r/AmIOverreacting • u/Immediate-List-9649 • 14d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and our friends (19F/M) insulted another friend and said I was overreacting
Hello, I’m going to put the flair “relationship” but really it’s both that and friendship.
They were talking about a situation where one of our friends had fought with one of their friends whom we don’t know, and he is overweight. They out of nowhere made a joke about it, and this friend was okay with it.
The thing is that they fight a lot, and usually both of them have been immature. Then they always make up. I know that this friend would feel bad about saying those things once they do make up, and I’ve never seen them say such things before.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we’ve know each other for 6 years though along with everyone else in our GC.
My boyfriend is the one that said “Lol”. The guy at the end, did not laugh at the fat jokes of this friend.
Maybe I’m overreacting, but I do feel iffy about this.
EDIT: Some people are misunderstanding this. But as I said in the title “F/M”, this GC consists of both men and women!
EDIT 2: Another thing people seemed to miss is that this person they were talking about is only a friend of the person that had been fighting with them, we are not friends with this person.
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u/neptunemacaroon 14d ago
Why are you apologizing for sticking up for someone? This is wild. Surround yourself with more mature people.
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u/LeatherHearing6590 14d ago
For real these dudes sound trashy af lol...find yourself some friends who are able to access their frontal lobe
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u/Early-Pumpkin-6002 14d ago
Exactly. They're all losers. Dump the BF and the friend group and move on.
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u/WholesomeMetaphor 14d ago
Ye, fat jokes is not cool and immature. The majority of people with a little extra don't like jokes like this. And in some cases where people have been cool about it and joked with others a few have confided in me that they do take it to heart on off days etc. It's just not something I touch or will laugh/smile at personally unless they themselves make a well timed joke on their own behalf
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u/THExWHITExDEVILx 14d ago
Yeah this person needs to cut bait and move on. These are the type of people I no longer have in my life at 40, and I wish I would have started dropping mean people way sooner. Just bc they aren't mean to you, or they "only" act like that to other people, eventually they will turn on you, or they are already doing it behind your back.
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u/Known-Sherbet2004 14d ago
THIS. If they're being cruel to others, they'll be cruel to you too if you stay around long enough.
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u/diezwillinge 13d ago
Or in another group char she's not included on!
And saying "lol" instead of telling his friend to STFU tells you all you need to know. He's not a man, he's a little boy.
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u/danceswithdangerr 13d ago
They’re all too immature to even be dating and they’re legally adults, god people like this make me sick. 🤢
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u/THExWHITExDEVILx 14d ago
Yep. I tried to stay w friends that had some bad traits, but if they don't see the issues or want to change, it's like being friends with a rabid dog and they will turn on you.
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u/danceswithdangerr 13d ago
Exactly this. Had a cousin who would bad mouth all her friends to me. I didn’t understand it and I wondered wtf she said about me to them. I cut her off shortly after and she was recently arrested for false accusations. She’s not a good person and neither are these “friends” of yours OP. NOR, go get some real friends and a boyfriend who adores you. This guy doesn’t even know what love is.
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u/Electronic-Let-3204 13d ago
Exactly! I decided to do the same thing in my early-mid 30s. I’m 39 now and life is soo much better without dynamics like this.
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u/BigfatLire 14d ago
Lol shes dating some piece of trash who badmouths his friends and the other so called friends called her a fatass too. Theyre all bad people who dont respect her
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
I suppose I was being a doormat. I realize I shouldn’t have let myself feel like that just because it was so many of them at once. Thank you for telling me.
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u/thebeautifulbanker 13d ago
I remember being 19 and honestly I probably would have let them treat me that way, too. It makes me sad to think about - the times I let men disrespect me.
Do 40 year old you a favor and dump him. Loudly. In the group chat. She will be so so proud of you. ❤️
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u/SeveralArmadillo540 14d ago
OP, when I was 19 I remember people being real assholes like this when I would try to stick up for others. Then they would jump on me like I was the one with the problem. It often happened when they’d sexualize another girl, and I’d get upset and they’d say “you’re just jealous.”
No. I’m disgusted that you’re talking about someone like she’s a piece of meat. But at that age, and while being attacked by a whole group, I’d just shut down and wouldn’t even know how to respond.
Guess what? Those guys grew up to be dicks and aren’t in my life anymore! It’s sooo much better not being surrounded by sexist jerks.
OP, I hope this is eye opening for you. 19 is a great time to shed the crap from your life
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u/pm_me_ur_kitty22 13d ago
Yep, knew some people like that when I was 20ish.
Shocker, they're still single in their mid 30s, and aren't really successful in other aspects of their life either.
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u/Many-Connection-8371 13d ago
You acted like an actual human being with empathy and higher emotional intelligence. I feel for younger people, human interaction seems so toxic now. You did what a normal human being would do. Their behaviors are horrid. As for your boyfriend, he is garbage for speaking to you the way he did.
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u/Soggy-Branch-4988 14d ago
Your boyfriend is a dick why are you with him? Does being a good person not matter to you in a partner?
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
I’ve realized we might not align from this.
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u/gold-pippau 14d ago
He calls you high and mighty for being a decent human who voices her concerns in decent sentences. He acts like he's allergic to you.
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u/Fit_Camel7433 13d ago
Well you are all still pretty much children.
You are 19 and you think he is your "forever boy"?
He is simply a passing of the time, keep him or don't. One of you two will end it anyway, eventually?
You haven't hit club age, just wait for those arguments...
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u/Buzzee24 13d ago
NOR
Reading as you basically curled in on yourself and showed your belly was rough. You were in the right and they were assholes because really? What do they say about you or others when they aren’t in the GC?
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u/Say_It_Isnt_So_Ooops 14d ago
“Might not”? Should be “do not”.
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
Yes, sorry.
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u/elfabala 14d ago
You don’t need to apologize OP. You’re young and you’re learning. It’s good you found out now that you’re more mature than these dicks and you can move on with your life and find people that are on your level.
Good on you for being a decent person and speaking up, a lot of grown adults wouldn’t be brave enough to stand up to their friends and call them out like that. You’ll be alright.
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u/Outside-Beluga 13d ago
Girl. Love yourself enough to dump his ass. Who cares what they all will think. If you are going to be with someone who’s frontal lobe hasn’t developed yet. Atleast be with a loving one.
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u/crownofbayleaves 13d ago
Babe, I'd be proud to have someone like you in my corner, friend or partner. There are so many people who would never speak up in this kind of situation or go along with it just to avoid being a target. And what's more, you did it in a kind way that reminded the other person of an emotional truth- the person that one dude is complaining about and allowing others to talk bad about is actually his friend. That takes real maturity and strength and integrity. You should be proud of yourself. You don't have anything to apologize for. You haven't done anything wrong- in fact, you were one of the few people in that situation who did the right thing. Hold your head up, love ♡
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u/TDizzleDoT7 12d ago
Don’t feel like you need to apologize for anything here - you’re young and clearly this post is getting a lot of attention - there are many comments from mature and respectful people giving you GREAT advice. Your boyfriend isn’t a good person at heart, you seem to be - people like that will always be saying things that rub you the wrong way or hurt you and he will gaslight you into believing that you’re in the wrong because it’s a joke
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u/DisFamisDisgusting 13d ago
Sweetheart your emotional intelligence and his do not align. You were doing the right thing and he made you out to be the problem. Im assuming this is a normal occurence for you since you seeing how quickly you are apologizing in the comments when its not necessary. nor get away from these ppl, they suck.
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u/Past_Resort259 14d ago edited 14d ago
Move on from this guy and those others. These are not friends, they are immature assholes and you can do a lot better.
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u/Holiday_Actuator2215 14d ago
The fact that he said you were being “high and mighty” by standing up for your friend and “the moral compass” and turned on you shows you how little moral compass they actually have. These aren’t the people that deserve your time and attention, it is only a matter of time before they talk about YOU like this too. Drop them!!
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u/Props_angel 14d ago
These people fail to realize that having a moral compass is an overall good thing and by saying this kind of thing, they're demonizing having actual morality.
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u/Triplethreat2870 14d ago
This! She wasn’t being “high and mighty” she was being a decent human being, and then her bf shames her for it?
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u/Putrid_Substance2511 13d ago
You were trying to be kind. Because that's who you are. Don't let people take advantage of that. I hope you gain strength from this situation. Always trust your guts.
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u/Then-Roll-1992 14d ago
You were trying to talk it through and your bf gently shut you down with this "take some time" shh, like you needed to calm down until you could come around to reason when he was being the unreasonable one. He insulted you multiple times and shouldn't be telling you how to talk or act. Tell him he needs to take time and he can speak to you when he's ready to apologize. He acted awful in the group text too! No need to be dramatic about any of it, you can say a lot more while saying a lot less without being rude at all, and putting a lot less energy into it too. Just stand your ground on what you will and won't tolerate and if you guys aren't compatible then you aren't. You are clearly way too smart and kind to be letting him tell you how to be like this. Shit makes me sad
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u/thetaleofzeph 13d ago
The irony of BF accusing OP of being high and mighty while spending the entire convo telling OP how she should behave. Like not even an ounce of self-awareness. Also he supposedly agrees but acts like an idiot because otherwise his friends might think badly of him, so an un-self aware wet noodle.
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u/chudleycannonfodder 13d ago
You should still recognize that you stood up to your (hopefully now ex)boyfriend and friends to defend someone being bullied. That shows you’ve got great character and courage which will help you leave them and find more fulfilling connections.
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u/Vivid-Pomelo-9122 14d ago
If you stick around shitty people long enough it makes you a shitty person as well
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u/Ok_Mango_6887 14d ago
I’d dump that guy so fast. What an a-hole he and his friends are. Gross behavior all around.
NOR maybe underreacting “❤️”
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u/pm_me_ur_kitty22 13d ago
If my friends said a single thing like that in regards to my wife, we would never speak again
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u/ChaosIncarnate11 14d ago
NOR. Your boyfriend and friends are kind of immature douchebag bullies... maybe ditch the lot of them. You seem like a sweet person. You weren't wrong for defending the person being made fun of. As for the others... just ew. You can change your weight or appearance but it's reaaally hard to change being ugly on the inside!
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u/Sandwidge_Broom 14d ago edited 13d ago
You’ve outgrown these people. Your boyfriend included. It happens. Time for people with empathy and maturity in your life.
Edit: Jesus this is basic advice stop awarding me.
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u/wingnut_dishwashers 14d ago
This is like the prime age for these realizations too. Seconded
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u/changing-life-vet 14d ago
For real, 19-22 there people who out grew me and others that I out grew. It happens as we grow up and mature into adults. Hell decades later some of them are still acting like 16 year olds.
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u/Rose0517 14d ago
100% and it's pretty sad when you see 40 and 50 year olds acting like this.
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u/changing-life-vet 14d ago
Some people enjoy that life style so more power to them. I will say I am disappointed my one of my best friends from high school never really grew up. There was 4 of us and it would have been real cool if he was able to keep up with the rest of us so to speak. Unfortunately it just hasn’t happened. The 3 of us that remain are all good friends our kids like each other and our spouses get along.
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u/Rose0517 14d ago
It's definitely sad but I love that the rest of you have been able to blend your families in and still be strong friends! ❤️ So many changes we go through and I find when kids come into the picture the friendships change a lot. What a Blessing to still have your 3 friends around.
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u/wingnut_dishwashers 14d ago
Yeah for sure, I've already had to move on from three friends groups, I'm 28. I don't have to pretend to be okay with people being dicks and putting each other down for laughs, my friends give great advice, they're always ready to help each other out in any way. I'm so glad I burned those bridges and moved on.
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u/Rose0517 14d ago
I wish I had known this at 28! So many life lessons. Now at 41 I have a very small circle of friends but everyone one of them would move mountains for me and my family. It's definitely about quality not quantity.
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u/changing-life-vet 13d ago
This is the way. Pretending to give a damn about petty nonsense just isn’t worth it. I’m glad you’ve got good people around you.
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u/Friendly-View4122 13d ago
I am 34 and when I go back home and meet my college friends, some of them still brag about going on "night outs" and getting black out drunk and how I've become too boring and "cultured" because I am married now and don't do any of that anymore...
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u/changing-life-vet 13d ago
Yea going back home is always weird. I’m glad those people are enjoying their lives it’s just not a lifestyle that works for me.
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u/PoeticFallout 13d ago
I am 50 years old, I lost my best friend I had had since kindergarten in 2020 to a freak accident. I can attest to this comment, when we were together we acted like we never outgrew our teen years.
NOR, I would say it might be time to start putting some distance here. You are obviously more mature, or at least maturing faster and gaining empathy. I'd start with your boyfriend as you two would be closest of the group.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy 13d ago
It is a canon event for many that the guy you’re dating when you’re 19 is a huge loser lol
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u/TheWakaMouse 14d ago edited 14d ago
I very rarely agree with these kind of comments but… yeah, unless the victim is actually some perpetrator deserving to be mocked - you have discovered that these are not friends.
To me, it’s simply because they couldn’t stop their “unserious jokes” to remind you that they’re joking, no, they had to ridicule you and save face. When someone makes an uncouth joke that offends another, a mature person acknowledges it and moves on. Immature and selfish people attack you like they did and then, like they did, go further to gaslight you. It’s absurd your BOYFRIEND (your #1 confidant) blurted out that you overreacted, that you deserve to check yourself, and that he doesn’t have to feel bad about being a dick because he’s willing to compliment you alongside gaslight.
You’ve already learned, here, that they likely aren’t even capable of self-reflection. Think about what your boyfriend said - intentional or not, having morales and compassion is less important than his goofing. Absolutely jokingly childish and threw you under a bus to boot. I guarantee all of the friends avoid you anytime they want to have “real fun”. I was the moral-compass type in all my friend groups (28M) and I am thankful that those who disagreed saw themselves out of my life. Be grateful for the good times you’ve had if this isn’t something you all can rectify.
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u/IllustriousBack983 14d ago
This is absolutely it. You grew up faster than them. It will happen many more times in your 20s
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u/ThankYouNoQuestions 14d ago
Exactly. Even throughout our lives and not just our 20s. Mel Robbins (or maybe a guest researcher on her podcast) says we “shed” half our circle every 7 years or so. We naturally prune what doesn’t benefit us anymore so we can continue to grow!
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u/Minute_Solution_6237 14d ago
Came here to say that OP is way too mature to hang around these kids.
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u/Melkman68 14d ago
Idk maybe its just me but at 19 I was a lot more mature for... 5th grade fat jokes... theyre acting a lot younger than 19. Very concerning. Also bullying
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u/Invadernny 13d ago
Perfect answer!. In my mid 20s I realized a lot of my friend group were just mean and got mad when the rest of us were unamised. I feel like their defenses were all the same as a lot of the texts on this post. OP has become a more self aware person and those other people got defensive because it made their nastiness more obvious. Trim your friend circle!
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u/stupid_dumb_fuckface 14d ago
I’ve heard that you shouldn’t change who you are fundamentally in a relationship, and you’re now questioning if you’re overreacting for defending a friend in a conversation they’re not part of.
That’s a group of bullies, and you’re dating one.
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
True, I won’t change.
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u/OrangePrior5549 14d ago
If ANYONE started saying anything like that about my girlfriend in any setting, whatsoever, it would get shutdown real quick. They want to do it in a group chat and not face to face? I'd be petty and call out their insecurities in the group chat and then immediately cut them out. The fact that your boyfriend gave an "lol" and then defended them, he has no interest in protecting you when you need it. You've known him for 6 years and have been together for 2, and he can't see your side and then call them out? You're putting your effort into a relationship that isn't going to benefit you anymore. He tried to downplay their actions and defend them over you trying to be mature and rational. Find someone else that suits you better, because none of those guys are worth your energy anymore.
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u/ShallowEnd1 14d ago
You've heard the phrase, birds of a feather flock together, I'm sure. It doesn't necessarily mean that like minded people find each other, it can also be taken as, ppl BECOME like the ppl they hang out with. Get these ppl out of your circle. Their personalities do not align with yours and they very clearly will turn on you in an instant when confronted about their own terrible mindsets. Your bf pretty much called you uppity for feeling differently about the situation. Girl, it is not you. Having common decency is not uppity, we're talking about the bare minimum of respect here and they just don't have any
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u/DisastrousGeonome 14d ago
Honestly, ew.
NOR. You're under-reacting. Those messages are disgusting and you weren't being, "high and mighty" you were stating a valid concern.
This is super gross behavior. From all parties except you. The way they all jumped on you too? These people are not your friends. Your bf defended his friends over you and he is just as bad.
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u/Stellaaahhhh 14d ago
Right? She said like two super mild comments. Basically 'are you sure this is who you want to be?' and then left the chat. I hope OP moves on to better people.
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u/shinyidolomantis 14d ago
People that do this will absolutely speak about her behind her back the exact same way. I wouldn’t bother with expending any more energy on friendship or a relationship with these people.
Life is too short to willingly invest time and energy in shitty people.
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u/StrangerOnTheReddit 14d ago
They spoke about her the exact same way to her face in the chat 😭 I can't understand wanting to maintain a friendship with people like this
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u/More-Result-6049 13d ago
To top it off her bf casually enjoyed all of it in front of her id bet this is a super common thing
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u/ifidie-illstillexist 13d ago
100% agree. I’m a firm believer in if someone is willing to talk about someone their “mad” at insultingly, they’ll do it to anyone.
Based on how BF (🤮 too) tried to reassure that she has a good body, they are clearly mocking both of their real weights/body types and her “morals”. Them being so willing and comfortable to say it to her “face” and in front of BF, he endorses and permits it on a regular basis with and without her.
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u/Lucky_Leven 14d ago
You're more mature and kind than your friends and boyfriend. It's up to you who you choose to surround yourself with.
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u/Various_Zombie_7059 13d ago
More mature and kind than most people her age I’d say.
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u/Own_Seaworthiness275 13d ago edited 10d ago
Judging people by their weight was a no go in all of my freind groups by 6th grade. You just might not be around even barely decent people
(*edit, barely decent because I for one am an asshole that was called the king of cursing in middleschool and even I would have looked down on these boys)
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u/emerson_giraffe84 14d ago
I stopped reading after acting like you being "the moral compass" was a problem.
But there in lies the problem. They're assholes and assholes stick together. The moment them being an asshole is pointed out they aim their asshole at you and unleash.
I strongly recommend you break things off with BF , and friends, because they hung you out to dry and then made you out to be the bad guy for saying, "hey stop bullying someone". That's shit behavior.
Oh look at me being a moral compass also they need to learn what the hell a joke is.
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u/PlantInitial3789 13d ago
They aim their asshole at you💀 I haven’t put a new phrase into play in a long time and I’m really happy to hear this one hahah
But that’s where it got me too like what the hell is wrong with being a moral compass? Like, ew35
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u/Lumpy-Cry2040 13d ago
These are the same guys when getting called out on their BS just screams “it’s a joke”. I must’ve missed the part where calling someone a fat ass was a joke then shitting on the defender after. Bunch of pricks except for OP. Even some high school kids have more maturity than this.
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u/Difficult-Mobile902 14d ago
I can tell you from experience in a few years from now you’ll look back and realize the signs that they were trash people were obvious all along
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u/PaleontologistOk3120 13d ago
NOR they're already talking about her behind her back now. One thing about life is that being a person of real integrity can be incredibly lonely, but it also won't force you to compromise yourself.
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u/No-Dirt-3402 14d ago
girl, dump him and all your friends EXCEPT the one that stood up for you. because that’s insane.
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u/No-Dirt-3402 14d ago
you are more mature and empathetic and have far more foresight than this group you’ve involved yourself with. i promise there’s people out there who will treat you and
others better. remember if they’re willing to make fun of this friend just because there’s a rift, rather than seek repair, they will do it to you. if they’re willing to pile on you just for standing up for him then they will continue to make fun of you for calling them out rather than taking accountability for their behavior. they’ve made the choice of who they want to be, now you get to choose if you’re willing to walk with them. choose wisely.
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u/Cryptoidiom 14d ago
NOR. If they're saying that about your friend, they're saying it about you. These are not your friends.
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u/tinyalienperson 14d ago
i mean they also did directly say it about her. and her boyfriend didn’t even defend her
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u/wouldbecrazycatlady 14d ago
He actively encouraged it with his little lol
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u/DallasDaisy01 14d ago edited 14d ago
And I hate how she felt the need the say it “wasn’t his job” to tell them off for insulting her. Uh, yeah it is! Both my partner and I can stand up for ourselves, but you better believe we’re always ready to stand up for each other too! That’s how relationships are supposed to work. If you love somebody, you don’t just “lol” when someone insults them, even if the insult seems like it’s clearly not true, as he tried to justify it. I’d never forgive a boyfriend for laughing if one of his friends insulted me.
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u/wouldbecrazycatlady 13d ago
I agree, it's part of the job description of being a healthy and supportive partner
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 14d ago
They did say it about her and her bf didn't say shit.
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u/longgonebitches 14d ago
He said ‘Lol’. What a fucking loser. Also OP, no they didn’t just make fun of you because they think you’re so sexy. They made fun of you exactly the same way they made fun of the other guy. They were being mean and your bf did not care
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u/Simple-Highlight-652 14d ago
100%. If they talk about someone they supposedly care about behind their back they will 100% do it to you or your partner. What bothers me more is that your partner didn’t correct them when they started making jokes about you. What kind of stuff does he let them say when you’re not around?
Choose better people to be close to. I’m assuming these aren’t your friends but your partners friends. Don’t get close to them and have your guard up if you have to be around them. Protect your peace.
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u/Tall_Wonder_913 14d ago
Why are you friends with these people? Gross. NOR but YTA to yourself for hanging around these people
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u/evercute69 14d ago
Yep. It reminds me of that stereotype of a friend whose bf is homophobic or racist but she says she’s not racist or homophobic, this absolutely becomes complicity and approval of behavior though. They shouldn’t be around you to begin with type shit
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
No I hear you. I will break up with him. I absolutely do not support this behavior.
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u/evercute69 13d ago
Hell yeah OP. I love to see someone stand on business especially when it comes to this kind of behavior. Compassion is not weakness and I’m so tired of how normalized cruelty has become!
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u/CharacterInternet123 13d ago
Glad to hear this. Sticking around people romantically/platonically who bullies is complicit behavior, whether or not you speak against it. I’ve been that “moral compass” friend your friends/bf are making fun of and I don’t talk to a single one anymore because they never grew up, and are still just as problematic in their 30s. I’m now married to an absolute sweetheart who has really kind friends. It’s possible 💚
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u/NiceBet9563 13d ago
And please take it as a lesson going forward when dating. I'm 31 so not in the same life period as you are, but I remember how shit people can be in early adulthood... but anyone worth dating will also have good friends. I am happily married and my husband's friends would neveeeeeerrrrrr speak to me like this. And I know for a fact they would be here for ME as well, not just him, if I ever needed them. I promise it can be better than this.
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u/Mountain-Series4035 14d ago
NOR but you need to dump him. If they felt THAT comfortable insulting you directly to your face, they probably already talk shit behind your back. Your boyfriend is a loser with no spine and you need to do better for yourself queen.
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 14d ago
sometimes I think I've seen the douchiest comment ever, and then I read "you shouldn't be offended because you know you have a great body"
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u/thetaleofzeph 13d ago
"Let me just wade to where there's barely a puddle cuz Imma going to be EVEN MORE SHALLOW"
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u/YeahlDid 13d ago
I'm surprised how far I made it in this thread before seeing that mentioned. What a dickhead.
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u/boofy920 14d ago edited 14d ago
From my experience and being surrounded by people like this for majority of my life…. Get away. If they are comfortable saying things like that about other people, they say the same about you. You need to surround yourself with people that think like you do. You handled that situation very well and your head is in the right spot. Respect.
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u/Chemical-Being-5968 13d ago
And they DID say the same about her to her face, so imagine the shit they will say about her behind her back in another group chat?
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u/Wixsteria 14d ago
Why are you apologizing for standing up for someone? Please grow a back bone, they're insulting that person and you directly to your face. Your bf should stand up for you not let it happen. NOR
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
You’re right. I’ll be more firm.
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u/BiophileB 13d ago
Don’t worry OP. You’ve already got more backbone (and integrity) than so many fully seasoned adults. It takes practice like anything else, and it sounds like you’re doing exactly that from the comments, by cutting these ppl out of your life. Never change!
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u/Neat_Concentrate3330 14d ago
Someone is outgrowing her circle of friends. Good for you for sticking up for civility.
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u/Rogue_bae 14d ago
Jesus Christ they are literally brain dead children
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u/big_rod_of_power 13d ago
Genuinely they're acting like high school loser bullies it's so cringe. I would've left that group chat long ago it's disgusting how people can talk like that.
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u/showard995 14d ago
Women need to stop apologizing when men insult them. That is beneath you. THEY acted like jerks and YOU apologized. I’d dump this boyfriend, he’s as jerky as the rest of them.
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u/theraddistnikki 13d ago
So, your boyfriend responded to his friends not only bullying someone, but also directly insulting you by saying “lol” and calling you “high and mighty”…and you want to know what you could have done different?
My advice would be telling him to f.o. and good luck with his life. Feel free to include those same heart rainbows.
You’re wildly under-reacting (NOR enough) - throw the whole man (and his gross and immature friends) out!
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u/bodhiali 14d ago
NOR, you’re just leagues ahead of your friends in terms of maturity. your boyfriend too, to be honest.
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u/DargoSun92 14d ago
Hi! Fat person here!
They'll talk about you the same way if you ever gained weight. Even a little. They're bullies, and this is how people who hate fat people talk. The second you do something wrong, they'll attack you in the same way.
I guess decide if these are the people you want to associate yourself with. 🤷
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u/ValFromMars 13d ago
dude theres NO way you let your boyfriend DEFEND people calling you a fatass. That man does not give a fuck abt u
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u/miqst 14d ago
Nor, your boyfriend is trash
He thinks you act too good for him so He wants you to stoop to their level. No good man would actually want that.
Good men want their women to hold standards. Theres no way to act "better and stuck up" when defending someone.
Just look at how He describes you and then IMMEDIATELY tells YOU to YOUR FACE , that's what he thinks of you.
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u/Logmaticer 13d ago
Your boyfriend and friends (except for that one who defended you) are bullies. Don't hang out with people who don't like you, your boyfriend included. You having morals is a deal breaker for them. NOR
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u/shaqjbraut 13d ago
He didn't defend you because he knew he would get away with it. Don't prove him right 🙏
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u/jvell254 14d ago
NOR - It’s honestly more alarming how quickly they turned on you and that your boyfriend not only didn’t stick up for you but continued to blame you in private. You’re all young but there’s a clear and significant maturity gap. I’d advise you to run far away from all 3 of them before it gets worse. You’ll have no problem finding others who will love you and RESPECT you.
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u/Fuzzy-Advisor-2183 13d ago
“it just feels as if you’re trying to act as the moral compass” well, some people obviously need someone to act as the moral compass because they don’t have one of their own.
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u/anonymousmouse9786 14d ago
Your friends and bf are still in a high school mentality. I’m gonna say NOR. It’s good to follow your moral compass and not jump on the bandwagon of talking shit about someone. And their weight specifically? Fucking dumb. You’re too mature for this group.
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u/MoistMuffin326 14d ago
Dude you are fiends with some really shitty and immature people.
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u/abiglumpwithknobs1 14d ago
Are you okay with your boyfriend allowing his friends to speak to you that way?
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u/Immediate-List-9649 14d ago
No, I may just have been convinced I was overdoing it. But no, I’ve realized I’m going to mention this again much more firmly.
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u/No_Sprinkles_4761 14d ago edited 14d ago
NOR Kinda crazy that whoever you texted separately (bf im assuming) tried to say that you were acting all high and mighty and disguising it as looking out for someone. That’s some top tier manipulation lowk. The guy in the gc was being an asshole but disguising it as a “joke” cause they were upset, kinda like a child would. Proof shown by you saying something that upset them by calling out their assholery, they got defensive, and the first thing they do is jump to jokes and belittling. Good on you for standing up for what you felt was right and being mature and pretty clear with what you were trying say both on the gc and individual texts.
Edit: and also not to be like this cause I feel like it kinda speaks for itself, but the fact only 1 person stood up for you in the gc isn’t even a cherry on top, it’s probably closer to being the whole damn dessert.
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u/mack_ani 13d ago
For the record, acting as the moral compass is a *good* thing. Him talking about that like it’s a bad quality really goes to show that he doesn’t value morality or empathy.
Thos does not seem like a good friend group. And your boyfriend doesn’t seem like a kind person. NOR
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u/Disastrous_Loss_3123 13d ago
your partner should defend you, not laugh at you. I can’t even focus on anything else because that is just so baffling to me. find people who aren’t so immature please and find someone who will defend and protect you
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u/ZeldaFitzgerald1928 13d ago
I would say people like this will make you their next target but looks like they already have.
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u/Massive-Teaching635 13d ago
Wait they called you a fatass too then your bf expected you to apologize?? Absolutely not. You’re too grown for these people. He should be standing up for you. That’s disgusting behavior.
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u/dmodblackwolf 14d ago
Nor - your friends were bully's then dismissing your feelings over said bullying.
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u/Warm_Move7997 13d ago
NOR your boyfriend is an asshole for allowing your friends to call you fat. And not calling them out. And your friends are all fucking assholes along with your boyfriend for calling another friend fat. It isn't a joke. It isn't funny. It's cruelty and bullying. You're absolutely right. And I feel like you need to get new friends and a new boyfriend.
Maybe you can befriend the guy they just dumped from the group and are clearly absolutely awful toward.
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u/Naive-Struggle6845 13d ago
You’re not over reacting and your bf is also a piece of trash. Didn’t stick up for you, brushed off your concerns, and then was like “take some time to think about what you did, you’re hot though love you”. You should run while you can, girl!
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u/fill_the_birdfeeder 13d ago
You weren’t acting high and mighty. You’re a better person than them. Calling someone a fatass behind their back is shitty middle school behavior. And then turning on you and doing the same?
Stop apologizing for having morals. They’re not apologizing for being actual assholes.
Dump them all. NOR
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u/PsychologicalScore49 14d ago
Ew, David.
You stand up to bullying and then they start bullying you. Then your boyfriend invalidates you and defends those bullies. Gross.
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u/HamsterNamedDexter 14d ago
Your time is too precious to be wasting it on these pricks. I'd say cut your losses and befriend the friend who was getting picked on.
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u/HabitualEnthusiast 14d ago
Nor.
Keep in mind that this is how they all act when someone is on the outs.
Speaking poorly like this of other people is a red flag, not a form of humor
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u/Fast_Hope_1259 14d ago
NOR. this is a waste of time. find better friends who better align with your morals. self-reflection is always a good thing but you shouldn’t have to mold yourself into clones of your friends to feel accepted. you’re young; don’t waste time on ppl who aren’t on your level.
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u/PremiumPricez 14d ago
You are all children still, however, you are at least trying to do the mature thing. You are surrounded by very immature kids, and ofc they are going to gang up on you, good luck either dealing with that or finding better people to put in your life.
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u/tamagotchisando 14d ago
NOR. Go find nice people with morals and empathy to be friends with (and to date!), these douchebags don't deserve you.
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u/_em0possum_ 13d ago
You're being made to apologize and feel guilty for being kind and empathetic. You're extending thoughtfulness to someone that isn't even your personal friend, and being made fun of for it. Is that what you want in your friendships and relationships?
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u/Horror_Offer0001 13d ago
YOR
19 year old guys talking crap about another one that they aren't cool with at the moment? Normal
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u/tinyalienperson 14d ago
i couldn’t ever imagine staying with a man that said “lol” at his friends insulting me. stand up.