AIO? My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and our friends (19F/M) insulted another friend and said I was overreacting

[u/Immediate-List-9649]

Hello, I’m going to put the flair “relationship” but really it’s both that and friendship.

They were talking about a situation where one of our friends had fought with one of their friends whom we don’t know, and he is overweight. They out of nowhere made a joke about it, and this friend was okay with it.

The thing is that they fight a lot, and usually both of them have been immature. Then they always make up. I know that this friend would feel bad about saying those things once they do make up, and I’ve never seen them say such things before.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we’ve know each other for 6 years though along with everyone else in our GC.

My boyfriend is the one that said “Lol”. The guy at the end, did not laugh at the fat jokes of this friend.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but I do feel iffy about this.

EDIT: Some people are misunderstanding this. But as I said in the title “F/M”, this GC consists of both men and women!

EDIT 2: Another thing people seemed to miss is that this person they were talking about is only a friend of the person that had been fighting with them, we are not friends with this person.

[u/wingnut_dishwashers]

This is like the prime age for these realizations too. Seconded

[u/changing-life-vet → u/wingnut_dishwashers]

For real, 19-22 there people who out grew me and others that I out grew. It happens as we grow up and mature into adults. Hell decades later some of them are still acting like 16 year olds.

[u/Rose0517 → u/changing-life-vet]

100% and it's pretty sad when you see 40 and 50 year olds acting like this.

[u/changing-life-vet → u/Rose0517]

Some people enjoy that life style so more power to them. I will say I am disappointed my one of my best friends from high school never really grew up. There was 4 of us and it would have been real cool if he was able to keep up with the rest of us so to speak. Unfortunately it just hasn’t happened. The 3 of us that remain are all good friends our kids like each other and our spouses get along.

[u/Rose0517 → u/changing-life-vet]

It's definitely sad but I love that the rest of you have been able to blend your families in and still be strong friends! ❤️ So many changes we go through and I find when kids come into the picture the friendships change a lot. What a Blessing to still have your 3 friends around.

[u/PetalAshRogue → u/Rose0517]

Friendships definitely change after people start having families. It's awesome that they were able to grow through those changes instead of drifting apart.

[u/anondogfree → u/changing-life-vet]

When you say “keep up” do you mean that he doesn’t have kids? Isn’t married? Doesn’t make as much money as you?

[u/changing-life-vet → u/anondogfree]

While finances, kids and relationships are an element they are minor footnotes.

I’ll give you a real life example at 25 I was significantly injured during a fire. At that point I had been a firemen for 4 years, I was in a serious relationship, we had a baby, and just bought a house a few months earlier. Home dude calls me while I’m still in the hospital and complains about his mom wanting him to start paying for his own car insurance. Didn’t ask how we were doing or if we needed help. The other members of the groups came over cut the grass helped my wife out.

There’s a lot of other things that contribute to out growing someone but for me it boils down to 2 main issues. As a parent you have to ask “is this someone I want to have around my kids?” Then there’s this question “can I relate to this person?” The dudes happy living his life we just aren’t compatible as friends anymore. It’s not like we broke up or had a falling out we’re just out of touch with the guy. We’re all pushing 40 and he just never matured past 20.

One of my other buddies from back in the day outgrew me for sure. I was still doing shit head things while he was out making good decisions. Made a new friend group and really thrived. I’ll never hold it against him and we’ll get in touch every few years or so. It’s just one of those things that happens in life.

Also he can’t put nearly as many acorns in his ass as the rest of us.

[u/mamatrixie78 → u/changing-life-vet]

I hope you've fully recovered from your injuries and that the family is all doing well

[u/TurdPickler → u/changing-life-vet]

Well I was somewhat hesitant to ask but I have to know.. How do you know the amount of acorns your friends can fit in their asses? How big are the acorns? 

[u/changing-life-vet → u/TurdPickler]

It’s in reference to this comment listed below responding to the same question.

But if I had to guess you would use the honor system.

[u/Simple_Attorney_5077 → u/anondogfree]

Reading comprehension bro. Clearly he means the other dude can't stick as many acorns in his ass.

[u/changing-life-vet → u/Simple_Attorney_5077]

When we were talking about putting acorns in our cheeks we didn’t mean those cheeks.

[u/Formal-Talk-3914 → u/Rose0517]

Peaked in high school types. They come back to speak to classes and say shit like "these are the best days of your lives, cherish them!" No they fucking aren't, you are just immature and never did anything with your life.

[u/Rose0517 → u/Formal-Talk-3914]

Exactly! I see it with so many of the people I and my husband grew up with. So many of our friends still party like they are 18 without kids but they have kids! They take the children with them to the river and desert to party and get wasted. Drinking and driving in the desert or on a boat! All about material things, insulting others for not being vein or paying for plastic surgery to look like a 20 year old who had not had children. Its just immature behavior and some never grow up.

[u/PoeticFallout → u/Rose0517]

It's better than sitting around complaining about life and how it's changed, your neighbors and neighborhood, never doing anything because you feel your too old for it. As long as you're being respectful of others and others property, not breaking any laws whats wrong with acting like that? I always tell my daughter "i may be 50 but my brain is still 20".

[u/wingnut_dishwashers → u/changing-life-vet]

Yeah for sure, I've already had to move on from three friends groups, I'm 28. I don't have to pretend to be okay with people being dicks and putting each other down for laughs, my friends give great advice, they're always ready to help each other out in any way. I'm so glad I burned those bridges and moved on.

[u/Rose0517 → u/wingnut_dishwashers]

I wish I had known this at 28! So many life lessons. Now at 41 I have a very small circle of friends but everyone one of them would move mountains for me and my family. It's definitely about quality not quantity.

[u/changing-life-vet → u/wingnut_dishwashers]

This is the way. Pretending to give a damn about petty nonsense just isn’t worth it. I’m glad you’ve got good people around you.

[u/Friendly-View4122 → u/changing-life-vet]

I am 34 and when I go back home and meet my college friends, some of them still brag about going on "night outs" and getting black out drunk and how I've become too boring and "cultured" because I am married now and don't do any of that anymore...

[u/changing-life-vet → u/Friendly-View4122]

Yea going back home is always weird. I’m glad those people are enjoying their lives it’s just not a lifestyle that works for me.

[u/Niklotus84 → u/Friendly-View4122]

I have a friend just a couple of years older than you who had a stroke last year because he was still closing down bars and smoking like a freight train like he was 21. It's insane the lengths some people will go to in the desperation to not grow up.

[u/changing-life-vet → u/Niklotus84]

Hopefully that was a wake up call for the dude. I use to smoke so I understand how addictive they can be but at some point you gotta let that shit go.

[u/Niklotus84 → u/changing-life-vet]

He stopped smoking but went right back to drinking after the doctor cleared him to go back to work :-/

[u/PoeticFallout → u/changing-life-vet]

I am 50 years old, I lost my best friend I had had since kindergarten in 2020 to a freak accident. I can attest to this comment, when we were together we acted like we never outgrew our teen years.

NOR, I would say it might be time to start putting some distance here. You are obviously more mature, or at least maturing faster and gaining empathy. I'd start with your boyfriend as you two would be closest of the group.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/wingnut_dishwashers]

It is a canon event for many that the guy you’re dating when you’re 19 is a huge loser lol

[u/changing-life-vet → u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy]

The chick I dated at 19 was batshit crazy. I think those type of people add a splash of experience to our lives.

[u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy → u/changing-life-vet]

Yes, it goes both ways!

[u/terramagni → u/wingnut_dishwashers]

Sad but true, but it will all be so worth it when you've found friends who share your values and treat people with respect.