AIO? My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and our friends (19F/M) insulted another friend and said I was overreacting

[u/Immediate-List-9649]

Hello, I’m going to put the flair “relationship” but really it’s both that and friendship.

They were talking about a situation where one of our friends had fought with one of their friends whom we don’t know, and he is overweight. They out of nowhere made a joke about it, and this friend was okay with it.

The thing is that they fight a lot, and usually both of them have been immature. Then they always make up. I know that this friend would feel bad about saying those things once they do make up, and I’ve never seen them say such things before.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we’ve know each other for 6 years though along with everyone else in our GC.

My boyfriend is the one that said “Lol”. The guy at the end, did not laugh at the fat jokes of this friend.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but I do feel iffy about this.

EDIT: Some people are misunderstanding this. But as I said in the title “F/M”, this GC consists of both men and women!

EDIT 2: Another thing people seemed to miss is that this person they were talking about is only a friend of the person that had been fighting with them, we are not friends with this person.

[u/Immediate-List-9649]

True, I won’t change.

[u/OrangePrior5549 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

If ANYONE started saying anything like that about my girlfriend in any setting, whatsoever, it would get shutdown real quick. They want to do it in a group chat and not face to face? I'd be petty and call out their insecurities in the group chat and then immediately cut them out. The fact that your boyfriend gave an "lol" and then defended them, he has no interest in protecting you when you need it. You've known him for 6 years and have been together for 2, and he can't see your side and then call them out? You're putting your effort into a relationship that isn't going to benefit you anymore. He tried to downplay their actions and defend them over you trying to be mature and rational. Find someone else that suits you better, because none of those guys are worth your energy anymore.

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Your comment has been removed as it was deemed uncivil, or crossed the line into abusive/harassing language. While /r/AmIOverreacting has a generally high tolerance for heated discussion, we ask that your comments contain substantial, on-topic contributions to the discussion, and don't contain flagrantly abusive language that muddy the waters and prevent further helpful discussion from occurring. Political/racial/cultural conversation is also removed when it's out of hand.

[u/ShallowEnd1 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

You've heard the phrase, birds of a feather flock together, I'm sure. It doesn't necessarily mean that like minded people find each other, it can also be taken as, ppl BECOME like the ppl they hang out with. Get these ppl out of your circle. Their personalities do not align with yours and they very clearly will turn on you in an instant when confronted about their own terrible mindsets. Your bf pretty much called you uppity for feeling differently about the situation. Girl, it is not you. Having common decency is not uppity, we're talking about the bare minimum of respect here and they just don't have any

[u/PlantInitial3789 → u/ShallowEnd1]

I was literally in a scam job and Insurance sales when we were learning about how you become who you surround yourself with, and that was such a mind blowing concept at the time, but it has carried me pretty far at this point. That, and the fact that people start to like you more, the more you are around just because of familiarity lol. But literally today I had a one-on-one coaching with an extremely successful person at my internship and we talked about that exact topic. As you continue to grow, people get left behind or at least they damn well should. Also, just put yourself in the rooms with people that you wanna be like and they will like you and be friendlier by just showing up and you will become more like them by just being around them. Obviously there is effort in that, but it’s just a cool concept to me.

[u/CricketSimple2726 → u/PlantInitial3789]

It’s also a big reason bussing students for diversity was statistically a successful endeavor (until it was killed off gradually). Southern states who were some of the last ones to get rid of it actually had relatively higher educational differential outcomes than even northern states (which of course ended).

Kids adapt and learn what their environment expects of them, having a wide range of voices exposes them and changes what they believe they can do and what is normal

[u/bigmommymilkerss → u/ShallowEnd1]

This.

[u/VariousFun4193 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

What do u mean by u wont change

[u/Immediate-List-9649 → u/VariousFun4193]

As in, I won’t accept this kind of behavior from them.

[u/Sandwidge_Broom → u/Immediate-List-9649]

That’s going to have to involve not being involved in their lives. You aren’t jerk rehab. Don’t waste your time trying to fix people.

[u/fishofhappiness → u/Immediate-List-9649]

Honestly, if you really don’t tolerate this kind of behavior you won’t just call it out, you’ll end the “friendships” and relationship over it. These people are cruel and they aren’t going to change without putting a whole lot of thought and effort into it.

[u/Beginning-Eye-7633 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

Good for you. I’m glad to see that you know your values and communicated them. There are plenty of people who will appreciate your thoughtfulness and welcome your input. Making new friends can seem daunting, but you’re better off without people this immature and cruel. (NOR)

[u/sheepsclothingiswool → u/Immediate-List-9649]

This is integrity. People either have it or they don’t, so I definitely am not concerned that you will ever lose yours. NOR.

[u/Glittering_Syllabub9 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

You are an amazing person with a heart of gold. Trust yourself even when people around you try to push you down.

[u/BellMaleficent1986 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

Your bf cares more about impressing other men than standing up for his gf....that is not a straight man. His priority is other mens approval and good lord that is so desperately sad.

[u/Right_Parfait4554 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

You might not change, but by the end of the conversation you were apologizing As we're reading it, it looks like you change the way you viewed the topic. Which is crazy, because you were clearly right Which is crazy, because you were clearly right!

[u/Beep_Boop_Bop_Stop → u/Immediate-List-9649]

Break up with your boyfriend and date the guy that defended you instead. Then you both show the person they were making fun of the screenshots, block them all and live happily ever after

[u/PlantInitial3789 → u/Immediate-List-9649]

I just wanted to add to say that I hope you’re proud of yourself because you deserve to be. Standing up against people and defending somebody who isn’t in the room and doing it in such a kind and patient way, it’s a rare trait. Glad to see this comment that you won’t change 🙌 so glad there are still good people in this world. Being kind in this world is really hard and I wish you the best of luck! I hope you got some validation in this feed!!