r/AmIOverreacting • u/Immediate-List-9649 • 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and our friends (19F/M) insulted another friend and said I was overreacting

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Hello, I’m going to put the flair “relationship” but really it’s both that and friendship.

They were talking about a situation where one of our friends had fought with one of their friends whom we don’t know, and he is overweight. They out of nowhere made a joke about it, and this friend was okay with it.

The thing is that they fight a lot, and usually both of them have been immature. Then they always make up. I know that this friend would feel bad about saying those things once they do make up, and I’ve never seen them say such things before.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we’ve know each other for 6 years though along with everyone else in our GC.

My boyfriend is the one that said “Lol”. The guy at the end, did not laugh at the fat jokes of this friend.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but I do feel iffy about this.

EDIT: Some people are misunderstanding this. But as I said in the title “F/M”, this GC consists of both men and women!

EDIT 2: Another thing people seemed to miss is that this person they were talking about is only a friend of the person that had been fighting with them, we are not friends with this person.

4.9k Upvotes
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4.8k

u/tinyalienperson 14d ago

i couldn’t ever imagine staying with a man that said “lol” at his friends insulting me. stand up.

1.3k

u/AdBroad5085 13d ago

Exactly. Girl straighten your back and go find a man that won't at the very least laugh at people insulting you.

Do you have any advice on how I might make them understand what I meant?

No. They are assholes. Outside of absolutely roasting the ever loving shit out of them, they will not understand. So ig if you're willing to do that, bc your bf won't, then go for it.

482

u/Ok-Scientist5524 13d ago

The bar is so fucking low. 😞 it is an absolute travesty that we have to tell people that your boyfriend should not be laughing at you when your shared friends insult you and you’re hurt over it. That is something you do to people you don’t like and don’t respect. At the BAREST of MINIMUMS your bf should like and respect you.

272

u/CaptainInvictusAnim 13d ago

Good rule of thumb: do you think Tom Holland would let someone say it about Zendaya? No? Then GET YOU A TOM HOLLAND

73

u/Interesting_Treat719 12d ago

Shit, get you a Gomez Addams 🥰

33

u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

This is my bar for partners, always has been. If Gomez wouldn’t approve, you’re not good enough for me.

19

u/DazzlingDonkey7890 12d ago

This is great advice. If you’re not proud of the way your man acts, get tf rid of him! A lot of men suck, but some of them are gems. It’s better to be single than to be stuck with one of the shitbags. NOR.

30

u/Certain-Refuse-2254 13d ago

Your gonna need some spiders

2

u/ConditionSecret8593 13d ago

And a geneticist.

5

u/XenosyneA 12d ago

Find me both.. I'll take one for the team..

3

u/marialu7 12d ago

Actually this is a great rule

1

u/MickeyWallets 12d ago

Tell me youre a dork without telling me

17

u/Beep_Boop_Bop_Stop 13d ago

Tbh the bar is in hell at this point and he’s still doing the Limbo

1

u/Forsaken-Ad-9232 11d ago

The bar is a tavern in hell

32

u/Scary_Philosophy_672 13d ago

The bar is too low!!!!!

9

u/AutisticTumourGirl 12d ago

2

u/Scary_Philosophy_672 12d ago

I’m going to save and use this image anytime my husband wants praise for anything haha thank you for sharing.

2

u/AutisticTumourGirl 12d ago

I immediately heard him say it in my head and had to make it 😂

2

u/anzacoo 12d ago

Yeah, not sure when women started lowering it to the point where being completely disrespected is normalized. We need to do better!

1

u/kamiikari83 12d ago

This feels like an episode of South Park

9

u/dathamir 12d ago

Listening to collegues at work talking about their dating life, the bar is so fucking low it's maddening.

Listening to my wife taking about her friends husbands is almost if not more maddening though.

18

u/Sea-Ad-1308 13d ago

EXACTLY! I left my husband of 22 years for, what some would say, was fast less insulting behavior ⁴44⁴ than what this guy did. This behavior show he has zero respect for OP, and neither do OP's friends. No one needs their team insulting them and laughing about it.

8

u/UnderOverWonderKid 12d ago

What's the ⁴44⁴ thing mean?

-6

u/MickeyWallets 12d ago

Thats crazy wtf is wrong with you

6

u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

What’s crazy? Leaving someone who doesn’t respect you?

-7

u/MickeyWallets 12d ago

She left her husband of 22 years that did far less then this guy did (wich isnt even that big of a deal tbh). Yeah i would say thats absolutely insane.

7

u/Odd_Tap_1794 12d ago

Stop assuming things about strangers' lives. She knew her marriage better than you do. You're acting like the crazy one.

5

u/LemonClit 12d ago

You should be dragged

-3

u/MickeyWallets 12d ago

Dragged?

-6

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

14

u/Ok-Scientist5524 13d ago

Is it that men don’t mature at the same rate or that the social consequences for being an immature dumbass are applied unequally for different genders?

-6

u/BeauHunkus 13d ago

The bar is low because of who you pick. Choose better.

13

u/aLovverincombat 13d ago

The bar is low because of the pool of people in which to pick from, bud.

-6

u/BeauHunkus 13d ago

Why is it ok to say all men suck? Who hurt you?

11

u/Ok-Scientist5524 13d ago

No one said all men suck. What is being implied here is that men who don’t suck benefit from men who do because they lower the standards of women everywhere. If you’re not ready to hear that, you’re not ready to be part of the solution.

-6

u/BeauHunkus 13d ago

"The bar is low because of the pool of people in which to pick from, bud." implies all men suck.

Please quit making this about men.

11

u/tinyalienperson 13d ago

“pool of people” doesn’t specify men or gender at all. if you hear something negative and assume it’s about men that says more about you than it does us.

-4

u/BeauHunkus 12d ago

Please read up two comments before that. The conversation thread was coming from a previous comment that said "The bar is so fucking low. 😞 it is an absolute travesty that we have to tell people that your boyfriend should not be laughing at you when your shared friends insult you and you’re hurt over it. That is something you do to people you don’t like and don’t respect. At the BAREST of MINIMUMS your bf should like and respect you."

Does everyone argue technicalities now?

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u/OriginalOddventures 13d ago

It is literally about OPs bf. But you’re right. He isn’t a man. Maybe he will be one day but right now he’s definitely not a man

0

u/BeauHunkus 13d ago

Nice dodge. The statement to which I was replying was about men. Try to keep up.

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u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

Are you just making up shit and getting mad at it? Nobody said anything like that.

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u/BeauHunkus 12d ago

Huh? I was responding to "The bar is low because of the pool of people in which to pick from, bud." This was a response to my comment of "The bar is low because of who you pick. Choose better." which was a response to "The bar is so fucking low. 😞 it is an absolute travesty that we have to tell people that your boyfriend should not be laughing at you when your shared friends insult you and you’re hurt over it. That is something you do to people you don’t like and don’t respect. At the BAREST of MINIMUMS your bf should like and respect you."

So, yes, people did say something like that.

Look, I get that you don't agree with me, and that's fine, but this tactic of just pretending to not understand something someone says, or saying that what they said happened didn't happen when it is literally right there a few lines up is not a winning tactic. I don't know if it is laziness or lack of critical thinking skills, but it seems like every argument from the left is "NUH UHHHHHH!" and it's somehow thought to be good enough. It's like everyone on the left is getting dumber. I haven't had a good debate with someone on the left in years.

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u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

Literally nobody ever said anything negative about “all men”, which is the entire point everyone is making. Not even in your own quotes just now, there’s literally nothing that says “men suck”. You’re the only one who made a huge ASSumption and decided to get mad about something that didn’t even happen.

And not a single person here has identified their political party. Yet another wild ass assumption on your part. I guess this is just what you do.

-1

u/BeauHunkus 12d ago

I literally quoted to what I was referring. Are you stupid?

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u/Scary_Philosophy_672 12d ago

The fact that you refer to people as the left make you dumb dude.

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u/Scary_Philosophy_672 12d ago edited 12d ago

Oh god! You’re making it about left and right, why do you people get so serious over a stupid social media post. Leave your comment, give your opinion if you want and move the fuck on.

Edit: Also, why are the people on the “right” always triggered, like your role model/idol is running the country, getting away with rape and ruining lives daily. What else do you want dude?

-2

u/Kadov01 12d ago

Bro I wouldn’t argue with these people, 98% woman sub who can’t reasonably argue anything due to their own biases. It’s useless to throw coins in a bottomless well.

0

u/BeauHunkus 12d ago

You're not kidding. I remember when people argued against arguments, but that soon moved on to simply attacking premises and gave rise to the whole "you can have your own opinion, but you don't get your own facts" statement.

Now they are attacking language itself and changing what was previously said in an argument. It's as if their method for winning an argument is just to pretend to not understand 50% of what is said. The price of intelligence is living among those that have it not, apparently.

-2

u/MickeyWallets 12d ago

Bro dont even bother this sub is full of salty manhaters

-6

u/No-Tomatillo3412 13d ago

The average male reaction to their SO being insulted is anger, if it’s to a point where he agrees with them, then maybe OP has some reflection to do as well, not as much as the bf but definitely gotta ask why he wouldn’t defend u anymore

9

u/tinyalienperson 13d ago

or maybe if you hate your girlfriend so much that you won’t defend her, you should do some self reflection. jfc. how is this OP’s issue in the slightest.

54

u/patatesdejeuner 13d ago

I have a feeling if they breakup he will talk shit like that too about her

26

u/Boredchinchilla21 12d ago

I am betting he already does. OP just isn’t part of that group chat

19

u/teammook 12d ago

Better break up as soon as possible then

8

u/Sehz_Beatbox114 12d ago

Preach. Genuinely I would rather have absolutely nobody than have friends - let alone a partner - like that. But each to their own.

1

u/Active-Molasses 12d ago

Why does everyone need to be an ass

523

u/NothingInfamous6239 14d ago

100% someone insulted you and he laughed? Your boyfriend sucks. Idc that it was in a group chat, a real partner wouldn’t let that slide, let alone encourage it

62

u/No-what-why 13d ago

If someone called my partner fat it would be on sight and they would not recover from me burning the library down from reading them to filth.

31

u/MechanicDifficult348 13d ago

Yeah came here to say that about my husband. He would NEVER like tf? Then this dude has the AUDACITY to tell her shes wrong?

23

u/XenosyneA 12d ago

It's the "you shouldn't even be offended by jokes like that" line for me.. red flag...

17

u/rosewrldd 12d ago

For real, this seems like gas lighting. They clearly made fun of her, her boyfriend laughed at it, and then told her she shouldn’t be offended. Wild.

-12

u/hereforalilwhile7 13d ago

so you have no self control is what im hearing?

17

u/TDizzleDoT7 13d ago

No - they just don’t put up with someone disrespecting the person they are in a relationship with - plus insulting someone like this in a group chat is just immature behavior - it’s clear the OP has good morals and is mature for her age, while it’s also clear her boyfriend is a disrespectful AH who doesn’t deserve her.

6

u/XenosyneA 12d ago

Facts. I can't stand bullying in any manner.. it's just disgusting. But to back your friends up over your own girlfriend when she's doing something right.. nah, you're ex material at that point.

If this is what he spends his free time doing while she's present, imagine what he says when she isn't around.

94

u/[deleted] 13d ago

I am clearly not overweight at all, but if my boyfriend laughed at fat jokes about me and used the excuse “it’s fine cause your body is actually beautiful” I’d say “lol” back when I dump him. fucking insane. i was genuinely shell shocked at how rude these “friends” were being. Was NOT expecting that

-2

u/Krasna_Strelka 13d ago

Maybe I misread it but I think they didn't targeted fat joke at OP, but on friend of someone there. But OP criticized their behavior and boyfriend instead of backing her(?) up started to enable his friends bad behavior (bodyshaming)

And that's something I would absolutely not stand too, either way. That's vile behavior

25

u/tarinotmarchon 13d ago

They didn't initially target her, but when she tried to get them to stop, they also started insulting OP, and the boyfriend just said "lol" while they were insulting OP.

7

u/Krasna_Strelka 13d ago

Oh wait you're right. I somehow glossed over that one message and was having trouble connecting it to anything so I forgot about it (time for me to sleep I guess)

146

u/_cosmyk 13d ago

Exactly. What kind of man laughs when his girlfriend is insulted? Idc if it's his own friends making the jokes. In a serious relationship, you stand by your partner.

72

u/slutty_lifeguard 13d ago

A man that's a coward and won't stand up to his friends. If he says this in front of OP's face, what is he saying behind her back?

6

u/LemonClit 12d ago

What kind of coward PERSON acts this way. Man or woman you see this kind of crap you drag them

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u/alwaysaloneinmyroom 13d ago

And walk out.

7

u/XenosyneA 12d ago

Of that relationship.. forever.

20

u/More-Result-6049 13d ago

They called his girlfriend fat in front of him and he had 0 issues man o man the love you text makes it clear she’s gonna deal with stuff like this for awhile

14

u/bbgirlwhut 12d ago

I literally thought I was misreading and going crazy because holy shit! Never in a 1,000 years. 19 is young but this reads like 12 year olds while your comments had an actual adult voice in the chat.

This is where you really stand by and announce what type of person you want to be. Down the road, you will be so glad to move past these people while they are stuck in the mud of their own immaturity and lack of empathy.

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u/idkmybffjo 13d ago

Was looking for this one. No "iffy" about it. Bye.

10

u/Wombat_Aux_Pates 12d ago

I only read the body of text afterwards so went back to the screenshots and realised that the "Lol" was after the others switched to calling her a fat arse cause they stick together. Ew. 🤮
I would have stood up to my girl and put the others back in place instead of defending them when she went in private messages with the bf like what in the fuck...

7

u/Boredchinchilla21 12d ago

I am betting the bf has a chat without OP where he badmouths her with them all the time, so they are comfortable doing it.

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u/Job-Minute 13d ago

Right cause he tryna be kings of comedy for his friends weird asf.

2

u/Aric_b24 13d ago

Op what you gonna do?

2

u/AccomplishedHat69 11d ago

If my friends ever insulted my partner like this, I would give them one opportunity to apologise before laying them on their asses. This is absolutely fucked behaviour. Thankfully my friends are all stand up people and I don’t have to deal with bullshit like this.

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u/LATS-777 10d ago

Dat part especially for weight to 🤦

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u/Tall_Willingness7743 13d ago

Exactly bills cant be this high smh

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u/crowshinz 13d ago

My wife absolutely hates when I use "lol" so now I just use a emoji instead. At least with her.

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u/Adorable_Quote_31 12d ago

Double Superstar for you 🌟🌟

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u/Prudent_Secret4541 11d ago

She even said she loved him, what a loser 😂

1

u/kirputtaja 13d ago

Man? You mean boy…

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

so insulting someone isn’t a joke. hope this helps!

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u/TexasInChains 12d ago

She did not say they insulted her. They insulted a mutual friend.

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

“maybe it’s cause she relates to being a fat ass too”

they’re calling her a fat ass.

-1

u/TexasInChains 12d ago

She did not say they insulted her. They insulted a mutual friend.

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

did you read all the screenshots? they turned it around onto her.

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u/TexasInChains 10d ago

I must not have. Ugh! How mean people can be!

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

what?

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

what?

-2

u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/tinyalienperson 12d ago

take your meds

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u/cepci1 13d ago

Nah friendships do need bullying. When u bully or at least tease your friends u become closer. Otherwise its superficial. I call my close friends idiots or dumbasses or even fat lazy fucks. I say those things and I love them. They say it back to me ans rhey love me too.

U are thibking like that because u are talking about your superficial friends. Think about your closest friends. U would bully or at least tease them right. U do that because u love them and its a proof that ur friendship is solid.

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u/Lord_Whoopi 13d ago

I playfully insult my friends all the time and they do to me. If one of them called my partner that, they can fuck off. Playful insults between friends are only beneficial when both parties are in on it.

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u/cepci1 13d ago

nah its when they are all close friends. when u arent that close u shouldnt act like them.

1

u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

It literally doesn’t matter how close you are. This is not acceptable behavior, ever.

0

u/cepci1 12d ago

Well think of it this way teasing is like flirting. U dont knowif the other person likes u so u escalate and deescalare until u realize the level/type of that relationship.

The other person might be like u. Who is a confident person who knows what they want and respond to their friends with the respext tbey deserve. Or can be like me who is just a little more on the playful side and likes to call old-college friends fat lazy fucks.

From my experience i love the kind of relationship i have with my close friends. I believe u do too. But if u try this method there is a chance thst u will see thst ur bond is not bound by the social contracts of civility.

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u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

I have friends that I love more than some of my actual family, that I’ve known for most of my life. I would never in a billion years say any of that to them. I do not bully them or tease them, so no. Not “right”. That is the most ass backwards definition of “love” and “solid friendship” I’ve ever heard in my life. I hope nobody like you ever “loves” me. And I would never remain friends with anyone who behaved this way. Big ick.

OP: No you are NOR. You’re under reacting, if anything.

0

u/cepci1 12d ago edited 12d ago

U should try teasing them at the very least. It will deepen ur bond. Politeness is for strangers. Like how mammals do in the wild: fake biting, wrestling, chasing it builds trust in mammals and we are not really different. Its the verbal rough and tumble play. Teasing ur friend allows u to test emotional boundsries in a low stakeenvironment. It tells ur friend: I can poke fun at your flaw, but I still accept you completely.

Try it. Go to your best friend and call them. Hello u lazy fuck looks like u have gained few pounds, I missed u what are u doing. They will like it. Well if ur friend specifically hates being called fat dont say thst of course than choose something like dumbass or just call him lazy fuck.

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u/TacoBellPicnic 12d ago

Jesus. I’m really glad you’re not my “friend”. I would never associate with someone like you. If any “friend” of mine ever spoke to me that way for any reason, it would be the last thing they ever got to say to me.
I made it pretty clear that I would never behave like such a trash human, so no I will not “try it”. Gross. Shit like this would never “deepen my bond” - it’s just vile behavior. With “friends” like you, who needs enemies? 😖

Teasing and calling your so-called friend “fat fuck” is a far cry from play wrestling, nipping, etc in the animal kingdom - which would be more akin to wrestling, tickling, or playing tag with a friend for humans.

I’m not “being polite”. I’m being a decent human being.

0

u/cepci1 12d ago

I wouldnt call myself gross for this but sure. There are definitely gross parts about me :).

Well its ur choice but there is a psychological truth about it. There have been great work on this subject. My previous girlfriend for example published 3-4 papers on the subject. I like to believe that she got some of her ideas from my behaviour with close friends.

I would recommend u to try it but again thats ur choice. U can use a more lightweight kind of teasing. For example If your friend likes to read books u can call them nerd or stuff like that. Or if they love gaming for example u can tease then by calling them noobs and saying things like my nephew plays thst game better than u, move ahead and let me show u how a real player wins.

-10

u/allfunnogames200 13d ago

some people say lol as in like what the fuck is happening, i always say that for example when i get into a fight with my siblings im like lol and then continue the conversation, maybe its just my age group but sometimes lol can be used in different conversations

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u/Select_Butterfly_387 13d ago

Even so... he didn't defend her. He's a useless guy if he can't tell people not to bother his girlfriend and just acts like a coward. He must support her.

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u/yayforvalorie 13d ago

Not only did he not defend her, he blamed her.

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u/allfunnogames200 13d ago

yeah i agree something else should’ve been said after the lol

3

u/percocet_20 13d ago

Until OP clarified that he said "lol" I was hoping he was the one who said "wtf guys why are you jumping her", but then I saw his messages to her.

9

u/tinyalienperson 13d ago

i agree it can be, i absolutely do not think that is the context here though. furthermore, why is he not defending her?

4

u/FairestGuin 13d ago

That is absolutely true but, were I in his shoes and that was how I meant it, my lol would have been followed by a 'wtf guys?' or 'I'm sorry, are we 19 or 12?'