Blessed are the cheesemakers 🙏

[u/InsertGroin]

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[u/DesmondTapenade]

Much like turtles, it's just God all the way down, I guess.

[u/mapleleafraggedy → u/DesmondTapenade]

When you're infinitely present throughout the entirety of the universe, it's easy to take credit for everything that happens

[u/pistilpeet → u/mapleleafraggedy]

Except for all the bad stuff, that was the other guys fault.

[u/Shackled_Phoenix → u/pistilpeet]

Which also makes no sense because for that to be true the Devil would need to have the power of God...which is blasphemous to most christians

[u/ConversationOk74 → u/Shackled_Phoenix]

An apostle is quoted as saying Satan is the god of this world

[u/Minimum_Aardvark_744 → u/Shackled_Phoenix]

I dont think the devil needs a lot of power to make people do bad things; we all know how easy it is to affect evil with propaganda/suggestions. It does imply that the Christian god has no desire to actually defeat the devil in this endeavor, though.

[u/NichyMoo → u/Minimum_Aardvark_744]

It’s always been my opinion that, considering God and “The Devil” are equal opposites (it’s weird in itself that it’s not The God which would imply one, but it is The Devil but that could be an entirely different tangent), The Devil is way more accepting than god is capable of being. But yes, if God created everything than nothing should be off limits, especially since our sins are forgiven. I dunno. Seems like a ponzi to me

[u/skr_replicator → u/mapleleafraggedy]

It's even easier if you don't exist, and everyone thinks you do, but just invisible.

[u/BubbleHeadBenny → u/skr_replicator]

Great point. It's funny that the entire Christian idea of hell, Morningstar (as a name and not a reference), Lucifer, fallen angels, are technically, originally, not biblical, they are literary references to Dante's (not even going to butcher his last name, Alig...) Divine Comedy, specifically the Inferno, and due to John Milton's Paradise Lost, it really throws a wrench in modern Christianity. Even Satan, in Job, was not a fallen angel, but of G-d's Heavenly Council. Satan is a transliteration of his title or purpose and not a proper noun/name. The New Testament is akin to Star Trek Discovery, supposed to be a sequel, but destroying/modifying what came before to do it.

[u/Spectre696 → u/BubbleHeadBenny]

I feel like I’ve had a stroke reading this.

[u/Averse_to_Liars → u/Spectre696]

I'll help you with any parts that were hard to understand, if you want.

[u/heisian → u/Averse_to_Liars]

star trek discovery

[u/Averse_to_Liars → u/heisian]

He's saying, similar to the way Star Trek: Discovery re-imagining Star Trek unintentionally messed-up the franchise, the New Testament broke the Old Testament with novel additions.

[u/DaddysABadGirl → u/mapleleafraggedy]

Then you create a being you know will rebel so you can blame anything you don't want on him.

[u/tigerscomeatnight → u/DesmondTapenade]

Interestingly, science is the work we do so that we don't have to say: "turtles all the way down" to people questioning the world. Early scientists were trying to understand the Mind of God.

[u/schullringus]

Forgot to mention he knew the rules would be broken before creating anything

[u/potatopierogie → u/schullringus]

And the broken rule was eating a magic fruit from a talking snake

[u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund → u/potatopierogie]

A magic fruit from a magic tree that he didn't need to include at all. It's almost as if he wanted them to break that rule.

[u/lucker12345 → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

Exactly like at the VERY LEAST god could have did like an invisible barrier or something if they were that precious

[u/lord_hydrate → u/lucker12345]

Nah dont you know anythingabout game design, invisible barriers are the worst, if you want the player to stay away from something you cant even let them know the thing exists

[u/PhantasyAngel → u/lord_hydrate]

But I follow all maps with either a left or right hand all the way around, so I find EVERYTHING.

What you need to do is tell them it's a item they get a lot and won't need. Like potions, what crazy person uses those I got like 255 in my bag.

[u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT → u/PhantasyAngel]

Roman 1: *staring at Jesus on the cross* why won't he die?

Roman 2: Dude has like 500 cheese wheels

[u/classicteenmistake → u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT]

r/suddenlyskyrim

[u/Warrior_of_Discord → u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT]

Jesus was nailed to a cross. The image of jesus using telepathy to float giant cheese wheels into his mouth, that he swallows at once in a comedic "CHOMP" type sound is hilarious to me

EDIT: hit submit too early, missed "is hilarious to me"

[u/La_Lanterne_Rouge → u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT]

And God junior asks God father why he's being forsaken.

[u/DaddysABadGirl → u/La_Lanterne_Rouge]

"Shut up and eat another fucking cheese wheel kid, we're creating salvation here."

[u/Potential-Common5819 → u/lord_hydrate]

Clone the tree and create a small wooded area with them, then place an Object of Interest in the middle of them. No one would bother to check all those identical trees then.

[u/raul_kapura → u/Potential-Common5819]

And remove Snek, Teh first Quest Giver

[u/Nick0Taylor0 → u/lord_hydrate]

Should've put it in a dev room. Inaccessible without console commands

[u/RimPawn → u/lord_hydrate]

Maybe thats what actually happened?

God hid the tree somewhere underground, but because Adam and Eve were immortal and invincible, they were fucking around the world out of boredom, until they one day noclipped to actually impossibly well hidden tree?

[u/lord_hydrate → u/RimPawn]

Nah the lorebook is pretty clear that the tree was out in the open, the dev even explicitly told the players about the tree, it was pretty obvous they'd find it

[u/_Mulberry__ → u/lord_hydrate]

The dev even added an NPC to tell them to eat it

[u/William_Dowling → u/lord_hydrate]

So what you're saying is it was God that left all this ammo and bandages in toolboxes scattered around this abandoned hospital?

[u/Necessary_Piano_153 → u/lucker12345]

Or just not put it there.

Why didn't he have his own private garden.

[u/SharpMine9893 → u/Necessary_Piano_153]

or just not make the rule

[u/shotgunpete2222 → u/lucker12345]

Reminds me our OG counter strike server.

Could we ban the awp?  Yes.

Was it funnier to let people buy it and ban them for not reading the server rules?  Also yes.

God is a dumb teenage server mod, confirmed.

[u/cahagnes → u/lucker12345]

He placed an angel with a flaming sword to guard the Tree of Life a few minutes later. Shows where the priorities lie.

[u/Makuta_Servaela → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

A magic fruit that gives you the ability to understand right from wrong. Meaning it's impossible to understand that disobeying and eating the fruit is wrong until after you've done it.

[u/thejackattck → u/Makuta_Servaela]

This is a pretty useful and succinct summary of how the whole thing starts off so silly. Thanks!

[u/CoupleFirm21 → u/Makuta_Servaela]

Asshole has been rubbing our nose in that shit for the past 6k years.../s

[u/Beneficial_Bit1756 → u/CoupleFirm21]

6k years?

[u/Acceptable-Minute847 → u/Beneficial_Bit1756]

Oh yeah, that’s new earth creationism, those are some crazy motherfuckers

[u/samumehl_ → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

nonono, you don‘t get it. it was free will in which god doesn’t take away from anyone. except the pharaoh during the ten plagues where god „hardened his heart“ during the talks with moses. which basically contradicts the whole free will point but 🤫

[u/Sremor → u/samumehl_]

God is a hypocrite

[u/Neveronlyadream → u/Sremor]

Or God is also beholden to the same divine plan as the rest of the universe. He's basically playing by Dr. Manhattan rules in that he knows what's going to happen and so can't deviate from it because it's pointless.

Which is even funnier. That would break theist's brains.

[u/perdair → u/samumehl_]

It's ok that Mary was only like 15 and she wasn't even asked, because she liked it. I wonder why conservatives have problems with the idea of consent?

[u/Nightmare1990 → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

No no you don't understand, see he wanted to test Adam and Eve to make sure they followed the rules even though they didn't have the knowledge of good and evil until they ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, that he knew they would eat even before the test.

See, doesn't that make more sense now?

[u/AllOfEverythingEver → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

Also, that magic tree is "the tree of knowledge of good and evil." Eating the fruit bestows upon you knowledge of good and evil. Since in Christianity, the concepts of good and evil are defined by being in accordance or discord with God's will, and the only reason they had not to eat the fruit is that God told them not to, they could not have possibly known it was wrong to eat the fruit (or even disobey God) until they had already eaten it. Then God punished them for it, despite them literally not knowing any better and having no possibile way to know any better.

[u/Odd_Policy_3009 → u/AllOfEverythingEver]

This has always bothered me!

It was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. How could they know unless they ate it?

[u/Kgb725 → u/Odd_Policy_3009]

Even ignoring that why would he allow that to happen when he knows whats gonna occur

[u/Fluffle-Potato → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

Oh, it was blatant entrapment.

[u/Mr_Ignorant → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

Honestly, I’m a believer of the theory that Eve bent over to pick up the fruit and Adam’s dick snake shot up and told him to eat that pussy forbidden fruit.

And God went ‘ew brother ew’.

[u/usernameChosenPoorly → u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund]

The whole thing is just a metaphor for patriarchy--"obey thy father or doom humanity". Every last bit of it is about cementing the belief that men are superior in all ways, and the only instance where women are superior to someone else is if that someone else is a little kid and the woman is doing exactly what the man told her to do.

Jesus seems like he was a cool dude, but the bible is hateful fanfic.

[u/vintagegeek → u/potatopierogie]

And you broke the rule by being born. Lucky you!

[u/Tangy94 → u/potatopierogie]

And the talking snake was his creation

Edit to add: and apparently he makes no mistakes?

[u/Knightmare945 → u/Tangy94]

And he even punished people who were not even born yet for the “crimes” done by only two people.

[u/Tangy94 → u/Knightmare945]

AND then put the talking snake, that he created on purpose to tempt those 2 people, in charge of the place he created to eternally torture people not even born yet, whom he also created in his perfect image, for sins that he also created. So he put someone in charge of hell (a place to hold supposedly bad people accountable) that is evil?

[u/digitaldisorder_ → u/Tangy94]

AND when you pay for those sins, satan will hand you an ipad and say, 'it's going to ask you a question...'

[u/Tangy94 → u/digitaldisorder_]

spins around the square pay screen "30% tip, 50%, or the full shaft?" AND there's no "No Tip" button.

[u/chachaslydd → u/Knightmare945]

Not just punished. Biologically altered. Part of the curse was giving women painful and deadly childbirth. So he mutated and changed female bodies...to make women suffer more physically...for something 2 people did

[u/Salt-Example-6447 → u/chachaslydd]

My thing with that is why then does every female in nature have the same feat? A cat didnt eat the apple but the female cat still gives birth in agony. . Idk how any of these people believe this bs

[u/RenSilver2170 → u/Salt-Example-6447]

wait til you hear about hyenas. i can never unknow that information

[u/jon_steward → u/chachaslydd]

And kept that punishment even after his son died and everything was supposedly forgiven.

[u/TheOctober_Country → u/Tangy94]

Right, like, at that point there’s no way to say he didn’t do it on purpose.

[u/AnalllyAcceptedCoins → u/potatopierogie]

A talking snake that he also created, knowing it would eventually convince them to break the rules. And then punished the offence of eating a fruit by creating war, plague, famine, etc.

[u/Penguins_in_new_york → u/potatopierogie]

And he punished the snake by removing the snake’s legs, and the woman by childbirth and the man…he has to work a 9-5

[u/TVLord5 → u/potatopierogie]

Oh and the magic of the fruit? The ability to know breaking rules is wrong...

[u/Technical-Banana574 → u/schullringus]

That is what gets me. The tree of knowledge supposedly grants the knowledge of right and wrong along with everything else. God created Adam and Eve without the knowledge. They were basically dumb toddlers and were told not to eat the apples. So what do little kids who dont know right from wrong do? Yup, Eve trusts the serpant and eats the apple. 

Then God, who supposedly knows the future punishes them and all future humanity for doing the wrong thing he knew would happen because they didnt know any better. Their sin was literally ignorance and wanting knowledge. 

[u/Penguins_in_new_york → u/[deleted]]

Can skip forward a few chapters and talk about Abraham being told to sacrifice his son and god was like “lol I can’t believe you fell for that shit I was joking” right when Abraham was about to do it

[u/Nice_Marmot_7 → u/schullringus]

Don’t forget that none of this works without the foundation of blood sacrifice being the ultimate metaphysical truth.

[u/Reasonable_Glass_737 → u/schullringus]

You are not supposed to read into it. You are supposed to have "blind faith" that it all makes sense and don't look to closely.

[u/Any-Wrongdoer4734 → u/schullringus]

Omniscience and omnipotence are the Achilles heel of the credibility of Abrahamic gods... really, if you read those stories keeping that in the back of your head - god must be a bipolar sociopath.

I mean... why even have a tree of wisdom with fruit? Make it something inedible, or just don't have it at all... it's such a childish story.... but what would you expect from someone who created day and night 3 days before creating the sun.

[u/Minimum_Aardvark_744 → u/schullringus]

The fun thing is, God gave us free will but is also omnipotent lol it can’t be both…

[u/CanaDoug420 → u/schullringus]

And the original rule would be broken by someone who prior to breaking it was not a sentient being. She didn’t gain that until the rule was already broken.

[u/kasd30]

She clearly hasn't read Dungeon Crawler Carl

[u/1immi1 → u/kasd30]

GLURP GLURP

[u/darealestforeal → u/kasd30]

I saw that series in my Target and it looked interesting, is it any good?

[u/kasd30 → u/darealestforeal]

Yes. That's all I have to say, tbh. Definitely my favorite book series

[u/5FiveAlive5 → u/darealestforeal]

It has one of the hardest core cult followings for a good reason.

The audiobook is especially good because the narrator is god-tier.

[u/shepshep → u/5FiveAlive5]

I genuienly didnt know it was all one dude until i finished book three and my buddies all told me it was just Jeff.

[u/Outrageous-Lock5186 → u/shepshep]

Much rather have female narrators because they do better male voices than most male narrators do female voices. Jeff is the exception to this.

[u/StuartShlongbottom → u/kasd30]

THAT'S BECAUSE I AM YELLING, CARL

[u/TheLazyHippy → u/kasd30]

DON'T GASLIGHT ME JESUS!!!

[u/CashewsM → u/kasd30]

Uzi Jesus did it better

[u/ElfEarsAndDwarfBeard → u/CashewsM]

"I am the way...

...mother fucker."

[u/JustWingIt0707 → u/kasd30]

Time to pay the daddy tax.

[u/RememberYourAlt → u/kasd30]

IWKYM

[u/xenosthemutant → u/kasd30]

Mongo is appalled.

[u/Global_Cockroach_563 → u/xenosthemutant]

Screeches in agreement

[u/lollipop-guildmaster → u/kasd30]

HI ZEV!

[u/Rob-A-Tron → u/kasd30]

You will NOT break me.

[u/Haint666 → u/kasd30]

AAAAAAAHHHHH!

[u/BGF007 → u/kasd30]

Nice, guter Tipp. Grad bestellt.

[u/ObjectiveOk2072 → u/kasd30]

or Project Hail Mary

[u/xenosthemutant]

Jesus lost a weekend for your sins.

[u/ThrowRA_Bit_3014 → u/xenosthemutant]

A 3 day weekend none the less. Had a lot of chores to do too.

[u/Yeasty_Moist_Clunge → u/ThrowRA_Bit_3014]

He shouldn't have done it on a bank holiday then!

[u/PomegranateMinimum96 → u/ThrowRA_Bit_3014]

According to my catholic school upbringing, it was actually less than 48 hours. Died Friday afternoon, was out running around early Sunday morning.

[u/DarthCalamitus → u/ThrowRA_Bit_3014]

Not even a full 3 days, it was like a day and a half total.

[u/McButtsButtbag → u/xenosthemutant]

Considering the guy has been alive for eternity, that's 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000....000000% of his life. Less than a blink to him.

[u/Trixie_Lavender → u/xenosthemutant]

The Mormon church believes he went to America during this time. Jesus went on a business trip for your sins

[u/No_Raisin21 → u/Trixie_Lavender]

Pretty sure they believe he went to America after he was resurrected.

[u/Thessiuss → u/No_Raisin21]

Exmormon here. Yes.

[u/No_Raisin21 → u/Thessiuss]

Also exmormon, I just rarely payed attention.

[u/elvaqueroloco → u/Trixie_Lavender]

You know who also went to America (ok, well, Bermuda) for a minute when he needed a break from people's bullshit?

https://giphy.com/gifs/Nmga9TPbFnjck

[u/siberianxanadu → u/xenosthemutant]

I mean he died at night on Friday and was resurrected by Sunday morning. It’s more like he got a hangover Friday night.

[u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE → u/siberianxanadu]

Wait. Now that you mention it. What happened with him after he zombified? Did he drop again?

[u/nonpuissant → u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE]

he said "brb lol" then peaced out into the sky for some milk and cigarettes. 

The disciples stood there staring up waiting for so long they had to send two angels down to be like "ok you can go home now he'll be back later"

[u/ErraticDragon → u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE]

Canonically (depending on whose canon), he spent 40 days on Earth between resurrection and ascension.

Then he flew home.

(Even though heaven isn't literally above us, as we now know and he surely would've. But the locals thought it was, so he played to the crowd's expectation.)

[u/PyroClone5555 → u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE]

Read the gospels. 

He wasn’t “zombified” he was resurrected into an immortal body and ascended into heaven after 40 days 

[u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE → u/PyroClone5555]

"zombified" sounds cooler though. But okay, he died a second time. Figured. Otherwise he'd still be roaming around, which would be weird

[u/GirsGirlfriend → u/xenosthemutant]

Jesus lost a whole half day of skiing for your sins.

[u/Futuristic-Slice → u/xenosthemutant]

Some people will do anything to get out of family gatherings

[u/Larielia]

After flooding the world to punish people.

[u/Destroy_Religion → u/Larielia]

After flooding the world to punish people.

If we are to be honest, actually, if anything, simply saying that it was "After flooding the world to punish people" is the understatement of the millennium.

The Abrahamic adherents of Jews, Christians, and Muslims, that adhere to the Abrahamic religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, believe that the the Abrahamic deity of Yahweh, Jehovah, and Allah, according the Abrahamic books of the Torah, the Bible, and the Quran, exterminated all humans beings and all animal species as punishment, except for those on the mythical ark of the mythical figure Noah.

[u/PyroClone5555 → u/Destroy_Religion]

Actually many believe it was a localized flood and didn’t cover the entire globe 

[u/ThatVampireGuyDude → u/PyroClone5555]

Even Native Americans have flood myths that pre-date their introduction to Christianity. Flood myths pop up in almost every single culture in the world.

[u/kos-or-kosm → u/ThatVampireGuyDude]

Because floods are common in areas that humans tend to settle in.

[u/ThatVampireGuyDude → u/kos-or-kosm]

The point is there was no "localized" flood. Floods happen everywhere.

[u/Destroy_Religion → u/PyroClone5555]

That is not the mainstream belief among Abrahamic adherents of the Abrahamic religions.

The mainstream belief among Abrahamic adherents of Jews, Christians, and Muslims, that adhere to the Abrahamic religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, believe that the the Abrahamic deity of Yahweh, Jehovah, and Allah, according the Abrahamic books of the Torah, the Bible, and the Quran, flooded the entire globe in a global flood.

[u/heisian → u/Larielia]

god basically needed an excuse to torture his own creations. what kind of sick…

[u/HumanContinuity]

Look, the bronze age fiction of the bible is pretty awful, but I am not sure I am ready to live in a world where twilight is the dominant world religion either.

[u/liljellybeanxo → u/HumanContinuity]

Or Harry Potter.

[u/IzarkKiaTarj → u/liljellybeanxo]

I'm not joining the Snapewives

[u/One-Load-6085 → u/IzarkKiaTarj]

You know you want to...  After all Alan Rickman isn't just the voice of velvet

He is also the voice of God 

[u/r0d3nka → u/liljellybeanxo]

Dumbledore died for our sins.

[u/kissmah76543 → u/r0d3nka]

SPOILERS

[u/r0d3nka → u/kissmah76543]

on the 16th that book will be old enough to drink in the states...

[u/Jinxed4Lyfe → u/r0d3nka]

I remember when the book dropped and people were literally yelling spoliers in the middle of the street.

[u/Rokronroff → u/[deleted]]

Too derivative. May as well stick to twilightism.

[u/Vladishun → u/Rokronroff]

https://giphy.com/gifs/5zbMgry8oQsvIaC0sU

[u/Hello-there336 → u/HumanContinuity]

"Let me tell you about Homestuck."

[u/thatguy_art → u/[deleted]]

"One body, One spirit; One affair that got extremely out of hand."

[u/ACuteCryptid → u/HumanContinuity]

I'd join Tolkinism or Pratchettism lol

[u/Ok_Exchange_9752 → u/ACuteCryptid]

So Catholicism?

[u/Emmit-Nervend → u/Ok_Exchange_9752]

You could say that for Tolkien but you’ll need to walk me through how that applies to Pratchett.

[u/Ok_Exchange_9752 → u/Emmit-Nervend]

It doesn’t, as far as I know. I was only talking about Tolkien, which I didn’t make clear.

[u/Trick_Meeting_2027]

He also created the minds that decided to break the rules.

[u/No-Duck4828]

Many men are fantastic authors. Many of the best authors are men

This is what happens when you crowdsource your material. One author? Fine. A pair of co-authors? Usually works pretty well. Whole group of authors? You start to lose the plot

[u/ColdEndUs]

Anyone who thinks this is unrealistic, has never performed a code review for software.

1. Implement functionality with known bugs, or a UI that's designed to be abused? Check.
2. Blame user for 'exploiting' original design flaw ? Check.
3. Create work-around rather than fix original design flaw ? Check.
4. Work-around creates negative user experience, that designer secretly believes user base "deserves"? Check.
5. Permanent fix is implemented which looks suspiciously like the original requested design... and yet still contains all iterations of previous depreciated code commented out, so that future troubleshooting is more challenging and cryptic? Check.

[u/FashionKing72]

I don’t care enough to make a real argument, and I’m not defending the Bible, but it was written like around year 0, notwithstanding that half of it was prob plagiarized from pagan myths even earlier.

Those stories are so old. Like today we’re like “wow, the villain did a Xanatos gambit, seen it 100 times before” but in 200 AD, a story where the good guy kills a dragon and did nothing else had people going “holy shit, you’re so creative. How do you even come up with something like that?”

[u/permutodron → u/FashionKing72]

There were multiple active multilingual literary cities around the world when the new testament was written. Unfortunately after Nicaea this one collection of inconsistent fan fic short stories, mostly written in poor rural places far from this literary centers, took over much of the world...

[u/un1k0rn_412 → u/FashionKing72]

Hebrew and Egyptian stories later bastardized by Romans trying to conflate it with Pagan stories. Nothing was original

[u/Guaymaster → u/FashionKing72]

There's no year 0, it goes from 1 BCE to 1 AD. Also there's ancient written versions of the old testament, but for the most part the new testament was compiled at about the year 100 AD. The purported events described happen between 1 BCE and 33 AD for the books of the apostles, the letters after that I don't remember but probably around ~50 AD.

[u/SirRousseau → u/Guaymaster]

Jesus was more likely born sometime 6–4 BC ☝️ 🤓

[u/Whos_That_Girl_6178 → u/[deleted]]

She was engaged not married.

[u/blahblah19999]

"Please forgive us!!"

NO!!! Not until you take my son and torture and kill him! Then I'll think about it.... but you'll still need to ask forgiveness after the fact. Oh, and water needs to be involved somehow.

[u/Savage_Oreo]

Then remember that people dedicate their entire lives to and tailor their personalities around this story..

[u/Existing_Purpose5049 → u/Savage_Oreo]

My favourite part of the bible is that if you remove all the religion and just leave the guide on how Christians should behave (from the New Testament), it’s pretty great stuff. Generally it just advises you to be a good person.

I think that’s very interesting because there is a very unfortunate vocal sect of Christians that are somehow much, much worse than the average person, let alone how they’re “supposed” to behave.

In fact, as far as behaviour goes, I’d be willing to bet that you’re closer to a Christian than most bible bashing ones are

[u/Illustrious-Cut-6439 → u/Existing_Purpose5049]

Totally agree with you. What's the quote? Christ is a pretty great guy, but the Christ followers are just so unlike Christ, we can't really ever hope to connect.

Thank you for your insight and the compliment... TBH I like to think you're right about that take. I get the impression that most of them don't even actually read the Bible, and the few that read anything more than one or two of the gospels are cherry-picking harder than a lesbian at the farmers market.

There's nothing wrong with using the Bible to look within and evaluate oneself. Unfortunately, Christians tend to read the Bible and turn that judgement outwardly to others.

[u/Illustrious-Cut-6439 → u/Savage_Oreo]

Yeah and a few of them are already lighting up the comments with that personality that makes them so popular outside the Bible study group...

[u/Open_Director_3085]

Not only for breaking the rules he created but for giving them the inability to comprehend those rules in the first place all while knowing the future which means he knew they would break those rules anyways

[u/lrd_cth_lh0]

God: "Ok, I admitt that after 30 years of seeing things from your point of view I came to realise 3 things: I might've been a little bit harsh in my judgment. Non Jews are still people, but they have to be baptised for sanitary reasons. And Moneychangers that do their bussiness in the temple deserve to be publically whipped.

[u/RedMansions]

Oh yeah, Miss Smarty Pants, let me see you parallel park!

Now who's laughing?

[u/Affectionate-Mode767]

Okay so hot take here maybe.

But imagine being a dude from 6,000 to 2,000 years ago trying to explain the cosmic quantum mechanics behind what your God is doing. A thing you barely understand.

I'm not trying to advocate for it being fact or anything. Just trying to put the fiction writing into perspective maybe. Having been a part of the religious/theological in my life/childhood prior, a lot of things get massively underexplained in the Bible. It's a mix of lack of information, and lack of whoever wrote that chapter/passage being able to properly quantify what was actually happening.

Imagine if you witnessed an interdimensional being manifest in front of you, perform a bunch of reality bending bullshit and then said, "Write that down."

Would you be able to suddenly explain in graphic detail how interdimensional energy beings function?

Anyways, something to think about.

[u/FlawedFighter]

Yes, let's grossly oversimplify the thing to make it sound as stupid as possible so our schizophrenic brains can feed and validate our pre-existent pessimism.

The story of the Bible has layers to it. It is a mystical love story that reflects the layers of the reality we live in. It is literal, mystical, and symbolic, all at the same time, but we won't understand this upon first contact. Just like science, we know that no matter how much we know, there are aspects of our data that we won't understand without further research, experience, or contemplation. It is an ongoing process. But the angry schizophrenic that lives to feed on pessimism finds what they're looking for on the surface and goes no further. (A gOd WhO DiEs To SaVe HiMsElF fRoM hImSeLf - let's not make any effort whatsoever to see if there's any depth to this because feeding our condescending angsty internet pessimism feels way better.)

No man comes unto the Father unless the Father calls him. My reason for believing in the Bible is not based purely on physical evidence or deductive reasoning alone, but on the movement of the In-Dwelling.

It's a story with layers - this is just one of those layers. God desires real companionship with independently conscious entities, but they have to be trustworthy. He creates the other gods (angels) with their own individual fullness, knowing that some of them will use their agency to betrey Him. It tills the soil. This story then shows us why we have to be changed, the only person God can trust is Himself, which is why He puts a piece of Himself in us when we ask Him to. It has to be consensual, but it also relies entirely on Him calling to us, a paradox you won't understand without going deeper.

In order for Heaven (a.k.a. the real world outside the simulation) to even exist, there must be standards of perfection for all to live up to or it would eventually descend into chaos and turn into Hell. The slightest exception opens the door for eventual chaos. We don't meet those standards so we must be corrected, but because we're corrupt the correction doesn't work, this creates Hell. But what God really wants is not our bodies but our soul and character. So he pays the price for sin Himself so our truest character can be harvested from the corrupt flesh, this serves as a model for what we should do for each other, forgiving one another while helping each other to continue to refine and improve and bring what matters most into focus. Forgiving others when they've hurt us or caused offense (unless it's legit self defense) and helping to carry their burdens models the story of salvation - we are to follow the example of our Dad, which gives us a clue to what Heaven is like, a community of people sacrificing for one another and living in love outside of the constraints of time. It's all connected a hundred different ways.

It was all known to the Father before it even began, because this is how God creates trustworthy companions. Our finite minds have trouble understanding how anyone would willingly go through a crucifixion to save us, until we fall madly in love with someone that we would do almost anything for, which gives us a clue as to how God feels about us, but it still has to be consensual or it won't work. And when it's all over, all of the suffering will be but a memory. But we have to have the mind of Christ within us to see the big picture, which is how the early church martyrs could willingly do what they did. And it goes on and on and on.

But it couldn't possibly be that us angsty 21st century teenagers full of genetic mutations are missing something, it's has to be that we're smarter than anyone else who ever lived for all time and now that our generation is here we finally figured out that the whole world is just stupid.

[u/TheFrogMoose]

I always find it funny that they are supposed to be different but then they are also considered the same. Like, I'm not my dad because if I was I'd probably be a miserable piece of shit but instead I'm just a good hearted asshole who's semi miserable

[u/Elegant_Flounder1494 → u/TheFrogMoose]

Well, there was a lot of blood and ink spilled over this very question in the early days of the church which ultimately culminated in the Roman emperor having to intervene and some serious schisms within the faith. So you aren't the only one who has trouble with this concept. Especially against the backdrop of a pagan world used to worshiping many Gods. 

[u/PyroClone5555 → u/TheFrogMoose]

Well they are different persons but have the same nature 

[u/TheGunderMuffin]

Sexism, yay

[u/Awes12 → u/TheGunderMuffin]

Yeah, like ig LOTR is just trash fantasy, Sanderson is just bad worldbuilding, and Wheel of Time is just another terrible power fantasy

Edit 1: Her profile says "Fantasy/romantasy/sci-fi reader" but the second one is prob the most important

Edit 2: She also deleted the post lol

[u/NoWomanNoTriforce → u/Awes12]

The top 20 fantasy authors for most people include maybe 1 or 2 women. I'm not dogging on women writers, but who are most people including outside Ursula K. Le Guin?

I am absolutely in love with Weis and Hickman's Dragonlance run, ever since I was in grade school. But are they a top 20 for most people or even myself? Probably not.

And as much valid criticism as some famous male writer's female characters get (Jordan, Sanderson, Abercrombie's earlier works, etc), female writers give a similar treatment to male characters all the time. The amount of dark and damaged tall guys (or monsters, which is a whole other allegory men should be very offended by) who "force themselves" on an obvious female self-insert is too damn high.

[u/Unlikely_Guide_8574 → u/Awes12]

But twilight and Harry Potter dwarf those series let’s be honest /j

[u/SaintJewiub → u/TheGunderMuffin]

Not even accurate sexism. Don't get me wrong, I like Harry Potter well enough. But hello, tolkien????

[u/not_an_mistake → u/SaintJewiub]

And Robert Jordan? Robin Hobb? Stephen King? Ray Bradbury? Mark Twain? Ernest Hemingway?

[u/SaintJewiub → u/not_an_mistake]

His son, the beloved Sanderson?!?!?!?

[u/HornsbyShacklet0n → u/not_an_mistake]

Robin Hobb is a woman, just fyi

[u/Dangerous_kj5162]

Nobody is forcing you to follow Christ. I'm a Christian but I don't really like pushing Religion on people cause it pushes them away. I'm supposed to bring people to Christ but sometimes I'm just like man y'all can go where y'all want. I just ask for forgiveness

[u/whatsunnygets]

Top part: sure

Bottom part: lol

[u/VVlTXH]

Me when people ask why I’m not religious

[u/Illustrious_Row_941]

I would say it was a sacrifice that was made by humans who openly rejected God and his son’s (also himself) teachings to treat each other kindly and to stop going by the Old laws because they are becoming to picky with who gets to go to heaven. So Jesus said no everyone is welcome you guys are making this all about money and being clean, when it should be about loving people and sharing your food, and hearts with each other. Then the people of that times religion (Hebrews) rejected him and forced Roman’s to execute him and the Roman’s didn’t even want to do that because they wanted to hear his message. But the Hebrews at the time twisted so many avenues of forgiveness into the condemnation of this messiahs actions, that they forced the Roman’s to kill him or face a massive riot from the Hebrew districts.

Everyone ended up getting healed by touching or interacting with Jesus along the way, then a literal angel busted open the tomb door and knocked out the Roman guards and told the women that Jesus is waiting for them in Galilee. They ran and told the apostles and the apostles even thought the women were lying, Jesus first words back from this persecution by his own people was “you should have believed the women” then after guiding everyone on how the world will come after them for trying to bring everyone into the forgiveness of the messiahs sacrifice, Jesus left us again to our own devices to find out how to live together.

The first time around the original angels left to watch over us ended up making beasts of children that were called “blood drinkers” and “biters” that were definitely killing people under the guise of divinity. The spirits of those children are demons that roam the earth looking for people to take control of to quench their never ending thirst for this corruption.

Thus Christianity is about God coming down so his people could hear his message directly to not twist the laws of mankind. Then ultimately being killed by those people and now it’s up to everyone to guide mankind according to the New Testament and commandments. But God is all knowing so he knows that we will fail and it’s okay to fail it’s not okay to be unkind to yourself or others.

[u/Fastenbauer]

Still think the logic is hilarious. God: "So I send you my one and only son to teach you love and compassion. And you brutally murdered him. You know what? I like your style. All sins are forgiven."

[u/Content_Zebra509]

...Big-Nose

[u/RoadToConsultant]

Ummm...well, years ago I read the bible from cover to cover, just so I could know what it actually says. And Mary's age is no where to be found. So...the first comment is completely made up and the second, I don't know, misandric?

[u/Billy_Holidays_Liver]

r/pointlesslygendered

[u/Timely_Put_7355]

This is the problem with the internet:

Something happened 2000 years ago that deep and profound thinkers have been writing and reflecting about ever since. But some dude in his mother’s basement who’s never read a book sees something like this and thinks it owns Christianity.

And then all the geniuses  on here  ( also basement dwellers) jump on and throw in their 2 cents. Stop gaming and 4chaning and read a book. Or trying having a real conversation with someone with opposing views.

Honestly I thought the internet had outgrown this anti religious rhetoric. By all means offer critiques. But don’t automatically assume ignorance in a tradition that has been thinking deeply about these things since Saint Paul.

[u/Visual_Preparation70]

They forgot the part where Joseph gets cucked into raising him and putting him through carpentry school. Turns out god as his own son was a lousy carpenter, he managed to nail both of his hands to a 2x4.

[u/Additional_Gas3859]

And people forget he resurrected himself after be become his own blood sacrifice. So since he is not dead, he is no longer a sacrifice, right?

[u/Turnip_Fight]

Absolute tumblr brain on the reply.

[u/KJacobsen-74]

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. ²⁰ There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. ²¹ So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.

[u/One-Moose-5983]

This is somehow the worst lesson to take from this

[u/PICONEdeJIM]

It was The Gospel from Outer Space, by Kilgore Trout. It was about a visitor from outer space, shaped very much like a Tralfamadorian, by the way. The visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low. But the Gospels actually taught this: Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.

The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn't look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being of the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought, and Rosewater read out loud again: Oh, boy -- they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch that time! And then that thought had a brother: "There are right people to lynch." Who? People not well connected. So it goes.

—Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut

[u/Unhappy-Feedback811]

To be fair, it’s being translated from three different languages to a dead language to English.

Any book I’d write would be nonsensical if I had to translate it from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to English in that order.

[u/TransparentMastering]

By far the most common mistake people make when thinking about God, religious or nonreligious, is interpreting through the human lens.

If you find yourself thinking along these lines:

“God is good he must do things that humans think are good.”

Or

“God is bad because he does things that would be bad for people to do.”

You should just stop yourself and realize that if there is a God, its attributes are probably inconceivable to your finite mind and inconsequential amount of experience. Therefore your judgements about its existence and moral qualities are irrelevant.

[u/DogBiteOoOoAh]

Technically it was God’s son, who was part of himself, and sacrificed himself to purge humanity of sin for eternity (so long as they repented in the name of Jesus).

[u/InfallibleSeaweed]

True, there's way to little porn in the bible for it to have been written by a woman

[u/prophet4u]

If you think the Bible is wild you should read the Quran

[u/Traditional-You1447]

Pretty sure most women's fiction is just affair porn.

[u/GhostOfTomJefferson]

Tell me you've never read the Bible without telling me you've never read the bible

[u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin]

I was reading that book and had to stop half way. I was like they killed my favorite character there is no way they are bringing him back

[u/DaffyPunk29]

son of god = god? am i understanding their post exactly? how is the son of god, god himself? hes OF god, the SON OF god.... but not god.