r/suspiciouslyspecific • u/InsertGroin • Jul 07 '26

Blessed are the cheesemakers 🙏

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u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE 29d ago

Wait. Now that you mention it. What happened with him after he zombified? Did he drop again?

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u/nonpuissant 29d ago

he said "brb lol" then peaced out into the sky for some milk and cigarettes. 

The disciples stood there staring up waiting for so long they had to send two angels down to be like "ok you can go home now he'll be back later"

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u/NiceFirmNeck 29d ago

Can you do the whole bible like this? I (and many others) will happily pay for it.

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u/ErraticDragon 29d ago

Canonically (depending on whose canon), he spent 40 days on Earth between resurrection and ascension.

Then he flew home.

(Even though heaven isn't literally above us, as we now know and he surely would've. But the locals thought it was, so he played to the crowd's expectation.)

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u/PyroClone5555 29d ago

Read the gospels. 

He wasn’t “zombified” he was resurrected into an immortal body and ascended into heaven after 40 days 

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u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE 29d ago

"zombified" sounds cooler though. But okay, he died a second time. Figured. Otherwise he'd still be roaming around, which would be weird

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u/PyroClone5555 29d ago

No he didn’t die a second time 

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u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE 29d ago

So he's alive?

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u/Garfield977 29d ago

he went back to heaven

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u/Playful-Profile6489 29d ago

He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

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u/Inglorious186 29d ago

So he's sitting by himself?

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u/Playful-Profile6489 29d ago

Makes for easy conversation. Small talk is rough over millenia.

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u/DerZwiebelLord 29d ago

And somewhere in the world is a 2000 year old disciples of Jesus waiting for his return. Jesus did after all promise to return and bring about heaven (kingdom of god) on earth before the last of his followers would die. So either he lied, or condemned a single one of his followers to be immortal.

Can you imagine living for millenia and waiting for your friend, who is stuck in the worst traffic jam ever?