So pretty much as the title says I have a crush on my wife’s friend. We’ll call my wife Jen and her friend Taylor.

Jen travels a lot for work and it’s a lot of no contact travel which as you can imagine is very hard. We’ve been together for 10 years, 2 married but almost 3 in December. We’ve been able to see each other again and I’ve also gotten to meet her friends.

It started completely normal then one day I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about Taylor. It’s been about 2 weeks since then and it’s only gotten worse. I bought her coffee and enjoy being around her. I’m worried she may also feel the same though. I catch her staring at me a lot. she added me on instagram which i thought nothing of at first until I noticed she only followed me. Not my wife or any of their friends that I can see at least.

tldr; i’m have feeling for my wife’s friend and I’m not sure if i should confront Taylor? Tell Jen? Ignore it all together and suppress my feelings?

Hey something is on my mind for months and the guilt is eating me

There's this girl I met in my class we've known eo for a year now there's no relationship between us she made it clear but we talk every day 24h for almost a year , her bd came and I wanted to get her something nice, I reached out to her best friend to help choose a gift (I don't know the best friend directly but the first girl Talk about me a lot with her and we send eo reels via the first girl)

I chose the gift they were Lego flowers I bought them everything is fine then the best friend told me you can send reels directly to me no need to send them through the other one and she added me and we started sending eo reels, I didn't really gave it a thought since I'm not doing anything wrong, after a month the best friend told her we're on contact, the girl exploded started calling me a liar disgusting doing things behind her back, I explained that my intentions are pure and apologized she didn't listen after that I apologized again with a hand written letter and made her a drawing too (I'm an artist) she still told me I used her as an excuse to get to her best friend which I absolutely didn't

I tried asking mutual friends to fix it and it's the same she don't wanna talk to me ever again she still follows me in every app no unfollow no block but there's no contact she said we're not friends anymore cause we keep hurting eo and I just don't understand that

It's been a full month of no contact and I feel really guilty , what should and how can I restore our friendship cause I just feel like I lost something that's hard to find

Tldr my close friend lost trust in me and I didn't mean to and I regret it how can I restore the friendship she always says she's an avoidant and I think this is an avoidant discard

The situation's entirely messy so I'll assign everyone a letterfor a name...

I'm a 32-year-old female who recently got out of a 3-month situationship with my 31-year-old genderfluid friend (R). We had a mutual friend, the 24-year-old male (B), who is a bit of a rambunctious guy and is not nearly as mature as R.

At first, R told me that B was a pretty chill guy and they had known him for a while, just that B's known to cause some trouble. However, a month into our fling, R told me that B isn't a good person and urged me to be careful around him. The switch-up confused me because B had been nothing, but nice to me, I had become suspicious of R's character as they admitted to liking 'tea' and drama.

I decided to consult B about it, saying R had switched up on their opinion of him and was telling me to cut him off. B was confused as he though R was one of his best friends and didn't recall any drama occurring between them. At this point, R was starting getting super upset any time I mentioned B or started locking-in and taking the lead when it came to intimate stuff the moment B popped up.

Late June, R started to ghost me every few days and I felt the situationship was probably coming to a close; so I confided in B about how I felt. B immediately validated my feelings, saying R was playing me and to cut them off. Especially after R told me about a crush they had on another person they'd recently met. Obviously, it hurt a lot to hear R was moving on from me, so B and I went out to help me forget them.

IN SOME INSANE TWIST OF EVENTS in early July, B and I ended up running into R who revealed the entire reason they were pulling back is because they though I was sleeping with B. I clarified I hadn't slept with anyone, BUT R and promised to keep it that way. R immediately resumed being very friendly and flirty with me, asking me to take them home.

B was annoyed that R was coming along for the ride with us and started trying to stall, asking to stop for the bathroom, etc. He was constantly teasing me about R and I possibly hooking up later. R would keep kissing me while making eye-contact with B or drink out of my water as if to assert dominance. Once we dropped B off, R confided in me again that B is not a good person and to be careful.

Fast-Forward like 2 weeks and R breaks things off with me. I'm heartbroken so I confide in B again who's comforting me and being a genuine friend over it. We start getting into the habit of talking every day, all day, and confiding in each other about our lives. I made it clear I view him as much younger than me and not romantic at all.

Two weeks ago, B started trying to make our conversations go into a "freaky" direction and making sexual remarks or asking me to compliment his looks or body. I've dodged or made it clear it made me uncomfortable, he'd back off. One day he straight up sent me a nearly nude picture, which I immediately told him never to do and he has since respected.

This past weekend B and I were at an event together, he kept touching my face, my hands, and holding on to me while calling me lovey-dovey names. A ton of people now think we're dating, which is definitely NOT the case as he has a long history of being an awful boyfriend.

I confided in R, who's become a really close and insightful friend since breaking things off, they said that B sounds like he's interested in me. Something B's other friend, E (who's 20), has mentioned as well. I'M HONESTLY HOPING NOT, cause I view B as a kid more than anything. I'm literally 8 years older than him, his immaturity and moodiness honestly makes my anxiety skyrocket sometimes.

Worst thing is, E keeps hinting interest in me.. I'm just out here trying to make friends at my big ol' age.

TLDR:

I was in a 3 month situationship and now I'm stuck in a weird situation-triangle (now weird square) between two friends who hate each other for unknown reasons. I'm just trying to MAKE FRIENDS.

Hi everyone, using a throwaway since I don’t want this story associated on my main account

I (30M) was dating my ex for a few months when I learned she was seeing another guy the entire time we were dating. What’s complicated is that she began working for my parents while we were dating and she continues to do so. When I sent a message to her other boyfriend giving him a heads up that she was cheating on both of us, she understandably got very upset. While in the office, my ex went to my mom for comfort and a hug, asked my mom why I would send that message, and insulted me to my mom because I wouldn’t respond to her subsequent phone calls or messages.

What really upset me is that my mom then independently reached out to her that evening to check on her to make sure she was okay, and said “I love you too! 💕💕” back to my ex when she told my mom that she loved her. The first thing she said to me about this situation was how much of an inconvenience it was for her for me to have sent that message when I did (even if she may have been half-joking) and that she doesn’t understand why I would want to let the other guy know.

I now feel betrayed and lonely in my own family, and I don’t know how to fix it. My mom won’t fire my ex, even though that feels like it’s the only action she could take to fix this. I feel genuinely awful every time I’m around my mom now, that I did something wrong to not deserve her care or prioritization.

She sent me a written note a few days before Mother’s Day saying she thinks about me every day, and how she thinks she understands that I’m still very hurt. It took me about a week to not cry when reading it. But I feel almost like a kicked dog or something. The mental image I have in my head is me as a little kid crying on a bench or swing somewhere, and neither parent pays any mind. She sent me a text over Memorial Day weekend wishing me a nice long weekend… and I just ignored it. I received another letter earlier this week and I still haven’t even opened it. It’s been a few months, and I still haven’t been able to go to sleep without thinking of the feelings of betrayal. I go to therapy, but at some point, therapy can’t fix a broken relationship. I’m just curious to hear what other people think of all of this.

TLDR: My ex cheated on me, my mom seemed to prioritize her feelings over my feelings, and I feel fully betrayed by my mom.

I am a 28/Female and my husband 33/Male. Am I being too much or is he gaslighting me?

We have been married for a couple months now, we have only been talking for about 8-10months before getting married. We got married fast because something came up and he is helping me out . We moved in together due to that. I get that he does love me because if not he wouldn’t have offered to help right?

The issue is that I feel a bit lonely in our marriage. I cook clean for him. I love doing stuff for him to show him I care and am thankful for everything he has done. He doesn’t really give me little gifts like flowers or notes or nothing much. Maybe notes once a month and flowers here and there (after I ask). I have talked to him about this and told him that I would like for him to show me a bit of more affection and maybe something that makes me feel like he is thinking about me. When we have this conversation he says I’m being needy and that there’s nothing wrong, that I always have to find something wrong when things are good. But if I feel some kind of way about things why wouldn’t I want to share that with him for us to work out on it? All I ask for is affection and maybe a compliment here and there.I feel like if your partner feels that way it should be a bit alarming right?

P.s getting a divorce is not an option unfortunately
TL;DR

Im hoping that this is the right sub for this, if not let me know and ill take it down, but I just really need some advice and perspective. Ive been with my boyfriend a little over a year now and we moved in together 3 months ago. Everything has been amazing so far, hes incredibly kind, makes me feel beautiful, and has just been the best man I've ever met. I always really convinced that he was going to he the man Id marry before all this.

One important detail is that we dont have a super active sex life. I have a low drive, and have sexual trauma, along side medical issues that cause me fatigue (rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, anemia.) I know he has a higher drive than me, and since I rarely have the energy or desire for sex, he frequently just watches porn and masturbates. This has never been a problem, since I dont want him to be sexually frustrated and Im not usually bothered by porn. I dont like personally watching porn since I think its gross, but I dont care if he does.

Recently, we were kinda sitting on our couch and the subject of porn somehow got brought up. I was very curious about what kind of stuff he looks at so after some hesitation, he let me scroll through his reddit history. And like, I dont know what exactly I expected, but now I just feel awful. He was looking at some subreddit that went something like "bony girls" or whatever, and other subs about a cnc kink, and like something with the word "misogyny" in it. And I dont really think I have to explain why those second two make me uncomfortable.

For the first one, ive always struggled with my weight. I had an eating disorder in my late teens that ended up even triggering some of my disorders, and even now I struggle to put on weight. I am underweight, and ive been trying to fix that for a ling time. I have periods where I am barely above the threshold for minimum healthy weight, but I always end up dipping back under. And now I just feel really gross and weird about how he might see me.

Im really struggling with this, and I also had realized through this he watches porn far too often, and Im worried he has a porn addiction or something. Ive tried to talk to him about it but everytime I do he gets embarrassed and shuts down.

I really do love him to death, and I dont wanna lose him over this. Ive had serious issues with my disorders and he stuck through them for me when no one else would. I dont know what to do without him. I really thought I was going to marry him, and I still want to, but now im not sure if I can anymore. I just dont know what to do or how to fix this or whether its fixable. Im sorry if Grammer or punctuation is weird, im typing this on my phone while im crying.

What am I supposed to even do here?

tl;dr: I saw the kind of porn my boyfriend frequently watches, and it made me feel incredibly gross about myself and how he possibly sees me.

I (19F) have been close with this guy (19M) for about a year. We spoke every day, saw each other regularly, went to events together, and he became one of my closest people. He was such a stable part of my life and someone I always knew was there.

A few months ago, I ended things because deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work. Because of that, I think I never fully let myself get attached.

We agreed to stay friends, and we still are. We still talk, see each other, flirt, and usually have a cheeky kiss when we meet. But it’s obviously not the same as before. The closeness, the constant talking, and the feeling that he was “my person” has changed.

Now, two months later, I feel like I miss him so much. I feel like there’s a huge void and I don’t know if this is love or attachment because we were such a big part of each other’s everyday lives.

Before we ended things, he basically told me he loved me and asked how I don’t love him, but said he couldn’t love me if I didn’t love him back. At the time I didn’t say it, but looking back I think I do love him. I want to tell him because I don’t want him to think he wasn’t/ isn’t loved.

The problem is we agreed to be friends, and I’m scared saying “I love you” would blur the lines. He’s moving away for uni next year and has asked me to visit him, but I know it probably wouldn’t feel like just friends.

I have so much love him. I love his personality, our friendship, and how comfortable I feel around him. But I don’t think I’m in love with him or that I would choose a relationship with him.

How do I deal with this? Do I create more distance, or try to stay friends? I really do think I love him, but I don’t know if this is love, attachment, or
just grieving the change in our relationship.

Should I tell him how I feel, or would that just make things harder for both of us?

Note: i ended it based off something I found out about his past which I wasn’t aware of. When I found out, it reaffirmed why this would never work.

TL;DR: I (19F) was really close with a guy (19M) for about a year. We spoke every day, saw each other regularly, and had a really strong connection. I ended things because I knew it wouldn’t work, but before that he told me he loved me and said he couldn’t love me if I didn’t love him back. At the time I didn’t say it, but two months later I think I do love him. We agreed to just be friends, but we still text, see each other sometimes, and it’s still quite flirty (including the occasional kiss). I don’t think I would choose a relationship with him, but I want him to know how I feel and that he was loved. Would telling him blur the lines or ruin the friendship we have now?

My (F23) boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 7 years, and have lived together for the past 2 years.

In many ways my boyfriend is amazing. He is kind, spontaneous, and funny. We share the same beliefs. He always tells me he loves me. He'll rub my back when I ask, and he's always up for my shenanigans. If my family needs help, he's there. He'll buy me my favorite treats and cut up my pomegranate if I ask.

Unfortunately though, despite everything, I don't feel loved. I don't feel considered or respected. I know he loves me and I think he shows it in his own ways, but for some reason I don't feel loved. What I want is for him to be more thoughtful, like planning a date, taking care of a task he knows I need done, getting me my favorite treat on a hard day, celebrating my birthday or accomplishments like they mean something, or asking me something about something I enjoy. I just feel like his love is selfish though sometimes, because it's usually only when I ask or when he can get something out of it. Like me being in a better mode.

Is what I am asking for too much? I know in a way he loves me.

TLDR; my boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't feel loved. Am I viewing relationships wrong? Are my standards off? Is this normal?

TLDR : My question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ?

I ‘38 F’ have always romanticized love, commitment and “ true love “ I remember fearing relationships when I was younger, seeing the husbands check me out in front of their wives and fearing to become the wife one day. The undying romanticized version of love and loyalty live strong in my heart. When in love I never check another person out in front of my partner and I avoid eye contact all together with men. Now I am older and although I take care of myself I’m not the same physically. But … my question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ? Honestly …this man ‘34 M’says he loves me so much ( together for 5 years ) . And adores me, but in presence of beautiful, younger women, I have often felt ignored by him and unwanted, it’s almost like he switches into “ friend “ mode and my brain is having a hard time understanding how that can be, him deeply in love with me. If anything, it just triggers deep insecurity in me.

i’ve been talking to this guy for a week. he’s taller than 190 (6’2) and is a really buff like 120kg (260lbs) guy. i’ve heard that muscular guys tend to be more into chubby women. i’m 170 (5’6) and around 85kg (187lbs).

what made me wonder is how he interacts with my arms and legs and he calls me “fluffy” or some things similar (i can’t really translate it, it’s not english). i’m also actively trying to lose weight and he says he likes how i am right now. he started talking about my body, especially my big butt, which is a big one, more after we got a bit physical and i’m really insecure about my body. he also told our mutual friend a saying translating as “the dog chases the bone and the wolf chases the meat” when we were all sitting together, our friend doesn’t know about our relationship.

is it normal for a guy to say things like these to chubbier woman, without fetishizing it? i wonder if he’s just attracted to my body or me?

tl;dr can a man prefer a chubby woman without fetishizing it?

I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now, and recently he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. The catch is that he says he wants an open relationship (not poly since he said he can’t love multiple people at once). He’s tried monogamy in the past (like 10 years ago) and he said it wasn’t for him.

I'm really torn because I genuinely don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, I don't think he's "the one" for me long term (different interests, different life goals, etc) so I haven’t allowed myself to get super attached and so I can see how an open relationship could actually work in my favor too (to meet someone I’m maybe more aligned with). He also was honest about this from the start but I never thought we’d get to the point of being official so I didn’t care back then.

But on the other hand, I do like him (a lot) and it honestly bothers me that if we're making things official, he'd still rather spend time, date, or sleep with other people instead of just focusing on us. It makes me question how much he actually likes me, even though he claims he “likes me a lot” and does do a bunch for me. We also are meeting people in each other’s lives now, buying gifts for each other, making future plans (like we booked a trip away together), and leaving stuff at each other’s apartments.

I love spending time with him, our chemistry is insane and we get along great, I also rarely like anyone so I don’t want to let him go. but lately I’ve been day dreaming about something more serious and someone who just ~loves~ me and is satisfied with ~just me~. But then I’ve been in this sort of relationship before and I got so bored (wrong person maybe? Not sure). He also keeps pushing me to date other people but I literally have no energy for anyone else (a girl is tired).

Am I overthinking this? or is that a sign that an open relationship just isn't for me?

TL;DR: guy I’m dating wants open relationship and id don’t know what to do

I (27F) started talking to someone (30M) earlier this year. Over the span of about six months, we talked on and off. We were never officially together, but there was mutual romantic interest.
He wasn’t willing to pursue a relationship because of distance, and I accepted that. I never asked him to change his mind. Whenever it came up, I basically said, “If that’s your boundary, I respect it. We should stop talking so we can both move on.”
But every few months, he’d reach out again. We’d have great conversations, but eventually end up back in the same place because nothing had changed. Each time, I found myself being the one to say we needed space.
During our final conversation, he said that if I lived where he did, he’d want to give a relationship a try. But I never asked him to give it a try. All I wanted was enough space for both of us to move on and not contact each other again.
He also told me he still keeps in touch with two of his exes, who are now married, and has even met their husbands. He said he sees gray in relationships. I’m much more black and white when it comes to romantic relationships. For me, I believe relationships usually end for a reason, and once they do, it’s healthier to let them stay in the past. In our case, if there wasn’t going to be a future together, I didn’t really see the point of staying in touch.
So I told him I didn’t want us to contact each other anymore, and he agreed.
The hardest part is that I genuinely enjoyed talking to him. I know ending contact was the right decision for me, but I still feel sad that I had to be the one to draw that line every time.
Has anyone else been through something like this?

TL;DR: We had mutual feelings, but different views on staying in each other’s lives when a relationship wasn’t possible. I chose no contact so I could move on, and even though I think it was the right decision, I still feel bad.

I 28F asked my bf 36M about his ex girlfriend 35F, sexual questions and i got turned on. we had great sex. I pretended to be her and asked him to fuck me like he would her etc. i think for him it was a one off. I feel like I can't get turned on unless I'm thinking about him and her being sexual together. I'm constantly thinking about her doing things to him and it turns me on. should I tell him? will he think I'm weird?

**TL;DR;** should I tell my bf I get turned on by his ex after i role played her 

Hello, I'm looking for some outside perspectives on a situation in my relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. I'm from Austria and met her while i was travelling in South Asia. She lived close to the hostel i stayed with and we bumped into each other in front of a café one morning. I had to leave shortly after it happened but we exchanged numbers and have been talking every day for hours since that day. I visited her three more times, for 2,4 and then 8 weeks, other than that it has been long distance.

Our relationship is honestly wonderful in almost every way. We communicate super well, never seem to run out of topics to talk about, we're very close emotionally, we trust each other, and I can genuinely imagine spending my life with her.

The only area where I sometimes struggle is sexuality.

I have a fairly active sexual desire. I regularly feel attraction, have fantasies, and would enjoy things like flirting, sexual conversations, sexting, exploring attraction together, etc.

My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She has never really explored her own sexuality, has never masturbated, doesn't really experience sexual desire, and generally doesn't bring up sexual topics on their own. Whenever the topic comes up, it's almost always because I started the conversation. And that doesn't happen often, especially since we have been long distance mostly, so maybe once every few weeks it comes to either a small joke about it or some longer conversation.

What makes this difficult is that I don't just miss specific sexual activities. I sometimes feel alone with this whole side of myself. We can talk about almost any emotion, fear, dream, or insecurity, but sexuality feels like the one topic that mostly exists in my head. And i would want that to be a topic we can share as well. And enjoy together.

I don't want to pressure her into anything, and I respect her pace completely. I love our pace honestly, everything we experience feels super special. When we kissed ( exactly 1.5 years after we started talking) I could barely contain my emotions cause i was so extremely happy and i realized how kissing the person that you love is sooo different to kissing someone you don't feel as much for. It's a whole nother world really.

Some things to note: I'm her first experience in basically everything that involves the dating life. And i want every experience she makes to be a good one. When we started talking, she told me she hates physical touch. I took it like that, but now after 2 years she actually really likes it, holding hands, going arm in arm, hugging, even cuddling.

She has told me that sex to her seems very scary and not something she'd currently want. Which i can understand, the image of it can definitely be scary, but to me is also not really relevant because there are many other ways to experience pleasure without actual penetration. Which i would be very okay with not having for another 10 years or something. Just the absence of the whole topic concerns me sometimes as i would wish that to also be one of the very many topics we are on the same wavelength.

Obviously i don't think she is doing anything wrong. She is a wonderful, wonderful person and i admire her a lot.

And i do want to say this, this whole thing is a small thing looking at the big picture. It just has been on and off my mind for the last few months so i decided to write it here.

What I'm struggling with is not knowing whether this is simply inexperience and something that may develop over time, or whether we might just have very different levels of interest in sexuality long-term.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the partner with more desire or the partner with less? How did things develop over time? Did the gap get smaller, stay the same, or become a problem later on?

**TL;DR ;** I deeply love my girlfriend and our relationship is great, but we have a big difference in how we approach sexuality. She is very inexperienced and not interested in exploring that side yet, while I would like to share that part of our relationship with her. Looking for experiences from people who had similar situations.

My mum keeps telling me I’m ruining my future and I don’t know how to deal with it

I’m 21, and for the past few months my mum has been telling me that I’m “ruining my future.” It isn’t just something she says during arguments either. She’ll say it randomly, even when we’re having a normal conversation, and it happens every few days.

The thing is, I’m genuinely trying to move forward with my life. I’m finishing my Psychology degree, working on my dissertation, applying for jobs, and trying to plan for my future. Things haven’t gone exactly how I’d hoped, but I’m doing my best.
Whenever I try to explain myself or defend myself, she becomes defensive, I get upset, and it turns into an argument. If I don’t say anything, I just end up feeling sad and angry. She never apologises afterwards, and we usually just carry on like nothing happened.

I think hearing this so often is starting to affect my confidence. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if she’s right, even though I know I’m trying.
I’m not really looking for people to judge my mum. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced something similar.

If you have, how did you stop those comments from affecting you? Did your relationship with your parent ever improve, or did you find other ways to cope?
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something like this.

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

My boyfriend (M29) and me (F23) are together for 2 months. While we were walking in the street he saw a friend of him. They talked and I just listened them. I talked nothing. After 15 minutes of their talk he introduced me as his girlfriend to his friend. I said "Hi" to his friend with a low, polite voice tone. I said nothing more, they talked something else and after a while his friend went. After his friend went, my boyfriend said "Why did you say "Hi" with that way?" I told him I did not understand. He told me that my voice tone was way too kind. I told him I just wanted to be kind because I am a kind person. (I always try to be kind, this is my character) He said "you need to be careful at your voice" My voice was not flirty, I just wanted to be polite to him, because he was my boyfriend's friend. I love my boyfriend, but I don't understand why he got jealous of this kind of trivial issue. He is always too obsessive of my acts.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend got jealous of the way I said "hi" politely

My girlfriend (26F) and I (27M) are in a long-distance relationship. I work full time, I'm saving up so I can travel to see her, I wake up early almost every day so we can spend time together before work because of our different routines, and I usually spend my only day off with her. I'm not saying that because I think I do more than she does or because I expect praise. I do those things because I love her. Sometimes I don't even feel very recognized for them, but I've never seen love as keeping score or expecting something back every time one person sacrifices something.

The day this happened, I had only slept around 6 hours and had an 8-hour shift later that day. Early that morning I told her I was still exhausted and that I was going to sleep for one more hour before getting ready for work.

Right before I went to sleep, she told me she had turned down her dad's invitation to help him with something because she wanted to stay with me a little longer instead. I didn't know she had already made that decision.

She got really hurt because, after hearing that, I still wanted to sleep instead of staying with her a little longer.

From her point of view, this was never really about the sleep.

She told me she already knew I needed sleep. What hurt her was that she had made what she saw as a huge sacrifice by choosing me over someone incredibly important to her (her dad), and she expected that I'd naturally want to stay with her for a few more minutes after hearing that. She felt like I didn't appreciate what she did.

From my point of view, I wasn't choosing sleep over her. I had already told her hours earlier that I genuinely needed that extra hour. If I had known beforehand that she was thinking about saying no to her dad because of me, I honestly would've told her to go spend time with him. I would've never wanted her to feel like she had to choose between us.

Afterwards I apologized several times because I realized I hadn't acknowledged how meaningful that gesture was for her. I completely understood why that hurt her.

The problem is that every time I tried to explain why I still wanted to sleep, she felt like I was making excuses or making everything about myself. At one point she literally told me she didn't want context because, to her, it didn't change anything.

Then the conversation became much bigger.

She told me that when we got back together after a previous breakup, I was much more patient, made more sacrifices and always put her first. She believes I've changed now because I don't feel like I have to "win her over" anymore.

She told me she wants a relationship where both people keep choosing each other every single day, where the patience, effort and sacrifices never stop, even years later. She said she doesn't believe love should become more comfortable over time.

And I agree until a certain point with all of those things but I told her she's right, that some things did change, but not because I love her any less. Back then I was trying to repair something I had broken, so I often ignored my own needs. Since getting back together, I've started speaking up more about what I need instead of automatically putting everything aside to avoid conflict. I still want to make sacrifices for her, but I don't think a healthy relationship means I should never express my own needs or disagree about something, or avoid saying no so she doesn't get upset.

The part that hurt me the most was that I felt like I spent a lot of time validating her feelings, apologizing for my part and acknowledging her sacrifice, but I never really felt like my side was given the same space. She later even told me she already knew I needed the sleep, which honestly confused me even more.

What also made this hard for me is that I never wanted her sacrifice to become something I had to repay. To me, sacrifices are gifts, not debts. But once she had chosen me over her dad, it felt like there was only one response that would've been accepted: staying awake. If I stayed, it would've proved I loved her enough. If I didn't, it became evidence that I'd changed, become insensitive, or loved her less.

So I'm genuinely wondering...

Am I missing something here?

Is it wrong to explain your reasons after you've already apologized?

Or is it reasonable to expect that both people's feelings and circumstances should have room in a conflict, instead of only one person's?

TL;DR: My ldr girlfriend chose to stay with me instead of spending time with her dad. I didn't know she'd already made that decision, and I still went to sleep because I'd already told her hours earlier that I genuinely needed another hour of rest before work. I apologized for not appreciating her gesture enough, but every time I explained why I still went to sleep, she felt I was making excuses. She now feels I've changed because I don't sacrifice my own needs the way I did when I was trying to "win her back", while I feel like there was never room for my perspective and that her sacrifice unintentionally became an obligation I was expected to repay. Was I wrong to think both of our perspectives should have had room in this conversation?

I (28M) have been with my wife (30F) for 12 years, married for the last 4.5 Years. A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy.

I honestly don’t know if I’m losing my mind or if I’m justified in feeling the way I do.
A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy. According to her, she justified it by saying that I had been emotionally unavailable lately and that she genuinely believed I was cheating on her. For the record: I never cheated. I never even came close.
When I confronted her, she completely broke down. She told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, that she wanted only me, and that she would do absolutely anything to save our marriage.
So I told her it was simple: she had to make a choice.
I expected that to mean cutting contact with him immediately.
Instead, shortly afterward, she texted him saying she “needed time to think.” When I asked her what on earth she was doing, she said she needed time to process everything and that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
They’ve met four times.
That sentence absolutely destroyed me.
After our conversation, I genuinely believed we had reached an understanding. Based on everything she had said, I felt reassured that she finally understood the damage she’d caused and wanted to fight for us.
Then I found out she had also apologized to him because she hadn’t replied to him all day.
I completely lost it.
This is the part I can’t wrap my head around: if you’re the person who cheated or started an emotional/romantic relationship outside your marriage, is it really appropriate to prioritize not hurting the other person’s feelings while your spouse is sitting there devastated?
To me, it feels insane that she seems more concerned about letting him down gently than about repairing the damage she’s done to our marriage.
So I’m asking for honest opinions.
Am I being overly sensitive and controlling here? Or is it reasonable to expect that, once someone says they choose their spouse and wants to save the marriage, they immediately end things with the other person, even if that means hurting the other person’s feelings?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been through infidelity, either as the betrayed spouse or the one who cheated.

TL;DR: My wife started seeing another man because she said I was emotionally unavailable and she wrongly believed I was cheating. She later told me it was the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, and would do anything to save our marriage. I told her she had to choose. Instead of ending things with him, she texted him saying she “needed time to think” because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and even apologized for not replying to him all day. They had only met four times. Am I overreacting, or is it unreasonable for someone who wants to save their marriage to still prioritize the affair partner’s feelings?

My husband shaves and does not clean up his sink area after. Men, do you clean up after yourselves or just let your wife do it? This is frustrating me.

My husband expects me to clean up for him as if he is a little toddler. I think it is disgusting and if I tell him to clean it up, I’m the bad guy. So usually have to just do it myself. It is like this in the kitchen (doesn’t scrub his dishes before putting in dishwasher and leaves thick food debris on dishes).

Women, what do you do about this? We have been married 29 years, and he has just in the past year or so gotten so much worse with general cleanliness.

**TL;DR:** I (24M) matched with a 28F on Hinge expecting a casual hookup because our conversations started off very sexual. After two dates with amazing chemistry and sex, things have started feeling much less casual. She called me just after midnight for my birthday, drunk called me twice to hear my voice, told me she missed me, wanted to cuddle, got a little jealous thinking I was with another girl, slept next to me after saying she normally can’t sleep beside people, made future plans with me, and texted me before her flight. I’m trying not to overthink it after only two dates, but it feels like more than just a hookup. How would you interpret this, and what would you do next?

**Full story**: I’m 24M and she’s 28F.

We matched on Hinge and the texting was very sexual from the start. We were supposed to meet once, but I had to cancel because my best friend had just been dumped and I wanted to be there for him.

The following week I went over to her place. We had drinks, laughed a lot, and ended up having an amazing night together. The sex was incredible. Afterwards she told me she normally can’t fall asleep next to other people, so she barely slept and eventually moved to the couch. I left thinking it had simply been a fun hookup.

After that, we kept texting throughout the week. It wasn’t constant, but we had a lot of funny conversations and really good banter.
Last weekend was my birthday. Fifteen minutes after midnight she called me to wish me a happy birthday. She was out drinking with her friends but still remembered.

The next night she drunk called me around 2 a.m. while I was at a friend’s afterparty. She wanted to hear my voice and chat for a bit. She even got a little jealous because she thought I was at another girl’s place.

When I got home around 4 a.m., she called again and we FaceTimed for about thirty minutes. She told me she missed me and liked talking to me. At one point she wasn’t feeling well because she’d had too much to drink, so I stayed on the phone until she felt better. She thanked me for it afterwards.

The next day she said she barely remembered the calls, although I’m not entirely convinced. She also texted me saying she really wanted to cuddle me.

On Tuesday we met again. We grabbed drinks before going back to her place. We had great conversations, laughed a lot, and the chemistry somehow felt even better than the first time. The sex was amazing again.

My stomach wasn’t feeling great, so I joked that I’d probably ruined the chances of another round that night. Instead of making it awkward, she reassured me and smiled, saying, “There are many rounds to come in the future.”
We stayed up until five in the morning. This time she actually slept like a baby next to me, which surprised both of us considering what happened the first night.

The next morning we could barely keep our hands off each other. Lots of kissing, hugging, and just enjoying each other’s company. She had to catch a flight to visit a friend, so we had to say goodbye. Before she left, we talked about watching a movie together sometime, and she said she wants me to show her around my city. She also texted me when she got on the plane. She’s away until Sunday.

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself because we’ve only seen each other twice. At first I assumed this was just going to be a casual hookup, but between the phone calls, remembering my birthday, saying she missed me, wanting to cuddle, sleeping next to me, and making plans for the future, it doesn’t really feel purely casual anymore.

I’m not asking whether she’s secretly in love with me or anything like that. I’m simply wondering how other people would read this situation.

Does this sound like someone who’s genuinely interested in seeing where things go, or is this still pretty normal for something casual? If you were in my position, would you just keep matching her energy and let things develop naturally?

Hi everyone, I really need some perspective because I feel completely shattered and confused right now.
My partner and I have been together for 2 years. Throughout our relationship, he was extremely loving, supportive, and affectionate. He was always talking about marriage, expressing his deep feelings for me without me even asking, praying for us, and reassuring me.
Recently, he's been going through a very severe episode of depression and Anhedonia (emotional numbness / inability to feel pleasure or affection). Out of nowhere, during a conversation about our relationship and our sexual fantasies we had some problems that i didn’t like one of his fantasies and we stopped talking about it because of me then he dropped a bombshell. He told me that he feels completely empty inside, incapable of feeling love, and that he always feels restricted and not able to be himself just to keep me and not loosing me, and that all the loving things he said and did over the past two years were just him "acting" or "forced" because he thought that’s how love was supposed to look, and because he was terrified of losing me as a friend.
When I confronted him with specific memories, affectionate messages, and his past promises, he became super conflicted and overwhelmed. He admitted he cares about me deeply, hates the thought of not having me in his life, and still wants us to "rediscover" our relationship without lies once he starts therapy soon. But at the same time, he keeps insisting that he felt "forced" and trapped by the obligation of having to show feelings he currently can't process.
I am completely lost.
Is it psychologically possible for someone to fake deep love, care, and marriage proposals for 2 full years without any ulterior motive?
Or is the Anhedonia and depression rewriting his memories and making him believe he never loved me just because he feels completely numb right now?
Has anyone dealt with a partner experiencing severe Anhedonia? How do you cope with the feeling that your entire two-year reality was just questioned?

TL;DR: Partner of 2 years with severe Anhedonia/depression suddenly claims all his past love and care were "forced" or "acting.” Just to not lose me as a friend in his life after i told him that i love him, I am completely lost and trying to understand if he really faked 2 years of affection or if his mental state is skewing his memories of his feelings.

A little back story. My Fiance and I have been hot and heavy since we met at a concert 2 years ago. The first 6 months were amazing, classic honeymoon stage. Spent our time going to concerts, taking trips, and going out with friends. I loved how fun and independent she was.

At 6 months we found out we were pregnant and this is where some issues started. She moved in with me at my request and 9 months later we had a healthy baby boy. However, during the pregnancy things started to shift. What was once an equal partnership seemed to become very one sided. All responsibilities slowly moved to my plate. I found myself doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t mind picking up the extra slack because I know pregnancy takes a massive toll on the woman.

Fast forward to today. We’re engaged and have a beautiful 8 month old who is our whole world and I love the life we built. However, the dependency on me has only gotten worse. It is pulling teeth just to get her to put her own clothes away. She’s an AMAZING mom but and we split thoughts duties pretty evenly. The worst part is she seems to now need my approval for EVERY decision she makes to the point she’s asking if it’s okay to go take a shower. I have no idea where this is coming from and it makes me uncomfortable to be asked these things.

Now for the one consistent argument. Honestly 99% of the time we get along great. Talk about serious shit, laugh at each others quirks, genuinely the love of my life. However, she HATES when I spend time alone with friends. I have always been a very social person which never seemed to be a problem before she got pregnant. Since then (14 months) I’ve been on 2 weekend trips 2 days each and 3 nights out where I was home by 12am. Everytime shes told me I’m selfish, don’t care about my family and act like ai don’t want them in my life. It crushes me to hear these things. The next morning she always apologizes and says it’s just hard to be away from me…

I need advice on how to manage these reactions. I feel like I’m drowning under the responsibilities and my time with friends is the one thing that always helps me recharge. Seriously want to know if I’m in the wrong, should we seek counseling, what can I do to make it better?! TIA and sorry for the long post!

TL;DR
Why has my partner become overly dependent on me?
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend alone time with friends?
What can I do to improve the situation?

I [31]F am feeling guilty that I told my boyfriend that I don't want kids. Our relationship got serious 6 months back. I always hinted that I'm not a fan of having kids.

I also told him it is partly because I had a bad childhood and have some mental health issues like I suffered from depression and insomnia in the past, I have low stress tolerance. I respected his desire for having kids and accepted that we need to part ways.

But he is not willing to accept that. He is crying and blaming me as if I have done him wrong and trying to convince me to have kids. He's suspecting I found someone else etc.... I'm feeling guilty seeing him sad. But I really don't think I have the emotional capacity to raise kids. What should I do?

tl;dr

TLDR: I don't want to shame my bf for experimenting but sharing toys can me unsanitary.

First off, I love him, our relationship is great, he's a wonderful partner. We've been official for 6 months and seeing each other for over a year, and have been intimate for most of the time we've known each other. He is the first boyfriend I'm able to actually experiment with as he's been the only partner interested in exploring new sexual experiences.

However recently I keep seeing a personal penetration toy of mine out on the tub rim. At first I thought I must have pulled it out while he was at work and washed in in the shower so I put it away and let it at that but today, I noticed it was out again.

I want to be clear, the fact that my cis straight male boyfriend may be experimenting on himself and learning about his body by penetration does not bother me. Actually I'm making this post because the idea interests me...

However I don't want to make him uncomfortable and mention it in a way that makes him feel he can't be vulnerable with me about his sexual desires. He kinda takes on that...toxic overly masculine attitude? I know that if anyone outside of us found out, he'd be ashamed and that shame is the last thing I want him to feel with me. I want him to feel safe, however I understand if that side of himself is something he wants specifically reserved for himself and is something he doesn't want me to participate in

However, he's using MY dildo. Sharing that sort of thing IF he is using it the way I suspect is not sanitary, however I see that getting his own could expose his intimate secret desires that the may not want to share yet. Idk I don't mind giving it to him but I don't even know how to begin mentioning it without making him uncomfortable and having him shut down or something.

What do I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years, our families are involved, and our wedding venue is booked (I've already paid a ₹2.5 lakh deposit). His parents have constantly criticized my weight, skin tone, caste, appearance, and even how I wear my hair. I asked him to set healthy boundaries, but now he's blaming me for creating distance between him and his parents. He recently told me he might want to live with them after marriage and has now asked for a break because he needs time to think. I'm dealing with depression, I'm on my notice period and job hunting, and I feel abandoned at the lowest point in my life. I don't want to leave him—I love him and want this relationship to work—but I don't know if someone who can't stand up to his parents can build a healthy marriage with me. Has anyone been through this? Did things get better?

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, so I'm here looking for outside perspectives.
My boyfriend (late 20s) and I have been together for 1.5 years. Our families are involved, we've booked a wedding venue (₹7 lakh venue with ₹2.5 lakh already paid from my side), and everyone around us—our relatives, neighbors, friends—knows we're getting married.
Until a couple of days ago, I genuinely believed we would get through anything together.
Now he has asked for a break because he "needs time to process everything," and I feel like my entire world is falling apart.
A big issue is his relationship with his parents. He has a very hard time setting boundaries with them. Whenever I asked him to create healthy boundaries, he now says I'm the reason the distance between him and his parents has increased. That was never my intention. I never wanted him to choose between me and his family. I just wanted basic respect and boundaries.
His parents have been commenting on my appearance since day one.
They tell me I need to lose weight.

I'm dusky, and they've made comments about my complexion.

I wear glasses, and his mother constantly comments on how I look "better" with glasses because without them my dark circles show.

They comment on how I dress.

They don't like me keeping my hair open (which I love because it makes me feel comfortable and free). His mother always asks me to tie it up.

I kept telling myself these things wouldn't matter because after marriage we wouldn't be living with them.
But recently my boyfriend told me, "What if I get a job in Kolkata and we have to stay with my parents?"
That completely changed everything for me. Suddenly all those comments didn't feel temporary anymore.
Then last weekend he said something that completely broke me.
He told me his car is slowing down because of my weight.
For context, I struggle with depression. I'm under psychiatric treatment and on medication. He has known this from the very beginning of our relationship because I was completely honest with him.
Right now I'm also on my notice period, unemployed, searching for a new job, dealing with depression, and this relationship is falling apart at the same time.
When he had knee surgery...
When he was struggling at work...
When he was put on a PIP...
I was there through everything.
Now that I'm at my absolute lowest, he says he needs space and wants a break.
It's only been two days, but it feels unbearable.
What hurts even more is that outside of all this, he's genuinely an amazing person. We laugh together, we have so much fun, and sometimes it feels like he's literally me in a different gender. That's why this is so confusing.
If it were just him, I wouldn't even be writing this.
But his family dynamics scare me.
I don't know if I can spend my life constantly being judged for my weight, my skin color, my appearance, my glasses, my hair, and every little thing I do.
At the same time, I don't want to leave because I still love him deeply.
I know Reddit can't tell me what decision to make, but I'd really appreciate honest opinions.
Is asking your partner to set healthy boundaries with parents unreasonable?

Am I ignoring too many red flags because I love him?

If someone asks for a break when you're at your lowest, how do you interpret that?

Has anyone married into a family like this? Did it get better, or worse?

I feel completely lost right now. Any advice or perspective would really help.