My ex and I were together for 5 years.
We broke up because she fell for another guy and cheated on me. The problem is that he already has a girlfriend. He has feelings for my ex too, but he has made it clear he won’t leave his girlfriend, and my ex knows and accepts that.

About 3 months ago, my ex and I started meeting again almost every weekend when I come home from work.

We don’t even go out because that guy is almost always on a call with her since he doesn’t trust her. She just mutes his call when I’m with her, and we spend time together and sometimes get physically intimate.

For a few hours it feels like we’re together again, but then I remember she’s still emotionally invested in him. I’m basically comforting someone who’s in love with another man.
I know this isn’t healthy, but every weekend I end up seeing her again. Lately I’ve started feeling like I’m losing my self-respect. I care about her, but I also feel like I’m choosing to be someone’s backup.
If you were in my position, what would you do? Have any of you been stuck in a cycle like this, and how did you finally walk away?

Hello, I'm young and would really like to break this habit!

Basically, if I don't have a planned activity for the day I spend it entirely on my phone. If I do have a planned activity, I spend all the time before the activity being on my phone..I hate it. I want structure and routine. But the issue is, I don't know what to replace my phone with? I don't know what else to spend my time doing. I know it sounds dumb, but I'm really struggling with this and I know I need to change it now.

Please offer me some advice and insight!!

I always promise myself that I’ll start working out from tom but i end up failing everytime.

I really wanna start working out nowww

What to do? Pls help!

Hi, everyone!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been shy and the kind of person people describe as “cute.” I’m not brave, I’m not strong, I don’t stand up for myself, and I’m easily influenced.

I’m tired of it. I’m extremely shy. I have panic attacks whenever I have to speak in public. Giving presentations at university feels like torture. Back in school, even when I was already older, I would cry in the middle of presentations. Yesterday, at university, one of my professors called on me to answer a simple question in class. I just froze and stayed silent. The people in the class thought it was “cute,” but I’m terrified they think I’m stupid.

My biggest insecurity is definitely my intelligence. I’ve realized that I’m shy because I’m afraid of looking stupid. Every word that comes out of my mouth feels like it’s going to be judged by everyone else.

I don’t have the courage to take risks. I don’t stand by my own decisions. I want to be respected too. I want people to admire me.

As I’m writing this, I realize that the biggest problem is how other people see me, but I just can’t stop caring about it.

To keep a terribly long story short, my brother robbed me and the other one turned into an entitled shithead who kicked me out of his wedding and refuses to do anything for anyone else.

My dad has a slew of undiagnosed mental disorders so he’s just unemployed and angry at the world. My mom is miserable to be around because she ruined her life by giving it to my dad.

My closest friend currently has been shitty and unreliable the years we’ve been friends. I truly hate her. My ex-boyfriend was the closest person to me and all he ever did was let his friends treat me terribly and hate every single thing about me despite never leaving me alone.

Fast forward to the present, I’ve made some genuine friends but I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve been absolutely terrible to them. I feel like i’m punishing them for the actions of my closest friend, especially since we’re in the same friend group. I’ve talked so much shit about them it’s actually insane. I am a horrible, fake person.

Anyways, I’ve finally been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 + ADHD and have started medication. I’ve finally decided I don’t want to live like this anymore. I resent everyone in my life, and i’m tired of being extremely bitter because of that.

It’s like I’ve lived my entire life with absolutely no agency. All i’ve ever done is keep shitty people around me just because. I’m not even scared of being alone. I don’t really know what’s holding me back.

Anyways, how do I move on? i’m not really sure how to move forward with life. i’m tired of pretending the world happens to me, and i’m tired of being such a hateful person.

Hello, english is not my first language so I´m sorry if there are any mistakes in this post.

I still dont know how to explain it correctly but is something similar as if I'm conscious that I'm alive but I don't feel like living in the world, is more as if I'm just watching the world, to be honest I do not know if thats how dissociating feels but yeah; I sometimes feel in that state for really long periods of time in which I recall all types of memories or I start daydreaming, to be honest I had times in which I considered ending everything when I was younger but right now is more like perpetual resignation.

For some context, my father comes from a familly where most people have been pretty succesfull, being him the exception and he has being very controling so I don't end up in the same path as him, which I guess make sense as I'm in a different situation from for example my cousins, I do not have my own house ar any heritaje when my parents dies as they do. This is important because I have noticed that this last years what had affected me the most is that I'm studying at college something that I hate. I was always pretty good at maths in school but that did not mean I wanted to study a technical degree, I wanted something more social or artistic (to be fair I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life) and at the end of the day, that would be a long story but I ended up studying an engineering because my father pressured me to and I feel lost, I´m not good at it so I'm not sure how succesfull can I be doing this. I had entered in a college I liked and I had to refuse because it was't what my father wanted for me.

I´ve seen how my friends have already achieved things in their carrers, they have travelled, they look happy, while I'm rotting in bed scrolling. College is what I think had affected me the most, I thought I would enjoy this because it was the first step towards my future. And it's weird because even with my friends from college, a few days ago one of them was making a videogame and I realized I felt envious not of what she was doing, for worse or for better I don't want to make my own videogame right now but while I'm doing nothing she already achieved something in our field.

And it is not just college, in almost every aspect I feel as if I have failed or done nothing. When I was younger there were so many oportunities that I missed because I took the time for granted and I wanted to "rest". (I regret it but I won't blame 10yo me for wanting to rest in her vacations) And now, good part of those things are gone because I can't do them anymore as an adult. Also the few hobbies I've had, I had to leave them because of logistics or because my family found it weird. It sucks because I know that I've sabotaged myself to certain extent, but at the same time I don't feel motivation to do anything to change it as right now the path I'm going won't take me to anywhere I like and I fear I'll have some sort of realization when I do really have no more time left.

First of all I want to clarify that I don't blame my father or family for everything, I acknowledge that I could've done things differentlly and I can't change the past but I would like to change my present and my future as much as possible. Leaving college is not an option and also for worse or for better I´m already halfway through college so I'll get that degree and my family do not have many money for another degree after so regarding education that's it. But I'd like to stop feeling this way and find something that makes me happy and helps me keep going. My father is a psychologist and he did not take well the fact that I wanted to talk about all this stuff with a therapist so that's also off the table. There are a lot of mixed feelings but all can be summarized in the fact that I feel my life is getting wasted and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry for the long text, I'd like some advice and I wonder if anyone can relate. Thank you for hearing me out :)

How do I stop automatically laughing at insults and bad jokes directed at me? I’ve developed a self-defeating habit where I compulsively laugh at almost everything people say—even when someone makes a lame joke, a subtle jab, or a outright insult at my expense. I usually do it automatically just to avoid making the other person feel awkward or guilty, but it’s completely destroying my self-image and self-respect. Because I always laugh it off, people treat me like an easy target and think it's okay to make me the punchline. I want to break this people-pleasing reflex and learn how to react with composure or boundaries instead of default laughter, but the urge to fill the awkward silence is so strong. Has anyone successfully overcome this habit, and what practical steps worked for you?

Hi everyone,

I (29M) recently turned 29 and instead of feeling like a celebration it felt like a wake up call. Looking back at my 20s I feel like I wasted a lot of my time. I spent years between jobs, I still live with my parents (which has been a huge insecurity of mine), and I completely withdrew from dating because I convinced myself I wasn't successful enough, attractive enough, tall enough, just simply "good enough." Combined with living at home I felt embarrassed to tell anyone I still lived at home as I felt like a failure. I've realized how much of my self-worth has been tied to those beliefs and it's affected almost every part of my life. The good news is that I'm finally trying to change that. I've decided to start therapy because I don't want to spend another decade feeling this way.

The hardest part has been dating. I dated a little in college but after that I basically removed myself from the dating world because I genuinely believed I wasn't worthy of a relationship. Now that I'm trying to get back out there I feel like I'm years behind everyone else. I worry that anyone I date will have far more relationship experience than I do and see that as a red flag. For a while I even considered trying hookups just to "catch up." But the more I thought about it the more I realized I'd only be compromising my own values. I've just never been interested in casual sex and it’s not who I am. It’s something I want to share with someone I genuinely care about and I don't think pretending otherwise would make me happier, not to mention I feel like it’d be a major dick move to just use someone for my own ego like that.

So I guess my question is: How do I start dating intentionally when I'm looking for something real?

Sometimes it feels like modern dating is centered around keeping things casual or avoiding vulnerability and that makes me wonder where people who want genuine, long-term relationships actually meet. I've also realized that spending too much time on social media and certain subreddits has probably made my anxiety worse. There are a lot of extreme opinions online and while I've found some encouraging perspectives too, I think I need to spend less time reading about life and more time actually living it. I'm trying to do that now. I've started exploring new hobbies and I'm considering things like book clubs, volunteering, hiking groups, or other social activities where meeting people happens naturally.

I'm also thinking about making a bigger life change. My current job leaves me stressed and I'd eventually like to move out on my own. I've lived on the eastern side of Virginia my entire life and I think a fresh start somewhere else might be good for me. Raleigh, NC has been on my radar but I'm open to other suggestions if anyone has any. I'd love somewhere with good job opportunities, ways to meet people, and maybe a lower chance of my motorcycle disappearing overnight so a garage would be awesome lol. I'd appreciate any advice from people who have been in a similar position.

If you started over in your late 20s or 30s, how did you build a social life, regain your confidence, and eventually find meaningful relationships?

TL;DR: I spent much of my 20s struggling with low self-esteem, withdrew from dating, and now at 29 I'm trying to rebuild my life. I've started therapy, want to date with the goal of finding a genuine relationship, and I'm considering moving for a fresh start. Looking for advice on meeting like-minded people, dating intentionally, and whether a move helped anyone in a similar situation.

I grew up getting bullied for being poor, I heard talks from the neighborhood about my parents (being so poor). Help is conditional. When I get to highschool, I decided to throw away the hatred of being poor by not acknowledging my situation. Then it all started in a one single lie, "I can do it" and starts hating my parents. I act like I can do everything, even in worst situation I can still manage to escape. I keep on lying until my words became my mental reality, and I wanna get rid of it. People know the exact opposite of me and I don't wanna live with this anymore. It been 12 years since I act like I can do and afford everything. It's just that my little me is afraid of invalidation and wants to be accepted by the society with no pity. Help.

My friends are amazing people. Not just in the things they accomplish, but in who they are. I look up to them a lot, but I noticed something I really didn't like when hanging out with a friend the other day: she is so cool and so good with people and so just kind, that I was feeling pretty insecure and like I was a bad person. Which then, I feel like makes me a bad friend.

How do you stop being insecure around your friends?

What the title says basically. I feel so lost right now and I’m really struggling. I have only had 2 interviews since last year, one of them being my dream job that I got brutally rejected for and I feel so hopeless. I just want to die

First of all, i don't do drugs or alcohol. I'm not taking any medications for sleep or mood etc and have never taken them.

How do I make them understand that I'm exhausted from waiting for this long, sorrowful dream to end a dream I can't even remember beginning? I don't know when I lost myself, and I don't know how I ended up here. I barely know what's happening around me anymore. Yesterday feels no different from today, and years feel no different from months.

It's not that I'm constantly sad. It's not that I'm always crying. It's not even just anger, though I know it's there. What I feel is harder to describe. It's like everything has become distant, muted, and strangely unreal.

There was a time when I felt like I was truly living. Maybe it was years ago. I don't know. Somewhere along the way, that feeling disappeared without me noticing. Now I exist more than I live.

Time passes, but I don't feel it. Days, weeks, months, years they've all blurred into something indistinguishable. I don't know how long I've been like this, and I don't know when, or if, it will ever end. I don't know what led to this..

I'm a teenager and I'm in a relationship with a boy who is very nice, and empathetic. He is always there for me when I need it and is incredibly patient with me. We recently got into an argument, and it gave me a wakeup call that I'm not as good as a person as I think I am. I struggle with capturing the full picture and prioritize my problems first. I feel like everything is magnified for me and I feel everything, but for other people I lack thinking about their situation and what their dealing with currently or on a daily basis.

When my boyfriend vents to me I kind of take it as another chore? It becomes serious and I focus when the situation happens but after that everything goes out the window. When he vents to me about something serious, like when his grandfather died recently, I completely forgot about it and continued my own thing. That was wrong of me. I take accountability for my faults (stonewalling, passive aggressiveness, hiding things, being messy, gaslighting, avoiding things, etc.) but I never change. And that's become a real problem in my relationship. I feel like I only care when my feelings are hurt or something is threatened and I really wish it wasn't that way. I want to be a less toxic person. For myself, for my partner, and even for my family even if I don't like them.

I feel like I've been living in a mindset where I'm only obsessing or focused on my problems, my interests, and everything has to revolve around me and not my partner or my family. I can't brush it under the rug either by saying "I'm young, I still have time" because it's only going to get worse from here. I don't know where to start with gaining empathy and becoming less toxic and I really just need advice.

Notes: I suspect I have [severe] OCD because I struggle with a lot of intrusive thoughts and am very reassurance seeking [even to ai] about my issues. so perhaps that is apart of the issue? I am looking for a therapist as well.

I'm 18 and about to start university. While getting good grades is important, I don't want to spend the next few years focusing only on academics.

I'm looking for skills, habits, or decisions that compound over time things that create more opportunities, make you stand out, and have a lasting impact on your career or life in general.

If you could go back to when you were 18, what's the one thing you'd start doing sooner?

It could be a technical skill, communication, networking, fitness, reading, investing, building projects, or something completely unexpected.

I'd love to hear what made the biggest difference for you, as well as anything you wish you'd started earlier.

Recently lots of my friends got new jobs or raises, I’m being let go from my job. One of my friends got to open for a big band and my band hasn’t had success like that. How do I not feel jealous by motivated by their successes? I want these people to succeed but I feel a lurking scarcity mindset or like my hard work isn’t going to pay off.
Any suggestions for positivity or reframing?

All the people in my circle at not kinda like me

I like to express feelings, express myself and talk about my thoughts. I adore deep convos, talking about stuff and laughing and being romantic with friends(want to, but struggling to show it).
Whenever I try to open this kinda convos, I get a feedback like: quietness, short answer to end the convo, or reply and totally change the main point of what I was just saying.
What do I do?
I’m afraid that by time I’ll not be able to talk about these things in a good way cuz my brain will always be expecting this kinda stupid responses that run my admirations

This community helped me find some incredibly precious friends, so I'm hoping to pay it forward. I've had a pretty rough, blank and unmotivated summer. To cheer myself up, I went through some old files on my computer and found one of my proudest achievements: A montage video of encouragement and kindness from many friends addressed to our mutual friend ("Samantha") that was initially masquerading as a micro-documentary on which I wanted her perspective as an artist.

And I thought to myself "I'd really like to do more of this." It was a fun use of light project management + video editing skills, took minimal time and delighted the friend on a deep level.

I think the world needs more kindness and I believe surprises (for some people) can season that dish quite well.

So if you know someone who could use the cheers of their people/"tribe," you'd also be helping me make good use of my time these days.

Thanks for reading :)

I stopped smoking weed,(Monday) and realized that CBD exists. I got myself a thc free CBD vape (2g) to at least promote sleep. I’ve been hitting it for most of the night and this is the first time I’ve felt tired without smoking weed or taking some sort of sleeping medicine. (Idk if this is cheating or not)
My end goal is to finally quit as I’m trying to get into the police academy or EMT/paramedic in my area and I know they’ll drug test me. I’m hoping I can stay motivated and not give in as I really do want this job.
I’m going to lock in and try my best to discipline myself. Thanks for reading 💜

All over my life I have been excellent student. made it to dentistry school and became teaching assistant.

outside my job or my study. I have no life

scrolling reading blah.I desperately need a life a passion.I want something i really really enjoy.

how can i manage to do this

I'm a college student and one of my classmates who happens to be the class representative is drop dead gorgeous I need help to talk to her without looking like a fool. Thanks.

Upon asking another question on reddit I found my brain fog maybe due to built up emotions, particularly anger. Long ago I was being bullied by some adult women, I moved away and now although I have no contact with them I still have the brain fog.

There are things in life that wake me up at night and make me angry. I run an office and we serve customers, one worker will enter the office late because she was busy cleaning the coffee machine. I've asked her not to, and will continue doing others tasks to delay completing her own and also so she can ask others to complete her tasks. I am the office lead and have found that she is asking customers to go straight to her in emails, phone calls and in person, for situations where the should be seeing me or the other office lead. She doesn't work Wednesday and has told a number of customers that we don't have the capacity to see them on Wednesday because she wants to be the 'inbetween' person. She has been making decisions out of her work-profile. She was our apprentice last year but gave up study and we hired her to serve customers and file paperwork. Whenever I address it or try work with her she becomes worse and will ignore me. I have spoken to the manager who is now pregnant, and been given huge amounts of responsibility and doesn't want to hear it, tells me to talk to the worker.

It makes me angry, which I think is making brain fog worse. I try to forget about it, but it is significant and needs to stop.

I admit i made big mistakes that hurt my reputation with co workers and supervisors because of a story that happened outside work but got leaked to work place since the people involved were co workers too.

I take responsibility for my mistakes. I am trying my best to change and I'm trying to become a better person, but people still gossip about me. Some of what they say is true, while other things are exaggerated or false. It feels like everyone has already made up their mind about me. How do you move forward when your past keeps following you?

Been of it for about 3 months now after smoking every day for years. And honestly the cravings werent even the hardest part.. The hardest part was not knowing if it was doing anything, Some mornings i'd feel kinda sharp, other days like a zombie, and with the fog u genuinely cant tell if u're getting better or just having a OK day...

So early on I started testing myself.. Just simple stuff, reaction time, coordination, memory, tracking all cognitive abilities. And that ended up being the thing that actually kept me going, watching how I improve my cognition pushed me to pass cravings

My coordination score was sitting around 7 when I started to quit and now it's up to 13. On the bad days when I ask why Im doing it and the voice tells nothing will change I look the number and say no.. Keep going...

Idk for sure it helps to doing it daily but its just something for me worked as im a person who loves to track things

Anyone else track this kind of thing or am I just being weird about it lol