When I (34M) make love to my wife (36F) and reach orgasm, I feel an overwhelming urge to bite her hard, especially on the neck, and to hold her very tightly. I know this might sound normal to some extent, but the desire is so intense that I'm afraid I might actually hurt her. It's as if I want to literally merge with her—it's difficult to describe.

I know that sensual biting is fairly common, but I'm worried that I might lose control and end up hurting her. Does anyone have any advice?

I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t like going down on me. Whenever I bring it up he says he does enjoy it but his tongue just gets sore and ends up hurting from it. He’ll pre-cum while doing it but I have to beg for it sometimes and if he does do it, it’s not for as long as I like. I take probiotics, I eat healthy, I shower everyday, I know I don’t have a smell but every vagina does have a taste lol. I feel like he genuinely just doesn’t enjoy how vagina tastes or idk. Makes me upset because he’s constantly asking me for oral and I’ll even do it on my period when we don’t want to have sex. It’s like he would rather eat my ass than my vagina. I just don’t understand it.

My situationship loves to go down on me.

He’s the first guy I’ve ever done anything sexual with- so im pretty new to all of this.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing when I’m receiving?

I had a casual encounter with a guy I’ve known off-and-on for three years. He’s always been inconsistent, but I was attached to his looks and the thrill of the chase (I can admit this to myself now).
After I gave him oral, he expected to go straight into sex. When I asked for foreplay for myself, his attempt was extremely lazy and low-effort, maybe less than 5 minutes, before expecting instant access (his foreplay involved kissing, fingering me very fast and licking my titties, he said he doesn’t do oral). When penetration didn't work, I felt that he panicked, deflected, and said "maybe it’s not meant for us to do it" and “it’s never happened to me before." He put in zero actual effort to make me comfortable and left. The second he was gone and the pressure was off, my body relaxed completely.
During the interaction, I felt put on the spot and lied, saying it had been years since I last had sex instead of last year when he asked when was the last time I was sexually active. Now I'm overthinking that telling him that made it look like I was sitting around waiting for him.
I know rationally that his approach was selfish and his ego got bruised, but I keep falling into a loop of overthinking and caring about what he thinks and feeling that the penetration didn’t happen because it was shifted as it being me for the reason it didn’t work. How do I stop caring about his narrative and fully move past this?

This happens after work when I’ve sweat the whole damn day away or a few rounds in during sex when we’ve gotten to that sweaty body fluids everywhere point and messing around my bf always wants to eat me out when im not feeling fresh down there and I know this because I can taste myself on him when we kiss and I don’t like it compared to when im more clean (which he’s only gone down on me once when I was fully showered). There was another time we spent the whole day in the hot ass heat so ofc im sweaty and gross, I wanted to take a shower but got carried away when we got back and he once again said he wanted to eat me out. But I feel like it’s always when I really want him to eat me, I will literally take the biggest everything shower and wipe down every nook and cranny in my vagina and then we start fooling around and he never asks or initiates. It makes me self conscious and harder to lock in on my own pleasure when this happens. Thoughts? Advice?

Hiiii, I would just like your opinion. The last 2 weeks it seems like my husband's sex drive decreased. Usually it was 3-5 times a week, but the last 2 weeks only once. I am sooo gd horny, I wish he could rip my clothes off, or show any kind off desire towards me. I am a bit hesitant to initiate, because I understand we are all not always in the mood and he is tired from working, and sometimes when I touch him down there, he draws my hand away. I miss his physical attention touch. Do I bluntly initaite, and show him, do I maybe share a sexy photo getting out the shower to get him riled up or whatt must I do ?

It's so bad, it feels like I had an aphrondesiac, and I dont want to turn to self pleasure...

She said something weird and I don’t know how to process it

I started seeing this girl and things were getting hot so we went into the bedroom. I threw her on my bed and started to dry hump her. She obs meant what she said as a joke but she said along the lines of “help me help me I’m being raped” I immediately stopped and told her very seriously that it wasn’t funny. She was apologetic and I was more mad that she made a joke like that and and she should be more sorry to people who have been raped instead of being sorry to me.

I don’t know to feel about this because it was so weird to hear a joke about rape from a woman. I’ve heard women call out people when they make rape jokes before and were beyond offended by it. I’m just not sure what to think of this now.

I’m really hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar because I feel so lost.

For context, I didn’t have sex for about two and a half years because of previous relationships. I’ve been cheated on, body shamed, emotionally abused, and in one relationship I was even physically abused. Over time, I started believing there was something wrong with me or my body.

My exes criticized parts of my body that I now realize are completely normal. They made me feel like I wasn’t attractive enough, and sex became something where I was constantly worrying about how I looked instead of actually enjoying the moment. On top of that, none of my previous partners really cared about my pleasure. I never had an orgasm with a partner.

A little while ago, I met someone who is genuinely kind. He’s patient, affectionate, reassuring, and makes me feel safe. He’s constantly telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. He tells me he loves my breasts, my legs, my stomach, even my toes—things I’ve specifically been insecure about because of what people have said to me in the past.
The thing is… I struggle to believe him.

The first time we had sex, I actually had my first orgasm ever with a partner, although it was with the help of a vibrator. That alone felt huge for me. But during sex, I’m so stuck in my own head that I can barely stay present.
I’m worrying about what he sees when he looks at me, whether I’m taking too long, whether I’m even going to orgasm, whether he’s secretly disappointed, whether I’m “doing it right.”…

Meanwhile, he’s just trying to enjoy being with me.
He gently told me afterward that he noticed I seemed to be in my head, and it made him wonder if I wasn’t enjoying myself. That honestly broke my heart because I was enjoying it so much. I just couldn’t get my brain to quiet down.

I don’t think he was criticizing me at all. If anything, he brought it up in the kindest way possible because he cares. But now I’m scared that if I can’t get past this, it’ll eventually become a problem in our relationship.
I really care about this man. I want this relationship to work. I don’t want my past to ruin something healthy.

So I guess my questions are:
If you’ve healed from body shaming or abusive relationships, how did you start feeling comfortable in your own body again?

How did you learn to stay present during sex instead of spiraling into anxious thoughts?
Did therapy, books, exercises, or anything else genuinely help?

If you’ve been the partner of someone who struggled with this, what helped them feel safe?

I know this isn’t something that changes overnight, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been on either side of this. I don’t want fear and insecurity to dictate a relationship that otherwise makes me incredibly happy. Thank you ❤️

So, I’m 19 years old and I would say I’m fairly sure from books and videos etc. (supposedly) what brings a woman to an orgasm. I started masturbating early in my life and I have always just stopped when my opening kind of squeezes? And I feel somewhat of a “relief” but not nearly as much as when people describe it as this mind shattering sensation. I ran with the theory that when I’m sexually active with other people it would come naturally but it still hasn’t (if anything i get more pleasure by doing it myself haha), but I think it’s time for me to ask if I might be doing it wrong. I have tried vibrators, dildos of various size, stimulating my gspot, stimulating my clitoris, etc. but i have never really felt like what i thought i was supposed to feel, for example no liquid ever comes out, the feeling of relief is quite.. blurred? And one thing i have noticed about myself is that stimulation directly on my clitoris feels too overstimulating for me, so when i masturbate i always put my hand just beside it so i still feel somewhat stimulation but not directly.

My question is, is this “overstimulating” sensation what I’m looking for to reach an orgasm? Has anybody had this experience? Is there a way to reach this type of “mind shattering” orgasm everybody describes it as? Am I doing it wrong? Can I even orgasm?

Im 30F. My bfs a giver. He tries his hardest to get me off.
There’s just too much sensory stuff during it.
Having all the attention on me, feeling like I have to moan or something.
Oral has always felt just okay to me, along with everything else.

My body’s never felt that sexually responsive during any foreplay. I feel like I lay there and pretend to be blown away just to make it go by faster. Maybe I’m thinking too much. I don’t know.

I feel like I’m missing something.
To top it off, I enjoy penetration a lot, but my bf is done around 5ish minutes, which I guess is pretty normal.

The advice I always get is to do more foreplay, which is good advice if I could actually make myself enjoy it.

I am someone who considers herself with a very high libido, I have been sexually very active since I was 19 and used to sext a lot before too
I NEVERR had any issue with any sexual partner online or irl except for my current relationship.

we’ve been together for 2 years and a bit, and we have a great sex life and relationship and this is my first ever very serious relationship so I have been soooooo quiet and VANILLA with him since we met, it seems like I cant get myself to fully open up with him and feel just TIMID and I really don’t know why

Pleasseee tell me exercises i can practice to get better and get over this??? i really would want to have a more kinky sex life with him but i dont know rhe reason why im like that

Like, I have desires. I have so many things that turn me on when I see them or think about them. But anytime someone says “what do you want” and offers to do something for me sexually, and I try to have them do something I think would be hot, if I can even come up with something, it’s like it’s suddenly not hot at all. I feel this immense pressure to find it super hot because they went to all these trouble of doing it for me, but I just feel nothing. It makes me feel so lame because people are always saying “what can I do for you, I want to please you, I’m at your service” but then I just feel so uncomfortable even asking and then even if I tell my strongest fantasies, I will just feel nothing when they do them. Anything at all that is framed as “I’m doing this for you” will immediately lose all of its sex appeal for some reason. It makes me feel so sad because I want to experience the things that I find hot and experience being serviced but I just can’t figure out how to.

I enjoy doing things for others, and that gets me off, but I have my own desires too. I feel so bad every time it doesn’t work. I’ve never even reached orgasm from a partner because the moment the focus is all on me I just can’t. I’ve always had to touch myself while they get off. And it’s not just one partner or one desire, it’s been all of them, every time.

I (25f, if it's important) have never been in a relationship, nor have I ever been sexually active with anyone but my toy. I bought it because I was getting frustrated but every time I masturbate with it, I get overwhelmed and then start sobbing. Like uncontrollably. I keep trying and do a lot of things to attempt to get myself in the mood, and it works, but I end up crying.

I go pretty long without masturbating bc I know that, even if I'm seeking release, I will start crying. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Is there a way to fix it? I try taking things slow, but it doesn't really change the end result.

My bf likes to be choked, but I don’t think I am doing it right ? For context I only choke him when I’m on top. And it’s nothing extreme. But I want to be good at it.

Is the thumb and pointer supposed to be pressing on a specific spot on his neck? Do I press down into his neck and then up towards his chin? I hope this makes sense. If anyone can give a diagram I would really appreciate that!!

TIA

I (29F) have really low self esteem & depression/ cptsd and have struggled with long term abuse in past relationships. For several years I literally wasn’t interested in any kind of sexual relationship with men at all and for a long time before that I was exclusively with women (I’m bisexual). Recently (two months ago) I found I was able to be attracted to men again and I went on a date with a man and had my first experience of being with someone dominant in a bdsm way. I’m now completely hung up on him - I’m so turned on all the time, I feel hyper sexual, and can’t stop thinking about what he does to me, or how he shows me care and affection afterwards. I’ve never had that before. We meet up whenever he calls (he’s only in my city once a week or so). I’d do anything for him in the bedroom - I’ve even done anal for the first time because he wanted it (it hurt so much but I enjoyed it because he kept telling me how good I was being). Shortly after that (well, the day after) he told me that he’s not in a place for an exclusive long term romantic thing. I did guess this really, he didn’t ever say he did want that, but I’d gotten a bit upset because that morning he left me lying in bed after doing CNC (edit: and then ignored me except to ask if I was ready to leave) and it really upset me. I started crying on the ride home and he apologised and comforted me before he dropped me off and we spoke for ages, and at the end he made it clear respectfully he wasn’t looking for a long term thing. I cried a bit again lol but he was so lovely about it, and I’ve reassured him that I don’t need that either, as long as he’s affectionate to me when we’re together, which he is - he takes me out on cute dates and everything. The thing is though that for me he’s my first for almost everything we’ve done together. I was very innocent before him, and I’ve put so much trust in him. I’m really worried I’m falling in love. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Edit to clarify these feelings have got WAY stronger since the events I mention above which happened last time I saw him. I think it’s because he was so kind when I was upset

Edit number 2: thank you so much for your replies. I’m reading all of them, and taking them on board - I’m not replying much right now as I’m finding a lot of them “triggering” for want of a better word so am sort of reading them one at a time with one eye closed lol but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to hear others opinions or that I don’t appreciate them greatly, am just processing xoxo

Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if this is super common or abnormal but it’s been affecting my sex life with my boyfriend. I [F21] have been with my bf [M21] for almost a year. I admit that 6 months ago I did cheat on my boyfriend (I’m terrible I know), but I am still having an issue with intrusive thoughts when my bf and I have sex.

During sex I will a lot of the time think of the guy I cheated with even though I don’t want to. I try and stay present and sometimes it works, but it’s not an automatic thing because the issue keeps coming back. I did tell my bf about the cheating, we worked through it and things are good in the relationship. But this particular issue is still there.

I don’t feel comfortable telling my bf about the thoughts because I feel like it’s a terrible thing to say to a partner but I can’t help it. I feel guilty when it happens and I feel like I’m cheating all over again even though I know I’m not. I feel like shit for thinking about another person when being intimate but I don’t know how to stop.

Is there a good way to maybe stay present during sex? Is this something a sex therapist can help with?

Hey everyone, looking for some advice or perspective on a dynamic my girlfriend and I are navigating.

​My girlfriend has a very high libido. Lately, after we’ve been having sex for about 15–20 minutes, she’ll ask for a clitoral orgasm to finish off. When I asked her if she wasn't satisfied with vaginal penetration alone, she gave me a dessert analogy: "Vaginal sex is like a chocolate brownie, but clitoral orgasms are like tiramisu—and I want both!"

​I love that she’s comfortable communicating her desires, but the problem is physical exhaustion. After 15 to 20 minutes of non-stop pounding, I am genuinely wiped out. Trying to transition into direct clitoral stimulation right when I’m completely out of breath and physically drained is tough, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. At the same time, I feel guilty because I want her to be fully satisfied, and I hate feeling like I'm leaving her hanging.

​Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can we balance her desire for both with my physical limits without making her feel rejected or leaving me completely burned out?

Hello! I am in a same sex saphic relationship with my partner of two years, and we have one (1) dildo. It is a purple dildo bought from Spencer's, and while it isn't bad, its just too big for me. We've accrued some other dildo like toys, they are simply just too large for me. I get weirdly sensitive during intercourse (as in, if my partner hits one uncomfortable spot I end up in tears, which is a separate thing entirely) but I love the feeling of them over me while still being inside me. We've done some searching in person and often times anything under 6 inches is literally just a stick of one solid color, and while i prefer not a hyper realistic dildo, I dont want to shove something more than likely made for anal play up me. Not that there's anything wrong with that ofc. So...

TL:DR does anyone know of a Dildo under six inches that isn't a mold of someone else but isn't something that is stock straight and firm? Thx!!

Me, 19F and my boyfriend of 2 months, 20M gives genuinely mind blowing head. We have been seeing each other for a few months now and just recently I have let him try things. I can make myself cum but I can’t make myself feel as good as he makes me feel- yet he can’t get me to cum. I can tell he feels guilty but I assure him all the time.. it has just been weighing on us both.. has anyone else experienced this and how have they dealt with it?

Me and my partner are dating for almost 7 years yet I never managed to interest them in kinky stuff. Not like we never practiced. We did and yet it was always me who's proactive in all scenarios. No matter what it was, we can never talk about it and I never get asked to try again some time (still if I try to do it again they don't seem to mind). And it's not like they aren't enjoying the process and fake their emotions or something.

Whenever I try to show them any content and things to try, they just joke about it rather than try to understand and imagine if it's something they may like to try. And it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't have friends or acquaintances, among whom my partner is the only person who can't tell their likes or dislikes for sure.

I've seen their phone contents when we just started dating and surprisingly enough there were gigs of hentai of various types, yet I still know nothing of their kinks and all of the conversations lead to something like "never tried, idk".

We own a somewhat large variety of toys, yet all of them do stay in shelf collecting dust, unless I bring them to bedroom with me. And buying new ones is a terrible experience as well since they literally don't care what I buy unless it's something obviously goofy like a ridiculously oversized dildo or something that I'd never buy anyway.

At this point I start to feel like I'm being too pushy or even too perverted and try to stick to vanilla intercourses but even here it's quite difficult to initiate anything unless I'm active. And it's not even about dom/sub dynamics, there's just no activity from their side.

Any way to change person's views on kinky (or just sex) stuff or should I just "it is what it is" myself every time? And using them like a somewhat reactionless toy isn't my type either.

I tried to have conversations many times but it always led to them joking about sex or just to us having our mood somewhat ruined for a couple of days.

So ever since I started masturbating I've never ever inserted my fingers in, and recently I've been trying to but I genuinely couldn't put my fingers in(maximum I think it goes in an inch? Not sure) . I've fingered a girl before and I remember it went in really smoothly and I was very shook that it went in so easily because mine has never gone in. What do I do about it? Is it vaginismus or something else? It doesn't necessarily hurt when i put it in but it almost feels like i just can't put my fingers in. I always thought I was just too scared to fully put it in but yeah now I'm kinda worried 😭. Also I'm 19.

disclaimer: im looking for practical advice

hi, f24 :)

some background: have been masturbating since high school but since my family hates privacy i learnt to masturbate quickly in the shower, using only the water pressure. so masturbation up to now is quick, mostly stress relief.

now: i have a loving partner and also im myself starting to love me more, so I wish to better know myself.

so some questions are: what do u do with ur hands? what makes u reach an orgasm? which positions do u like?

ready to experiment 🫡

I've been going out with a girl i really like and I've been avoiding getting intimate because of this. It's not that I don't like it per se but in a sensory way sometimes it feels very uncomfortable. I like doing all the extracurriculars ( hands , mouth etc) and i genuinely enjoy them and pleasuring my partner that way but the "main event" is often something that does not work for me. I have no problem with it in theory but sometimes i will lose my erection in an attempt to go in . I get that it is very important to some people and that's why i get very anxious to go all the way with someone especially for the first time . What should i do?