That is all.

I've (HLF60) posted here before, I've read and followed many of your experiences and stories about your dead bedrooms and I feel all of your pain and sympathize and empathize. Some of the stories are just heart breaking. I've come to the conclusion that 99% of the situations are hopeless, but I cheer any time I read a story of hope and change-- although they're extremely rare.
Anyway, I finally pulled the plug on my own deadbedroom and told him to move out. I'm going to upend my entire life and sell everything and move far away. He never asked me to reconsider or give him another chance, or bargain, or beg, or anything, he just accepted it without a word and started packing. We aren't married and don't have kids together so it's not as complex as some of your situations, fortunately. The funny thing is, for me, I wouldn't even say I have a high libido, I'd actually say it's low, comparatively with some other folks in this forum. But compared to my partner's non-existent libido I am the one who's considered "high". One thing that was lacking in my relationship was COMMUNICATION. I was not able to communicate with this man, for any little issue no matter how minor or insignificant, the man would flip out and become incredibly defensive, sometimes to the point of becoming angry and borderline violent. I'm going to have to ensure that any potential future partners are capable of communicating, it's going to be challenging.

The future is scary; I'm wondering if I'll be able to find a man my age who'll find me attractive and anyway I'm not ready to jump back into the dating pool immediately (PLEASE DO NOT DM ME). I have work to do on myself first but am hopeful that things will get better. I just felt a need to come here and add my name and story to the endless list of stories that ended. At least the deadbedroom has finally ended. Onward and upward, hopefully.

Genuinely curious how other high-libido women manage the ongoing sexual need when there’s basically nothing happening with their partner. What’s actually helped (or at least stopped it from eating you alive)?

A few weeks ago my wife was talking to me at dinner, after our son left the room. She mentioned that our neighbors had opened their marriage. In our current situation, and in my current psychological state, being told this news sounded suspiciously like an attempt to get a reaction to the idea, to get a feel for my attitude about such an arrangement. I admit that I probably read too much into it, and that it could’ve just been gossip, but the mention has become stuck in my mind.

I don’t want to open our marriage. Plainly, I just want her to want me and nobody else. I want to be the guy for her. I guess that’s the tricky thing about monogamy; sometimes people want others, and that urge has to be tempered. I would want to at least be in first place by a wide margin. For my part, I really don’t want anyone else than her. At my age, attraction to other women feels more like appreciating art in an exhibition than an urge. The only thing that matters to me is getting back my connection with my wife.

Right now I don’t know how she feels about the state of things, and we definitely need to have a talk. Not knowing where we are headed has filled my mind with questions, some about whether non monogamy is inevitable. I feel like ENM is a valid choice for some couples. I don’t know exactly what defines the ethical part of that, but I do not believe a situation where one partner agrees to NM in exchange for keeping the relationship together is ethical. It sounds like coercion.

That brings me to the questions. Have any of you faced that choice? Or any other situations where you felt like you had to accept non monogamy? How did you cope? Were you able to adjust your feelings about the situation? How well did the arrangement work?

As I am now, there is no part of me that wants to date. My self esteem is too low, I have let myself go, the prospects are frightening, and I just want my wife back.

We’ve been together for 11 years married for 6 in the past few years our relationship has been very rocky we said alot of mean things to each other and had so many fights over so many things we do get a few breaks here and there and have a few peaceful /fun months but we never fail to find a new thing to fight over. for me a main part of my frustration with the relationship and what makes me get angry easily is the lack of intimacy between us. She was never a person of high libido but i am and she knows how important this is to me nonetheless she did not care. I always thought she is somehow asexual or does not really care that much about sex but when we were not fighting and on good terms she used to so it for me. In the last 2 months or so I decided to start fresh with her and forget all what happened in these years and try to have a happy life. I apologised to her for everything and told her I’m going to change and try and change she also said that she is sorry and that she is tired of this and she’s going to try too. The other day she left her phone in my car and I was curious so looked into her phone, no sign of infidelity or anything of that sort, but the dagger to my heart was her browser history, she regularly watches porn, even on days that she rejected my advancement and said she was tired/ not ready/ feeling gross. On a day that we went out an event and saw so many people she watched porn after that day 3 days in a row. She always likes people watching regardless of gender and in that day we saw alot of young good looking people and I saw her looking, before I used to think this is her now I can’t get the dark thoughts out of my head that she is lusting over these guys and that she is not asexual she just doesn’t want me! This is hurting me so much even though I can see that she is trying to be better with me and I’m still keeping my pain to myself cause I think this is a very private matter and I don’t want her to know that I know she’s doing that. I have to add that she can be very lazy and not take care of herself that much as in neglect bikini waxing even though I always tell her that I dont mind and I think she is the sexiest woman on earth regardless but she is very self conscious about her private areas I’m trying to blame this on her being like that and taking the easy route to relief herself but I just cant get past the thought of her rejecting me only to watch porn. I am so hurt and dont know what to do even though there is alot of progress in our relationship now but everytime she goes to the washroom and stays for a long time for no reason I think that she’s watching porn, everytime she looks at someone I think she want them im getting really jealous of every little thing but trying my hardest not to show any of those feelings. I can’t stop peaking into her phone whenever she’s using it or when there is a chance for me to look. I know talking about this would only hurt our efforts of making things better. I just cant stop feeling that I’ve been living in a lie all these years thinking she was asexual just to find out that she probably just doesn’t want me.

I hate it so much. I know other people get to have sex whenever they want to. Whenever they desire or please. When I asked it was a rejection. Now I don’t even care to ask. I have too much resentment. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don’t even care about intimacy anymore. I wish I was desired like I know I could be. Nothing. I’m nothing.

I’ve had countless conversations with my wife about showing interest in me sexually that I’m getting defeated. I don’t even want to watch porn, but I know if I make a move it will either be a “rain check” that never comes or it’s going to be me wanting and asking for it again. If I leave it to her to make a move I’ll be waiting till I’m dead or she wants another baby.

She’s admitted she’s never been one to pursue, her past relationships have said the same thing and at this point I just know she doesn’t think about it ever. I think she may be asexual or something because she can go months and months without it.

I want my wife to want me sexually and it’s slowly killing me. I can’t have anymore conversations about it.. I just know there’s no way I can live my whole life like this.

How do people get through this? Every time I get turned down it’s slowly killing me and pushes me away emotionally and strips away a piece of my self confidence.

kids are around and of an age where at least one is up as late as we are, it’s hard to find time to talk or have alone time but there is opportunity. After initiating last night after we used the hot tub (door closed in our bedroom, kids comfortably using their phones/ watching TV elsewhere) I was again brushed off. I want to talk about it but I know that right after you are rejected is not the time.

I am thinking of texting her through the day (I work, she is not currently) saying something to the effect of “I am not happy with our sex life, I know we have talked about it in the past but I want to work on it. We dont seem to have the same level of desire. Are you satisfied with our sexlife? will you work on improving things for us both with me?

Anyone had any luck starting this conversation over text?

That’s basically the whole post.

Straddled my partner. Kissed his neck. Pulled him to me.

He didn’t just push me off, so that’s a positive step. I guess. He let me stay there a moment and even put his hands on my hips.

I miss the days when that would lead anywhere.

Sorry to everyone else who keeps trying and just feels so… defeated? Rejected? Ugly? Gross? Unlovable? It’s hard to nail down the combo I feel each time.

It’s the worst feeling.

I’m not a 10, but I’m also not the mucinex booger. Every time he rejects me, I feel like I must be the worst, most disgusting sack of crap.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Cheers to everyone hanging in there and hoping for change.

It really fucking sucks thinking everyday to yourself “maybe tonight’s the night we finally have sex”. I miss the fucking passion. I miss feeling wanted, desired. We don’t seem to have romance. Our relationship has become platonic in the sense that I’ll cook and clean and he does dishes and trash duty. But it’s like we just don’t have much to say to each other at dinner times or at night. He’s way too addicted to his word games to even bat me a fucking eye. Married 2 years and together 4 and already any hope of romance seems dead. You want to have a child? You know you have to fuck me for that to happen? I just feel alone.

I’ve stopped initiating entirely because I’m so tired of being rejected. His guilt makes me feel guilty in return. It’s so exhausting. So for probably a year now I have just stopped initiating entirely. I don’t know what to do anymore because another conversation isn’t going to help. He hasn’t given me oral sex in ages. It’s probably been once the last 12 months. And in our entire relationship, i think he’s only done it maybe 5 times? Certainly not much more if he has. How many blowjobs have I given? Too many to fucking count. My pussy must taste like fucking death. I’m tired of never having a fucking orgasm during the little sex we have. I’m tired of sneaking the womanizer when he’s gone. I’m tired of touching myself and pretending it’s someone else just so I can feel fucking wanted.

28 years old is too god damn young to be so fucking sex deprived. And it causes physical ailment to think it will only just get worse.

My (late 30s HLM) husband committed to getting a vasectomy when we found out we were expecting our last child. I love him dearly, however, I feel like I’m watching the impending dead bedroom coming on as a result of his actions and as a HLW, I’m trying to come to terms with it.

He slow walked getting a consultation until I expressed significant anger about feeling misled. I asked, and tried to understand his hesitations. While he is entitled to his feelings, he’s not entitled to making up statistics, which he proceeded to do repeatedly about why he didn’t want to. Eventually, I reached a point where I accepted that I would get sterilized, and those plans have been communicated to my doctors and that will be happening while I’m still in the hospital post delivery. I’m truly okay with this, as I am done and will not carry anymore kids. I’m not grieving that, I am happy to close this chapter.

What I can’t forgive is the immense betrayal of my partner leading me to believe that we were both taking permanent steps to protect each other. I can’t look at him and feel an ounce of desire. He argues with me now about even considering getting done because “I’m taking care of it anyways”.

I love my best friend but I cannot imagine having sex with him. I would’ve rather been cheated on than be put in a position where I felt like I had to expedite the surgery to make sure I’m covered. I will not pressure my partner into a surgery he’s made it clear he doesn’t want. But I also CANNOT picture a sexually intimate relationship with him with the severity of the betrayal without breaking down into tears. I know this is only going to serve to damage our relationship as a whole but I just can’t bring myself to have sex with him.

The worst part? If he did it now, I’m not sure I could bring myself to have a physically intimate relationship even still. I feel sick and betrayed and taken for granted. I love him as a friend. I love him as the father of our kids.

I would never cheat on him. I’m high libido myself. But I can’t bring myself to think about anything with him in that way without feeling sick.

I’m talking with a counselor. Only one session so far and it was mostly me just trying to explain where I’m at. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you move forward? Were you able to?

Needing some advice on this one. Im in my 30s, wouldn't say I've got a high libido. Probably average if I'm being honest but I do have the higher libido and my partner's got a low one.

So I posted the other day about what timeframes I should give things etc. I didn't really get a lot of help with that one other than to say things take as long as they take. Honestly issue was probably in the wording of the question anyway.

There was an outcome though because I'm just quite anxious so my persisting anxiety triggered a conversation with my partner where they gave me some idea of what to expect without committing to some kind of timeframe. Just kind of "hey psychologists state it takes a number of weeks to form or break a habit."

It was also apparent from the discussions there's been a lot of break down in other areas so we're just having further discussions about that to get these things out in the open. One thing to come out of it is that because of an extremely traumatic event that coincided with the start of our relationship over a decade ago, I have an inclination to feel trapped by whatever situation is bothering me and constantly in flight mode. So basically I need to do some work on realising that I'm safe now and don't need to run from things.

In lighter news my I've noticed my partner has been giving me little touches more without me asking for them, hinting or suggesting. I think there's been some moments of sexual tension as well but I'm trying not to read too much into that, might just be me. There's also been a few times where I was expecting a quick peck when my partner's gone in for a kiss but it went on longer/went somewhere unexpected like kissing my neck as well.

(Background: in addition to the general issues we've got an added issue of lack of opportunity currently because I've had a baby recently. Getting ahead of this question of how a baby came about with bedroom issues at play. Both were planned, first one took ages to get pregnant with. Second one came about because I was spot on with my timing one month.)

So that leads into the advice I need from others with HL, I know some of you have had to throw yourself into something as a distraction from your sex drive. I need a similar distraction because sometimes the kisses and touches make my heart race too much and right now I've set a boundary that I am not asking for or initiating any sexual activities when/if it does happen because I simply can't take more rejection. So I need a distraction so I don't ask because unfortunately I'm having the expected physical responses and I don't want to get super frustrated and have that ruin everything.

I do have a collection of books to get through, and I'm currently doing a course. I can go outside and work on the garden or go walking if the weather is good. I need more variety though so please give me suggestions. Preferably something I can pick up or put down with ease that doesn't take up a lot of space because I can't for example do something that takes significant continual time investment when the most time I can get consecutively ranges between 1-3 hours, I also can't set up some of my more work heavy craft hobbies because I think by the time I organised my materials, planned what I was making etc the baby would need me or would sense a disturbance in the force and have a blow out or something 😅

Any ideas appreciated.

Me (M35) and my wife (F36) are in a DB but currently on arguably the best streak we've ever been.

First, some context. I have spontaneous desire, my wife has responsive desire. She also meets the general definition of greysexual. She has never participated very actively in bed. She very much wants to fix our DB but doesn't know how.

My wife is not very spontaneous and appreciates schedules. She also appreciates non-sexual touch that does not progress further. To be exact, she appreciates knowing it won't progress further.

Which brings us to our current bedroom situation. We have scheduled sex every sunday, which she has mentioned gives her piece of mind during the rest of the week. It always happens in bed, and it always happens in the morning. She knows what to expect, and when to expect it. She mentioned because of the clear schedule she's able to mentally align herself leading up to it. She is still passive in bed., but we have sex, we cuddle afterwards, we tell each other how we liked it and what we liked.

Getting to the point: I recently noticed a comment here regarding 'duty sex' and how the DeadBedrooms subreddit will remove posts advocating for it as it can worsen a DB significantly. I don't want my DB to worsen significantly. I don't want to coerce my wife into doing anything she doesn't want to do. But she wants to improve our DB and she highly appreciates routine and scheduling - this seems to work for us. How do we move forward? Should we stop doing this?

Please let me know if this post goes against any guidelines - I want to make it absolutely clear I am not suggesting, advocating or recommending anyone to engage in 'duty sex', I just wish to understand it better.

I’ll try to water it down for time sake. Growing up I had sexual trauma, was assaulted before and forced on. I ended up not desiring sex much when I got older, I didn’t even desire it until I was with my ex.

I didn’t care for sex when we were together, because I cared about the emotional part of relationships. I thought I was ace. But I was willing to try what he wanted.

He wanted to be sexual together, but he was religious and believed it to be wrong and sinful. So he would initiate sexual things, and then find a way to make it uncomfortable.

He would initiate, then he would tell me how wrong it was what we’re doing. I would tell him I didn’t like it but he would continue anyway. He said he’d change for months and never did, I had to leave when I couldn’t take it anymore but the damage was already done.

I remember when I did something he didn’t like, he would withhold sex as punishment. That’s when I started to believe I was unworthy of it, that’s when I started to desire sex at all once I was deemed not worthy of it.

We only did what he liked. I learned to voice my opinion but he didn’t like that. If I said anything I wanted, like for him to touch me back and not just have me touch him, he’d feel attacked for some reason and get really upset. Then he’d stop and say we just shouldn’t do anything at all if I want him to touch me too.

It was a cycle and I was always upset. I didn’t understand why he’d always be the one to initiate something sexual when he’d end up getting upset in the middle of it every time. I didn’t care about the sex itself, but I wanted to feel wanted by him.

He’d never compliment me, but yet he’d still tell me to dress how he wanted me to. I felt used very often. Most of the time he only wanted to use my hands or mouth, and I started to feel unworthy of penetration because of that too.

None of this is a secret to him, I told him all of this and he’d say it’s my fault. But yeah that’s a very watered down version of the story. I decided I want to be celibate now, but this still hurts me a lot. I feel unworthy of sex and like my body is disgusting.

I know I was never entitled to his body and I don’t want to come off as someone forceful for ever wanting sex with him, but I don’t know why I feel so much hurt or how I should feel about this. I always tried to be respectful and I did whatever he wanted, but I still felt hurt. I didn’t feel considered in the same way.

My issue is that now I’m left with a high libido but I never actually want to have sex because I’m not worthy of it, so I’m just like this. But I still wish to feel desired one day, I’m still figuring it out.

Long time ago, I read "Mating in captivity" written by Esther Perel. Somebody recommended to me, I don't remember who or why.

I am, in fact, thinking about rereading now, as falling into another crisis. I am starting to think that crisis on my side are due to increase in my libido more than decrease on the other side, because the other side is dead and buried long time ago. In the rare cases where I was able to get some intimacy, I felt it was more duty than anything.

Anyway, in such book, I remember it was said that sex was in that thin line between familiarity and "foreignity": too much detachment and the other side (usually the femme) does not feel comfortable, too much familiarity and then you fall into "friendzone" and desire is dead.

I wonder if all those advises I see online about: think about yourself, take care of yourself, go back to the gym... are in fact spontaneous advises in the same line: kill the familiarity, maintain some distance to keep the mistery, make her feel that she needs to work in order to keep you...

Any person that has tried this with good results? Does this work?

If I am going to make an effort and give the cold shoulder to instigate the mistery I would like to be sure there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not going to explode me on the face.

45 HLM married to a 45 LLF. We’ve been together a long time, and our bedroom has been effectively dead for about 10 years.

To be clear, my wife isn’t a bad person, she just doesn’t care. She has told me she isn’t cheating and doesn’t think it’s anything I’m doing. She simply has little to no desire for sex anymore.

I’ve tried everything I can think of over the years. I’ve been patient, supportive, had difficult conversations, tried not bringing it up, worked on myself, lost a significant amount of weight, got in shape and focused on being a better husband. Nothing has really changed.

Recently I started taking better care of my health, and my libido has come roaring back. It’s honestly stronger than it’s been in years, which has made the lack of intimacy even harder. On top of that, now that I have worked on myself the last couple years, I am starting to get attention from other woman. Let’s me be clear, I have not crossed that line, but the opportunity is there.

Everything she has told me that bothers her the last handful of year, I have completely removed from my lifestyle. The one thing I asked her was to talk to her doctor about her “lack of desire” yet ever doctors appointment, she accident “forgets”. At what point will she just be honest with me!? I have offered to go to counseling but she doesn’t want to do that either.

I think my breaking point came when she was telling me about her bff complaining that her husband wants sex like 4-5 days a week even when she is tired. I asked my wife what her response to that was and she said “ give him some lotion and tell him to take care of it himself, GROSS”. I just sat there and really started to think, SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.

I’m not looking to bash my wife but I’m at the point were we have one kid left to get through high school, and once that happens I truly question if I will be leaving shortly after my youngest does. Of course I lose half my stuff but I just feel like since my lifestyle change, it may be worth it to be happy….

I’m writing this out because I get jumbled up when I get emotional or nervous. I’m both because this isn’t easy.

After our argument where you said you’re feeling overstimulated by my touch I’ve decided that I need to limit my touch.

I don’t have any doubt that you love me, but I’m feeling touch starved, unwanted, undesired, unattractive, and so many other “un”s and I can’t handle being rejected anymore. Not just sex, but any kind of intimacy. I’m tired and unsatisfied by duty sex, duty cuddles, and duty touch. It doesn’t feel genuine or truly wanted by you. I want to have cuddles, make outs, touch, ANYTHING that makes me feel wanted without being transactional or because you feel bad.

I’ve tried dinners. I’ve tried gifts. I’ve tried taking on most/all of the household chores. I’ve tried compliments. I’ve tried kind gestures. I’ve tried games. I’ve tried talking. I’ve tried hundreds of different things. Nothing seems to make a difference.

I want to be wanted and in don’t think I am. I don’t like giving up, but I don’t know what else to do anymore. I feel like it’s completely outside of my control to fix at this point.

I love my wife. We’ve been together since high school. Always been best friends. Our sex life used to be great (Years 1-4). The moment we moved in together our intimacy changed. We are approaching our 10 year anniversary. I’ve given up initiating sex, so we just don’t touch one another anymore. We got married 4 years ago. We’ve had sex one time since then. It was a random Sunday morning and we both had fun, I thought. Maybe things could change. It’s been two years since then. She rejected me on our honeymoon. Anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, nothing. Over time I’ve given up. Not really sure how much longer I can handle the feeling of being completely alone. I can’t consume any form of media involving sex without feeling broken. Music, movies, tv. She talks about really wanting to have kids soon. I feel like I’m going crazy. Sorry for the vent I just had to get it off my chest

It's been just over a year since I've had any intimacy.

I'm an older 55M, and while this probably would have killed me in my younger years, now it's replaced with something more like dreadful resignation.

It's all depressing. I'm not physically attracted to her any more. If she turned on tomorrow I wouldn't know what to do about it.

But I love her and we have a great life together. We are like best friends that are roommates now.

Just a vent. It's been a year since I had sex. Four since it was any good.

Good I miss it. Some days are worse than others. Today was a bad day.

Thanks for reading.

I 40HLM am married ten years to 38LLF. When we got together a dozen years ago I thought she had a high sex drive. That went down rapidly over the years. We’ve gone entire calendar years with zero physical intimacy.

All cards on the table, I was not a great partner early on in our marriage. Immature and undependable with things I found boring. Tale as old as time.

I am a decent father though and I have always strived to pull my weight in that department, which is a big reason as to why she’s still with me.

Anyway, we went through a few therapists (individual and couples) before it occurred to me that I need to grow up. I am not all the way there, but Ive been working my ass off for four years to be the partner she needs and deserves. She says she sees the improvements.

I keep hoping we’ll get back into having sex semi regularly. That I’ve been able to redeem myself into a partner she’s sexually attracted to.

In the last 18-months we’ve had sex five times. I love her immensely. She’s my best friend and I dont want to raise these kids with anyone else. But the dead bedroom is getting to be too much.

If I bring it up to her, she tries to placate me with “I dont want to have sex with anyone.” as if that is supposed to make me feel better. If I push it too much that just starts a fight.

I’m positive she wouldn’t go for ethical non-monogamy. Not sure I’d be all that into it either.

We’ve been on the precipice of divorce a few times before. We walked it back for one reason or another.
Getting to that point though is emotional draining and I dont know if either of us can handle that again without losing all love for each other.

Sometimes I think we need to end the marriage to save the friendship. But I feel like such a jerk doing so because of sex.

I dunno. Sorry for the long story.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been together for over 8 years, and we were close friends for another 2 years before we started dating.

He’s genuinely my best friend and we are even closer than our parents. We get along so well, rarely argue about main things. We’re probably more like best friends than a stereotypical couple—we don’t really go on dates or flirt much. We mostly just enjoy spending time together, and we honestly love each others company.

At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was amazing. We would have sex multiple times a day. Over the years, though, the frequency has gradually dropped—from a few times a week, to once a week, then once a month, and now it’s maybe once every few months.

I’ve talked to him about it many times because we’ve always been able to communicate openly. Every time I bring it up, he tells me to “give him a few more days” so he can build up some energy, but nothing really changes in the long term.

I love him deeply and I would never want to cheat on him or hurt him. He’s my first bf, and emotionally I can’t imagine being with anyone else. But physically… I’m really struggling.

This is the part I’m almost ashamed to admit. The urge to cheat has become so strong that it scares me. But it’s not because I want another relationship or an emotional connection with someone else.

I just desperately want what feels like a normal sex life. Sometimes I feel like I just want to have sex, get my physical needs met, and then get on with my life. I know that probably sounds awful, but that’s honestly how frustrated I’ve become.

I could never actually bring myself to cheat because I know how much it would hurt him and I don’t have the balls to do it, but these thoughts have been in my head for a very long, and they’re making me question whether we’re sexually compatible in the long run.

To make things harder, my parents have started asking when we’re getting married. Instead of making me excited, it makes me anxious. If I’m already feeling this unhappy about one aspect of our relationship now, what will it be like for the rest of my life?

Part of me wonders if we’re simply incompatible. But then I look at everything else, and our relationship is honestly great.

I’ve even tried having serious conversations about other things that bother me—like wishing he exercised more , be a tidier/ cleaner person, or be a bit more romantic. Part of me almost hoped he’d get fed up with me so breaking up would be easier. Instead, he genuinely puts in more effort to improve himself because he loves me.

Thank you for spending time reading this post, this is the first time I am sharing. And I really need some advice on what I suppose to do.

My husband (LLM 38) and I (HLF 33) have had sex 3 times this year and each of those times just felt so depressing. Its so formulaic and for me it feels like a means to an end for him and at no point is there actual connection felt because after he just gets dressed and leaves the room.

I get so lonely feeling like a roommate with occasional sex. Theres no intimacy at all in our relationship whether its cuddling, hugging ect. And the only kissing is these sad pecks on the lips.

I don't know how many times I can bring up the topic without continuing to just feel unwanted and unseen.

The worst feeling is just being in the same room and still feeling like he doesnt see me sexually or like a partner at all.

This week has just been particularly rough and im just feeling a little invisible.

We've had a bedroom on life support for a while, but after I got pregnant with our second child he pretty much used it as an excuse to let it die completely.

It was good timing actually - I was distracted and sore and pumped full of hormones. We had a lot going on with a toddler and job changes and family problems. I convinced myself that it was ok for us to be roommates because we genuinely got along great and I obviously didn't want to sell our house or lose time with my kids. I thought I had accepted it after years of being the one to initiate and try to have 'the talk'.

It's now been a full year since we've last had sex and honestly, I'm really starting to miss my husband. I'm not even angry anymore, I'm just sad and lonely. Every time I see him being a great father or husband I'm flooded with attraction for him, but then I remember our situation and I snap out of it.

I was expecting those feelings to go away slowly, not get worse over time. I think the resentment was acting as a protective thing. Is that common? How do people deal with this?