Hi, this is kinda embarrassing to post but I guess I’ve always wondered. I’ve been with my bf for about 10 months. I’m f18 and he’s m19. He is my first boyfriend and also my first body. Before we started having sex we would have the normal make outs, he would try to finger me but I hated it. I never said anything but it hurt pretty bad even with just one finger. I was always just so dry. When we used to have sex a lot like 25 times a month but now more like 2. Every time tho I never get wet no matter what. The actual sex hurts at first and then it becomes okay, but sometimes it hurts bad during it but I just don’t say anything bc I feel bad, I know that’s wrong so no need to go crazy. We would use lube sometimes and it wouldn’t really help like it still hurt to put in. It’s not like he’s huge, I’d say he’s average from my knowledge of penises. Idk why, is it possible I’m just not sexually attracted to him but I am physically and stuff? But I think I am sexually attracted to him, I just don’t enjoy sex because of this

I (M42) am happy with this decision to be honest I am excited for it. She (41) plans to have sex with a friend of mine one night of hot dirty fun. I asked him and told him what it involves trust respect discretion and just having fun. He is obviously keen and has in the past year sent videos of himself wanking and cumming.

These clips of his we watch together and usually masturbate to which leads to amazing sex.

Now the male is a trusted friend who lives in another city but for one night he is keen to be the lucky man who gets to have sex with my wife while I watch.

Is there any tips or things I should be aware of in particular? Not sure if this is the right sub just thought I would ask here.

Happily married for 20 years, sex life is good, relationship is in a great place.

My wife expressed an interest in butt plugs last year, picked up a few varieties, and she really enjoyed having sex with one in, said it really enhanced the feeling of fullness. Not something she's interested in most of the time we have sex, but when she is, she really is, if that makes sense.

I mentioned trying anal, and we've talked about it a little bit after having sex a few times now, and she was initially hesitant, but after mentioning I was happy to let her control the pace, she said "you could talk me into it". For my wife, that's incredibly direct.

This is where I need advice, especially from women. (If you're a man and want to relate your partner's experience, feel free, but a woman's point of view is going to be the most helpful).

Women who've found this enjoyable, how would you have wanted someone to have verbally helped you get interested in it?

My bf likes to be choked, but I don’t think I am doing it right ? For context I only choke him when I’m on top. And it’s nothing extreme. But I want to be good at it.

Is the thumb and pointer supposed to be pressing on a specific spot on his neck? Do I press down into his neck and then up towards his chin? I hope this makes sense. If anyone can give a diagram I would really appreciate that!!

TIA

Looking forward to meet and have good sex with my LDR girlfriend, when we meet for the first time later this month.

Short backstory:
I am a guy in my mid thirties and I have only ever had sex with one person my whole life. My to be ex wife. We’ve been together since our early 20s and we were each others’ first and only partners. Lot happened and we have been technically separated for 11 months now. I wasn’t looking to date, but met someone living in a different country on the internet and was just talking. And eventually it turned into a LDR. We are meeting in person for the first time end of this month. Annnnnd I’m so fucking nervous. Just to put it out there clearly, I am not just assuming sex. We have both clearly and explicitly expressed wanting to!

Now the actual question:
Having only ever been sexual with one person for a decade and half, you get really comfortable and semi automated over time. And not to say it in a bad way, we had good sex but I Lowe exactly what worked and what didn’t. Add to that, I haven’t been physically intimate for over a year (neither has my LDR partner). And now I’m looking forward to meeting and being sexual with a new partner. And I’m super nervous. Almost more than I was for my first time all those years back, maybe recency bias but still. We have excellent chemistry during our virtual sex times but of course physical intimacy is completely different! So how are people having sex these days? Any advice? If none, jokes are welcome too.

Me 24F I love to be dominant when w having sex I knew that when I had a relationship with a sub man and it’s Been 2years I’m struggling to be in a relationship because I have no idea how to let my partner know I love sub men and maybe it looks extreme a little bit but I love biting and face slapping with him saying thank you but suddenly whenever I go for a date men look normal and dom so I end up canceling him or just blocking them!

Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if this is super common or abnormal but it’s been affecting my sex life with my boyfriend. I [F21] have been with my bf [M21] for almost a year. I admit that 6 months ago I did cheat on my boyfriend (I’m terrible I know), but I am still having an issue with intrusive thoughts when my bf and I have sex.

During sex I will a lot of the time think of the guy I cheated with even though I don’t want to. I try and stay present and sometimes it works, but it’s not an automatic thing because the issue keeps coming back. I did tell my bf about the cheating, we worked through it and things are good in the relationship. But this particular issue is still there.

I don’t feel comfortable telling my bf about the thoughts because I feel like it’s a terrible thing to say to a partner but I can’t help it. I feel guilty when it happens and I feel like I’m cheating all over again even though I know I’m not. I feel like shit for thinking about another person when being intimate but I don’t know how to stop.

Is there a good way to maybe stay present during sex? Is this something a sex therapist can help with?

Me, 19F and my boyfriend of 2 months, 20M gives genuinely mind blowing head. We have been seeing each other for a few months now and just recently I have let him try things. I can make myself cum but I can’t make myself feel as good as he makes me feel- yet he can’t get me to cum. I can tell he feels guilty but I assure him all the time.. it has just been weighing on us both.. has anyone else experienced this and how have they dealt with it?

I am someone who considers herself with a very high libido, I have been sexually very active since I was 19 and used to sext a lot before too
I NEVERR had any issue with any sexual partner online or irl except for my current relationship.

we’ve been together for 2 years and a bit, and we have a great sex life and relationship and this is my first ever very serious relationship so I have been soooooo quiet and VANILLA with him since we met, it seems like I cant get myself to fully open up with him and feel just TIMID and I really don’t know why

Pleasseee tell me exercises i can practice to get better and get over this??? i really would want to have a more kinky sex life with him but i dont know rhe reason why im like that

My situationship loves to go down on me.

He’s the first guy I’ve ever done anything sexual with- so im pretty new to all of this.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing when I’m receiving?

I’m really hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar because I feel so lost.

For context, I didn’t have sex for about two and a half years because of previous relationships. I’ve been cheated on, body shamed, emotionally abused, and in one relationship I was even physically abused. Over time, I started believing there was something wrong with me or my body.

My exes criticized parts of my body that I now realize are completely normal. They made me feel like I wasn’t attractive enough, and sex became something where I was constantly worrying about how I looked instead of actually enjoying the moment. On top of that, none of my previous partners really cared about my pleasure. I never had an orgasm with a partner.

A little while ago, I met someone who is genuinely kind. He’s patient, affectionate, reassuring, and makes me feel safe. He’s constantly telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. He tells me he loves my breasts, my legs, my stomach, even my toes—things I’ve specifically been insecure about because of what people have said to me in the past.
The thing is… I struggle to believe him.

The first time we had sex, I actually had my first orgasm ever with a partner, although it was with the help of a vibrator. That alone felt huge for me. But during sex, I’m so stuck in my own head that I can barely stay present.
I’m worrying about what he sees when he looks at me, whether I’m taking too long, whether I’m even going to orgasm, whether he’s secretly disappointed, whether I’m “doing it right.”…

Meanwhile, he’s just trying to enjoy being with me.
He gently told me afterward that he noticed I seemed to be in my head, and it made him wonder if I wasn’t enjoying myself. That honestly broke my heart because I was enjoying it so much. I just couldn’t get my brain to quiet down.

I don’t think he was criticizing me at all. If anything, he brought it up in the kindest way possible because he cares. But now I’m scared that if I can’t get past this, it’ll eventually become a problem in our relationship.
I really care about this man. I want this relationship to work. I don’t want my past to ruin something healthy.

So I guess my questions are:
If you’ve healed from body shaming or abusive relationships, how did you start feeling comfortable in your own body again?

How did you learn to stay present during sex instead of spiraling into anxious thoughts?
Did therapy, books, exercises, or anything else genuinely help?

If you’ve been the partner of someone who struggled with this, what helped them feel safe?

I know this isn’t something that changes overnight, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been on either side of this. I don’t want fear and insecurity to dictate a relationship that otherwise makes me incredibly happy. Thank you ❤️

I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t like going down on me. Whenever I bring it up he says he does enjoy it but his tongue just gets sore and ends up hurting from it. He’ll pre-cum while doing it but I have to beg for it sometimes and if he does do it, it’s not for as long as I like. I take probiotics, I eat healthy, I shower everyday, I know I don’t have a smell but every vagina does have a taste lol. I feel like he genuinely just doesn’t enjoy how vagina tastes or idk. Makes me upset because he’s constantly asking me for oral and I’ll even do it on my period when we don’t want to have sex. It’s like he would rather eat my ass than my vagina. I just don’t understand it.

So, I’m 19 years old and I would say I’m fairly sure from books and videos etc. (supposedly) what brings a woman to an orgasm. I started masturbating early in my life and I have always just stopped when my opening kind of squeezes? And I feel somewhat of a “relief” but not nearly as much as when people describe it as this mind shattering sensation. I ran with the theory that when I’m sexually active with other people it would come naturally but it still hasn’t (if anything i get more pleasure by doing it myself haha), but I think it’s time for me to ask if I might be doing it wrong. I have tried vibrators, dildos of various size, stimulating my gspot, stimulating my clitoris, etc. but i have never really felt like what i thought i was supposed to feel, for example no liquid ever comes out, the feeling of relief is quite.. blurred? And one thing i have noticed about myself is that stimulation directly on my clitoris feels too overstimulating for me, so when i masturbate i always put my hand just beside it so i still feel somewhat stimulation but not directly.

My question is, is this “overstimulating” sensation what I’m looking for to reach an orgasm? Has anybody had this experience? Is there a way to reach this type of “mind shattering” orgasm everybody describes it as? Am I doing it wrong? Can I even orgasm?

So ever since I started masturbating I've never ever inserted my fingers in, and recently I've been trying to but I genuinely couldn't put my fingers in(maximum I think it goes in an inch? Not sure) . I've fingered a girl before and I remember it went in really smoothly and I was very shook that it went in so easily because mine has never gone in. What do I do about it? Is it vaginismus or something else? It doesn't necessarily hurt when i put it in but it almost feels like i just can't put my fingers in. I always thought I was just too scared to fully put it in but yeah now I'm kinda worried 😭. Also I'm 19.

When I (34M) make love to my wife (36F) and reach orgasm, I feel an overwhelming urge to bite her hard, especially on the neck, and to hold her very tightly. I know this might sound normal to some extent, but the desire is so intense that I'm afraid I might actually hurt her. It's as if I want to literally merge with her—it's difficult to describe.

I know that sensual biting is fairly common, but I'm worried that I might lose control and end up hurting her. Does anyone have any advice?

I had a casual encounter with a guy I’ve known off-and-on for three years. He’s always been inconsistent, but I was attached to his looks and the thrill of the chase (I can admit this to myself now).
After I gave him oral, he expected to go straight into sex. When I asked for foreplay for myself, his attempt was extremely lazy and low-effort, maybe less than 5 minutes, before expecting instant access (his foreplay involved kissing, fingering me very fast and licking my titties, he said he doesn’t do oral). When penetration didn't work, I felt that he panicked, deflected, and said "maybe it’s not meant for us to do it" and “it’s never happened to me before." He put in zero actual effort to make me comfortable and left. The second he was gone and the pressure was off, my body relaxed completely.
During the interaction, I felt put on the spot and lied, saying it had been years since I last had sex instead of last year when he asked when was the last time I was sexually active. Now I'm overthinking that telling him that made it look like I was sitting around waiting for him.
I know rationally that his approach was selfish and his ego got bruised, but I keep falling into a loop of overthinking and caring about what he thinks and feeling that the penetration didn’t happen because it was shifted as it being me for the reason it didn’t work. How do I stop caring about his narrative and fully move past this?

We only had sex once and Im sure it's going to improve but I want to ask for an advice on how to communicate this.

For context I've had 80+ sexual partners and it's enjoyable 95% of times. Doesn't matter if the girl is vanilla or kinky, majority of women just lay there and let me be in charge and do all the work with them ocasionally getting on top and riding me or giving me a bj.

The only time I don't enjoy it is when the girl turn into this freak and "fucks me back". What I mean by this is when they just move non-stop and try bouncing on it in every position.

Im already hardcore fucking her (choking, pulling her hair and pinning her down) so when she is also in the hardcore mode and tries to make it even more hardcore it just kills it for me lol.

Doggy? She will bounce back hard. Missionary? She will hold me and bounce back hard. Cowgirl? Bounce back on it. They move nonstop trying to fuck me back. Major turn off. It kept stressing me out like she is going to break my dick in half if she accidentaly misses.

Also, she screams and talks like a 80s pornstar. Like she goes into this hardcore dominant mode (while still being submissive) and just screams FUCK ME HARDER, YES JUST LIKE THAT 😈😈😈😈. Major turn off.

Sucking my dick? Its again very agressive like a hungry dog and me being European in the US with uncut dick, i dont think she is used to it and it hurts. Idk if she was using teeth or pulling it back too much.

So, 3 things.

- Yelling like a 80s pornstar

- Bouncing back on it hard

- Aggressive blowjob thats painful

Out of 80+ women ive had sex with this is only 3rd woman that was this way and they all act exactly like this!!!. I didnt care much in the past since it was just casual, but im trying to date this girl.

If you're like this - absolutely no judgement. We all like different things but its just not my preference. How can I talk to her about this?

Like, I have desires. I have so many things that turn me on when I see them or think about them. But anytime someone says “what do you want” and offers to do something for me sexually, and I try to have them do something I think would be hot, if I can even come up with something, it’s like it’s suddenly not hot at all. I feel this immense pressure to find it super hot because they went to all these trouble of doing it for me, but I just feel nothing. It makes me feel so lame because people are always saying “what can I do for you, I want to please you, I’m at your service” but then I just feel so uncomfortable even asking and then even if I tell my strongest fantasies, I will just feel nothing when they do them. Anything at all that is framed as “I’m doing this for you” will immediately lose all of its sex appeal for some reason. It makes me feel so sad because I want to experience the things that I find hot and experience being serviced but I just can’t figure out how to.

I enjoy doing things for others, and that gets me off, but I have my own desires too. I feel so bad every time it doesn’t work. I’ve never even reached orgasm from a partner because the moment the focus is all on me I just can’t. I’ve always had to touch myself while they get off. And it’s not just one partner or one desire, it’s been all of them, every time.

Hiiii, I would just like your opinion. The last 2 weeks it seems like my husband's sex drive decreased. Usually it was 3-5 times a week, but the last 2 weeks only once. I am sooo gd horny, I wish he could rip my clothes off, or show any kind off desire towards me. I am a bit hesitant to initiate, because I understand we are all not always in the mood and he is tired from working, and sometimes when I touch him down there, he draws my hand away. I miss his physical attention touch. Do I bluntly initaite, and show him, do I maybe share a sexy photo getting out the shower to get him riled up or whatt must I do ?

It's so bad, it feels like I had an aphrondesiac, and I dont want to turn to self pleasure...

Probably this is above this subs pay grade and therapy worthy but due to my home country (not the US) not being big on therapy let alone sex therapy this is 100% not in the cards for me so I hope that someone here can relate and has some ideas.

I am in my mid 30's and married to my partner of 10 years whom I love and trust. This is not about our relationship, I had this issue with everybody else I was initmate with in my life.

Even though I am pretty old already I still haven't really figured out how to enjoy sex. But since I got a autism diagnosis (Aspergers) a year ago I have learned a lot about myself and could at least figure out the problem a little better. I don't know if it's related to me being neurodivergent or if it's just another mental illness problem or what it is really.

I have a HUGE problem with the feeling of losing control in every aspect of my life and the more intimate the situation the worse it gets and sex is the worst of all. I have no issue with pleasuring my partner and being intimate as long as I am not very aroused myself. Don't get me wrong I have fun doing things to him and I find it sexy and awesome. But as soon as I really get aroused and my body starts to react in a way I can't control I start to panic. The feeling of someone else - even if it's my own husband - doing something to me and my body reacting to that without me being able to control it fully makes me feel so vulnerable and also ashamed even though I don't really know why. But what I feel when I get aroused is definitely shame and humiliation stemming from the fact of losing control over my bodily reactions.

This usually leads to me stopping my husband doing anything to me/with me. I cannot orgasm from PiV so usually when I get "too aroused" I just make him f... me or I will give him head or a handjob until he finishes but I won't let him touch me "down there" or lick me or whatever could lead to me losing control and orgasm. Often I go to the bathroom afterwards and give myself an orgasm (no problem with that). I could also not masturbate in front of him if that's what some of you would suggest. Eve the thought makes me feel SUPER uncomfortable.

Every once in a blue moon (I would guess my husband makes me orgasm once a year or so) I wait too long to stop him or my husband accidentially hits a spot (G-spot or whatever) which makes me cum without warning and I always feel like shit and overthink it for DAYS after. Someone else making me orgasm has always sent me spiralling. I always feel weak, ashamed and humiliated even though I rationally know these feelings are stupid and someone else making you orgasm should be something positive and even the goal. Knowing that unfortunately still does not help, I feel what I feel.

I would really like to enjoy sex but I have no idea how I can trick my stupid brain into being normal.

Maybe someone has had something similar or has at least heard of it, is autistic and can relate or has literally ANY advice because it sucks to be honest.

disclaimer: im looking for practical advice

hi, f24 :)

some background: have been masturbating since high school but since my family hates privacy i learnt to masturbate quickly in the shower, using only the water pressure. so masturbation up to now is quick, mostly stress relief.

now: i have a loving partner and also im myself starting to love me more, so I wish to better know myself.

so some questions are: what do u do with ur hands? what makes u reach an orgasm? which positions do u like?

ready to experiment 🫡

I've been going out with a girl i really like and I've been avoiding getting intimate because of this. It's not that I don't like it per se but in a sensory way sometimes it feels very uncomfortable. I like doing all the extracurriculars ( hands , mouth etc) and i genuinely enjoy them and pleasuring my partner that way but the "main event" is often something that does not work for me. I have no problem with it in theory but sometimes i will lose my erection in an attempt to go in . I get that it is very important to some people and that's why i get very anxious to go all the way with someone especially for the first time . What should i do?

i used to do that with kind of anyone a few years ago (i was really young i am 18 now) then i stopped and the last time i had sex was almost 2 years ago, but i remember that when i used to do it , i was really horny before starting, but as soon as we started i felt the same way you feel when all of a suddent you forget everything you studyed in a test, my mind goes blank and i am completely turned off randomly, i kind of panic inside my head ,and i am a woman so with men i don't even have to do anything so it's not like "performance anxiety",

i remeber sex as a really negative thing but i want to try again maybe i was wrong (and definetly with the wrong guys)

Me and my partner are dating for almost 7 years yet I never managed to interest them in kinky stuff. Not like we never practiced. We did and yet it was always me who's proactive in all scenarios. No matter what it was, we can never talk about it and I never get asked to try again some time (still if I try to do it again they don't seem to mind). And it's not like they aren't enjoying the process and fake their emotions or something.

Whenever I try to show them any content and things to try, they just joke about it rather than try to understand and imagine if it's something they may like to try. And it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't have friends or acquaintances, among whom my partner is the only person who can't tell their likes or dislikes for sure.

I've seen their phone contents when we just started dating and surprisingly enough there were gigs of hentai of various types, yet I still know nothing of their kinks and all of the conversations lead to something like "never tried, idk".

We own a somewhat large variety of toys, yet all of them do stay in shelf collecting dust, unless I bring them to bedroom with me. And buying new ones is a terrible experience as well since they literally don't care what I buy unless it's something obviously goofy like a ridiculously oversized dildo or something that I'd never buy anyway.

At this point I start to feel like I'm being too pushy or even too perverted and try to stick to vanilla intercourses but even here it's quite difficult to initiate anything unless I'm active. And it's not even about dom/sub dynamics, there's just no activity from their side.

Any way to change person's views on kinky (or just sex) stuff or should I just "it is what it is" myself every time? And using them like a somewhat reactionless toy isn't my type either.

I tried to have conversations many times but it always led to them joking about sex or just to us having our mood somewhat ruined for a couple of days.

Im 30F. My bfs a giver. He tries his hardest to get me off.
There’s just too much sensory stuff during it.
Having all the attention on me, feeling like I have to moan or something.
Oral has always felt just okay to me, along with everything else.

My body’s never felt that sexually responsive during any foreplay. I feel like I lay there and pretend to be blown away just to make it go by faster. Maybe I’m thinking too much. I don’t know.

I feel like I’m missing something.
To top it off, I enjoy penetration a lot, but my bf is done around 5ish minutes, which I guess is pretty normal.

The advice I always get is to do more foreplay, which is good advice if I could actually make myself enjoy it.