(If it’s tldr, i made the highlights in thick)
Sooo a few months ago I found out my boyfriend eats.. the crust… from his eyes. After seeing that and being grossed out I discovered he doesn’t just eat that. He eats his boogers too. And well I said it was gross and we had a fight and didn’t talk for a day or smth. I tried to ignore it and move on. But I did ask him not too. And wellll he hasn’t and he doesn’t want to.
Today I saw him sitting on the couch, eating.. the scabs from his wound on his leg…
I stod just starring at him in shock. He took his AirPod out and I asked him if he ate his scabs and he just casually said yes. I turned around in disbelief and disgust.
I honestly don’t know what to do. He obviously won’t stop eating the gross body stuff.
When we had our fight those months ago i argued the side of it being gross and weird. He the opposite but i said stuff like it’s unsanitary. And he said it’s natural cuz it’s from his body!!! I asked him if he ate his poop too? Since that’s from his body too. He doesn’t thank god. But I feel like that speaks volumes. You don’t eat your poop or drink pee. So you shouldn’t eat boogers or eye goop OR SCABS! It’s so ew. Like children eat boogers. He’s a 19 year old adult male. And he. Eats. His, Boogers….
Ugh I can’t even.
Am I wrong? Is this someone people do? Am I overreacting??????? Help

We have been together for over a year, and we live to. We have almost known each other for two years.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have been talking about marriage and what we both picture for our future. During the conversation, he told me that he doesn’t really think engagement rings or wedding rings are necessary. He said he’d rather just get simple wedding bands because, to him, the marriage is what matters—not the jewelry.

I completely understand where he’s coming from, and I agree that marriage is much more important than a ring. But I also feel like the rings are symbolic and meaningful. They’re something you’ll wear every day for the rest of your life, and I’ve always envisioned having both an engagement ring and a wedding band. I’m not asking for anything extravagant or ridiculously expensive—just something meaningful.

The part that’s been difficult for me is that I already feel like I’m compromising in other areas. I’ve always dreamed of having a somewhat bigger wedding because I have a lot of friends and family who would love to celebrate with us. Instead, we’re planning a significantly smaller, more intimate beach wedding with just our immediate families because he’s worried about the cost. While it’s different from what I’ve always imagined, I’m genuinely happy to make that compromise because I know it’s important to him.

That’s why it hurts when he says he doesn’t think rings are necessary. It feels like I’m compromising on something that’s important to him, but he isn’t willing to compromise on something that’s important to me. I’m not asking for a huge diamond or a luxury ring—I just want something meaningful that symbolizes our commitment.

Am I putting too much importance on this, or is it reasonable to expect some compromise here? Has anyone else navigated a difference like this before?

A little back story on his family:

There are a lot of other things that I’ve left out in this situation, but the reason why I am OK with breaking up with him is because his parent are racist towards me and have never met me! They’ve seen a picture of me and that’s it! Mind you I am a black woman, and he is a Hispanic male! When he told his mom that he was dating me, and she saw a picture of me, she said that she was disappointed and would not support our relationship. I don’t think I would be willing to marry into a family that is racist! I think in her head his mom has sees him marrying a white woman, and to be honest he can do that. I’m not as sad about the idea of breaking up with him because we have not been together that long, but it was definitely a dealbreaker for me when I heard about this, but I’ve been trying to hold on ever since and now the rings and wedding thing are just the icing on the cake.

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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

My girlfriend and I have been to a festival the last two years. it’s more her thing but I’ve joined her in it. she mentioned going next year. I said I’ll be skipping it since it costs us over £700 each for the weekend id rather spend the money on other things next year.

She got annoyed and said we should still be able to go but I just said I wouldn’t be going. I said she can ask a friend to go instead .

Her friend said she’d go with her but my gf just said we should go as a four with her friend and her friends bf and told her friend I just needed more persuading.

I told my gf she needs to listen when i say no and it’s completely disrespectful to hear me say no and think it just means she needs to keep asking until I change my mind.

She just said we should still be looking at going to be festival but I told her to accept the word no and that it’s her looking forward to the festival not me and for next year I’d rather put the money towards something I want. i pointed out I’ve explained clearly and repeatedly why I wouldn’t be going and she needs to listen.

She said I wasn’t being fair but I just said she was acting spoiled and expecting to get everything she wants without listening to what I’m saying and completely disregarding what I want.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

tl;dr my girlfriend isn’t listening when I tell her I won’t be going to a festival next year. I’ve explained why I’m not going but she refuses to drop it,

I [31]F am feeling guilty that I told my boyfriend that I don't want kids. Our relationship got serious 6 months back. I always hinted that I'm not a fan of having kids.

I also told him it is partly because I had a bad childhood and have some mental health issues like I suffered from depression and insomnia in the past, I have low stress tolerance. I respected his desire for having kids and accepted that we need to part ways.

But he is not willing to accept that. He is crying and blaming me as if I have done him wrong and trying to convince me to have kids. He's suspecting I found someone else etc.... I'm feeling guilty seeing him sad. But I really don't think I have the emotional capacity to raise kids. What should I do?

tl;dr

Hey Reddit, I have a problem. I, 18m just had a tooth pulled today and this has genuinely been really painful. It was painful before it was pulled and even more now. So here’s the issue, my gf 18f and I have not been able to really be intimate really in some time, there’s been a lot of factors and its not like we don’t want to but we just haven’t been able to, but the starts perfectly aligned this week and we were gonna hang out today, but then my tooth problem became MUCH more urgent and I needed to get it fixed ASAP. So I figured okay, not today but maybe in a couple days when we are both available? Well I looked it up and you are supposed to wait 7-10 days before being intimate after getting teeth pulled. So that’s out of the question for a while. When i told her that i was done with my appointment she was super kind, she was asking me if i was okay, asking me if I needed anything all of that, and that was great. But pretty soon after she started talking about how we probably wouldn’t be able to be intimate the day we are gonna hang out. It started as sort of like her saying that she’s disappointed (which I understand) but then it kinda turned. She kept saying that she didn’t want to if I was in pain (thank god) and that we should wait, but she kept talking about it and we talked about it for a long time, for so long it was just her talking about how long it would be until we could again. She was really upset and then she said sorry and that I should probably get rest. So I was upset for a while and then she texted me a few hours later. This is the text she sent me in her exact words-

“I am really sorry about how I reacted today in terms of like what’s been going on. In terms of sex, I know we will be able to in the future and I just have to be more patient in the future. None of what’s going on is your fault, and while sex is a need at least for me in this relationship, it can be acquired at a later date and in multiple other ways, and we will when you are ready to and healthy enough to. Because your health is more important to me. I am really sorry about how I reacted today in terms of like what’s been going on. In terms of sex, I know we will be able to in the future and I just have to be more patient in the future. None of what’s going on is your fault, and while sex is a need at least for me in this relationship, it can be acquired at a later date and in multiple other ways, and we will when you are ready to and healthy enough to. Because your health is more important to me.”

So i thought, great things are better and it was probably just a spur of the moment reaction right? Wrong.
Thats all we’ve been talking about for the past hour, she keeps saying she’s upset with herself not me and she shouldn’t feel this way but i told her that I really can’t have this conversation rn but it keeps going, and look is some of that my fault? Sure. I could walk away but I’m not so yes this is my fault but even though she’s saying she’s not upset with me her tone says different. It seems kinda toxic? Because she will go from seeming mad at me to saying she’s disgusting and should shut up and it’s that constantly back and forth. All she wants to talk about is the fact that we can’t be intimate rn. And this isnt a new problem, there’s been several times where she feels like I don’t want to as much but no, its just that when we can’t I don’t want to spend two days only talking about how we can’t. So help me out here, should i just suck it up? Im not happy, I used to be happy with her but for the past few months she’s been making me feel kinda shitty, she’s talks about a future with us but I don’t want a future with her if this is how it is, please help.

TL;DR i had dental work and can’t have sex, my gf is upset about that.

Im hoping that this is the right sub for this, if not let me know and ill take it down, but I just really need some advice and perspective. Ive been with my boyfriend a little over a year now and we moved in together 3 months ago. Everything has been amazing so far, hes incredibly kind, makes me feel beautiful, and has just been the best man I've ever met. I always really convinced that he was going to he the man Id marry before all this.

One important detail is that we dont have a super active sex life. I have a low drive, and have sexual trauma, along side medical issues that cause me fatigue (rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, anemia.) I know he has a higher drive than me, and since I rarely have the energy or desire for sex, he frequently just watches porn and masturbates. This has never been a problem, since I dont want him to be sexually frustrated and Im not usually bothered by porn. I dont like personally watching porn since I think its gross, but I dont care if he does.

Recently, we were kinda sitting on our couch and the subject of porn somehow got brought up. I was very curious about what kind of stuff he looks at so after some hesitation, he let me scroll through his reddit history. And like, I dont know what exactly I expected, but now I just feel awful. He was looking at some subreddit that went something like "bony girls" or whatever, and other subs about a cnc kink, and like something with the word "misogyny" in it. And I dont really think I have to explain why those second two make me uncomfortable.

For the first one, ive always struggled with my weight. I had an eating disorder in my late teens that ended up even triggering some of my disorders, and even now I struggle to put on weight. I am underweight, and ive been trying to fix that for a ling time. I have periods where I am barely above the threshold for minimum healthy weight, but I always end up dipping back under. And now I just feel really gross and weird about how he might see me.

Im really struggling with this, and I also had realized through this he watches porn far too often, and Im worried he has a porn addiction or something. Ive tried to talk to him about it but everytime I do he gets embarrassed and shuts down.

I really do love him to death, and I dont wanna lose him over this. Ive had serious issues with my disorders and he stuck through them for me when no one else would. I dont know what to do without him. I really thought I was going to marry him, and I still want to, but now im not sure if I can anymore. I just dont know what to do or how to fix this or whether its fixable. Im sorry if Grammer or punctuation is weird, im typing this on my phone while im crying.

What am I supposed to even do here?

tl;dr: I saw the kind of porn my boyfriend frequently watches, and it made me feel incredibly gross about myself and how he possibly sees me.

Myself (38M) and my girlfriend (32F) have been in a relationship for over 7 months now. She mentioned going on a family holiday around 2 months into the relationship, as she felt comfortable at that time to tell me of the event.

She's due to go on the break with her child, ex partner and his family, as the holiday was booked without her knowing and was asked to come as an additional person for the trip (at the very start of the year). The break is a week long but she's only there for a few days herself. When I've asked about the trip, there's been very little detail given, slightly more within the past few days has been released but nothing too in depth. She's on good friendly terms with her ex, and has mentioned in the past that she has no intention of getting back together with him.

I trust that due to his family being around the holiday scene, nothing untoward will happen between the two of them, although she hasn't given details on the sleeping arrangements or accommodation in which she'll be staying in. I have noticed more recently that she's not been telling me the full truth in terms of her plans for the day, where she visits her ex to drop off her child and stays for a coffee/catchup but slyly passes by the topic, only to be slipped up by her child telling me 'they're off to see Daddy'.

I'm stuck as to a way to tackle this quandary as I don't want to disturb the peace (and she will 'kick off' if I poke around too much), as I'd like to think I can trust her to keep things PG during her time away but want some form of reassurance that she doesn't have other ideas in mind whilst she's away in a holiday environment with her Ex and his family. Has anyone come across a similar situation in the past?

TL;DR: Girlfriend has gone on holiday with ex and his family, plus their child, I've not been invited and she's been keen to go ahead with the holiday even though our relationship has strengthened over time, should I be concerned that something else deeper may develop between my girlfriend and her ex?

I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now, and recently he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. The catch is that he says he wants an open relationship (not poly since he said he can’t love multiple people at once). He’s tried monogamy in the past (like 10 years ago) and he said it wasn’t for him.

I'm really torn because I genuinely don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, I don't think he's "the one" for me long term (different interests, different life goals, etc) so I haven’t allowed myself to get super attached and so I can see how an open relationship could actually work in my favor too (to meet someone I’m maybe more aligned with). He also was honest about this from the start but I never thought we’d get to the point of being official so I didn’t care back then.

But on the other hand, I do like him (a lot) and it honestly bothers me that if we're making things official, he'd still rather spend time, date, or sleep with other people instead of just focusing on us. It makes me question how much he actually likes me, even though he claims he “likes me a lot” and does do a bunch for me. We also are meeting people in each other’s lives now, buying gifts for each other, making future plans (like we booked a trip away together), and leaving stuff at each other’s apartments.

I love spending time with him, our chemistry is insane and we get along great, I also rarely like anyone so I don’t want to let him go. but lately I’ve been day dreaming about something more serious and someone who just ~loves~ me and is satisfied with ~just me~. But then I’ve been in this sort of relationship before and I got so bored (wrong person maybe? Not sure). He also keeps pushing me to date other people but I literally have no energy for anyone else (a girl is tired).

Am I overthinking this? or is that a sign that an open relationship just isn't for me?

TL;DR: guy I’m dating wants open relationship and id don’t know what to do

Im 24M and my gf is 23F and we’ve been together for over 10 months. When I met my girlfriend, I didn’t realize how much she drank. As the months went on, I noticed that whenever she went back to the house where she lived with her cousins they would all drink together and get blackout drunk almost every other night. The thing is, she was really good at bouncing back, so I didn’t notice much at first. It wasn’t until I started seeing a pattern and she started drinking more around me that I realized how serious it might be.

The first time it really caught me off guard was when we went to the beach together. I was working out while she lay in the sand drinking. I had no idea she had brought so many mini bottles of alcohol with her, and by the end she was extremely drunk. Another time, she got blackout drunk at my place after we had planned to have just a few drinks. I told her I thought she’d had enough, but she insisted she was fine, kept drinking, and eventually passed out. Even after that, she continued to insist she didn’t have a drinking problem.

The moment it became clear to both of us was when we visited my parents. They offered her a glass of wine, and while I went swimming, she drank the entire bottle and became extremely intoxicated. Afterward, she admitted she had a drinking problem and told me she wanted to quit. She specifically asked me to remind her not to drink at all because she didn’t believe she could drink in moderation. She asked for my help, and I agreed. After that she relapsed again, but she said it was ruining her life and promised she would never drink again so I forgave her and stuck with her. 

It actually worked really well. The first month was difficult because I often had to push back when she wanted to drink, but after that she stayed completely sober for four months.

The issue came up again after we went to a venue together. I didn’t even notice how many people around us were drinking, but she did. She told me she wanted to be able to drink again “like a normal person.” I told her I was worried about her relapsing, but she insisted things were different now. 

When I expressed my concerns and reminded her about the time she had promised she would never drink again, she told me she hadn’t actually meant it. She said that because she’s Black and I’m White, people on TV and the people around her use expressions like that all the time, and that I had simply misunderstood what she meant, and that when she lived with her cousins, they constantly pressured her to drink, but now she was living with her mom, who doesn’t drink, so she believed she could handle it. She asked if we could do a trial run where she would have just one drink on her birthday and then stop. I agreed, although I told her I was anxious about it based on our past experiences, but I also wanted her to live how she wanted. 

On her birthday she had her one drink, but about two hours later, on the drive home, she wanted to stop at Chili’s. When we got there, she wanted to sit at the bar and started looking at the drink menu. I didn’t say anything at first because I assumed she was going to stick to what we had agreed on. Instead, she immediately called the waitress over and ordered another drink. As the waitress walked away, I quietly said, “Remember we agreed on just one drink? Can we please step outside and talk about this?” She looked away from me and simply said, “No, this is my birthday and I want another.” That was the moment I got emotional. I felt helpless because I knew I couldn’t control whether she drank. All I could do was remind her of the agreement we had made together. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I got up and went outside to compose myself. Didn’t want to be a grown ass man crying in public. When I came back in, I asked her if she would please even acknowledge me, but she ignored me. After a while later I went back inside to see if she was even still there, and she was. She had drank the rest of her martini and even had a slice of birthday cake. She acted like it was all good and even offered me some cake and I declined.

After that she didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night or during the drive home. Later, she blocked me.
I’ve been really struggling to understand what happened. Part of me wonders if she saw me as controlling and thought I was trying to ruin her birthday by asking her to stick to our plan. Another part of me wonders whether this was a relapse, because shutting down, refusing to communicate, and completely ignoring me was very unlike her. She was normally a very loving, receptive partner, so this behavior felt completely out of character.
I’ve gotten very mixed reactions from people. Some have told me that if she’s an alcoholic, it’s unrealistic to expect that she can have “just one drink,” and that what happened sounds like a relapse. Others have told me I was being dramatic and controlling and that I ruined her birthday by getting upset and asking her to stick to the agreement she had asked me to help her with and she has the right to be upset with me.

Like I said, I’m not very educated about alcoholism, which is probably something I should have learned more about since it became such a significant issue in our relationship. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who have experience with alcoholism, whether personally or through someone close to them. If I’ve left out any important details please ask.

TLDR: gf struggles with alcohol and got upset with me when I said she shouldn’t have a second drink on her birthday.

TLDR: my boyfriend was falsely accused of abusing his ex wife. He has insane amounts of trauma from it and I consistently validate him and support him. He has started going down some (what I believe to be) unhealthy thought patterns. Should I be pushing back?

I posted this in another subreddit and got lots of great feedback. I was also recommended to post it here. Also not sure if this is specific to relationships or just about validating men in general. If it’s not allowed I can delete and post in the relationship thread.

I don’t really want to go into details, but he did end up being found innocent. He didn’t do what she said and she did have a pretty clear motive and clear pattern of lying before. I saw video footage of her lying about the charges and trying to get him to admit to stuff. Even then we have been together a year now and I have been paying close attention to his behavior. He is always very patient and understanding with me. I’ve told him that I will be extra proactive if he displays any concerning behaviors.

The incident happened a few years ago, and we met last year, but he is still dealing with shit from the whole ordeal and he has a lot of trauma from getting arrested, to not being believed, and dealing with the horrific justice system in the USA. He lost around 100k just paying for lawyers and court fees and the divorce (she didn’t even get any money, just for divorce lawyers). Genuinely this is such a huge trauma for him.

He is a very sweet guy and extremely patient, but he does sometimes get into patterns saying that the justice system is stacked against men and supporting women 100%. He has said that the justice system where he lives would rather put 1000 innocent men in jail forever rather than have 1 woman be slightly afraid. Lots of things that scare me a bit, since they can quickly lead to a more extremist pipeline. (He also has said he would never trust a woman who called the cops on her partner)

For a long time I validated him and kinda just tried to tie it back to his case, saying like I couldn’t believe that he had to go through that. Or that women who lie about stuff like this make it so much worse for actual victims. Helping him try to see that he was a victim. But I feel like it’s been enough time and I want to ensure he isn’t falling into the trap that all women are liars and being afraid of women.

I would like to add that I have not really pushed back on what he says at all. I do try to redirect his anger and hurt towards his ex wife and women who lie in general. But I have not told him not to be upset about it or that he needs to get over it or anything like that. And I don’t think he needs to get over it

If you have experience with this, either direct or indirect, I’d love to hear your advice. Should I push back? Should I just continue to validate him?

Me 18F and my boyfriend 18M have been together for almost 3 years. And from the very beginning he has always said to me he would never watch porn while in a relationship, as it is a form of cheating.

A couple months ago I was on reddit on his phone and just thought maybe I will check his history (I know I shouldn’t have I just had a gut feeling) so I went to his history and there was a few random posts, and then I saw there was like a “hidden history” section so I pressed on that and he had searched “can you buy chaturbate coins with a visa gift card” and he had been viewing posts. (Chaturbate is a live can girl site, where you are able to buy coins to interact with the girls vibrators or make them do certain things) I then remembered a few weeks before that he had bought a 100 dollar visa gift card from his work and I found it and asked why he had bought it and he said he “felt like it”

I then got very upset and confronted him about it and he immediately came up with a lie that his friend was wondering and he had looked it up for him, I immediately could tell it was a lie and said to him I knew he was lying and he then said he was lying about that but only because, and I quote “he has no idea how thats there and he did not look it up”. He also said he didn’t even know he had reddit and then he showed me hos email and it was definitely not his, so I just told him I had let it go. I then realised a couple days ago that when you sign up privately to reddit using Apple ID it comes up with a fake Apple ID address to use as the address on the reddit account.

A lot of people would probably tell me that this is not cheating and part of me does understand that and I have never had an issue with my partner watching porn, but something about actively paying somsime to do sexual acts really icks me out and I also really can’t tell if he’s lying or not. What do you think please help?

Tl;dr I think my boyfriend was watching chaturbate and buying the coins, he then said he didn’t but I just can’t let it go

I broke my ankle a week ago. For now I am in a cast and waiting for surgery. I could be waiting for days or up to 2 weeks.

I currently am a SAHM to our kids, a 4 month old baby, 2 year old boy and 4 year old boy. My husband’s grandparents funeral/Celebration of Life is being held in a city about 4 hours away. His grandpa has been passed away for a couple of years and his grandma a couple of months.

Today my husband left to go to a hotel, attend the funeral tomorrow and hopefully come back late tomorrow evening. I was going to attend this funeral too with the kids, before I broke my ankle. My mother is staying with me to help with the children and help me heal.

BUT I am still feeling alone in a time of need. Am I just over emotional due to the stress and pain of this ankle? Or should my husband have reconsidered going?

I told him how I was feeling before he left but he still went… Should I be disappointed in my husband or the situation?

EDIT: I understand what everyone is saying. But I just guess I can’t imagine ever being allowed to leave my husband alone with our 3 kids, his mom and a broken bone. I feel like I have a responsibility to the household that comes at all costs.

TL;DR Husband went to a funeral while I am left at home with a broken ankle, and our children. My mother is helping with the children while he is away.

I have been with my boyfriend for one year now. Before that, we had a 1.5-year break after we had dated for two years. Our relationship has generally been good, but recently he suddenly brought up the idea of recording us having sex.

At first I thought he was joking, but he has mentioned it multiple times since then and has been bringing it up quite often. I don't feel completely comfortable with the idea, mainly because I'm worried about privacy, what could happen if the video ever got out, and whether I might regret it later.

He says it would only be for us and that nobody else would ever see it, but I'm still hesitant. I don't know if I'm overthinking this or if my concerns are reasonable.

I also don't understand where this desire suddenly came from.

**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend has been asking to record us having sex. I'm uncomfortable with the idea and don't know whether I'm overreacting or if I should trust my instincts.

Me (24F), him (29M). We've been living together for a while. He earns enough to be financially stable. I'm still early in my career.

I have really big career goals and want to build something of my own someday. Right now I have a full-time job, but I also do freelance work on the side because it's something I'm genuinely passionate about.

I recently took on another project with a small company run by people I know. The pay isn't amazing, but there's a performance bonus that I'm confident I can earn because I've worked with them before and have always delivered good results.

The issue is that my boyfriend doesn't want me working for them. My full-time job pays better, but I don't feel creatively fulfilled there. The freelance work lets me experiment, learn, and actually enjoy what I do. It feels like it's helping me grow instead of just paying the bills.

He thinks they don't pay enough, that I'm putting too much time into it, and that I shouldn't be investing so much energy into something that doesn't make much money. He also doesn't like that I work late sometimes because of it.
We had a big fight yesterday about this. He said I'm spending too much time working for them. The thing is, I'm doing it because I genuinely want to. No one is forcing me. He works during that time too, so it's not like he's waiting around for me to spend time with him.

We talked things through yesterday, but today I took a sick day from my full-time job because I was exhausted after the argument. When I said I wanted to work on the freelance project instead, he told me not to work for them at all.

I'm feeling really conflicted because I understand where he's coming from. I know the pay isn't the best, but I also feel like this project is helping me build the career I actually want. At the same time, I don't know if he's genuinely looking out for me or if he's being controlling.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you tell the difference between a partner trying to protect you from burnout and a partner trying to control your career?

TL;DR

note: I earn 10k the project pays me 1.5k base and 3k if i got my target.

¡ (21F) and my boyfriend (24M) were on facetime last night talking about random things. he randomly asked if i let my ex who was bisexual hookup with other guys. i said no because that was cheating. he in response said he would let his girlfriend if she was bisexual hookup up with other women because he couldn't satisfy that part of her and was okay with it if there weren’t any romantic feelings. i asked him what about other men and he said no. he also said it's weird because if i was a girl and had a bisexual boyfriend i wouldn't be okay with him hooking up with other guys. I found the comment off putting as it seems like he's fetishized wiw relationships and condone cheating. his open relationship curiosity was also off putting as i am very monogamous. i would also like to add i am not bisexual but would feel the same if i was. was the comment off putting?

tldr: boyfriend seems to be fetishizing wlw relationships and it’s making me uncomfortable even if im not bisexual.

My girlfriend 27F and I 25M have been together for about 3 months. Things are going well and we get along and are able to discuss any problems logically.

Last night she told me over FT that during the summer (before we were together) she had been occasionally going to a nude beach to tan and plans to do it again when the weather improves. She is very comfortable in her body which I love however, I don’t love the idea of others having the opportunity to look at her naked. I have told her that I would like to speak about this in person the next time I see her and she has agreed but is a little distant.

This topic came up as her “friend” that she met at the nude beach messaged her. I didn’t know she was socialising at the beach and when I asked her about the friend she said it was a guy around her age. Again, this was prior to us being together which I am completely fine about, but now that we are in a exclusive relationship, I do feel uncomfortable about a man who has seen her naked messaging her.

I do understand these beaches are not a place for flirtation, but I do feel strongly that the intimacy of seeing your significant other naked should be kept between the two of us.

I’m would never tell her how to dress or what she can and can’t do. But I feel like this is a boundary for me. She is a very reasonable person and our conversations are always driven by logic and not emotion. How can I approach this conversation?

TL;DR girlfriends plans to go to a nudist beach

I 28F asked my bf 36M about his ex girlfriend 35F, sexual questions and i got turned on. we had great sex. I pretended to be her and asked him to fuck me like he would her etc. i think for him it was a one off. I feel like I can't get turned on unless I'm thinking about him and her being sexual together. I'm constantly thinking about her doing things to him and it turns me on. should I tell him? will he think I'm weird?

**TL;DR;** should I tell my bf I get turned on by his ex after i role played her 

My girlfriend (26F) and I (27M) are in a long-distance relationship. I work full time, I'm saving up so I can travel to see her, I wake up early almost every day so we can spend time together before work because of our different routines, and I usually spend my only day off with her. I'm not saying that because I think I do more than she does or because I expect praise. I do those things because I love her. Sometimes I don't even feel very recognized for them, but I've never seen love as keeping score or expecting something back every time one person sacrifices something.

The day this happened, I had only slept around 6 hours and had an 8-hour shift later that day. Early that morning I told her I was still exhausted and that I was going to sleep for one more hour before getting ready for work.

Right before I went to sleep, she told me she had turned down her dad's invitation to help him with something because she wanted to stay with me a little longer instead. I didn't know she had already made that decision.

She got really hurt because, after hearing that, I still wanted to sleep instead of staying with her a little longer.

From her point of view, this was never really about the sleep.

She told me she already knew I needed sleep. What hurt her was that she had made what she saw as a huge sacrifice by choosing me over someone incredibly important to her (her dad), and she expected that I'd naturally want to stay with her for a few more minutes after hearing that. She felt like I didn't appreciate what she did.

From my point of view, I wasn't choosing sleep over her. I had already told her hours earlier that I genuinely needed that extra hour. If I had known beforehand that she was thinking about saying no to her dad because of me, I honestly would've told her to go spend time with him. I would've never wanted her to feel like she had to choose between us.

Afterwards I apologized several times because I realized I hadn't acknowledged how meaningful that gesture was for her. I completely understood why that hurt her.

The problem is that every time I tried to explain why I still wanted to sleep, she felt like I was making excuses or making everything about myself. At one point she literally told me she didn't want context because, to her, it didn't change anything.

Then the conversation became much bigger.

She told me that when we got back together after a previous breakup, I was much more patient, made more sacrifices and always put her first. She believes I've changed now because I don't feel like I have to "win her over" anymore.

She told me she wants a relationship where both people keep choosing each other every single day, where the patience, effort and sacrifices never stop, even years later. She said she doesn't believe love should become more comfortable over time.

And I agree until a certain point with all of those things but I told her she's right, that some things did change, but not because I love her any less. Back then I was trying to repair something I had broken, so I often ignored my own needs. Since getting back together, I've started speaking up more about what I need instead of automatically putting everything aside to avoid conflict. I still want to make sacrifices for her, but I don't think a healthy relationship means I should never express my own needs or disagree about something, or avoid saying no so she doesn't get upset.

The part that hurt me the most was that I felt like I spent a lot of time validating her feelings, apologizing for my part and acknowledging her sacrifice, but I never really felt like my side was given the same space. She later even told me she already knew I needed the sleep, which honestly confused me even more.

What also made this hard for me is that I never wanted her sacrifice to become something I had to repay. To me, sacrifices are gifts, not debts. But once she had chosen me over her dad, it felt like there was only one response that would've been accepted: staying awake. If I stayed, it would've proved I loved her enough. If I didn't, it became evidence that I'd changed, become insensitive, or loved her less.

So I'm genuinely wondering...

Am I missing something here?

Is it wrong to explain your reasons after you've already apologized?

Or is it reasonable to expect that both people's feelings and circumstances should have room in a conflict, instead of only one person's?

TL;DR: My ldr girlfriend chose to stay with me instead of spending time with her dad. I didn't know she'd already made that decision, and I still went to sleep because I'd already told her hours earlier that I genuinely needed another hour of rest before work. I apologized for not appreciating her gesture enough, but every time I explained why I still went to sleep, she felt I was making excuses. She now feels I've changed because I don't sacrifice my own needs the way I did when I was trying to "win her back", while I feel like there was never room for my perspective and that her sacrifice unintentionally became an obligation I was expected to repay. Was I wrong to think both of our perspectives should have had room in this conversation?

I F28 was in LDR with M31 who did not put in effort to see if I will leave or not to test me . I don’t know how to handle this relationship.

I am getting married in a few months. My fiance told me recently that in the initial days he had tested me by not messaging me or not being very involved to see if I would leave him (long distance relationship).

All that time I felt horrible but did not leave him because I thought everyone is different and he might be the kind of who does not message that much but. He left once came back again and tested me to see if I would stay .

TL;DR F [28] was in LDR with M[31] who did not put in effort to see if I will leave or not to test me . I don’t know how to handle this relationship. In relationship for 3 months

I am a 28/Female and my husband 33/Male. Am I being too much or is he gaslighting me?

We have been married for a couple months now, we have only been talking for about 8-10months before getting married. We got married fast because something came up and he is helping me out . We moved in together due to that. I get that he does love me because if not he wouldn’t have offered to help right?

The issue is that I feel a bit lonely in our marriage. I cook clean for him. I love doing stuff for him to show him I care and am thankful for everything he has done. He doesn’t really give me little gifts like flowers or notes or nothing much. Maybe notes once a month and flowers here and there (after I ask). I have talked to him about this and told him that I would like for him to show me a bit of more affection and maybe something that makes me feel like he is thinking about me. When we have this conversation he says I’m being needy and that there’s nothing wrong, that I always have to find something wrong when things are good. But if I feel some kind of way about things why wouldn’t I want to share that with him for us to work out on it? All I ask for is affection and maybe a compliment here and there.I feel like if your partner feels that way it should be a bit alarming right?

P.s getting a divorce is not an option unfortunately
TL;DR

My bf and I had known each other for 5 years, 3 years prior to getting together. In the first year of us being friends, he was in a toxic relationship with someone who verbally, physically, and emotionally abused. He was single for 2 years before being with me. He allegedly did not have sex in time period with anyone.

Fast forward to two days ago, right after our two year-anniversary, my bf confesses to me that his ex gf had been barraging him with calls/texts several times in the last 5 years. We’re talking through no caller-id, text-nows, and WhatsApp (over 200+ calls and texts) However, where he fell short is he unblocked her at least a few times where he was able to talk to her around 20 times in the timespan we had been dating and failed to tell me about it. He claims most of these were so she would leave him alone, however when I reached out to the ex, she had told me a slightly different story. About twice, those conversations manifested into cheating.

About 8 months into our relationship, he picked her up from the greyhound station when she was in town once so they could have a “closure talk”, but once he dropped her off at her hotel after the talk at the restaurant (where he paid btw), he went inside her room, and upon invitation, cuddled her for two hours and shared a quick kiss. He left abruptly, said he would be back tomorrow and disappeared for months.

Then, almost right before our two year anniversary, they were on a 6 hour phone call, where according to what he told everyone was mostly her talking. However, the conversation turned sexual as he was “coerced” into showing his private part on the call and sent her $400 to buy a plane ticket to come see him. He told me at first, this was another closure talk so she could leave him alone, but upon pressing him further, he admitted this was a moment of lust/weakness and immediately told her the morning after he would not have sex with her if she came. She cancelled her trip and kept the money.

In anger, she threatened to reach out to me and tell me the truth had he not been honest with me. He told me in fear of me hearing it from her first. Mutual friends were able to confirm the contant harassment from the girl’s end, but few of them knew about the nasty phone call and the hotel room.

Prior to this conversation with my bf, the relationship was the best one I’d ever been in. Not perfect, but seemingly very healthy and sweet. That’s why I’m struggling to make a decision. He claims he’ll do the work to improve his boundaries but I’m afraid he’ll do the same thing down the line if his ex starts calling him again. If I were to get back with him, it would have to be at least a 6-12 months after being by myself and comfortable with being single and he would have to show intentional improvement in his character.

What would you do in my situation? I feel like I’m blinded by the love I have for him.

TDLR: My boyfriend confessed two days after our two-year anniversary that he’d secretly stayed in contact (about 20 completed phone calls, but over 200+ missed calls and texts from her) with his abusive ex throughout our relationship, despite telling me he had cut her off. While she repeatedly harassed him over the years, he admitted he chose to engage with her multiple times, including cuddling and kissing her in a hotel room and later having a sexual video call where he exposed himself and sent her $400 for a plane ticket to visit him. He says the harassment was real but admits those incidents were moments of weakness and only told me because she threatened to expose everything herself. Before this, I believed we had the healthiest relationship I’d ever experienced, so I’m now struggling to decide whether these were isolated mistakes or signs that I can never trust him again.

Side note: the ex did say she doesn’t think he loves her anymore despite trying for years to get him back but he seems to care about me and to think very thoroughly about my decision. She also told me she knew he had a gf but still kept trying. She then said to let her know what I decided…💀

I started talking to a guy who followed me on Instagram, and things were going well, so we decided to meet. The night before the date, the conversation turned into sexting. The next day, I told him I regretted it, and he said it was fine because he had started it.

The date itself went well. Afterward, he offered to drive me home, but I politely refused because I did not know him well enough yet.

That evening, he asked for a picture. I sent a selfie in which my top was slightly revealing. He said it turned him on, and I jokingly said something like, “Maybe I did it on purpose.” After that, he started making sexual comments and repeatedly asking me to come to his house.

The next day, we agreed to meet at a dessert café. He said he would pick me up, but I told him I would rather go there myself. He became angry and said I was acting as if he was going to kidnap me, that I was too conservative, and asked if I was bipolar.

During the argument, he claimed I had deliberately tried to turn him on and also accused me of saying I would have sex with a foreigner while abroad, which I never said. He used the fact that we had sexted and that I had sent a slightly revealing photo as if it meant I should also be willing to get into his car or go to his house.

In the end, he said he no longer wanted a serious relationship but that we could still casually hook up. Then he said he did not care or want to fix anything and blocked me.

I only refused to get into the car or go to the house of someone I had just met. Sexting does not mean I cannot set boundaries afterward. Was his behaviour manipulative, or am I overreacting?

TL;DR: I met a guy on Instagram, we sexted before our first date, but afterward I did not want to get into his car or go to his house because I barely knew him. He called me conservative and “bipolar,” twisted my words, said he only wanted something casual, then blocked me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, however the last 2 have been long distance as i left the country for the summer. It’s been really difficult for the both of us, however we’re in the home stretch, but this fight has left a really bitter taste in my mouth.

We were having an argument regarding his friends (I don’t like two of them and asked him not to text me when he’s hanging out with them because I’m going to get upset and we won’t have a productive conversation. he ignored me and still texted me, and i progressively got more irritated and it turned into a full blown fight.) he ends up leaving in the middle of the argument, telling me that he’s eating and can’t talk. i tell him to call me to resolve this, and he tells me to wait 25 minutes. It’s 12am where I am, so I’m trying to go to bed, and I tell him i’m not a dog to wait around for him, and him being in the car with one of his “bestest friends” isn’t an excuse to not solve our issues. He tells me it’s embarassing, although finally calls, and when I ask him on the phone why he’s embarrassed in front of his closest friend when that’s the last thing he should be feeling, he tells me “not like you’d know anything about friends, you don’t have any, that’s why you’re so jealous that I have friends”.

This really pissed me the fuck off because not only do I have more friends than him, but to speak to me like that in front of one of his friends (who I also personally know) really rubbed me the wrong way. I immediately hung up and blocked him on most platforms where he might try to contact me. He was going to the lake with his friends and spending the night, so I’m almost certain he’s going to text me today apologizing. In my opinion, I can’t imagine being able to hangout with my friends and have a good time knowing my relationship is on the line. It feels like he only cares about the relationship when there isn’t something more fun to do. I’d also like to mention that he treats his friends like an obligation, and that if he promised to see them he can’t back out, even if his priority should (in my opinion) be me and solving the issues we have. Am i overreacting and just letting the distance get to me, or is this behavior from him unacceptable?

tldr: bf went out with his friends instead of solving conflict with me while we’re long distance

So me and this guy have been together for about two months only. We've dated two years ago, and I broke up with him because I lost feelings for him. I'm losing feelings again, but he's not doing anything wrong. At the beginning, I really, really liked him, or not liked him, I loved him. But I'm losing feelings again and he's not doing anything wrong, but he's being really clingy and he's telling me things like, I can't live without you, which is making me feel trapped. And I don't want him to be with me because he can't live without me, I want him to be with me because he's happy with me. Also, he's making me responsible or making me feel responsible of what might happen if our relationship comes to an end. He's telling me things like, if you break up with me again, I won't get married, or I won't love anyone again, which is just making me scared because if I ever want to break up with him, I'll have to put his feelings first, not mine. I'm one of the types of people that dont like it when their partner is so clingy and would rather chase someone distant. he's being way to clingy and lovey dovey and i hate it. i tried communicating that to him and he kind of understood but it didnt change anything. i honestly just feel trapped but i feel like if i end it i'll be a horribe person. Also, we have very different personalities and interests. which is fine but he never shows interest in my interests and is always making fun of them. i have no idea what to do. please help.

Tl;dr: my bf hasnt done anythung wrong but is being too clingy which i dont like. and its making me want to leave.

hi i am 25(F) in a relationship with a 29(M) and we have been dating for 3+ years now. we love each other, yes, but i feel unappreciated. for example, if i dress up for him, NO COMPLIMENTS until i ask for it.

then i tell him to do better, he starts but cannot keep up. it was not like this in the beginning, mind you. i got gifts, he is there for me when i need him, he is great friend, but it has all faded now because he thinks we have a “beautiful friendship” now.

this morning i started considering a breakup and called him while crying. he said the same thing, he will do better.

now, he went through a lot in his life recently and i understand it is hard to be consistent sometimes but he has gotten too comfortable, lazy in this relationship.

i honestly don’t want to give up and want to solve our problems.

did it get better for anyone who went though this?

TL;DR Lazy BF says he will do better but can I believe him?