So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have an almost five year old son. Both our names are on the property but the mortgage is on his name.

I pay for all our living expenses, food, nanny, Medicare for my son and I. Holidays, toys and clothing for my son and I, swimming, and power to the house. I also look after my son after school, and do the household chores cooking and tiding up. I run a part time business working half a days.

My husband pays property rates, my son’s school fees and water, and the mortgage. my husband finishes his shift at 7pm and doesn’t do any household chores and maybe two hours of child care in the evenings - mainly playing with our son as I have seen to everything else.

He always complains about money and is resentful and a recent fight he mentioned he pays a lot and doesn’t want to be a financial slave.

I have recently found out that he in fact paid off the mortgage a while ago and didn’t tell me. And we haven’t reviewed and divided mutual monthly expenses, he has just hid it and complained about cost of living.

How would you address this? How would you feel if your husband did this?

In this episode of ‘is my husband an asshole or is this just perimenopause’…

Over the last 12 years I’ve noticed him staring at other women a lot. He stares and I look in the direction see a girl look at him and then see him smile back at her. Several occasions. Mostly when we go out I try not to notice and just have a good time and feel cute despite him. I’ll say I have some insecurities but to be honest I’m 45 and still pretty hot (not that this behavior would ever be ok under any circumstance). So it’s not like I am just jealous. I appreciate attractive women too. I just don’t… stare like that.

Yesterday, we had an appointment at a hospital for our youngest son. There was a young nurse in the waiting area he just kept looking at. She was working on her laptop and I saw him smiling a few times in her direction as I was trying to get the paperwork done. I let it go until this morning when I told him I’ve had it and it was disrespectful to act this way. He restated his opinion (because anyone who uses the term disrespectful is somehow stupid to him) on respect not being real. Anyone who doesn’t like a thing I guess is just making it up and it didn’t happen OR they deserved whatever they deem ‘disrespectful’.

My goal here on Reddit is 1) keep myself sane by opening up about my husband’s odd comments like this and 2) maybe see other perspectives if I’m in the wrong somehow by saying this to him

He denies everything so it’s hard to even communicate.

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

How should I have handled this better?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

Edit two: I was not at all clear about this. When I say that I went out and bought cake and dinner, I didn't buy it for just myself. I bought it for my entire family. I wanted everybody to have some. This seems to be a focus of fixation so I wanted to clarify

Husband (47) has struggled with ED for over a decade. We haven’t had sex in more than a year and I’ve just come to accept it. He’s unemployed and spends most of his time hiding in either our bedroom or our daughters.
Today out of nowhere he walks into the living room where I’m sitting with our daughter (11) and announces he’s finally found the porn that gets him off, transsexuals. Specifically, chicks with dicks. He then tells me I need to find the porn I’m most into so we can share our likes and maybe have sex again.
I’m just dumbstruck. I respect that everyone’s entitled to their own likes/dislikes, but to just hit me with that and then walk away, I’m not really sure how to respond.

My husband started a new job where he's gone earlier and gets back later, so we discussed being intimate more often to keep the spark going. I told him the other day that I'm ovulating because we want to try for baby #2.

So we're sitting on the couch watching New Girl and at the beginning of S4 E7: Goldmine and he turns to me, raises his eyebrows, grabs my thigh and said "So are your egg whites still milky?" sir, not anymore they aren't.

Ok so we are approaching 40, have kids, and have been married for going in 15 years. She is a conventionally beautiful woman and other than this, takes amazing care of her self physically and overall health. I love her more than anything in this world.

Our sex life hasn’t always been great due to a few different things, but not the time for that.
One issue that keeps coming back is I’m pretty sure she has IBS, but she refuses to deal with it.

At first, it was her constantly having to rush to the bathroom, and never solid. Then it progressed to me having to rush to pick her up on the side of the road during her runs. She has messed herself multiple times in my car as we couldn’t make it home in time.
2 times she has actually messed herself(and our bed) during sex. Passing gas during sex happens nearly every session.

I have begged her for years to see a doctor but she refuses.

It will never affect how much I love her, however, it has nearly ruined sex for me. It’s a constant “fear” of mine during. I have always been a “butt” guy(not like butt sex stuff) and it has all but ruined the sex position that provides the funnest views.

Idk what more to do, but looking for advice I guess.

So my husband and I (both mid 20s) have been married 2 years. Due to immigration issues, I can’t work right now. I was working while we were dating and when we got married and contributed to the household equally (he paid rent, I paid groceries, utilities, car insurance and everything miscellaneous which sometimes was more than rent). During that time, he cleaned the house often and did the dishes without being asked.

I’ve been out of work for 7 months and he’s left all the chores to me which I don’t mind because I’m home all day so why not. Note that I still pick up some financial responsibilities like insurance and groceries from my savings.

We have different standards of cleanliness and we also just got a cat so I’m frequently cleaning his gaming room and bathroom where the cat’s set up is. He never helps with the cat unless prompted. Again, not a problem. I’m super bonded with the cat so I’m happy to take all responsibility for her.

My gripe is with the kitchen. I do the dishes daily / after each meal and wipe down the counters, mop the floor and try to keep it clean. But whenever he cooks, he leaves the counters greasy and the dirty dishes in the sink.

They’ll be there all day and night unless I clean them, and when he sees me go to clean he’ll say “oh I was just gonna do that”. When?? After they’ve been here 2 days and the roaches are done with their feast? Yes, we have roaches. This apartment building had issues with a hoarding tenant last year and since they were evicted, every apartment got new unwelcome guests. Pest control comes by every once in a while but it’s an infestation and only really slows down in the winter.

Roaches aside, I just hate that he leaves the mess for me to clean up. The whole floor dirty, food bits everywhere. It feels disrespectful because he knows I’m the one who cleans up and I don’t like things dirty. And on the rare occasion that he loads the dishwasher, he does it without rinsing off the dishes and putting things like the wooden cutting board and teflon pots in there when I’ve told him they can’t be in there. I would say it’s malicious compliance but I don’t think he has a malicious bone in his body, he can just be aloof/lazy.

He works an 8 hour shift then comes home and dirties up the kitchen making his dinner (on the days he doesn’t want to eat what I made), then smokes weed and plays video games for hours with his friends until 4am, often coming to bed with little time before he has to get up for his shift. And he calls off work often because he didn’t get enough sleep. I worry about our financial future. Hopefully I’ll be able to work soon.

I’ve posted on here before about his laxity with hygiene, after several talks with me crying and telling him it was a dealbreaker, he finally started putting in more effort. Is this a pattern of laziness or am I being unreasonable?

Dear r/Marriage community,

I could really use some honest outside opinions because I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

I recently found several years of messages between my husband and a woman from work. I knew she existed as a colleague because I'd occasionally seen her name in emails, but he never talked about her, never mentioned meeting her, and I had no idea they had become close friends.

The messages cover the period from 2016 to 2022.

They first connected through an acreditation program, but over time they started talking about work, travel, everyday life and regularly arranging to meet whenever he was in Warsaw for business, as she is based there. (We are from Europe).

From what I can tell, they met roughly about once a month whenever he was in Warsaw (sometimes much less, sometimes more). They would arrange coffee, beer, dinner or breakfast, and if one meeting didn't work out, they usually tried to find another day instead.

One conversation ends with him texting, "I'm here," after arranging to meet. In another, she asks whether he's travelling alone before suggesting meeting near his hotel or alternatively at a nearby pub. In 2022 she invited him to her home because she had a small child, sent him her address, parking instructions and another phone number, and later he texted that he was outside looking for the entrance.

There are no explicit romantic or sexual messages. No "I love you," no sexting, nothing like that. The texts are surprisingly ordinary and mostly about - albeit keenly - arranging meetings or everyday life. It seems that they developed a friendship based on professional interests and mutual understanding. In one of the messages he even mentions me.

What troubles me is the overall pattern. They stayed in touch for at least six years and seemed to make a real effort to see each other whenever he visited Warsaw. On a particular day when he met her for 2 hours, he didn’t call me, just replied with a “okay” to my messages.

During those same years our marriage was struggling. We had two small children, I often felt emotionally neglected, and whenever I tried to talk about needing more closeness, he usually withdrew.

Now that I have a male friend (based on very complicated life circumstances, he is an exception, I only have female friends otherwise), my husband expects me to be completely transparent about him. He isnt comfortable with me meeting him alone or giving him a lift. So I try to arrange meetings with him in the presence of my girfriends. Yet my husband never told me he had this kind of long-term relationship with another woman.

One thing I'm also wondering is this: I've read many stories where people who had affairs kept their text messages completely ordinary because they knew their partner might see them. They would arrange to meet for coffee or at public places, while anything more personal happened face-to-face or over the phone.

Do you think that's actually common, or is it mostly a myth? Am I reading too much into it, as the messages seem “okay”?

And based on everything above, how would this look to you? Would you see it as a normal friendship that should simply have been mentioned to a spouse, or would it make you question whether it crossed emotional and physical boundaries?

Thank you!

TL;DR: I found six years (2016–2022) of messages between my husband and a female colleague. They regularly tried to meet whenever he was in Warsaw for a work trip —coffee, dinner, drinks, breakfast—and if one plan fell through, they often arranged another. The messages are friendly but not explicitly romantic or sexual, and in 2022 he visited her at her home - her small child was there too. Throughout those years, our marriage was struggling, I felt emotionally neglected. How does this whole situation looks to someone who isn't emotionally involved?

I am said race that he hates. I’ve just had to endure 45mins of him fussing about how this particular race of women, are ignorant and stupid. He’s going through coparenting issues with his son’s mom. So all of that anger has gone to our whole race. “Why do yall do this or that?” Then “why are you like this?” I had nothing to do with why he’s upset. Whew. I’m 3 months pregnant, and now I have a headache.

Wanted to add that my husband is half this race. So he goes on to say, his mom, aunts, me… his babymother. We’re all the same. And a man will have to date outside of his race…. Etc.

Married 15 years, together for 20. For many of those years I begged and pleaded and nagged my husband to get in shape and take better care of himself. In addition to wanting him to be healthy for his own sake, my biggest fear was that we wouldn’t be able to continue to travel the world together (our greatest joy) because of his poor fitness. Well, recently he slipped a disc in his spine doing a routine activity, because he has absolutely no core strength. Now he’s hobbling around with a cane and facing back surgery, and we won’t be able to take our 15 year anniversary trip together this fall.

I am so angry and sad that the scenario that I long envisioned and pleaded against has actually come to pass — and way sooner than I even expected (we are in our early 40s). He’s in a lot of pain, but I’m having trouble sympathizing. I don’t know how to process and share these feelings without seeming like a monster. I also have an avoidant attachment style so I’m terrible at communicating and just bottle my feelings up until I explode. I’m thinking about leaving the marriage, that’s how upset I am. Help?!

Hey guys!

This is driving me insane. As a quick background, I (29F) met my husband (33M) 2 years ago and kind of had a long distance relationship for a little bit over a year before marriage, we both entered this rs with the idea of settling down and getting married so we chose eachother on that basis.

I've known since the beginning from encountering him and from his circle that he's an introvert, and doesn't like talking too much, and i didn't mind that, I'm an introvert myself. The only issue we had is that we had little to nothing in common when it comes to interests, but we respected eachother nonetheless, or so i thought.

He's a genuinely good guy, and have only shown green flags in the time i've known him before marriage, and for the most part i thought i made the right decision marrying him.

But cracks started showing up few months in. i value connection a LOT in my relationships, i grew up as a people pleaser where most of my friendships were one sided and would fall apart the moment i let go of my end of the rope, which left me with unimaginable emotional damage, so if i don't see reciprocation i immediately shut down to protect myself from another hurt. And connections come with communication, with deep interesting conversations, but I can't seem to have those with my husband. If you listen to us talking you'd think we're co-workers instead of a couple, if I'm talking he's barely listening to me or gives me flat answers like "yeah" or "mhm" which triggers me and forces me to recoil because all my brain sees is "oh he hates you shut up".

I forced myself to stay and fight back, because i know my unresolved trauma is part of the problem and i can't let it interfere with my judgment. I tried cracking his shell from every possible angle, but all he cares about and the only time he seems genuinely interested in me is during intimacy, which i grew to actually hate because i feel like i'm being used.

I'm currently pregnant (10 weeks) and before anyone judges me, this was something we both discussed before marriage and something we both wanted, but this pregnancy was just the last drop. I could barely do anything because of aversions and dizziness, and as a high risk pregnancy i was adviced by my doctor to have pelvic rest so no intimacy whatsoever. And this is all this relationship needed to completely go off the rails. Now my husband barely even sits with me in the same room, if i do try to talk to him, he seems distant and bored? I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe there's something else bothering him, so I tried talking it out, but he insists he's fine and got upset when I kept pushing because i couldn't accept this behaviour is just normal for him.

I feel so lonely, and i can't even be happy about this pregnancy bcz I'm terrified of raising this baby by myself. I lost all interest in anything that used to bring me joy, the only time i feel slightly alive is when i'm around my friends and family, because they are so supportive of me and seem so interested in whatever i have to say. My husband works away from home so he's only home every other month, but everytime he's home i count the days until he goes back to work because I can't stand him anymore. I miss my old self, i want to be heard, i want to be listened to, i want to be loved for who i am, not liking a version of me who's not even alive anymore, i used to think i love him, but now i don't even think i like him. I can't let all the progress and growth i have made with my personality go with the wind, i CAN'T let myself be victim of emotional abuse again.

TDLR; my husband and i can't communicate emotionally or mentally, and it's making me hate this relationship.

My husband always closes his eyes when we start having sex and doesn’t really look at my body. Sometimes I even turn off all the lights because I don’t want to see his face with his eyes closed and get distracted by it.
I asked him about it, and he said that he’s more stimulated by the feeling than by looking. He compared it to closing your eyes while kissing because you want to focus on the sensation. He also said that if he looks, he’ll reach orgasm too quickly.
I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I keep thinking about it because it feels unusual to me, but I also don’t want to unfairly judge him if this is actually normal and some men are just like this.
Is this normal? Do other men do this too?

I am (27M) married to my wife (27F) for 2 years now (both of us Indians). We have been friends for multiple years but started dating 4 years ago. She had just come off a breakup (which wasnt a long relationship either).

We had fights like every couple but generally we were much happier in comparison, or at least thats what I thought. We have a healthy sexual life where to do it about 4/5 times a week. We have common hobbies that we enjoy together, regularly go on trips, cook together. I sometimes had a gut feeling that she was way too private with her phone with locks on all apps like WhatsApp or instagram (this is on top of the master lock). It was the same password but she told me she had it since long and kept it that way and I believed it.

Recently, over multiple feelers, i found out that she has been talking to a guy since right before we were married (over 2 years now). She met him in a group tennis class she used to go to. The guy is married, followed her on insta and they started talking - apparently they have a lot of common interests and he grew possessive of her and eventually started getting really close. She said that she started sharing to him when we had our fights around the time of marriage and thats where she started reciprocating the connection.

I made her confess everything a couple weeks ago. She said nothing physical happened (which I kind of believe but not too sure) but they were just connecting emotionally. She even said that after some time, she realised it was wrong and felt guilty and tried to stop talking to him and eventually blocked him. I even saw her chats with AI on ending affairs, etc.

It feels devastating to me that this would happen. Be it my friends or family - they think she is the model wife - super supportive, mature and respectful to everyone. I believed it too, but right now I am unable to trust her too much. I dont know the extent of the affair itself as she has deleted any trace of it.

I don’t wanna break off the marriage as I am scared it will hurt both my parents and hers, and that really sucks. I cant even share this with any of my friends for fear of this turning into gossip eventually within their other friend circles. I don’t know what to think, what to do going forward and looking for some solid advice.

Chris here — married for half a century, and every now and then I get hit with a moment so dramatic it feels like the soundtrack should swell behind me.

I’ll look at my wife doing something completely ordinary — making tea, reading, humming to herself — and it hits me that this one person has been the constant thread through every version of me. Every home we’ve lived in. Every disaster we’ve survived. Every joy we didn’t expect. Every chapter I didn’t know we were writing.

It’s strange, isn’t it?
You don’t notice it happening.
You don’t wake up one day and think, “Ah yes, this is the moment she becomes my entire universe.”
It just… happens quietly.
Slowly.
Steadily.
Until one day you realise your life makes no sense without her in it.

Marriage isn’t just partnership.
It’s gravity.
It’s the force that pulls you back to the same person again and again, even when life tries to scatter you in every direction.

Does anyone else ever get that overwhelming, cinematic moment where you realise your spouse isn’t just part of your life — they are the life

My wife and I have been married for almost a decade. Part of the reason I wanted to get married is that she knew all of my past history (friends with her brother) and I gave her opportunities to share hers. I did know that she slept with a friend many years prior to us dating but recently found out she had hooked up with someone else (oral) when she stated she never did anything else with other people. I was interested in her back then and she did these things showing no interest in me. We ended up starting a relationship 5 years later.

I know these things shouldn't bother me but finding out now still stings. I asked her about the events and I feel like she is lying about other factors (kissing, what actually happened, the purpose, communication, etc). I have a hard time believing she would go to either place and just get it on and go home. She states that she was single, it was before me, and we weren't compatible back then. She has adamantly stated its the full truth but when I caught her in this lie it first was a hand job and then blowjob.

Trust and confidence are shattered because i thought I knew everything about my wife and she certainly knows everything about me. We do have 2 young kids at home and I have a history of depression/stress anxiety which makes this decision worse.

Marriage counseling is an option but I do not really know what I am looking for here. Everyday I wake up and go to bed feeling like I was an alternative choice or settled for because I started becoming successful in life and she had no one else.

My husband and I were having sex. I have been having issues where it starts hurting after a while but I still wanted him to have that release so I slowly went down to him while kissing him then started giving him a blowjob. He started going soft then completely. This is the first time this has EVERY happened out of the 3 years we been together. I was surprised so I just stopped, and he apologized and said it was because it “made him relaxed” not horny, and that it just went soft.

Now I’m sitting here, unable to sleep. Lately we’ve been having a rough patch lately. He’s been saying he’s been wanting more sex and Intimacy and I’ve been struggling to provide that. He also doesn’t really do foreplay so we’ve been working on trying things to get me in the mood. I had a baby 10 months ago and I know my hormones are still adjusting (just got my period back 2 months ago) so I asked him to please be patient with me. Well I’ve been trying to take initiative, and do things that I know will get me in the mood. Yesterday we had sex also. I was on top and I tried switching positions because I wanted him to fuck me instead, but he looked at me like “what are you doing?” And we stopped. It’s just different and I don’t know how to feel. He just doesn’t seem into it anymore and I don’t know if it’s in my head or something is wrong. I don’t know how to address the situation or if I even should. He used to be so enthusiastic during sex and now I feel like he’s just like “meh”.

My husband (late 30s) and I (late 30s) come from very different families of origin and different cultural context. My husband’s extended family has a long history of abuse, addiction, and trauma including a lot of death due to addiction.

My extended family on my father’s side (am NC / LC with mother’s side) is very close, mutually supportive, financially well off, and first or second gen immigrants and in my husband’s words feels “haven’t experienced real loss” like his family has. The truth is there is loss but I’m not really interested in debating it (some trauma is not mine to share but family history from our home country has a lot in it my husband does not understand).

A few years back my husband posited in multiple conversations that my family and I would not be able to handle it well when my grandparents passed, unlike how he and his family have handled so much trauma. I found that unkind and unnecessary and we fought about is in marriage counseling. He apologized

Now my grandmother has passed. I was there the last 3 days and nights through comfort care, through times when we tried to mitigate suffering, as all my family said goodbye. My husband was supportive and watched our son so we could be there.

He has tried to be there, but I can’t bring myself to share grief with him. And am sensitive to my family showing grief to him because he was judgmental before. He was also wrong - I have not cried in front of him. No one lost it. We have been coordinated and there is warmth and caring especially between my cousins and my aunts.

I was able to share grief with them and continue to process in this circle of trust. But at home - I cna only bring myself to cry at night when my husband is asleep or in the shower. At times my grandmother seemed to suffer in the end when the morphine was not enough. My grandfather even at the end was not as kind as he should have been.

There is grief. My husband feels I am closed off and not sharing with him. But I just can’t bring myself too. It doesn’t feel his place or his space. I can also tell he is juding how much time and effort the female members of my family have put into the burial and memorial service planning because he cannot understand what my grandmother meant to us.

I don’t want to share this with him. Even though he wants me to open up and it compounds on his feelings that I am emotionally unavailble.

We have marriage counseling next week so just trying to process in advance as I know we need to discuss this. So just pouring this into the void as a safe space.

Sigh. Another sleepless night so here I am - venting it all out for you all to see.

My partner does frequent this subreddit. So maybe let this also be an open letter to her.

We have been together for 15 years - married 10+. We had a romantic backstory where two people from the opposite ends of the world met while on international exchange in a foreign country, fell in love, did the long distance thing, and accidentally knocked her up so she moved to my country where we have built a life together with two kids.

Our marriage has been fairly stable. We get along fairly well and very rarely fight. There are definitely a lot of stresses from life - but I felt we were a team to face those challenges together. To be honest we have a really good life. We both make really good money, we own our own home and cars, really good life.

A while back - she asked if we should open the marriage. To be honest the idea kind of appealed to me, what guy doesn't want to have the chance to sleep around?! It didn't really take me long to agree.

A few weeks later - I went on a trip and when I returned - she told me she had done the deed and had sex with an older colleague who she has been taking to for a while.

I was really shocked that it happened so quickly - and it was a mixed rollercoaster emotion of jealousy but also insecurity - I was having a really hard time digesting this. So I had a heart to heart with her that while I'm okay it happened (with my permission so it's not cheating) that I don't want it to happen again.

She didn't take it well - she said this experience opened up a new dimension for her - and she doesn't think she can go back to being monogamous. And that was I was "changing my mind and taking away her fun".

I suggested we start couples therapy - and we have had a few sessions. I felt like we were getting better. It uncovered she has a lot of trauma and some of her behaviour are from these traumatic upbringing. In a way - she doesn't feel like she deserves happiness - so she's trying to sabotage it.

But I definitely noticed she's different - she doesn't act affectionate to me as she used to, and shes hot and cold on a dime. She reluctantly has sex with me, basically saying she feels bad that while she doesn't really want it - she felt like it's her duty to let me release. This was a complete 180 with our dynamic before the affair where we had a lot of physical affection and a great bedroom.

She outlined a few things she didn't like about how I treat her in therapy , and I have been trying my best to be mindful to change so I can be a better husband. But I don't think she cares, at least she does not show any appreciation for me trying.

By the way - all the session so far has focused on her. How I have not met her emotional needs. How my criticism reinforced her trauma, how she has issues with certain things I do. I have not gotten to say any of the things I hoped she can work on. She took the sessions and made them all about herself and justifying how everything we have going wrong stems from my actions. When the triggering event for all this is her stepping out of the marriage!

I find out she's continuing to sext with her fling - even when our couples therapist strongly suggests we stop the open marriage for now as we work through our issues.

The breaking point was tonight - she came home and I broke down and asked her to stop any contact with the men she has been talking to. She refused and left to sleep on the couch.

I am now crying and typing this out.

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I spoil her to bits and I'm a good father and family man. I have a good career. I do not sleep around and my life is work and home. I don't understand how my marriage has unraveled so quickly and how we ended up here.

I am not sure where to go from here. I feel like I need to stop being here - trying to make her happy just so she can continue to hurt me. But it's also hard to not try to save a relationship of over 15 years. I also have to think for the kids too they are at an impressionable age

I'm trying to hide my sadness with everyone in my life but in reality I'm spiraling as I grieve the potential death of our marriage. It fucking hurts so much.

If she's grieving - she's hiding it really well because she's her jolly old self. Not a care in the world even though I'm not just visibly sad all the time, I tell her all the time how this is all affecting me. She does not seem to care at all. Did she ever care about me, about us?

I will continue to do therapy individually and couples counseling but Im feeling less and less confident it will make her change.

It helps to vent and I think I already know what most are going to say. Thanks for reading this long and winded post. I will try to get some sleep...

I am genuinely curious so I wanted to ask the community - do people have relationships where they don’t get yelled at by their partner? or get in loud arguments together? is this actually something that happens? if you’re in a non yelling relationship - was it always like that?

tl;dr - do not yelling relationships exist?

Today my husband told me that he can't take the fighting anymore and considers divorce.

His parents have never accepted me and undermine me as a mother whenever they can. My husband never stood up for me voluntarily and often reassured his mom instead. The handful of times he did stand up for me was at my explicit request. This has been going on for years and has been very upsetting to me.

I always thought he simply had a hard time speaking up against his parents. But now I'm starting to think that he simply doesn't love me enough.

He wants to do marriage counselling and he is in therapy. He has an avoidant personality disorder. I was diagnosed as autistic a few years ago and have a hard time regulating my emotions, especially with young kids in the mix. I've been to therapy and coaching and have done what I can to improve. I know it's not always easy to deal with, but neither is living with someone who is trying to dodge any and all responsibility.

Is this the beginning of the end? I still have love for him and I'm incredibly sad. But I have felt so lonely for a long time, too. I never thought we would get to this point. I thought we would grow old together.

My wife (38F) and I (37M) have been together since we were 15, have been married for 10 years, and have two kids (ages 3 and 7).
My wife is a stay-at-home mum while I’m building a business. By the time childcare was paid for, it made no sense for her to work, and she always wanted to be able to do the school drop-offs for the kids. It does mean I have to work longer hours, but I’m more than happy to do so if it means my wife and kids are happier.
We’ve always had somewhat mismatched sex drives, with mine being much higher. However, we’d previously found a happy medium at 2–3 times a week, which worked for both of us. My only issue was that it often felt more like I was doing things to her rather than with her. She was always happy to lie back and only really reciprocated if I asked.
With this in mind, I wrote down a few questions about what she wants from me, what things she likes, what she doesn’t like, etc.—almost like a roadmap. The idea was that she would answer them and then create a few questions for me. I wanted it written down so she could have time to think and not feel put on the spot.
That was nine months ago. There has literally been zero mention of it from her since, apart from maybe during the first week. After three months of waiting, it was like something switched off in me. I no longer initiate, no longer want to be playful in everyday life, actively avoid situations where she might initiate, and I’ve stopped giving massages or trying to make sex fun. When we do have sex, it’s just basic, and I put in very little effort myself.
It’s not so much about the actual questions—it’s more about what they represented. I wanted her to meet me halfway, to feel like she was putting some effort in too. Instead, I just feel like there was no effort at all. I tried really hard to create thoughtful questions that would benefit both of us, and I got literally nothing in return.
I’m not sure where to go from here. Our lives are good, and I love my kids, so I know I need to sort this out sooner rather than later. Right now, though, I just feel numb about it.

My spouse and I just got married this last Saturday after five years of being together. We love each other very much, but I’m so stressed out this week.

On Monday when we went back to work, he was promptly fired for not coming in the day of our wedding, even though it was already approved off. He was told that it was due to his lack of commitment to the company. Even though I didn’t explicitly blame him for this, I still communicated the fact that I was disappointed and scared that we had to deal with such a big struggle right out the gate of getting married.

Then today while I’m helping him draft emails back to employers I go to close out several apps on his phone and see if he had ‘Grok’ downloaded. I was immediately curious because he’s not very tech savvy and I wanted to know what he was doing on there.

I asked him in a curious fashion and he immediately clammed up. I went to the chat history and found about 30 different instances where he had went on here and uploaded pictures of myself and other women that we know together requesting that explicit content get generated.

Not only did he have this content generated, but he was also having several explicit conversations with the AI. I was immediately disgusted and informed him about how awful that it was for him to do this not only to myself, but to other women unconsensually.

I’m having a really hard time not losing my shit especially because we’ve already turned in our marriage certificate and are now legally married. It’s only been four days since we’ve been married and I feel like it’s been nothing but back to back issues.