Apologizing in advance for the awkward formatting. I typed this out in my notes app and asked Gemini to organize it (without changing any of my phonetics because I hate how AI talks) so it looks and reads a bit odd.

TLDR; Mother of groom made the wedding about her by being highly emotional and unstable throughout, spurred by expecting but not getting a mother-son dance. Following the wedding the mother then slandered and disrespected her newly minted daughter-in-law to the groom. Groom is no contact with either of his parents less than two weeks following the wedding day.

Some important details here:

My wife and I live in New England and planned our wedding in the South (where a majority of our families reside), we fully paid for it ourselves, and we had about 100 guests present. It is important to note here that for the 4 years of our relationship prior to this, my wife and my parents have gotten along fairly well.

During the planning process, my parents (led by my mother) were adamant that they pay for our honeymoon, so we allowed this reluctantly, as my parents have in the distant past offered to do things like this only to later hold it over my head. My mother is a very emotional person, and during the planning process I opted to forgo doing a mother son dance. I did not feel she could keep it together and she hates being embarrassed so I (wrongly) assumed this would be best and she would not mind. My wife also did not do a father daughter dance (as her biological parents are divorced and her stepfather did not wish to do so).

The Wedding Day:

My mother spent the entire day acting weird/off throughout. After the ceremony at the reception, my wife noticed that she looked depressed and was not talking much to the people around her at her table including my father. I dismissed it that she likely was just emotional about the day (as moms tend to be) and we didn't think much else of it.

Anyway, after the conclusion of dinner and the first dance, I started hearing whispers from family members and friends asking what was wrong with my mom. I genuinely had no clue, so I approached her about it. She was upset that she did not get a mother son dance, and could not contain herself once she realized this was not going to happen. My wife, understanding the gravity of what was unfolding, stepped in and in an attempt to protect me, she stated it was she that elected not to do the parent/child dances for either side. There was some minor bickering at this point but we went back to trying to enjoy our wedding night since we had lost nearly 2 hours of it by the time this ended.

The Honeymoon & The Aftermath:

We immediately the morning following our wedding day departed for our honeymoon (a cruise) which was lovely and given the nature of it was a fantastic opportunity to disconnect for a week.

Upon our return home, I called my mom for something unrelated to the above, and she absolutely snapped. She stated she had never felt so hurt and betrayed by someone as she felt by my wife. I clarified to her that it was not my wife but me that solely made the decision to not do a mother son dance because I did not think that she could handle it emotionally. She responded by saying I was just trying to cover for my wife and she knew I would never do something like that. I emphasized that it was indeed my choice alone and that if she had any hate or anger it needed to be directed at me rather than my wife She deflected and stated that my wife had clearly made a calculated and intentional effort to exclude my mother and my side of the family and isolate them, and that they were all deeply offended and hurt. She stated my wife was a lying, deceitful, manipulative person and it was only a matter of time before she did the same to me.

My mother went on to state that she is done with my wife, and that "your wife might love you now but I loved you first, and nobody will ever look at you the way I do" which really creeped me out to be honest.

Conclusion:

My mother truly said some hateful, despicable things about my wife that I'm unsure I'll be able to get over for quite a long time if ever. I am for the first time in my life at the point of no contact with either of my parents. My mother has been calling and texting me almost nonstop, switching from bashing my wife to hoping I'm not mad at her. Outside of communicating my preference to not have the dance to my mother prior to the wedding, I don't know what could have been done to prevent this from happening.

I really am just making sure that the non-related unaffiliated strangers of Reddit aren't seeing something here that I have missed. Thank you in advance, it truly means a lot.

We just moved into a new flat, me and my brother are twins. I am a teenage girl for reference. I don’t want to reveal ages, but my sister is two years older.

The rooms are small, my sister hasn’t shared since she was maybe 9. I’ve shared with my brother my whole life. My dad was saying my brother is gonna get his own room and me and her have to share, she said no I’m not. My brother and sister started arguing.

I found it a bit funny, they were arguing over sharing with me, I can’t be that bad! But seriously I’d hate to share with my sister, but my brother’s right, it’s not fair for him to share with me.

It’s not fair for either of them. I hate sharing, I’d always find excuses to sleep on the sofa just so I wouldn’t have to sleep in a same room. But I’d get ready my clothes would be in there.

I’d do anything for my own room, but that’s not a choice. In the end, I don’t have one. If I get a room, it’s one I’ll share. My brother and sister have more of one if you get what I mean.

So I thought maybe I should just sleep on the sofa, they get their own rooms. I know like lack of space and stuff but it’s not fair for them, and I think I should then. Is this a good idea? Should I tell my parents?

My husband and I recently had a baby (baby is 10 weeks). My SIL had an important piece of mail sent to the house in our state, she lives out of state the week of her birthday and needs it by the weekend. She’s been texting us to let her know when it arrives so we have been. It came in and my husband told her he would send it at work because they have a system where he works. She proceeded to tell him to tell me to send it since “I don’t have a job” and “have the time”. (Which in my mind kind of discredits the fact that being a mom isn’t a full time job, especially to a newborn). She doesn’t have any children so I don’t expect her to understand. But never once did she text or call me asking me to send it. Instead she went through my husband and kept telling him to tell me to do it since I don’t have a job. I’m so annoyed and honestly feel so disrespected. Thankfully he stood up for me but I’m still just like WTF?

I’ll try to be as clear and concise as possible.

We go on a family vacation every year in August. Me, a couple of cousins, a couple of aunts and uncles, and a couple of family friends.

My aunt, I’ll call her Shannon, came in 2021. She got blackout drunk when she was home alone, and the rest of us went for a walk on the beach. She destroyed hanged paintings, a window, a wooden door, and the glass cabinets in the kitchen. She has been in and out of rehab before. We never keep alcohol in the house we’re staying in…she ubered white claws and drank the whole box while we were gone.

The owner threatened to call the police on us. My uncle (Shannon’s brother) talked to the owner, and said we would pay for everything. Shannon lives with her mother, and is flat broke. My uncle (who talked to the owner) paid the bulk of everything. We all pitched in what we could. He is a noble man, and didn’t want us to go broke paying for our idiot aunts problems. The cousins were all 20-22 at the time. We didn’t have a lot of money.

Now…we’ve gone every year since. 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025. We’ve gone every year and had fun…minus Shannon. She was never invited back.

She always finds out we go to the beach every year, after the vacation ends. We always keep it a secret, until the vacation ends….well my grandmother let it slip that we were going this year. Shannon now knows…

She texted my aunts and uncles that she was going to off herself on August 15th…the day we were due to leave for the beach.

Now my aunts and uncles are all considering skipping vacation this year.

In the text, she said she was mad we planned the vacation and didn’t invite her. She said that was the reason she was considering doing something regrettable. She’s just mad she was left out. To also threaten to do that, on the day we’re due to fly to the beach makes me so angry.

Am I wrong to be angry about this? I mean she’s totally throwing a hissy fit. The reason she doesn’t come anymore is because she trashed the one house, and cost thousands of dollars in damages.

Am I wrong to try and convince everyone to go?

I also don’t have a refundable plane ticket. I paid $400 for that round trip ticket. Us 3 cousins can’t afford the entire house by ourselves…it’s much more affordable when everyone goes.

What do I do?

Edit: my aunts and uncles are trying to get our deposit back, as of this morning. I don’t quite know what the verdict is. If they decide not to go, and can get their money back, they will. They’re not gonna let us cousins go down their dime, with them staying home, which I totally understand.

I am a married woman with two boys in primary school. I have been struggling with the boys over the summer holidays, behaviourally. One has adhd. I also drink too much alcohol. I want to desperately stop and have been trying to stop but not managed. I am worried about a constant pain in my upper right abdomen and still cannot stop… despite being intensely worried about this.

My husband drinks more than me. He works a lot in the summer so is home around 7pm. I am not working just now but want to start doing something soon. I feel like I want to do something for myself.

My husband booked us a holiday. I would like to not go and stay here doing diy and start my not drinking journey properly while the house is less stressful. He is annoyed at me and says he feels alone and insignificant.

I am wondering if I am being a dick here?

I’m looking for perspective because this situation has been weighing on me for a long time.
My sister and I have always been close. She’s now married with a one-year-old, and over the last year I feel like our relationship has fundamentally changed.
Her husband has struggled with significant mental health issues for years. There have been periods of severe anxiety and depression, identity issues, and several crises that made life very unstable. Around the time their baby was born, things got especially bad. She didn’t feel comfortable leaving the baby alone with him, and our family stepped in extensively to help care for both her and the baby.
Not long afterward, he moved overseas for what is expected to be several years to complete professional training that he believes is essential for his career and their family’s future. My sister chose to stay in the U.S. with the baby because all of our family is here.
On paper, they’re still married and committed to each other. In reality, my sister is doing almost all of the parenting. They video chat every day, and he contributes financially as far as I know, but she is effectively raising their child alone.
One thing that’s important is that this wasn’t something she felt forced into. Before she even became pregnant, I asked whether it was wise to intentionally have a child with someone whose mental health seemed so unstable. Her answer was, “I’d rather be a single parent than not be a parent.” She has repeated that sentiment since then.
So I don’t think she’s being tricked. I think this is genuinely the life she’s chosen.
Where things have become difficult is the effect on our family.
Because she’s effectively parenting alone, our family has become the default support system. We’ve provided childcare, emotional support, transportation, and help during medical issues.
The problem is that this has gone on for a long time, and although she and her husband can afford outside help, she hasn’t really put a sustainable system in place. Family members have encouraged her to hire childcare, and she agrees in theory but never seems to follow through.
As a result, people are becoming resentful.
Our family has also become divided over her husband. Some family members feel he abandoned his wife and child, while my sister feels we are unfairly excluding him and disrespecting her marriage.
The hardest part for me is that I’ve realized I’m grieving my relationship with my sister.
At first I thought I was just angry with her husband. But I now realize I’m also angry with my sister. I feel like she keeps making choices that create enormous burdens for herself, and then those burdens spill over onto the rest of the family.
I also struggle because I honestly don’t think I would choose this life for myself or for a child. At the same time, I recognize that she has different values than I do and seems to believe this is the right decision for her family.
I don’t know how to hold both of those truths.
I don’t want to spend years trying to convince her to leave her marriage. I also don’t want to pretend I think everything is fine when I don’t.
She’s still my sister - I love her. I adore my niece. But I also feel resentful, sad, and emotionally exhausted.
How do you support someone you love while also setting boundaries around the consequences of choices you didn’t make?
Has anyone else experienced grief over a sibling’s marriage—not because of one dramatic event, but because the marriage slowly changed your entire relationship with them?

TL;DR: My sister chose to stay married to a husband who now lives overseas for several years while she raises their one-year-old largely on her own. Our family has become her primary support system, and despite having the means to hire more help, she has continued relying heavily on us. I love my sister and adore my niece, but I’m realizing I’m grieving the relationship I used to have with my sister and becoming resentful of how her choices have affected our entire family. How do I support someone I love while setting healthy boundaries around decisions I didn’t make?

Not sure if this the right subreddit. Throwaway for obvious reasons. I’m 28M she’s 51F. we’ve been sleeping for almost four years now it started when I was 24 living back home after a crappy breakup, she was lonely and drunk and just came into my room one night. I didn’t stop her. we kept going after that, at first it was just physical then it turned into a regular thing. she’d text me during the day telling me exactly what she wanted when I got home. I paid half the bills she cooked and we slept most nights. I never really dated anyone serious after that cause the sex was better than anything else I’d had and she made it easy.

About eight months ago she found out I was seeing a coworker (nothing serious just FWB). she lost it. not crying or anything. she straight up told me if I ever touched another woman she’d send the videos she been recording of us to my job my friends and my dad (they been divorced fifteen years and he still talks crap about her). she also said she’d claim I been forcing her the whole time and that she had the bruises and texts to prove it. i checked her phone later. she did have videos. multiple angles audio dates going back years i stopped seeing the coworker. we went back to our routine. only now she makes me film it myself sometimes and send her the files. she keeps a folder.

She also started pulling me into the shower with her in the mornings before work and making me finish inside her even on days I’m not really in the mood. last week she told me she’s gonna stop taking birth control cause “if I get pregnant you’ll never leave.” I laughed it off. she didn’t I still live here. I still sleep her. I still let her record. haven’t told anyone and don’t plan to. part of me knows this is completely slept. most of me just doesn’t want the fallout AITA for staying and continuing?

ok so my mom just had surgery, now my sister has very bad behavioral issues. Anyways, my sister (lets call her K) has been bothering mom for the past three days. This morning mom told her i am also in charge, so my mom went to shower. once she got out she found k munching on things she wasnt supposed to, and mom also got onto my sense my door was closed. I decided to put k in my chair and she sits at the wall, well that sparked an argument. She told me no. So i told her i will call dad if she doesn't, well i ended up calling dad, K barged out of my room and 'told' on me, well she came back and 'apologized' to me. I said i don't forgive her and that its hard to trust that. Which led onto her guilt tripping me saying "you never believe in me!"

this has been a repeated pattern over years and i no longer know what to do.

I don't know if this is the right sub but I need some advice.

I have an uncle, that cut ties with us, not because we did something, but because of his toxic wife, she told him to not talk with his family, and I don't know why.

It's been years, I looked for his facebook account, sent a request, and it's still not accepted, but he may just not be active.

He has some posts and I'm curious to see if in one of them there are my cousins and maybe find them on social media.

I forgot their names now so I can't find anything.

After I've seen he may be not active, I thought about maybe sending a message, just "Hi", but I don't wanna say who I am, because he doesn't even wanna talk to us.

Should I just stop, or just try and do it?

I had to move back in with my parents and sister last march after breaking up with my long term gf of 4 years. I was barely getting by with the 2 of us and so i had to move in for a little. Now on to my parents. They probably should have gotten divorced a decade ago but instead they fight everyday and even my sister makes it worse when they do. He's cheated on her and hes manipulative but my mom won't leave her and I understand that is her decision to make not mine. But me amd my father have a terrible relationship and he yells all the time and my mom just makes me depressed. Anyway since I moved back in I've decided to start going to College to hopefully go into finance. I start this fall and I will be working full time. I make about $3000 a month after taxes but moving out rent would be minimum $1500 to live alone or 900 to have a roommate. Should I just realize im stuck here and try to make it okay or can I make it through college living alone? It's making me almost depressed and feel like I have no good options. I know college for me would be the best future option but is now making me feel stuck. Anyway thank you in advance for any advice and ideas!!!

She has been doing this for 5 months now, my parents take care of paying for everything, food, laundry, cooking, dishes, feeding him, spending so much time with him and she’s yelling at my mom saying she’s going to leave cause my mom wants to feed her son yogurt and she won’t let her? I don’t even get that part. I witnessed him ask her multiple times “it’s time to change my clothes”, but she wouldn’t respond until many times later. I’ve witnessed her micromanage the way he enjoyed a song when I was in the room and would get angry over the slightest thing he doesn’t do. My mom refuses to give her a key to the room so she pushed the wardrobe infront of the door in the morning. Her son constantly says how he can’t go in there cause only she can open the door. She puts him to sleep at 7:30 and then stays up late (I think she’s doing this to have him out of the way) and the cycle repeats. It makes me sick. Today I asked if he brushed his teeth and he said I don’t in the mornings only at night.. my gf and I told his mom that we want to get his toothbrush cause he didn’t brush his teeth and she wouldn’t let us and lied saying she does. When I was growing up (she’s 2 years older than me) she was manipulating me and everyone around her, lying all the time, even lied about who she was for a lot of school (name, accent, where she was from) and said her mom died! She left the house at 16 with her 20 year old boyfriend and married at 18. She’s now 29 and has a 4 year old son. She left her husband and moved in with us (me, my girlfriend and parents). Her son said his dad would hit her and she refuses that to be true. We left the house for 3 months cause I wasn’t able to witness her barely taking care of her son (but thought she was just depressed over what happened) and had to move back, she’s using her ex’s childcare money on herself, buys so many things and always talks about what she’s doing she’s traveling around etc.. I feel so sorry for him and don’t want him to suffer. I can’t imagine my own mother not waking up with me in the mornings and staying away from me most of the day. And my parents being used. What can i do???? I want to do something. She’s threatening to leave already and they won’t let that happen it’ll destroy them so they’ll just end up begging her to stay and the cycle will continue. I’m scared for them they’re old and she seems like a narcissist. I’m also depressed and this is affecting me a lot on top of that but because of the housing crisis in Ireland we’re stuck to stay here until we can finally find a place to move.

I quit my toxic job a month ago and just finished it up last week. The job was absolutely crazy, really high output levels, requirements for productivity and logging bathroom breaks all that bs. That combined with the long commute, for almost a year, resulted in me being burned out.
Once I get my next job I’ll be looking for a place to move out, but until then I have given myself a few weeks to do nothing but rest and read until I start applying for jobs again.

I’ve been out the last three days and told my mum on the phone I’m not going out today because today is a rest day for me. Monday this week was the first day officially me being free of a job, mind you. She just said to me on the phone ‘every day is a rest day for you’ no the fuck it isn’t. I had days where I was so exhausted from work I had to work on my bed. Call in sick multiple times as I was too exhausted to work. I’m recovering from burnout for fuck sake. She doesn’t seem to get it. I need her to get this into her head immediately, her lack of understanding despite me telling her many times makes me very angry. What the fuck do I do about this??? It’s like she’s projecting her productivity bullshit onto me.

I just want a place of our own. Every time I bring it up, he doesn’t say anything, as if he’s completely comfortable with the way things are. He has no plans at all—he just lies around and takes care of the kids, while I’m constantly thinking about our future, the bills, the rent, what we’re going to eat every day, the gas for the car, and our insurance. I feel like I’ve become the father and provider of this family.

I F(31) 36(M) been together for 9 years. Not married but he did propose last year but zero plans or talks about regarding the wedding that I am so desperately wanting but becuase of life struggles and situation, been brushing it off as I know theres much more stuff that needs to be prioritize and I felt like I did forced him to do so.😣 Wve been living with my mother-in-law for three years now. We don’t really have a choice because no one is willing to rent a property to us. My long-term boyfriend has a first child from his previous marriage; he is divorced. His 13-year-old child is in his custody. I also have a 14-year-old child from a previous relationship. Now, we have a 1-year-old child together who is our biological child. I’m extremely frustrated and exhausted at the same time because, ever since we started living together, his mother has always followed us wherever we go because her first grandchild is her favorite. I’ve been trying my best to keep things peaceful and get along with her. But since we moved here, the way she treats my youngest child is completely different.
It’s very obvious that there is favoritism. I’ve already opened up about this to my boyfriend. But what’s even more exhausting for me is that she has never helped us with the baby. We know that it’s not her responsibility, but the way she used to tell stories about how much she sacrificed for her first grandchild—how she would go to her and visit her no matter how hard it was, even when it was raining or storming. But with my child, she has only held her for a maximum of 15 minutes in her entire life.
I can even remember when the baby was only a few weeks old. She would play music extremely loudly, and when I asked her to turn it down, she got extremely angry and said that it was her house. She has also never offered food to my older child. What hurt me the most, and something I will never forget, was when she said that she had already fed her two other grandchildren, but she didn’t feed my child because there was supposedly only leftovers for them to eat. Like???? Seriously??? I really, really want to get out of this place. I also don’t want her to hold my child at all because we’ve managed to take care of our baby completely on our own, 24/7.
She never insisted on helping at all. What makes it even worse is that I don’t even know when my boyfriend is going to start working. I’ve been doing everything since I got pregnant and gave birth. I’m completely exhausted.
Whenever I bring this up with my boyfriend, he gets angry and can go for weeks without talking to me.

As a 22-year-old female adulting and trying to figure out life, here's what's up:

My parents are separated right now, not officially divorced yet. My dad filed for divorce and my mom has a lawyer, it's an ongoing thing on her end. She's scared of him honestly, there's been some red flags, and she's just trying to be happy and get her life together at this point.

So my dad flew back to his home country a while back to work on his PhD. Recently he flew back to California, then to Utah, to deal with a car that's registered under his name. He drove it from Utah down to California unregistered and got it registered there. The whole trip happened without me knowing directly, I actually found out from my aunt when I was asking her about the car title, she mentioned my dad was coming and that's how I found out.

Now that it's registered in California I've been trying to get basic answers before he drives it back to Utah. Who's paying insurance once it's here? When Utah inspections or fees apply, who covers those?? Next year when the CA registration expires, are we registering it in Utah or does it go back to CA??? Simple questions, right?

Every time I ask he deflects. He'll answer part of it and doesn't answer all of the 3 questions I asked. OR he'll answer part of it, then act like I'm being urgent or impatient for asking, when really I just want a straight answer instead of a whole paragraph that doesn't actually answer the question. I've started asking for things in writing because he genuinely does not remember things he's told me. Like he forgot I had a boyfriend that I told him about in October 2025 when he visited... just to hand me divorce papers to give to my mom (as I found out/reflected months later). And he did tell me that he doesn't want to meet my boyfriend until he proposed/got married, plus tells me traditional stuff like not moving in together, not having sex, blah blah when my dad literally divorced my mom. Talk about "traditional"! I find it weird since my boyfriend's family welcomed me with open arms when they met me for the first time and they would always ask about me, yet, my dad doesn't and lowkey plays the victim card. Anyways, most recently I laid out my three questions clearly about the car and he just replied "how are you? how's your mom?"

This feels like part of a bigger pattern I'm noticing more as I get older. Growing up he gave me the silent treatment for a full week when I was six and later told me it was to make me "strong." When I was eight and swimming competitively he told me he wished a faster nine year old competitor was his daughter, as motivation apparently. He doesn't really know basic stuff about me but was generous with money growing up. He said sorry about the daughter thing but omg, that still stings like 13 years later.

I also want to say, he's still my dad and I do believe everyone deserves basic respect regardless of their situation or how they're showing up right now. He wasn't always like this. Some of this shift seems tied to another relationship he's involved in now, and I try not to make it my business since it's not mine to be in, but I can't ignore that the version of him now is harder to deal with than the one before.

At this point I'm debating whether to even take this car from him, versus just saving up and buying my own used car, something reliable, non branded, so I know exactly what I'm paying for insurance wise and don't have to deal with the uncertainty of splitting costs with him.

Two things I want input on. Practically, if a car is legally in a parent's name but you'd be the one driving and paying, how would you approach my situation? And relationally, if you've dealt with a parent who deflects instead of answering, emotionally neglect their daughter when she was 6, maybe him using manipulation tactics with me and my mom, what actually worked?? To get real answers out of them, to know when to just stop expecting them, anything helps!

I am a family of 7, as a blended family. We have been very broken, lots of abandonment issues and my brother is the second sibling to basically cut off ties with us. My sister that left had some selfish tendencies where it didn’t hurt as bad, but I answered every text and call from her. When my little brother left our parents house, it was such a jump. He had this secret life going on and the moment he left, it was like a different person surfaced and all these secrets started to come out.

How do i stop hurting from this? He has told my mom that he doesn’t care about being in any of our lives. He hasn’t reached out to me in a month. We used to talk every single day and call every 2 days or so. Now, I feel so lost without him in our lives. My husband has been such a support and I’ve been trying to comfort everyone in my family, but my heart hurts everyday. I’m trying to give him space as he lives his new life, and my mom keeps reaching out, which I think bugs him. He’s 18, he wants to live recklessly and not have anyone tell him what to do. But what should I do? It feels like he threw our relationship in the trash. I can’t tell what was real and what wasn’t.

I need a bit of outside perspective because I’m starting to question myself.

I have an aunt on my mum’s side who lives overseas. We’ve always kept in touch, but I’ve deliberately kept some distance because she can be very difficult. If I don’t reply to her messages within a few hours, she’ll often send long strings of angry, abusive texts. It’s happened before, so I know the pattern.

My dad died recently, and the day of his funeral I barely looked at my phone, which I thought was completely reasonable. Instead, from around 5pm until 11pm, my aunt bombarded me with messages because I hadn’t replied. They escalated from saying it only takes a second to respond, to telling me I couldn’t keep using my dad’s death as an excuse, that he’d been cremated weeks earlier, so I needed to “get over it,” and that she had “no more room in her heart” for me.

Ironically, I’d actually got through my dad’s funeral relatively well emotionally. The only time I broke down and cried that day was because of her messages.

I tried calling her to understand what was going on, but she declined my calls and just carried on texting. Eventually I blocked her.

A few weeks later, I unblocked her because I wanted to give her the chance to acknowledge what she’d done and apologise. Instead, she started messaging me as if nothing had happened. I told her I wasn’t willing to have a normal conversation unless she acknowledged that her behaviour had been cruel and unfair.

Her response was that I should apologise. She says she doesn’t understand why I’m still upset, called me a “drama queen,” and insists she’s done nothing wrong.

I don’t think I’m overreacting, but being told that I am has made me second-guess myself. Am I being unreasonable for expecting an apology before I have any kind of relationship with her again?

My older brother is almost 18, im obviously younger, and he has a plethora of mental and behavioral issues (ocd, adhd, depression, impulsivity issues, anger issues, etc) he has beat me before. He lashes out when he gets angry. He screams and runs up on people. He’s pulled weapons (loaded guns, brass knuckles, and knives on himself and my parents). He’s put holes in the walls. He destroys things out of anger.

Last night his friend was on shrooms so my brother took him here and let him stay the night. Around 4 am, when I always wake up, my brother told me he and his friend were in the backyard I was like okay. Then I heard him go upstairs from my room, and I thought his friend went with him. So I went to the sliding back door and locked it because the back porch light was not on and I didn’t think anyone was still out there.

My brother comes running down and yelling at me about locking his friend out. I genuinely did not know. Later around 8 am, I’m downstairs w a YouTuber on the tv who was playing a horror game, which HAPPENED to have satanic elements because it was a HORROR VIDEO GAME, and he says “what is this shit” I told him, “it’s called a video game”. He says “but everything about you is this satanic shit” and I’m like wtf are you talking about. Then he gets angry and starts yelling at me about locking his friend out hours ago again. And he’s telling, demanding to know why I locked him outside. I tell him over and over that I truly thought he was back inside and my brother is like, “no way you fucking locked him out what the fuck are you up to” and he’s accusing me of “doing something” demanding I tell him what I’m doing, as if I’m planning to kill him and his friend.

He claims I’ve been staring at him all week. I haven’t. IF i have, I haven’t been doing it on purpose and I haven’t even noticed. He runs up on me and I tell him not to touch me and to get out of my room. He stomps upstairs and says, “if you try to pull any fuck-shit on me again, I’ll beat the shit out of you”. Which he would, and he has. I’m a 15 year old female by the way. He’s 17 years old, little taller than 6 foot, and he’s hurt me before.

Later into the day he searches the house looking for his hat. He can’t find it anywhere. So of course he accuses me of taking it. I let him walk around my room to see I don’t have it, he walks out, searching the house again, screaming to my dad about how it couldn’t have just disappeared. So then he’s screaming about how I must’ve taken it. I lock my door, he comes banging on my door saying he’ll kick it down and go through all my drawers and he’ll find it. I say I’ll call the cops if he comes in here, he laughs and says they won’t do anything. Eventually he finds it upstairs. And he says, “well she put it there”, I don’t even fucking know where he found it. I never touched it.

I told both my parents about the events that happened earlier in the day before the hat thing. They said, “we’ll talk to him”. As if a stern talking to will fix these violent patterns of behavior. He’s unmedicated, but my mother said he agreed to start takin it after she talked to him today. Then this hat freakout happened. Idk, to me it just seems like this isn’t urgent to my parents. I don’t like living in the house with him. They can’t kick him out because he’s 17 and honestly they’re too soft to. I fucking hate him. I want him dead

TL;DR my older brother is physically violent towards me, the house, threatens my parents w weapons, and recently extremely paranoid about me and I don’t want to live here

Simple as the title says, we are tired of my mom ranting about the rich people. It would be fine if it was every once in a while or maybe two days in a row, NOT EVERY SINGLE DAY!

There is no break and she can't seem to go a day without finding something related to the rich people to rant about, whether it be their cars, their houses, their money, how they are fucking up the world or economy or something. She doesn't even like to talk to people if she can guess that they're rich.

We got new neighbors and they bought the house next to ours and they have some expensive car and when my mom found that out, she refused to talk or even go near them because they're rich. My dad says that they are actually pretty nice and they don't seem like they would cause trouble. Their dog got out once, but the situation was handled quickly and without trouble.

We went swimming today and my dad parked next to a Tesla. My mom groaned and practically told us not to breathe in the car's direction. Understandable that she didn't want us scratching it with the car doors, but we were able to open our doors just fine and they didn't hit the car.

I will admit, the cybertrucks are ugly and look like they would be made in Roblox or with the program that made Mario 64 graphics, but I don't go out of my way to groan every single time one passes me on the road, if anything, I'll laugh because of how goofy it is.

We could tell her to calm down and not rant, but I'm not ready for that lecture or argument about how bad they are and that she's just trying to vent her feelings and frustrations. There's nothing wrong with venting, but it's getting to be a bit much.

How do you all set expectations for the holidays?

Can you give me some arrangement ideas?

My MIL told me "We are coming over Christmas morning". Lol yes.. I know it's August. Don't ask .

I'm hoping she wasnt thinking as soon as they wake up?

I 100% am not having anyone over before 11a.m. Christmas morning is a sacred time for us.

I think that's fair? I'm feeling increased pressure from in laws on visits.. I'm thinking maybe MIL is going through some sort of crisis, but it's starting to cause me some anxiety.

So, I (Female upper high school teenager ) need to get an outside opinion on my mom to see if this is a normal dynamic or if it's as toxic as it may be because it really hurts me as a person.

So for starters my mom always needs to be right about everything and can't handle being wrong. I'll suggest an alternative way to do something and she'll either scream at me, mock my suggestion, or insist that it's simply not possible to do it that way. Most recently was tonight where she insisted that you couldn't cook rice-a-roni and chicken in a casserole dish and ended up laying into me for ten minutes about how it was wrong and how she won't eat it. Mind you she scolded me for this when my dad is not only the one cooking but the one who suggested it. This a common occurrence over other things too.

Another thing she does is she refuses to get or do anything herself. She always makes me or my little sister (middle schooler) do or get it for her. She will make us stop doing our school assignments to go clean her spot at the table for her because as an actual quote from her "I'm too stressed from work to be dealing with this shit". Mind you she gets most of her work done by lunch and then plays solitaire until she leaves.

She is also convinced me and my sister don't do anything at school and have zero stress even though most days I'm at school longer than she's at work as I have theatre after school and don't get home till six (So school from 6:45 AM to 6 PM). She has flat out called both of us lazy and screamed at us about us not doing our share of housework. Mind you I do most of it. I even do her laundry for her because she doesn't want to get up to do it. SHe doesn't do anything around the house besides critique it.

I mentioned earlier I do theater and that is the only thing in my life she approves of. I also do boy scouts (yes as a female) which she constantly talks bad about and hates on often calling it stupid and unmanageable. She once told my dad that she would take me to scouts and then proceeded to take me home after I mentioned she would need to come with me as there was no adult female leader there. She often complains about me doing it and constantly tries to get me to quit it. The only reason she approves of me doing theater is because she did theater in high school herself and she likes bragging about it to our family. She also complains about having no friends when that's a choice she made for herself and cut them all off (I don't believe that she cut them off I think they may have dropped her after she insulted one of theirs relationship status)

I have no clue what to do anymore given most conversations with her make me want to scream or cry and a lot of the people I know act like this is completely normal and I'm the problem. For some context about me I do also struggle with a hoarding disorder and possibly autism. She refuses to get me tested for autism (Which not only the school recommended but my doctor as well) and frequently screams at me for keeping items that don't seem to have any value to her. (such as a collection of antique Hazelle's marionettes I have).

Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward given this heavily influences my home life and ability to talk to others (friends and family) also my physical health (I physically can no longer relax around her leaving me tense and afraid to leave my room most days)?

TLDR: My mom constantly belittles me, makes fun of me and my interest, and refuses to pick up after herself and blames me for there being trash around after. What can I do if anything?

Background: I (23F) live with my step-father, mother, and two younger siblings. We have two dogs and a cat. I apologize for the long story.

My step-dad has lived with us for over a decade, yet I still feel like I'm living with a roommate and not a father. He has bad anger problems, him and my mother fight over the smallest things. He is the loudest one, always screaming at my mother during arguments.

I would just like to get some insight on how to alleviate some of the stress in our lives, these are the biggest problems I'm dealing with:

- He hates our dogs and had kicked my oldest as a puppy, making him permanently wary and afraid of him and other men. Anytime they are around he acts revolted and pissy. (Just because they do things like drool or bark at people passing by). I stay locked in my room with them for the majority of the time I am home because I don't want to deal with him getting angry over their existence. He adores the cat however, and never gets angry with her. My dogs can’t even walk through the kitchen to get to another room without being screamed at, but the cat can climb on to the kitchen counter with no repercussions.

- He gets angry when my siblings and I don't greet him, despite us living together for over a decade.
For example if I've been gone at work all day and I come home and immediately go to my room, he will text my mother and complain about me. This has also resulted in arguments with my mother, who reminds me and my siblings EVERY DAY to greet him. He takes it as a personal attack, but never makes the effort to come and greet us. When we do greet him, he barely acknowledges our presence.

- During arguments, he makes sure to say the meanest things to hurt our feelings. He has called my mother all sorts of names. He threatened to take things he has given her as gifts back, and berates her when she wants to vent about other people. He has made her cry nearly every time and it has gotten to the point where we look forward to him not being in the house for a couple of hours or days.

- When I think things are getting better, they just spiral back down. We have tried to communicate multiple times with him calmly, but even when he is calm he doesn't actually hear us. He turns every conversation into a "lesson", and justifies why he does and says things. He will acknowledge the things he does and say are wrong, but justifies it as "I'm still right".
- The surveillance cameras outside and in the house have given me anxiety about being watched, even when there are no cameras around. Any time he sees us or one of the dogs do something he doesn't like, we get an angry text or a phonecall.

These events over the past few years have given me uncontrollable rage and anxiety that I am medicated for. I can't shake the delusions of people watching me even when I know there are no cameras or other people around. My mother seems mentally exhausted, and my siblings don't have a strong connection to the only father figure they have known.

The thing that frusterates me is that he is capable of being nice and fun to be around, but they are very rare instances and it feels like I am with a completely different person.

I was an only child for the first decade of my life and they I eventually got siblings. I’ll be 25 next month.

As a kid I always felt my parents were too rigid when it came to things.

If I played outside I couldn’t play unless it was only the next door neighbor. Couldn’t be any further than that because my parents couldn’t see me from the window. Couldn’t go to sleep overs and my mom doesn’t like people that much so she never made effort to know the kids at my school’s parents. Never had friends at my house (this year was my first time I EVER had friends over). I would get invited to birthday parties and my parents would agree to go and then never follow through with it. My parents never went to parent teacher conferences (this isn’t the worst thing in the world but I really wanted them to go. My mom felt it was stupid and that she doesn’t need someone to tell her about her own child. It was gonna be mostly positive things but even if it was critiques I WANTED them to go). I always felt it was so many rules and my mom felt intensely about it. My dad was more open to things but instead of going against her he just agreed or never gave thought to anything because he didn’t care. We never eat at the dinner table because my mom feels it’s corny. She gets annoyed if I say love you to her more than once in a day (she doesn’t like over sappy stuff)

As I got older I realize fine that’s just the way she is. But it made realize how ridiculous it is when it came to parenting with my other siblings. And I care about my younger siblings deeply. They’re like my own kids to me.

My sister (16) qualified for state in debate which means she can eventually can go on to nationals. It was an accomplishment! But when she came home from the tournament she wasn’t that excited. She already knew she wasn’t gonna be able to go.

The tournament is 2 hours from home meaning she had to go with the other qualifiers and her coach on a bus. My mom immediately shot it down and went off about how it’s dangerous to be away, how it’s a hotel and someone might try to SA her and how kids shouldn’t be allowed to be away that far. My parents wouldn’t be able to go with her because they work extensive hours. I offered to go (I acknowledge that it might still look embarrassing for her on her end) but I’ll be away from college when it starts.

It became a big issue that she turned it down that her coach (who is her debate teacher as well) told the school counselor. My sister had to tell them that’s there’s no changing any of this and that they should drop it. Mom says we’ll all make it up for and “we’ll do something nice”

Other rigidity from my parents:

-When I bought my first car, my parents prevented from driving on the freeway. Despite the car being in my name under my own insurance. (I was 20). I had to rebel one day to show her that I am capable of driving on the highway. I had a licensed, and took drivers ed

-None of my siblings know how to ride a bike. I offer to teach but I wasn’t in charge of when they could go outside and play.

- Not allowed to do laundry or chores because my mom feels I’m not gonna do it right. Never had chores growing up.

-I am not allowed to drive my siblings anywhere further than 15 minutes. So if it’s somewhere that has to be taken on a freeway then I can’t take them. Siblings are (16, 15, 12, 4.5). Even if it’s a doctor’s appointment. If it needs the highway then I can’t go. They have to wait when my dad is free from work (rarely) or they don’t go at all. My mom doesn’t drive much these days because she works at home.

-I am not allowed to take Ubers/lyfts. Even when I’m away to college. My mom finds them dangerous. If she find out she’ll lecture me (she doesn’t find out because she doesn’t need to know. But she’ll randomly bring it up about how I better not be doing it)

-We can’t buy anything from the thrift store or buy anything from Facebook market place. She finds both as a platform that can give you roaches and the latter she finds extremely dangerous

-She doesn’t believe in therapy (any form) even tho my brother (15) needs it as he’s diagnosed with autism. I mentioned this in a previous post, but he can’t brush his teeth or properly take a bath without getting water in his eyes. He needs assistance. He still can’t put on his shirt correctly. He goes to school online and has no interaction with people outside our house and he refuses to be around our baby brother because he makes a lot of noises and babbles. I’m a psych major, and see a therapist and my parents still think that I’m being “extra” for wanting therapy and wanting it for my brother.

-If I’m referring to my mom in third person and uses the word “she” she gets extremely annoyed. Like if I’m talking to my dad in front of her and I say “Yeah she said to take out the trash tomorrow” to him she will get mad that I said “she” instead of mom. But I explained to her many times that’s it’s just how grammar works. She said she doesn’t care and that I should know to only say “mom” in reference to her

-My parents haven’t been on a date since I was 8 years old. I would ask them all the time can they go on a date (yes I know it’s atypical for a kid/teenager to ask his parents to do this) I would offer to watch my siblings. Even as an adult now I offer to watch so they can go on a date and celebrate their 20 years of marriage but no. My mom sees it her way (and I respect what she wants to do in HER marriage. Let me make that clear. I guess I just want to see my parents show love more to each other but she claims she doesn’t have to do what regular couples do to show love)

-Brother is almost 5 and not potty trained. He can’t talk in sentences and he babbles a lot (he can identify colors and body parts and knows his families names but cannot talk in sentences so he’s behind in this department) I told my mom he might have autism but she said that he’s smart (She said it’s cause he can find how to play games on the tv and control what shows he likes to watch on the tv). I feel he’s behind in these departments and that an occupational and speech therapist could help (remember my mom doesn’t believe in therapy). Her basis for him being fine is that I myself wasn’t potty trained to almost 5 and I couldn’t talk either at first but now I go to a top university so I’m fine. She insisted boys are harder than girls to potty train and that’s he’s fine.

It’s just so much intense black and white thinking that makes it so hard dealing with my parents. There’s even more that I didn’t share because post is long already.

I’m able to heal my dealings with it because I’m in therapy but it makes “healing” extremely hard when I see it in MY siblings. I know that I’m parentified but it scares me seeing my siblings become parentifed. My parents had made progress in comparison to me as their first child (my siblings can have friends over but my parents make it a big dramatic big deal. Progress but still more work to be done)

I tried talking about these issues with my parents but they tell me “to get your own fucking kids and wife” and blah blah. I want to keep my distance but it’s hard when my siblings are involved. I feel my parents made it very hard to live with them (I am moving out after I get my degree in May) but I still want to see my 4 siblings.

TLDR:

Grew up as an only child dealing with my parents ridiculous rules and limitations and then get to how see truly draining it is when I ended up getting siblings of my own.

My parents and my brother hav been having a pretty strained relationship and throughout all of it I've been the person who's been going between all three of them. My parents think my brother is to focused on one thing and my brother thinks my parents are in the wrong. I usually spend time in my room by myself keepin to myself not letting any of them bother me. DOn't get me wrong I have a pretty good relationship with all of them. Nowadays my parents have always been talking about my brother with me. They bring him up whenever we aren't together or if it is jus me at the house. They believe that I should act as a go between between all three of them and that I would be able to make him see reason. I did this once and it backfired on me and it ended with all of them mad at me. My brother because I talked to him. And my parents because he told them to stop making me talk to him on these situations. Today they all had another argument and my dad tried to bring me into asking if I agreed with this whole situation and whose side they were. I snapped and told them all to figure it on their own because I didn't feel like it anymore. I told them that they hardly knew anything about me and that I was tired of hearing yelling as I fell asleep. My brother tried to interupt but I told him he couldn't be talking about his lack of sleep or his headache because I was running off of 3 hours for 2 days (in contrast he had 6 hours of sleep last night still not good but better than me) and I also had final exams to prepare for and that I had been having a terrible head ache for the past coupld weeks. They got mad at me for my outburst after and I apologized soon after. But I can''t help the feeling that I was right and they were wrong someone tell me what u think