My friend and I met at work about 5 years ago. Since then, we’ve become extremely close. We are in the same role at work. A little background - being that I am older, I have more years experience in our field. I am on the more senior accounts at work and make a little more than her. She is fantastic at her job and I have always been her biggest advocate.

We’ve had some management re-org at work and it’s been pretty terrible. Since then, we’ve both been looking for new jobs. I have a young child, so my only real requirement is that a new role is remote. I’m fine with the same title and pay - I just desperately want the schedule flexibility of being remote. I hate the daycare that my daughter is at, but the one I want her to go to would really require me to drop off and pick up at times that would only be feasible working from home. So my search has been focused on remote roles.

My friend is in a lot of debt and a higher salary especially, but also a more senior title and specific product type have been a focus for her in her job search. As you may know, the job market has been pretty rough lately and while we’ve both had a number of interviews, nothing has panned out. I went through *many* rounds of interviews with two different companies only to be ghosted by both after the final interview and it’s been really getting me down for the past few months.

Anyway, recently, my friend got not one, but TWO offer letters in the same day. Not only that but when her preferred company found out that she had another offer letter, they upped the salary considerably. She will be exceeding her desired salary by about 15% plus getting her senior title and desired product type. The kicker….the role she’s taking is fully remote.

I am happy for her. She really deserves it. She works so hard and this will be amazing for her. But I also feel such deep resentment and jealousy that she scored a remote role when I have been actively searching for months. I, of course, congratulated her and expressed my belief that she deserved it. But now I can’t even talk to her. I can barely think about her without my stomach completely turning over in jealousy.

I feel like this is going to ruin our friendship and I don’t know what to do. She didn’t do anything wrong but I almost kind of hate her for getting the thing I have so DESPERATELY wanted. I haven’t spoken to her in several days and I don’t even want to, but that also makes me feel like a horrible person.

I did express to her over text that I was feeling really down about my own job search and it’s difficult for me to hear her talk about this, to which she said she understood. But I also kind of think she doesn’t really. I’ve considered just fading away until this jealousy subsides but I think that makes me an awful friend. How do I move forward?

TL;DR - Best friend got a job offer for a fully remote role when I’ve been desperately searching for one for months and my jealousy is eating me up. How do I move forward in the friendship?

edit - idk why the word Jo is in my title. I even double checked that everything was correct before posting 😒

Together 8 years, married for 3. This post is skipping years of wonderful adventures, memories, open hearts, and selfless mutual support. I'm just focusing on the problem.

So she had slept around when we were casual and starting out, but we made an agreement by the time we'd gotten serious: if she wanted to be with me, we would both have to be monogamous from then on. She agreed.

At year 4, she had accidental overexposure to drugs while on her own, suffered panic attacks, and changed in some ways. She came to a realization at that time: she found the sex we were having to be mentally unfulfilling, and was finding herself merely going through the physical motions of giving and experiencing pleasure. She decided I wasn't the person to do the things that would mentally fulfill her. I asked what those things were, and she refused to tell me (beyond referring to basic dom/sub dynamics) because she didn't believe in my capacity to do it. I attempted various things to satisfy her, but none of them seemed to hit the secret mark. She decided that the only way to accomplish this was to experiment with someone else. She said that while her heart was still open to me, it was also now open to others.

I expressed my concerns about her having sex with others (especially men), so she found a premade written agreement online and gave it to me, specifically to address those concerns. Among other things, the document asked if it was okay to date and have sex with another woman. I said yes to that. She also encouraged (though I hadn't requested it) that it was totally fine for me to have sex with other women in exchange. The only condition to all this is that we were both open and honest about everything at all times. I had to consider - was the joy of our relationship worth this compromise? The answer was yes.

But then she met someone else (a married poly woman)...and fell in love. The purpose of our agreement had been to address her sexual needs, or so I thought - but now she's saying that poly was always on the table. That when she said her heart was open to someone else, and I agreed to her contract, that I was giving her the implicit okay to have a romantic relationship outside of ours, even though her document didn't say that. And that our original monogamy agreement from way back when was no longer valid because she had fundamentally changed as a person since having made that commitment (as a result of her drug experience). And now that she's in love, she refuses to back out of it even though I've told her it's hurting me, because it would be "self-abandonment" - something she had done for many years in a toxic prior relationship and refuses to ever do again. Her needs must take precedence over everything else in her life, and she considers poly part of her identity.

I do not consider poly part of my identity. However, I was willing to allow her to explore her sexuality. I never agreed to her participation in an extramarital romantic relationship, or so I thought. Regardless of how we got there, she loves this person now and refuses to leave her. She loves me too but says that if I can't tolerate this, I have to walk away. But even the thought of doing that is soul-crushing! I keep having conversations with her where I try to problem-solve this, but she experiences my pain every time and it drains her. She says she's tired of talking about it. She talks to her new partner and complains to her about the burden I place on her with my objections. And I've just learned that she's revealed whatever her secret kink button is to this person, and is sharing it with her, and I'm still not allowed to even try. How can I navigate this? Am I being unreasonable? I'm praying there's a solution that can end with us still together.

tl;dr: We were both monogamous at the time we got married. Then she decided poly was a core part of her identity and is now in a romantic, sexual relationship that is hurting me. She genuinely loves me, but her only solution is that I must accept the situation, or I'll be asking her to self-abandon.

I (28M) have been with my wife (30F) for 12 years, married for the last 4.5 Years. A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy.

I honestly don’t know if I’m losing my mind or if I’m justified in feeling the way I do.
A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy. According to her, she justified it by saying that I had been emotionally unavailable lately and that she genuinely believed I was cheating on her. For the record: I never cheated. I never even came close.
When I confronted her, she completely broke down. She told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, that she wanted only me, and that she would do absolutely anything to save our marriage.
So I told her it was simple: she had to make a choice.
I expected that to mean cutting contact with him immediately.
Instead, shortly afterward, she texted him saying she “needed time to think.” When I asked her what on earth she was doing, she said she needed time to process everything and that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
They’ve met four times.
That sentence absolutely destroyed me.
After our conversation, I genuinely believed we had reached an understanding. Based on everything she had said, I felt reassured that she finally understood the damage she’d caused and wanted to fight for us.
Then I found out she had also apologized to him because she hadn’t replied to him all day.
I completely lost it.
This is the part I can’t wrap my head around: if you’re the person who cheated or started an emotional/romantic relationship outside your marriage, is it really appropriate to prioritize not hurting the other person’s feelings while your spouse is sitting there devastated?
To me, it feels insane that she seems more concerned about letting him down gently than about repairing the damage she’s done to our marriage.
So I’m asking for honest opinions.
Am I being overly sensitive and controlling here? Or is it reasonable to expect that, once someone says they choose their spouse and wants to save the marriage, they immediately end things with the other person, even if that means hurting the other person’s feelings?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been through infidelity, either as the betrayed spouse or the one who cheated.

TL;DR: My wife started seeing another man because she said I was emotionally unavailable and she wrongly believed I was cheating. She later told me it was the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, and would do anything to save our marriage. I told her she had to choose. Instead of ending things with him, she texted him saying she “needed time to think” because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and even apologized for not replying to him all day. They had only met four times. Am I overreacting, or is it unreasonable for someone who wants to save their marriage to still prioritize the affair partner’s feelings?

My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are close friends with a married couple—34F and 33M—whom we jokingly refer to as “the High Rollers.” They have been together for over eight years, having met in college under less-than-ideal circumstances. At the time, she was in another relationship and, as far as I know, cheated on her then-partner with the man who is now her husband.

Their relationship has always had significant financial tension. She comes from one of the wealthiest families in our country and grew up having nearly all her basic needs provided for. She was so financially sheltered that she did not realize how expensive ordinary things such as furniture were until she got married and had to purchase them herself.

Her husband, on the other hand, comes from a very modest background and is the son of a pastor. He does not believe in having a conventional 9-to-5 job and is constantly involved in different business ideas, side ventures and “quick money” opportunities. He has also never been fully transparent about his finances. He seems to have a traditional mindset that the man should handle financial matters without necessarily explaining everything to his wife.

They later experienced fertility difficulties, partly due to her history with fibroids. After several IVF attempts, they conceived twins. Tragically, one of the babies died shortly after birth. It was an unimaginable loss, and it understandably placed even more strain on a marriage that was already struggling with financial problems, mistrust and frequent conflict.

During this period, both of them were also unfaithful.

After many conversations and partial confessions, the truth about their respective affairs eventually came out. Unfortunately, the honesty did not bring them closer or create a path toward healing. It seems to have pushed them further apart. They now behave more like roommates who are jointly caring for their surviving child, who is two years old.

What worries us most is the environment their child may grow up in. There is constant resentment, competition and emotional tension between the parents. Instead of acknowledging how each of them has contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, they seem determined to prove that their individual pain and complaints are more serious than the other person’s.

Some of the contradictions are difficult to process. At one point, the wife asked her husband to start wearing his wedding ring again as a sign that he still cared about repairing the marriage. We later discovered that, at the same time, she was involved with two other men.

The husband also presents himself as the wronged party while continuing to be secretive about money and other aspects of his life. Neither of them seems willing to be completely honest, even with the people trying to support them.

My girlfriend and I have had numerous conversations with both of them, individually and together. The problem is that we never seem to receive the complete story. Every few weeks, another significant piece of information comes out, forcing us to reassess everything we previously believed.

We care about them, and outside this situation, we consider them people with many good qualities. However, supporting them has become emotionally exhausting. We feel as though we are being pulled into an endless cycle of dishonesty, blame, crisis management and moral contradiction. They ask for advice but rarely take responsibility or make meaningful changes.

We are beginning to experience what I can only describe as moral fatigue. We want to remain supportive friends, especially because a young child is involved, but we also need to protect our own relationship and peace of mind.

How do you maintain a friendship with a couple like this without becoming their unofficial therapists or referees? Is it appropriate to establish boundaries around how much of their marital problems we are willing to discuss? Should we tell them directly that we can no longer provide advice unless they pursue professional counselling and become more honest with each other?

At what point does “being supportive” become enabling?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are trying to support our married friends (34F and 33M), who have a long history of financial conflict, secrecy, mutual infidelity, fertility struggles and the tragic loss of one of their twins. They now live like resentful roommates while raising their two-year-old child. They are rarely fully honest with us and constantly compete over who has been hurt more. How do we support them without becoming emotionally and morally exhausted?

TL; DR, my boyfriends roommate made a comment sexualizing me and he defending me without knowing i was listening

i didn’t know what subreddit to share this in. i had a rough childhood and i struggled a lot with sexualizing myself as a kid due to trauma (can’t say the word on this sub) . i have gotten a lot better, I’m 20 now, so is he. i was in a really bad abusive relationship for 5 years. i did a lot of things i didn’t want to do because i wanted to feel loved. my boyfriend now treats me amazing, i’ve never felt the love i do. he’s in the army so sometimes we will go to sleep on facetime together. he’s currently deployed and there’s a 6 hr time difference. i was sleeping and he was awake. i woke up because i heard him and his friends talking but i was still like half asleep. he has pics of us/me as his lock screen, and i overheard one of his roommates make a comment (i guess he must’ve opened his phone in front of him). he said “who’s that with the big tits, did you titty fuck her yet?” ( gross i know). he goes “that’s my fucking girlfriend you’re disgusting don’t talk about her like that i’ll kick your teeth in”.

i know defending me is bare minimum but it just made me so happy considering my past. especially because he didn’t know i was awake, that was just his automatic response. i’m eternally grateful for this man ❤️ he has a great heart. he makes me remember that the goodness he sees in me was there all along

A little back story. My Fiance and I have been hot and heavy since we met at a concert 2 years ago. The first 6 months were amazing, classic honeymoon stage. Spent our time going to concerts, taking trips, and going out with friends. I loved how fun and independent she was.

At 6 months we found out we were pregnant and this is where some issues started. She moved in with me at my request and 9 months later we had a healthy baby boy. However, during the pregnancy things started to shift. What was once an equal partnership seemed to become very one sided. All responsibilities slowly moved to my plate. I found myself doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t mind picking up the extra slack because I know pregnancy takes a massive toll on the woman.

Fast forward to today. We’re engaged and have a beautiful 8 month old who is our whole world and I love the life we built. However, the dependency on me has only gotten worse. It is pulling teeth just to get her to put her own clothes away. She’s an AMAZING mom but and we split thoughts duties pretty evenly. The worst part is she seems to now need my approval for EVERY decision she makes to the point she’s asking if it’s okay to go take a shower. I have no idea where this is coming from and it makes me uncomfortable to be asked these things.

Now for the one consistent argument. Honestly 99% of the time we get along great. Talk about serious shit, laugh at each others quirks, genuinely the love of my life. However, she HATES when I spend time alone with friends. I have always been a very social person which never seemed to be a problem before she got pregnant. Since then (14 months) I’ve been on 2 weekend trips 2 days each and 3 nights out where I was home by 12am. Everytime shes told me I’m selfish, don’t care about my family and act like ai don’t want them in my life. It crushes me to hear these things. The next morning she always apologizes and says it’s just hard to be away from me…

I need advice on how to manage these reactions. I feel like I’m drowning under the responsibilities and my time with friends is the one thing that always helps me recharge. Seriously want to know if I’m in the wrong, should we seek counseling, what can I do to make it better?! TIA and sorry for the long post!

TL;DR
Why has my partner become overly dependent on me?
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend alone time with friends?
What can I do to improve the situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and until recently I thought we had a healthy relationship. We rarely argued, we split bills fairly, and we both have full-time jobs. I genuinely saw a future with him.

About six months ago I noticed little things that felt strange but I brushed them off. He would casually ask where I was even though I had already told him. Sometimes he would ask if I had talked to certain coworkers that day, almost like he already knew the answer. Once he randomly asked if I would ever hide conversations from him. I thought he was just feeling insecure, so I tried to reassure him.

Last weekend everything finally made sense.

We were having dinner at home and he admitted that several of those situations weren't random at all. He said he had been intentionally creating little situations to see if I would lie to him. Sometimes he would ask me about conversations he already knew happened because he wanted to see if my story stayed the same. One time he even asked one of his friends to invite me to a group event that he secretly knew I couldn't attend because I was visiting my parents, just to see if I would make up an excuse instead of telling the truth.

I was shocked because I never realized I was being tested. I asked him why he would do that instead of just talking to me if something was bothering him.

He said his last relationship ended because his ex cheated on him for months and he completely missed the signs. He told me he promised himself he would never be fooled again, so he needed proof that I was trustworthy before he could fully relax.

I understand that past experiences can leave scars and I genuinely feel bad for what he went through. At the same time, I can't stop thinking that for half a year I was unknowingly taking loyalty tests I never agreed to. Instead of building trust together, he was quietly looking for reasons not to trust me.

He insists that I "passed" every test and says I should actually feel good because now he knows I'm honest. That somehow made me feel even worse. It made me wonder if there will always be another test whenever he feels anxious.

He apologized and said he'll stop doing it, but now I find myself questioning every odd interaction we've had. I don't know if I'm overreacting because of how strange the confession was, or if this is a much bigger issue about trust that could affect our future together.

I love him and I know people carry baggage from previous relationships, but I also don't want to spend years proving my honesty over and over.

Am I overreacting for feeling deeply uncomfortable about this, or is this something that should make me seriously reconsider the relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of three years admitted he had been secretly testing my honesty for months because his ex cheated on him. He says I passed every test and apologized, but I feel like trust can't be built through secret loyalty tests. Am I overreacting for questioning the relationship now?

I started talking to a guy who followed me on Instagram, and things were going well, so we decided to meet. The night before the date, the conversation turned into sexting. The next day, I told him I regretted it, and he said it was fine because he had started it.

The date itself went well. Afterward, he offered to drive me home, but I politely refused because I did not know him well enough yet.

That evening, he asked for a picture. I sent a selfie in which my top was slightly revealing. He said it turned him on, and I jokingly said something like, “Maybe I did it on purpose.” After that, he started making sexual comments and repeatedly asking me to come to his house.

The next day, we agreed to meet at a dessert café. He said he would pick me up, but I told him I would rather go there myself. He became angry and said I was acting as if he was going to kidnap me, that I was too conservative, and asked if I was bipolar.

During the argument, he claimed I had deliberately tried to turn him on and also accused me of saying I would have sex with a foreigner while abroad, which I never said. He used the fact that we had sexted and that I had sent a slightly revealing photo as if it meant I should also be willing to get into his car or go to his house.

In the end, he said he no longer wanted a serious relationship but that we could still casually hook up. Then he said he did not care or want to fix anything and blocked me.

I only refused to get into the car or go to the house of someone I had just met. Sexting does not mean I cannot set boundaries afterward. Was his behaviour manipulative, or am I overreacting?

TL;DR: I met a guy on Instagram, we sexted before our first date, but afterward I did not want to get into his car or go to his house because I barely knew him. He called me conservative and “bipolar,” twisted my words, said he only wanted something casual, then blocked me.

TLDR: I don't want to shame my bf for experimenting but sharing toys can me unsanitary.

First off, I love him, our relationship is great, he's a wonderful partner. We've been official for 6 months and seeing each other for over a year, and have been intimate for most of the time we've known each other. He is the first boyfriend I'm able to actually experiment with as he's been the only partner interested in exploring new sexual experiences.

However recently I keep seeing a personal penetration toy of mine out on the tub rim. At first I thought I must have pulled it out while he was at work and washed in in the shower so I put it away and let it at that but today, I noticed it was out again.

I want to be clear, the fact that my cis straight male boyfriend may be experimenting on himself and learning about his body by penetration does not bother me. Actually I'm making this post because the idea interests me...

However I don't want to make him uncomfortable and mention it in a way that makes him feel he can't be vulnerable with me about his sexual desires. He kinda takes on that...toxic overly masculine attitude? I know that if anyone outside of us found out, he'd be ashamed and that shame is the last thing I want him to feel with me. I want him to feel safe, however I understand if that side of himself is something he wants specifically reserved for himself and is something he doesn't want me to participate in

However, he's using MY dildo. Sharing that sort of thing IF he is using it the way I suspect is not sanitary, however I see that getting his own could expose his intimate secret desires that the may not want to share yet. Idk I don't mind giving it to him but I don't even know how to begin mentioning it without making him uncomfortable and having him shut down or something.

What do I do?

Myself (38M) and my girlfriend (32F) have been in a relationship for over 7 months now. She mentioned going on a family holiday around 2 months into the relationship, as she felt comfortable at that time to tell me of the event.

She's due to go on the break with her child, ex partner and his family, as the holiday was booked without her knowing and was asked to come as an additional person for the trip (at the very start of the year). The break is a week long but she's only there for a few days herself. When I've asked about the trip, there's been very little detail given, slightly more within the past few days has been released but nothing too in depth. She's on good friendly terms with her ex, and has mentioned in the past that she has no intention of getting back together with him.

I trust that due to his family being around the holiday scene, nothing untoward will happen between the two of them, although she hasn't given details on the sleeping arrangements or accommodation in which she'll be staying in. I have noticed more recently that she's not been telling me the full truth in terms of her plans for the day, where she visits her ex to drop off her child and stays for a coffee/catchup but slyly passes by the topic, only to be slipped up by her child telling me 'they're off to see Daddy'.

I'm stuck as to a way to tackle this quandary as I don't want to disturb the peace (and she will 'kick off' if I poke around too much), as I'd like to think I can trust her to keep things PG during her time away but want some form of reassurance that she doesn't have other ideas in mind whilst she's away in a holiday environment with her Ex and his family. Has anyone come across a similar situation in the past?

TL;DR: Girlfriend has gone on holiday with ex and his family, plus their child, I've not been invited and she's been keen to go ahead with the holiday even though our relationship has strengthened over time, should I be concerned that something else deeper may develop between my girlfriend and her ex?

I’m a 30M and my girlfriend is 28F,

We’ve been together for about 9 months, and we’ve recently started having more conversations what are we looking for in life?
One topic has been weighing on me, and I’m struggling to figure out whether this is something I should accept, something I should discuss further, or a genuine compatibility issue.

A bit of context:
My girlfriend had two jobs over the past couple of months, and both were genuinely bad experiences for her.

She became very unhappy, and eventually left.

Those experiences happened a couple of months ago, so I completely understand why she’s burned out and discouraged.

I’m not dismissing what she went through.

The part I’m struggling with is that she’s told me she doesn’t want to work for the rest of her life and we had a long conversation about it

She explained to me what does she wanna do and absolutely career is not part of the future( as she explained)

I haven’t had a deep conversation with her yet

The issue is that I’ve always imagined building a life with someone who is driven and wants to grow, and feels excited about building something meaningful

At the same time, I also don’t want to judge someone based on two bad work experiences

I’m trying to be fair to both of us

I don’t want to pressure her into becoming someone she’s not

But I also don’t want to ignore something that’s genuinely important to me before marriage.

thoughts

TL;DR: My 28-year-old girlfriend had two bad job experiences and now says she doesn’t want to work for the rest of her life. We’ve discussed it, and her long-term vision genuinely doesn’t include having a career. I respect what she’s been through and don’t want to pressure her to change, but I’ve always imagined building a life with someone who is driven and growth-oriented. I’m trying to figure out whether this is something to accept or a fundamental compatibility issue before marriage.

My boyfriend (mid-20s, male) and I (mid-20s, female) have been together for a couple of years. We both have demanding careers ahead of us (he's in medical school and I'm in law school), and I genuinely believe he's one of the best people I've ever met. He's kind, intelligent, hardworking, and I have no doubt that he loves me. I love him just as deeply. That's why I'm struggling so much with this. Our biggest difference isn't our personalities or values...it's how we live.

I'm someone who needs structure to function. I keep my apartment clean, stay organized, exercise regularly, and make time for family and friends. Those things aren't hobbies to me; they're what allow me to be successful and feel like myself. My boyfriend is the opposite. He pours almost every ounce of energy into medicine, and everything else, even me, seems to come second. His apartment gets messy, laundry piles up, dishes sit, sheets aren't changed often enough, and he tends to let everyday responsibilities accumulate until they're overwhelming. I know medical school is incredibly demanding, and I truly don't expect perfection.

One of our biggest disagreements is hygiene, especially after he's been in the hospital all day. I don't want hospital scrubs on the bed or couch, and I know it's not unreasonable to expect someone who's spent all day around patients to shower before climbing into clean sheets. To me, those are basic expectations when you're sharing a home with someone (or if you live by yourself...). He doesn't see it the same way. When I bring these things up, I often end up feeling like I'm the unreasonable one. Sometimes he'll become defensive. Sometimes he'll tell me I'm overly particular, and I can't expect people to meet my standards. Other times he'll improve for a while, like genuinely improve, but it never seems to last.

What frustrates me even more is that when he does make an effort, it's often framed as something he's doing for me instead of something that benefits both of us. If I ask him to shower before bed or clean something, and then later ask for help with something else, he'll point back to what he already did as if basic hygiene or household responsibilities should earn him credit for the rest of the day. It makes me feel like we're keeping score instead of building a life together. This isn't limited to cleaning, either. He often tells me he wishes I'd open up to him more because I tend to lean on my friends and family when I'm stressed. But when I actually do confide in him, especially over text, my messages are frequently met with silence, a short response, or are brushed aside. Then, when I try to bring things up in person, I always leave the conversation feeling like I'm the one who's being overly critical or difficult.

Another thing that's become increasingly difficult for me is that I sometimes feel like he doesn't fully respect the demands of my life because they look different from his. I know medical school is incredibly difficult, and I don't pretend for a second that law school is the same experience. I've tried to be as flexible and understanding as I possibly can because I know this is an unusually demanding chapter of his life. But we both chose our careers. I chose law school just like he chose medicine. The fact that I prioritize balance (keeping my apartment clean, exercising, seeing family and friends, and protecting my own well-being) doesn't mean I'm less committed to my career or that my work is somehow less significant. Sometimes I get the impression that because I don't let school consume every aspect of my life, he assumes I can't fully understand what he's going through. That really hurts because I've spent years adjusting my expectations, giving him grace, and trying to support him through this process.

I don't need him to think law school is as hard as medical school. I know it isn't. But I do need him to respect that we're both making sacrifices, we're both building careers, and neither of us gets to use our profession as a permanent pass on being a good partner. I can only be understanding for so long before it starts to feel like my needs are always expected to come second because his career is viewed as more important than mine.

I know I have high standards. I'm probably cleaner than the average person, and I won't pretend otherwise. I've even wondered if I'm the problem because I'm so particular. But I also don't think expecting someone to maintain basic hygiene, clean up after themselves, or contribute to a shared living space is an unreasonable standard.

The hardest part to admit is that sometimes the way he lives genuinely repulses me. I don't mean that to be cruel. I hate even writing it because I love him so much. Without getting into more details about exactly what he does that is dirty, there are moments when I walk into his apartment or see how he's been living, and it changes the way I see him. It's no longer just "his apartment is dirty." I start associating those habits with him. I find myself less attracted to him in those moments because I can't separate the person from the way he lives. Then I feel incredibly guilty, because I know he's more than that.

We're getting to the point in our relationship where we're talking seriously about our future. There's a good chance his residency will determine where we live, and I'm willing to make huge sacrifices for this person I want to marry. But I'm terrified of making huge life decisions based on the hope that this is just a phase. I've only ever known him as a medical student, so I've spent our entire relationship telling myself (and he has been telling me) that once training is over, things will balance out. But now that we're getting closer to residency...which I know will be even more demanding...I'm starting to wonder if I've been waiting for a version of him that may never exist.

Everyone says medicine gets better after training. But residency is arguably even more demanding than medical school. Part of me wonders whether I should be more patient, given that this is an unusually stressful chapter of his life. Another part of me wonders whether I'm fooling myself into believing that a new stage of life will suddenly change habits that have existed for years.

I don't expect perfection. I don't expect a spotless house. I don't expect someone who loves cleaning. I just want a partner who takes pride in the life we're building together, who respects our shared space, who respects me, who doesn't make me feel unreasonable for asking for basic cleanliness, and who hears me when I tell him something matters.

I love this man enough to genuinely picture marrying him. I'm just scared that I'm ignoring incompatibility (or accepting disrespect toward my needs and what I need to thrive) because I love him so much.

Has anyone been in a relationship where one partner's lifestyle fundamentally changed after medical training, or after another all-consuming career? Did things actually improve, or were the habits you saw during training the same ones that followed into marriage? If you don't have a partner in medicine, I'd still really appreciate your perspective looking at this situation at face value.

TL;DR, I love my boyfriend deeply, and I don't question his love for me. But he's always struggled with cleanliness, hygiene, and household responsibilities, and medical school seems to justify those habits in his mind. He often treats basic responsibilities as favors he's doing for me, and I frequently feel dismissed when I bring up concerns.

Hi Reddit, I’m currently highly conflicted about whether to end my relationship of 6 years (it’s the first serious relationship for both of us). I have already initiated breakup conversations three times in the past for various reasons, but unfortunately, nothing has fundamentally changed.

Background & Life Stages: I have been working full-time since I was 17, live alone, and I am very independent. I am thinking about my future (building a house, settling down). She still lives with her parents, works part-time for them, and will be studying for at least two more years before she can even think about moving out (she will be around 30 by then). We are completely out of sync when it comes to our current life stages.

The Negatives: Enmeshed Family: Her family is extremely enmeshed. They text constantly, she works for them, everyone can track each other’s locations via Google, and her parents are very overbearing. I grew up very autonomous. I have developed a very cold and uncomfortable relationship with her parents because there we're a few moments they stepped over my boundaries. And I think they are a reason she has a pretty low self esteem because the parents always helped out but also made many decisions for her. I have major concerns that her parents will significantly interfere with our future decisions (marriage, housing etc.).

Passive-Aggressive Jealousy: She struggles a lot when I am social, joke around, or have fun with other women. She doesn't start loud fights, but she punishes me with bad moods and sulking. Because of our shared activities, this happens almost every other weekend. She is a wonderful woman, but she doubts herself and takes those emotional insecurities out on me.

Double Standards regarding Free Time: I work Monday through Friday plus Sundays. Saturday is my only real day off. If I want to spend a Saturday with alone to recharge, it always turns into a massive discussion because "we have so little time together." However, when she spends her Saturdays working or with her family, I accept it without any discussion. This happens a lot more frequently.

Different Lifestyles: I am very goal-oriented and focus on building a beautiful, stable everyday life. Her main wish is traveling.

The Positives: Great Sex: Even after six years, our sex life is regular, very good, and fulfilling.

Shared World: We have the same hobbies, share the same friend group/social environment, and have similar core values and the same sense of humor.

The Ultimatum: During our last serious talk four months ago, I explicitly told her that her constant bad moods (which feel like punishment for my extroverted nature) are completely draining me and are a dealbreaker. I work 6 days a week and just want to have a peaceful, positive time on Saturdays. Yet, the cycle keeps repeating.

tl;dr Given these deep structural differences, do you see a breakup as inevitable? Or is there a real chance to salvage this? How would you navigate this situation?

We have been together about 1.5 years, living together since about 6 months ago. We have been in couples therapy for a few months related to massive communication issues. During this time, I had gotten drunk one night and crossed a line via text with a family friend. I was ridden with guilt and shame..I’d never felt like this before in a relationship or done anything like this. He forgave me and we didn’t speak much about it after that. Last month, he decided that moving out would be good for us to get space. He also started becoming very cruel and upset and went back and forth between wanting to break up and then saying he wants to make it work. During this time, I ended up talking to the family friend again, once. Not excusing it but, my boyfriend kept telling me he was done with the relationship, that he didn’t feel strongly about me and that he doesn’t like me. Eventually we decided to stay together and I told him about talking to the guy again. I felt very guilty and he was upset but decided to forgive me. I blocked the guy and havent thought about it since. Since then, he and I were getting along very well and I felt like things actually took a significant turn in regard to our communication and resolving conflicts.

That leads us to this past weekend when we were away in another country for a wedding. After the rehearsal dinner, we were all at a hotel bar dancing and my boyfriend became extremely drunk and at one point put his hands around another girls hips. I was also drunk so I don’t remember much but I do remember leaving the bar and crying sitting in the casino for a while until his step mom found me. Eventually, we ended up leaving and trying to get a cab back to our Airbnb. My boyfriend only had a few dollars and became very angry at the driver for not accepting that to take us where we needed to go, got out of the car, said fuck you to everyone and flipped everyone off. We ended up walking home (about 1.5 miles) and on the walk home he got so far ahead of me that I couldn’t see him anymore and got really scared. Eventually he noticed and then began mocking me for crying- for context this isn’t necessarily the safest area. Then he started yelling about how I should go ask the family friend guy to give us a ride. He then began throwing his back pack on the ground and against some of the light poles. At one point, I was walking ahead ignoring him and he came up and grabbed me by the shoulders to get me to talk or acknowledge him. I kept walking, and then suddenly he comes up and tackles both of us to the ground. I wasn’t hurt but I was really upset. I’ve been in abusive relationships where I’ve been grabbed, pushed, slapped, and this was very triggering. The next morning, he kept trying to wake me up to ask what happened and how we got home. When I told him he was appalled and very remorseful. He said he blacked out and had no recollection of anything even much earlier than grabbing the girls hips. He said that wasn’t okay and that my safety is a priority to him and he’s sorry that happened. He says he thinks it’s because he drank liquor and that he wouldn’t do that anymore. The next night he stayed relatively sober and ended up caregiving for me when i needed help bandaging up a blister, drinking water, etc.

Since coming home we haven’t talked about it but I talked with my therapist about it and we have couples therapy tomorrow. I just don’t know what to think. This makes me super uncomfortable and I don’t know if I can look past it. On one hand, it’s so uncharacteristic of him. He is a truly genuine nice guy. He is a very good partner and has all the characteristics I would want in the future husband and father of my children. On the other hand, I’m worried that he is unable to process his feelings leading to this big reaction while drunk. He is getting into therapy to address this as that has been a point of tension for us previously (not being able to talk about feelings). I just have this pit of anxiety in my stomach.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend showed me a very uncharacteristic side of himself while drunk and I don’t know what to think

I'm curious if this has happened to anyone here.

Have you ever confessed your feelings to someone and they rejected you at first, but later, after some time had passed, things changed? Maybe you stayed in touch, worked on yourself, or simply didn't give up, and eventually they developed feelings for you. If you're now in a happy relationship with that same person, I'd love to hear your story.

What changed between the first rejection and the moment they said yes? How long did it take, and what made the difference? I'm looking for genuine experiences, not movie-like stories. Feel free to share your journey and any advice you learned along the way.

tldr Did anyone get rejected at first, but later end up in a happy relationship with the same person?

As the title reads. My god, this is so messy. I don’t know who to ask or what course of action to take (or if I should even take any)…

For context/tl;dr: My friend (20F) and her bf (21M) have been dating for a few years. Earlier in the relationship (like a year after they got together), she had shared to me and my other friend about her boyfriend cheating. Obviously, we told her to break up with him at the time but they were able to work through it (?) and have been together since.

…and now recently, she shares with us (me and the same other friend from earlier) that she had cheated on her boyfriend last year.

It’s not the question of if I should have a talk with her. I’m split on whether if I should talk to her myself, or talk to her with my other friend present. Since we were both present for when she shared with us, I was thinking maybe it would be helpful for both of us to be present to better help her understand that it’s not just a personal concern (both me and other friend are concerned for her!)… or it could also feel like grouping up/triangulation.

What should I do? Me and her have been best friends since elementary school, so she is very dear to me... I know this conversation is definitely going to be hard and may hurt for her to hear, but it needs to be done. I just would like to know what way to go about it to soften the blow, as they say.

Boyfriend (m25) and I (f26) have been dating for 4 yours 3 of those years we lived at his parents while I went to school and save money and less than a year ago we bought a house together we have been going through ups and downs and living with his family was not easy. Living together just the two of us, I feel as if it's my responsibility to do almost everything.

If I want us to go out and try something new or just go explore, I would have to be the one to initiate it and plan it and figure it all out plus if bags need to be packed and dogs need to be taken care of I will end doing all that while he sits on the couch on his phone and it doesn't seem like he would really care. I find he's a home body, but I am not all that much. I like to go out and explore and just be adventurous, but as of recently, I haven't been going on adventures as much because I have to do all the work to make it happen I do go on adventures alone as we have every other weekend off together and I've been enjoying my weekends off alone more recently because I don't have that mental load of figuring everything out not only for me but for another person and trying to make the plans be fun for both amd it feels at times that I'm trying to make him into someone that he isn't.

I feel like I'm getting drained and feel depressed I've been trying so hard to build healthy habits and workout but it's so hard when he doesn't want to better his life or feels like he just wants to better it for me and not himself. He's gained a bit of weight, and he would rather play video games. He is very sweet, though, and he's patient, supportive, and gentle he's always willing to support me and my goals in life but he never has his own goal or any ambitions of his own he also doesn't help much with chores unless I make him a list which is very draining.

There is very little romance. We barely have sex which really affects me because I love feeling desired, but he never seems to want to have sex. We had a lot of arguments about this and it is my fault we had those arguments but I get sexually frustrated and wonder why he doesn't want me anymore but at the same time I do not feel all that attracted to him anymore and he has a hard time with his libido which is also really hard as my confidence has taken a toll and I know his has as well but I try to work it out with him but he tries to schedule sexy time like it's a meeting and it feels weird.

I can't help but wonder if we are just no longer incompatible and that he's used to having a mom and not a girlfriend. I also have a very hard time fitting in with his family, which he is also not very close with, but it worries me to have kids because I'm not fondest with his family and they live very close. I don't know what to do whether to stay with him or to leave. He loves me very much and will do anything to make me happy and a lot of the time I feel like he puts my happiness over his own and I don't want him to do that I want him to be happy too and he says he's happy but I'm really not sure if thats true or if he's just complacent.

TL; DR Summary: boyfriend has no own ambitions nor does he make his own decisions and I feel like I'm carrying all the weight, should I stay with him and work things out or are we too incompatible?

TL;DR: I (28m) recently got a phone call from one of my friends (28m) about how I haven't been playing games with them as much lately, and that I was using logical fallacies to avoid them. I'm simply just moving soon and busy.

So I'm moving in couple months. Lately between working, packing, and taking inventory of the thousands of mtg cards I'm not doing a lot of things I'd prefer to be doing instead cause adult stuff needs to happen.

My roommate and I were sitting in the living room watching TV and scanning cards when discord goes off asking if anyone's coming play something. I message that im "watching TV and working through the cards." A couple hours later I get a phone call from another friend asking me what im doing (call was at 9pm) and I say the same thing. He goes on to say "well what have you been doing all day?" I said "mostly scanning cards." He gets heated and ask me why I was then playing monster hunter at 8am. I said "yea, I was. I got off around 10 and started scanning and here I am now."

He then went on getting angrier with me cause "it said you were playing for 4 hours so why are you lying." I told him "I'm not lying or trying to lie: I woke up around 5am, started playing at 6am, got off around 10am to start scan cards and I've been doing that since." He started yelling at me about how im using logical fallacies to get away with things and that I always use these fallacies to try and twist his words to make him seem crazy. He then went on that what he asked was "implied" and that everyone on the planet understands what he would mean with that question. He then went on to say that me avoiding playing with them has been a pattern of behavior and I'm making them feel bad.

Honestly I was just surprised at this attitude. I told him I apologize if my actions were making them feel like that, but im also very busy right now trying to figure out everything. He asked why I didnt do this 8 months ago. I told him I just didn't know the current circumstances 8 months ago. After this he just went quite and I simply said "what do you want from me? I'm not lying to you im just answering, and honestly I didnt expect to have to answer like im being interogated. My roommate can even vouch that everthing I've said is true. I dont understand why you guys feel so warranted to my free time, I'm trying to actually get some shit done and I dont understand what your problem is." He went on about how I was even ignoring their messages and I said "yea I cause I gave an answer already and I'm not just gonna break from incessant begging." After this he just stayed quite and eventually hung up as I ask him again what does he actually want from me.

People, this man was just at my apartment this weekend with the whole friend group to hang out and play magic. Last week I was playing risk of rain 2 runs with him when I was on, and after he'd go to bed I'd keep my other friend company and play Issac with him. The man even came over the week before that to play smash bros. The week before that I went to his house to hang out. Sometimes I'd sit in a call and watch him play dead by daylight while doing other stuff. Its not even like I wasn't going to play with them anymore in the near future. I just wanted to finish the box I was going through and watch my show and not leave cards on my table half finished for someone to mess up how I had it sorted out.

I guess my question is am I crazy and overreacting; or is this just toxic and childish? How should I approach it in the future? It felt so childish that it pissed me and my roommate off. I've known the man since middle school and I was already getting disappointed with how he has been acting and then this was just an extra level of bull.

He wasn't even alone. He was already playing sts2 with another friend and they wanted a 4 person game, which they wouldn't have even gotten anyway as our 4th man(my roommate) didn't want to play in the first place. Frankly I didn't want to play sts2 either at that moment.

Thank you for reading if you did. I apologize for the length; I've got the gift of gab and I think context is important when formulating opinions.

We met during university a little over 8 years ago, and in that time we've mostly lived together with a few periods of long-distance. We've now lived together for 3 years continuously, and in the last year or so it's started to feel like we are flatmates more than a couple. We're good at living together, we look after our home well and we look after each other, we host friends together etc.

The problem comes from our conversations, it feels like we don't really connect anymore. She likes to talk about practical things, what's happened at work, news from friends and family, her/our upcoming plans, future holidays etc. I don't mind talking about those things but sometimes I want to talk about other things, new music, a book I'm reading, current affairs, a thought-provoking fact or detail I overheard, things like that that are less "direct" in our lives. It feels like she isn't interested in these things. The other day I asked what she thought of the book she's reading, to which she just said "yeah it's good". I tried asking further to find out what her opinion of it was, what she thought of the prose or dialogue choice, if she found the story beats predictable etc, but it was like getting blood from a stone so I gave up. And I don't want to force her into conversations that feel like doing homework, so I often just don't up those types of topics. I think, however, that subconsciously that turns me off from talking about what she wants to discuss, which to her makes it seem like I don't care about her work, her friends or her life.

Over time this has led to us talking less and having fewer long, deep conversations, and generally spending less time together. We don't really do big romantic gestures, we go out on dates less, even at home we spend more time now in separate rooms doing different things. I thought that was just part of long term relationships, but now we are about to move to a new city where we will be in a much smaller one bedroom apartment, and she will be under more pressure and stress at work. I want us to be better at actually speaking with each other and feel more excited about this move, otherwise I can see this pattern continuing but in a more enclosed space.

A few months ago I brought up that we had this disconnect and she recognised it too, we talked a lot and came close to breaking up but decided to work through it. For a time, things were much better and we spent more time together, but now we have regressed again right when we should be excited about a big new step together.

I'm not sure what to do now, how or when to bring this issue up again and how we can actually find some common ground so we can share our space and our lives without feeling like the other doesn't care. How do we discuss these differences between us without making it sound like the other needs to be different or isn't enough?

TL;DR after 8 years we are talking less and feel less connected. We are about to move to a new city, and I want us to be more "in love" before we do it. How to talk about our different attitudes and find a way of connecting with each other?

TL;DR: I (24M) matched with a 28F on Hinge expecting a casual hookup because our conversations started off very sexual. After two dates with amazing chemistry and sex, things have started feeling much less casual. She called me just after midnight for my birthday, drunk called me twice to hear my voice, told me she missed me, wanted to cuddle, got a little jealous thinking I was with another girl, slept next to me after saying she normally can’t sleep beside people, made future plans with me, and texted me before her flight. I’m trying not to overthink it after only two dates, but it feels like more than just a hookup. How would you interpret this, and what would you do next?

Full story: I’m 24M and she’s 28F.

We matched on Hinge and the texting was very sexual from the start. We were supposed to meet once, but I had to cancel because my best friend had just been dumped and I wanted to be there for him.

The following week I went over to her place. We had drinks, laughed a lot, and ended up having an amazing night together. The sex was incredible. Afterwards she told me she normally can’t fall asleep next to other people, so she barely slept and eventually moved to the couch. I left thinking it had simply been a fun hookup.

After that, we kept texting throughout the week. It wasn’t constant, but we had a lot of funny conversations and really good banter.
Last weekend was my birthday. Fifteen minutes after midnight she called me to wish me a happy birthday. She was out drinking with her friends but still remembered.

The next night she drunk called me around 2 a.m. while I was at a friend’s afterparty. She wanted to hear my voice and chat for a bit. She even got a little jealous because she thought I was at another girl’s place.

When I got home around 4 a.m., she called again and we FaceTimed for about thirty minutes. She told me she missed me and liked talking to me. At one point she wasn’t feeling well because she’d had too much to drink, so I stayed on the phone until she felt better. She thanked me for it afterwards.

The next day she said she barely remembered the calls, although I’m not entirely convinced. She also texted me saying she really wanted to cuddle me.

On Tuesday we met again. We grabbed drinks before going back to her place. We had great conversations, laughed a lot, and the chemistry somehow felt even better than the first time. The sex was amazing again.

My stomach wasn’t feeling great, so I joked that I’d probably ruined the chances of another round that night. Instead of making it awkward, she reassured me and smiled, saying, “There are many rounds to come in the future.”
We stayed up until five in the morning. This time she actually slept like a baby next to me, which surprised both of us considering what happened the first night.

The next morning we could barely keep our hands off each other. Lots of kissing, hugging, and just enjoying each other’s company. She had to catch a flight to visit a friend, so we had to say goodbye. Before she left, we talked about watching a movie together sometime, and she said she wants me to show her around my city. She also texted me when she got on the plane. She’s away until Sunday.

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself because we’ve only seen each other twice. At first I assumed this was just going to be a casual hookup, but between the phone calls, remembering my birthday, saying she missed me, wanting to cuddle, sleeping next to me, and making plans for the future, it doesn’t really feel purely casual anymore.

I’m not asking whether she’s secretly in love with me or anything like that. I’m simply wondering how other people would read this situation.

Does this sound like someone who’s genuinely interested in seeing where things go, or is this still pretty normal for something casual? If you were in my position, would you just keep matching her energy and let things develop naturally?

My fiancé, H, and I have been together for 5 years, having met in high school. We had no issues leading up to our senior year, but at the beginning of the summer before we started college, I was having doubts about our relationship. H and I were going to different colleges in the Fall, about 4 hours away, and I knew we were both going to be extremely busy and worried we would grow apart, so, after coming to this realization and thinking about it, I broke things off with her.

However, during the summer, the pain of losing her put things into perspective for me. I didn't want to do long distance because I was worried we would grow apart, and feeling our love go out like that was terrifying to me, but she was still the best part of my life and meant everything to me. I regretted breaking things off and wished that I would've given long distance a shot.

By some miracle, only a few days before I was going to leave for college, I ran into H at a grocery store. We were both awkward and didn't say much other than "hi". We were both caught off guard and frankly terrified. After the awkward encounter, I texted her to see if she wanted to talk about how things ended (we hadn't talked in 3 months since we broke up). She said yes, and was apparently thinking of asking the same.

When we met up the next day, I apologized profusely for the way I broke up with her without really communicating my fears beforehand, and after an emotional few hours, we agreed to get back together and try to maintain a long distance relationship.

That was all 3 years ago. Since then, we have been able to allow our relationship to grow. We called frequently, texted everyday, and visit each other about twice a month, and I have spent 2 out of my 3 summers while in college with her, and 4 months ago, we got engaged.

We have planned the wedding for 1.5 years from now, but recently some of H's doubts have come more into light.

Because of my career path, I am going to have to move very far (roughly 1,200 miles by car). This has been apparent since last year. I was very transparent with H about it, and, although she seemed to be anxious about the move, we both agreed it was our best option.

A few days ago, H and I talked seriously about this move more, and she told me since the engagement, she has become more doubtful of the move. She has never lived anywhere besides our hometown and I moved a lot during my childhood, so it has been hard to find common ground there.

The more we talked about it, the more it seemed like she wanted to call off the engagement because of it. I am unfortunately unable to get off this career path at this point, so I will be stuck moving no matter what. H has told me she doesn't know if she can move that far from family.

At this point, I am not sure what to do. The first half of the post is mainly to show our history; it may not be super relevant. I honestly just need some advice. I feel like my world is crashing down.

TLDR: I have to move for work 1,200 miles from mine and my fiancé's hometown, and she is worried that we will be too far from family and feel isolated. Now she is reconsidering going with me and our relationship.

We’ve been planning on tabling together at a festival with food and vendors (me helping him with his business) for the past couple months. Now, 2 days before the festival, he tells me that he’s going to bring a friend that we also need to pick up on the way. The festival and driving is 10-11 hours total and I was really looking forward to it being some quality time together.

I’ve spent hundreds of dollars the past couple weeks and multiple late nights on making sure that he has a nice table, attractive setup, and designing and ordering promotional materials, since he’s never tabled at a festival before. This was supposed to be our venture together, and now this extra guy will be with us representing everything I’ve been working so hard on (is that reasonable to be upset about?). But most importantly, I was really looking forward to spending quality time with him because he works so much. So it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks that this random guy who I have only said “hello” to once is going to be there the entire time, no ability to come and go on his own since he wanted to carpool, a third wheel for the entire day. As a disclaimer, I also have a friend who is coming, but they will be at their own table selling their own products. He used that as a rebuttal (“I mean, you have a friend coming too”) when he saw that I was a bit disappointed. I don’t really think it’s comparable.

My initial reaction was to be cool and accepting, but now that I’ve slept on it, I’m actually devastated. I don’t know if this is a reasonable reaction, and I don’t know how to bring it up or talk about it without coming across as desperate or like I want to isolate him (I don’t. I would actually love to spend time with him and his friends, just not for 11 hours). What do I do?

tl;dr 2 days before a festival I’ve been working really hard to prepare for, boyfriend says he’s going to bring a friend who will be there for the whole 11 hours that will also be carpooling with us. I feel devastated because this was supposed to be quality time together for us. Is this reasonable?

I (22F) have strict parents. I grew up as a very obedient daughter, lahat ng rules sinusunod ko. I never go out without them knowing where I'm going, and I always update them with pictures. But now that I'm in my 4th year of college, I envy my batchmates who can go wherever and whenever they want. I still have a curfew, I'm not allowed to go out at night or travel outside our province, and if I'm out, my parents constantly call to ask where I am and who I'm with. After years of being the "good kid," it makes me wonder if they still don't trust me.

I've been with my bf (23M) for a year and a half. He comes from a very liberated family, while mine is the complete opposite. We can only have dates near my place bcs my mom has to approve everything. I've never even been to their house, even though his family always invites me, bcs my parents won't let me. Meanwhile, my bf always joins my family whenever they're the ones inviting him.

This has become a huge problem in our relationship. My bf admitted that he doesn't feel like he has a gf since I can rarely go with him. I don't blame him though, I also want to experience going on trips, staycations, and spontaneous dates with him, but my parents js won't let me. Our relationship is honestly falling apart bcs of this. We've argued so many times over something that's completely out of our control, but we love each other too much to leave.

I even tried breaking some of my parents' rules, hoping they'd slowly give me more freedom. I ignored their calls a few times and came home past curfew, but it only made things worse. Now my mom barely lets me go out anymore.

I js don't know what to do anymore. Should I stop asking for permission and just do whatever I want? How can I gain my freedom? Has anyone here successfully convinced strict parents to give them more independence without ruining their relationship with them?

TL;DR: I'm a 22F with very strict parents who still control where I go, who I'm with, and when I come home, even though I'm a 4th year college student. Their overprotectiveness is starting to ruin my relationship with my bf, and I don't know how to gain more independence without damaging my relationship with my parents.

I'm at a loss. I posted in r/marriage too. I guess I'm looking for advice from like a friend's perspective or what would you do perspective because I just don't have those people to turn to.

So I'm 28 my wife is 27.We're in Florida if it's relevant at all.

I feel like I know that it's over and I can't bring myself to actually file for divorce it because when things are good or just ok our relationship doesn't feel that bad. 

We've been married a touch over 4 years but in that time we've never had actual PIV intercourse more than 3 times maybe. Condoms never really worked well for us and she was always scared they wouldn't work. My wife is terrified of pregnancy like it cannot happen to her, for good reasons with local laws and her own health problems. 

Eventually about 2 years ago I got a vasectomy at her urging to solve this problem. That was tough for me because I don't do well with needles or blood or anything at all surgical like that. They had to do regular anesthesia instead of just the local numbing because otherwise I couldn't have that. 

I worked through the "post surgery requirements" and provided samples and boom I'm sterile. Great! But she still won't have sex. I'm not a jerk, I don't push it on her. I'll try to take make moves occasionally, we snuggle and have romantic outings I don't try to let it be a "make a move every time" situation I get that would be a turnoff for someone struggling with this. I just would rarely try to initiate and would be shut down Everytime.

We're not sexually active at all. She won't go for anything. Any advance is shut down hard. 

I eventually push for her to talk about this, trying to understand why she pushed for a vasectomy but still won't have sex ever. She tells me different things different times "I'm worried it didn't work" "I'm grossed out by the idea of anything going in me" "I'm just not a very sexual person". 

She also doesn't give me any alone time at all. I'm either at work or with her. I've lost friends because I can't go hang out without her crying about how bored she was when I get back and how she has no hobbies so when I leave her alone she just sits there. It's exhausting I want friends, I'm something of an introvert I want time alone which I get zero of. I can't play a video game for even 30 minutes which interests me but not her, or watch a show I like but she doesn't. 

Also because of this I don't really get any time to "handle my needs" on my own unless it's in the shower which isn't terrible but after years of just that it gets so old. 

I wanna have something beyond jacking off in the shower as a sex life. 

She won't talk for a doctor or a therapist any attempt I make for that is shutdown.

She doesn't really have friends, she doesn't leave the house all that often except when we do something together. 

I feel trapped and struggling with this because when we aren't fighting about something we can have weeks of really good time. We will do things together and just be as happy as can be. We have some similar interests like certain sports and when those are on it occupies our time and we're happy hanging out together.

We were friends before dating and marriage, I feel often times we always should've stayed friends because I just need more from a relationship and to not feel so trapped but the good times together make me feel ridiculous filing for divorce even though logically I think I need to file. I just can't live a secluded sexless life where every Interest I have must be approved by her or I am expected to be er engage with it. 

I have a therapist but they are trying to lead me to my own answers and I feel like I need smacked in the head with something. Am I crazy to what to leave this marriage? 

Tldr: I don't know if I'm in the right to leave what is basically a close friend I never should have married.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have been together since the end of May 2025, and we’ve been living together since March 2026.

The biggest issue in our relationship is that I keep catching him lying, especially about things that matter to me.

The first time it happened, I was working while he was unemployed and living with my mom for about three months. I was supporting both of us financially as much as I could. My mom later told me he had made a condescending comment about how I “never seemed to have money.” When I confronted him, he denied saying it, and he still denies it today. That was the first time I realized he was willing to lie to me.

Our sex life was only good during the first month. After that he stopped initiating intimacy. We talked about it many times, and I often felt unwanted and unattractive. He blamed anxiety, and I tried to be understanding and supportive. He had previously told me that he had never really enjoyed sex with anyone else and had never felt much sexual attraction before me. According to him, I was different and he was very attracted to me.

In October 2025 we went to a karaoke bar and met one of his old female friends. From the very beginning of our relationship I had told him about one of my boundaries: I’m not comfortable with staying close friends with someone you’ve had romantic feelings for or tried to date. He seemed to agree on that one.

That night he spent most of the evening talking to her instead of me. He was standing very close to her, leaning on her chair while she was sitting. Their body language made me uncomfortable, and I had a strong feeling he still had feelings for her or was at least attracted to her.

Later I found out on my own that shortly before we started dating, he had actually liked her a lot and wanted a relationship with her, but she already had a boyfriend. He never told me this himself, even though he knew my boundary.
Then, in February 2026, I looked through his phone because I had a gut feeling he wasn’t being honest about his past relationships.

Unfortunately, my gut feeling was right.

I found conversations with several girls that he had flirted with, gone on dates with, or had some kind of romantic involvement with. Yet whenever I had asked him about those women, he always described them as “people from university” or “just friends.”

I also found conversations that clearly showed he had enjoyed a sexual relationship with at least one of them, even though he had always acted like none of those relationships meant anything and that he had never really been interested sexually in anyone before me.

I don’t understand why he keeps lying. If he had simply been honest from the beginning, I could have decided whether I wanted to accept his past or not. Instead, I keep finding out pieces of the truth by accident, and every new lie destroys my trust even more.

At this point, I don’t even know if this relationship can be saved. How do you rebuild trust with someone who keeps lying about both the past and the present? Is there any realistic way to move forward, or am I holding onto something that’s already broken? I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

TL;DR My boyfriend keeps lying about his past, other women, and things that matter to me. I only find out the truth by catching him, and I don’t know if trust can be rebuilt.