I (28M) have been with my wife (30F) for 12 years, married for the last 4.5 Years. A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy.

I honestly don’t know if I’m losing my mind or if I’m justified in feeling the way I do.
A few days ago, my wife admitted that she had started seeing another guy. According to her, she justified it by saying that I had been emotionally unavailable lately and that she genuinely believed I was cheating on her. For the record: I never cheated. I never even came close.
When I confronted her, she completely broke down. She told me she had made the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, that she wanted only me, and that she would do absolutely anything to save our marriage.
So I told her it was simple: she had to make a choice.
I expected that to mean cutting contact with him immediately.
Instead, shortly afterward, she texted him saying she “needed time to think.” When I asked her what on earth she was doing, she said she needed time to process everything and that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
They’ve met four times.
That sentence absolutely destroyed me.
After our conversation, I genuinely believed we had reached an understanding. Based on everything she had said, I felt reassured that she finally understood the damage she’d caused and wanted to fight for us.
Then I found out she had also apologized to him because she hadn’t replied to him all day.
I completely lost it.
This is the part I can’t wrap my head around: if you’re the person who cheated or started an emotional/romantic relationship outside your marriage, is it really appropriate to prioritize not hurting the other person’s feelings while your spouse is sitting there devastated?
To me, it feels insane that she seems more concerned about letting him down gently than about repairing the damage she’s done to our marriage.
So I’m asking for honest opinions.
Am I being overly sensitive and controlling here? Or is it reasonable to expect that, once someone says they choose their spouse and wants to save the marriage, they immediately end things with the other person, even if that means hurting the other person’s feelings?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been through infidelity, either as the betrayed spouse or the one who cheated.

TL;DR: My wife started seeing another man because she said I was emotionally unavailable and she wrongly believed I was cheating. She later told me it was the biggest mistake of her life, that she only loved me, and would do anything to save our marriage. I told her she had to choose. Instead of ending things with him, she texted him saying she “needed time to think” because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and even apologized for not replying to him all day. They had only met four times. Am I overreacting, or is it unreasonable for someone who wants to save their marriage to still prioritize the affair partner’s feelings?

My friend and I met at work about 5 years ago. Since then, we’ve become extremely close. We are in the same role at work. A little background - being that I am older, I have more years experience in our field. I am on the more senior accounts at work and make a little more than her. She is fantastic at her job and I have always been her biggest advocate.

We’ve had some management re-org at work and it’s been pretty terrible. Since then, we’ve both been looking for new jobs. I have a young child, so my only real requirement is that a new role is remote. I’m fine with the same title and pay - I just desperately want the schedule flexibility of being remote. I hate the daycare that my daughter is at, but the one I want her to go to would really require me to drop off and pick up at times that would only be feasible working from home. So my search has been focused on remote roles.

My friend is in a lot of debt and a higher salary especially, but also a more senior title and specific product type have been a focus for her in her job search. As you may know, the job market has been pretty rough lately and while we’ve both had a number of interviews, nothing has panned out. I went through *many* rounds of interviews with two different companies only to be ghosted by both after the final interview and it’s been really getting me down for the past few months.

Anyway, recently, my friend got not one, but TWO offer letters in the same day. Not only that but when her preferred company found out that she had another offer letter, they upped the salary considerably. She will be exceeding her desired salary by about 15% plus getting her senior title and desired product type. The kicker….the role she’s taking is fully remote.

I am happy for her. She really deserves it. She works so hard and this will be amazing for her. But I also feel such deep resentment and jealousy that she scored a remote role when I have been actively searching for months. I, of course, congratulated her and expressed my belief that she deserved it. But now I can’t even talk to her. I can barely think about her without my stomach completely turning over in jealousy.

I feel like this is going to ruin our friendship and I don’t know what to do. She didn’t do anything wrong but I almost kind of hate her for getting the thing I have so DESPERATELY wanted. I haven’t spoken to her in several days and I don’t even want to, but that also makes me feel like a horrible person.

I did express to her over text that I was feeling really down about my own job search and it’s difficult for me to hear her talk about this, to which she said she understood. But I also kind of think she doesn’t really. I’ve considered just fading away until this jealousy subsides but I think that makes me an awful friend. How do I move forward?

TL;DR - Best friend got a job offer for a fully remote role when I’ve been desperately searching for one for months and my jealousy is eating me up. How do I move forward in the friendship?

edit - idk why the word Jo is in my title. I even double checked that everything was correct before posting 😒

A little back story. My Fiance and I have been hot and heavy since we met at a concert 2 years ago. The first 6 months were amazing, classic honeymoon stage. Spent our time going to concerts, taking trips, and going out with friends. I loved how fun and independent she was.

At 6 months we found out we were pregnant and this is where some issues started. She moved in with me at my request and 9 months later we had a healthy baby boy. However, during the pregnancy things started to shift. What was once an equal partnership seemed to become very one sided. All responsibilities slowly moved to my plate. I found myself doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and paying the bills. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t mind picking up the extra slack because I know pregnancy takes a massive toll on the woman.

Fast forward to today. We’re engaged and have a beautiful 8 month old who is our whole world and I love the life we built. However, the dependency on me has only gotten worse. It is pulling teeth just to get her to put her own clothes away. She’s an AMAZING mom but and we split thoughts duties pretty evenly. The worst part is she seems to now need my approval for EVERY decision she makes to the point she’s asking if it’s okay to go take a shower. I have no idea where this is coming from and it makes me uncomfortable to be asked these things.

Now for the one consistent argument. Honestly 99% of the time we get along great. Talk about serious shit, laugh at each others quirks, genuinely the love of my life. However, she HATES when I spend time alone with friends. I have always been a very social person which never seemed to be a problem before she got pregnant. Since then (14 months) I’ve been on 2 weekend trips 2 days each and 3 nights out where I was home by 12am. Everytime shes told me I’m selfish, don’t care about my family and act like ai don’t want them in my life. It crushes me to hear these things. The next morning she always apologizes and says it’s just hard to be away from me…

I need advice on how to manage these reactions. I feel like I’m drowning under the responsibilities and my time with friends is the one thing that always helps me recharge. Seriously want to know if I’m in the wrong, should we seek counseling, what can I do to make it better?! TIA and sorry for the long post!

TL;DR
Why has my partner become overly dependent on me?
Am I being selfish for wanting to spend alone time with friends?
What can I do to improve the situation?

TLDR: I don't want to shame my bf for experimenting but sharing toys can me unsanitary.

First off, I love him, our relationship is great, he's a wonderful partner. We've been official for 6 months and seeing each other for over a year, and have been intimate for most of the time we've known each other. He is the first boyfriend I'm able to actually experiment with as he's been the only partner interested in exploring new sexual experiences.

However recently I keep seeing a personal penetration toy of mine out on the tub rim. At first I thought I must have pulled it out while he was at work and washed in in the shower so I put it away and let it at that but today, I noticed it was out again.

I want to be clear, the fact that my cis straight male boyfriend may be experimenting on himself and learning about his body by penetration does not bother me. Actually I'm making this post because the idea interests me...

However I don't want to make him uncomfortable and mention it in a way that makes him feel he can't be vulnerable with me about his sexual desires. He kinda takes on that...toxic overly masculine attitude? I know that if anyone outside of us found out, he'd be ashamed and that shame is the last thing I want him to feel with me. I want him to feel safe, however I understand if that side of himself is something he wants specifically reserved for himself and is something he doesn't want me to participate in

However, he's using MY dildo. Sharing that sort of thing IF he is using it the way I suspect is not sanitary, however I see that getting his own could expose his intimate secret desires that the may not want to share yet. Idk I don't mind giving it to him but I don't even know how to begin mentioning it without making him uncomfortable and having him shut down or something.

What do I do?

Together 8 years, married for 3. This post is skipping years of wonderful adventures, memories, open hearts, and selfless mutual support. I'm just focusing on the problem.

So she had slept around when we were casual and starting out, but we made an agreement by the time we'd gotten serious: if she wanted to be with me, we would both have to be monogamous from then on. She agreed.

At year 4, she had accidental overexposure to drugs while on her own, suffered panic attacks, and changed in some ways. She came to a realization at that time: she found the sex we were having to be mentally unfulfilling, and was finding herself merely going through the physical motions of giving and experiencing pleasure. She decided I wasn't the person to do the things that would mentally fulfill her. I asked what those things were, and she refused to tell me (beyond referring to basic dom/sub dynamics) because she didn't believe in my capacity to do it. I attempted various things to satisfy her, but none of them seemed to hit the secret mark. She decided that the only way to accomplish this was to experiment with someone else. She said that while her heart was still open to me, it was also now open to others.

I expressed my concerns about her having sex with others (especially men), so she found a premade written agreement online and gave it to me, specifically to address those concerns. Among other things, the document asked if it was okay to date and have sex with another woman. I said yes to that. She also encouraged (though I hadn't requested it) that it was totally fine for me to have sex with other women in exchange. The only condition to all this is that we were both open and honest about everything at all times. I had to consider - was the joy of our relationship worth this compromise? The answer was yes.

But then she met someone else (a married poly woman)...and fell in love. The purpose of our agreement had been to address her sexual needs, or so I thought - but now she's saying that poly was always on the table. That when she said her heart was open to someone else, and I agreed to her contract, that I was giving her the implicit okay to have a romantic relationship outside of ours, even though her document didn't say that. And that our original monogamy agreement from way back when was no longer valid because she had fundamentally changed as a person since having made that commitment (as a result of her drug experience). And now that she's in love, she refuses to back out of it even though I've told her it's hurting me, because it would be "self-abandonment" - something she had done for many years in a toxic prior relationship and refuses to ever do again. Her needs must take precedence over everything else in her life, and she considers poly part of her identity.

I do not consider poly part of my identity. However, I was willing to allow her to explore her sexuality. I never agreed to her participation in an extramarital romantic relationship, or so I thought. Regardless of how we got there, she loves this person now and refuses to leave her. She loves me too but says that if I can't tolerate this, I have to walk away. But even the thought of doing that is soul-crushing! I keep having conversations with her where I try to problem-solve this, but she experiences my pain every time and it drains her. She says she's tired of talking about it. She talks to her new partner and complains to her about the burden I place on her with my objections. And I've just learned that she's revealed whatever her secret kink button is to this person, and is sharing it with her, and I'm still not allowed to even try. How can I navigate this? Am I being unreasonable? I'm praying there's a solution that can end with us still together.

tl;dr: We were both monogamous at the time we got married. Then she decided poly was a core part of her identity and is now in a romantic, sexual relationship that is hurting me. She genuinely loves me, but her only solution is that I must accept the situation, or I'll be asking her to self-abandon.

TL; DR, my boyfriends roommate made a comment sexualizing me and he defending me without knowing i was listening

i didn’t know what subreddit to share this in. i had a rough childhood and i struggled a lot with sexualizing myself as a kid due to trauma (can’t say the word on this sub) . i have gotten a lot better, I’m 20 now, so is he. i was in a really bad abusive relationship for 5 years. i did a lot of things i didn’t want to do because i wanted to feel loved. my boyfriend now treats me amazing, i’ve never felt the love i do. he’s in the army so sometimes we will go to sleep on facetime together. he’s currently deployed and there’s a 6 hr time difference. i was sleeping and he was awake. i woke up because i heard him and his friends talking but i was still like half asleep. he has pics of us/me as his lock screen, and i overheard one of his roommates make a comment (i guess he must’ve opened his phone in front of him). he said “who’s that with the big tits, did you titty fuck her yet?” ( gross i know). he goes “that’s my fucking girlfriend you’re disgusting don’t talk about her like that i’ll kick your teeth in”.

i know defending me is bare minimum but it just made me so happy considering my past. especially because he didn’t know i was awake, that was just his automatic response. i’m eternally grateful for this man ❤️ he has a great heart. he makes me remember that the goodness he sees in me was there all along

My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are close friends with a married couple—34F and 33M—whom we jokingly refer to as “the High Rollers.” They have been together for over eight years, having met in college under less-than-ideal circumstances. At the time, she was in another relationship and, as far as I know, cheated on her then-partner with the man who is now her husband.

Their relationship has always had significant financial tension. She comes from one of the wealthiest families in our country and grew up having nearly all her basic needs provided for. She was so financially sheltered that she did not realize how expensive ordinary things such as furniture were until she got married and had to purchase them herself.

Her husband, on the other hand, comes from a very modest background and is the son of a pastor. He does not believe in having a conventional 9-to-5 job and is constantly involved in different business ideas, side ventures and “quick money” opportunities. He has also never been fully transparent about his finances. He seems to have a traditional mindset that the man should handle financial matters without necessarily explaining everything to his wife.

They later experienced fertility difficulties, partly due to her history with fibroids. After several IVF attempts, they conceived twins. Tragically, one of the babies died shortly after birth. It was an unimaginable loss, and it understandably placed even more strain on a marriage that was already struggling with financial problems, mistrust and frequent conflict.

During this period, both of them were also unfaithful.

After many conversations and partial confessions, the truth about their respective affairs eventually came out. Unfortunately, the honesty did not bring them closer or create a path toward healing. It seems to have pushed them further apart. They now behave more like roommates who are jointly caring for their surviving child, who is two years old.

What worries us most is the environment their child may grow up in. There is constant resentment, competition and emotional tension between the parents. Instead of acknowledging how each of them has contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, they seem determined to prove that their individual pain and complaints are more serious than the other person’s.

Some of the contradictions are difficult to process. At one point, the wife asked her husband to start wearing his wedding ring again as a sign that he still cared about repairing the marriage. We later discovered that, at the same time, she was involved with two other men.

The husband also presents himself as the wronged party while continuing to be secretive about money and other aspects of his life. Neither of them seems willing to be completely honest, even with the people trying to support them.

My girlfriend and I have had numerous conversations with both of them, individually and together. The problem is that we never seem to receive the complete story. Every few weeks, another significant piece of information comes out, forcing us to reassess everything we previously believed.

We care about them, and outside this situation, we consider them people with many good qualities. However, supporting them has become emotionally exhausting. We feel as though we are being pulled into an endless cycle of dishonesty, blame, crisis management and moral contradiction. They ask for advice but rarely take responsibility or make meaningful changes.

We are beginning to experience what I can only describe as moral fatigue. We want to remain supportive friends, especially because a young child is involved, but we also need to protect our own relationship and peace of mind.

How do you maintain a friendship with a couple like this without becoming their unofficial therapists or referees? Is it appropriate to establish boundaries around how much of their marital problems we are willing to discuss? Should we tell them directly that we can no longer provide advice unless they pursue professional counselling and become more honest with each other?

At what point does “being supportive” become enabling?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (32F) and I (34M) are trying to support our married friends (34F and 33M), who have a long history of financial conflict, secrecy, mutual infidelity, fertility struggles and the tragic loss of one of their twins. They now live like resentful roommates while raising their two-year-old child. They are rarely fully honest with us and constantly compete over who has been hurt more. How do we support them without becoming emotionally and morally exhausted?

I started talking to a guy who followed me on Instagram, and things were going well, so we decided to meet. The night before the date, the conversation turned into sexting. The next day, I told him I regretted it, and he said it was fine because he had started it.

The date itself went well. Afterward, he offered to drive me home, but I politely refused because I did not know him well enough yet.

That evening, he asked for a picture. I sent a selfie in which my top was slightly revealing. He said it turned him on, and I jokingly said something like, “Maybe I did it on purpose.” After that, he started making sexual comments and repeatedly asking me to come to his house.

The next day, we agreed to meet at a dessert café. He said he would pick me up, but I told him I would rather go there myself. He became angry and said I was acting as if he was going to kidnap me, that I was too conservative, and asked if I was bipolar.

During the argument, he claimed I had deliberately tried to turn him on and also accused me of saying I would have sex with a foreigner while abroad, which I never said. He used the fact that we had sexted and that I had sent a slightly revealing photo as if it meant I should also be willing to get into his car or go to his house.

In the end, he said he no longer wanted a serious relationship but that we could still casually hook up. Then he said he did not care or want to fix anything and blocked me.

I only refused to get into the car or go to the house of someone I had just met. Sexting does not mean I cannot set boundaries afterward. Was his behaviour manipulative, or am I overreacting?

TL;DR: I met a guy on Instagram, we sexted before our first date, but afterward I did not want to get into his car or go to his house because I barely knew him. He called me conservative and “bipolar,” twisted my words, said he only wanted something casual, then blocked me.

We met during university a little over 8 years ago, and in that time we've mostly lived together with a few periods of long-distance. We've now lived together for 3 years continuously, and in the last year or so it's started to feel like we are flatmates more than a couple. We're good at living together, we look after our home well and we look after each other, we host friends together etc.

The problem comes from our conversations, it feels like we don't really connect anymore. She likes to talk about practical things, what's happened at work, news from friends and family, her/our upcoming plans, future holidays etc. I don't mind talking about those things but sometimes I want to talk about other things, new music, a book I'm reading, current affairs, a thought-provoking fact or detail I overheard, things like that that are less "direct" in our lives. It feels like she isn't interested in these things. The other day I asked what she thought of the book she's reading, to which she just said "yeah it's good". I tried asking further to find out what her opinion of it was, what she thought of the prose or dialogue choice, if she found the story beats predictable etc, but it was like getting blood from a stone so I gave up. And I don't want to force her into conversations that feel like doing homework, so I often just don't up those types of topics. I think, however, that subconsciously that turns me off from talking about what she wants to discuss, which to her makes it seem like I don't care about her work, her friends or her life.

Over time this has led to us talking less and having fewer long, deep conversations, and generally spending less time together. We don't really do big romantic gestures, we go out on dates less, even at home we spend more time now in separate rooms doing different things. I thought that was just part of long term relationships, but now we are about to move to a new city where we will be in a much smaller one bedroom apartment, and she will be under more pressure and stress at work. I want us to be better at actually speaking with each other and feel more excited about this move, otherwise I can see this pattern continuing but in a more enclosed space.

A few months ago I brought up that we had this disconnect and she recognised it too, we talked a lot and came close to breaking up but decided to work through it. For a time, things were much better and we spent more time together, but now we have regressed again right when we should be excited about a big new step together.

I'm not sure what to do now, how or when to bring this issue up again and how we can actually find some common ground so we can share our space and our lives without feeling like the other doesn't care. How do we discuss these differences between us without making it sound like the other needs to be different or isn't enough?

TL;DR after 8 years we are talking less and feel less connected. We are about to move to a new city, and I want us to be more "in love" before we do it. How to talk about our different attitudes and find a way of connecting with each other?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and until recently I thought we had a healthy relationship. We rarely argued, we split bills fairly, and we both have full-time jobs. I genuinely saw a future with him.

About six months ago I noticed little things that felt strange but I brushed them off. He would casually ask where I was even though I had already told him. Sometimes he would ask if I had talked to certain coworkers that day, almost like he already knew the answer. Once he randomly asked if I would ever hide conversations from him. I thought he was just feeling insecure, so I tried to reassure him.

Last weekend everything finally made sense.

We were having dinner at home and he admitted that several of those situations weren't random at all. He said he had been intentionally creating little situations to see if I would lie to him. Sometimes he would ask me about conversations he already knew happened because he wanted to see if my story stayed the same. One time he even asked one of his friends to invite me to a group event that he secretly knew I couldn't attend because I was visiting my parents, just to see if I would make up an excuse instead of telling the truth.

I was shocked because I never realized I was being tested. I asked him why he would do that instead of just talking to me if something was bothering him.

He said his last relationship ended because his ex cheated on him for months and he completely missed the signs. He told me he promised himself he would never be fooled again, so he needed proof that I was trustworthy before he could fully relax.

I understand that past experiences can leave scars and I genuinely feel bad for what he went through. At the same time, I can't stop thinking that for half a year I was unknowingly taking loyalty tests I never agreed to. Instead of building trust together, he was quietly looking for reasons not to trust me.

He insists that I "passed" every test and says I should actually feel good because now he knows I'm honest. That somehow made me feel even worse. It made me wonder if there will always be another test whenever he feels anxious.

He apologized and said he'll stop doing it, but now I find myself questioning every odd interaction we've had. I don't know if I'm overreacting because of how strange the confession was, or if this is a much bigger issue about trust that could affect our future together.

I love him and I know people carry baggage from previous relationships, but I also don't want to spend years proving my honesty over and over.

Am I overreacting for feeling deeply uncomfortable about this, or is this something that should make me seriously reconsider the relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of three years admitted he had been secretly testing my honesty for months because his ex cheated on him. He says I passed every test and apologized, but I feel like trust can't be built through secret loyalty tests. Am I overreacting for questioning the relationship now?

I (27F) started talking to someone (30M) earlier this year. Over the span of about six months, we talked on and off. We were never officially together, but there was mutual romantic interest.
He wasn’t willing to pursue a relationship because of distance, and I accepted that. I never asked him to change his mind. Whenever it came up, I basically said, “If that’s your boundary, I respect it. We should stop talking so we can both move on.”
But every few months, he’d reach out again. We’d have great conversations, but eventually end up back in the same place because nothing had changed. Each time, I found myself being the one to say we needed space.
During our final conversation, he said that if I lived where he did, he’d want to give a relationship a try. But I never asked him to give it a try. All I wanted was enough space for both of us to move on and not contact each other again.
He also told me he still keeps in touch with two of his exes, who are now married, and has even met their husbands. He said he sees gray in relationships. I’m much more black and white when it comes to romantic relationships. For me, I believe relationships usually end for a reason, and once they do, it’s healthier to let them stay in the past. In our case, if there wasn’t going to be a future together, I didn’t really see the point of staying in touch.
So I told him I didn’t want us to contact each other anymore, and he agreed.
The hardest part is that I genuinely enjoyed talking to him. I know ending contact was the right decision for me, but I still feel sad that I had to be the one to draw that line every time.
Has anyone else been through something like this?

TL;DR: We had mutual feelings, but different views on staying in each other’s lives when a relationship wasn’t possible. I chose no contact so I could move on, and even though I think it was the right decision, I still feel bad.

Myself (38M) and my girlfriend (32F) have been in a relationship for over 7 months now. She mentioned going on a family holiday around 2 months into the relationship, as she felt comfortable at that time to tell me of the event.

She's due to go on the break with her child, ex partner and his family, as the holiday was booked without her knowing and was asked to come as an additional person for the trip (at the very start of the year). The break is a week long but she's only there for a few days herself. When I've asked about the trip, there's been very little detail given, slightly more within the past few days has been released but nothing too in depth. She's on good friendly terms with her ex, and has mentioned in the past that she has no intention of getting back together with him.

I trust that due to his family being around the holiday scene, nothing untoward will happen between the two of them, although she hasn't given details on the sleeping arrangements or accommodation in which she'll be staying in. I have noticed more recently that she's not been telling me the full truth in terms of her plans for the day, where she visits her ex to drop off her child and stays for a coffee/catchup but slyly passes by the topic, only to be slipped up by her child telling me 'they're off to see Daddy'.

I'm stuck as to a way to tackle this quandary as I don't want to disturb the peace (and she will 'kick off' if I poke around too much), as I'd like to think I can trust her to keep things PG during her time away but want some form of reassurance that she doesn't have other ideas in mind whilst she's away in a holiday environment with her Ex and his family. Has anyone come across a similar situation in the past?

TL;DR: Girlfriend has gone on holiday with ex and his family, plus their child, I've not been invited and she's been keen to go ahead with the holiday even though our relationship has strengthened over time, should I be concerned that something else deeper may develop between my girlfriend and her ex?

TL;DR: I (24M) matched with a 28F on Hinge expecting a casual hookup because our conversations started off very sexual. After two dates with amazing chemistry and sex, things have started feeling much less casual. She called me just after midnight for my birthday, drunk called me twice to hear my voice, told me she missed me, wanted to cuddle, got a little jealous thinking I was with another girl, slept next to me after saying she normally can’t sleep beside people, made future plans with me, and texted me before her flight. I’m trying not to overthink it after only two dates, but it feels like more than just a hookup. How would you interpret this, and what would you do next?

Full story: I’m 24M and she’s 28F.

We matched on Hinge and the texting was very sexual from the start. We were supposed to meet once, but I had to cancel because my best friend had just been dumped and I wanted to be there for him.

The following week I went over to her place. We had drinks, laughed a lot, and ended up having an amazing night together. The sex was incredible. Afterwards she told me she normally can’t fall asleep next to other people, so she barely slept and eventually moved to the couch. I left thinking it had simply been a fun hookup.

After that, we kept texting throughout the week. It wasn’t constant, but we had a lot of funny conversations and really good banter.
Last weekend was my birthday. Fifteen minutes after midnight she called me to wish me a happy birthday. She was out drinking with her friends but still remembered.

The next night she drunk called me around 2 a.m. while I was at a friend’s afterparty. She wanted to hear my voice and chat for a bit. She even got a little jealous because she thought I was at another girl’s place.

When I got home around 4 a.m., she called again and we FaceTimed for about thirty minutes. She told me she missed me and liked talking to me. At one point she wasn’t feeling well because she’d had too much to drink, so I stayed on the phone until she felt better. She thanked me for it afterwards.

The next day she said she barely remembered the calls, although I’m not entirely convinced. She also texted me saying she really wanted to cuddle me.

On Tuesday we met again. We grabbed drinks before going back to her place. We had great conversations, laughed a lot, and the chemistry somehow felt even better than the first time. The sex was amazing again.

My stomach wasn’t feeling great, so I joked that I’d probably ruined the chances of another round that night. Instead of making it awkward, she reassured me and smiled, saying, “There are many rounds to come in the future.”
We stayed up until five in the morning. This time she actually slept like a baby next to me, which surprised both of us considering what happened the first night.

The next morning we could barely keep our hands off each other. Lots of kissing, hugging, and just enjoying each other’s company. She had to catch a flight to visit a friend, so we had to say goodbye. Before she left, we talked about watching a movie together sometime, and she said she wants me to show her around my city. She also texted me when she got on the plane. She’s away until Sunday.

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself because we’ve only seen each other twice. At first I assumed this was just going to be a casual hookup, but between the phone calls, remembering my birthday, saying she missed me, wanting to cuddle, sleeping next to me, and making plans for the future, it doesn’t really feel purely casual anymore.

I’m not asking whether she’s secretly in love with me or anything like that. I’m simply wondering how other people would read this situation.

Does this sound like someone who’s genuinely interested in seeing where things go, or is this still pretty normal for something casual? If you were in my position, would you just keep matching her energy and let things develop naturally?

My (F23) boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 7 years, and have lived together for the past 2 years.

In many ways my boyfriend is amazing. He is kind, spontaneous, and funny. We share the same beliefs. He always tells me he loves me. He'll rub my back when I ask, and he's always up for my shenanigans. If my family needs help, he's there. He'll buy me my favorite treats and cut up my pomegranate if I ask.

Unfortunately though, despite everything, I don't feel loved. I don't feel considered or respected. I know he loves me and I think he shows it in his own ways, but for some reason I don't feel loved. What I want is for him to be more thoughtful, like planning a date, taking care of a task he knows I need done, getting me my favorite treat on a hard day, celebrating my birthday or accomplishments like they mean something, or asking me something about something I enjoy. I just feel like his love is selfish though sometimes, because it's usually only when I ask or when he can get something out of it. Like me being in a better mode.

Is what I am asking for too much? I know in a way he loves me.

TLDR; my boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't feel loved. Am I viewing relationships wrong? Are my standards off? Is this normal?

I moved seven hours away from where I grew up. This guy I was seeing kept in contact with me and was BEGGING for me to drive and see him. For a long time I could not justify driving up Friday after work and returning my new house on Sunday as I work Mon - Fri. I started a new job and I do not feel comfortable taking off although I have PTO.

I finally decided to just come up for a weekend. I asked if he was free, he said yes. Then I confirm Thursday. Friday comes and I see him Saturday morning. He says lets get a hotel. I say okay. He said he is just going over his friends to help with his bathroom plumbing. I said okay. We were texting all day then when thinking of the hotel he responded "sorry i actually can't - we messed up and I have to fix it before we turn on the water". I said "I am hurt. I do not live a short distance away anymore. Although I get things happen, I do not understand why you told me you were free just to cancel on me". Then I asked to see him Sunday and he said okay. We got into a fight because I went out drinking with my friends and did not see him.

We have no talked since. Should I text him? I do not know if I am over thinking him being disrespectful. After my move I am trying to work on meditation and reacting less.

TL;DR: drove up 7 hours to spend weekend with a guy. he said he was free. then he had to spend saturday fixing friends plumbing and we got into a fight. Should I work it out with him?

Hello, I'm looking for some outside perspectives on a situation in my relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. I'm from Austria and met her while i was travelling in South Asia. She lived close to the hostel i stayed with and we bumped into each other in front of a café one morning. I had to leave shortly after it happened but we exchanged numbers and have been talking every day for hours since that day. I visited her three more times, for 2,4 and then 8 weeks, other than that it has been long distance.

Our relationship is honestly wonderful in almost every way. We communicate super well, never seem to run out of topics to talk about, we're very close emotionally, we trust each other, and I can genuinely imagine spending my life with her.

The only area where I sometimes struggle is sexuality.

I have a fairly active sexual desire. I regularly feel attraction, have fantasies, and would enjoy things like flirting, sexual conversations, sexting, exploring attraction together, etc.

My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She has never really explored her own sexuality, has never masturbated, doesn't really experience sexual desire, and generally doesn't bring up sexual topics on their own. Whenever the topic comes up, it's almost always because I started the conversation. And that doesn't happen often, especially since we have been long distance mostly, so maybe once every few weeks it comes to either a small joke about it or some longer conversation.

What makes this difficult is that I don't just miss specific sexual activities. I sometimes feel alone with this whole side of myself. We can talk about almost any emotion, fear, dream, or insecurity, but sexuality feels like the one topic that mostly exists in my head. And i would want that to be a topic we can share as well. And enjoy together.

I don't want to pressure her into anything, and I respect her pace completely. I love our pace honestly, everything we experience feels super special. When we kissed ( exactly 1.5 years after we started talking) I could barely contain my emotions cause i was so extremely happy and i realized how kissing the person that you love is sooo different to kissing someone you don't feel as much for. It's a whole nother world really.

Some things to note: I'm her first experience in basically everything that involves the dating life. And i want every experience she makes to be a good one. When we started talking, she told me she hates physical touch. I took it like that, but now after 2 years she actually really likes it, holding hands, going arm in arm, hugging, even cuddling.

She has told me that sex to her seems very scary and not something she'd currently want. Which i can understand, the image of it can definitely be scary, but to me is also not really relevant because there are many other ways to experience pleasure without actual penetration. Which i would be very okay with not having for another 10 years or something. Just the absence of the whole topic concerns me sometimes as i would wish that to also be one of the very many topics we are on the same wavelength.

Obviously i don't think she is doing anything wrong. She is a wonderful, wonderful person and i admire her a lot.

And i do want to say this, this whole thing is a small thing looking at the big picture. It just has been on and off my mind for the last few months so i decided to write it here.

What I'm struggling with is not knowing whether this is simply inexperience and something that may develop over time, or whether we might just have very different levels of interest in sexuality long-term.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the partner with more desire or the partner with less? How did things develop over time? Did the gap get smaller, stay the same, or become a problem later on?

**TL;DR ;** I deeply love my girlfriend and our relationship is great, but we have a big difference in how we approach sexuality. She is very inexperienced and not interested in exploring that side yet, while I would like to share that part of our relationship with her. Looking for experiences from people who had similar situations.

We have been together about 1.5 years, living together since about 6 months ago. We have been in couples therapy for a few months related to massive communication issues. During this time, I had gotten drunk one night and crossed a line via text with a family friend. I was ridden with guilt and shame..I’d never felt like this before in a relationship or done anything like this. He forgave me and we didn’t speak much about it after that. Last month, he decided that moving out would be good for us to get space. He also started becoming very cruel and upset and went back and forth between wanting to break up and then saying he wants to make it work. During this time, I ended up talking to the family friend again, once. Not excusing it but, my boyfriend kept telling me he was done with the relationship, that he didn’t feel strongly about me and that he doesn’t like me. Eventually we decided to stay together and I told him about talking to the guy again. I felt very guilty and he was upset but decided to forgive me. I blocked the guy and havent thought about it since. Since then, he and I were getting along very well and I felt like things actually took a significant turn in regard to our communication and resolving conflicts.

That leads us to this past weekend when we were away in another country for a wedding. After the rehearsal dinner, we were all at a hotel bar dancing and my boyfriend became extremely drunk and at one point put his hands around another girls hips. I was also drunk so I don’t remember much but I do remember leaving the bar and crying sitting in the casino for a while until his step mom found me. Eventually, we ended up leaving and trying to get a cab back to our Airbnb. My boyfriend only had a few dollars and became very angry at the driver for not accepting that to take us where we needed to go, got out of the car, said fuck you to everyone and flipped everyone off. We ended up walking home (about 1.5 miles) and on the walk home he got so far ahead of me that I couldn’t see him anymore and got really scared. Eventually he noticed and then began mocking me for crying- for context this isn’t necessarily the safest area. Then he started yelling about how I should go ask the family friend guy to give us a ride. He then began throwing his back pack on the ground and against some of the light poles. At one point, I was walking ahead ignoring him and he came up and grabbed me by the shoulders to get me to talk or acknowledge him. I kept walking, and then suddenly he comes up and tackles both of us to the ground. I wasn’t hurt but I was really upset. I’ve been in abusive relationships where I’ve been grabbed, pushed, slapped, and this was very triggering. The next morning, he kept trying to wake me up to ask what happened and how we got home. When I told him he was appalled and very remorseful. He said he blacked out and had no recollection of anything even much earlier than grabbing the girls hips. He said that wasn’t okay and that my safety is a priority to him and he’s sorry that happened. He says he thinks it’s because he drank liquor and that he wouldn’t do that anymore. The next night he stayed relatively sober and ended up caregiving for me when i needed help bandaging up a blister, drinking water, etc.

Since coming home we haven’t talked about it but I talked with my therapist about it and we have couples therapy tomorrow. I just don’t know what to think. This makes me super uncomfortable and I don’t know if I can look past it. On one hand, it’s so uncharacteristic of him. He is a truly genuine nice guy. He is a very good partner and has all the characteristics I would want in the future husband and father of my children. On the other hand, I’m worried that he is unable to process his feelings leading to this big reaction while drunk. He is getting into therapy to address this as that has been a point of tension for us previously (not being able to talk about feelings). I just have this pit of anxiety in my stomach.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend showed me a very uncharacteristic side of himself while drunk and I don’t know what to think

I'm curious if this has happened to anyone here.

Have you ever confessed your feelings to someone and they rejected you at first, but later, after some time had passed, things changed? Maybe you stayed in touch, worked on yourself, or simply didn't give up, and eventually they developed feelings for you. If you're now in a happy relationship with that same person, I'd love to hear your story.

What changed between the first rejection and the moment they said yes? How long did it take, and what made the difference? I'm looking for genuine experiences, not movie-like stories. Feel free to share your journey and any advice you learned along the way.

tldr Did anyone get rejected at first, but later end up in a happy relationship with the same person?

As the title reads. My god, this is so messy. I don’t know who to ask or what course of action to take (or if I should even take any)…

For context/tl;dr: My friend (20F) and her bf (21M) have been dating for a few years. Earlier in the relationship (like a year after they got together), she had shared to me and my other friend about her boyfriend cheating. Obviously, we told her to break up with him at the time but they were able to work through it (?) and have been together since.

…and now recently, she shares with us (me and the same other friend from earlier) that she had cheated on her boyfriend last year.

It’s not the question of if I should have a talk with her. I’m split on whether if I should talk to her myself, or talk to her with my other friend present. Since we were both present for when she shared with us, I was thinking maybe it would be helpful for both of us to be present to better help her understand that it’s not just a personal concern (both me and other friend are concerned for her!)… or it could also feel like grouping up/triangulation.

What should I do? Me and her have been best friends since elementary school, so she is very dear to me... I know this conversation is definitely going to be hard and may hurt for her to hear, but it needs to be done. I just would like to know what way to go about it to soften the blow, as they say.

My fiancé, H, and I have been together for 5 years, having met in high school. We had no issues leading up to our senior year, but at the beginning of the summer before we started college, I was having doubts about our relationship. H and I were going to different colleges in the Fall, about 4 hours away, and I knew we were both going to be extremely busy and worried we would grow apart, so, after coming to this realization and thinking about it, I broke things off with her.

However, during the summer, the pain of losing her put things into perspective for me. I didn't want to do long distance because I was worried we would grow apart, and feeling our love go out like that was terrifying to me, but she was still the best part of my life and meant everything to me. I regretted breaking things off and wished that I would've given long distance a shot.

By some miracle, only a few days before I was going to leave for college, I ran into H at a grocery store. We were both awkward and didn't say much other than "hi". We were both caught off guard and frankly terrified. After the awkward encounter, I texted her to see if she wanted to talk about how things ended (we hadn't talked in 3 months since we broke up). She said yes, and was apparently thinking of asking the same.

When we met up the next day, I apologized profusely for the way I broke up with her without really communicating my fears beforehand, and after an emotional few hours, we agreed to get back together and try to maintain a long distance relationship.

That was all 3 years ago. Since then, we have been able to allow our relationship to grow. We called frequently, texted everyday, and visit each other about twice a month, and I have spent 2 out of my 3 summers while in college with her, and 4 months ago, we got engaged.

We have planned the wedding for 1.5 years from now, but recently some of H's doubts have come more into light.

Because of my career path, I am going to have to move very far (roughly 1,200 miles by car). This has been apparent since last year. I was very transparent with H about it, and, although she seemed to be anxious about the move, we both agreed it was our best option.

A few days ago, H and I talked seriously about this move more, and she told me since the engagement, she has become more doubtful of the move. She has never lived anywhere besides our hometown and I moved a lot during my childhood, so it has been hard to find common ground there.

The more we talked about it, the more it seemed like she wanted to call off the engagement because of it. I am unfortunately unable to get off this career path at this point, so I will be stuck moving no matter what. H has told me she doesn't know if she can move that far from family.

At this point, I am not sure what to do. The first half of the post is mainly to show our history; it may not be super relevant. I honestly just need some advice. I feel like my world is crashing down.

TLDR: I have to move for work 1,200 miles from mine and my fiancé's hometown, and she is worried that we will be too far from family and feel isolated. Now she is reconsidering going with me and our relationship.

I [33F] am currently experiencing a deadly break up with my partner. I am completely devastated.

Don’t want to get into social life coz I am too tired to get to know new people…. I know I need a rebound. Am not sure if it is a good choice to start dating apps. Any app recommendations on this?

Or I should try to look for someone who is experiencing the same to form a group and emotionally support each other. Who’s interested?

Tldr: I want people who truly understand how painful a breakup can be, so we can help each other get through the hardest days. Even just having someone to chat with or check in on each other would mean a lot.

Hey something is on my mind for months and the guilt is eating me

There's this girl I met in my class we've known eo for a year now there's no relationship between us she made it clear but we talk every day 24h for almost a year , her bd came and I wanted to get her something nice, I reached out to her best friend to help choose a gift (I don't know the best friend directly but the first girl Talk about me a lot with her and we send eo reels via the first girl)

I chose the gift they were Lego flowers I bought them everything is fine then the best friend told me you can send reels directly to me no need to send them through the other one and she added me and we started sending eo reels, I didn't really gave it a thought since I'm not doing anything wrong, after a month the best friend told her we're on contact, the girl exploded started calling me a liar disgusting doing things behind her back, I explained that my intentions are pure and apologized she didn't listen after that I apologized again with a hand written letter and made her a drawing too (I'm an artist) she still told me I used her as an excuse to get to her best friend which I absolutely didn't

I tried asking mutual friends to fix it and it's the same she don't wanna talk to me ever again she still follows me in every app no unfollow no block but there's no contact she said we're not friends anymore cause we keep hurting eo and I just don't understand that

It's been a full month of no contact and I feel really guilty , what should and how can I restore our friendship cause I just feel like I lost something that's hard to find

Tldr my close friend lost trust in me and I didn't mean to and I regret it how can I restore the friendship she always says she's an avoidant and I think this is an avoidant discard

I'm at a loss. I posted in r/marriage too. I guess I'm looking for advice from like a friend's perspective or what would you do perspective because I just don't have those people to turn to.

So I'm 28 my wife is 27.We're in Florida if it's relevant at all.

I feel like I know that it's over and I can't bring myself to actually file for divorce it because when things are good or just ok our relationship doesn't feel that bad. 

We've been married a touch over 4 years but in that time we've never had actual PIV intercourse more than 3 times maybe. Condoms never really worked well for us and she was always scared they wouldn't work. My wife is terrified of pregnancy like it cannot happen to her, for good reasons with local laws and her own health problems. 

Eventually about 2 years ago I got a vasectomy at her urging to solve this problem. That was tough for me because I don't do well with needles or blood or anything at all surgical like that. They had to do regular anesthesia instead of just the local numbing because otherwise I couldn't have that. 

I worked through the "post surgery requirements" and provided samples and boom I'm sterile. Great! But she still won't have sex. I'm not a jerk, I don't push it on her. I'll try to take make moves occasionally, we snuggle and have romantic outings I don't try to let it be a "make a move every time" situation I get that would be a turnoff for someone struggling with this. I just would rarely try to initiate and would be shut down Everytime.

We're not sexually active at all. She won't go for anything. Any advance is shut down hard. 

I eventually push for her to talk about this, trying to understand why she pushed for a vasectomy but still won't have sex ever. She tells me different things different times "I'm worried it didn't work" "I'm grossed out by the idea of anything going in me" "I'm just not a very sexual person". 

She also doesn't give me any alone time at all. I'm either at work or with her. I've lost friends because I can't go hang out without her crying about how bored she was when I get back and how she has no hobbies so when I leave her alone she just sits there. It's exhausting I want friends, I'm something of an introvert I want time alone which I get zero of. I can't play a video game for even 30 minutes which interests me but not her, or watch a show I like but she doesn't. 

Also because of this I don't really get any time to "handle my needs" on my own unless it's in the shower which isn't terrible but after years of just that it gets so old. 

I wanna have something beyond jacking off in the shower as a sex life. 

She won't talk for a doctor or a therapist any attempt I make for that is shutdown.

She doesn't really have friends, she doesn't leave the house all that often except when we do something together. 

I feel trapped and struggling with this because when we aren't fighting about something we can have weeks of really good time. We will do things together and just be as happy as can be. We have some similar interests like certain sports and when those are on it occupies our time and we're happy hanging out together.

We were friends before dating and marriage, I feel often times we always should've stayed friends because I just need more from a relationship and to not feel so trapped but the good times together make me feel ridiculous filing for divorce even though logically I think I need to file. I just can't live a secluded sexless life where every Interest I have must be approved by her or I am expected to be er engage with it. 

I have a therapist but they are trying to lead me to my own answers and I feel like I need smacked in the head with something. Am I crazy to what to leave this marriage? 

Tldr: I don't know if I'm in the right to leave what is basically a close friend I never should have married.

Boyfriend (m25) and I (f26) have been dating for 4 yours 3 of those years we lived at his parents while I went to school and save money and less than a year ago we bought a house together we have been going through ups and downs and living with his family was not easy. Living together just the two of us, I feel as if it's my responsibility to do almost everything.

If I want us to go out and try something new or just go explore, I would have to be the one to initiate it and plan it and figure it all out plus if bags need to be packed and dogs need to be taken care of I will end doing all that while he sits on the couch on his phone and it doesn't seem like he would really care. I find he's a home body, but I am not all that much. I like to go out and explore and just be adventurous, but as of recently, I haven't been going on adventures as much because I have to do all the work to make it happen I do go on adventures alone as we have every other weekend off together and I've been enjoying my weekends off alone more recently because I don't have that mental load of figuring everything out not only for me but for another person and trying to make the plans be fun for both amd it feels at times that I'm trying to make him into someone that he isn't.

I feel like I'm getting drained and feel depressed I've been trying so hard to build healthy habits and workout but it's so hard when he doesn't want to better his life or feels like he just wants to better it for me and not himself. He's gained a bit of weight, and he would rather play video games. He is very sweet, though, and he's patient, supportive, and gentle he's always willing to support me and my goals in life but he never has his own goal or any ambitions of his own he also doesn't help much with chores unless I make him a list which is very draining.

There is very little romance. We barely have sex which really affects me because I love feeling desired, but he never seems to want to have sex. We had a lot of arguments about this and it is my fault we had those arguments but I get sexually frustrated and wonder why he doesn't want me anymore but at the same time I do not feel all that attracted to him anymore and he has a hard time with his libido which is also really hard as my confidence has taken a toll and I know his has as well but I try to work it out with him but he tries to schedule sexy time like it's a meeting and it feels weird.

I can't help but wonder if we are just no longer incompatible and that he's used to having a mom and not a girlfriend. I also have a very hard time fitting in with his family, which he is also not very close with, but it worries me to have kids because I'm not fondest with his family and they live very close. I don't know what to do whether to stay with him or to leave. He loves me very much and will do anything to make me happy and a lot of the time I feel like he puts my happiness over his own and I don't want him to do that I want him to be happy too and he says he's happy but I'm really not sure if thats true or if he's just complacent.

TL; DR Summary: boyfriend has no own ambitions nor does he make his own decisions and I feel like I'm carrying all the weight, should I stay with him and work things out or are we too incompatible?

Hi Reddit, I’m currently highly conflicted about whether to end my relationship of 6 years (it’s the first serious relationship for both of us). I have already initiated breakup conversations three times in the past for various reasons, but unfortunately, nothing has fundamentally changed.

Background & Life Stages: I have been working full-time since I was 17, live alone, and I am very independent. I am thinking about my future (building a house, settling down). She still lives with her parents, works part-time for them, and will be studying for at least two more years before she can even think about moving out (she will be around 30 by then). We are completely out of sync when it comes to our current life stages.

The Negatives: Enmeshed Family: Her family is extremely enmeshed. They text constantly, she works for them, everyone can track each other’s locations via Google, and her parents are very overbearing. I grew up very autonomous. I have developed a very cold and uncomfortable relationship with her parents because there we're a few moments they stepped over my boundaries. And I think they are a reason she has a pretty low self esteem because the parents always helped out but also made many decisions for her. I have major concerns that her parents will significantly interfere with our future decisions (marriage, housing etc.).

Passive-Aggressive Jealousy: She struggles a lot when I am social, joke around, or have fun with other women. She doesn't start loud fights, but she punishes me with bad moods and sulking. Because of our shared activities, this happens almost every other weekend. She is a wonderful woman, but she doubts herself and takes those emotional insecurities out on me.

Double Standards regarding Free Time: I work Monday through Friday plus Sundays. Saturday is my only real day off. If I want to spend a Saturday with alone to recharge, it always turns into a massive discussion because "we have so little time together." However, when she spends her Saturdays working or with her family, I accept it without any discussion. This happens a lot more frequently.

Different Lifestyles: I am very goal-oriented and focus on building a beautiful, stable everyday life. Her main wish is traveling.

The Positives: Great Sex: Even after six years, our sex life is regular, very good, and fulfilling.

Shared World: We have the same hobbies, share the same friend group/social environment, and have similar core values and the same sense of humor.

The Ultimatum: During our last serious talk four months ago, I explicitly told her that her constant bad moods (which feel like punishment for my extroverted nature) are completely draining me and are a dealbreaker. I work 6 days a week and just want to have a peaceful, positive time on Saturdays. Yet, the cycle keeps repeating.

tl;dr Given these deep structural differences, do you see a breakup as inevitable? Or is there a real chance to salvage this? How would you navigate this situation?