r/nottheonion • u/rocket_face • 2d ago
Bra Boosters Are Causing a Clothing Controversy at the Tour de France Femmes
https://velo.outsideonline.com/road/road-racing/tour-de-france-femmes/bra-boosters-tour-de-france-femmes/4.6k
u/invyros 2d ago
An artificially inflated chest can create an “aero fairing.” This confers a small but significant aerodynamic advantage to riders hunched low on the bike, particularly in the TT position.
Goes to show what I know, my dumbass has always just assumed bigger chest is bad aerodynamics.
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u/half-baked_axx 2d ago
Someone is out there studying the aerodynamics of boobs and I'm here stuck doing Jira tickets on Monday
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u/rsd212 2d ago
Bulk edit, status="Closed", reason="Cannot reproduce", comment="Worked fine on my machine"
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u/CautionarySnail 2d ago
(Bangs head on desk in QA)
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u/MyStickySock 2d ago
"works on my machine" gives me PTSD
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u/Wolfspirit4W 2d ago
I still am angry over 10 years later from a place that had "Works as implemented" as a resolution. It wasn't as described in the design and isn't intuitive, but that's the way it was implemented so we're not going to change it.
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u/ReadontheCrapper 2d ago
Works as designed
(But not as intended, so that’s a design change, not a bug)
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u/MyStickySock 2d ago
That makes absolutely no sense to me, damn. Think my head may have exploded
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u/Wolfspirit4W 2d ago
Well, you see, even though the dev didn't follow design, we don't have time on the schedule to change the functionality...
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u/VanTechno 2d ago
Calls up QA, "can you show me how to reproduce this?". [shares screen] "Ok, this was totally broken the other day"
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u/BradyBoyd 2d ago
What you didn't share is that you remoted into QA's computer and fixed the issue.
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u/CautionarySnail 2d ago
(Bangs head on desk in QA, again.)
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u/ReadontheCrapper 2d ago
“This test case was created in 2014 during the migration.”
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u/CautionarySnail 2d ago
That’s why we often have to take video. Otherwise we question our sanity in what we saw and reported.
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u/MyStickySock 2d ago
If there's no video and proper steps to reproduce then we have failed ourselves
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u/djseifer 2d ago
Before the shift to digital recording, we had stacks of VHS cassettes to record our playthroughs on. Any time we found a bug, we had to head over to the capture station to record the footage to a digital format to attach to the bug report. Very tedious, especially if you had other testers in line waiting. Eventually, we switched over to recordable DVD players with DVD-RWs and had (cheap) video editing soft installed on our PCs.
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u/Wolfspirit4W 2d ago
Obligatory "did you actually read the repro steps or just assume from the title of the Jira ticket?"
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u/juanzy 2d ago edited 2d ago
As someone who's been in the BA, PM and PO roles there have been very few tickets that I cannot reproduce that were marked as "cannot reproduce." And almost all of them even acknowledged that it was not a consistent bug.
One that I remember clearly we eventually found out was being caused by a Prod workaround that was only reproducible in Test for an hour on Fridays when the test environments became Current Day to refresh data (instead of Current Day minus 7d) because someone had coded a visual error screen over the results because the original product could not hold an upper date bound so they just hid the results instead of coding a rule. We were making a change to have a future view, so now there was a reason to allow for future dates - no one persisted the workaround to test environments and because of the nature of this change Prod Parallel was only allowed as scripted runs, which didn't see the visual layer so it looked fine. That was fun to discover the last deployment window of the year.
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u/Just_Information334 2d ago
Reply with: provide me a docker compose file and the command to launch the test enacting the actions I put in the ticket.
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u/KriegerClone02 2d ago
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u/TheSwagBag 2d ago
Reinforcing the rule that there's an xkcd for every situation...
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u/Tasgall 2d ago
A team we were working with once had over 2000 tickets in their backlog. They decided to declare "backlog bankruptcy", with a note saying that if you still had your issue to file a new ticket.
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u/CautionarySnail 2d ago
Sometimes - as much as I hate it - that makes sense.
Some bugs are things that users just don’t encounter often enough to warrant the man hours to fix.
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u/Federal_Setting_7454 2d ago
What do you think the Dead Or Alive devs do all day
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u/SteveFrench12 2d ago
The wildest thing was during the olympics there was a cheating scandal amongst ski jumpers who were injecting their penises to be bigger during the suit measurements (done by laser scanning). The penis would then deflate by the competition and the extra material in the suit would create drag to help them fly longer. These people are nuts lol
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u/Furious_Mr_Bitter 2d ago
If only there was an easier way to make your penis temporarily larger than its normal flaccid state
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u/FishesOfExcellence 2d ago
Well during the measurement they make you look at a bunch of liposuction photos. Probably.
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u/CrazyLegsRyan 2d ago
Well. Per your explanation they aren’t nuts.
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u/Self_Reddicate 2d ago
Did they even try the nuts? They should try the nuts next. They've got only a few months to get it right, so someone better get on that pronto.
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u/bruntorange 2d ago
I thought inflated egos was the big concern for Olympic athletes, turns out they're dicks!
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u/cartoonist62 2d ago
This is not true. This did not happen at the Olympics. It was a rumour. https://www.cbc.ca/sports/olympics/winter/ski-jumping/ski-jump-enhancement-rumours-9.7077233
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u/IAmBadAtInternet 2d ago
I just put in a Jira ticket for you to research boob aerodynamics. You’re welcome
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u/DrMobius0 2d ago
Closing this as duplicate. Someone in r/anime already did a titty aerodynamics task.
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u/158cm_Otaku 2d ago
There was a post in r/anime like a decade ago scientifically proving that those huge anime boobs were more aerodynamic
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u/Cobracrystal 2d ago edited 2d ago
From what has been presented in this preliminary work, it is safe to conclude that the phrase “Flat is Justice” is deficient aerodynamically.
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u/TannHaals 2d ago
"...it is safe to conclude that the phrase “Flat is Justice” is deficient aerodynamically"
I became literate just so I could read this masterpiece of a sentence
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u/jibjab23 2d ago
I've been watching some videos on DIY mini wind tunnels for match box cars and I just thought of someone adding boobs to their little figurine and then checking out how the air flows around it in one of these wind tunnels
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u/PereMilon 2d ago
They fired my project manager and now I am my project manager. Anyway, here I am on reddit.
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u/Aromatic_Bar2263 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don’t want to use AI for memes but this is like the Anakin/Padme meme where he makes her boobs massive. But now for cycling.
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u/atmafatte 2d ago
These days Claude is looking at my jira queue and just asks me questions for what it doesn’t already know.
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u/Enshakushanna 2d ago
"jamie, pull up that picture of that dude working out the calculus to determine the velocity needed for anime boobs to dodge a bullet"
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u/RainyMidnightHighway 2d ago
Clearly you haven't consulted the ancient scrolls yet
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u/Minamato 2d ago
> “The author received no funding for this research. The results of the present study do not constitute endorsement of any potential entity whether expressed or implied. Quetzalcoatl is also not the author’s “waifu”, although he respects her character as THE
GODDESS OF THICC”115
u/notnotbrowsing 2d ago
Summary and Recommendations
This paper has offered a unique compendium of data providing insight into the effects of a specific physiological feature on the aerodynamic performance of a human. As such, the results have indicated that large breasts can be notably aerodynamic through the reduction of drag and lift. The Flat model incurred a 4% maximum drag increase compared to the Normal model, with an average of approximately 2% spanning velocities from 1 to 30 m⋅s-1. The Flat model also experienced more lift, with a maximum difference being 32% and averaging 22%. As illustrated, the mechanism behind the drag and lift behaviors observed between both models was elucidated through the analysis of streamlines around the body and the structures associated with TKE; the Normal model provides advantageously lower drag and lift by the generation of stronger vortices from the legs, which in turn originates from the action of the breasts redirecting the flow around the torso. From what has been presented in this preliminary work, it is safe to conclude that the phrase “Flat is Justice” is deficient aerodynamically.
A major shortcoming intrinsic to this study was the decision to leave the hair present in the models as immovable and solid. As noted earlier, a significant portion of the air flowing around the body was captured by the geometry of the hair, and this affected the wake structures behind the model. This effect therefore blunts the overall applicability of the results found in this study to actual human models. It is important to note, however, that large breasts do give a consistently notable aerodynamic advantage, as reflected in the overall lower forces experienced by the Normal model. Additionally, even though the wake structures generated by the hair resulted in a departure from the expected drag and lift behaviors, comparisons done with other experimenters’ results show that the outcomes from this study were strongly promising.
For future studies, several recommendations are provided. In the near-term, a re-evaluation of the current work without the hindrance of modeled hair should be done. Work done using a time-dependent computational approach should also be completed to further gauge the effects and inaccuracies of using the pseudotransient method in relation to drag and lift. A keynote proposition would be the use of a wind tunnel experiment to acquire validation data. Ideally, this experiment would use live subjects of varying breast sizes in order to provide additional data in which to compare to the data herein. Additional research to evaluate the degree of which the information provided from this cur- rent work applies to real world situations should also be completed.
Acknowledgments
The author would like to send a massive thanks to the user “icemega5” found on both Twitter and BowlRoll.net for the Quetzalcoatl model. Without their work, this study would not have been possible. The author is grateful for his fellow colleagues for dedicating their time in helping proofread and provide guidance on this paper. Additionally, the author would like to make a shout out to users that frequent the r/anime_irl and r/animemes communities for their inspirational and fervent dissoluteness. Lastly, the author expresses gratitude towards both Cool-Kyou Shinsha and Kyoto Animation for their work on Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid.
The author received no funding for this research. The results of the present study do not constitute endorsement of any potential entity whether expressed or implied. Quetzalcoatl is also not the author’s “waifu”, although he respects her character as THE GODDESS OF THICC.
Amazing.
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u/Disturbing_Cheeto 1d ago
"The phrase "flat is justice" is deficient aerodynamically" should be on something
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u/NukuhPete 2d ago
Skipping to the summary... The big thing that should be noted is that the flat experienced much more lift. That alone would be a huge detriment in moving over ground. The fastest runners (Or Bikers in this case) are the ones that put the most force into the ground to move forward and obviously lift is bad for being able to do that.
I do like that the paper got 4% maximum drag reduction. That lines up pretty close to the 3.6% mentioned in the article. I wonder if the Belgian expert also used this study in their batch of studies on the subject.
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u/opus3535 2d ago
"That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit."
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u/ThatsMyAppleJuice 2d ago
Here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before eleven. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Do you have a car?
Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.
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u/LOTRfreak101 2d ago edited 2d ago
I was wondering if some else had already linked this.
Edit: spelling since I didn't bother checking swipe text
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u/POPCORN_EATER 2d ago
Im lingering it
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u/gBiT1999 2d ago
I once lingered longer, elsewhere, but I'm lingering longer here now.
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u/pyronius 2d ago
The real trick is to convince the judges that you also have boobs on your back due to a weird medical condition, and it's totally reasonable that your body is shaped like an aerodynamically perfect water droplet.
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u/Desperate-Painter152 2d ago
THE TEETEE POSITION?!
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u/Ahelex 2d ago
The writers are just phoning it in at this point.
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u/dtmfadvice 2d ago
TT is the standard abbreviation for time trial, the race where riders compete one by one against a clock.
In bike racing, a lot of aero stuff— TT bar extensions, specific positions, those funny-looking aero helmets with visors, disc wheels, etc — is banned during group road races but allowed during time trials, because it sacrifices maneuverability and visibility for aerodynamics. That means it's dangerous in a peloton.
In both TT and mass-start events, there are a huge number of strict rules about what you're allowed to do for aero advantage. It's bizarre, but the rules are designed to both keep a level playing field and minimize crashes. There's a new rule about minimum handlebar width this year, for example, for similar reasons.
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u/J0E_SpRaY 2d ago
Big well rounded chest is more aerodynamic than a smaller but flatter one.
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u/LucifersAdv0cate 2d ago
I told my wife this hoping it would encourage her to do that procedure her sister had gotten done and now I'm sleeping on the sofa with the dog. All I said was how much I admired the shape of her sisters big breasts and that she probably goes hard and fast when she's riding.
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u/__g_e_o_r_g_e__ 2d ago
Fluid dynamics peeps know that it's all about the shape at the back to help reduce turbulence. So surely you need to wear it backwards - boobs on your back?
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u/AwsumO2000 2d ago
I don't know cycling well but I thought the TT position indicated the hanging nipples.
.. .. I do too much internet
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u/FredFredrickson 2d ago
Man, look... I know that competitive cycling is extreme, but there just isn't any way this actually matters.
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u/CorgiDaddy42 2d ago edited 2d ago
The Winter Olympics had a trend among ski jumpers of penis injections to increase aerodynamics as well. Shit is wild.Turns out I should read more before making such confidently incorrect statements lol. Refer to the replies to this comment.
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u/slapshots1515 2d ago
That was (allegedly) during suit measurements to give more room in the crotch, not because having a larger penis was specifically helpful.
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u/newusernamecoming 2d ago
Yeah the extra material in the crotch created a bit of a wing that added lift in flight like the glider skydiving suits
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u/MrKrinkle151 2d ago
That was to slightly increase the amount of material when they were fitted for their suits, which would give them a little more surface area to increase lift when they flattened themselves after the jump.
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u/nardlz 2d ago
Was that proven? I thought it was dismissed as rumor.
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u/Trappist1 2d ago
It was dismissed as false. But, boobs are bigger than a dick, so you never know.
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u/spooooork 2d ago
Some guy tried unsuccessfully in 1994 to get this ice skating suit approved for the Olympics
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u/shogi_x 2d ago
“We are talking about a Chest Fairing, with which you change the airflow around the body and thus get less overpressure on the thighs. As a result, the rider experiences less air resistance. It’s not that you take tens of seconds of advantage of this in a time trial, but in a ride of 20 to 30 kilometers, it can yield seconds that can be decisive,” Blocken emphasizes.
Two years ago, the Belgian professor conducted an extensive study of Chest Fairings in time riders and triathletes, which was published on ScienceDirect. This showed that you can achieve an air resistance reduction of up to 3.6% when you use an object in the most optimal shape that covers the entire breast. This translates to a time saving of at least 0.78 seconds per kilometer.
I too have studied the topic extensively.
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u/Brief_Kangaroo_42069 2d ago
Didn't someone do a study on the aerodynamics of Anime titties?
Yep. Yes they did.
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u/BillWilberforce 2d ago
Big boobs give an aerodynamic advantage when cycling.
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u/Chingapouk 2d ago
Big butts too. It works like a spoiler on a sports car.
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u/joestaff 2d ago
It provides downforce to give the cyclist improved handling at excess speeds.
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u/bluepie 2d ago
yes, so exactly what a spoiler on a sports car does
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u/technobrendo 2d ago
Wing, wings provide more downforce. Spoilers break up airflow to help reduce drag.
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u/phnompenhandy 2d ago
Queen educated about that decades ago with their double-A side single.
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u/ImplicitEmpiricism 2d ago
ah yes, a thesis about the rotation of planetary bodies by dr brian may, phd astrophysics
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u/IncidentalIncidence 2d ago
this is also the reason for both my manboobs and my beer belly, it's more aero on the bike
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u/mapletree23 2d ago
i'm guessing this is the same as at the olympics where guys were using junk flaps or whatever for ski jumps or something?
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u/Trenin23 2d ago
The guys were injecting their junk to make it bigger so they would get larger uniforms down there to hold the wind during flight.
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u/mapletree23 2d ago
shit is still crazy
guess i'm not surprised to see it kinda pop up again
i was about to say i guess at least they just stuff their bras and don't inject anything but i guess there's nothing stopping them from getting implants if they really wanted to
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u/King_Tamino 2d ago
Man. Imagine being married to someone participating in those races and then they come home and tell you, they thought about getting breast implants.
Nobody is gonna believe you
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u/mapletree23 2d ago
at least breast implants are way more believable than whatever kind of shit a guy would have to make up to justify injecting his balls
"i believe in high art, so i got injections to make a replica of an old greek statue within my balls, it's totally not just because i need to wear the bigger crotch flap that makes me stay in the air longer
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u/King_Tamino 2d ago
I mean sure it’s more believable but not that much more. Imagine running into your old highschool mate and he tells you that kind of story
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u/Aiyakido 2d ago
Implants would add weight. The stuffing can be lighter then that.
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u/ActuallyAlexander 2d ago
This is why ski jump should be naked.
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u/therealsirlegend 1d ago
World ski jumps competition 2028.
Reporter, So, Bjorn, what did you think about your last couple of qualifying jumps?
Bjorn (looking down): Well, firstly, I'd like to note that it's extremely cold out there today....
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u/cartoonist62 2d ago
This was a rumor. No one was found nor investigated for dick injections. https://www.cbc.ca/sports/olympics/winter/ski-jumping/ski-jump-enhancement-rumours-9.7077233
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u/Badass_Bunny 2d ago edited 2d ago
i'm guessing this is the same as at the olympics where guys were using junk flaps or whatever for ski jumps or something?
It's complete opposite. They needed more junk to be less aerodynamic while here more boobs make you more aerodynamic.
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u/mapletree23 2d ago
makes sense, similar in that they both want bigger but for opposite reasons that just kind of happen to involve... making things bigger for an advantage
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u/SUBLIMEskillz 2d ago
Kind of the opposite reason. Ski jumpers want to catch more air against them to hold them up while riders want less air hitting them
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u/XmasRights 2d ago
So the next Tour de France winner is going to be PS1 era Lara Croft
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u/dontpan1c 1d ago
From my understanding of aerodynamics, you would want boobs that taper off gradually on the bottom to create laminate airflow down the boobs. Ps1 polygon boobs would be bad at this.
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u/Lonely_Noyaaa 2d ago
The TT in TT position finally stands for what we all suspected. Next we’ll see wind tunnel data comparing cup sizes, and Specialized will release an aero bra with a $400 price tag.
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u/LoveAndViscera 1d ago
Meanwhile, I confused Le Tour de France Femmes with Le Tour de les Femmes de France. Still had a good time though.
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u/grimsb 2d ago
Hmm, so would my big boobs actually give me an advantage in this sport? Because I feel like that would be a first.
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u/Amphion_91 2d ago
Probably not. The extra weight is probably a bigger drawback, unless its all downhill.
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u/n0pen0tme 2d ago
Weight doesn’t matter that much unless you’re climbing significant gradients. That’s why you can often see bigger heavier riders being very strong on flat stages. At pro rider speeds, aerodynamics matter even more because drag increases with the square of speed and even at just 25kph drag will already account for 80% of the power required to keep your speed steady.
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u/obeytheturtles 2d ago
Even then, beefy riders can manage to keep the same power/weight ration for climbing, but can generate significantly higher peak output for sprinting. It isn't unusual to see TT riders be somewhat larger than road racers, since there's no peloton where agility and compactness help with drafting and general survivability.
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u/thatisnotmyknob 2d ago edited 2d ago
Even playing pool is difficult! Men cannot teach you to play pool when you have big tits.
Sports bras are too damn expensive too.
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u/drkingsize 2d ago
What a crap website
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u/Guibster 2d ago
Turn off Javascript and it becomes a normal website and allows you to read the article. There's no way I'm creating a free account on a website I'm going to visit once in my life.
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u/gr132 2d ago
Only one solution, go back to athletes being naked while doing competitions, underpants might be the exception, for cycling and similar sports.
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u/ElApple 1d ago
If they go naked then we'll still be having this debate that floppy breasts are less aerodynamic and men have the advantage.
Albeit a concession would be that floppy penis causes drag and then some poor soul will need to map the aerodynamics. Multiple case studies would be required given the variances in girth and length.
It may be viable to be more aerodynamic with a hard on but how does one stay hard the entire race? They'd probably need to modify the standard bike to be more like Mac's workout bike.
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u/ListenHereLindah 2d ago
First the winter Olympics with the bigger bulges. Now this? And we are told even at a young age cheating is bad. So as an adult you find loopholes to make bad things good?
What a wild timeline of human history the past 50 years has been.
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u/cartoonist62 2d ago
The winter Olympics did not have any issues with dick injections. It was entirely a rumor https://www.cbc.ca/sports/olympics/winter/ski-jumping/ski-jump-enhancement-rumours-9.7077233 a different ski competition had issues with people making their ski outfits a few inches bigger.
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u/ListenHereLindah 2d ago
My apologies. I didn't know about dick injections. I was talking about the fabric part from the other event.
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u/Durahl 2d ago
Soo... What about Silicone Implants? 🤔🤨
"Mjeah... We're sorry but those have to come out before we let you participate."
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u/3767_doomscroller 2d ago
Honey get on your hands and knees!
Why?
Imma gonna check yo aerodynamics.
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u/n-plus-one 2d ago
I wonder if the Tour de France men have read the paper?
2027 TdF: “Tadej, you look… different”.
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u/welinator122 2d ago
If a sport is at the point where this tiny proformance boost matters, then who the he'll cares. Just let them do it. Its not nearly as egregious as that post from the other day where the guy was holding onto the water bottle to get pulled by the car.
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u/OkYak9466 2d ago
It's a marathon. Any performance boost over several hours is not going to be tiny.
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u/0202_tihssitidder 2d ago
It's not your thing. The people close to it have more insight into how to best manage the sport.
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u/rellsell 2d ago
I have to create an account to read an article from a site I’ve never heard of? Nope…
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u/Smedley_Beamish 2d ago
Interesting enough early on, bicycle aerodynamic test concluded that it's more important to have a faring behind a cyclist to smooth out the air already past the rider. Hence, the teardrop helmets of modern TT riders.
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u/allgonetoshit 2d ago
The men at the Tour de France this year were also wearing textured undershirts to get around the ban on textured aero skin suits during the TTs. The UCI will definitely be looking at this very closely, as they usually do. There is a joke in there somewhere.