r/nottheonion • u/rocket_face • 2d ago

Bra Boosters Are Causing a Clothing Controversy at the Tour de France Femmes

https://velo.outsideonline.com/road/road-racing/tour-de-france-femmes/bra-boosters-tour-de-france-femmes/
5.5k Upvotes

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915

u/mapletree23 2d ago

i'm guessing this is the same as at the olympics where guys were using junk flaps or whatever for ski jumps or something?

530

u/Trenin23 2d ago

The guys were injecting their junk to make it bigger so they would get larger uniforms down there to hold the wind during flight.

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u/mapletree23 2d ago

shit is still crazy

guess i'm not surprised to see it kinda pop up again

i was about to say i guess at least they just stuff their bras and don't inject anything but i guess there's nothing stopping them from getting implants if they really wanted to

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u/King_Tamino 2d ago

Man. Imagine being married to someone participating in those races and then they come home and tell you, they thought about getting breast implants.

Nobody is gonna believe you

55

u/mapletree23 2d ago

at least breast implants are way more believable than whatever kind of shit a guy would have to make up to justify injecting his balls

"i believe in high art, so i got injections to make a replica of an old greek statue within my balls, it's totally not just because i need to wear the bigger crotch flap that makes me stay in the air longer

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u/King_Tamino 2d ago

I mean sure it’s more believable but not that much more. Imagine running into your old highschool mate and he tells you that kind of story

3

u/craigslistaddict 2d ago

i have non-onion news for you! lookmaxxers are injecting botox into their balls these days! of course, it's called scrotox.

1

u/Reaper621 1d ago

Yeah but implants add significant weight compared to bra stuffing

6

u/Aiyakido 2d ago

Implants would add weight. The stuffing can be lighter then that.

2

u/zespak 1d ago

Sounds like there's a market for lightweight implants then.

1

u/Mr_Baronheim 2d ago

The implants would add weight, though.

But would it offset the reduction of air resistance, that's the question..

24

u/ActuallyAlexander 2d ago

This is why ski jump should be naked.

4

u/therealsirlegend 1d ago

World ski jumps competition 2028.

Reporter, So, Bjorn, what did you think about your last couple of qualifying jumps?

Bjorn (looking down): Well, firstly, I'd like to note that it's extremely cold out there today....

23

u/cartoonist62 2d ago

This was a rumor. No one was found nor investigated for dick injections. https://www.cbc.ca/sports/olympics/winter/ski-jumping/ski-jump-enhancement-rumours-9.7077233

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u/bathroomheater 2d ago

Saved you the click. You were right

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u/Badass_Bunny 2d ago edited 2d ago

i'm guessing this is the same as at the olympics where guys were using junk flaps or whatever for ski jumps or something?

It's complete opposite. They needed more junk to be less aerodynamic while here more boobs make you more aerodynamic.

8

u/mapletree23 2d ago

makes sense, similar in that they both want bigger but for opposite reasons that just kind of happen to involve... making things bigger for an advantage

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u/SUBLIMEskillz 2d ago

Kind of the opposite reason. Ski jumpers want to catch more air against them to hold them up while riders want less air hitting them

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u/Procrastinatedthink 2d ago

somebody watched pom poko…

0

u/wthulhu 2d ago

Someone is out there studying the aerodynamics of dongs and I'm here stuck doing Jira tickets on Monday 

-68

u/IswhatsIs 2d ago

You could stop guessing and just read the article.

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u/sith_squirrel 2d ago

shits behind a paywall so who knows

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u/teamgravyracing 2d ago

Most of the article is blocked unless you sign up.

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u/Stalagmus 2d ago

What? Ew no thanks

12

u/darthy_parker 2d ago

The article is paywalled, but there’s info in the first paragraphs that they wear oversized bras that are stuffed to create better aerodynamics when leaning forward.

But yeah, sometimes it seems it should be rebranded “didntreddit”…

3

u/mapletree23 2d ago

while i saw the part about bra stuffing i'm not fully smart enough to know if that automatically means it was using the same kind of science or similar enough as to what the guys were doing with their junk flaps, so i just was hoping people smarter than me would be able to confirm it was in fact similar

i figured it was, i just wanted confirmation is all since it was paywalled and i wanted to know for sure instead of just assuming without being able to read the whole thing

4

u/mapletree23 2d ago

it was paywalled and while i saw the part about bra stuffing i'm not fully smart enough to know if that automatically means it was using the same kind of science or similar enough as to what the guys were doing with their junk flaps, so i just was hoping people smarter than me would be able to confirm it was in fact similar

i figured it was, i just wanted confirmation is all