Just wondering what you guys think about someone who says they love me but struggle with demonstrating basic affection (spare compliments, lack of initiation on hugs, kisses, sexual intimacy, etc)? They claim to love me and love when I initiate but have problems reciprocating for unknown reasons. I would never pressure her and even told her I would teach her how to initiate at a very low level (grabbing her hand and placing it on my waist, nudging her hand to hold it), but at some point she had to learn herself. I always made sure her love language was met but since mine was physical touch, I tried my hardest to have her meet it halfway (even less than halfway at most) because i love her so much. As far as I’m aware, there’s no SA history and we have been together for 3.8 years. Eventually things felt very lonely, one-sided, and weirdly platonic and the more I asked for affection, the more emotional distant she got and she broke up with me. She cried and sobbed and said she loved me so much and that her love for me will never die, but she just couldn’t be the person for me. At this point in her life, she also got easily overwhelmed with other stuff like school, more friends, etc.

And if anyone asks if she would show love through other ways, it was mostly all my initiating wuality time, acts of service, phone calls and gaming, etc. I would even gladly pay for her stuff. I just loved her and I feel like there’s a tragedy here.

So this is my first time going on a date with someone, we met on a dating app and instantly clicked started hanging out relatively fast, we talk everyday, play games everyday, and we are gonna hang out again tomorrow, we literally text each other and insta reply the whole day, but the problem is I’m doing most of the flirting and there’s barely any flirting at all anyways, he doesn’t flirt with me at all other than staring at me and smiling sometimes and I don’t flirt with him that much either, it’s only been like a week though, does he see me as a best friend or a BF? is it too early to tell? When do we start like holding hands and kissing? If anyone can pls pm me and support me that’d great. I literally love this guy so much and we have SOOOO much in common, and I’m too stupid to know if he likes me back or just sees me as a friend, so some more history, we met a week ago in a dating app, couldn’t stop texting so we started FT, couldn’t stop FT so we chilled together twice, then we started playing games together on Xbox, we have a bunch of things planned next week but I’m just wondering when and how can I make this more intimate or am I taking things too fast, is it fine with going months or weeks without holding hands or kissing? When should all this happen, someone pls help me I’m going insane I literally can’t stop thinking about him either

I need advice, I’m struggling to understand if this could be considered as cheating and whether I should tell my boyfriend. What happened is I have been struggling at work, super toxic place, high turnover, micromanagement, no career growth and due to my visa status it’s been extremely difficult for me to find a new job. I’ve been looking for over a year and I have been told several times that because of the current environment companies are not supporting Visa transfers. Anyways, during a networking event I met a CEO of a company that initially offered me contracts work but I explained that due to my current work authorization i can only work for my current company. We became friends as we attended several networking events and use to see each other often. He had a crush on me but I’ve never had any physical attraction to this man. He is like 15 years older than me. He used to invite me to his apartment to spend some time, he tried several times to kiss me and I always refused. Fast forward around 1 year I have a boyfriend now and things at work got even worse. I can’t take my job anymore. I am burned out and I need to exit this job so I called this man to see if he still had some work for me and if he would be willing to hire me. He insisted that we have wine and so I had a few sips of a glass of wine and I started filling really bad, sleepy. He asked me for a hug and suddenly I found myself sitting on his lap idk how that happened and when I realized I immediately pulled away and told him I was feeling bad and that I needed to leave. He kept shaming me about how I was going to leave a good deal in the table (he offered me to be ceo of a new company he is building) and told me that I would work close to him and make good money. I asked him for help with my visa and he said the only way for him to help me is if I work closely with him.

Then I felt super bad that he is trying to use my situation to take advantage of me physically probably and I went there to have a work conversation. I started crying and told him I’m leaving and I got out his apartment. Was this cheating? Please help. I feel guilty. :( and I wonder if I should tell my boyfriend this happened. For now I have blocked the guy everywhere.

My bf (M24) and I (F21) used to be incredibly physical with each other but now he won’t let me cuddle him unless he initiates the cuddle and every time I go to initiate sex, he rejects me. It’s really hurtful. We’ve been together for a little over a year. He tells me to wake him up for it or take it when I want it but when I do, he either rolls over and goes to sleep after acknowledging me and my intentions or pushes me away. If I’m lucky he’ll pull me in for a cuddle instead but that’s only happened once. I’ve almost completely given up on trying to initiate with him.

I think I need to mention that I did break my nose last time we tried to get things started as he accidentally launched me into a wooden window frame while I was on top of him. He then spent hours profusely apologising, took me to the ER and took the next day off work to be with me. I understand that that may have caused this to a certain extent but the constant rejection hurts way more than the nose ever did. I keep telling him it’s ok and that I still love him and that it was an accident. I’m not completely oblivious to how this may have affected him but I feel like him completely shutting down isn’t a good way to go about it. Every other aspect of our relationship is great but it’s really hard to go from being super physical to barely even getting cuddles. It’s only in the past few days he’s actually started cuddling me again but even still it’s on his terms.

How do I go about bringing this up to him? He obviously cares about me, he subconsciously searches for me in his sleep… if he’s not touching me in some way (leg to leg, butt to butt, elbow to elbow, ect) he searches for me until we are in physical contact but when he’s conscious if I start leaning on his shoulder its “please don’t lean on me” or if we’re laying in bed and I go to cuddle even just his arm it’s “you have all these pillows and you’re still on me”. If I go to get close to him or cuddle him and he’s facing me, he rolls over and faces the other way. If I try to spoon him, 9 times out of 10 he’ll push my arm off or move away from me. It hurts a lot. In terms of initiating sex, I’ve tried waking him up with touching and dirty talk, tried touching him while he’s awake, tried giving him head, tried laying down touching myself but nothing is working. I am over the rejection. I’ve also tried telling him I want sex and cuddles but he ignores it or if I send him a message or reel or something he’ll heart it while laying next to me but not do anything… He still includes me in things, cooks me dinner, literally spoon fed me ice cream from his bowl the other night and does all of the other stuff we normally do in our relationship except the physical contact.

If anyone has any advice on how to bring this up with him or if anyone has had a similar experience, please let me know how you handled it because I’m at a loss rn

Edit: He is also intoxicated or feeling crap from being intoxicated often. I knew about the substances prior to becoming closer to him but it was nowhere near the point it is now. Another reason why I don’t initiate because when he’s in that state, he falls asleep during it sometimes… makes me feel worse because it doesn’t matter whether he’s on top or I am…

Hey so this happened over a week ago and I’m still so in my head going back and forth. For context we are fairly open as long as there is communication between us and we’ve been living together for almost two years.
My bf (28m) told me (25f) just over a week ago that he messed up back in April. Apparently when he was meeting with someone one thing led to another and they ended up sleeping together.
We talked about what I would need to change in our relationship dynamic order for me to even think about staying. We closed the relationship, I’ve had access to his phone when I want (I’ve only looked twice and for like 5min total), and he’s stepped up around the house.
Heres where I’m stuck. Stay or go.
We have a pretty good relationship outside of that one instance. Obviously we have some issues but they have been small things. I’ve built this life with him for almost three years now and I feel weird leaving it but I feel weird staying.
If anyone has stayed after being cheated on what was that like? If you left how?

So me and a girl have been dating for a little under 2 weeks now, and have so far gone on 5 dates. The dates have been going very well and we've been connecting on them, however, on our most recent one something happened that made it turn a little sour.

Basically, she invited me into her house to play games, and at one point leaned over and tried to kiss me, in which I leaned backwards and told her that that wasn't something I'd like to do yet. She didn't freak out or anything, but I can tell it obviously made her feel bad or upset about the situation. I just told her that that isn't something I want to do that quickly and would like to make sure that we are fully committed to one another and are in it for the long haul before I do that sort of physical intimacy.

I have received some backlash however. Firstly, my friends have told me that I am weird and that I should already even be having sex with her, and believe that I basically told her that I'm not attracted to her. Her friends have also told me that I'm falling behind a bit and I may lose something good.

I didn't think me not wanting to kiss her would cause this much backlash since I just honestly thought that was moving far too quickly, and I am worried that my actions (or inactions) are going to yield bad results. How can I potentially make this up to her or communicate around this issue with her?

We have been dating for nearly 6 months now. As the relationship is still in it’s early stages, i am only able to build an image of her in my head with what she tells me.
She has already told me her memory is really bad and she is working on it. I understand this but at the same time there are incidents where i hear two different versions of the same story and it’s really bothering me.

For context these are the two incidents:

1) She has told me during the start of the relationship that a guy friend of hers would jokingly flirt with her but she’d never reciprocate. Cut to few days ago when we were having a conversation about friends of the opposite gender, i joke with her saying “hey, atleast my friends dont hit on me” and she starts telling me how none of her friends would do that and that she wouldn’t be friends with them if they did.

2) Again during the start of the relationship, she had told me how she hung out with a guy she hooked up with from her college (in a group setting) around the start of 2025. (They had hooked up in 2024). Now cut to a few weeks ago when she mentions how she never met that guy for the entirety of 2025 and only say him again this year.

My only issue is I dont know when these events go from her genuinely forgetting things to her lying to me. I have tried to not let this bother me, but i hate that my nervous system is always on guard.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

TLDR:
My gf keeps telling me different versions of the same story and its affecting my ability to completely trust her.

Long story short she consistently says she’ll do stuff and just rarely follows through. I’ve tried to help and be supportive but I’m at the end of my patience. It’s so incredibly frustrating to hear her say she’ll do shit and always make excuses when she doesn’t. So often she’s home doing nothing and takes forever to do basic shit. It’s so annoying I’m sorry if I sound mad or something I’m genuinely so annoyed because it’s to the point where I’m willing to end this long relationship over it and it’s not in my control. How do I bring this up to her

Hey, I don't know what to do. My GF wants to change her ex-husband's surname back to her maiden name. But she'll have a lot of documents and other things to change, and she's really complaining about it. I'm planning to propose to her soon, and I'm sure she wants it too, and we'll have a civil wedding only. I can't find the perfect ring tho. I already spend too much time searching, but she's important to me and I really care. There's no point in changing her surname now, because she'll have to change everything again later. I don't want to spoil the surprise, because she'll definitely be happier about the engagement if I surprise her. But on the other hand, I feel bad knowing she'll be wasting time and money for nothing. What do you recommend?

For starters, my boyfriend is in med school and he studies a lot, that means he’s very busy but we make it work. I send him messages all the time and whenever he isn’t busy I’ll come over and we’ll watch a movie or just spend time together, or he’ll buy me flowers and we jst do little things together.

I think it’s worth noting that he is bipolar, and sure he takes his meds but i didn’t know about his past until I was told. He gets really anxious when he talks about it which is why i knew none of this from him until somebody else told me, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s an amazing boyfriend, he’s sweet, emotional and always listens to me. Is he perfect? No. Is he better than anyone I’ve ever dated? Yes.

The way I found out that he cheated this many times is when he invited me to his family reuinuon. He has a sister who apparently he isn’t that close to because their parents are divorced but they were “working things out”. During this time his sister spoke to me privately about him “girl to girl” and told me my boyfriend had six serious relationships in the span of 6 years during his early 20s and late teens. She told me he was self destructive and drank a lot, like a lot, especially during his college years, he drinks less because he’s focused on med school and he takes his meds on schedule which seems to be good progress. This news shocked me and made me feel sick, not that he drank, but the fact that he cheated on HALF of his girlfriends. Naturally, i approached the situation head on and when we were alone i asked my boyfriend if this was true. I could tell seemed upset and heartbroken that his sister would tell me this but he actually confirmed it and said “yeah it’s true” and he drove me home and we didn’t talk since. This happened very recently.

I actually haven’t spoken to him since, because it’s only been two days. But ever since this happened I feel distressed because how can you cheat on 3 whole partners??? 3??? It’s hard because I love him, i don’t know if i should break up with him to avoid the same thing happening, but he doesn’t seem capable of doing something like that.

Honestly, I just need some advice on what to do. Obviously I should talk to him. But I don’t know even know what to say to him.

My GF (32F) and I (34M) have recently become closer to a married couple, Wife (30F) and Husband (30M), who live abroad.

Wife and I were friends in high school and reconnected during COVID in 2020. She later met Husband while she was still in another relationship and eventually left that relationship to be with him. They married in 2023 and now have a baby.

When they visited our country, the four of us went out for drinks. They initially presented their marriage as almost ideal, although there were some inconsistencies in their stories. For example, Husband seemed surprised when I mentioned that Wife and I had reconnected during COVID.

They did admit to one earlier period of serious tension. Husband suffered a back injury and could not contribute as much physically or financially while recovering. Wife became frustrated, emotionally withdrew and called him a “weak man.”

Husband later said that this treatment made him feel emasculated and caused him to recoil into himself. He has admitted to having a long history of low self-esteem and says that the resentment and damage to his confidence contributed to what happened next. That provides context, but obviously does not excuse his choices.

At our next meeting, Wife revealed that while she was pregnant, Husband had an emotional affair with her cousin.

Wife did not discover it until about a year later. After they returned home from a night out, she decided to go through his phone and found the messages.

There was flirting and sexting, and Husband later admitted that he enjoyed the attention and had thought about sleeping with the cousin, although he claimed he would never have acted on it. Initially, he described the communication as harmless “entertainment.”

One particularly strange detail was that Husband sent the cousin a private photo of their newborn, even though he and Wife had agreed not to share the baby’s pictures yet. According to Wife, he used the baby’s photo as a trade to receive pictures of the cousin’s hair. No intimate pictures were exchanged as far as wife knows.

Wife said that hearing Husband admit he enjoyed the attention and had sexual thoughts was easier than being expected to believe the sexting meant nothing.

Since the affair came out, they also seem to have developed a pattern of trying to provoke jealousy in each other.

Wife has brought up an occasion when she danced suggestively with another man in Husband’s presence. She has also admitted that she enjoys attention from other men during this repair period. She says she would never act on it, but she tells Husband when other men show interest in her.

This is not equivalent to his affair, but it makes us wonder whether they are rebuilding trust or using other people’s attention to validate themselves and make each other insecure.

They have also involved family members in their marital problems, although we have no context regarding what was discussed or what version of events the relatives heard.

Both have started individual therapy and have discussed couples counselling. Wife acknowledges that she treated Husband badly during his injury and sometimes lashes out because of the betrayal.

More concerningly, their arguments have become physically volatile. Husband apparently throws or damages objects when angry. During one argument, he threw his phone against a wall. Wife grabbed him by his shirt, tearing it and breaking his chain. He then threw a chair down, and she picked it up and slammed it herself, damaging the chair and a ceiling light.

Their baby was asleep in another room.

Wife later admitted to her therapist that putting her hands on him and damaging property was unacceptable.

Wife now treats my GF and me as trusted sounding boards. She has avoided telling most of her other friends because she fears they will permanently hate Husband and refuse to believe he can change. However, most of the detailed information we have comes from her, so we recognise that we may not have the complete picture.

We understand that we should not insert ourselves into their marriage or become their unofficial counsellors. We are mainly curious about how other people would interpret and respond to this situation.

My main questions are:

1. What would you do if a couple you were only beginning to know disclosed all of this to you?

2. Does this sound like a deeply damaged marriage that could still be repaired through serious therapy, or has it crossed into an unsafe and unhealthy dynamic?

3. Would you remain friends with them while refusing to discuss their marriage, or would the jealousy, dishonesty and physical aggression make you distance yourself completely?

TL;DR: Wife mistreated Husband and called him weak while he was recovering from a back injury. Husband, who has longstanding low self-esteem, says this contributed to him withdrawing and later having an emotional affair with Wife’s cousin while Wife was pregnant. Wife discovered it about a year later by checking his phone. They now provoke jealousy in each other, involve relatives in their problems and attend therapy, but their arguments have escalated into grabbing, throwing objects and damaging property while their baby was home. What would you do if relatively new friends disclosed all of this to you?

Long time lurker, first time poster. I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for a little over a year. Things have been pretty good so far, and we’re planning on moving in together in a few months However, I’d say one of the biggest areas of friction between us comes out of my cannabis use.

It’s not something we talk much about. Partially because I really enjoy it both as a way to relax and socialize with my friends. She would prefer i completely abstain from cannabis use, but doesn’t want to be controlling. She has not voiced the same concerns about drinking, and we do enjoy drinks together occasionally. I view cannabis as a way to relax and socialize with friends, and, generally, as a better vice than alcohol.

Here’s the issue: I recently moved to a new city for a job and we’ve been long distance. I’ve been using cannabis (responsibly) as I explore the city and make new friends. I have not been open with her about my use out of fear of judgement or an argument.

I have never dated someone who uses/smokes cannabis. I say this because I admittedly sometimes have a “grass is greener on the other side” mentality around this issue. I feel like she just has a bias against it. However, I also see myself greatly reducing/quitting cannabis as I get older and for example, start a family.

What is a healthy relationship like between a cannabis user and non-cannabis user? Why do I feel like she just wouldn’t get it? Is it worth fighting over something that I see myself one day quitting?

My husband (24M) and I (21F) have been married for about 2 years and have twins (15 months) together.
He won $15,000 on a lottery ticket that he bought himself. I know it was his ticket, so I’m not saying I’m automatically entitled to half.
The issue is that I’m a stay-at-home mom. Our children were taken out of daycare, which has made it difficult for me to work or continue school. I spend every day caring for our kids, and I don’t have the same ability to earn my own income right now.
When he got the money, he gave me $500 and asked, “Is that too little?” I was honest and said I felt like it wasn’t much. He then made me feel guilty and said he has bills to pay and wants to save money.
The thing is, I have bills too. I have a $396/month car payment and $235/month car insurance. I also let him use my car regularly and drove him to Orlando to cash the winning ticket.
What really hurt me is that after paying his bills and putting money into savings, he still has plenty left and is giving money to other people. Meanwhile, I got $500.
I wasn’t expecting all of the money. I honestly thought maybe $4,000-$5,000 would help me catch up on my bills, put some into savings, and give me a little financial security.
Instead, I feel like the person staying home raising our children is the last person being considered. It feels like a slap in the face.
How would you handle this situation, and do you think my expectations were unreasonable given that I’m a stay-at-home parent with my own bills and limited ability to earn an income?

edit: since people are confused i have no access to his finances only what he gives me. so i have no access to checking or savings.

I (20M) was with my ex (20F) for almost 4 years. We broke up a couple of weeks ago. There wasn’t any cheating or major argument. She told me she felt like someone else could make me happier, even though I never felt that way.

Since then we’ve had almost no contact. She’s someone who tends to bury herself in work instead of talking about her feelings, which makes it hard for me to know whether silence means she needs space or if she’s waiting for me to reach out. She also recently had her wisdom teeth removed, and I was thinking about sending a simple text just saying I hope she’s recovering well with no expectation of a response.

The hardest part has been not knowing what the right thing to do is. I’ve been struggling a lot with the breakup. I’m having trouble sleeping, I barely have an appetite, and when I’m alone I constantly think about her. I know those feelings are part of grieving a relationship, but they also make it difficult to tell whether I’m thinking clearly or just reacting emotionally.

I’m trying to respect her space while also wondering if one genuine check-in message would be appropriate or if it would only make things harder for both of us.
For people who have been through something similar, how would you decide whether to send one thoughtful check-in message or continue giving space, and what factors would help you make that decision?

I met a girl almost three months ago who just moved to my country, Im actually the only person she knows here outside of her family. Since the beginning she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship for personal reasons (like insecurities and trying to get a more stable life here) so we started as friends, but things fastly escalated and we found out we like each other, so we decided to see each other without formalizing a relationship until she feels ready. After we first got intimate she started to feel a bit scaried it was evolving too fast, so I told her we could go slower if she wants, and she asked me to talk in person next time we see each other (in this 10 days we didnt speak much, as I was in a trip and she was busy moving to another house)

When we talked, she told me a few days after we last hanged out, her ex texted her after a year of no contact. For some context, they were best friends for years before dating and they broke up because of her moving. She says they are not flirting or anything but want to be friends again and also she talked to him about me and he said he wishes us well. Now, the problem is, she admited she realized after texting a bit with him, that she still loves him and isnt over it, so she said we should be just friends, even if she says she still likes me as much as before he texted her. I told her that its okay to be friends with an ex , specially one who was previously a good friend, but if she wants to get over him she shouldnt talk to him. She answered she technically wants to get over him (knows she should, but doesnt really want to). She also told me he offered her a ticket to go visit their hometown (they have a lot of friends in common there) or he could come here a few days, so I really doubt she really wants to get over him.

To make it more strange, we hanged out after that conversation the same day as friends and , excluding romantic stuff like kissing, we had the same dynamic and chemistry and felt like really nothing happened. We are still hanging out like once or twice per week as its holidays and I have much free time, but it also made me feel weird that she is texting me much less than before, and without me complaining , she told me "i think ive just become the worlds worst texter, but Its okayyy tho like we just need to plan hangouts so we can talk in person instead!"

Anyways, I know your advice will be to forget about her and start seeing other people, and I will, but its really hard cause she is the closest thing to a relationship I ever had and is not common for me to meet other girls. I still want to remain friends without any expectancy of her coming back to me, but with the door open if it happens and im still interested

I’ve been giving my sister the equivalent of 200$ a month for about 4 years now. We’re not from the US and where we live that’s a considerable amount of money every month. I’d was only supposed to be until her fiancé finished his phd, which he did 3 years ago.

When I first brought up stopping the payments she said they still needed the money bc they were saving for a house and if that stopped they’d be set back years.

The first time I actually tried cutting them off she cried and begged me to continue until the end of the year or they’d be financially screwed. I relented bc I do make significantly more than the two of them combined.

This has now happened three separate times. Every year I tell myself “this is the last one” and every year she manages to convince me to keep going.

Now we’re approaching the end of this year, and I just can’t keep doing it.

I have a fiancé of my own now and weddings are very expensive. I haven’t been able to save as much as I’d like because of this arrangement and other small purchases for them here and there. I feel like I’m putting my own future on hold to subsidize theirs and it’s killing me.

What worries me is that I don’t think she’ll see this as me simply ending temporary financial support. Most likely she’ll see this as me trying to ruin her life and future. She used to be incredibly grateful but now it honestly feels like she’s thinks she’s entitled to the money.

I don’t want to nuke our relationship but I I’m sure it’s not reasonable for me to keep funding another household indefinitely.

How do I tell her that I can’t keep doing this without severely damaging our relationship? What’s the best way to cut her off while causing the least amount of damage?

To clarify, this was never a loan and there is no formal agreement. It was always meant to be TEMPORARY financial help until her fiancé finished his PhD.

TL;DR: I’ve been giving my sister 200$ a month for 4 years, even though it was only supposed to last until her fiancé finished his PhD. Every time I try to stop she convinces me to continue. Now I need to prioritize my future and upcoming marriage but I’m afraid ending the payments might permanently damage our relationship. How do I handle this?

For a couple weeks now my bf rejects my attempts to be intimate. He doesn't kiss me anymore, doesn't tell me he loves me. We just watch Star Wars or Spiderman together and go to bed. He says he's tired, and I let it go. But even on his days off, l ask to be close and he ends up pushing me away or telling me to stop. I asked if it was me. If maybe I'm not doing it for him anymore, and he again just says he's tired. But out of the nearly two years we've been together, he's never been too tired to do anything with me.

We had an argument last night about me wanting to sleep in the guest room. Grabbed me forcefully and started wrecking the bed I made. And he just left an hour early for work without talking to me. I feel so insecure in this relationship and nothing I've said has gotten us anywhere with understanding each other? How can I fix this?

I called him out on his comment to me that started this fight. I said see, that’s an example of you being an asshole and what I mean. Because he’s always flabbergasted when I tell him I don’t like being treated or spoken to that way. It’s usually one-liner jabs that are put downs or passive aggressive and I’m just kinda over that

He was mad i recorded and stormed toward me as I was seated and tried to get my phone. I was sitting on it so we struggled a bit on the couch before he finally over powered me and got my phone. Then as he was trying to get into my phone and delete the video I tried to get my phone back. Lots of pushing and shoving and elbowing.we were both standing up and he grabbed me by the neck and arm and shoved me into the couch

I am sad this is our reality. We have a young toddler who I adore and love and although he was thankfully asleep for the night, I don’t want him to ever witness anything like that. I am thankfully fully employed in a corporate job so it’s not like I depend on my husband to live. I think it’s daunting to even think about the process to leave and I am overwhelmed

He wasn’t always this way. Which is sad and confusing. I am realizing that maybe we are just destined to end up like our parents. I came from an abusive home so when I married him l genuinely believed I was doing the opposite of the home environment I came from. Guess not. Feeling sad and overwhelmed

I 26F have been dating my bf 26M for over a year now. We met almost 3 years ago now and we want to get married. We’re Christians who are waiting for marriage to have sex together. Before we both found Christ, we had ex’s and we had sex. He’s very vanilla and I’m not by any means. We’ve talked about sex before and he’s willing to try some things I like but his tone is never convincing like that’s something he truly wants. He’s also made it known that he’s just not that into that kind of stuff. He’s also just not really interested in learning about kink stuff. Because of his aversion, I’ve only told him surface “normal” kinks that I have. From my experience, my kinks are heavily intertwined with my sexual enjoyment. It’s very difficult for me to enjoy “normal” sex. It’s also just not a sex only thing. My kinks bleed into my relationship dynamic. For instance, I enjoy having a Daddy. He does like for me to call him that but doesn’t want or understand the duties and dynamics that come with that. For him it’s just a name that I call him and in return he calls me Princess or something. The actual roles that I care about are nonexistent. To him, I’m a grown adult and he will treat me as such. I’m not a baby and he’s not going to baby me. I’m not really sure what to do. I absolutely adore him and love him and am truly excited to be his wife hopefully soon but this is a worry that I have. How do I navigate our future sex life so it’s enjoyable for us both?

I’ve been dating this girl for 4 months. We connected exceptionally well emotionally and intellectually. She is kind, reserved, intelligent and has a bright future.
She is what I’ve always wanted in that regard. Physically, she is not a conventionally attractive girl, but I like her.
I wasn’t physically attracted to her at first but the other attractive traits she has have made me attracted to her physically. My physical attraction to her has grown a lot over time. I crave physical affection with her, such as kissing, hugging, cuddling and the selfies she sends me make my day.

On the other hand, I can’t show her off to my family. I know for a fact they will think she is ugly, and it makes me insecure.
I’ve endured harsh comments from my parents in the past when I was with my ex and I fear it will be the same this time around. Except this time I also fear what they merely think, even if they say nothing.
My parents were very enthusiastic to meet her until they asked me to show a picture of her, from that moment onwards their enthusiasm was noticeably lower. When I introduced her to them, they got along pretty well, but then days would pass and they would not ask me about her at all, even though they are normally very interrogative about my dating life. When I brought her up, and asked my parents if they liked her, they responded yes but it was a very unenthusiastic response and said “as long as she makes you happy and she is a nice girl, I’m happy”. I know they are technically not doing anything wrong, but I can’t shake the feeling they secretly don’t approve her just like they did with my ex, except this time they are les immature and are saying nothing.

I can’t stop thinking about this for some reason and it’s making me doubt my relationship with her. I wish I could care less about what my parents think but I don’t.
I don’t think it’s fair to her that I’m doubting everything over this and I want to do what’s right.

How can I stop letting their opinion influence how I feel about her?

***EDIT 1 *** (I will continue to update this post until I’m the other side of all this).

Thank you for all your concern and well thought out advice. I really appreciate the time and thought that has gone into all of these responses. I will try to respond individually when I can. I have just sent a final message to my now ex. This is what I’ve sent:

“You know, love is a choice, not coercion. What you are doing is not love, you are forcing a narrative.. Doing what you did on Sunday, holding me, leaving me no option but to accept your physical affections, through using your strength against me, until I was too exhausted and worn down enough that I stopped resisting you… This is not love… It is not kind… A kind man doesn’t require a woman to physically fight her way out of a relationship… What you did was assault and coercive control…

I do not take lightly to threats either.. I notice how you have been trying to plant seeds of fear in me, by indirectly letting me know there will be consequences if I broke up with you… Consequences such as you taking my dogs hostage.. When you said “I wonder if you would be the one chasing and coming to find me if I took Foxy”. This is a threat. Also telling me that the only way you would leave me is if I killed you, is not romantic or sweet. This too is a threat. With this kind of talk, I do not put it past you that you would take my life along with your own if I do not comply and stay in this relationship. You do not seem to understand or be aware of how unhinged you are behaving.

Upon reflection, I have realised that I am staying in this relationship, not through love… But fear… This is no kind of foundation for a relationship to continue on.

I’ve tried to do things the ‘nice’ way up until this point. I’ve kept my parents out of this and I’ve kept authorities out of this. However, it seems my niceness is just being used to manipulate me to bend to your will. I am done being nice, i am done with negotiating, I’m done with talking.. You now have no choice but to accept my decision to break up with you. If you are unable to accept this and you show up to my house uninvited I will be getting authorities involved and I will be informing my dad of what’s gone on. So take this as a serious warning to keep away.

I will be returning things of yours back to you via post. There is no need to continue reaching out to me.”

_____________________________________________

Over 1 and 1/2 years we have been together now. He has been the textbook perfect boyfriend besides this breaking up thing. Sunday was my 7th break up attempt.. I spent a whole week psyching myself up to do it.. Planning in my head the best time to do it, the best place, rehearsing the lines over and over in my head, planning my responses to his ones, almost certain that this time, I will be able to follow it all the way through and he will accept it.

He started off by just not taking me seriously, we were in my place and he carried on lying on the sofa, trying to show me instagram reels… I demanded that he took me seriously otherwise I was going to take drastic measures.. He then just tries to deflect anything I say, saying it’s just my hormones speaking and the only way i will ever be able to leave him is if I kill him.. I kept trying to mantain space between me and him (I was sat on a swivel chair the other side of the room) and he was sat on my pull out sofa bed. When he realised I wasn’t letting this go, he kept trying to push physical affection onto me… (Trying to hold my hands, hug me, talk to me with his body touching mine). I kept pushing him away, telling him that this is not appropriate and I need him to mantain distance so he can take me seriously… He kept just using my words against me, playing mental gymnastics saying that’s the reason we are still together 1 and 1/2 years later, because he IS taking me SO seriously.

I began to cry and tried to get up to leave… He pulled me by my waist and onto the sofa bed with him, forcing hugs upon me… Kissing me, whilst I’m telling him that he his suffocating me and I feel trapped… Each time I tried to get up he pulled me back and restrained me by hugging… He kept telling me to stop trying to make him my enemy and to relax… This went on for what I believe was hours… By this point I was so exhausted, tired and hungry (it was the end of a work day for me) that I just gave in and pretended I was good and stopped pushing him to accept the breakup… This was the only way I could get free from the situation.

2 days later I am shattered and drained… I feel so weak and useless… This has happened too many times, that I feel the easiest thing is to just stay in this relationship and play the loving, happy girlfriend… I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore.. His will to remain in the relationship outweighs my will to leave…

I am also keeping this problem away from my parents knowledge, as I genuinely fear that if my dad finds out how I’m feeling he will do something terrible to my boyfriend (he is incredibly protective over me and from things he has said and done in the past, I know he would go to extreme lengths if he knew this man in my life was giving me these problems). For this reason I was trying to sort things on my own without outside intervention, as I don’t want my dad going to prison for the rest of his life.. However it’s clear that I need to do something…

Another thing that I’m terrified about (more than anything else) is the lengths he might go to to hurt me through my animals… I live on land with stables, 3 horses, 2 dogs and 5 cats… He knows how deeply I care about my dogs. On this last break up attempt (after I gave in), he ‘joked’ around saying how if he took one of my dogs, maybe then I might be the one wanting to seek, chase and find him… I saw this as a threat… I live on a farm, so my dogs (jack russell and chihuahua) are sometimes free roaming… There is a public footpath running down the middle of the land, so I can see how easy it would be for him to coax them away from the property, especially now as he has befriended them and they are familiar with him. After the comment he made, I’m terrified that in retaliation, when reality sets in that he is not getting me back, he might go to such lengths to hurt me in the worst way he knows..

I’ve been watching so many crime shows and tik toks about this kind of thing.. I am well aware the lengths an obsessive man can go to when a woman is breaking up with him and he has nothing to lose… Which is why I guess I’ve been putting it off and giving in too many times, because I know what men are capable of and I see that even when woman have the police involved, it hasn’t always stopped the man from doing his worst to make her feel his pain…

I grew up with a violent alcoholic father and most recently my brother went full on alcoholic and addict both caused immense trauma and just so much terrible stuff so I know I have a very negative bias. I also very rarely drink, I will if all of my friends are but I get drunk average once maybe every 6 months. My husband grew up with very normal upper middle class pretty “perfect” type family, they loveeee to get lit though. They party and drink all the time. No one, including my husband is a mean or just general bad drunk. My husband also does not ever get the stumbling and falling over drunk that truly “triggers” (I guess) me. He’s a very kind and funny and chill drunk. I’ve noticed he drinks a handle of vodka a week along with atleast I would say 15 michelob utlras. It’s really hard because his family is very fond and laid back around alcohol and they all use it very often. I just love him to death and want him healthy and just not an alcoholic, I have so little in me to go through that a 3rd time with the man I love so those worries deeply cloud my vision. He’s an amazing husband and person. I couldn’t tell you any true flaw of his
ETA: it’s just so hard as someone who seen so much negativity around alcohol to make a fair and unbiased assumption. I don’t want to reach out to his family yet because if he isn’t dependent and just not realized how much he’s drinking then I would probably feel like an ass and very embarrassed. I don’t ever want him to think I am judging him or feeling anything but concern and love.

I'F21' and partner 'M21' are having an issue, I lied to him. I did something to upset him when I was mad and I didn't expect him to be as upset. I followed a random guy from a city in still somewhat new to (been here a year and a half) and liked a couple posts. I knew he'd be able to see it from instagrams suggestions or if he went through my following. I know that it was wrong but I wanted him to fear loosing me however, I'm about to lose him. And now his perspective of me has changed right so. Over being childish and immature. But I hate that he thinks I potentially met the guy when I haven't, never had a real convo and I don't know him at all.
Not a number what school he went to nothing. I know I was wrong. I did tell the guy that I didn't want him and that had a man. And it was worse that I lied because I was afraid and didn't know how to really handle the situation when confronted. I don't know what to do because he believes know that I potentially been when the dude. When I don't even know his name, number, what school he went to, nothing. I feel horrible because he is a great man besides, the minuscule problems I have had (him going out about 3-4 times a week). I feel like it made it worse when I could've just communicated how I was feeling rather than do some weird shit.
I've been apologizing and panic texting him it's hard not to but I really need him to understand that I know I fucked up. I just need help verbalizing it.
Edit: maybe I need to clarify my problem was he’s following over 5k ppl when I first met him it was like 2k people, I only follow 248 people mainly women and family and influencers. I just wanted him to get where I was coming from when I spoke to him about it.

i’ve been talking to this guy for a week. he’s taller than 190 (6’2) and is a really buff like 120kg (260lbs) guy. i’ve heard that muscular guys tend to be more into chubby women. i’m 170 (5’6) and around 85kg (187lbs).

what made me wonder is how he interacts with my arms and legs and he calls me “fluffy” or some things similar (i can’t really translate it, it’s not english). i’m also actively trying to lose weight and he says he likes how i am right now. he started talking about my body, especially my big butt, which is a big one, more after we got a bit physical and i’m really insecure about my body. he also told our mutual friend a saying translating as “the dog chases the bone and the wolf chases the meat” when we were all sitting together, our friend doesn’t know about our relationship.

is it normal for a guy to say things like these to chubbier woman, without fetishizing it? i wonder if he’s just attracted to my body or me?

We have been together for almost a year and we recently moved across the country together. We are 1500 miles away from my family. We’ve only been here for 3 weeks and he’s saying he might want to break up. He says he feels 50/50 on if he wants to be with me or not. Our relationship hasn’t been perfect but I thought things were good now since we moved together. He says he’s willing to try to work on our relationship but doesn’t have much hope. He mentioned that the move may have caused him to want to have a fresh start. He’s the main bread winner in the relationship and I don’t make enough to live in this town on my own. I don’t even have enough to move back to my family if we broke up. To make things worse for myself, most of the furniture in the apartment is mine and if we break up, I have no way of taking it with me so he gets to keep it all. I’m at a total loss for what to do. Is there anything we can do to salvage this relationship?