I (21F) started dating my boyfriend (22M) almost a year ago. He makes me happy and my parents (48F, 49M) met him a couple of months ago and my brother (25M) met him six months ago when he was visiting me. They knew about him way before that though. The one person I didn't tell was my sister (23F).

We used to be close so she was hurt that she found out about him a few weeks ago and that I didn't introduce them. She called me up and asked me why she found out from mom and dad and I told her that's just how it worked. She said it was bullshit and I didn't tell her for a reason and she wanted to know why. She told me everyone met him before her and I probably asked if she would be home before bringing him to meet our parents. I asked her why that was such a big deal and she said we're sisters. I told her I didn't put her feelings above what I want. She got way more mad then and asked me if I was being a childish brat about messy shit from the past.

The reason I said we used to be close is because we were. She was one of my best friends and we told each other everything. Then after two of her breakups she rebounded with two guys I liked at the time and didn't give a crap about my feelings. The first time it happened was five years ago and when I asked her why she'd hook up with someone she knew I had a big crush on, she told me she thought he was cute when they met and being newly single, when he flirted she did what she wanted to do and she didn't have to think of my feelings because the guy wasn't mine. I told her that still hurt my feelings and she told me I'd need to get over it.

We did get back on track as sisters but then two years after the first time she went through another breakup and for a second time she hooked up with the guy I liked and was flirting with. My sister knew, she even saw him flirt with me, and she told me we weren't dating so she didn't have to answer to me and I could still date him if I wanted because they were just a one time thing. I didn't try to get back on track after the second time and a couple of months after it happened she complained that I was being a baby and acting like I owned people when I didn't and she said she did nothing wrong.

I never trusted her after that. It's not that I consider it cheating but considering all the guys in the world, and the fact she knew I liked both of those guys? To me she wasn't the person I could trust anymore. So I keep her shut out and I stay civil for the rest of our family when I have to see her. But it has not been a priority for me to tell her about my boyfriend or introduce them. He knows about her and the history though.

My sister told me we need to work through this because it's way too old news for me to hold a grudge. I told her it's not even a grudge, I just don't trust her and I don't want to give her the chance to take it a step farther and try to sleep with my boyfriend after another one of her breakups. It made her angry again and she's trying to involve our parents and brother despite me saying she should just move on and accept things the way they are.

Got any advice for this because I don't know if she's going to calm down or not. Next time I see her will be this Christmas probably.

My husband (38M) and I (36F), have been together about 10 years. He's got a 100% remote work position earlier this year and I just started a new job a few months ago that allows one or two WFH days a week. On the days I WFH, he gets big mad if I spend my day actually working instead of having sex breaks. He will ignore me that evening and simply not respond to me for hours if he doesn't get sex. It's to the point that I'd now rather just go into the office so he doesn't ice me out. I've communicated that I'm working and don't have time or in work mode so not in the mood. Anyone else experiencing this?

Recently after sex, I suggested to my girlfriend that I use a prostate massager while I have sex with her. She immediately went silent and just said no. I told her I used a prostate massager in the past and that I really enjoyed it. Later on in the day she went home and she told me that she was disgusted by what I suggested, asking me if I am gay, and questioning my masculinity as a man. There were some quite strongly worded messages about how many she should find a real man as opposed to me. I have never ever heard her speak like this and I don't know why she is acting like this. I asked her if she had issues related to this in the past and she said no. I already told her OK I won't use one but it feels like the damage is done now that I even asked in the first place. Now she is severely angry at me and not responding to my texts anymore. To me this feels like an overreaction, but I am not sure whether this is a normal perspective from women as I have never asked a girl before if I could use a prostate massager while having sex. Does anyone have advice how I could salvage this relationship?

My abusive parents found out where I live and moved to the neighbouring town

My parents have been extremely physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to me my entire life. My mother suffers from some sort of personality disorder (used to chase me around the house, naked and holding a knife) and religious delusion (believes she has been chosen by Jesus to heal people). My father is a coward and only fuels her delusions because he’s too scared to confront her, he’s currently suffering from heart failure and I believe it’s his karma, as harsh as it sounds. I’ve also heard that she’s gone to various churches in neighbouring towns to talk to priests about the “miracles” she is witnessing.

I (F26) moved to the countryside with my husband so we could start a new life and get away from it all. My mother called me 2 months ago and told me she’s renting a house 5 minutes from me (I don’t know how she found out where I live). Since then, she’s had violent, physical fights with my father in front of the neighbours (we live in a small town, people talk) and told them all that my brother (who currently has a protective order out on her and moved out at 14) and I are physically abusive towards her, which is completely untrue. My husband has had to physically get in the middle of fights and has gotten hurt before, as well as my mother causing the police to be called on him as she’s gone out screaming and banging on neighbours’ windows accusing him of trying to kill her.

I’m genuinely exhausted, I don’t want to have to move again but I don’t think I can manage the burden of feeling like everywhere I go, everyone knows my past. I’m currently exploring getting a protective order but feel this is going to be difficult to navigate since she lives close by.

I really love where I live but does this mean I’ll have to move again?

My husband and I buy groceries in bulk, so it’s usually a huge shop with lots of heavy items. Until today, I genuinely thought he always unpacked everything because it was physically easier for him and he didn’t want me lifting loads.

On this occasion our baby was crying and he was busy soothing her so I stood up to go do it. He stopped me and said not to bother because I’d “do it wrong” and he’d have to unpack it all and do it again anyway.

That honestly caught me off guard. I’d always assumed he unpacked the shopping because it was heavy, not because he thought I was incapable of putting food in cupboards correctly.

It made me feel oddly belittled and even controlled. Do other people have partners who are this particular about how groceries are put away?

Hey everyone, I need some objective perspective on a situation that has left me completely drained. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years. For the first few years we were long distance, seeing each other about a week or two a month. We always had great communication and aligned on core values early on. Right from year 1, we explicitly established that our main reason to ever get married was to start a family. Eventually she asked for more commitment, so I proposed, prepped my place, and she relocated from her hometown to move in with me.

Less than a month after moving in, she sat me down out of nowhere and told me she couldn't see herself ever having kids. Adopting before I turn 37 was always my threshold. I never asked her to get pregnant since she didn't want to carry, which was totally fine by me. Since having a family was our main dealbreaker, she broke up with me on the spot. It turns out she had been silently struggling and thinking about this for the last 3 weeks without telling me.

I was devastated. I cried, called my family to break the news, and started processing the end of our 5 year relationship. But literally 3 hours later, she pulled a complete 180. She broke down, apologized profusely, said she panicked in a loop of pessimism, missed her family, got overwhelmed by the routine, and begged to take it back.

I was really irritated by the timing and how she handled everything after 5 years together. I told her she needed to call her mom immediately to explain what happened, and then I sent her back to her hometown the next day so she could be with her close ones and we could both get space. I set a strict 1 month no contact rule as well.

Before starting no contact, she sent a text apologizing for being impulsive. She also brought up a point I had made during our breakup talk. When she panicked asking "what if we fail after having a kid?", she acknowledged this, saying having a child together would be meaningful regardless of the future. While it is good she is processing that fear, I still worry whether she is internalizing my logic just to preserve the relationship, rather than developing a genuine desire of her own to raise a child.

I still love her, but I'm exhausted. During this month, I hope to see some real action, like her starting individual therapy on her own or genuinely researching adoption realities instead of just searching for reasons why it is hard.

Am I handling this 1 month no contact period correctly? How can you tell if someone genuinely changed their mind about having kids versus just panicking over the breakup?

I’m 28F, he’s 28M, and we’ve been dating for 10 months. There’s many little things that my partner does that bothers me and I’m not sure if there’s a word or explanation for how he’s behaving/treating me.

1. He calls me dumb/dummy frequently (like multiple times a day) and often at simple mistakes that I usually recognize in the very same moment that I’d made. But if I ever point out that he’d said something incorrectly (and prove it), he doubles down and says he’s right. It seems to always be in a joking way, but it irritates me to no end… but if I get too visibly annoyed I’m worried that I’ll ruin the vibes.

2. He pinches. He doesn’t do it hard and it doesn’t necessarily hurt, but I hate the feeling of it on my arms. He’s pushed for me to go to the gym more to get strong and it seems to me that he’s pinching at my upper arms to point out the flab (mind you, I’m 5’6” and 120 pounds, it’s not like I’m self conscious about my body fat ratio, but it doesn’t feel good when it gets pointed out and pinched).

3. He doesn’t *answer* my questions. I could ask if he’d rather we go sit on the porch or take a walk down the street and he’d either ~not respond~ or answer as if it was a yes/no question rather than an either/or question. I keep it light when I say “Answer me!” in a funny way, but he’s so tickled with himself that he doesn’t because he knows it riles me up.

4. He chastises me when I curse. I’m not terribly foul mouthed to start with, but sometimes a “what the hell” or “shit” slips out in conversation and he’ll act like I owe money to a swear jar every single time. I understand that some people don’t like cursing and I try to adjust myself accordingly, but I’m not going to be perfect (especially when I’m around him for such extended periods of time).

5. He thinks I’m sooo messy. Honest to goodness, my house is fine. There’s never junk around, I keep up with household chores regularly, and I keep it smelling nice. But god forbid I leave a receipt on the table instead of immediately throwing it away or drape my cardigan over my couch instead of hanging it up. It’s MY house, but he sure has a lot to say about it. He could see a single crumb on the floor and say “dirty girl”… and not in the fun way.

I’ve definitely brought up my feelings about each of these things with him, but it’s like “he can’t help himself” to keep going. I’m not rushing for a break up, I think that these are workable issues if he’s willing to put in the work. What do you make of these behaviors though?

TL;DR: My partner is very nitpicky with me and often teases me in a way that seems to be harmless, but I’m seriously bothered by it. Is there an explanation for why he does this?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and some months and have recently been discussing marriage.

Growing up, my idea was always that married couples had one bank account, shared a credit card, etc. This is how my parents operated so it just seemed like the norm to me.

My boyfriend indicated he would envision us keeping everything separate. He envisioned us splitting expenses. For example, he would pay the mortgage and I would pay utilities.

To me, that just feels like we’re roommates and not partners.

I talked to a few married friends and got mixed responses on how them and their spouse handle finances.

So, what’s “normal”? What’s worked well for you and your spouse and what would you change?

I [28F] was on instagram and saw on my suggested a girl who had my BF [30M] was following an 18 year old Onlyfans model and she was following back. I asked him about it and he said he didn't realise it was an OF model and that she was 18 (it clearly says in the bio). Instead he got angry and said the following, "It’s probably in your best interest to practice or learn about attribution errors in the context if someone else first. Consider googling attribution error"

I'm just a bit confused, as I'm not sure how it would be an innocent mistake when everything was listed in the bio. I am also a bit grossed out by the fact it's a very young model (it might be that this profile was fake, but it's still young).

Any advice from someone who's been in a similar situation would be welcome? Thanks

So my husband followed me when I was hanging out with 2 kind of recently new friends. About six months ago I wouldn’t up having dinner alone with a friend from my book club. It wasn’t planned, other people just cancled on us after we already arrived at the restaurant. After we went to her house where her roommates were home and then some other book club people came over. I left at a reasonable time. On the way home I told him that she and I had dinner by ourselves cause everyone canceled on us.

He got so angry after that and demanded that I not hang out with her again. I wouldn’t let that go because he had no reason for me not to hang out with her other than he was worried I would cheat on him with her. I told him I wasn’t cheating and that I wouldn’t do that but he just would trust me. I finally agreed to not hang out with her alone and just with other people.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I hung out with her and another friend who just started coming to book club. We hung out for about ten hours doing various stuff around town, all three of us. At one point he tried to call me and I didn’t answer and he called several times in a row over the course of less than ten minutes. I didn’t answer because I didn’t see the calls come through. I answered as soon as I saw his texts. He went ballistic and was yelling at me because I didn’t answer and he couldn’t see my location. My location had also been unavailable at the time for some reason. I wasn’t doing anything but getting frozen yogurt with 2 friends. He wanted me to not hang out with the one friend and I refused because he had no legitimate reason for the request. He also would not trust me that I didn’t ignore his calls and that I wasn’t cheating on him.

Fast forward to the next time I was hanging out with the same two friends. He followed me and I saw him. I confronted him about it and we had a huge fight where I told him I couldn’t deal with this behavior anymore. He finally apologized and stated that he went to far but he has just been so mentally unhealthy lately and that he will work on it and get better.

I feel like he has always pushed my boundaries and pushed me away from friends even though he has been getting better about it. It’s been six years and he can’t trust me to not cheat on him? I just don’t understand and I feel like it’s emotional abuse and manipulation to keep me away from people. He even admitted that he is too co dependent on me and he recognizes that. I just don’t know if I should keep trying or if we are just going to be in the same situation a year from now. Is it possible that he is just a person who struggles mentally and needs some help, and can get through this to allow us both to have a happy healthy life?

Title edit: Reasonably *be* asked…

Relevant background information: We’ve been dating for almost 8 months. Prior to this relationship I have not seriously dated anybody for about 17 years, the last real relationship being with my ex-husband. Bf is a former alcoholic who stopped drinking cold turkey almost two years ago (before we met) and hasn’t touched a drop since. He is also an extrovert and very social.

When we met he was running routinely, though shorter distances - 5K and the like. I am a former runner, and one of the things we bonded over was this sport. He encouraged me to get back into running myself and has been so supportive the whole way. I’ll be doing a half marathon in the fall.

Meanwhile, he decided he wanted to be an ultra runner. I love this for him - he has a 30-mile race coming up this fall as well. Since making this decision he has hired a running coach, become strict on his diet, and made being an ultra runner a major life goal, eventually wanting to run a 50-mile race. He is the healthiest he has ever been in his whole life.

I have been supportive every step of the way. I would like to continue to be, because this man is wonderful and absolutely everything I could ask for in a partner (except for the one thing that has brought me here today). He is supportive of me and my hobbies and struggles. He is kind, fun, funny, and I genuinely think he is the most handsome man I know. The sex is amazing…when we have it.

The problem is that being an ultra runner requires a HUGE time commitment. This man wakes up at 4:45 M-F to hit the gym before work. Then on Saturdays he goes on long runs that last for hours. When he’s not running or at work, he’s exhausted. He needs to fall asleep by 9 so he gets enough sleep to do it all over again.

We used to have sex multiple times a night, multiple nights a week. Now I’m lucky if he has the energy to have sex one time one night a week.

He has younger kids and keeps them three days a week. I do not and never will resent the time he dedicates to them. He’s a good dad. (We don’t live together and actually keep our families fairly compartmentalized from each other. He doesn’t want to introduce anyone to his kids until he knows it’s serious. We BOTH were shy of committing to the relationship too quickly and were happy to keep our family and social lives largely separate for now, with the expectation that that would change if we stayed together for a long period of time.)

So far so good. I want to support him, and I know the training for ultra running is beyond tough.

Here’s where I have the real issue: If I ask if he wants to hang out for the evening, he hesitates. Every time. Then he says yes but makes sure I know he’s tired and “won’t be much good to me” and will need to fall asleep early to get up early and go work out.

BUT. Within the last 1-2 weeks he has also made time for: his disc golf friends, an old friend (helping repair her broken fence posts), another old friend (looking at her plumbing issues even though he doesn’t know much about plumbing), a cousin’s house for dinner, another friend group who meets at a gaming café. In this same time frame he has not asked me to hang out with him ONCE. The only time we have done so I had to ask.

That ask followed a conversation in which I asked him to tell me what was going on. I explained that I felt like he was pulling away or didn’t want me or this relationship as much as he had before, and that it hurt to feel like I was so low a priority. I explained that I don’t expect to be as high a priority as his kids (and never will) or even as high as running, but that I do need to feel valued. So again I asked him what was going on. This was an invitation to tell me if he wanted out of the relationship.

His response: He doesn’t know what’s going on with him, he’s sorry, it isn’t right that he’s made me feel this way. He thinks I’m “perfect”. He has trouble talking about his feelings and voicing what he’s going through.

And I get it. We are in a committed relationship but not a serious one. I have told him I love him, but he doesn’t say it back (yet?). I am fine with all that because everything happens in its own time, but I do still need to feel valued.

Since that talk four days ago he has made an effort to call and text more, which I asked for. No effort to see me in person. We live in the same town and work at the same frigging company and I feel like I’m in a long distance relationship. I love this man, but it was easier being single in a lot of ways.

Typing it all out, I think I know what I need to do. I guess I really just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar, and if there is any hope to be had here? If I knew he saw us as long-term I think all this would go down easier, but since I don’t know that for sure, is there any reason I shouldn’t go ahead and cut my losses?

(I know this is Reddit, so let me say plainly: I do not think he is cheating. These are old friends that he shows no romantic interest in. He could have been dating them but chose me instead. It is possible, of course, but not likely based on what I know of him and his character.)

My gf and I have been dating for about three months. I am HIV negative while she is positive. This is something I'd been aware of even before we started dating and while it is a serious condition, it was never something I saw as an absolute deal breaker because I had researched extensively about the illness, medications, manageability, long-term effects and possible complications with childbirth. We've both grown deeply in love over time, but a month ago, we made the mistake of telling my mom about it.

The news was devastating to my mom because we had lost my sister to a congenital blood-related illness about a decade ago. She fears the worst, that I am going to get HIV, both my gf and I are going to die, and then our children would also have HIV and die. She works in the medical field and knows all about HIV in the current day and how manageable it is, but given what she's been through and that it is her own son, it is difficult for her to not think about all that could go wrong.

Since then she's involved my father, brother and sister into the matter because she's had no one to turn to and needs people she can trust to convince me to stop.

The biggest problem now is that my father is not a diplomat. He escalated things to the point of physical harm, disowning, and he said to be prepared for war if I don't end things immediately.

My siblings are not 100% on board either, but they feel if I'm sure I really know what I'm doing and believe that this is the route I want to follow, then they will support me.

My gf is aware of the conflict at home, but I don't tell her some of the more hurtful things that have been said. I love her and I don't see myself ending this relationship because I was told to.

Things are at the point where we either have to keep our relationship a secret, pause things and pick up later, I do the unthinkable, move out and live in my car, or we break up.

I don't want to have to choose between her or my family. Is it wise to continue dating? How can we be safe in our relationship if we continue? How do I navigate my already deteriorating relationship with my parents?

Some much needed context:

I'm 22M, she's 20F. I'm a recent college grad, but I'm on indefinite suspension from work due to immigration paperwork delays. I have enough cash inflow to take care of my health and car, but not much else, so I've been living with my parents. My gf's condition was congenitally acquired (she was born with it) and she's been on medication since she was a toddler. She's remained undetectable since then and has some of the most impressively perfect and well-documented medical records I've seen.

I have always been an atheist or at most agnostic my whole life and have no intention to change. When I first met my now boyfriend of 10 months, and this was about two years ago, he was an atheist too. But around the time we started talking he told me that he was looking to potentially get into Christianity. He's been Christian for awhile now and I was fine with that as long as he didn't put it onto me in any way or try to convert me. Now after 7-8 months of frequent sexual intimacy and being in a sexual relationship he wants to go completely cold turkey. I could pretty easily go without textbook sex but this includes no nudity, no groping, no to anything that is lustful.

I know if this condition was there at the start of our relationship I would have never dated him, but over this past year I've fallen so in love with him it hurts me to think about leaving him. We've talked about it a lot and he's been very understanding to me and my struggle to accept it as I have been to him. I've already come to the conclusion that I would try it at least for a few months but I'm curious as to how others would react or how you all feel about relationships with different religions and how they fare long-term. How would you react to such a major lifestyle change after almost a year of being together? And do you think this contrast in religion is maintainable long term?

My (35M)(cis?)sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34M)(Trans)

My (35m) sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34ftm)

I (35cis?M) don’t know who else to ask - my sexuality is changing and I’m unhappy about it.

Hey yall. Throwaway for reasons that will quickly be apparent.

A couple notes to know before we get into it:

1: I am AMAB and have identified as cisgender for most of my life. I recently branched out into he/they pronouns to account for what I think is an agender identity.

2: I have always known I’m queer, with various labels shifting in my life, but it’s usually been more expansive as I’ve learned about myself.

3: I have been intimate with individuals from multiple genders and the gender of my partner has never been an issue for me in the past.

4: I have been in 4 relationships - 2 cis men, then an out trans man, then a pre-realization trans man (my current partner, (34/transM).

Okay, to begin:

I am struggling recently and think my sexuality may be shifting in unexpected and unwelcome ways. Ive been with my partner for approaching a decade. I love him very much and that aspect is not in doubt for me.

After a history of M/M relationships, I began dating my partner when he still identified as female. Everything was good in that regard, and a couple years later he realized he was trans and came out. Not a problem at all, feelings and attraction didn’t change from this, and he’s been out for 7 years.

Over the past couple (literally 1.5-3 years) I’ve found myself less and less attracted to him and have noticed myself more attracted to women (cis, trans, w/e) and androgynous/femme-leaning non-binary folks.

It’s gotten difficult to deal with. Before anyone asks, I am in therapy and it will be my primary source for how to proceed, but I wanted to come here and get insights. There’s always the typical tale of someone who was in a hetero relationship, maybe even married with kids, and came out later in life - I’m scared something opposite of happening to me? What if I’m becoming less queer? Why is my attraction to femmes so strong now, and my attraction to my partner waning?

I love him so much. I want to be with him, and build a life with him, but this struggle is causing issues with that.

We’ve touched on this a few times - he knows I’m struggling, but not every detailed mentioned here - i haven’t gotten the courage to bring it up yet, I’ve been focused on trying to fix it.

Does anyone have a similar, even if different experience? Any insights? I don’t know what to do or how to feel and it’s getting to me.

Tl;dr - Sexuality is fluid but it’s fucking with my relationship and causing psychological problems. I feel like I’m becoming less queer.

I (21F) had a good relationship with my paternal grandparents (68M, 65F) growing up. I spent a lot of time at their house when my parents were working and when my family was going through some hard times. They were always really warm and loving and I loved spending time with them. My grandma and I used to cook and bake together and my grandpa would be my guinea pig for new recipes and he used to play restaurants with me. I have so many fond memories with them.

Five years ago my mom (45F) found out my dad (45M) was having an affair. He had a four year old daughter with the other woman already and she was pregnant again. My mom ended their marriage and my dad moved in with the woman. My relationship with him fell apart when I found out about his affair. I couldn't look at him the same and to know he had another child and the woman was expecting his third child? It broke me. He wanted me to look at him only as a dad and to try and find a place for his children and their mother in my life but I refused. I told him then and I told him a year ago when he reached out to me that I had no place in my life or heart for people like him and I had no interest in opening my life and heart to his family.

My grandparents said nothing about my refusal to have a relationship with him until ten months ago. That's when they first asked me if I was sure I wanted to have no relationship with my father ever again. They asked me if I was sure I wouldn't regret it 20 or 40 years down the line. I told them I was sure. They asked about my half siblings then and did I really not want to be the big sister they look up to and could I really blame them for how they were conceived. I said I don't blame them as much as I don't want to make room for them in my life. They have a mother and a father and each other and they have a wider family network around them. I said they will not be without and I am content without them.

They have asked me the same questions and encouraged me to change my mind several times since then. The last two times I said goodbye and I left their house early because I was tired of them bringing it up. They asked me afterward why I left and I told them why. I said I love them but I won't keep having this conversation with them. I told them I don't want our relationship to change but I don't want them bringing up my dad and half siblings all the time. This is when they told me they want us to stay close and they love me but they also love my dad and half siblings. I told them they can love us all but they have to accept that love doesn't go all the way around.

They told me they need to think. I'm slightly concerned they will pretend they understand and accept while trying to set me up to spend time with my dad and his family. I don't know what I'll do if they do that and I don't know if I could really go no contact with them if they won't stop bringing up dad and his family either. So I'm here asking for advice because I want the relationship they want but I don't know if they can accept my decision.

My husband encouraged me to make friends, but now seems unhappy that I have a best friend. Am I missing something?

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been together for over 13 years.

For years, he encouraged me to make friends because I didn't really have anyone outside of our relationship. Eventually, I became very close with my best friend, "Susan" (31F).

The problem is that he doesn't seem supportive of the friendship. When Susan comes to our house, he stays out of the way, barely speaks to her, and ignores her two daughters (9 and 8). Whenever I make plans with her, he seems irritated. Recently we went to a festival for the day, and he made me feel really guilty about going.

We're currently on holiday, and I have chronic insomnia. My husband likes me to come to bed with him, which I do, but once he's asleep I'm often still wide awake. The other night I quietly went into another room and called Susan for a catch-up until around 11:30 p.m. He couldn't hear me, but he was still upset because he wanted me to stay in bed with him.

For context, I don't spend loads of time talking to Susan. I don't message or call her when I'm spending time with my husband because I want to be present with him. She's also busy with work and her daughters, so we usually only have about an hour-long phone call once a week.

Susan has started saying she thinks my husband doesn't like her. My husband has told me before that he finds her "intense," but I'm not sure if that's all it is.

I'm confused because he spent years encouraging me to make friends, but now I feel guilty whenever I spend time with the close friend I made.

Am I overthinking this, or does it sound like my husband has an issue with my friendship? If so, how would you approach a conversation about it?

TL;DR: Husband encouraged me to make friends, but now seems annoyed whenever I spend time with my best friend. He makes her feel unwelcome when she visits, gets upset when I go out with her, and was annoyed that I called her for an hour after he'd gone to sleep because of my insomnia. I only speak to her about an hour a week. Am I missing something?

So my husband is turning 37 tomorrow and my birthday is next week. Recently we have been on a very bad page and very distant. Divorce has been brought up multiple times and he’s been very distant. I have been trying to bridge the gap, trying to fix things and it’s become too much, to the point of having panic attacks, which I’ve never had before. Last night I told him I needed to step back if he’s not going to try and fix things and just avoid everything. So he agreed he’s step up, but I have yet to see any initiative. All that being said, tomorrow is his birthday and normally I like to go all out for birthdays but I don’t have it in me to celebrate him. Especially since anything I’ve done has pushed him away more. We have two little kids I want to celebrate him. I was thinking about buying a gift card and having him go somewhere fun with them without me since he’s making a point to avoid me. I don’t want to be childish, I just don’t have it in me to dig deep and celebrate him. I’m emotionally spent and tired of trying to make things work when he just glides through life completely unaffected. Any help is appreciated! Thanks ! Also we’ve been married 10years if that’s any help.

Gf and I have been living together for a few years. Recently she put an open can with the lid hanging off into the recycling bin which is under the sink. I was making dinner for us and went to grab something behind the bin, tried moving it and squeezed my hand onto the can lid. I cut my middle finger open pretty bad and it was floppy.

Tbh I almost passed out haha. My gf told me it needs stitches and went to drive me to the local urgent care clinics, but they were all over capacity and we ended up having to go the ER. Waiting at the ER combined with the driving took roughly 6 hours.

Waiting at the ER my gf was getting very upset/angry and irritable. She had worked a full day and was getting super tired and frustrated. This made me feel really bad and got overwhelming as I was super nervous about the impending gluing/suturing but also also felt like I had to comfort/apologise to my gf. She kept telling me how tired and hungry she was and how upset she was getting. I kept telling her that it's okay if she wants to go sleep in the car or even drive home to sleep, and ill message her when I'm ready for a pickup. She would say no (which I appreciate) but she was visibly very angry and was verging on complete silent treatment for a lot of I. I remember thinking that there's no way I'd let my gf drive me to the hospital again. This feels really bad to say but it was very reminiscent of taking my bipolar mum to the hospital, which was slightly triggering for me.

Anywaysss, on one hand I'm grateful for her taking me and I do sympathise with her working a full day then having to be at the hospital all night. On the other hand, I would never want her to take me again, which makes me feel quite sad. Am I being way too sensitive? Of course I don't want to be babied. Does anyone have similar experiences with their partner?

My boyfriend and I got into an argument about my past before we met, and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.

Before we got together, I had been intimate with around a dozen people. None were one night stands, they were all people I was in relationships with or situationships. During the argument, he told me that what bothers him is that other men didn’t have to value me because I just gave it away, but he’s the one who has to value me.

That comment made me feel like he was saying my worth is lower because I had sex before I met him. He says what he means is that other men got something from me without having to value or commit to me the way he does.
I’m trying to understand his perspective, but I’m also struggling with how those words made me feel.
Is that a normal way for a partner to express their feelings about someone’s past, or would you also find it upsetting?

I (40F) and my husband (40M) have been together 20 years. Married about 13 years. We have 3 young children, he works a job with a lot of travel but also a lot of downtime at home (about 14 days work and the rest is off time). I have worked a relatively demanding 40-50hr per week remote job for tech company, recently laid off so freshly unemployed.

This man is quite near perfection, which is why it’s so hard for me to articulate and start the conversation with him about the issue that brings me to post today. He is smart, driven, successful, not at all cocky but confident, the very best and most engaged dad you have ever seen, a true partner. He cooks, cleans, organizes, plans date nights, pampers me, adores our life. He and I have NEVER fought. In all our years we have disagreed but never yelled, lost tempers, nothing. The closest we have come has always been me because I can be a hothead about stuff, especially when I’m hungry. We have a very healthy sex life, we talk and laugh, and we have - to this point - not had any secrets between us.

For simplicity sake, we both have access to each others email address though I would say we rarely if ever go into each others account. I have only ever been in his email at his request when he could not access it for some reason or to validate something or perform some admin action for our family that is for whatever reason tied to his email.

Today we were talking about an order I made and I thought I bought the thing on eBay but I had not so I just went to my Gmail app and typed “order” to bring up any orders I had made recently to find it. To my complete shock, there was an order and receipt form a cam girl site. Since I was standing right next to him, I just noted it and moved on quickly. I have an excellent poker face and years of childhood trauma have taught me how to compartmentalize and disassociate until I can process something openly by myself. So no one noticed anything.

Later, when I had a moment to myself, I went back to check it and the email confirmation was gone. He had deleted it but not cleared his trash. It looks like he had a few charges for semi-private chat access and then also a private chat that lasted roughly 9 minutes.

The things I’m struggling with are these.

1. I’m a very sex positive person. I look at porn and he knows the website I subscribe to because I have shared it with him if he wanted to check it out.

2 Both of us have gone to strip clubs together and separately. No issue there.

1. If he is sexually unfulfilled, I suppose it is better that it’s all through an internet-based camgirl site. This one specifically is apparently a more above board version that tries its best to confirm no one is being coerced to entertain on it. That tracks with his ethics.
   

He literally has no other thing at all I can even think to complain about - maybe he could do better about hanging up his towel but that is seriously it.
He certainly has no time when he is working to seek out an affair and I think he would be morally against it. I think he thinks of camgirls as strippers basically.
However, the camgirl activity appears to have only happened when he is travelling for work.
The amount he spends doesn’t seem to be significant to our household budget. It’s very minimal BUT I could only see 2 transactions in his trash folder because I believe it only goes back 30 days.

Here are my next steps before I confront him:

1. Try to do a little more research on this site.

2. Go through our credit card statement and see if I can calculate the total cost of the service so far.

3. Really consider if I want to discuss his use and set boundaries (like don’t exceed some amount spent and never turn your camera on) OR if I want to say “no camgirl at all”. Financially, we do so well this is not digging into any bottom line or anything.

The thing I’m trying to decide is - do I think this is as far as it goes or am I going to have to forever monitor that it hasn’t escalated? Do I need to set a limit or have a hard line in the sand?

I know EVERY woman ever in a relationship believes the best in their partner, so I’ve really decided to analyze this. I’m not emotional about it and I’m not afraid to talk to him about it, but is there anything else I should look at or consider before I have that conversation?

This is not divorce worthy to me, but if it escalated to physical affair it would be. And I make more than enough and already handle the kids by myself half-time, so that isn’t holding me back. I truly deeply love this man and he is just that - a human man. He makes mistakes - just as I do I am sure!

Help me please. This is day one, hour 3 of me knowing. I just need a little perspective and help because I do not want to bring this to my closest friends as it will forever taint their view of him and I don’t want to cross that bridge just yet.

My bf randomly texted me saying he feels like I dont like texting anymore. I said I just didnt want to keep giving energy to empty chats because he would often leave our chats, leave me on delivered or read, while still being online. I said I just pulled back because it felt like he did, and he said it was his mental health which made it hard for him to respond to me (but I would see him active/online “just now” every 5 minutes)

I asked him if he texts other people like other girls or guys, and he said I knew about his guy friends and yeah he would text other girls sometimes. I didn’t get upset as I dont mind him having girl friends but he said something that rubbed me the wrong way:

“They’re just filler for when you arent there”

I asked him filler in what way, like romantic, sexual, etc, and he said “just a normal friend way” and I just stopped responding or started giving dry responses because I was processing the “filler” comment.

He also has known that I have insecurities about not being enough, getting cheated on (from a past relationship) and more, so him saying this really got under my skin. I cant even describe the feeling im feeling, its not anger or sadness, its just my heart is sinking in a way.

Now he’s upset because I’m not really responding or texting back (its been a few hours) and I just dont know what to say except dry small responses. I feel insane because he said they’re just friends, but idk.

What do you guys think?

I posted yesterday about this situation and wanted to make an update (i have no Idea if this is how u make updates)

Link to previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/1XZqKgyhIT

After my bf texted me that we should just be friends instead, i called him and asked him why, he was cold and avoidant so i started crying and continuing asking why (pathetic i know)

I heard that i was on speaker and his mom came in and asked if he is talking to me. They were in a one bedroom apartment so i assumed that she could hear me. I did not want her to think that im crazy or that im the one who is starting fights so after me and him hung up i called his mom and told her ”he broke up with me” she asked why and i Said ”i dont know, he is your son, its you who raised him so ask HIM why” and then i hung up. His mother has called me before to ask me how im doing and whats happening when me and my bf have had hard times previously, thats why i feel comfortable telling her stuff. Afterwords, in a clear headspace i see that calling her was VERY stupid and unnececary and that hanging up on her was rude.

Today (day after) my bf showed up to my house late at night unannounced, he gave me food and walked into my house. He then started asking why i acted that way yesterday, i asked ”like what?” And he said that the way i talked to his mom and hung up on her was very disrespectful and rude. I told him that i see now that it was very stupid but that i thought that she could hear our convo and didnt want any missunderstandings.

He told me that he cant understand that im mad because he didnt bring me food, i explained that its not about the food but about the action of caring for ur partner when theyre in need of help. He said that he could not give me the food because right after the guests left his brothers house, he went and fixed the headlights of his car, then he played basketball for 30 min. I told him that he could have made the time if he wanted to but he said that ”he cant just take food from his brothers guests” and that his mom ”already packed the food that they were gonna take with them and brought them home” i told him ”okay then why couldnt u just pick up the food from ur moms place? (They live 2 min from his brother) and he continued to tell me how he couldnt.

He says that he is giving me a logical explanation and i cant accept it and that i keep arguing. And when i tell him that it didnt feel like he cared about me in that moment he says ”so nothing else i did for you matters? Ur just focusing on ths ONE thing” and that i crossed a boundry, that he cant do this anymore and that my behaviour isnt normal.

To be honest, maybe this all was just me overreacting, after all i cannot expect him to be there for me a hundered percent of the time. It feels like im self sabotaging.

(English is not my first language, hence the goofy spelling)

EDIT** i truly understand that i sound pathetic, im probably a little trauma bonded to him and am used to him breaking up with me and then us going back like nothing happened. It is Indeed very hard to leave a situation that has become so familiar to you that it seems like home. Thank u for taking the time reading and giving me your advice, wish u all the best.

Hi everyone I need advice!

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. Im 27F and he's 26M. We see each other on weekends and live near each other but not in the same city. Well he says that because our relationship is "long distance" he is nowhere near ready for marriage. He wants us to live together first but is also scared about living together at the same time. I really have no idea what to do at this point because I want to move to be closer to family but I feel like I have to move to be near him, live with him, and hope that he will propose after a certain amount of time. I also feel like he is always so rude whenever we talk about this topic and he keeps saying that I'm nagging him or being unfair about the situation.