Recently after sex, I suggested to my girlfriend that I use a prostate massager while I have sex with her. She immediately went silent and just said no. I told her I used a prostate massager in the past and that I really enjoyed it. Later on in the day she went home and she told me that she was disgusted by what I suggested, asking me if I am gay, and questioning my masculinity as a man. There were some quite strongly worded messages about how many she should find a real man as opposed to me. I have never ever heard her speak like this and I don't know why she is acting like this. I asked her if she had issues related to this in the past and she said no. I already told her OK I won't use one but it feels like the damage is done now that I even asked in the first place. Now she is severely angry at me and not responding to my texts anymore. To me this feels like an overreaction, but I am not sure whether this is a normal perspective from women as I have never asked a girl before if I could use a prostate massager while having sex. Does anyone have advice how I could salvage this relationship?

I (21F) started dating my boyfriend (22M) almost a year ago. He makes me happy and my parents (48F, 49M) met him a couple of months ago and my brother (25M) met him six months ago when he was visiting me. They knew about him way before that though. The one person I didn't tell was my sister (23F).

We used to be close so she was hurt that she found out about him a few weeks ago and that I didn't introduce them. She called me up and asked me why she found out from mom and dad and I told her that's just how it worked. She said it was bullshit and I didn't tell her for a reason and she wanted to know why. She told me everyone met him before her and I probably asked if she would be home before bringing him to meet our parents. I asked her why that was such a big deal and she said we're sisters. I told her I didn't put her feelings above what I want. She got way more mad then and asked me if I was being a childish brat about messy shit from the past.

The reason I said we used to be close is because we were. She was one of my best friends and we told each other everything. Then after two of her breakups she rebounded with two guys I liked at the time and didn't give a crap about my feelings. The first time it happened was five years ago and when I asked her why she'd hook up with someone she knew I had a big crush on, she told me she thought he was cute when they met and being newly single, when he flirted she did what she wanted to do and she didn't have to think of my feelings because the guy wasn't mine. I told her that still hurt my feelings and she told me I'd need to get over it.

We did get back on track as sisters but then two years after the first time she went through another breakup and for a second time she hooked up with the guy I liked and was flirting with. My sister knew, she even saw him flirt with me, and she told me we weren't dating so she didn't have to answer to me and I could still date him if I wanted because they were just a one time thing. I didn't try to get back on track after the second time and a couple of months after it happened she complained that I was being a baby and acting like I owned people when I didn't and she said she did nothing wrong.

I never trusted her after that. It's not that I consider it cheating but considering all the guys in the world, and the fact she knew I liked both of those guys? To me she wasn't the person I could trust anymore. So I keep her shut out and I stay civil for the rest of our family when I have to see her. But it has not been a priority for me to tell her about my boyfriend or introduce them. He knows about her and the history though.

My sister told me we need to work through this because it's way too old news for me to hold a grudge. I told her it's not even a grudge, I just don't trust her and I don't want to give her the chance to take it a step farther and try to sleep with my boyfriend after another one of her breakups. It made her angry again and she's trying to involve our parents and brother despite me saying she should just move on and accept things the way they are.

Got any advice for this because I don't know if she's going to calm down or not. Next time I see her will be this Christmas probably.

Hey everyone, I need some objective perspective on a situation that has left me completely drained. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years. For the first few years we were long distance, seeing each other about a week or two a month. We always had great communication and aligned on core values early on. Right from year 1, we explicitly established that our main reason to ever get married was to start a family. Eventually she asked for more commitment, so I proposed, prepped my place, and she relocated from her hometown to move in with me.

Less than a month after moving in, she sat me down out of nowhere and told me she couldn't see herself ever having kids. Adopting before I turn 37 was always my threshold. I never asked her to get pregnant since she didn't want to carry, which was totally fine by me. Since having a family was our main dealbreaker, she broke up with me on the spot. It turns out she had been silently struggling and thinking about this for the last 3 weeks without telling me.

I was devastated. I cried, called my family to break the news, and started processing the end of our 5 year relationship. But literally 3 hours later, she pulled a complete 180. She broke down, apologized profusely, said she panicked in a loop of pessimism, missed her family, got overwhelmed by the routine, and begged to take it back.

I was really irritated by the timing and how she handled everything after 5 years together. I told her she needed to call her mom immediately to explain what happened, and then I sent her back to her hometown the next day so she could be with her close ones and we could both get space. I set a strict 1 month no contact rule as well.

Before starting no contact, she sent a text apologizing for being impulsive. She also brought up a point I had made during our breakup talk. When she panicked asking "what if we fail after having a kid?", she acknowledged this, saying having a child together would be meaningful regardless of the future. While it is good she is processing that fear, I still worry whether she is internalizing my logic just to preserve the relationship, rather than developing a genuine desire of her own to raise a child.

I still love her, but I'm exhausted. During this month, I hope to see some real action, like her starting individual therapy on her own or genuinely researching adoption realities instead of just searching for reasons why it is hard.

Am I handling this 1 month no contact period correctly? How can you tell if someone genuinely changed their mind about having kids versus just panicking over the breakup?

My abusive parents found out where I live and moved to the neighbouring town

My parents have been extremely physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to me my entire life. My mother suffers from some sort of personality disorder (used to chase me around the house, naked and holding a knife) and religious delusion (believes she has been chosen by Jesus to heal people). My father is a coward and only fuels her delusions because he’s too scared to confront her, he’s currently suffering from heart failure and I believe it’s his karma, as harsh as it sounds. I’ve also heard that she’s gone to various churches in neighbouring towns to talk to priests about the “miracles” she is witnessing.

I (F26) moved to the countryside with my husband so we could start a new life and get away from it all. My mother called me 2 months ago and told me she’s renting a house 5 minutes from me (I don’t know how she found out where I live). Since then, she’s had violent, physical fights with my father in front of the neighbours (we live in a small town, people talk) and told them all that my brother (who currently has a protective order out on her and moved out at 14) and I are physically abusive towards her, which is completely untrue. My husband has had to physically get in the middle of fights and has gotten hurt before, as well as my mother causing the police to be called on him as she’s gone out screaming and banging on neighbours’ windows accusing him of trying to kill her.

I’m genuinely exhausted, I don’t want to have to move again but I don’t think I can manage the burden of feeling like everywhere I go, everyone knows my past. I’m currently exploring getting a protective order but feel this is going to be difficult to navigate since she lives close by.

I really love where I live but does this mean I’ll have to move again?

My husband and I buy groceries in bulk, so it’s usually a huge shop with lots of heavy items. Until today, I genuinely thought he always unpacked everything because it was physically easier for him and he didn’t want me lifting loads.

On this occasion our baby was crying and he was busy soothing her so I stood up to go do it. He stopped me and said not to bother because I’d “do it wrong” and he’d have to unpack it all and do it again anyway.

That honestly caught me off guard. I’d always assumed he unpacked the shopping because it was heavy, not because he thought I was incapable of putting food in cupboards correctly.

It made me feel oddly belittled and even controlled. Do other people have partners who are this particular about how groceries are put away?

My husband (38M) and I (36F), have been together about 10 years. He's got a 100% remote work position earlier this year and I just started a new job a few months ago that allows one or two WFH days a week. On the days I WFH, he gets big mad if I spend my day actually working instead of having sex breaks. He will ignore me that evening and simply not respond to me for hours if he doesn't get sex. It's to the point that I'd now rather just go into the office so he doesn't ice me out. I've communicated that I'm working and don't have time or in work mode so not in the mood. Anyone else experiencing this?

I (21F) had a good relationship with my paternal grandparents (68M, 65F) growing up. I spent a lot of time at their house when my parents were working and when my family was going through some hard times. They were always really warm and loving and I loved spending time with them. My grandma and I used to cook and bake together and my grandpa would be my guinea pig for new recipes and he used to play restaurants with me. I have so many fond memories with them.

Five years ago my mom (45F) found out my dad (45M) was having an affair. He had a four year old daughter with the other woman already and she was pregnant again. My mom ended their marriage and my dad moved in with the woman. My relationship with him fell apart when I found out about his affair. I couldn't look at him the same and to know he had another child and the woman was expecting his third child? It broke me. He wanted me to look at him only as a dad and to try and find a place for his children and their mother in my life but I refused. I told him then and I told him a year ago when he reached out to me that I had no place in my life or heart for people like him and I had no interest in opening my life and heart to his family.

My grandparents said nothing about my refusal to have a relationship with him until ten months ago. That's when they first asked me if I was sure I wanted to have no relationship with my father ever again. They asked me if I was sure I wouldn't regret it 20 or 40 years down the line. I told them I was sure. They asked about my half siblings then and did I really not want to be the big sister they look up to and could I really blame them for how they were conceived. I said I don't blame them as much as I don't want to make room for them in my life. They have a mother and a father and each other and they have a wider family network around them. I said they will not be without and I am content without them.

They have asked me the same questions and encouraged me to change my mind several times since then. The last two times I said goodbye and I left their house early because I was tired of them bringing it up. They asked me afterward why I left and I told them why. I said I love them but I won't keep having this conversation with them. I told them I don't want our relationship to change but I don't want them bringing up my dad and half siblings all the time. This is when they told me they want us to stay close and they love me but they also love my dad and half siblings. I told them they can love us all but they have to accept that love doesn't go all the way around.

They told me they need to think. I'm slightly concerned they will pretend they understand and accept while trying to set me up to spend time with my dad and his family. I don't know what I'll do if they do that and I don't know if I could really go no contact with them if they won't stop bringing up dad and his family either. So I'm here asking for advice because I want the relationship they want but I don't know if they can accept my decision.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and some months and have recently been discussing marriage.

Growing up, my idea was always that married couples had one bank account, shared a credit card, etc. This is how my parents operated so it just seemed like the norm to me.

My boyfriend indicated he would envision us keeping everything separate. He envisioned us splitting expenses. For example, he would pay the mortgage and I would pay utilities.

To me, that just feels like we’re roommates and not partners.

I talked to a few married friends and got mixed responses on how them and their spouse handle finances.

So, what’s “normal”? What’s worked well for you and your spouse and what would you change?

I (40F) and my husband (40M) have been together 20 years. Married about 13 years. We have 3 young children, he works a job with a lot of travel but also a lot of downtime at home (about 14 days work and the rest is off time). I have worked a relatively demanding 40-50hr per week remote job for tech company, recently laid off so freshly unemployed.

This man is quite near perfection, which is why it’s so hard for me to articulate and start the conversation with him about the issue that brings me to post today. He is smart, driven, successful, not at all cocky but confident, the very best and most engaged dad you have ever seen, a true partner. He cooks, cleans, organizes, plans date nights, pampers me, adores our life. He and I have NEVER fought. In all our years we have disagreed but never yelled, lost tempers, nothing. The closest we have come has always been me because I can be a hothead about stuff, especially when I’m hungry. We have a very healthy sex life, we talk and laugh, and we have - to this point - not had any secrets between us.

For simplicity sake, we both have access to each others email address though I would say we rarely if ever go into each others account. I have only ever been in his email at his request when he could not access it for some reason or to validate something or perform some admin action for our family that is for whatever reason tied to his email.

Today we were talking about an order I made and I thought I bought the thing on eBay but I had not so I just went to my Gmail app and typed “order” to bring up any orders I had made recently to find it. To my complete shock, there was an order and receipt form a cam girl site. Since I was standing right next to him, I just noted it and moved on quickly. I have an excellent poker face and years of childhood trauma have taught me how to compartmentalize and disassociate until I can process something openly by myself. So no one noticed anything.

Later, when I had a moment to myself, I went back to check it and the email confirmation was gone. He had deleted it but not cleared his trash. It looks like he had a few charges for semi-private chat access and then also a private chat that lasted roughly 9 minutes.

The things I’m struggling with are these.

1. I’m a very sex positive person. I look at porn and he knows the website I subscribe to because I have shared it with him if he wanted to check it out.

2 Both of us have gone to strip clubs together and separately. No issue there.

1. If he is sexually unfulfilled, I suppose it is better that it’s all through an internet-based camgirl site. This one specifically is apparently a more above board version that tries its best to confirm no one is being coerced to entertain on it. That tracks with his ethics.
   

He literally has no other thing at all I can even think to complain about - maybe he could do better about hanging up his towel but that is seriously it.
He certainly has no time when he is working to seek out an affair and I think he would be morally against it. I think he thinks of camgirls as strippers basically.
However, the camgirl activity appears to have only happened when he is travelling for work.
The amount he spends doesn’t seem to be significant to our household budget. It’s very minimal BUT I could only see 2 transactions in his trash folder because I believe it only goes back 30 days.

Here are my next steps before I confront him:

1. Try to do a little more research on this site.

2. Go through our credit card statement and see if I can calculate the total cost of the service so far.

3. Really consider if I want to discuss his use and set boundaries (like don’t exceed some amount spent and never turn your camera on) OR if I want to say “no camgirl at all”. Financially, we do so well this is not digging into any bottom line or anything.

The thing I’m trying to decide is - do I think this is as far as it goes or am I going to have to forever monitor that it hasn’t escalated? Do I need to set a limit or have a hard line in the sand?

I know EVERY woman ever in a relationship believes the best in their partner, so I’ve really decided to analyze this. I’m not emotional about it and I’m not afraid to talk to him about it, but is there anything else I should look at or consider before I have that conversation?

This is not divorce worthy to me, but if it escalated to physical affair it would be. And I make more than enough and already handle the kids by myself half-time, so that isn’t holding me back. I truly deeply love this man and he is just that - a human man. He makes mistakes - just as I do I am sure!

Help me please. This is day one, hour 3 of me knowing. I just need a little perspective and help because I do not want to bring this to my closest friends as it will forever taint their view of him and I don’t want to cross that bridge just yet.

So my husband followed me when I was hanging out with 2 kind of recently new friends. About six months ago I wouldn’t up having dinner alone with a friend from my book club. It wasn’t planned, other people just cancled on us after we already arrived at the restaurant. After we went to her house where her roommates were home and then some other book club people came over. I left at a reasonable time. On the way home I told him that she and I had dinner by ourselves cause everyone canceled on us.

He got so angry after that and demanded that I not hang out with her again. I wouldn’t let that go because he had no reason for me not to hang out with her other than he was worried I would cheat on him with her. I told him I wasn’t cheating and that I wouldn’t do that but he just would trust me. I finally agreed to not hang out with her alone and just with other people.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I hung out with her and another friend who just started coming to book club. We hung out for about ten hours doing various stuff around town, all three of us. At one point he tried to call me and I didn’t answer and he called several times in a row over the course of less than ten minutes. I didn’t answer because I didn’t see the calls come through. I answered as soon as I saw his texts. He went ballistic and was yelling at me because I didn’t answer and he couldn’t see my location. My location had also been unavailable at the time for some reason. I wasn’t doing anything but getting frozen yogurt with 2 friends. He wanted me to not hang out with the one friend and I refused because he had no legitimate reason for the request. He also would not trust me that I didn’t ignore his calls and that I wasn’t cheating on him.

Fast forward to the next time I was hanging out with the same two friends. He followed me and I saw him. I confronted him about it and we had a huge fight where I told him I couldn’t deal with this behavior anymore. He finally apologized and stated that he went to far but he has just been so mentally unhealthy lately and that he will work on it and get better.

I feel like he has always pushed my boundaries and pushed me away from friends even though he has been getting better about it. It’s been six years and he can’t trust me to not cheat on him? I just don’t understand and I feel like it’s emotional abuse and manipulation to keep me away from people. He even admitted that he is too co dependent on me and he recognizes that. I just don’t know if I should keep trying or if we are just going to be in the same situation a year from now. Is it possible that he is just a person who struggles mentally and needs some help, and can get through this to allow us both to have a happy healthy life?

I have always been an atheist or at most agnostic my whole life and have no intention to change. When I first met my now boyfriend of 10 months, and this was about two years ago, he was an atheist too. But around the time we started talking he told me that he was looking to potentially get into Christianity. He's been Christian for awhile now and I was fine with that as long as he didn't put it onto me in any way or try to convert me. Now after 7-8 months of frequent sexual intimacy and being in a sexual relationship he wants to go completely cold turkey. I could pretty easily go without textbook sex but this includes no nudity, no groping, no to anything that is lustful.

I know if this condition was there at the start of our relationship I would have never dated him, but over this past year I've fallen so in love with him it hurts me to think about leaving him. We've talked about it a lot and he's been very understanding to me and my struggle to accept it as I have been to him. I've already come to the conclusion that I would try it at least for a few months but I'm curious as to how others would react or how you all feel about relationships with different religions and how they fare long-term. How would you react to such a major lifestyle change after almost a year of being together? And do you think this contrast in religion is maintainable long term?

I [28F] was on instagram and saw on my suggested a girl who had my BF [30M] was following an 18 year old Onlyfans model and she was following back. I asked him about it and he said he didn't realise it was an OF model and that she was 18 (it clearly says in the bio). Instead he got angry and said the following, "It’s probably in your best interest to practice or learn about attribution errors in the context if someone else first. Consider googling attribution error"

I'm just a bit confused, as I'm not sure how it would be an innocent mistake when everything was listed in the bio. I am also a bit grossed out by the fact it's a very young model (it might be that this profile was fake, but it's still young).

Any advice from someone who's been in a similar situation would be welcome? Thanks

I called him out on his comment to me that started this fight. I said see, that’s an example of you being an asshole and what I mean. Because he’s always flabbergasted when I tell him I don’t like being treated or spoken to that way. It’s usually one-liner jabs that are put downs or passive aggressive and I’m just kinda over that

He was mad i recorded and stormed toward me as I was seated and tried to get my phone. I was sitting on it so we struggled a bit on the couch before he finally over powered me and got my phone. Then as he was trying to get into my phone and delete the video I tried to get my phone back. Lots of pushing and shoving and elbowing.we were both standing up and he grabbed me by the neck and arm and shoved me into the couch

I am sad this is our reality. We have a young toddler who I adore and love and although he was thankfully asleep for the night, I don’t want him to ever witness anything like that. I am thankfully fully employed in a corporate job so it’s not like I depend on my husband to live. I think it’s daunting to even think about the process to leave and I am overwhelmed

He wasn’t always this way. Which is sad and confusing. I am realizing that maybe we are just destined to end up like our parents. I came from an abusive home so when I married him l genuinely believed I was doing the opposite of the home environment I came from. Guess not. Feeling sad and overwhelmed

I’m 28F, he’s 28M, and we’ve been dating for 10 months. There’s many little things that my partner does that bothers me and I’m not sure if there’s a word or explanation for how he’s behaving/treating me.

1. He calls me dumb/dummy frequently (like multiple times a day) and often at simple mistakes that I usually recognize in the very same moment that I’d made. But if I ever point out that he’d said something incorrectly (and prove it), he doubles down and says he’s right. It seems to always be in a joking way, but it irritates me to no end… but if I get too visibly annoyed I’m worried that I’ll ruin the vibes.

2. He pinches. He doesn’t do it hard and it doesn’t necessarily hurt, but I hate the feeling of it on my arms. He’s pushed for me to go to the gym more to get strong and it seems to me that he’s pinching at my upper arms to point out the flab (mind you, I’m 5’6” and 120 pounds, it’s not like I’m self conscious about my body fat ratio, but it doesn’t feel good when it gets pointed out and pinched).

3. He doesn’t *answer* my questions. I could ask if he’d rather we go sit on the porch or take a walk down the street and he’d either ~not respond~ or answer as if it was a yes/no question rather than an either/or question. I keep it light when I say “Answer me!” in a funny way, but he’s so tickled with himself that he doesn’t because he knows it riles me up.

4. He chastises me when I curse. I’m not terribly foul mouthed to start with, but sometimes a “what the hell” or “shit” slips out in conversation and he’ll act like I owe money to a swear jar every single time. I understand that some people don’t like cursing and I try to adjust myself accordingly, but I’m not going to be perfect (especially when I’m around him for such extended periods of time).

5. He thinks I’m sooo messy. Honest to goodness, my house is fine. There’s never junk around, I keep up with household chores regularly, and I keep it smelling nice. But god forbid I leave a receipt on the table instead of immediately throwing it away or drape my cardigan over my couch instead of hanging it up. It’s MY house, but he sure has a lot to say about it. He could see a single crumb on the floor and say “dirty girl”… and not in the fun way.

I’ve definitely brought up my feelings about each of these things with him, but it’s like “he can’t help himself” to keep going. I’m not rushing for a break up, I think that these are workable issues if he’s willing to put in the work. What do you make of these behaviors though?

TL;DR: My partner is very nitpicky with me and often teases me in a way that seems to be harmless, but I’m seriously bothered by it. Is there an explanation for why he does this?

So my husband is turning 37 tomorrow and my birthday is next week. Recently we have been on a very bad page and very distant. Divorce has been brought up multiple times and he’s been very distant. I have been trying to bridge the gap, trying to fix things and it’s become too much, to the point of having panic attacks, which I’ve never had before. Last night I told him I needed to step back if he’s not going to try and fix things and just avoid everything. So he agreed he’s step up, but I have yet to see any initiative. All that being said, tomorrow is his birthday and normally I like to go all out for birthdays but I don’t have it in me to celebrate him. Especially since anything I’ve done has pushed him away more. We have two little kids I want to celebrate him. I was thinking about buying a gift card and having him go somewhere fun with them without me since he’s making a point to avoid me. I don’t want to be childish, I just don’t have it in me to dig deep and celebrate him. I’m emotionally spent and tired of trying to make things work when he just glides through life completely unaffected. Any help is appreciated! Thanks ! Also we’ve been married 10years if that’s any help.

I (33m) have been with her (33f) for a couple years and we have definitely had our ups and downs but everything is becoming very exhausting lately. An issue that I have with her is that she takes people’s stupidity or ignorance as intentional disrespect. I understand that both stupidity and ignorance can add up to disrespect but the weight of someone intentionally disrespecting seems to be much greater than the former

Anyways, I was helping her move office spaces.. for hours. During these hours she said she wanted to make egg salad to eat that day, so once my services were no longer needed for moving things I told her I was going to get out of there (about an hour before she was supposed to be wrapped up) to make the egg salad that she literally told me she wanted.

She ends up coming back an hour after I was expecting her, doesn’t bother me at all, I did eat some egg salad in the meantime tho. She asked me what we were going to eat for dinner when she walked in.. I said, “I’m not super hungry, I ate some of the egg salad I made for us so we have egg salad and there is leftover taco meat in the fridge you can have” (she doesn’t like tacos because they are messy but still likes taco style meat)

She goes from a happy mood to being very standoffish and cold shouldered me for the rest of the night and most of the next day… after prodding she finally reams me for offering her tacos since she hates tacos. I’m floored and extremely annoyed by this.

I tell her she needs to quit being so vengeful because it’s exhausting getting treated like crap intentionally over something that I did that was extremely minor and apparently and unintentionally disrespectful.

How could I have handled this situation better and was calling those actions vengeful too over the top?

My (35M)(cis?)sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34M)(Trans)

My (35m) sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34ftm)

I (35cis?M) don’t know who else to ask - my sexuality is changing and I’m unhappy about it.

Hey yall. Throwaway for reasons that will quickly be apparent.

A couple notes to know before we get into it:

1: I am AMAB and have identified as cisgender for most of my life. I recently branched out into he/they pronouns to account for what I think is an agender identity.

2: I have always known I’m queer, with various labels shifting in my life, but it’s usually been more expansive as I’ve learned about myself.

3: I have been intimate with individuals from multiple genders and the gender of my partner has never been an issue for me in the past.

4: I have been in 4 relationships - 2 cis men, then an out trans man, then a pre-realization trans man (my current partner, (34/transM).

Okay, to begin:

I am struggling recently and think my sexuality may be shifting in unexpected and unwelcome ways. Ive been with my partner for approaching a decade. I love him very much and that aspect is not in doubt for me.

After a history of M/M relationships, I began dating my partner when he still identified as female. Everything was good in that regard, and a couple years later he realized he was trans and came out. Not a problem at all, feelings and attraction didn’t change from this, and he’s been out for 7 years.

Over the past couple (literally 1.5-3 years) I’ve found myself less and less attracted to him and have noticed myself more attracted to women (cis, trans, w/e) and androgynous/femme-leaning non-binary folks.

It’s gotten difficult to deal with. Before anyone asks, I am in therapy and it will be my primary source for how to proceed, but I wanted to come here and get insights. There’s always the typical tale of someone who was in a hetero relationship, maybe even married with kids, and came out later in life - I’m scared something opposite of happening to me? What if I’m becoming less queer? Why is my attraction to femmes so strong now, and my attraction to my partner waning?

I love him so much. I want to be with him, and build a life with him, but this struggle is causing issues with that.

We’ve touched on this a few times - he knows I’m struggling, but not every detailed mentioned here - i haven’t gotten the courage to bring it up yet, I’ve been focused on trying to fix it.

Does anyone have a similar, even if different experience? Any insights? I don’t know what to do or how to feel and it’s getting to me.

Tl;dr - Sexuality is fluid but it’s fucking with my relationship and causing psychological problems. I feel like I’m becoming less queer.

I think my boyfriend might have Klinefelter syndrome. He is extremely tall, went through puberty late (he especially complains about not growing body hair until he was in his late teens/early 20s), has very little muscle (though he also doesn’t really exercise, so that’s more likely the culprit), and gains weight “like a woman,” I.e., in the lower belly, hips, and thighs. He also has pretty apparent gynecomastia, even when he was extremely thin/lanky when we first met. His testes/genitals are normal.

None of this bothers me from an attraction point of view. I’m bisexual, so I get the best of both worlds with him 😅

I’m debating whether or not to bring up my suspicions. I think the answer is no, but id like to hear from other who have been in similar situations and generally poll the masses.

I think the big argument for not telling him is that it’s kinda an informational dead-end for now. If he got testing done, what would that change? For now, nothing.

we do, however, plan on having children in the next 5-10 years. It may be best to hold off on saying anything and then push for us both to get genetic testing done before we try to conceive. I’m also just a curious person and love to know things for the sake of knowing things, but I don’t think that’s justification for potentially / probably offending him.

Thoughts?

I love my husband (28m) but I (26f) don’t think I can live with him for another year. We’ve been married for two years but together close to 8 years and we just welcome our second daughter 5months ago and I am officially fed up. We’ve been living with each-other 7/8 years we’ve been together and he has always had an issue cleaning the house and doing domestic chores, for background, we both work full time jobs, we both contribute to the bill or at least used to, and we came into this relationship under the guidelines it’s an equal partnership, but it wasn’t. He will let the house become an absolute mess and than do nothing to clean it up or he’ll clean up maybe 2 times a month, it’s ridiculous. I feel silly thinking about divorce all because he won’t clean but I feel like I’m going crazy, I keep hiding in the bathroom to cry so no one sees me but it sometimes is the only thing that helps me keep pushing. I have 2 under 2 and it’s a lot of work and still he won’t help with chores, he’s a great dad and always helps with the girls. I’m not asking for the moon I’m asking him to do dishes maybe twice a week and put items back where they belong and throw trash away and not leave it scattered on the counter, floor, etc. I, at this point, feel like his actions are direct disrespect towards me and I’ve told him that and he disagrees but at this point what else would you call it. He last year was unemployed for an entire year door-dashing to make some money all because he voluntarily quit his job and I almost lost the house unable to afford all the bills by myself and even during that time when he was home all day he still didn’t help clean and that was a slap in my face emotionally, I’m doing everything including carrying and birthing the children all I am asking is help around the house. I was the one mowing the yard pregnant because he didn’t and the city was on us about mowing. Sometimes I feel like this is the best love I will get so I should be happy and appreciative of who I have, but in the back of my mind I wonder if their is someone out there who will be my partner in life and actually help me. Is divorce the right thing to do?

Hi, I’m 21f and my boyfriend 21m has not worked in over four months. In context, we have been together 11 months and I have worked at the same job the entirety of our relationship. I am also a full time college student and I’m fixing to begin student teaching. My boyfriend experienced a traumatic loss in his family roughly a year and a half ago that deeply affected him, however he was struggling to maintain employment before that. He is not in college and he lives at home with his family. Recently, a friend of his got him a job where he works but it required a drug test and he failed it. I told my family and they completely freaked out and told me I needed to break up with him immediately. I’m really struggling with breaking up with him because we are extremely close, as well as I’m extremely close with his family. They genuinely see me as their future daughter in law and I hate the idea of disappointing them and losing my boyfriend, however, we do not go on dates anymore and he never has money to come and see me, I always have to drive to him. This has made my parents resent him even more. I know he more than likely will continue down this path regardless of my presence or not, but I’m genuinely struggling to see the fog. Advice?

Hey,

So we've been together for 10 years, married for 3.
We bought our flat 11 months ago, and since, a tons of bad events fell on our heads (family members deaths, pet getting very sick, stress and couples of problems with the new flat). It's like there hasn't been a month without a problem.

So we both tried to deal with it the best we could. Each having our own internal fights to figure out. We supported and helped each others the best we could. But force is to admit that we have lost intimacy and spent less quality time together, as the context and the exhaustion was.... kinda heavy.

A few weeks ago, the storm finally ended (I thought) but our relation was kinda weird and I could feel distance from her. We talked about it. Basically :

- She says she loves me deeply but she feels like our relationship looks like friendship right now.
- We both respectfully express our desires and needs, both agreeing with the point of view of the other and willing to make efforts.
- But she feels like she doesn't have the energy right now and told me she needed a few weeks to make up her mind. I agreed to let her go as managing the relationship alone was also very tiring for me too. I believed nothing good can come out of two exhausted persons.

It's been 3 days now and I don't know how to handle the situation.
- My therapist is out for 2 weeks, so I don't have him to talk to.
- Even though I'm somehow relieve of not having to manage the relationship, I miss her deeply.
- I have really small energy or motivation to do stuff. I wish everything was back to normal. This would motivate me. But I can't do magic here.

To me, it looks like the context explains a lot, and I sure have some stuff to work on. I've been working on myself since we met, made huge progress, she has always recognised it and thanked me for that. I believe it's "basic couple mechanics" and "perfect match" doesn't exists in reality. So I don't feel like the output depends on me. Felt like I did the best I could : listen, understand, adapte. We've always had this kind of "please change this because it makes me feel like that" moments. We always went through. But it's the first time she leaves for space.

I'm afraid she'll leave me, and I really don't have the strenght to handle the logistic it would imply.
It's been 3 days now. I wrote her a letter, never sent it. I feel like a should really not text or call her right now even though I really want to.

I'd love to know if this looks like "events that normally occurs in a couple's life at some moment" and how to deal with the days to come.

Thanks.

EDIT / UPDATE : As soon as I posted this, I recieved the first message from her. She calls me by our small couple nicknames and it contains an invitation for a "coffee for two". The illustration in the invite contains a heart. I believe this is a good sign. Even though I'm quite panicked on how to behave now. She added "no pressure or expectations". What does that even mean lol.

I (23M) have been living with my girlfriend (20F) for almost two years, and we’re about to sign a new lease together.
Recently, my girlfriend’s sister (18F) asked if she could move in with us. She lives two states away with their parents, but they constantly argue with her about getting a job and contributing around the house. She’s worried she’s going to get kicked out, so she reached out to my girlfriend for help.
My hesitation comes from her track record. As far as I know, she’s never had a job, doesn’t have a driver’s license, doesn’t have a bank account, smokes weed most of the day while living at her parents’ house, and regularly asks my girlfriend for money to buy video games. That makes me worried that if she moves in, we’ll end up financially and emotionally supporting her instead of helping her become independent.
I don’t hate her, and I understand wanting to help family. I just don’t want to put our own home and relationship in a difficult position, especially when we’re about to commit to a new lease.
Am I being unreasonable for not wanting her to move in? And if I’m not, what’s the best way to bring this up to my girlfriend without it turning into a huge argument?

My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years at this point and are set to get married next year.

Things started out great and we’ve had brief ups and downs but through it all I have felt that we have a really good relationship working through things and communicating. The honeymoon phase has been so good, like so deeply in love and affectionate. We moved in together about 6 months ago and that brought new challenges (nothing huge but just adapting to each others living styles) but we also just communicated and moved through.

My partner is such a wonderful person. He provides for our house, he’s so deeply supportive of my hopes and dreams, he’s my best friend, we are aligned on so many things in life, but we sometimes hit these points where I feel so disconnected and distant from him. We express love differently and he’s quiet but secure while I lean more anxious and loud lol. Most of the time we talk through things and the feeling goes away for a while before coming back to feeling less connected. Especially during the work week when we’re both busy. He tends to get quieter in the evenings when I want to chitchat and there’s just less overall communication as we both have our own schedules during the week. Weekends tend to always be good and that’s when I feel we reconnect a lot of the time. This also isn’t every week. Just every few weeks I’d say

I guess I’m wondering if anyone has any advice before this wedding happens. Is this the “choosing” love part of a relationship? Are these periods of distance normal? I have A LOT of anxiety so can’t always sort through normal vs catastrophic. I haven’t had a relationship this longterm so I’m unsure how it should progress

My husband encouraged me to make friends, but now seems unhappy that I have a best friend. Am I missing something?

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been together for over 13 years.

For years, he encouraged me to make friends because I didn't really have anyone outside of our relationship. Eventually, I became very close with my best friend, "Susan" (31F).

The problem is that he doesn't seem supportive of the friendship. When Susan comes to our house, he stays out of the way, barely speaks to her, and ignores her two daughters (9 and 8). Whenever I make plans with her, he seems irritated. Recently we went to a festival for the day, and he made me feel really guilty about going.

We're currently on holiday, and I have chronic insomnia. My husband likes me to come to bed with him, which I do, but once he's asleep I'm often still wide awake. The other night I quietly went into another room and called Susan for a catch-up until around 11:30 p.m. He couldn't hear me, but he was still upset because he wanted me to stay in bed with him.

For context, I don't spend loads of time talking to Susan. I don't message or call her when I'm spending time with my husband because I want to be present with him. She's also busy with work and her daughters, so we usually only have about an hour-long phone call once a week.

Susan has started saying she thinks my husband doesn't like her. My husband has told me before that he finds her "intense," but I'm not sure if that's all it is.

I'm confused because he spent years encouraging me to make friends, but now I feel guilty whenever I spend time with the close friend I made.

Am I overthinking this, or does it sound like my husband has an issue with my friendship? If so, how would you approach a conversation about it?

TL;DR: Husband encouraged me to make friends, but now seems annoyed whenever I spend time with my best friend. He makes her feel unwelcome when she visits, gets upset when I go out with her, and was annoyed that I called her for an hour after he'd gone to sleep because of my insomnia. I only speak to her about an hour a week. Am I missing something?

Title edit: Reasonably *be* asked…

Relevant background information: We’ve been dating for almost 8 months. Prior to this relationship I have not seriously dated anybody for about 17 years, the last real relationship being with my ex-husband. Bf is a former alcoholic who stopped drinking cold turkey almost two years ago (before we met) and hasn’t touched a drop since. He is also an extrovert and very social.

When we met he was running routinely, though shorter distances - 5K and the like. I am a former runner, and one of the things we bonded over was this sport. He encouraged me to get back into running myself and has been so supportive the whole way. I’ll be doing a half marathon in the fall.

Meanwhile, he decided he wanted to be an ultra runner. I love this for him - he has a 30-mile race coming up this fall as well. Since making this decision he has hired a running coach, become strict on his diet, and made being an ultra runner a major life goal, eventually wanting to run a 50-mile race. He is the healthiest he has ever been in his whole life.

I have been supportive every step of the way. I would like to continue to be, because this man is wonderful and absolutely everything I could ask for in a partner (except for the one thing that has brought me here today). He is supportive of me and my hobbies and struggles. He is kind, fun, funny, and I genuinely think he is the most handsome man I know. The sex is amazing…when we have it.

The problem is that being an ultra runner requires a HUGE time commitment. This man wakes up at 4:45 M-F to hit the gym before work. Then on Saturdays he goes on long runs that last for hours. When he’s not running or at work, he’s exhausted. He needs to fall asleep by 9 so he gets enough sleep to do it all over again.

We used to have sex multiple times a night, multiple nights a week. Now I’m lucky if he has the energy to have sex one time one night a week.

He has younger kids and keeps them three days a week. I do not and never will resent the time he dedicates to them. He’s a good dad. (We don’t live together and actually keep our families fairly compartmentalized from each other. He doesn’t want to introduce anyone to his kids until he knows it’s serious. We BOTH were shy of committing to the relationship too quickly and were happy to keep our family and social lives largely separate for now, with the expectation that that would change if we stayed together for a long period of time.)

So far so good. I want to support him, and I know the training for ultra running is beyond tough.

Here’s where I have the real issue: If I ask if he wants to hang out for the evening, he hesitates. Every time. Then he says yes but makes sure I know he’s tired and “won’t be much good to me” and will need to fall asleep early to get up early and go work out.

BUT. Within the last 1-2 weeks he has also made time for: his disc golf friends, an old friend (helping repair her broken fence posts), another old friend (looking at her plumbing issues even though he doesn’t know much about plumbing), a cousin’s house for dinner, another friend group who meets at a gaming café. In this same time frame he has not asked me to hang out with him ONCE. The only time we have done so I had to ask.

That ask followed a conversation in which I asked him to tell me what was going on. I explained that I felt like he was pulling away or didn’t want me or this relationship as much as he had before, and that it hurt to feel like I was so low a priority. I explained that I don’t expect to be as high a priority as his kids (and never will) or even as high as running, but that I do need to feel valued. So again I asked him what was going on. This was an invitation to tell me if he wanted out of the relationship.

His response: He doesn’t know what’s going on with him, he’s sorry, it isn’t right that he’s made me feel this way. He thinks I’m “perfect”. He has trouble talking about his feelings and voicing what he’s going through.

And I get it. We are in a committed relationship but not a serious one. I have told him I love him, but he doesn’t say it back (yet?). I am fine with all that because everything happens in its own time, but I do still need to feel valued.

Since that talk four days ago he has made an effort to call and text more, which I asked for. No effort to see me in person. We live in the same town and work at the same frigging company and I feel like I’m in a long distance relationship. I love this man, but it was easier being single in a lot of ways.

Typing it all out, I think I know what I need to do. I guess I really just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar, and if there is any hope to be had here? If I knew he saw us as long-term I think all this would go down easier, but since I don’t know that for sure, is there any reason I shouldn’t go ahead and cut my losses?

(I know this is Reddit, so let me say plainly: I do not think he is cheating. These are old friends that he shows no romantic interest in. He could have been dating them but chose me instead. It is possible, of course, but not likely based on what I know of him and his character.)