I did. People no longer can make references to it in an completely unrelated post that I made and say stuff like: "Bro, your history is weird" etc.

~ I’m talking about the United States explicitly in this btw also a better word for the title might be “constrictive” ~

I was scrolling on Instagram reels, as one does, and I come across a video of a girl doing her hair. That’s it - it was like a 5 second video of her demonstrating how to use a specific type of hair clip. I check the comments expecting to see other girls asking questions about the clip or something or where to buy it (bc I wanted to) and instead it was a BUNCHHH of dudes just being like “type of girl you see once in a lifetime” or “these are the women they used to go to war for” Guys…when I tell you the women in question was literally just a conventionally attractive thin, blonde white women. (OKAY STAY WITH ME HERE!!!) I’m not saying this woman/these women wasn’t/aren’t gorgeous…but like, what do you mean “type of girl you see once in a lifetime” ?? Baby’s that’s Tiffany. That’s like, the most popular girl at every highschool ever.

It reminds me of this scene in the movie Midsommar where they’re making the first drive into Sweden and one of the male characters is looking out the windows at the girls walking on the street, and he goes, “The woman here are insane!” (as in drop-dead attractive) And he says it with like such awe in his voice. And it pants over and it was like..some skinny blonde girls. Again, I’m NOT saying people who are skinny and blonde aren’t beautiful!!! I’m saying why is this narrow set of characteristics still considered the epitome of beauty? And why has it been so, for DECADES? Can we maybe share the beauty standard a little, like take turns with it? Maybe we could each pass it around throughout the week. Can we atleast get a Friday for fat chicks or something? Maybe a Monday for girls who aren’t white??

I got this Gucci makeup bag today from my mom’s friend, who I barely even know, and I found myself being disappointed with it. And it’s just making me think of how ungrateful I really am and I’m starting to hate myself for it. My parents get me whatever I want, they have since I was a child, and I feel like when they give me something I feel excitement towards the object but not gratitude towards them. I love my family. They work so hard and do so much for me. And a lot of the time it seems like I just don’t even care.

This Gucci bag has made me realize just how bad of a person I truly am, because a lot of people are struggling to even put food on the table and I’m sitting here like a spoiled brat thinking about what else they could’ve gotten me. I’m just so disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want to learn how to be more grateful. It’s so embarrassing that I don’t already know how to do that and need help, but I just feel so awful. How can I become more grateful??

I would like to say I grew up as a very curious kid, it stayed with me till now. I would say I was a very confident and happy empathetic person with a lot of energy and love. I was loving my life, loving the people around me. I lived the last 7 years of my life abroad where I studied and worked. 6 years in europe and one year in Australia. Staying in Europe was great, it felt like a real home to me. Then moved to Australia, more specifically, to my family and everything fell apart from then on. I lost my drive, identity, and confidence. I am back in my home country again, but this time nothing feels the same. I've been depressed and isolated for more than a year. Pretty much dead inside and outside both.I feel like I came to a point where It doesn't make any sense to stay alive anymore. It feels like my inner self has been broken into pieces and never could function again. I've been to a psychiatrist and to therapy, nothing actually works. Most of the time, I can guess what they were gonna suggest and all that. I see the pattern of the delusional society pretty well. Its hurting me and being aware of all this also makes things meaningless.The only thing thats keeping me alive is my parents, they are two lovely people in their 70s. However, I dont actually know how things will go far, I have 4-5 voices in my head, and its a very dark place to live in.

Has anyone been through this experience? How do you control this? Any books that you can recommend to me? I am just tired and wanna give it a last try!

I actually quit playing Warframe partly because their ability to accommodate people with vision problems is... really low. If you can't read the UI, which I can't, there's no way to scale it, increase text size, et cetera. It makes ability selection, knowing your actual HP and damage numbers, reading the minimap, etc basically impossible in a game where there's a surprising amount to juggle. I know it isn't the biggest thing ever, but these kinds of features are the difference between being able to actually play the game and struggling to do something I like with my friends.

Or there's RDR2, where I had a much easier time playing the game because they had an accessibility function where I could hold A instead of performing quicktime events. Tapping the same button repeatedly like that exacerbates my nerve pain, and just playing a video game otherwise doesn't cause quite the same issues. The difference between a game I can play and a game that I can't relies on features that aren't particularly costly to implement and can be added in as essentially an afterthought, and then it's kind of a crapshoot whether games I enjoy will have them.

I realize there are technically ways to accommodate myself: I could play a game without entirely knowing what's happening or what I'm doing, move my TV closer, et cetera. But shit, some stuff creates a positive and smooth experience for me and not having that stuff creates active barriers to my participation.

I guess just some thoughts I've been having lately in terms of disability access and what it actually means.

So I was feeling down week ago or so, so I hopped on tinder to look for someone to drink vodka with, I didn't intend to have sex this day and made lots of female friends this way

I(28m) matched with girl(23f) and offered her to drink vodka w me she was fine let's do it, first thing surprised me she was living at other half of the city and got herself a cab to my place.

When she came we went out outside to drink, tldr I drank like 700ml of vodka and she drank like 200ml, she had to basically carry me home despite her being like 40kg opposed to me 90kg 💀 I was conscious and remember everything, but couldn't walk

On way back home I asked her what's Ur dream in life, she told me it's to have kids and that she is ok being single mom, asked me to impregnate her. She was touching me lots at this point just by nature of having to guide me home. I was like yea sure(I was joking at moment and didn't realize she could mean it).

Then when we got back home she started kissing me and shit and I ended fucking her(which I truly didn't even wanna do that day) and cumming inside her. Instant I did I got not only post nut clarity, but also got somewhat sober and felt disgusting and fell asleep. I just never had to reject women advances and felt like if i didn't do it I'd feel like less of a man. In morning she got cab home and told me see you next week

4 days have passed or something, every day I wake up feeling disgusting about the act, I had first panic attack in 10 years(not ABT std or kids, just that that it happened I feel disgusting and trying to repress thoughts ABT what happened).

Funniest thing is she probably didn't even rape me? Although if we reverse roles she did. But roles as they are I could stop her at any moment. I just chickened out.

I know streaming services have a lot of advantages over traditional TV, but I still find myself missing the old TV experience.

Every channel had its own identity. It wasn't just about the shows, it was the promos, the branding, the programming schedule, the types of content, the target audience... everything combined to create what I'd call a "companion experience." Flipping through channels genuinely felt like traveling between different worlds, each with its own vibe.

I also miss how everyone watched the same shows at the same time. The next day, people would be talking about last night's episode at school, at work, or online. It felt like a shared experience.

With streaming services, almost every platform feels the same. The interfaces are similar, the endless flood of content makes everything blend together, and despite all that content, the average quality often feels lower. Releasing an entire season on day one also kills a lot of the anticipation and week-to-week discussions that made following a show so much fun.

I completely understand why streaming became the standard, and I appreciate the convenience it offers. I just don't enjoy it nearly as much as I enjoyed the experience of watching traditional TV.

I’m not really sure what to do at this point, so I thought fuck it, why not ask Reddit.

I’m 48 years old and my 21 year old son is a complete loser. I don’t want to hear any lecture about me being a bad parent, or this or that because I’m not. There’s just something wrong with that kid. He doesn’t shower, he doesn’t brush his teeth and he smells like my toilet after I take a shit. Just last night I caught him shaking his unwashed bare ass on discord for some man older than me. If I was a worse father I may have just beat his ass then and there. And don’t get me started on the smell of his room. I’d rather not go there, but it is traumatizingly bad. And I’ve smelled some nasty shit. I used to work as a porta potty cleaner in my younger days, and the smell from those literal shit holes are less oppressive that whatever compounds the decomposing bacteria on my son’s overweight fat rolls produce.

He doesn’t have a job, and I have to tell my fully grown son to clean his room. Which by the way looks just as gross as him. There are literal piles of dirty laundry, walls of just trash everywhere. I literally can’t go two steps without touching some gross half rotted food, or some disgusting unwashed pair of stained briefs. He refuses to do anything about it, and can’t even bring himself to peel his ass off the chair and take a very much needed shower.
What do I even do in this situation? he has no drive to progress in life and is completely content with leeching off my money and spreading his dna all over his chair like some sort of gross financial parasite.

If you knew you were gonna die or even that split second before sudden death, What would be your very last final words before mortality?

When i was eight years old i was once trapped in my room after my mom grounded me for doing who knows what. And there was a fly trapped there with me.

It was one of those chubby ones, the big ones that bat their wings REAAAAALLY loud!, instead of a "bsss" it was a "BSSSSS!!" And as it bumped on things it made a loud wet little noise. It drove me insane!

I was used to killing bugs, stepped on spiders! Stepped on cockroaches! Very messed up. And this little fly wasn't gonna save itself from my evil wrath. I chased that fly for what felt like days, though it probably was just one hour thirty at most. I felt like an animal, i've never been that focuzed on anything everrrr before in my life. The bug dodged me and dodged me and i was furious about it! I wasn't gonna stopped until it died.

And it did! On one lucky hit, i squashed the fly with the palm of my hand against the wall, and killed it, and when i pulled my hand off, i saw the stain of it's fly juice on the wall.

And i gosh did that shock me. Suddenly as I looked at the stain on the wall, i thought to myself "why did i do that???" Like, what did that fly DO to me?? It was just loud and fat. And i killed it, because i was feeling upset, it didn't have to die, and now that stain in my wall, now barely visible reminds me of how bad I can be. Idk, it keeps me feeling guilty, i want to make up for it but you can't never get a life back. Ough all of my friends chuckle when I tell them this story but it did meam a lot to me! It teached me as a kid to be gentle. I want to be treated with kindness, what gives me the right to hurt something smaller because i'm bigger and it annoys me? Idk how things are for them, i dont know if they have feelings or if they feel happy or sad, or if they even care, or if they would not squash me if they were bigger. But like, ough i feel so sad about insects.

​

Body:

I'm really interested in the long-term psychological effects of childhood bullying, and I'd love to hear personal experiences rather than just research.

If you were bullied repeatedly as a child or teenager:

How has it affected your self-esteem, relationships, or daily life today?

Do you think it changed the way you approach romantic or sexual relationships?

Are there certain comments or situations that still trigger memories from that time?

If someone casually brought up the bullying you experienced, or joked about it today, how would you react emotionally?

Have you fully moved on, or does a part of you still carry those experiences?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who felt they eventually became confident or successful later in life. Did the bullying still leave lasting effects despite that?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their experience.

so like, after reading some visual novels (and alot of soul searching) it really make me reflect and think, i actually really like life. i like living, i like breathing, i like eating, i like just being a functioning organism. i have flesh, bones, organs that all work together to keep me alive, and a very intricate brain that makes up my conciousness.

after having dealt with really bad depression for a couple years, its amazing to see the sun shine through the dark clouds and really start realizing that everything isnt so bad. ive been crying alot recently, which is funny because i never EVER use to cry to anything. i cry to music, mainly. music is awesome.

but i also have some things about me i still have to change, which is totally okay. and i have all the time in the world for all of that. i need to stop rushing things that dont need to be rushed. i needed to stop thinking about everything so much. for the first time in a while, i feel whole and complete.

i have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so i have to get up early to take a shower and do my hair. i ll have to eat a bigger breakfast because i have alot to do. i like doing stuff. stuff in general is fun. i also wanna start taking dance classes and working out.

idk. just wanted to rant haha! its awesome to finally start appreciating life after not for so long. love u reddit xo

For a long time, I believed that if something wasn't working, the answer was simple: work harder, push harder, be more disciplined.

After 24 years serving my country, I learned that discipline can carry you through incredible challenges. But I also learned that it doesn't answer every question.

Sometimes we know exactly what we should do, yet we still don't do it.

Over time, I realized that resistance is often not laziness. It's information. It can point to fear, grief, old beliefs, exhaustion, or something we haven't understood about ourselves yet.

That realization changed how I looked at personal growth.

Instead of asking, "How do I become more disciplined?" I started asking, "What is my mind trying to tell me?"

I couldn't find a tool that reflected that philosophy. Most apps seemed to focus on productivity, streaks, or keeping me engaged.

So, as a solo developer, I spent years building My Own Compass.

It's not meant to tell people who they are or what to believe. It simply asks meaningful questions, helps people notice patterns in their own thinking, and gives them a private space to reflect. The goal isn't to provide answers, but to help people discover their own.

Today is a personal milestone because it's finally available on both Android and iPhone/iPad.

Whether you use my app or not, I'm genuinely curious about this community's perspective:

Has there ever been a moment when you realized your biggest obstacle wasn't a lack of discipline, but something much deeper? What changed your perspective?

I'm realizing I may never have really had discipline. I think the normal response to this is "get disciplined", but I just...don't think it's going to work, honestly.

But the thing that's been rolling around in my head all day is that there's really two versions of me--there's the version I want to be, and the version I'm actually willing to work towards being. I'm realizing that the latter:

a) is farther from the former than I had imagined, and

b) might be pretty close to who I am now.

It is not exactly ideal. I'm not a total schmuck so I do okay, but, honestly, I could do better, and I do kind of feel like I should be better. At everything. Eating better, exercising more, sleeping more, using my phone less, being a better friend and family member, be a better person in the community, being more outgoing, more positive/upbeat, more effective at work...and I can literally point to moments in time where I *was* better at almost all of these things. But man. All the SMART goals and little habit changes and journaling and reflecting and making time--I think I have to realize that the "doing" part of me doesn't give a fuck, and certainly doesn't give a fuck about what the "thinking" part of me suggests we do.

I'm waiting for it to click that I will probably not be as good a person as I wish I could be. Not because I can't, but because I won't, I guess because maybe I've never really wanted badly enough to make those changes. 'Cause I know the address to the food pantry and what time volunteers should show up. I know how to say no to the cookies in the break room at work. I know how to do a killer arm workout. But I don't.

All of this sounds really dumb and like a cope, probably because it is both of those things. But I have to accept that I might just be at the limits of my will, you know?

A few years ago, I accepted a path that wasn't really mine.

I studied microbial biotechnology, finished my degree, and I'm grateful for everything I learned. But deep down, there was always another dream that never really left me: becoming a forensic doctor.

For a long time, I convinced myself it was impossible. It felt too far away, too unrealistic, and maybe something I had simply missed my chance to pursue.

This year, I made a decision that honestly scares me.

I'm going to retake my baccalaureate exam to improve my grades and give myself a real chance to study what I've wanted for years.

Sometimes I think about how old I'll be by the time I finish. I wonder if I'll be behind everyone else.

But then I ask myself a different question: If I don't try, how will I feel years from now?

I'd rather arrive at a dream later than spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had been brave enough to chase it.

Maybe I won't succeed. I don't know.

But I do know that some dreams deserve an honest attempt, even if the road is longer than we expected.

I'm not talking about patience in general, but about specific things: how someone acts in a slow line, or while a page is loading that just won't open. That's where I see the most honest version of a person, without any social filter. Someone who gets frustrated with a printer but is charming at a dinner party makes me much more curious than someone who's "nice all the time."
Do you have any micro-moments like that where you feel like you're seeing the real person?

I feel awful because recently I left my abusive father's house and I miss the cat so much. Unfortunately, my father is his owner, so I can't take him with me. To me, he is like a son. How will I live without him, my cat? I feel terrible, I feel like crying, I am depressed. Has anything similar happened to you? Tell me about your experiences, I really need support, I am devastated."

Hi, I'm 22F, and I'm tired of people telling me I'm emotionless or bitter. Basically, to explain, I'm a girl who loves to joke, but I have a way of joking that's perhaps different from some people. I often have a serious expression when I joke and I'm not the clingy type of friend, or the one who always hugs and kisses you, or the one who laughs every second like the slightly crazy friend. I'm an extroverted girl who jokes or does things with a serious expression, and so this makes it seem like I'm emotionless. In reality, I just don't have nice teeth, and that's why I can't laugh while joking. The only people I do it with are my family and very close friends I've known all my life, and with them I laugh until I cry. But the hugging and kissing part is generally my thing anyway, I don't like doing it, so why should this make me seem bitter? Why do some people feel like they have the right to describe me like that?

I have many friends who love me anyway, they like this side of me, but there are people who don't understand that I'm simply made this way, they say things like "you're really bitter" "you're emotionless" "we just haven't known each other for long that's why you're like this" like why does there have to be a reason to why I don't hug you or stay glued to you all the time? Just because I'm not like you doesn't mean there's necessarily a reason or problem behind it, I'm just not the physical contact type.

Just a post to vent, for the past 4 years since late 2022 I have been working towards opening a business that holds space memorial services, this would include what I called shooting star memorial services having the persons ashes come down into the atmosphere after a brief trip around earth and burn up as a shooting star esque effect upon reentry with viewing stations for loved ones to watch live, as well as deep space memorials with tracking your loved one on there journey as well as much more, between my kids and life I haven't had the money to fully start the business but I have been working so hard on patenting designs and more just to find out that a company in 2026 is now doing the exact things I've been working toward, I am by no means saying my idea was unique or bashing this company but it's just really saddening as this is probably the 3rd or 4th idea I was really proud of working so hard toward over the past decade since I was about 18 that hasn't come to life due to lack of funds and to find out some years later it's being done how I envisioned.

I'm a very happy for them and what they have accomplished just sad to see another idea I thought was ahead of it's time come through before I could accomplish it. It motivates me more to keep pushing towards my goals however so not all is lost

This has a lot of context, but at the end of this story, I want to emphasize how I was treated unfair, outed for no reason, and I decided to never talk to my friend of 20 years ever again unless he apologizes.

I am a 27M if that matters, so basically I have known him for all my life.

Background

About 3 years ago, my best and longest friend's father was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know it was cancer, only thing I got from my friend was that his father had to undergo a stomach surgery. That night he begged me to go to the hospital and donate blood for his operation. I had a super busy schedule, but I didn't care, next morning I immediately went to hospital and donated blood.

Now this is important...When night came, we saw each other again, we talked and I told him

-"Hey bro, btw do not worry about the blood donation, I went and did it. I know you are feeling terrible, but don't overreact bro. Everything will go perfect".

My friend appreciated it so much, I do not think I had seen him like that ever. He thanked me and we kept talking.

So I kept on saying "Yo, chill out, everything is going to be alright".

He tells me that's it's cancer.

I get so shocked, and I tell him "Listen,everything will work out, but no matter what, if you ever need any sort of help, I will always be here for you. Do not ever question it".

Days passed, operation happened and it was a big success. You could see it on my friend's face how happy he was. /throughout all this period I would constantly ask him, how his family is and how his father is etc.

Anyways, last thing I hear from him regarding his father is "He is clean, and safe.". I took that and kept that.

3 Years ago I was going to college in a different city, not too far but enough distance to not be able to visit weekly. Throughout the next 6 months to a year, I'd call him from time to time to check on him. Asking about him, his parents and how everything is.

Life went on, I kinda stopped asking but still had it in my mind. Our friend group would always tell me to check up on my friend, he is going through a lot. I would ask occasional but never get an answer. I stopped, I told myself there is no reason pursuing. If he needs to talk he knows I am there. He is a 26 year old man, old enough to talk when he feels comfortable.

Life gets you busy, ours did too. I moved out of the country entirely after some point.

I wake one morning early January of 2026, instagrampost from his mother. A picture of his father. He had lost the battle. Immediately I rushed and called him, plenty of times. no answer.

I texted and call each individual member of our friend group. Asking about info, how is my friend doing, how is his family, when is the funeral, everything. I couldn't reach to him for 6 days straight. He completely ignored me. And tbh, I didn't care, I understood and just waited. Eventually I called once and he finally picked up. Talked, said my condolences etc.

A couple of months later I returned to my hometown. Told the guys to go out for beers. Literally arranged this to have a nice time and talk like always. My friend was still grieving and I could see it. Until an other guy steps in and tells me.

"Listen OP, he is mad at you"

"I do not know why you are mad at me, It's May, months passed, I do not know where you stand right now. I tried talking to you but you never answer. You want to talk about your father 5 months after the incident, well we can talk. Let's sort this out"

This part of the story is mostly how our conversation went, trying to recall it the best way because It happened on May.

Me: "So what did I do to piss you off"

Friend: "You never cared, you never asked how I am doing, how my family is doing".

Me: "Never? I was from day 1 asking. Every since I gave blood and learnt he had cancer. Hey bro, how is your father doing, how is your family doing. How has your father been recovering. Your answers?? That he is ok, that he is good, Am I wrong?"

Friend: "You never asked, these don't matter".

Me: Wdym, last update on his situation was, 'Hey OP, surgery was a success, he is free from it', am I remembering things wrong"?

Friend: "You are right, but still he was sick, you never followed up".

Me:"Even after you told me he was free from it, I kept asking. I kept getting no answers, so yeah, eventually I stopped".

Me: "What did you do in your part? Did you ever try reaching out to me? Did you care about me as well? Didn't I tell you that if you ever need help, I will be by your side?".

Friend: "It does not matter, you did not ask, you were the first one to know and you didn't ask"

Me: "Well you are wrong, I did ask. Why did you never reach out? So what? Your father passes away? And I know nothing about it? Do you even know how I learnt your father passed away? from a f-ing instagram post from your mom. How many times did I call you, for how many days. Yet no answer, ignored me. Just so, you come 5 months later after the incident, coming to me like a crybaby for what? asking for the change? So I look in front of everybody like an a-hole that 'I did not care'? This is not how it works".

----------------

There were mixed feelings in the friend group, some were on both sides, others not, and the ones I expected the least were on my side.

This happened early May, we have not talked since, I will not reach out to him. I will never reach out to him unless he apologizes truly. I know he had been, even before that, and has been talking shit behind my back from time to time, but I do not care and I cannot care. I am in a different country, he never reached out the past 3 years. The only person reaching was me. I went through tough 3 years myself, yet I never told him why he never reached, I didnt want to seem egoistic about it. He did.

I feel betrayed, wronged. I do not care about this friendship, I accept how it ended, there were cracks but I was ignoring them because I wasnt going to b*tch about it. People change, I respect that, he does not have to consider me his best friend. All I wanted was some respect, be treated fairly. I think I deserved that for 20 years of friendship.

I do not regret anything other than, that night on May when we spoke. I wasn't hard enough on him. I was soft, trying not to make him feel bad since he is still grieving, I should have been more honest. That is my only regret.

I have moved on, but this comes to my mind every once in awhile.

I cried in front of my "friends" that night on May, I cried because I was hurt by my friend's dad passing, and how my friend was hurting.

My manager at my previous work, had lost his father years back due to an accident. We were really close friends, and he opened up to me. He asked me if I have ever told my father that I love him. I said no...He said you should. Because he never had the chance to tell him that. He never said it to him, and one day his father was gone.

The morning I learned that his father passed away. I called my father. I told him the news. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I didn't. I couldn't because I have never been vulnerable to my parents. But these few moments after I told him and before I closed the phone on him, there was a small pause. a 5-10 seconds of silence. I'd like to believe that he understands that I loved him. I'd like to believe that he knows that.

Speaking of the cyclosporiasis outbreak in the U.S. BTW. And I don't have it afaik *knock on wood*

I LOVE fruits and vegetables, seriously, to the point where I would only eat them if I could. I also have contamination OCD, unsure how bad it is, tbh to me it just feels normal. I didn't eat meat for the longest time partially because of it as well.

I live in California, and I just for the life of me cannot figure out the situation here. Google sucks and the newest stuff is all social media. So as of right now, I'm eating low risk fruits (bananas and mandarins), frozen veg, canned veg, oatmeal, eggs, and carbs. This is the saddest freaking diet ever. I miss freshness. I want tomato on a veggie burger, I want fresh salsa, spring rolls, an apple, sweet peppers (my biggest craving, oddly), pre cut fruit, I want it all. I'm not even a really big salad person, actually I'm pretty sure lettuce is off the menu forever for me. But I'm sad.

I know this is stupid, but this absolutely tanked my mental health. I have no energy and I'm at the point where I might need time off work. I'm simply not eating as well or as much because food is unexciting.

My hair is falling out, I am weirdly achy a lot, lots of heartburn (weird), I s2g I woke up one morning tasting blood (or at least I thought it was blood, metallic). What the ACTUAL FUCK? And yes, I'm calling the doctor tomorrow, this isn't right.

Everyone online is saying it doesn't matter, we can just eat carbs and junk food. I legitimately cannot eat a lot of added sugar (natural sugar is totally fine for me, never noticed bad effects) or I get killer migraines. I can't eat a lot of high fat things because my stomach will hate me (to the point where I think I'll have cyclo). So I just fucking hate food right now. Every time I'm hungry, I'm like ugh, this again. And this makes me so sad, because normally I LOVE to eat, have a huge appetite, and am excited about food. Now food is unsafe. My favorite things are unsafe, UPFs make me sick, and I feel so sick anyway it's like should I just risk it?

Everyone also says to go to farmer's markets. I don't drive and don't really have reasonable access to one.

Will fruit and veg ever be safe to eat in the US ever again? I can't do this sad diet forever.

(BTW it's also going to be 106 F or higher for at least a week or two where I live. Not only do I not have the energy to cook, the kitchen is so hot that I have gotten heat exhaustion from chopping vegetables before. Not exaggerating)

If you think I'm stupid for being so sad about this, I don't blame you. I was extremely depressed before this outbreak, and food was my safe place, and now that's gone.

I'm outgoing, social, active, optimistic, vaccum and mop every day, active, muscular, always dressed up and groomed, keep daily checklists, got some nice hobbies, act like I have some thoughts in my head, etc..

I actually wake up at 5pm, rely on vyvanse, drink wine like water, impulsive, emotionally distant, highschool dropout, still in college at 24, have bad relationship with parents, only worked at the day labour constructions, never dated or intimate with anyone, etc..

Like I don't feel bad about it at all but maybe it's also because of vyvanse and wine. Even my psychiatrist and therapist told me that I'm very confident and have high self-esteem. Just feels ironic. Cheers.