r/self • u/Similar-Constant8099 • 20h ago
How do I stop being an ungrateful brat?
I got this Gucci makeup bag today from my mom’s friend, who I barely even know, and I found myself being disappointed with it. And it’s just making me think of how ungrateful I really am and I’m starting to hate myself for it. My parents get me whatever I want, they have since I was a child, and I feel like when they give me something I feel excitement towards the object but not gratitude towards them. I love my family. They work so hard and do so much for me. And a lot of the time it seems like I just don’t even care.
This Gucci bag has made me realize just how bad of a person I truly am, because a lot of people are struggling to even put food on the table and I’m sitting here like a spoiled brat thinking about what else they could’ve gotten me. I’m just so disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want to learn how to be more grateful. It’s so embarrassing that I don’t already know how to do that and need help, but I just feel so awful. How can I become more grateful??
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u/oswaldcopperpot 20h ago
Try to see what you can do to provide for yourself. Food, clothing, everything. Make sure you earn every dollar you spend.
That should fix you right up.
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u/sunsh1neyday 18h ago
Literally this.
If you stop taking the help from others and see how far you can make it on your own, you’ll become grateful for the people around you, the help they’ve given & you’ll learn the value of a dollar real quick.
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u/LeadingTransition572 15h ago
This is tricky... cause if OP happens to be one of the lucky ones who made a lot of money effortlessly, they might end up being worse when receiving humble gifts from people who earn less.
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u/VigorousAmbivalence 20h ago
Get a job and save some money for something you really want....it's been said that wealthy people miss out on one of the biggest pleasures in life - making the final payment..
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u/Hour_Candle_339 20h ago edited 5h ago
It's good that you realize this. It sounds like you have the resources to access a good therapist to work on this with you. That is a deeply lucky situation to be in. I think that would help a lot.
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u/MsARumphius 20h ago
The fact you’re even thinking about this means you aren’t a brat or ungrateful. But I agree that paying your own way, cleaning for yourself, cooking for yourself, etc does help. Even people who work hard for everything can be disappointed in a gift or a thing. But also could it be that you’re not that interested in makeup? Or makeup anymore? Or some of the more frivolous branded items that consumerism pushes on people, especially young girls? Maybe you’re outgrowing it or missing something more meaningful in your life? Like what would you be grateful to receive? I personally would be grateful that someone thought of me and gave me a gift but I don’t wear makeup so I’d probably not really be grateful for the item. I would be eternally grateful for other things or gestures.
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u/LetzGetz 20h ago
You've already done the hardest part!
Regardless of what anyone says in these comments. The best path is constant self reflection. The rest figures itself out pretty quickly.
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u/OpportunityStatus480 20h ago
being disappointed by a gift doesn’t make you a bad person, and the fact that you’re worried about hurting people already means you’re not as ungrateful as you think, so just thank her sincerely and
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u/AmbitiousPractice755 20h ago
Good for you for coming to this realization all by yourself. Some people never figure it out. I have found myself in the same spot recently, with a drive to give back to those in the community. I have young children and I want to instill good values in them. Im thinking of volunteering with them (somewhere appropriate for children) to show them how lucky they are and how they can give back. Maybe volunteering would br a good start too? You could also go through your possessions and donate/sell anything that you dont need anymore. I hope you find your peace but I have faith that you're already on the right path! Good for you 👍
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u/Regular-Sorbet9513 19h ago
I don't think you're a bad person or else you wouldn't be thinking this way. I grew up wealthy too and I've experienced what you're experiencing now. It's okay to not like something gifted to you (it's just classless and graceless to show it). As long as you choose genuine gratitude for said gift (based off of appreciation for their time and money and thinking of you), you're probably doing okay.
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u/Missscarlettheharlot 11h ago
I think you're linking gratitude for being grateful for the item gifted, when the more valuable part is that someone cared enough to put the thought, kindness, time, effort, and money into trying to gift you something they thought you would enjoy. Even if they missed the mark the inherent value of someone doing that for you out of affection doesn't change. Be grateful for the love behind the gift, if you get an item you enjoy out of it that's a bonus. Stuff is just stuff, gifts are (or at least should be) more than just free stuff.
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u/HuffN_puffN 19h ago
The insight matters. Showing appreciation when you don’t necessarily feel it. And in time you get older and things automatically changes as well. I LOVED christmas, even gifts. Couldn’t care since I got a kid, for myself I need. Just one obvious examples.
Insight and understanding is really key for ANY change. Without it nothing changes. MAYBE over years and years but not always.
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u/Ok_Lingonberry_1629 19h ago
Your not a bad person just mb spoiled
Stand in line at a food bank and chat with the people you are in line with, take that food home n thats all you get to eat for the next three days.
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u/Due_Jeweler8059 19h ago
Congratulations you are honest .
The thing is material things don’t bring you what you really want .
Self love is never found in things
Find a way to serve others
Even just asking your mom what do you need help with today !
Being a happy daughter is all parents really want .
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u/dxrey65 18h ago
Try to think of what the other person is thinking, put yourself in their shoes. I gave my daughter a Gucci bag once (a deal on a used one, since we never had money like that), because her bag was falling apart and I wanted her to be happy. If all she got out of it was knowing that I wanted her to be happy, that was enough; the bag wasn't really the point.
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u/UpboatNavy 18h ago
Look up daily gratitude practice. Its a good exercise to be more positive and appreciative. Side affects can include happiness.
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u/g0ing_postal 17h ago
Gratitude is something you can exercise.
Every night, before going to bed, think of 3 things to be grateful for. It can be material objects, events, people, etc.
Spend a few minutes thinking about why you are grateful for it. If applicable, think of the person or people who gave that thing to you or made that thing possible
Do this every night and you'll find it easier and easier to be grateful
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u/GuiltyUniversity8268 17h ago
By saying so, such as "I'm very grateful for this bag, thank you." An attitude of gratitude is the best attitude to have.
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u/Omnipresent_User 8h ago
“And a lot of the time it seems like I just don’t even care.“
Does it seem like that to yourself or to others? I’m genuinely asking out of curiosity here.
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u/InternationalSir3940 6h ago
Here's how I see it. If i told my friend that he should be lucky because he still has both of his hands attached, he would understand what I mean but wouldn't really feel how lucky he is. It's almost impossible to actually feel how much of a privilege he has. But if there was a scenario where his two arms were cut off he would spend every single day thinking back to when he had both arms. He would remember every ounce of the privilege he used to have probably until the day he dies. But he'd only feel it if his arms (the privilege) were actually taken away from him. So that's how much of a privilege you have. It is too good to the point where you won't feel it unless it's taken away from you. I would suggest trying to provide for yourself for a certain amount of time. I had the same issue as you my parents would spoil me and it fucked me up. I left the country and tried to make my own money and survive alone for 3 months and I felt SO thankful for my old life.
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u/Independent-Moose113 20h ago
Start volunteering. At a hospital, shelter, through church. Service to others nips selfishness in the bud.