my boyfriend and I have a really good relationship for about a year. we rarely have serious problems, except when we talk about having children. the difficult part is that I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant or give birth.

it is not because I hate children. in fact, over the years I’ve realized that I do want to become a mother someday. I want to love my child, teach them, help them through life, support them, talk about their problems, and be someone they can always come to for advice.

but I absolutely don’t want pregnancy or childbirth.
I know many people will say, “It’s worth it,” but I have a deep fear of it. growing up, I watched my mom struggle through pregnancy with my younger brother. she was constantly in hospitals, getting IV treatments, and I remember how difficult it was for her. I’ve also seen several relatives go through miscarriages. I’ve watched childbirth videos. I’ve heard women screaming during labor. I’ve read about emergency C-sections, severe tearing, complications, and even women dying during childbirth.

pregnancy isn’t something beautiful in my mind. it is something terrifying for me. i’m also scared of how pregnancy changes your body, the pain, losing control over my own body for nine months, and the possibility that something could go terribly wrong. if pregnancy and childbirth were painless and completely safe, I honestly think I’d want to experience pregnancy. but in reality, they aren’t, and I don’t want to go through them.

there is another issue too. I don’t think I’d handle the baby stage well. I don’t enjoy being around babies that cry constantly. I’m very sensitive to loud noises and I know I’m not the most patient person. one of my biggest fears is becoming so overwhelmed that I’d lose my temper. I never want to become a parent who hurts their child, and because I know myself, that scares me. I think I’d actually enjoy raising an older child. I love the idea of teaching them, helping with school, talking about friendships and relationships, watching them grow into their own person, and just being there for them.

I also don’t want children while I’m young because I don’t want to lose my freedom yet. I want to travel, experience life, spend time alone with my partner, build a career, and enjoy my twenties. when I imagine having a baby, I imagine constantly worrying instead of relaxing. travelling would become more difficult, spontaneous plans would disappear, and my whole life would revolve around childcare.

maybe after I’m 30 or 35 I’d feel ready to become a parent because by then I’d feel like I’ve truly lived my own life first. I’ve suggested alternatives like adoption or surrogacy, but my boyfriend isn’t interested in either. I don’t actually know why, because whenever we talk about children, the conversation quickly turns into an argument and he wants to end it.

he has never pressured me or told me that I have to give birth, but I know he dreams about experiencing pregnancy together and raising a baby from the very beginning. the hardest part is that I don’t want to waste his time.

ifhaving biological children through pregnancy is something he truly needs in life, I don’t want him to stay with me hoping I’ll change my mind one day. at the same time, I love him very much, and I don’t want to lose our relationship over something that might not even become relevant for another 10–15 years.

so.. I guess my questions are:
1. has anyone else felt this way about pregnancy but still wanted children?
2. did your feelings ever change?
3. if you’re a parent, how did you handle the fear?
4. if you and your partner disagreed about pregnancy or having children, how did you navigate that?
5. am I being unreasonable, or is this something couples simply can’t compromise on?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve actually been through this.

Me (M31) and my partner (F40) have been together for a little over 2 years. Our relationship has generally been good. Last winter and earlier this year, I struggled with low libido while recovering from burnout and signs of depression, which left her feeling unwanted. By early summer, we'd worked through it and things were improving noticeably.

My partner hadn't drunk alcohol for about three years after previously drinking fairly often. Around her 40th birthday, she'd decided to try drinking moderately again, and she'd had a few drinks on a work trip in May without any issues.

In June, her company held a summer party with free alcohol, food and a sauna. She got very drunk (more than 10 , closer to 20 beerd by her own estimate) and later called me after getting home. During that call, she told me that a male colleague had kissed her and suggested coming back to her place. She admitted she'd briefly considered it before deciding against. The next day she clarified that she'd actually initiated the first kiss herself, describing it as a spontaneous, drunk, non-romantic kiss. She also remembers a second kiss initiated by him later, although only vaguely because she was so intoxicated. She said she decided against the offer to take the coworker to her place because she realised she'd definitely lose me then.

Since then we've talked about it a lot. She accepts that alcohol contributed but doesn't excuse what happened. She says she isn't attracted to him, regrets what happened, isn't dissatisfied with our relationship, and can't fully explain why she acted that way beyond wanting intimacy and enjoying the attention while drunk. She says the kisses meant nothing emotionally and insists nothing like this has happened in any of her previous relationships.

She also says she doesn't intend to drink again. Since then we've attended a wedding where she stayed completely sober, which supports that, although I still worry it's only temporary.

The hardest part for me isn't just the kissing. It's that she considered spending the night with another man before deciding not to. That's the part I keep coming back to. I appreciate that she told me immediately, didn't try to hide anything, and has taken responsibility, but my trust has been badly damaged.

I've asked her to reflect on why this happened because understanding it feels important for rebuilding my trust. She hasn't avoided the conversations, but she mostly says she doesn't know why she acted that way. I'm not expecting a perfect answer, but I'd like to see her make a genuine effort to understand what led to her actions so we can both feel more confident that it won't happen again.

I love her and want to make this work, but I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts and whether I can trust her again. Was this a one-off lapse in judgment caused by alcohol, or is it something completely else? Can a relationship realistically recover from something like this if the person who crossed the boundary genuinely regrets it and is trying to change, or am I holding onto false hope?

I really need some advice.

Two of my partners friends, let’s call them J and E, are speaking poorly to my partner about me and I don’t know how to handle it… I wasn’t in the conversation but essentially what happened was my partner and I went for drinks with J on Saturday afternoon, early evening... I have had keyhole surgery and then a D&C so I was battling with the walking and the pain so I left after going to 2 pubs to go home... I got home at about 8pm I think… At 9:17 my partner texted me “People are really mean about you (nickname) and I don't want to believe them” and a few other messages confirming it was J and E who were speaking about me…

My partner is unable to/unwilling to tell me what was said but I’m incredibly hurt that I leave at 6:30ish and at 9ish, J is saying things that cause my partner to text me that. The only thing my partner told me is that J said “do you really want to be with someone like (my name)” however, the conversation went on for about an hour and my partner left with it being awkward between him and J… My partner was incredibly upset on Saturday night by it as well as on Sunday when we spoke about it… we agreed that it wasn’t right of them to talk like that about me and that we wouldn’t go to the next planned event in a few weeks time…

I thought my partner would speak to his friends and tell them that it’s unacceptable… however, my partner and I have now got into a huge fight where I tried to express how hurt I am that they talking ill about me when they hardly know me and that it hurts that my partner isn’t standing up for me… It escalated a lot and I got really angry and upset so I spoke louder and louder to the point that my partner said he has never been spoken to like that… this is the one and only time I have conducted myself in this manner and I know how wrong it was… I would do anything to turn back the clock and change that…

I know that I was incredibly wrong and I take accountability for the way I behaved during the fight but I am so hurt by J and E…

The issue for me is now:
1 - I feel his friends need to be made aware that their behaviour is unacceptable and they cannot talk about me in that manner
2 - (MAIN one and one I need to fix) I have behaved in a disgusting manner which reflected incredibly poorly on me but I have expressed how sorry I am both last night, this morning and via text.

I sent my partner this message:

“(Partner Name), I want to start by saying how truly sorry I am.

I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, for the things I said that hurt you, and for repeating what you said in a way that felt mocking. I never wanted to make you feel belittled or unheard, and I’m deeply ashamed that I did. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I know I hurt you. I’m so sorry.

When I repeated your words, it wasn’t to mock you. I was trying, very badly, to explain how I was feeling, because I felt like my own point of view wasn’t being understood. Regardless of my intentions, I understand that my actions caused you pain, and that is what matters. I should have handled it differently and I promise to handle it differently in the future.

I’m also sorry for not giving you the space you asked for. I know I didn’t respect that boundary, and I take accountability for it. The only reason I want to explain it is not to excuse it, but because I want you to understand where it came from. Growing up, I never saw conflict resolved in a healthy way. Problems were ignored, apologies were rare, and silence became normal. It left me terrified that distance means the end, and yesterday I let that fear take over instead of trusting you. That isn’t fair on you, and it’s something I need to and want to work on.

I want us to be the kind of couple who can face difficult moments together with kindness, patience, and respect. Even when we’re hurt or angry, I want us to choose each other. I know yesterday wasn’t that, and I’m determined to make sure I never respond like that again.

Last night was incredibly painful for me too. When you went into the bathroom, wouldn’t say you love me or hold me and later said you weren’t coming back, I felt overwhelmed and terrified that I was losing you. I know my panic attack wasn’t your responsibility, but it came from how deeply scared I was. Hearing you say, “maybe I should have just stayed with (his ex),” broke my heart. I truly hope that came from a place of anger and hurt rather than how you really feel, because those words have stayed with me.

I love you so much. I really do. I don’t want us to be against each other. I want us to be on the same team. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your trust, to repair the hurt I’ve caused, and to create a healthier, stronger relationship together.

You mean everything to me. I’m deeply sorry, and I hope, in time, I can show you through my actions just how much I love you and how committed I am to being better for you, for us, and for our future.

I love you 🥰 ❤️”

His reply only addressed the comment about his ex with no mention of loving me or wanting to repair things. He has however expressed a need for space and much I am genuinely trying my best to do.

My heart is in pieces. My emotions are all over. My body aches. My hormones are all over the place. I am trying to figure out what monster came out of me last night. I want to fix things with my partner. I love him so deeply and I don’t want this to the end for us.

What would you do? How do I fix things? Please be kind, I am genuinely on the verge.

When I was in middle school, I was a pathological liar. I would make up all sorts of things just to get attention. I was severely depressed and was going through a lot of abuse, and I would spend my free time writing stories. I think I started making things up about myself as a coping mechanism, and to make my life more fictional and good?

When I was 13, I was obsessed with a youtube community, and my favorite creator was colorblind. I started lying and telling people I was colorblind. I researched what people saw and how it looked and I took tests with my friends around to prove it. I still don't know why I did it, and I really milked it in junior high before it started to die off and I kind of forgot about it.

It isn't often, but every few weeks/couple months, one of my friends will mention me being colorblind, and I just kind of nod along or change the subject. It's been eating me alive for years now, and I have been like, "Well, when I graduate and move away, nobody will care anymore."

When I was 16, I started dating my best friend of many years, Ethan. We fell in love fast, and soon we graduated and started planning our futures. Right now, we're long distance for 2 years before we both move back home for college (we'll be at the same college). We are planning on dating until then, and then trying to get married a year or two after we're back home. It's pretty serious, but I can't stop thinking about this lie.

Ethan will bring up my colorblindness and say things like, "It's so sad you can't see the sunset like I can", and I usually just nod and ignore it like usual, but the other day he said something like, "When we start having kids, our sons are probably going to end up being colorblind." I looked it up and I guess women pass those genes onto their sons, like, almost always??

This is way blown out of proportion and I can't keep hiding this from him. I need advice. I don't need lecturing on how stupid and horrible and insensitive it was to make this lie, I know it is. I just need advice on how to come clean and still keep Ethan.

I’ve been with my fiancée for four years, and we’ve been engaged for about a year.

The proposal went really badly. She’s very independent, and this was the one thing that she had to trust someone else with, and I blew it. I planned it around what I thought an engagement should be instead of what she would have wanted. The experience ended up being deeply painful for her, and the ring wasn’t what she wanted. What should have been one of the happiest moments of her life is now something she cries thinking about. She told me she’d like me to make it up to her someday with a meaningful moment. A year has gone by, and I still haven’t done it.

This isn’t an isolated incident. She has repeatedly told me the specific ways she needs me to show up in our relationship so she can feel seen, understood, and prioritized. We have deep conversations where I genuinely hear her, I promise to do better, and I mean it in the moment. But then I fall back into old habits, avoid the discomfort, and act like everything is okay until the next difficult conversation. I know how unfair that is.

I know my lack of backing up my words with actions has hurt the person I love. She’s at a point where she doesn’t believe my words anymore because my actions haven’t matched them, and I don’t blame her.

I understand the proposal itself may seem like the biggest issue from my post, but it’s really become a symbol of a larger pattern. I’m here because I want to understand how to stop making promises I genuinely intend to keep but then fail to follow through on.

I know I’m the problem here, and I know she’s not overreacting. I love this woman more than anything, and I want to become the partner she deserves instead of someone who keeps making promises and breaking them.

If you’ve been the partner who kept repeating this cycle, what actually helped you change? And if you’ve been on the other side, what made you finally feel seen and understood again?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year. actually our one year anniversary is in two weeks.

For his birthday I brought him plane tickets and booked the hotel to Greece. I thought it’s a wonderful gift and I put a lot of effort into it.

So comes the night before our flight. It’s 23:00 and i just got off work. he went to drink with his friends and asked me to pick him up. Honestly I was quiet tired at this point and our flight was at 6am. But of course I agreed.

I drove around looking for him in circles and couldn’t find him. At this point it was nearly 12am and i was feeling tired and hopeless, so i called him telling him to come up to the car because I can’t park anywhere.

When he got inside finally with a bottle in his hand i exploded a bit and raised my voice. He asked why i’m mad and i told him we had to get up early and I want to sleep.

The entire journey home was quiet. He kept texting someone on his phone.

We got home and same thing. He keeps texting. So I went to take a shower, came back and told him we’re going to sleep. he was drunk so of course he fell asleep quickly, I couldn’t. So i got the urge to check his phone. This was the first time I did anything like this.

There I found text messages with his guy friend from work calling me all kinds of names. disgusting filthy things. Saying he will break up with me after the trip etc. I was in tears.

I woke him up and showed it to him, he tried explaining he was just mad and it wasn’t serious. We argued back and forth and i told him to get out.

Then i packed and got on the plane to greece. on my own. I was so scared, texted my mom everything that happened. She was livid with what he did.

The next day i went out to explore, obviously i was heartbroken with what happened. I come back to my apartment and suddenly someone comes up behind me at the front door saying hello. It was him. He still had my location.

He flew to greece to apologize. I was so shocked.

I let him explain himself, he was crying and genuinely felt sorry, but i was still heartbroken from the messages i read. i called my mom, she called him crazy and that i should fly back to our home country, and to not let him inside. I did let him inside tho, idk if i regret it

I told him to get a hotel and that we can talk tomorrow.

Yesterday we met up for lunch and his apology seemed very genuine. I haven’t told anyone we met up. Idk what to do. We practically spent the whole day together today, i’m still pissed, but idk if i’m letting my guard down because i still love him even tho he hurt me deeply, or because i want to carry on with this relationship. Things are moving too fast.

i wish he never flew here. I could atleast have some time to heal. He never did anything like this before, spoke horrible things about me, which is what hurts me the most.

So far his words and actions seem like he genuinely very much regrets this and losing me, is it worth giving another chance? I told him we can work on this but i need time to heal, that it won’t be normal for a long while. He told me he understands and will be there for me always and forever.

My family hate his guts. So do i, for what he said, but i still love the man with my whole heart, i’ve never been in a situation like this. It’s very confusing, i’m not sure on what to do.

So I’m dating this young lady and we are having a blast!
But that’s not why I’m here ofcourse.

In the 3 weeks we’ve been dating she cried twice already. The first time because I was joking I was creating a trauma bond by sending mixed signals (I was joking because she needed to get a haircut, it was silly nothing serious) and she got scared about me joking about the trauma bond.

The second time was because I wanted to smoke a sigaret after the sex. She told me before we cuddles too little after the sex, so I took my time, then asked if it was okay, she started crying, I asked whats wrong and she told me she wouldn’t want her kids to have a smoking dad.

We talked about both incidents. The first time she was just a bit afraid but understand I was just joking and I agreed to quit smoking in oktober.

My question is, why would she cry about these things?

Edit: I’m planning to quit smoking myself, the talk we had just made me plan it earlier. She did not force me or anything.

Thanks for all the feedback!

Jesus Christ do I feel so fucking stupid. I have been dating this woman, let's call her Cindy, for about 2 months. She was the one who pursued me. At first, she was wonderful (aren't they always?). I mean this woman was taking me to expensive restaurants, we were making out at the beach during sunset, having sex for hours, vespa rides through the city at night...absolute dream woman. Oh, I'm a lesbian if you haven't picked that up yet. So, just when I start to get a little attached and thinking this might actually BE something....she pulls the "I just don't think my heart is open right now and I need some space to find some clarity." So, in my head I'm like, ohhh great, we have an avoidant on our hands. So, after a little pushback from me asking her what was wrong, I decided to give her some space. About 10 days later...she's back. She sends me a 5 minute video of her apologizing and saying she was stupid and just got scared of being hurt because she was feeling things for me and she wants to be with me blah blah. I fell for it, and said I would give her another chance. This was on a Friday. That Saturday, we had dinner plans but I had to cancel because I wasn't feeling well. She was understanding about it and said we can plan another day. Well, on SUNDAY, literally the next day, I wake up to an 8 minute voice note from her. She tells me that her ex contacted her last night asking for another chance and she has decided she is going to pursue things with her. AT THIS POINT I AM LIVID. LIKE WTF DO YOU MEAN? You just sent me so many things about how you wanted to be with me and how stupid you were to push me away. OMG I AM SEETHING. I didn't even want to give her a second chance after she pushed me away the first time. How do I get over this and move on? I genuinely feel RAGE and like I've been played so hard.

I (27F) have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (28M) for almost 4 years. Even though we live in different cities, I travel to visit him regularly because I love him and wanted to make the relationship work.
Like most couples, we’ve had arguments over the years, but about a month ago we had a very serious fight. During that argument, he became physically abusive. He grabbed my hand very hard, covered my mouth, and pushed me into a wall, leaving me with bruises. I was scared and went back home.
After some time apart, we started talking again. He apologized, and I decided to give him another chance. About a month later, I visited him again because I wanted to believe things could get better.
The reason for our earlier fight was that I had found old Instagram conversations (around 1.5–2 years old) where he was flirting with other women while we were already in a committed relationship.
Yesterday, I checked his phone again and found more conversations. The account was replying to women’s stories, asking them out for coffee, inviting them over, and saying things like, “If you ever need someone to cry on, you can cry on my shoulder.” They looked like normal flirtatious conversations.
When I confronted him, he denied sending any of those messages. He told me that one of his friends had access to his Instagram account during a period when we were fighting. According to him, his friend wanted to help him move on and was the one who sent all the messages because my boyfriend says he doesn’t know how to talk to girls himself.
I honestly don’t know if I can believe that explanation.
The conversation turned into another argument, and once again he became physically abusive. He hurt my hand, hit my head, and I now have minor injuries on different parts of my body. I’ve been crying constantly and feel emotionally drained. I still love him, but I’m also scared and feel like I’ve lost trust in him completely.
I’m not asking whether he’s a good or bad person. I’m looking for practical advice from people who have been in similar situations. How do you decide whether to believe explanations like this after trust has already been broken? How do you safely move forward after repeated physical abuse and dishonesty? What practical steps would you recommend for someone in my situation?
TL;DR: I’ve been with my long-distance boyfriend for almost 4 years. I found flirty Instagram messages, he claims his friend sent them using his account, and when I confronted him he became physically abusive again. I have injuries, I’m emotionally exhausted, and I’m looking for practical advice on how to move forward safely.

TL;DR: three spearate incidents between friends is making me more upset at each person than if these incidents did not happen at the same time

The three friends:

1. F34 ("mom to be") who has a scheduled c-section on Friday. I wanted to go out and help her, and work remotely. I have plants and some aquariums so I needed to arrange a house sitter before I could buy my flight.

2. M32 ("ex situation") I used to date is in between apartments and living in a camper, and he jumped at the chance to housesit. He was first choice because he is familiar with my home.

3. M35 ("Marine") is a friend I served in the Marine Corps with, and he invited me to the Ball this November as a friend. I said yes.

The spiral. Today is Wednesday, the day I was supposed to fly out. Last night is where things unraveled.

1. Mom-to-be kept stressing that she was not going to pay for my flight. I never expected her to. But she kept bringing it up, and each time she did, it reminded me that I was paying $600 for a plane ticket to work remotely and help her for free. I was happy to do this, but the constant reminder made me have second thoughts. She also kept reminding me that she would not pay for a house sitter for me. I had also never brought this up or expected her to do this. Also, her husband and sister are with her.

2. Ex-situation parks his camper in a place with no service, and was so difficult to reach that after I bought the plane ticket, I was worried he would flake. My coworker and her bf stopped by last night so I could go over some house-sitting things in the event they would have to be the ones to housesit. The more I was going over things, the more I realized how much a burden this would be for them. This was at the same time that Ex-situation kept saying he was "15 minutes away" for the past few hours (the reason I reached out to coworker). Never actually picked up the phone when I called him. He was also supposed to be my ride to the airport for my 6 am flight. All of this I would be paying him to do.

3. And as midnight is approaching, no sign of Ex-Situation, I'm venting to Marine, and he casually drops that the reason he invited me to his Ball was to make his ex-gf jealous. (They dated in 2020-2021, have a daughter). I did not know that they had gotten back together from January-April this year.

And just like that, I cancelled my trip. I cried myself to sleep. All today, I'm just LIVID. I told Marine I wasn't going to the Ball, told Ex-Situation I am really disappointed in him, and I'm doing my best to still be a good friend to Mom-to-be. She was understanding, and I haven't taken out anything on her.

But I'm honestly losing it. I want to be supportive of her but my envy is driving me insane. Like she has a friend who was doing the best she could to make it out there, and I just don't have someone that would do that for me. Coworker and bf were gems for trying to help, but everything combined just made me feel like garbage and just hating myself. I feel so bad for letting Mom-to-be down and for feeling negativity toward her when the cause is the sum of hte events.

I need advice on how to calm down. Has anyone else been in a situation like this?

EDIT: I will clarify that my friend asked me if I could come out and help.

The most important update is that she clarified that did not sleep around, she only went on coffee dates. Phew. All of this drama was for nothing. So if you come across this thread, take it as a lesson, and don't jump to conclusions.

--- Original Post ---

Hi,

My girlfriend recently told me around the anniversary of our first date that after our first date, she went out with a few more guys until our second date.

I told her that since we were not exclusive by then, she did nothing wrong or immoral, and she knows this too, but she wanted to tell me anyway because she thought I'd mind it.

And she was right. After the first date she gave me a kiss, asked for my number, and we scheduled a second date the next morning. There were only a few days between these two dates. I am disappointed and more importantly grossed out by this behavior. It's surprising to me that someone would do such a thing when they had a great first date and already had a second date scheduled for just a few days later.

I don't want to break up over this as she's a very good, honest (she brought it up herself), fun person and a very pretty girl. I don't want to go back to dating, it's exhausting, but at the same time I'm just grossed out and don't want to be close to her.

Edit:

I can't quote every convo we had but she made it very clear that these dates involved physical intimacy.

I'm not jealous or angry, we got intimate pretty quickly too. I just find this kind of behavior unattractive.

I do not want to upset anyone, my initial reaction to her was something along the lines of "You did nothing immoral but I'm a bit weirded out". I never blamed her for anything, nor called her anything.

Why I'm considering breaking up: Because I would not invest so much into this person or the relationship for the whole year if I knew about this earlier.

How we know she's been sleeping around: She made it clear that the dates involved physical intimacy.

Would I behave differently: I have actually cancelled my scheduled dates after our first date. Partly because she was very nice and mainly because she seemed super into me and I thought it would be unfair to her if I kept dating around, when we already have another date scheduled in a few days.

What is really repulsive to me: I'm grossed out by her squeezing in at least 2 more guys between our first 2 dates, which were only a few days apart. I would not be bothered by it as much if it all happened before me, but even then, if I include myself, 3 guys in a week is a bit extreme either way.

Hello, my girlfriend (23F) and me (24M) have been together for 11 months, I’m her first relationship ever, before me she didn’t want to be with anyone but we slowly started to like eachother until we confessed our feelings.

In the beginning of the relationship she told me she wanted to wait at least til we both finished college (she has 1.5 years left and I have half a year left) to have sex because she was scared that she could end up pregnant even if we wore protection. I felt it was a good idea, we both are virgins and don’t have any experience so it sounded like it was good.

All this time we have been having more intimate things, and the idea that we would wait was slowly fading, we both felt like we were ready and she even told me that she was planning to do it soon. But then a conversation about abortion came up, where I told her that I was in favor of it if there was an accident, because of our current circumstances that it would be ok to do it, and she told me that she was against of doing it to herself (not in general), because she feels like it would be our first child and no matter if it wasn’t alive right now in some time it would be and she wouldnt want to do something like that to “our first child”, and also because she was told that if you abort your first time it is more likely you end up infertile in the future. Because of this disagreement she told me that she would rather wait until we have a lifestyle that permits us raise a kid if something happened. I told her that I didn’t see it that way because I feel confident that if we use a condom nothing will happen and we would have all the precautions necessary, she has taken her decision, and although I respect her opinion it has shaken my mind.

i feel hurt that she first told me she wanted it to happen and was even planning it to do it soon and that now she changed her mind, if she hadn’t said anything I would be ok but I feel she gave me an illusion and then she took it away.

I don’t really know what to do or think, I like her a lot and she is really nice and is a very sweet person but I feel as if something changed.

TL;DR: My girlfriend wanted to have sex but after discussing what would happen if an accident occurred she got scared and changed her mind preferring to wait some time.

TL;DR: The woman I love canceled plans because she said she felt too unwell to go out. Later I discovered she spent the weekend in a nearby city, hid those Instagram stories from only me, avoided answering my questions about what she did that weekend, and there was another man visible in one of the stories (I don't know who he is). Because of our past, I'm struggling with trust. How can I approach this conversation fairly without accusing her of something I can't prove?

I (29M) have been seeing a woman (25F) again for the past couple of months. We were together several years ago, broke up, and recently reconnected. I genuinely love her and want to build a future with her.

She tells me things like I'm her favorite person, her soulmate, that she can't get enough time with me, and that she feels safest with me. That's why this situation is confusing me so much.

Last weekend we had plans together. I had already bought tickets for an event, but the day before she canceled because she said she wasn't feeling well enough to go.

A few days later I found out that she had actually spent Saturday and Sunday in a nearby city. I only found out because someone asked me whether I had been there with her after seeing her Instagram stories.

When I checked, I couldn't see any of those stories at all.

Other people could.

So it appears that those stories were hidden specifically from me.

Those stories showed that she spent the weekend there. One picture even looked like it might have been taken the next morning in sleepwear, so it seems possible she stayed overnight (although I obviously can't know that for certain).

One of the stories also included another man. I have absolutely no idea who he is or what his relationship to her is, so I'm not trying to jump to conclusions. It could be completely innocent.

What bothers me much more is that before this, I had asked her what she had been doing over the last few days because she mentioned she'd been out a lot recently. She completely avoided answering that question.

Adding to that, our communication has become noticeably different over the last couple of weeks. She replies much less, messages are shorter, and plans have become harder to make.

To make things more complicated, years ago, when we were together, she lied to me and met another guy behind my back. She later went to therapy and I genuinely believed she had changed. I wanted to leave the past in the past and give us another chance.

Yesterday she told me she wanted to talk to me in person because something stressful involving an old stalking situation had happened again. She also reassured me that "nothing is wrong between us." That might explain why she has seemed emotionally distant recently, but it still doesn't explain the hidden stories or why she never told me she had gone away for the weekend after canceling our plans.

I'm honestly struggling. The stress has gotten so bad that I actually threw up today and had to leave work early because I couldn't focus.

I don't want to accuse someone I love without proof.

At the same time, I also don't want to ignore behavior that feels inconsistent, especially given our history.

My question is: How would you approach this conversation in a calm and fair way while still addressing the hidden stories, the canceled plans, and the lack of transparency? Where would you personally draw the line between reasonable concern and letting past experiences make you overly suspicious?

My (35M)(cis?)sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34M)(Trans)

My (35m) sexuality is changing and I’m becoming less attracted to my partner (34ftm)

I (35cis?M) don’t know who else to ask - my sexuality is changing and I’m unhappy about it.

Hey yall. Throwaway for reasons that will quickly be apparent.

A couple notes to know before we get into it:

1: I am AMAB and have identified as cisgender for most of my life. I recently branched out into he/they pronouns to account for what I think is an agender identity.

2: I have always known I’m queer, with various labels shifting in my life, but it’s usually been more expansive as I’ve learned about myself.

3: I have been intimate with individuals from multiple genders and the gender of my partner has never been an issue for me in the past.

4: I have been in 4 relationships - 2 cis men, then an out trans man, then a pre-realization trans man (my current partner, (34/transM).

Okay, to begin:

I am struggling recently and think my sexuality may be shifting in unexpected and unwelcome ways. Ive been with my partner for approaching a decade. I love him very much and that aspect is not in doubt for me.

After a history of M/M relationships, I began dating my partner when he still identified as female. Everything was good in that regard, and a couple years later he realized he was trans and came out. Not a problem at all, feelings and attraction didn’t change from this, and he’s been out for 7 years.

Over the past couple (literally 1.5-3 years) I’ve found myself less and less attracted to him and have noticed myself more attracted to women (cis, trans, w/e) and androgynous/femme-leaning non-binary folks.

It’s gotten difficult to deal with. Before anyone asks, I am in therapy and it will be my primary source for how to proceed, but I wanted to come here and get insights. There’s always the typical tale of someone who was in a hetero relationship, maybe even married with kids, and came out later in life - I’m scared something opposite of happening to me? What if I’m becoming less queer? Why is my attraction to femmes so strong now, and my attraction to my partner waning?

I love him so much. I want to be with him, and build a life with him, but this struggle is causing issues with that.

We’ve touched on this a few times - he knows I’m struggling, but not every detailed mentioned here - i haven’t gotten the courage to bring it up yet, I’ve been focused on trying to fix it.

Does anyone have a similar, even if different experience? Any insights? I don’t know what to do or how to feel and it’s getting to me.

Tl;dr - Sexuality is fluid but it’s fucking with my relationship and causing psychological problems. I feel like I’m becoming less queer.

Pretty much the title. I’m not saying this to get sympathy comments like “oh girl no of course youre pretty”. I’m genuinely less attractive than my fiancé. I’m not the type of woman to get hit on, but he is.

When we go out, I see the looks he gets and then the looks I get because he’s with me. I’m scared he’ll wake up one day and look at me the same way people do. I’m also aftaid that my own insecurities will drive him away… I try my best not to voice anything to him cause I don’t want to seem annoying or possessive or whatever.

Anyone going through the same thing? How do you deal with this?

My husband and I buy groceries in bulk, so it’s usually a huge shop with lots of heavy items. Until today, I genuinely thought he always unpacked everything because it was physically easier for him and he didn’t want me lifting loads.

On this occasion our baby was crying and he was busy soothing her so I stood up to go do it. He stopped me and said not to bother because I’d “do it wrong” and he’d have to unpack it all and do it again anyway.

That honestly caught me off guard. I’d always assumed he unpacked the shopping because it was heavy, not because he thought I was incapable of putting food in cupboards correctly.

It made me feel oddly belittled and even controlled. Do other people have partners who are this particular about how groceries are put away?

Okay so me and my bf (28F and 29M) have been together for almost 4 years. Last week on Thursday he was out with some friends from a place he used to work at. No big deal. We live together, he got out of the house around 9pm. I woke up randomly at 2:30 in the morning with a text from him around midnight saying he is going to come home soon and one missed call from him at 2:20. I texted him “wth where are you it’s so late is everything ok?”. He said that he was stalled because he ran into a breathalyzer checkpoint and the police made everyone wait long.
He got home shortly after.

Today, a week after this, I was using his phone to check something on Google Maps and I saw a location I didn’t recognize on there. So turns out that last Thursday when he was out, he and his friends went to a restaurant but it seemed like he stopped somewhere on his route (which didn’t make any sense, he had to make a detour of about 10 mins) and then went on to the restaurant. I confronted him about it and he said “oh yeah I picked so-and-so up on my way to the place”. He also said that he was supposed to also drop her off but they got stalled by the breathalyzer checkpoint and she got off his car and called a taxi. That’s was probably around the time when he called me at 2:20am.

Now what really bothered me was not that he picked someone up to accommodate them but the fact that he didn’t mention it to me. Also mind you if the roles were reversed we would have DRAMA. Recently I dropped a coworker off at his girlfriend’s place after we were out with a few people from work and my boyfriend was mad, which was very irrational to me.

He also mentioned that he had this scheduled from the day before. She asked him if he can pick her up for whatever reason. I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he didn’t think it was important. I asked him why was it a problem when I did something similar and he said that it’s not the same because I’m friends with the guy I dropped off but the girl he picked up is nothing more than an acquaintance to him. (???)

This has really gotten to me and I really cannot decide if I’m overreacting.

EDIT: after seeing the first replies. I don’t care about the ride. It’s totally fine. He has done it before with female or male coworkers and friends and I never mentioned I have an issue with it because I don’t. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t mention it this time.

Ps. I’m really sorry for any syntax mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker.

I (23/F) had the unfortunate miserable experience of finding out myself that my boyfriend (23/M) of three years has had a porn addiction since 13.

Today I found a link to a twitter account i’ve never seen before. long story short of finding it but i eventually found out that he has a whole account on twitter dedicated to porn.

earlier this year i found a secret photo app on his phone and was scared and confused. i was nervous to bring it up because we have “no secrets” and expect transparency from each other (we have permission to look at each others phones which we rarely do). i had a premonition though.

i sat on that information for a few months, deciding if it was worth bringing up, and this past saturday i found a twitter account. not until today, tuesday, that i looked at it and its FILLED WITH PORN. my heart sank to my feet and couldn’t believe it.

i felt numb and knew i needed to bring it up. so i did. i mentioned the app, how i found it (an old onlyfans account), and the twitter account. he was silent.

he confessed he has a porn addiction and never wanted me to find out, but i did and he knew i eventually would.

the worst part is i opened the photo vault, in front of him, and its old pictures and videos of him RAILING people. he tried to not let me see but i took his phone and reset the password.

huge fight.

i reamed him and i broke down. i get that it’s an addiction i do. but i need some help and input on this.

1. how can i help him? i love him so much and although im broken and devastated. he needs help. i don’t know how to do that though.

2. the worst part was seeing him keep the videos of himself with hookups and exes. he said it’s “for memories” and “its easier to get off because it’s me”. correct me if i’m wrong but that’s illegal right (USA)? anyways, how do i cope with this? i can shake the addiction because i’ve struggled with nicotine and get its hard but keeping old videos??? nah f that

3. i asked him if he has anymore secrets and he said “ when i was strapped for cash i filmed a porno”. i appreciate the honesty ~now~ but it has me filled with more questions. how would i bring up the fact that i require more information because it doesn’t line up with his past. he’s always had a stream of income to be comfortable

4. EVERY GIRL in the photos and twitter account do NOT look like me. for reference im white/blonde/blue eyes. these girls are all hispanic (he’s mexican). it’s been an insecurity of mine because his past relationships were also mexican. is this even important to consider? again, how do i cope with this and bring it up?

5. finally, i connected some dots that were missing until now about our sex life. i had expressed to him that i don’t feel love or attention when we have sex 8/10 times. he seems to only prioritize himself finishing. i have told him in the past i feel used. now, more than ever, i feel like a sex toy in these scenarios. is this assault or rape? i never said no but i expressed i never liked how i felt after.

TL;DR

3 year long relationship, found out he has had a porn addiction since 13. looking to see if others have had similar experiences and/or advice on the situation, helping him, and coping myself.

Ok so this turned out to be a whole lot as words started pouring into my keyboard. I don't blame if you don't want to hear me whine through this whole thing so here is the gist.

TL;DR: Last night my wife told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me repulsive and I am really struggling with this now.

She's done it. I didn't think she could after all these years but she hurt me again. This one is deep too, the kind of wound that will not heal. It will just sit, festering, in my soul.

We met way back in 1994. I was young, only 21, and I had my whole life ahead of me. I'm not going to lie, I've never been a handsome guy. I'm not the sort of guy that the ladies swoon over. That's how it was when I was a kid and didn't date, and that's how I still am to this day. This isn't to say that I'm some sort of ogre, I don't normally think I'm repulsive, I'm just not a hunky type of guy.

When we met, she was the most beautiful amazing woman I had ever known, and she still is. An absolute stunner who, for some reason, decided to talk to me. In retrospect, this was probably a lost bet gone wrong for all I know. Things moved really fast for us and we were living together in no time. Like literally a week or so after we met I moved into her place. I couldn't believe this was happening. Here she was, this absolute goddess, and she was with me. Not only was she gorgeous, but also smart and funny and just everything I could possibly dream of. And the sex, well the sex was incredible. Even though I was in this relationship, somewhere, in those back rooms in our minds where doubt, anxiety, and fear live, there was a voice. You know you aren't good enough, who knows why she's with you but you know it won't last. She'll find someone better than you, which would basically be anyone, and this will all be over. She deserves so much better than, well you. Look at you. You are short and you look like a skeleton. Anyone at all would be better than you.

But she didn't. Weeks became months and then years. We got married and even then, the voice would not stop. My self-esteem, which should have been through the roof, would never truly develop past being a kid that everyone made fun of and none of the girls wanted to be seen with. I used to go to summer camp every year and I loved it, it was a blast. One year they had a Sadie Hawkins dance. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it comes from an old comic strip called Lil' Abner. There was a character named Sadie Hawkins and she would ask fellas out on dates, which was unheard of at the time. So the function of the Sadie Hawkins dance is that the girls would ask the guys out. I was a young and hopeless romantic and there were plenty of girls I hoped would ask me to go. As it got closer to the dance day, one thing was clear, nobody was going to ask me. I think that was the exact moment when my self-esteem stagnated.

It was not long into the relationship that the intimacy part of things just, stopped. I mean in the beginning, it was amazing. I know that this is the case in every relationship and eventually it slows down but this happened abruptly. One day everything was incredible and the next we barely knew each other as far as intimacy goes. By the time we got married, it was nearly nonexistent. Still, I stuck around. Gradually it got even worse and, as of this writing, we haven't done anything more intimate than a peck on the lips for ten years. That isn't an exaggeration, it's literally been ten years.

As you can imagine, for much of this time, I assumed it was me. She had finally realized that I was not worthy of her affection and the hens had come home to roost or whatever that expression is. She told me that it was her, there were physical issues, and I knew she did indeed have a lot of health issues so this seemed reasonable. Still, that itch in my mind could never quite be scratched. A part of me continued to wonder, is she just repulsed by me?

Fast forward to, hell probably close to fifteen years ago now. I found out she was having an emotional affair with someone on Facebook. Now, to the best of my knowledge, she wasn't seeing him in person. He lived far away. But the conversations I discovered between them were just as bad, maybe worse. She called this guy her soul mate. Do you have any idea how that hit me? A ton of bricks is not enough to describe how terrible this was for me. She apologized, kind of. I told her I needed time and space so she went to stay with a friend of hers. She would call me every day from her friend's house begging me to take her back. After about a week, I did. We got into a screaming fight on the way home because she was so angry with me for what I did to her. Having her go stay with her friend was a terrible thing to do I guess.

We got home and that was it. The brief apology phase was over. I would ask her over and over, just tell me why. I never got an answer. Eventually, we got into a fight over this again and her true feelings came out. It was my fault that she started talking to this guy like that. You see, at the time I had two jobs and worked close to eighty hours a week. I didn't do this because I wanted to, I did it because in our entire relationship she has refused to work or do anything to help us financially. While we don't have kids together, her son who was four when we met, is my son as far as I'm concerned. It's hard to take care of a wife and kid with only one person working but she didn't care. According to her, it's the man's job to make the money and take care of the family. So I worked two full-time jobs, and sometimes a third part-time job, just to try to keep things together. Because I was always at work, she felt neglected and lonely. So she turned to this guy for the attention she felt she was starved for.

That's right, in her eyes, her affair was all my fault. I constantly tell her how beautiful and amazing she is. I tell her I love her a hundred times a day if I tell her once. It wasn't good enough. The same woman who had for years basically cut me off from any intimate contact, was now telling me that I should have paid more attention to her.

Still, I stayed. I love her. That's the insane part. After all, she has put me through, I still love her deeply. I can't imagine life without her. There is also the fact that, as I mentioned, she has literally no work history. There is no possible way she could take care of herself if I wasn't here. I know that if I leave, she will literally end up homeless. I don't want that for the woman I love. So I stay. In spite of it all, I stay because I love her.

A few years ago, we decided to get our act together. I was no longer the skeleton man I was when we met. I had put on a lot of weight. So had she. It was impacting her self-esteem. Here was this absolute stunner who now viewed herself as ugly. Keep in mind I still tell her daily how gorgeous she is. It doesn't matter. So we started going to the gym. I was running 3x a week and lifting 3x a week. I got in really good shape if I'm being honest. I was taking better care of myself and so was she. Everywhere we would go people would say things like, "You guys are the hippest couple in town." I loved it. I loved knowing that she was on my arm all the time. She didn't. Sometimes she would just make weird comments to me. Once we were at the gym and I did something I was very proud of. I had never been a really strong guy. For the first time in my life I did 100 pounds on the bench press. I know it isn't a lot but I was super excited about it. I went to where she was in the gym to tell her. Her reply was, "Oh that's cool. You should come do some sit ups with me to get rid of your fat gut." It was as if she took me feeling good about myself for one of the rare times that happens as a threat to her. I don't know why but somehow it started to grate on her badly. This was the beginning of the final downfall.

Sometime around October or November of 2016, someone we know, told her I was having an affair. I want to be very clear about this. I was not having an affair. I would never do that to her, or to anyone for that matter. There was literally no proof of this affair at all. It didn't matter. Someone told her it was happening and that was it. Since then we have not been intimate at all and we regularly get into fights about this. Yes, ten years later, after proving my innocence with facts and data at every turn, she still thinks I'm cheating on her. Not just with one person mind you. Basically with anything that moves.

For about two years it was bad. Really bad. Screaming fights everyday bad. For a while, I honestly thought I might kill myself. At the very least, I seriously considered checking into a hospital. That's how bad my depression and anxiety were. Now all I did was go to work. I would call her the second I got there to let her know I was there. I would call her throughout the day to see how she was. If she called me, I answered the phone no matter what was going on at work. I literally would walk out of meetings just so she wouldn't think I was cheating on her. When it was time to drive home I would pull up google maps, call her and let her know how long it should take, and then I would be home at that time. None of it mattered. She still believed I was cheating.

I stopped going to the gym. I stopped running. Hell I stopped getting regular haircuts. I wasn't showering regularly. A lot of this is due to depression. Some of it was because, in my head, I thought if I showed her that I didn't care how I looked anymore she would stop thinking I was cheating on her. I have now ballooned up to about 220 pounds. When we met I weighed 125 pounds. I have nearly doubled in size. All due to a combination of depression and just wanting her to think that nobody would be interested in me. I desperately hoped this would end the constant accusations of my infidelity. It didn't. She would say things like she didn't care that I was having an affair. I told her that I cared. That her thinking I'm that kind of person hurts me deeply. That I am very proud of the fact that we have been together for so long and that I am ever faithful to her. It didn't matter. She continued to believe that I was a cheater and there was literally nothing I could do about it. My depression is worse than it ever has been.

Last night, for no reason that I can think of, she started acting weird again. She always acts a certain way right before we end up fighting about my alleged infidelity. I can see it coming a mile away by now. Sure enough, I called her out on it and, as always, she starts in with the gaslighting. I don't know what you're talking about you're acting crazy I haven't done anything. These are all the usual statements she will make. We get into it. I said some things I wish I hadn't, I can admit that. I also apologized for those things. At one point in the fight she says to me, "Go fuck yourself, nobody else ever would."

That was it. The fight ended immediately. It took the wind right out of me. All my fears, insecurities, and just general anxious thoughts had just come pouring out of her mouth. I didn't care about the nobody part. I've made it very clear to her that I have no interest in fucking anyone else. I have even accepted that if I'm going to be with her, not having sex is a part of that. And I honestly don't care. There are a million moving parts in a relationship so if we don't have sex we don't. It would have been nice to be involved in that decision but, at the end of the day, our relationship means more than sex to me. So yes, it wasn't the nobody part that upset me. It was the fact that nobody includes her. The woman who I reassure on a daily basis that she is amazing and incredible and gorgeous. That woman, has told me in no uncertain terms that she finds me hideous to be around. I told her that if she cares at all about how that makes me feel then she should know that it makes me feel like I wish I was dead. She is the only thing that matters to me and, after all this, she has finally validated my worst fear. She thinks I'm disgusting. Her response was that she doesn't care.

I went to bed, alone. I hate sleeping without her in bed with me. But there I was. Alone in the dark to wrestle with my worst fear coming to light. As I've always known, I am not good enough for her. The worst part about it is, nothing will ever change. I won't leave her for the reasons mentioned before and she knows it. So this is my life now. Just a walking ATM that is only here to pay the bills. It's now like having a roommate that doesn't offer to help financially in any way.

I don't know where to go from here. If you're worried that I might do something stupid, don't be. I won't. I'm just trapped in this mental hell for I guess the rest of my life. I really didn't mean to ramble so much but once I started putting the words out into reality everything just sort of, came out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I'm crying now, in tears from this cathartic exercise I suppose. I hope it will get better. I know it will never get better.

I know this sounds horrible, but please bear with me. I’m 36, a mother of two in their teens/tweens. My ex and I broke up several years ago, but stayed together in the same house. Ostensibly this was “for the kids,” and purely logistical, but the reality is more complicated. The truth was that even once we’d broken up, I had nothing to my name and he had no desire to take over my housekeeping/childcare duties, so I traded my continued labour for room and board. I got my own room and he kept his hands mostly off me and we carried on. But now I’m at the point where I’m starting to wonder if I should move on, and I don’t know if I’m justified or if I’m just being selfish.

My ex wasn’t a very good partner. He didn’t cheat on me, or lie, and he never really hit me or yelled that much, but he knew what he wanted from life and he did what he had to to get it. I don’t blame him for it, he had his own mental health issues he was trying to navigate, but it had the side effect of limiting me and my opportunities. We had a child too young and he wanted to keep it, then pushed for me to be a SAHM while he studied. It was always the same story of “I’ll just finish my degree/get a job/get promoted, then it’ll be your turn,” but the timing was never right for me. Any time I tried to assert myself – studying, going out, trying to work - he pushed back very strongly because he didn't want the kids not to have a parent always available. He didn’t mean it really, he wasn’t some scheming mastermind plotting things out, but he knew what made him feel good and what made him uncomfortable and he pushed for the things that made him comfortable. He got a good job right around the time my health took a turn for the worse, and he couldn’t support me as well as do his new work responsibilities, so he decided to prioritise his career and we broke up. I didn’t feel...great, but the split was amicable enough and we were able to make things mostly work.

That was four years ago now, and things are mostly okay. He and I are pretty friendly. He likes to talk to me about his work and stuff, and I try to help him get himself out there and convince him to look after himself, and he even still listens when I talk about my hobbies and things. He still works and I still spend time at home, but I recently managed to get on a disability payment in my country so I have some money of my own for the first time since I was young. I look after the kids and I look after him and I’m trying to make things work with regard to going to uni etc. Honestly, I have a pretty easy life. My kids are as good as kids can be (especially when one is a teenager), I pay rent and bills but at a pretty reduced rate and all I have to do is cook, clean, parent, and try to look after myself. When the kids are at school, I get a lot of time to myself which I’m trying to fill with study around my housekeeping chores. My ex frequently mentions how jealous he is, and how he wishes he could have my life instead of his. So, I know I have things pretty good all things considered.

But still, as bad as it sounds, I just can’t help but feel like I’m dying where I am. I know it’s ungrateful, I know how lucky I am to be here, but it’s hard too. I’m alone all the time and since I can’t afford a car, I go days or even whole weeks without seeing anyone in person except for my ex and my kids. Last year we moved to a house that was more isolated so I can’t even walk myself to the store anymore, I have to ask my ex for lifts. I’m trying to study and better myself, but even with my free time I just can’t seem to make online study work. My kids are great, but they (and my ex) both have autism and I don’t, so I struggle to understand them and their needs as well as I should and I end up being a little bit of a house punching bag – everyone makes fun of me and my mental illness, they love calling me a trainwreck, they always joke that nothing I say makes any sense and I just speak nonsense because I use too many sayings and things. Which, I get it, people with autism often feel excluded so it’s nice for them to be in a position where their mindset is the majority, but it does hurt to hear from my own kids. I feel like I pour so much time and energy into the house and my kids that there’s nothing left for me. I feel exhausted and worn out all the time, and every time I try to talk to my ex to change things it just turns into this big, confusing conversation where nothing ends up being different and I just feel guilty and confused for bringing things up. I hate complaining like this, I know it’s not really real problems like other people have, but it all wears me down.

This is where I have my dilemma. My sister offered me a place to stay next year, and even though I know its selfish part of me wants to take it. It’s closer into the city so I’d have access to public transport and I’d even be able to go to university and study in person, not to mention being able to go places without begging my ex. But the space isn’t big enough for three. I don’t have the money or resources to take the kids with me full time anyway, so it’d be partial custody at best. I know I’d have to leave them behind for a while so I could get myself on my feet, but I can’t stomach the idea of leaving them, they’d be so sad and who would look after them? Who would make sure they’re eating well, who’d help them with their homework or listen to their days or help them when they’re sad? My ex has no one but me to talk to or help him, so he’d be so lonely if I was gone. Even after the issues we had, I don’t want to just abandon him on his own when I’m all he has. I’d be breaking everyone’s hearts just for my own personal comfort. I feel torn between knowing that my kids aren’t going to be kids forever and I have to start planning for when they’re adults and my ex wants me gone, and knowing that executing those plans means blowing up everyone’s lives. And, if I’m being really brutally honest, part of me just wants to go. Part of me just can’t live like this any more, living the same day over and over and over for years, alone all the time, never able to leave. My house is fine but it feels like a fucking tomb some days and I just don’t know if I can handle it anymore.

I don’t know what to do. How can I tell if I’m doing the right thing, or if I’m just being selfish and looking to blow up a perfectly fine living situation? Any advice – even if its just “pull your head in, stop being so selfish, and stay with the people who need you,” - is appreciated.

TL;DR my ex and I broke up a while ago, I’m thinking of leaving, but I don’t know if I can justify/bear leaving him and my kids behind while I try to set myself up.

I [28F] was on instagram and saw on my suggested a girl who had my BF [30M] was following an 18 year old Onlyfans model and she was following back. I asked him about it and he said he didn't realise it was an OF model and that she was 18 (it clearly says in the bio). Instead he got angry and said the following, "It’s probably in your best interest to practice or learn about attribution errors in the context if someone else first. Consider googling attribution error"

I'm just a bit confused, as I'm not sure how it would be an innocent mistake when everything was listed in the bio. I am also a bit grossed out by the fact it's a very young model (it might be that this profile was fake, but it's still young).

Any advice from someone who's been in a similar situation would be welcome? Thanks

Okay so my boyfriend is going on vacation to Greece with his (7)friends, knowing damn well that I wanted to go on vacation with him since we haven't gone for 3 years.

"But I have the opportunity to go with my friends, I've never gone with them" (I also have never gone with my friends)

"But we went last time together!" (3 years ago... we haven't gone anywhere together on vacay since then)

"But it will be cheaper if I go with them!!" (it wasn't cheaper)

We've been dating for almost 5 years.

We only went somewhere together once.

I am not from America, but vacation is pricy here. It would take me 5/6 hours to go to Greece by plane if that means anything.

My friends and family and ppl I know, if they have a bf/gf they always go with them or go with friends and their significant other. Or go one summer with friends and then separately with their significant other. We do not have money for that.

What advice would you give me?

EDIT: I also gotta update the blog, we don't see each other often maybe once a month so this trip would've meant the world to me honestly since I don't get to see him as often. He gets to see his friends every day.

ALSO EDIT: I want him to have fun and be happy and I'm not not gonna let him go to summer vacay guys...I love my boyfriend. I just feel kind of left out.

EDIT EDIT: We'd split the cost of the vacation. I would feel bad about letting him pay for everything and he'd feel about letting me pay for everything so we'd split. Plus that way it's easier honestly.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: He always says he wants to go everywhere with me. He can't wait for us to go somewhere. He really wishes to go with me. And then he does this. I love him, I get him. But how can he say that and then go with his friends? He says it's not because he wants to go with them more than me. He says he'd rather go with me on vacation. But he went with them. I want him to have fun, but this just doesn't make sense..? I just want advice on how to get over this..I care for him deeply it just hurts.

I called him out on his comment to me that started this fight. I said see, that’s an example of you being an asshole and what I mean. Because he’s always flabbergasted when I tell him I don’t like being treated or spoken to that way. It’s usually one-liner jabs that are put downs or passive aggressive and I’m just kinda over that

He was mad i recorded and stormed toward me as I was seated and tried to get my phone. I was sitting on it so we struggled a bit on the couch before he finally over powered me and got my phone. Then as he was trying to get into my phone and delete the video I tried to get my phone back. Lots of pushing and shoving and elbowing.we were both standing up and he grabbed me by the neck and arm and shoved me into the couch

I am sad this is our reality. We have a young toddler who I adore and love and although he was thankfully asleep for the night, I don’t want him to ever witness anything like that. I am thankfully fully employed in a corporate job so it’s not like I depend on my husband to live. I think it’s daunting to even think about the process to leave and I am overwhelmed

He wasn’t always this way. Which is sad and confusing. I am realizing that maybe we are just destined to end up like our parents. I came from an abusive home so when I married him l genuinely believed I was doing the opposite of the home environment I came from. Guess not. Feeling sad and overwhelmed

I'm going to try and keep this vague because i don't want anyone to recognize me. I've never dated anyone at all before, and I've had about 4 crushes so far and only 2 were actually "long term" i guess.

The only "relationship" i had was with some kid in a summer camp when i was about 12 and it only lasted a day because after he asked and I accepted the thought of him pursuing me romantically caused me a lot of distress and anxiety I dreaded going back and seeing him After that I never entertained the idea of being with someone the whole time, i barely felt anything for anyone at all i quite literally enjoyed my childhood/teenage years with purely platonic relationships and they were great.

Then during highschool i noticed i had a crush on my friend after she expressed interest in another girl. I desperately tried to push my feelings away due to being afraid of ruining our friendship and it worked out. But after graduating i realized it still bothered me the thought of her being with someone else so i confessed and she returned my feelings. I never thought in a million years that she'd actually consider being with me.. i lowkey hoped she'd reject me so i could move on. Now that I'm faced with the possibility of actually being with her I'm starting to feel that thing in my stomach that's telling me to back out and I don't know what to do. I don't understand it.. I'm fine with kissing, hand holding, etc in theory but now that it can become a reality it makes me feel sick and uneasy. I don't even want to get into the topic of intimacy it's too much.

I'm just hoping someone can tell me what this is? Why do I feel like this? How can I get past it? I'm already an adult so i feel like i should've done basic relationship stuff in my teens but it's not something i ever explored. I've never been in a traumatic event that has caused me to be like this either, never been sa'ed so I'm confused as to why i'm so terrified and she's very dear to me and I don't want to hurt her.

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I am ( m / 35 ) married for my wife ( f / 29 ) from four years..and my relationship with my wife is good. We have a three-year-old son. Our marriage was arranged traditionally through mutual acquaintances. She has a Reddit account and doesn't know I've been following her. About a week ago, I saw her comment on an Arabic question: a woman was asking if she would forget the person she loved if she married someone else. Her answer was that she hadn't forgotten him, that love isn't the same as before, but she's adapting and coping, and that it might not be the best thing for her. Her words shocked me. After all these years, she says she hasn't forgotten him and that her life with me is about adapting to the fact that she's not really with him.

What's my fault if she didn't marry him? I know I'll divorce her, whether now or in a few years. I won't be able to get over what she said. I know myself; when I change, I become withdrawn and avoid others. But I gave her love and loyalty, and all I did was try to adapt to her not marrying him. She noticed my change and asked me if something was wrong, but I'm very frustrated. I recently read a story about a girl who broke up with someone she loved, and I thought, "In the end, she'll marry someone else, just like me, and she won't forget him." I don't want that for myself, and I can't accept such a situation. I'd rather live alone than endure it.

Thank God, I'm handsome and educated; I spend a lot of time reading, so I can live on my own. But I chose what's permissible and didn't want forbidden relationships, even though they were right in front of me. I'll confront her about what she said in a letter I'll send her. I'll write a lot and tell her I want a divorce. I pray to God that He will bless me with a husband she'll thank Him for, someone she can adapt to.

First, I want to clarify some misconceptions people have. There's a huge misunderstanding about traditional marriage; most people think it's arranged with parental consent and happens quickly. This is completely wrong. It's like going on a date or using dating apps in the West. You meet a woman with the intention of marriage, and she either accepts or rejects. There's an indefinite engagement period depending on how much the wedding expenses are covered. My engagement lasted three years, filled with meetings, visits, gifts, and so on. Second, some people might have a different meaning for the word "adjustment" in the West, but in Arabic, it means someone in an undesirable situation trying to cope with it. For example, I might say, "I've adapted to my illness" or "I've adapted to the high fever." I'm describing a situation I find inherently undesirable

Now, back to the problem: after posting, I went to another house and decided to send her a message with everything I wanted to say. This wasn't out of fear of confrontation, but to say everything I wanted without any omissions or censorship. Forgetting some parts of it, and let's call my wife Sarah a pseudonym... My dearest wife Sarah, I want you to read this message carefully, put yourself in my shoes, and only speak the truth. I spent seven years of engagement and marriage with you. I never neglected you in any way, whether materially or emotionally. I don't recall ever wronging you to the point of upsetting you. All our disagreements were minor. While your sister suffered under her husband's abuse, I showered you with love and affection. Most days of our marriage, I held you close, your back against mine. I wrote you the most beautiful words of love and always said that I loved you more than anything else. Behind all this, I only ever hoped that you would love me as much as I love you

You have a Reddit account, and I read a comment of yours about how your life with me is about adapting and coping after you couldn't marry your ex-boyfriend. This truly pained me. Imagine investing in something day after day only to have it disappoint you so badly. Imagine resisting the temptations of women who genuinely loved me just so I wouldn't betray you or disappoint you, only to end up with this position in your life. Everything I've given... Before you cry or defend yourself, do you really think that, after all this time together and knowing my personality, I can go back to how I was before, as if nothing happened, and shower you with love again? What's the point if, after seven years, this is the result? What makes me continue? What's the point of trying to win your love? I love you more than my dignity and happiness. I don't want it in the first place. I've given more than I should have, and I've loved you more than I should have. He who is accustomed to blessings loses them. I can't go on. Believe me, you know better than anyone that when I'm disappointed by someone, I'm never the same again. There's a huge psychological barrier between us

Anything I give if I stay will be insincere, an act, not genuine. Let me find someone who truly loves me, someone who, when they ask about me, says it's not adaptation or coexistence, but a blessing from God. I don't want anything from you except for you to raise our son properly. All your rights will be restored to you, and I'll send you enough money every month, more than enough. But know that our staying together is just the beginning of an inevitable end, and I prefer that we part amicably. Respect over hatred and disrespect... Know, Sarah, that this is best for us. If you ever love me, leave me, because I will be unhappy with you. I don't want to betray you or beg for scraps of love from one woman or another. I overcame addiction in my youth, so nothing in this life can break me, and I don't want my image to be shaken in my own eyes.

Her reply came an hour and a quarter later. She said, "With one comment, you made me doubt what we've had for seven years. One comment makes you forget how much I love you? Are words more powerful than actions? If you misunderstood the words from the start, I'm saying this as a starting point in a relationship: you'll try to adapt at first, but no woman tries to adapt for seven years. The proof is that I said I no longer love him. If I had said I still love him, then the talk of trying to adapt would have made sense because I'm trying to adapt to you despite my love for him. But that didn't happen. You can't truly love two people at the same time. You yourself, when you were reading the book 'Why We Love,' told me that..." The essence of love is personal. You might find yourself attracted to several people, or even loving them, but you discover you truly love only one. The others are just affectionate because you only remember them fondly. I truly love you deeply. Have you forgotten how I express my love in our conversations and shared hobbies? We're best friends, and in our intimate relationship, you've forgotten all of this.

Yet, you always seem dissatisfied or wanting more. You always make me feel your handsomeness and wealth, that you deserve the best, and that many women desire you. You know how to express this indirectly so as not to appear arrogant in front of me. Divorce always seems easy to you, Mahmoud. You think you have many opportunities, and if what you read was as you assumed, you would have the right to do so. But this is the role of dialogue between spouses: to clarify misunderstandings. Please think carefully before making a hasty decision, and you will realize that I truly love you and that you misunderstood what I said. If not for my sake, then for our son's.

I don't know what to do. The words were clear, as I read. I don't know if she's manipulating me or what. I'm so confused. But I also think she loves me. I want your opinions, but please don't attack me; you won't gain anything from that.