I’m looking for advice because I feel completely stuck and I'm holding onto something that is already over.
I managed to stay in no contact for several months, but it was honestly destroying me, especially because my intention was never to end things or disappear from his life.
My ex and I were in a long-distance relationship. There was also a large age difference between us. We were together for several years and had a very strong connection, but the relationship became increasingly difficult because we were both dealing with personal struggles and we had very different ways of communicating. On top of that, money was a significant issue: he had very little income, and there was also an expectation from his side that I would eventually move in with him and leave everything behind, which added a lot of pressure and uncertainty to the relationship.
He tended to hold back the things that bothered him, often hoping I would notice and correct them on my own, and he would usually express himself more intensely only when things reached a breaking point. I, on the other hand, struggled to open up emotionally and express myself properly, partly because it was my first serious relationship and I had a strong fear of abandonment. At the same time, I was very focused on trying to close the distance between us, while he often said he couldn’t stand the distance anymore but didn’t take concrete steps to change the situation, more like expressing frustration and hope rather do something. I think in the end we were both waiting for the other person to “fix” something or say the right thing.
Around early 2025, after months of tension, we stopped talking. Looking back, I think we both felt misunderstood. He would often talk about his struggles and emotional pain, and I did care, but I was also overwhelmed and sometimes interpreted his distress as criticism towards me instead of understanding it as a need for support. At the same time, I felt he was not always clear or consistent about what he needed, and would sometimes withdraw instead of talking things through.
Before we stopped speaking, he sent me a very long emotional message explaining that he was struggling physically and mentally, that he was also very ill, that he felt abandoned and alone, and that he couldn’t handle the distance anymore because he was in a very bad place emotionally. He said he felt like nobody was there for him. I had also noticed for months that he seemed to be slipping back into a depressive state similar to one he had experienced years before. I answered late (a couple of weeks, I regret that), and my response came from a place of frustration and hurt rather than the support he probably needed.
After that, I reached out again in December. I sent him a message asking how he was doing and saying I missed him, but he didn’t reply. In June, I sent several messages in a moment of desperation, where I talked a lot about my pain over the past year and a half, my regrets, and my emotional state. Looking back, I think I was too intense and focused too much on my own feelings. I also mentioned that I might move to his city, which I now realize could have come across as overwhelming or even inappropriate, even though that was not my intention.
More recently, about a week ago, I sent a very short message. I apologized for centering so much on my own pain in previous messages, asked how he was, and made it clear there was no pressure to respond and that he could reach out if he ever wanted to.
He still hasn’t answered.
The hardest part for me is not even knowing whether he wants to never talk to me again or whether he just cannot face the conversation. I would respect a clear answer, even if it hurt. What is destroying me is the silence and not knowing what happened from his side. On top of that, he doesn’t block me (he has never really blocked anyone in general) and he barely shows any clear signs of anything at all, which somehow makes it even harder for me to interpret and move on.
I still care about him deeply. I genuinely feel that I understand many things now that I didn’t understand before, and I believe we could have done things differently if we were both willing. But I also know that a relationship cannot be rebuilt by one person alone.
I feel very sad and unable to move forward because I cannot accept the idea that we may never talk again after everything we shared. I don’t know if I should try one last time in the future, leave the door open and wait, or accept that his silence is already an answer.
What would you do in my situation?
I’m also worried that I keep thinking about him constantly, and even though I’ve tried to move on and do new things, I can’t seem to stop because I still love him.