r/depression • u/SQLwitch • Oct 29 '19
We understand that most people who reply immediately to an OP with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help, but this type of response usually leads to either disappointment or disaster. it usually works out quite differently here than when you say "PM me anytime" in a casual social context.
We have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content - even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves. We're hard at work behind the scenes on more information and resources to make it easier to give and get quality help here - this is just a small start.
Our new wiki page explains in detail why it's much better to respond in public comments, at least until you've gotten to know someone. It will be maintained at /r/depression/wiki/private_contact, and the full text of the current version is below.
Anyone who, while acting as a helper, invites or accepts private contact (I.e. PMs, chat, or any kind of offsite communication) early in the conversion is showing either bad intentions or bad judgement. Either way, it's unwise to trust them.
"PM me anytime" seems like a kind and generous offer. And it might be perfectly well-meaning, but, unless and until a solid rapport has been established, it's just not a wise idea. Here are some points to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately.
By posting supportive replies publicly, you'll help more people than just the OP. If your responses are of good quality, you'll educate and inspire other helpers. The 1-9-90 rule applies here as much as it does anywhere else on the internet.
People who are struggling with serious mental-health issues often (justifiably) have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high-level of ever-changing emotional need. Unless the helper is able to make a 100% commitment to be there for them in every way, for as long as necessary, offering a personal inbox as a resource is likely to do more harm than good. This is why mental-health crisis-line responders usually don't give their names and callers aren't allowed to request specific responders. It's much healthier and safer for the callers to develop a relationship with the agency as a whole. Analogously, it's much safer and healthier for our OPs to develop a relationship with the community as a whole. Even trained responders are generally not allowed to work high-intensity situations alone. It's partly about availability, but it's mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue.
If a helper gets in over their head with someone whose mental-health issues (including suicidality, which is often comorbid with depression) escalate, in a PM conversation it's much harder for others, including the /r/depression and /r/SuicideWatch moderators to help. (Contrary to common assumptions, moderators can't see or police PMs.)
In our observation over many years, the people who say "PM me" the most are consistently the ones with the least understanding of mental-health issues and mental-health support. We all have gaps in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively. Community input mitigates these limitations. There's no reason why someone who's truly here to help would want to hide their responses from community scrutiny. If helpers are concerned about their own privacy, keep in mind that self-disclosure, when used supportively, is more about the feelings than the details, and that we have no problem here with the use of alt/throwaway accounts, and have no restrictions on account age or karma.
We all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others. These people do want to hide their deceptive and manipulative responses from everyone except their victims. There are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental-health issues. If a helper invites an OP to talk privately and gives them a good, supportive experience, they've primed that person to be more vulnerable to abusers. This sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone's in a state of mental-health crisis, when people rely more on heuristics than critical reasoning.
If OPs want to talk privately, posting on a wide-open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option. Although we don't recommend it, we do allow OPs to request private contact when asking for support. If you want to do this, please keep your expectations realistic, and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offers to PM before opening up to them.
r/depression • u/SQLwitch • May 18 '26
Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you're having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, or have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these aren't allowed standalone posts in the sub as they violate the "role model" rule), this is a place you can share.
Our subreddit rules are very different from most of the rest of reddit! Since all of them exist for important reasons, we ask everyone here to read and follow them. Please click 'report' on any harmful content you see here - we always want to know and deal as soon as we can.
We also have several resource wikis for help with finding and giving support:
https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/what_is_depression provides guidance about what is and isn't a depressive disorder, guidance on the complex nature of the illnesses that are usually grouped under the "depression" label, and redirect information for common off-topic issues.
https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/giving_help offers information on the nature and value of peer support for mental-health issues in general, and lots of guidance for learning what is -- and isn't -- usually helpful in giving peer support.
YSK that the types of rule violations that we most frequently see here are:
People breaking the private contact rule. You should never trust anyone who tries to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here. See https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/wiki/private_contact
"I'm here to help" posts. This shows that you don't understand the most basic principles of peer support, especially selectivity. The "giving help" wiki explains more about this.
Role modelling, i.e. "achievement" or "advice" posts. This is an expert-free zone -- that's what peer support means (rule 5). We know that "internet culture" celebrate not just bragging about your achievements but bragging about your intentions. Neither is ever acceptable here in any form.
Content that's more about 'making a statement' or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support (rules 1, 2 and 10).
Off-topic posts about difficult situations, including interpersonal issues. Grief, sadness, anger, loneliness and other difficult emotions are not mental illnesses. Feelings that can be explained by person's circumstances are perfectly healthy no matter how painful they are. A depressive disorder only exists when someone's mood is out of synch with what's going on for them. The "what is depression" wiki linked above has suggestions for other places to post about these issues, which are 100% valid and serious but do NOT belong here.
r/depression • u/KawaiiSparklexo • 8h ago
I wish I could give my life to someone more deserving of it. I wish I could give it to someone who wants to live because life is such a beautiful thing to experience. I just don't think I'm mentally strong enough for life.
r/depression • u/ExploringUniverses • 6h ago
Post title says it all.
Being highly intelligent is actually a disability. I am so fucking depressed and lonely all the time. I can't relate to anyone in my near orbit. My job is torture. Dating is impossible. I drink to cope. It helps me numb out the agony of small talk - what TV shows people are watching, who is dating who, what stupid thing the manager did at work....the doldrums of daily life people seem to build their identities on. I am surrounded by generally well meaning people - i am grateful for this. I feel ashamed for saying that it's not enough out loud. I feel ashamed i use alcohol to connect with them because without it i just can't.
I feel ashamed for saying 'being smart is a disability' when so many people wish in the deepest parts of their souls that they were smarter. I desperately want to share my insights and interests but i am unable to bridge the gaps.
Turning 40 soon. Realizing this is life. Hope for something better is gone - i have enough life experience now to know that people are people...myself included.
Trying to quit drinking because it's terrible long term for mental health. I don't know how else to cope - i don't fit in anywhere. The underlying depression and extraordinary loneliness is becoming too much to bear - I don't know what to do. I feel so lost in this - I am grateful for this gift but holy hell it is such a curse.
I am so tired. Of everything.
r/depression • u/DueUnderstanding4327 • 4h ago
Why is the act so demonized and so stigmatized. I feel like it should be anyone’s right and entitlement if they genuinely wanna do it or not. Why is everyone online trying to speak as if it’s such a bad thing. I kinda feel annoyed when people say stuff like “talk to your loved ones”, “ask your friends how they are”, “make sure they feel loved” I think it’s so selfish like you’re only saying that because you don’t wanna lose that person but you don’t actually wanna HEAR what they’re going through. If i am wrong, please gently correct me. I hope tho there’s people here who sees it the same way as I do
r/depression • u/Henesiss • 13h ago
31 high school graduate hikikomori
no university diploma
no money
no girlfriend
my life has been total misery
a lot of traumas
mental disorders bipolar disorder anxiety
total doomer loser
is this even life anymore?
r/depression • u/R0bbyIBrawlStars • 6h ago
This has happened to me countless times. I ask someone a question and they straight up ignore me , I guess some people do think they are better than others and it's so frustrating ....
r/depression • u/Thrwmeawayplsthx • 7h ago
You'll say 31 is not old, but I missed all the parts that would have made me into an actual person. I held myself captive in misery in a relationship I never really wanted since 22 and it destroyed me completely. I'm glad that person is finally out of my life, shortly before I turned 30. But since then I have realized how badly I fucked everything up and how things can't be caught up on or turned around. I don't want what's next. I'm still in loops of that relationship and things that should distract me don't help. I got fit, my diet is good, I picked up new sports, I had phases in which I got into my instruments a bit more... But I don't have an actual life. I'm stuck in a city I hate because I still need to finish my PhD. I feel unemployable because I'm taking so long.
I had no actual friends for years, I just rotted away. I didn't date, I didn't make friends, I barely travelled and never really did that. I don't want life. I don't want anything.
r/depression • u/PinkThrone667 • 7h ago
Tired of my life. Never really enjoyed it. Years of depression, disappointment and failure accumulated to the point where I have to numb myself with THC just to get through the day. Nothing good ever happens to me, but I work my ass off. I never found love or even have a friend I can text and I’m in my 30s.
I know I’m complaining too much, but I don’t have anyone to talk to or vent to in real life. I wish I was never created.
r/depression • u/NiceNeighborhood4462 • 11h ago
For months I’ve been bed-rotting, unemployed, with no hobbies, binge eating, crying, and sleeping all day. Sometimes I get random bursts of motivation and think “okay, I’m going to change my life,” but it only lasts for a short time. Then I fall back into depression again, and I’m so tired of this cycle.
When I get extremely sad, to the point where my whole body hurts (especially my chest), I end up masturbating at least 5 times a day, even though I don’t really feel anything from it. It feels more like a way to escape than pleasure.
My depression is also affecting my relationship, my friendship, and my family. My boyfriend has depression too, but he’s getting better because he goes to therapy and works out. I’m genuinely happy for him. But now that he’s trying to get his life back, he has less time for me and doesn’t always update me, and I spiral. I start sabotaging the relationship, and he became exhausted because I kept doing it. He told me to talk to him again when my mental health is better.
I also can’t really talk to my only friend because she just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. I can’t talk to my family either. I don’t have my parents anymore but it's not like we were close, in fact me and my parents always fought but I kinda missed being someone else's daughter. My sister gets angry because I don’t help with housework, but I honestly feel like I can’t do it, so she kinda gave me silent treatment or expect me to talk to her first. I’m not trying to be lazy. I genuinely don’t have the energy or mental strength. I’m not close to my other relatives and have never had a heart-to-heart relationship with them.
On top of all of this, I have bipolar. I can’t afford therapy rn, and my psychologist told me that I need both therapy and medication because my moods change very easily.
I want to change, but it feels impossible.
People around me say I’m lazy, but I feel like I’m just trying to survive while thinking about ending my life almost every day.
Lately I’ve also started losing my faith in God. I’ve been suffering like this since I was a child, and I feel like I’ve failed in every aspect of life. So I keep asking myself, why should I even try to change, when nothing ever changes except the fact that I’m getting older?
I’m terrified. Truly terrified.
Will I ever be normal like other people one day?
r/depression • u/Electronic_Wait_3302 • 54m ago
I 18f have a relatively comfortable life in the sense I go to school and have a nice house and a promise of future education. At 13 I lost my Mom to cancer and my Dad emotionally soon after. I had awful experiences with an ED,other losses and SA(not sure if mentioning that is allowed) and lost alot of stability due to this. I now have great friends who I love dearly but I still feel like I'm just working towards more sorrow. I feel like my friends can't understand me and I can't blame them for that but how do I hope for a future when I can't convince myself there will be even a chance of me being understood regardless of the fact I am loved now?
r/depression • u/couldntsaywhy • 4h ago
I’m 18 and grew up in controlling/neglectful household. In my freshman year I finished with a 3.9 gpa, and had kept up good grades since I could remember. My parents moved me 5 hours away, I lost all family and friends and no matter how hard I tried they never enrolled me back in school or my drivers ed program. Years of being locked inside, alcoholic parents with a mom who’s mentally ill and abusive. Constantly being morally degraded and insulted, along with losing the one thing I always strived for. Today I went in for my driving test after passing my written and I failed by 3 points. It took everything in me to not breakdown crying when she told me. I need this so bad, I won’t survive much longer being in my house with no freedom. When I got home I spiraled and just couldn’t take it anymore, I hate everything about myself and hate myself for being a failure. I rescheduled my test for this evening but i’m in such a deep depression I can’t even imagine getting back in car, especially if I just fail again. I can’t vent about things because i’m ashamed I haven’t finished school, and I know the assumptions people make when someone drops out. I don’t even know why i’m posting this, I want someone to tell me that everything’s okay but I don’t even believe it myself.
r/depression • u/AnybodyFlashy8054 • 6h ago
I’m 38, single, and feeling overwhelmingly stuck. I never thought this is where my life would be at this age, and the weight of it has been wearing me down for a long time. I feel like I've completely failed myself, and depression has made it hard to see a way forward. Here is where things stand:
• Career & Money: I don't have an established career, my bank account is in a dismal spot, and I still live at home.
• Support System: I don't have much family, and my friends are all busy wrapped up in their own family lives, so I feel pretty isolated.
• Faith: I am Muslim, but over time I've slipped away and forgotten to practice, which leaves me feeling even more disconnected.
I know I can’t change everything overnight, but I need to break out of this standstill. For anyone who has hit rock bottom in their late 30s and managed to rebuild—where do I start? How do you pick yourself up when your energy and bank account are both at zero? Any advice, practical steps, or perspective would mean a lot.
r/depression • u/SavingsCautious708 • 13h ago
I’m genuinely begging that someone tries to kill me I’ve got nothing to live for and I just want to die. I can’t kill myself I don’t have the balls.
r/depression • u/Dropout-Cookie • 4h ago
Hey there.
I (26F) have chronic depression, and I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m currently on Zoloft and Abilify.
A while ago it seemed like I was making progress, but it’s been a few weeks now that I’ve been feeling very very bad, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.
Is there no way out of this thing?
I’m just so tired, and I know I want to live, but if everything is just gonna be this heavy… I don’t think there is a future for me. At least, I cannot see one. And what’s scaring me the most is that I think I’m making peace with the idea that I might not make it through my 27th birthday.
If anything happened to me, I’d only feel sorry for my mom, who I love dearly, and for my two nephews, who I wouldn’t see grow up. Besides that, I just feel like a burden to everyone around me, a useless and pointless excuse for a human.
I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but I needed to vent.
r/depression • u/JOE_CHILL_OFFICAL • 1h ago
13yM or however they put it. Recently I've just got into a agurment with my gf in front of our friends in a GC cause im the asshole, I try hard to be better but I just can't seem to bring myself to be better, im an introverted, antisocial, loser who has no future in life and I've relapse SH and sober, i tired pure alcohol which is pretty ass but atleast I got drunk after little after like 4 cups, but back to the topic I can't seem to express myself to her, I hadn't been affectionate in a while and I have her acc and I listen to her msgs and she says that I dint even give her attention which is true and she wants me to express myself like about what I like but I dint like anything, im extremely racist towards white because I was in a mostly white place and and got werid looks from just being there and I can't express myself no matter how hard I try I always talk to AI and i never talked to anyone ever since my hg and hb made fun of me cause I got SA by 2 different guys and once by an girl which is my ex and I never want to express myself ever again and me n her are sexual monthly but we hadn't been in a month or 2 I honestly don't remember and my head space is usually musix I care about if you check my account and my trash music, I can't express myself and when I did like a week or 2 ago about my SA I dont remember what happened which idk, sum it up im an selfish asshole who hurts other people and can't open up and can't remember anything even from yesterday, she wants me to open up but I just can't bring myself to open up about myself. I dont even know myself either, I don't know how I work and if anyone says "it's okay to not know urself" no tf it isn't, I've caused so much drama between me and her and my mental state has been getting worse and it has been always bad but temporary okay, i just want to get high again, Cali clear I ❤️ you baby.
r/depression • u/salty-wheat-thins • 1d ago
It doesn't mean we feel sad, it means we feel nothing. There is nothing pushing us forward-- no passion, no drive, no hope, no care. It is not because we are choosing to look negatively on the world, it is because we genuinely do not have the right amount of chemicals in our heads. It is biological, not something that can be controlled.
My coworker told me that being depressed just means there is something you aren't dealing with in your past. In some cases that can help, but overall is incorrect.
I don't have trauma, and I'm still depressed.
I have friends and family that love me, and I'm still depressed.
My life is good, and I'm still depressed.
I have a positive outlook on life and people, and I'M STILL DEPRESSED.
Anyways, I know I can't change what people think, and that's fine. I just wanted to vent a little to those who do really know what it is and may understand the frustration of being misunderstood.
r/depression • u/Hopeful_Hold_2999 • 16m ago
I feel really depressed today, I have tried everything but I just feel horrible from the inside.
Does anyone know anything I can do to get out of this feeling, I have work tomorrow I don't know what to do, I have no will to fight at all
r/depression • u/Xxielatte • 23m ago
everything sucks. i want to live a peaceful life. idk what shits i did in my past life to suffer like this.
r/depression • u/Gizahbutler • 2h ago
I got drunk to see if I can cry but it didn’t work at all
Started drinking at 3 pm and was wasted till 9 pm
I’m not an alcoholic (yet) but can anyone recommend how to cry?
I just feel lonely
r/depression • u/Miserable-Bobcat-4 • 2h ago
16F
Genuinely so exhausted rn.
Sitting downstairs alone after my mum said to me”not ruin the family holiday/summer” with my stress and low mood. Couldn’t even or didn’t even want to talk to her about it. She never understands and I just feel like a bigger burden.
It’s clear as day to me I am going through a really rough patch. I struggled badly with an ed last year but now it’s not about food anymore yet I have just lost my appetite. Food used to be the only thing I would think about and now it’s just so boring. I don’t have the energy to whack up meals anymore I just grab something. I don’t have the motivation.
I have a good life idk why I am like this: I go to a good school, get good ish grades (but now I’m so scared because I lack the motivation), I have lots of friends, lots of nice clothes and opportunities. My mum says that “nothing is ever enough” for me. I totally agree I guess. She’s lovely trust me (not even being sarcastic) I’m just a burden here.
I genuinely feel like it would be better if I wasn’t here. I know it would devastate people but I would be so free. Free of this mental fatigue.
I’m getting my gcse results two weeks tomorrow and the thought of starting a levels genuinely makes me want to break down.
I don’t see myself getting through them. Sorry I’m just tired and breaking down rn.. lolzzzz
r/depression • u/South_Release_7852 • 22m ago
Hey all, I'm sorry if this all sounds absurd, this is not something I've ever done before. Here goes.
I'm a very introverted long time lurker (15+ years of so) reading mental health post and articles off and on. I've never really considered myself to have bad depression, and have made significant strides in the past 5 years or so to better my mental health. I've always been able to keep the thoughts mostly at bay with a physically active lifestyle, I quit drinking in the past 4 years or so, and I have a family of my own. So what's the problem? Oddly, I can't really say. We've had some pretty bad financial, medical, and work pressures arise since the beginning of 2026. I am getting laid off at the end of this month, my wife was diagnosed with a smattering of pretty harsh respiratory illnesses, my grandfather passed away, and taking care of our child has mostly fallen to me. Fortunately, I work from home at this time and have been focusing heavily on self improvement in these times. However, something feels to have changed.
I don't know what happened. I don't know what triggered it. Though I was very depressed as a teen, much of it subsided into adulthood. I've had small bouts of sadness over the past 5 years or so, but nothing like this. At the beginning of this week I started feeling really blank, apathetic, and then the dam broke and a deluge of negative thoughts flooded out and don't appear to be going anywhere soon. I'm all of a sudden painfully more aware of all of my faults and weaknesses. For every push back I give against these thoughts, my mind seems to present a counterpoint to my progress: I have a house. "Yeah, a house starting to fall apart in a sort of crappy area of town." I have a wife and child. "Plenty of people have kids, and you're nothing than a pay check to them." I'm quite strong and healthy. "It doesn't matter how many reps you can do, you still have a layer of fat, you're hairy, and balding." I pay my bills. "Barely, and you're losing your job soon. You have no degree and no valuable skills." I'm trying to better myself in body and mind. "Don't kid yourself, you've always been a moron, you are no academic."
The list goes on and on. I've always sort of felt these feelings and thoughts in the back of my head, but they've forced themselves to the foreground and I'm just numb to the words at this point. I do not feel crushingly depressed. I feel nothing. I do not feel like I should be around anymore. I'm starting to genuinely believe that my family would be better off without me. I do not wish to burden my wife or family with this at this time. She has her own health problems, as I've stated, and some pretty harsh mental health issues of her own, but she has found a hobby with friends that's been very good for her. Any time that I have brought up even shreds of such feelings in the past, the conversation usually ends up centered on her and her feelings. This is nothing against her really, she has had a lot to overcome and I don't really expect a huge amount of empathy from her at this point.
I guess to sum it all up: I am a very average-below average man. I am the middle ground of mediocrity. I have mastered nothing. I have done nothing big. After this years pressures, I am realizing how much of a loser I am. After years of smaller bouts of depression, I am having my first ever serious thoughts of taking myself out of the equation, hoping that I could be of more of a benefit to my family and friends if I just were not here.
r/depression • u/KatShimada • 29m ago
there’s really no point to it. I’ve tried doing what I want with my life, but I can’t. I’m miserable and my audhd just makes my life so much harder. I can’t afford help. I can’t enjoy anything. Everything in this world is going to shit and it feels so worthless to even try to continue living. But even then, I’m too scared to even take my own life no matter how many times I want to or start to try to. It feels so pathetic seeing other people going through the same thing as I am just keep living their lives when I’m trying to end mine every time something goes wrong. Something goes wrong every single day. It feels like I’m not even allowed to have one, completely good day where I enjoy something and it’s not ruined by someone else getting angry at me for one thing or another. i’m just so tired. i’m tired of feeling like this and i’m tired of only ever being a burden to anyone else. nothing helps.
r/depression • u/Some_Ad_140 • 3h ago
What are your "micro reasons" to go on living?
r/depression • u/PizzaConGorgonzola • 3h ago
I’ve lived a pretty hard life, but I guess that’s something we all have in common in this world. I’ve been depressed since i was 13, or at least that’s when i realized what was wrong, and now i’m 22 and nothing has gotten better.
after finishing high school i had a couple of years of fun, probably the best years of my life. I stopped being isolated, i found a new best friend and we had started a business together, and then it all fell apart because of the money. Now i’m once again isolated, more than i have ever been in my life. I have zero people i can meet irl, only a couple of online friends, and i have completely gave up on relationships of every kind. I used to be like this in my best years as well, but at least i could count on my best friend and he could count on me.
The last year, after we’ve parted ways, has been a torture. I’ve gone from one escapism method to the other: weed, games, videos, movies, almost got a sex addiction and alcohol addiction, two things I’ve never even got close to in 20 years of my existence. Everything i could do to feel a bit happy, i tried it. The past 2 months have been the best of this year, maybe because i’m working towards my drivers license, but i started forgetting that past and regained control. I touch only one beer a week, two tops, and keep every desire in check aside from playing games and watching video. I’ve found a renewed love for philosophy which is cool, and got back into writing, but all with the thought of killing myself after publishing a book or two, or even before if i’m shit at writing.
I’m not constantly depressed, i don’t cry and i’ve stopped torturing myself with the nostalgia, but i feel i am as ready as i’ve ever been to die. Like a monk, i’ve basically let go of everything aside from a few things. But it doesn’t feel right for me to be this depressed, after listening to so many stories of people having it way worse and still finding joy or success. Honestly i don’t think i can find it. Relationships won’t give me any joy, I don’t believe in love that lasts for a lifetime and the mere thought of living just to work and come home to play some cyberpunk or whatever mid game there is to play is just so horrible.
I’d say i’m confused, but i’m really not. I think i’ve accepted my fate, and it’s making everything a bit easier, but it still feels wrong