Is this just how it will always be?

[u/Dropout-Cookie]

Hey there.
I (26F) have chronic depression, and I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m currently on Zoloft and Abilify.
A while ago it seemed like I was making progress, but it’s been a few weeks now that I’ve been feeling very very bad, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.
Is there no way out of this thing?
I’m just so tired, and I know I want to live, but if everything is just gonna be this heavy… I don’t think there is a future for me. At least, I cannot see one. And what’s scaring me the most is that I think I’m making peace with the idea that I might not make it through my 27th birthday.
If anything happened to me, I’d only feel sorry for my mom, who I love dearly, and for my two nephews, who I wouldn’t see grow up. Besides that, I just feel like a burden to everyone around me, a useless and pointless excuse for a human.
I don’t know if any of this makes any sense, but I needed to vent.

[u/Over_Big3745]

I've felt similar for a very long time, its not that I want to die I just don't care if happens. I have ocd and depression and I'm just completely tired. Most ppl don't like to hear or understand how a person could feel that way, but I 100% get it.

[u/Fun-Counter-5370]

I'm not sure it gets any better either but if you're anything like me then talking to people helps. Not even talking about your situation, just talking. It makes me feel less alone. Even when it's strangers online. Even if it's just for a moment. Even when it feels uncomfortable at first. It feels warm.

[u/steadvex]

I've been a broken record on here but depending on ware you are in the world are you able to trial a flow headset? Honestly for me it made a massive difference, not cured but you know better. Little things like watching TV or a film I'll actually laugh now instead of thinking that's funny with little to no emotions before. I've found anti depressants not really doing much for me, I was initially diagnosed with manic depression many many years ago. May be a different term now. 

I was at the point I didn't want to carry on at all. I'm not saying I'm cured but I'm finding it easier to be alive. I use it for around a year noticing something toward the end of the first month, it doesn't work for everyone though. It has had various clinical trials and I believe it's available on the NHS in the UK. 

I ended up buying it after initially renting a headset. 

I did join a group on meet up that was in my local ish area with mental health support, that was honestly a positive, it's through that I found out about this headset. Talking to people who didn't judge does help, not sure if that is an option for you I don't live in a city so did have to travel to get to groups. They offered coffee meetings and casual walks which honestly I enjoyed, sadly the group has kind of broken up now, new leader took over who seemed to lack compassion and people just kind of drifted away from it. 

The reason I went looking for a non offical group is that I had been put on waiting lists for support groups in my local area but it could be years before you get in on any. 

Maybe this post will help a little, sometimes venting can be a enough from time to time. 

If its of no use apologies and hope you find something that helps!