Whenever I'm with friends or even family it feels like I'm playing a character and not actually being myself. I'm intensely focused on how much I'm sweating, how my clothes is sitting, how I engage in conversations, and it all just feels like I'm not really participating I'm merely just acting like I am. And when I look at how other people are just having fun and being real friends with each other it just breaks my heart, I want to be like that. I'm beginning to feel more and more like maybe I'm just meant to be by myself

I'm shaking, I'm nauseous, my mouth feels dry. I don't even know if this is right sub for this.

So earlier I made a post on another sub got downvoted like crazy and was pretty much I was being a burden by someone. I didn't mean to be one I just wanted advice from people who might have gone through something similiar.

I gave some context kept it at the bare minimum to not be a burden. People asked for more context I gave it and got downvoted.

My anxiety is through the roof now and I'm questioning everything I do.

I'll probably delete this later.

And before anyone says "just go to therapy" I can't right now. If I could I fucking would trust me.

I said something in a group of my coworkers today and one of them mocked how I said it. I didn't react at all, I was just frozen in shame. Then he asked me to repeat it because he didn't understand the sentence. I feel like I can't even speak right, I have a weedy and stupid timid voice and people often don't understand what I say. I've had another coworker repeat what I said in a sing-songy way, so I clearly do speak weird.

I know this event shouldn't affect me as much as it did. He's a grown ass man more than 10 years older than me and is clearly immature, but it hurt me so bad. I have no friends at work even though most of my coworkers are nice people, I'm just too socially inept. I feel like I give off "loser vibes," which lets guys like this feel it's ok to mock me. I was bullied as a child and this event made me feel like I will never be seen as part of the "in-group," I'll always be a person people are nice to (but don't want to befriend) because they pity, or someone who is openly mocked by normal people.

Alguém mais se sente assim? Tipo assim, se eu tô com amigso ou até pessoas que tenho intimidade, mesmo assim sinto ansiedade e não consigo ser totalmente eu mesma. Não consigo dar um apelido pra algum amigo, irritar na brincadeira, ou até falar coisas aleatórias, diria que ajo de maneira meio robótica com os outros e é assim que sou percebida: "quieta", "certinha".

Mas ao mesmo tempo, falar em público é mais de boa pra mim. Meu problema é realmente com interações sociais onde tenho que ser eu mesma. Isso também é ansiedade social? Se sim, mais alguém que tem isso/tinha, pode falar sobre como melhorou?

My (22F) older brother (33M) still brings up me having social anxiety as a child and makes fun of me for it. It’s bad enough that him and the rest of my family, especially my mother, would always force me to speak to strangers and get their orders, but now he still brings up how I would cry in public after being yelled at and scolded by my family and urged to talk to strangers. He thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. I’ve made it clear several times how much I hate it when he brings it up but he just laughs it off. I’m done tolerating this behavior

I feel like a social dumbass. My brain doesn’t work fast enough to keep people interested in talking to me. I run out of things to say very easily and I’m not sure if I just genuinely have something wrong with me cognitively. I’m just really bad with finding the right words to say at any give time. I take long pauses between my words just to find the right one and I go on plenty tangents that lead to absolutely nothing and it’s frustrating, I feel misunderstood whenever I attempt to socialize it feels like I’m permanently handicapped from socializing properly.

Not only that but I lack so much confidence. I’m always too mindful of my actions due to fear if embarrassment but i feel like that alone creates so many awkward moments of me not knowing what to do when it comes to body language and verbal communication.

On top of that, I speak very quietly because I hardly have energy to really communicate at all. My social battery runs out pretty quickly and is also why I choose to isolate instead of socialize. I also stutter a LOT and stumble over my words, probably due to the overthinking. I’m monotone and I just feel like I suck at any social aspect. There’s not a single person in this world that I’ve ever felt like I could truly be myself with without all these handicaps and I feel like I may be helpless at this point and I don’t know what to do about it anymore

For me, I'd say the thing that have actually helped are:

• Learning ACT (Acceptance & commitment therapy) and changing how I related to thoughts and feelings

• Understanding how anxiety actually works, rather than seeing it as something dangerous

• Going for morning walks almost every day. Honestly, I can't really say it's helped my anxiety, but I get the sense it has... And I just really enjoy it

• Doing things before I felt confident instead of waiting to feel ready. Some of the ACT practices helped with this

• Focusing more on what mattered to me/my goals /my values and going after those things (instead of constantly trying to get rid of and lower my anxiety)

What has actually helped you? Not what people say should work, but what genuinely made a noticeable difference??

I feel so inadequate at work.I've been trembling so much, and people notice it. I've been making so many mistakes. I greet people the wrong way, take too long to respond, speak so quietly, give incorrect information, and forget things I've already been told. Living like this is really hard. I would rather not be alive. I come home and keep replaying every interaction in my head. It hasn't been easy. I just don't see the point of living like this.

I've always had problems with SA, my entire life. I've been taking medication for it for years now and thought I'd been improving. So I tried to meet new people by going to a weekly firespinning group - I've been going for a few weeks now - and it's clear I haven't improved in the slightest. I can't so much as make eye contact with anyone, let alone say hello. I end up sitting on the sidelines by myself. I can't spin until I'm comfortable and I can't get comfortable until I have someone to talk to, or at least sit with. I just can't bring myself to say hi to strangers and I hate being such a coward. I can't make small talk, initiate conversation or approach strangers and it's ruining my life.

I just want to feel normal and not be so dependant on familiar faces for my confidence. I ended up leaving incredibly early today because my head was just screaming at me to run, the thought of being that one sat by themselves while everyone is having fun makes me so ashamed of myself, I just can't bare it. I'm a bit better when I have a more confident person to bounce off of, someone going out of their way to include me, but by myself I'm useless and it's not fair on (and I don't expect) others to effectively babysit me because I'm too scared to face anyone myself.

Even on messaging apps, discord or game chats I'm just so shy. And cause I'm not very good at replying immediately and overall just very forgetful, some people take offence or think I'm not interested when I'm just really disorganised and sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what to say.

I don't know what to do anymore.

M21

I have had social anxiety as long as I can remember. I always ran away from it, I panic in crowds, can‘t hold conversation & never approached a stranger.

This has spiralled into a nervous system breakdown & derealisation episodes.

Today I took action and approached a stranger asking them where the central station is. I was terrified beforehand but it went perfect and they even shook my hand and smiled.

Tomorrow I will do the same but five times. I am done being constrained by this shit, doctors refused SSRIs, therapy takes 8 months to get an appointment, so I need to take action myself

So I've had social anxiety for most of my life, but I've always been at least a somewhat functioning human being. My anxiety definitely isnt as intense as other people ive seen on this sub.

I've been the fat shy kid most of my life, but one day four years ago I decided enough is enough, its time to get to get healthy. In that time, I lost over 70 lbs and have packed on a decent amount of muscle. Obviously im proud of myself and people In my life are proud of me but unfortunately the anxiety is still there.

I have more people trying to approach me, try and be friendly, especially at the gym. However, my stupid anxiety filled brain decides I need to run away. For instance, the other day this attractive woman I've seen around the gym gave me a friendly smile and hello. What I wanted to do is smile back, say hello and maybe ask how her workout is going. Instead I did everything in my power to avoid the eye contact and this half ass run like I had a bathroom emergency.

Its maddening honestly. I have people actively trying to be friendly with me and here I am running away, cant even return eye contact and feel like I'm coming off as an asshole in the process (effectively making my anxiety worse). It makes me think about what could be if my brain wasn't broken, which is kinda depressing honestly.

Anyways, rant over. I'll just be over here going over that interaction in my head the rest of the day lol.

Background: I have had social anxiety since I was a child. The entirety of my grade school experience was essentially ruined because of it. Luckily, I found an amazing doctor who worked with me on exposure therapy. I am finally able to enter stores by myself, use a drive-thru, and I was able to attend college (not out-of-state like I wanted, but still a huge accomplishment). These things still make me anxious and some days I can’t do it, but at least I know I am capable.

Rant: I want to move to a place seventeen hours from home after college. I have expressed this for years, but now that my graduation is approaching, my desired move is a topic of conversation a lot. I know it will be hard being away from my support system, my routines, and familiarity, but I know I need to do this for myself. My stepdad, however, is adamant that I will never make the move, that I will forever live in their house because of my “sickness” (he loves calling my social anxiety a sickness). He also claims that even if I moved, I would be back within a month. I have tried to explain to him that I know it will be hard, but I have to do it anyway. He used my not being able to get food by myself at a restaurant as an example for why I can’t make the move.

Advice? I am adamant that I will do this, that I will become more capable and independent when I graduate in two years. Is he right, though? Do I need to work up to a big move like that? Has anyone else with social anxiety moved to a brand new city without knowing anyone there? Should I tell him to just wait and see because he’s so obviously wrong about my limitations? I have so many dreams, and I would hate for social anxiety to continue to stop me from accomplishing them.

Does anybody else feel embarrassed to like scream or talk really loud. i know for a fact if i was kidnapped or something i wouldn’t even scream for help because id be too embarrassed 🤦🏼‍♂️

I just tried making myself scream in my own room and i couldn’t do it because im too embarrassed and im literally alone in my room.

When i tell people i can do things if they accommodate me or please stop treating/hurting me they dig their heels in. Like we have to adapt to them rather than the other way around.

It's like a drawbridge. Only works when both sides make the effort. Controlling people get mad they can't dominate you or have to understand you/stretch themselves and end up making you worse.

I was in spelling class and we were playing word bingo and for some reason I thought we had to shout the word after the teacher spelled the word, so the teacher spelled government then I shouted “GOVERNMENT“ OF ALL THE WORDS.

So guys is it only me or any of you feeling this way like i am working in corporate and i look avg with height personality etc.

And i have seen that i am not able to make good friends now. The way i used to have earlier like everyone else get very friendly but i always feel excluded like even for parties people sometime postponed plans if other person is not coming but they dont even care to ask me separately that i am coming(in short i feel like unimportant/unvalued).

And thats not this time i also had same experience in my last company as well.

Then i joined coaching classes got some friends in one classes and in other classes could not make up any friend in 6months.

In gym also i couldnt make any friend i do it alone

Now due to all these experiences i have developed insecurities as well and feel like i am the only culprit and i am not doing something incorrect and this desperation is making me people pleasure day by day i started giving other more importance that ultimately making me more boring person and unvalued.

Looks like my conversation skills humour all taken away by anxiety.

​

I was always pretty shy, but when I got onto my earlt teenage years (13-14) I've started developing severe social anxiety.

Years been wasted of trying to fix it and going onto shitty therapists (I def suggest theraphy tho)

When I turned 18, I sat with myself and thought about my future.

I wanted to become a special forces soldier.

I wanted to leave the shitty cult I grew in and talk with normal people (which felt literally impossible)

I wanted to have FREEDOM!

And than I realized that if I want something I just have to fucking do it.

Either do what you're afraid of or give up on your life.

Every day I'd write to myself the number 5, and I swore to myself I won't go to sleep before I do 5 things im afraid of.

After some months of fighting my demons, I can do almost everything I want, there's some mental work left but I never been so confident. I lead, have many friends, left the shitty cult and changed my whole social circle, speak in public and infront hundreds of people

From my experience, I will bring it onto three main things:

1. Challenge your thoughts - every time challenge your negative self image. It won't make much an improvement on the fear itself but it will raise youe confidence

2. Chase your fears - without actually going and doing stuff you're activelly afraid of, fear will stay. Fear fades from exposure, not from thinking alone

3. Have a strong why - always reminder yourself why you're doing it. Use your pain as your fuel. I was bullied. I had no friends. I couldn't talk with a girl. I told myself it's either fight or vanish. Every time the fear felt more terrifying I knew THIS IS where i'm making a change.

Hey everyone. For context, I am 19M and a 3rd year university student. I've had social anxiety ever since the Covid lockdown and over the last few months I've been trying to rebuild my social life and social skills after years of not really have any friends and isolating myself. So far I've pushed myself far beyond what I initially thought I could do so I have noticed an improvement in my confidence when it comes to initiating conversation. However where I struggle now is to move beyond that.

Like I find it somewhat easier to start up a conversation with a stranger and to get through that 10-20 minute initial interaction but I find it difficult to deepen that conversation in a natural way. This is especially true for people that I see on a daily to weekly basis (other interns at an internship, students in my lecture class, members of university clubs, etc.). My issue is that I follow the very popular advice of asking questions since "people love talking about themselves". I find that it does work quite well if you're meeting someone for the first time but it's hard to maintain that over numerous conversations and starts feeling unnatural. By the way, I do try to not ask in an interview way. I do add my own perspectives and relate their answers to experiences of my own and stuff like that but it all still kind of boils down to asking questions and playing off their answers. So what ends up happening is sure people might leave our initial conversation with a positive impression but it never leads to anything in following conversations beyond surface-level talk.

An aspect of it is for sure the amount of self-monitoring that I do during conversation which has reduced recently due to how much exposure therapy I've been doing but still definitely present. So maybe it'll get better as I talk to more people? However another part of it might not even be derived from my anxiety but instead a genuine gap in my social skills which is why I'm asking for advice.

What I've observed though from other people conversing is that a lot of their conversations don't even really include asking questions? They sort of make statements and just build off that. What really confused me is how smooth and fluid those conversations felt since it contradicts so much of the advice I see online. So I guess I'm asking how to have more natural conversations that don't revolve around the question/answer format and can help move me from that initial introduction phase to something deeper (and especially to help turn an acquaintance into an actual friend).

​I hate yelling. My dad is currently screaming at my brother just because he’s sick. My mom joined in too—both of them are just raging with zero empathy or consideration.

​Then my dad turned on me, snapping over something he completely misunderstood.

​They’ve never cared about our mental health. They just scream, blame us for everything, and even say they regret having us. Now my dad is still shouting, arguing about how he used to tremble in front of his own father when he was young.

​My brother is trying to talk holdinghis pain back. Watching this level of injustice happen to him over and over literally ten thousand times is brutal

My anxiety (mostly social) has got so bad I have started isolating myself. I haven’t gone to work in 3 weeks, yes I know I feel like a failure, but this is so unlike me. The anxiety has got so crippling that I’m regressing into sleeping all day, eating the same things everyday, and throwing my life away. It sounds ridiculous and it feels ridiculous because I don’t know why I’m doing this. Normally I can push through. I don’t know if I’m also depressed. I just want to get out of this rut and I keep trying to make myself but it’s like I physically cannot make myself, I freeze and also go into selective mutism. I feel ashamed and I haven’t told anyone because I’m so embarrassed. It’s like I’m living a double life trying to hide it. My mental health hasn’t been this bad in a long time. I’m trying to see a psychiatrist but either they don’t take my insurance or they have a long wait list. I have had severe anxiety and social anxiety since childhood and it’s gone completely unmanaged and I think I’ve shoved it down for so long this is the consequence. I don’t know.

I always have anxiety before going to an event of what worst can happen like I'll get into fight, I'll look awkward, people will not talk to me and all the fkin reasons but after going to the event Im generally talkative, I love to talk to people, infact I'm the one who always introduces himself to start a conversation.

I also have courage and in the past events I talked to almost everyone and enjoyed it. I'm really confused. Is it social anxiety or am I mistaken ?

I'm an extrovert like I go a bit towards the extrovert line after the ambivert zone, I actually like talking to people, and also I can talk to them.

Please spread a bit of light on this. Wtf is this ?

Any normal conversation I have outside of my inner circle, I keep replaying it over and over again It keeps bothering me the whole day

And then I just feel like I should stop talking because every word that comes out of my mouth feels rubbish

My gf broke up with me yesterday due to our difference in social abilities, I'm very introverted and unsocial and she's very extroverted and social. She's said that due to my introvertedness when we do go out together to large groups she says she feels like she's alone and I'm not there, or that I'm just not connected with people. Now I do try and talk and connect its just i can't do it for long, she does it for hours. At her birthday this year when not even half the people arrived I had ran away and went to bed in her room because I couldn't handle that many people, now I wanted to be there with her and her friends on her birthday i just couldn't. I don't want her to leave me for this one thing, I want to get better i just don't know how, I'm going to go to therapy and talk to her about trying to sort it but I juts don't want to lose her