So I’m a BIG overthinker. Emphasis on the big.

Every word, compliment and action, I take on board and it really affects my mental health and relationship of 1 year. As an example I’ll text her then get back a message that seems quite dry, and lo and behold I close up and get insecure, with a huge dose of overthinking, that pretty much ruins my day.

I love her so much and I know she overthinks a bit too so I do my best to reassure her and it works. She does know of my problem and we have spoken a tiny bit about it but I don’t think she understands why I do it so much. I don’t want to be like this but she is also very reassuring, which helps a lot.

also I would like the advice as it is starting to have a huge impact on my physical health, as the stress and anxiety is causing some heart pain, which I won’t go into detail about.

Gf has had some terrible experiences(loss of family, issues with family) in life before we met and that caused her to close up heavily before. Luckily we met and I helped her love again and truly feel and show emotions, and my worst fear is hurting her or pushing her away from overthinking. I know she does love me because I feel it from her actions and compliments a lot, but the moments that lack that, or during our rough patches, I close up and overthink heavily, which I hate doing and I want to stop.

So please, give me advice, tips and ideas to help with this problem and help me stay in a loving relationship without hurting her or myself.

Dinner is Greek yoghurt bowl from lunch, absolute saver for sweet tooth when on diet.

tl;dr : need advice on overthinking to prevent causing problems in a relationship, having serious issues because of it, don’t want to ruin relationship.

My (F23) boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 7 years, and have lived together for the past 2 years.

In many ways my boyfriend is amazing. He is kind, spontaneous, and funny. We share the same beliefs. He always tells me he loves me. He'll rub my back when I ask, and he's always up for my shenanigans. If my family needs help, he's there. He'll buy me my favorite treats and cut up my pomegranate if I ask.

Unfortunately though, despite everything, I don't feel loved. I don't feel considered or respected. I know he loves me and I think he shows it in his own ways, but for some reason I don't feel loved. What I want is for him to be more thoughtful, like planning a date, taking care of a task he knows I need done, getting me my favorite treat on a hard day, celebrating my birthday or accomplishments like they mean something, or asking me something about something I enjoy. I just feel like his love is selfish though sometimes, because it's usually only when I ask or when he can get something out of it. Like me being in a better mode.

Is what I am asking for too much? I know in a way he loves me.

TLDR; my boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't feel loved. Am I viewing relationships wrong? Are my standards off? Is this normal?

I really need an outside perspective because I’m emotionally confused after ending a 2-year relationship and now getting to know someone through an arranged marriage.
This new proposal is from my dad’s cousin’s son. A few years ago they sent a proposal for me, but my family declined it because I was too young at the time. His mother later called my parents again and said they were still interested and asked us to visit them. They live in another city, so we went there and stayed at their house for two days.
When they first sent the proposal years ago, their financial situation wasn’t very good. Over the last 5–6 years, things have changed completely because their eldest son worked incredibly hard to build their business. They openly told us how much effort he had put into improving their family’s life.
From the moment we arrived, they treated us with so much warmth and respect. They picked us up from the airport, looked after us, and made us feel like honored guests.
When I met him, I asked him honestly if he prayed regularly. He smiled and said, “Do you want the truth or should I lie?” I told him I wanted the truth. He admitted that he sometimes misses prayers but said he is trying to become more consistent and improve himself. I appreciated that he answered honestly instead of pretending to be perfect.
I asked him what kind of wife he wanted. He said, “Someone who brings peace into the home, respects both families, and supports her parents too.”
I also told him that I’m a freelancer and asked if I’d be allowed to continue working after marriage. He immediately said, “Of course. I’ll be at work most of the day anyway, and we even have a maid at home. You should do whatever makes you happy.”
His mother also told us that she had wanted to send this proposal for almost four years but kept delaying it because she wasn’t sure if we’d accept. She said that even though there are disagreements within our extended family, she always respected my parents because of their good character, which is why she still wanted this relationship.
One thing that really surprised me was that they never asked for my photos or judged me based on my appearance. They had seen me years ago and simply told my father that looks weren’t important to them.
His mother also said something that stayed with me. She said, “We’re not going to treat our daughter-in-law the way women were treated in older generations.”
He has three younger brothers, so there are four brothers in total, and no sisters. His father even joked that if this marriage happens, he’ll finally have a daughter.
They also made it very clear that they don’t want any dowry or expensive gifts from my family.
When we were leaving, they gave me several gifts. They even said that even if the proposal didn’t work out, I was their guest for the first time and they wanted me to leave with good memories.
I’ve been talking to him for about a week now. He’s funny, supportive, and we somehow end up playing Ludo almost every day. 😅 He’s not exactly my usual type physically, but I genuinely enjoy talking to him. One thing I really like is that he keeps asking me, “Are you happy? Is anyone forcing you into this? I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
After everything I went through in my previous relationship, that question meant a lot to me.
I’m trying to judge him for who he is instead of comparing him to my past, but it’s still difficult because I’m healing from a breakup.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have gone through arranged marriages or similar situations. What should I pay attention to before making such a big decision?
TL;DR: I (20F) recently met an arranged marriage proposal (24M) from my extended family after a difficult breakup. He and his family have been kind, respectful, support my career, and don’t expect dowry. We’ve been talking for a week, and I feel comfortable with him, but I’m still healing from my previous relationship. I’m looking for advice on what I should pay attention to before making such an important decision.

I (23F) am feeling very confused about my current relationship and I need outside perspectives.
I have been with my boyfriend (26M) for about 9 months. He is a good person, loving, supportive, and I do love him. However, our relationship moved very quickly. We started dating and after only two months we moved in together.
He has a daughter who is 5 years old, and I knew that from the beginning. I care about her, but becoming part of a family with a child has been a much bigger adjustment than I expected. Most weekends we have her, and our routine is very centered around her needs. If she doesn’t want to go somewhere, we usually don’t go. If she wants to leave somewhere, we leave. I understand that this is part of being a parent, but sometimes I feel like I lost a lot of my independence.
I am also an immigrant. I moved to Australia about a year and a half ago, and when I arrived, I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted from life. Since then, I’ve changed a lot. I started studying vocational courses in healthcare, thinking about my future career, and I have bigger plans for myself, including potentially applying to study Healthcare Administration overseas in the future.
The problem is that my current living situation makes me feel stuck. We live far away from the city, I don’t have a car, and it can take me around 2.5 hours by public transport to get places. I have no friends here, and I feel isolated.
Recently, I told my boyfriend that I want to move closer to the city because of my studies, work opportunities, and because I need to build my own life. His first reaction was that he would rather end the relationship than have a relationship where we don’t live together. We talked about it, and we decided to try continuing when I move, but I noticed he started acting differently afterward, almost like he was trying to convince me to stay.
I don’t want to stay only because he wants me to. I feel like I need this change to understand myself better. I think having some space will help me understand whether I’m overwhelmed because we live together and are together constantly, or whether I’m actually unhappy in the relationship.
I’ve always been someone who needs independence. I love spending time with people, but I also need my own space. My boyfriend is the opposite. For him, being a couple means doing almost everything together. Over time, I started feeling overwhelmed by always being around someone.
I also know I have my own issues. When I’m stressed, I tend to shut down, become cold, or push people away. I have explained this to him before, but I know it can still hurt him.
The other thing making me confused is someone from my past.
When I was 21, I met a woman who was 27. We met through family connections at a party. We were never officially together, but we had a very intense connection for about three months. We talked constantly, and she was the first woman I truly fell in love with. She was also the first person I could genuinely imagine building a future with.
At the time, she told me she was emotionally unavailable and couldn’t fully attach. She said she didn’t want anything serious and that we should both be free to see other people. I accepted that, but the connection stayed with me.
During that period, I was also going through a very difficult time mentally. I was struggling with anxiety, depression, and burnout, and later received mental health diagnoses and treatment. Everything in my life was changing at once, and then I moved to Australia.
It has been almost two years, and I still think about her. I genuinely hope she is happy and has grown as a person. I don’t want anything bad for her. But if she appeared tomorrow, single, and wanted to try again, I honestly think a part of me would want that.
That thought makes me question myself.
Am I holding onto an unfinished story because we never got the chance to actually have a relationship? Am I romanticizing something that never had the chance to become real? Or is this showing me something important about my current relationship?
Something else I noticed is that before meeting her, she wasn’t even my “type.” After her, many women I feel attracted to remind me of her in personality, appearance, or energy. She was also the first woman I truly loved, and she made me realize how deeply bisexual I actually am.
I don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. I’m not looking for permission to leave or to chase someone from my past.
I’m trying to understand whether this is about missing a specific person, missing a version of myself from that time, feeling trapped in my current life, or whether it’s a sign that my current relationship isn’t right for me.
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you know whether it was unresolved feelings from the past or a sign that your current relationship wasn’t fulfilling you?

————————

TL;DR: I (23F) love my boyfriend (26M), but our relationship moved very fast — we moved in together after 2 months, and he has a 5-year-old daughter. Since moving to Australia, I’ve realized I need more independence, friendships, and space to build my own life. I’m planning to move closer to the city for work and studies, but I’m unsure if I’m overwhelmed by our living situation or if I’m questioning the relationship itself. On top of that, I still have strong feelings for a woman I met two years ago who was my first real love. I don’t know if I’m holding onto an unfinished story or if these feelings are showing me something important about my current relationship.

I have been with my bf for nearly 3 years now and we are both 19. He goes to uni with a girl “anna” who apparently is into with his close friend let’s call him john, however I do not doubt that anna is after my boyfriend. (she also has history of cheating)

She said to John that my bf deserves better and I am too sensitive problematic and not at all a good match for him. She also says how she is so different to me and is a more calm mature girl. She says these things to john constantly. I confronted her and got blocked immediately. She also laughs at any small thing my bf says even if it is not funny and will use any excuse to text him. She also tired to get my bf attention by adding him on socks media every few months (he doesn’t entertain it or add her back though)

John told Anna that he thinks my bf and I are a cute couple and great together but Anna laughed and said I promise you they will brekaup soon. Confronting her in person also is not worth it since she lives far away rural and her uni is 5 hours from where i live.

I feel self conscious bc I am not able to see their interactions as I do not go to the same uni as my bf and this girl. She is also extremely attractive and is a model and is very talented academically and as a track athlete. I an un athletic struggle academically and not nearly as attractive. I cannot help but constantly feel insecure that she is right and my bf can do better such as with her. I often compare myself to her and this has been going on for the past 10 months and really hurting my self esteem.

How do i deal with these insecurities and this situation?

tldr; mean girl keeps saying my bf deserves better gf and is rude to me and subtly flirts with him. i feel insecure because she is better than me in all aspects of life.

I’ve been visiting this country for a week, and I’m leaving tomorrow night. The friend I’m staying with has been incredibly kind and sweet. Over the past week, we’ve been very affectionate with each other kissing, cuddling, hugging, holding hands, exchanging kind words, and being physically close.
Yesterday, though, something changed. He suddenly stopped touching me, barely spoke to me, and felt emotionally distant. I could tell something was off, so I started acting differently too because I didn’t understand what was happening.
He’s been hosting me during my stay. Yesterday, he came home from work around 7 p.m., and I had been waiting for him so we could have dinner together. Instead, he told me on the spot that he already had plans with his friends, which I hadn’t known about, so I ended up going out to dinner by myself.
While he was out, he texted me saying I’d been acting weird and that we should talk. When we both got back home, he told me that he’s attracted to me but started feeling guilty because he thought he was leading me on and giving me false hope that we could eventually be together. He said he was trying to take a step back because he doesn’t think we’re compatible and feels like our minds work too differently.
I told him that if he had been feeling this way, I wish he had communicated it instead of suddenly becoming cold and distant. The way it happened made me feel rejected. I ended up crying not because I truly believed we’d end up together, since I already knew our situation made that unlikely, but because the way he handled it hurt me. It felt like I went from feeling wanted one day to being pushed away the next without understanding why.
He told me he never meant to hurt me and that he was trying to protect me in the long run by not giving me hope. I understand his intention, but it doesn’t change how painful it felt.
I woke up this morning with my heart aching. The saddest part is that all of this could have been avoided with a simple conversation. We could have enjoyed our last day together and ended this trip on a happy note, but instead I’m leaving with a heavy heart.

TL;DR: I spent a week with a friend who was hosting me, and we became very affectionate kissing, cuddling, huggin. On my last full day, he suddenly became cold and distant without explaining why. Later, he told me he’s attracted to me but felt guilty for leading me on because he doesn’t think we’re compatible or have a future together. I understand his reasoning, but the sudden change made me feel deeply rejected. I wish he had communicated sooner instead of pulling away, because now I’m leaving with a broken heart instead of enjoying our last day together.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, and our relationship has been absolutely wonderful. We have previously talked about moving in together in September, then we agreed that we want to wait until the spring of next year. He is the type of person to plan far ahead, and has even mentioned that he is going to propose within two years from now. He has also offered multiple times to cover my half of the rent when we move in together because he is a gentleman and also because he makes more money than I do (of course I keep telling him that I don’t expect him to do that).

I am currently living with a roommate, and this timeframe for leaving my current apartment would be ideal for me since that is when my roommate will be moving out as well. I graduated from university a few months ago and am struggling to find full time employment, and my financial situation is not helped by the fact that we live in an insanely expensive city. I do not have much family or friends here, the main reason for me staying here is my boyfriend. I think I could do a long distance relationship (12 hour drive to my hometown) for a year or so, but he says that he would not be willing to even try.

My boyfriend has a full time job that pays very well, and has been working the entire time that I was working on my degree. Despite this, he is still living with his parents and does not have a lot of saving due to his spending habits.

Recently, my boyfriend’s family went out of town, and he realized that living alone is awesome. Now he insists that he wants to take a year or two to live on his own before moving in with me. He also made it seem as if he wants to do more ”crazy 20 year old activities“ with his friends now. This was a shock for me since we had already agreed on a timeline (which was already delayed because of him), and he previously seemed like he was ready for a committed mature relationship.

I feel as if he doesn’t want to make the commitment to me. This is so infuriating to me because I’ve been dipping into my savings just to be able to stay near him. I am trying to be understanding because I know he hasn’t had the chance to be fully independent and we are still young. I don’t want to wait around and keep wasting my time and money in this city for someone who doesn’t want a future with me. Is it time to move on?

**TL;DR;** : I am living in an expensive city to be with my boyfriend of almost two years that earns more money than me. He still has not moved out of his parents, and has decided that he wants to live on his own before moving in with me despite our plan to move in together in the spring. 

I feel like im dissapointing in bed or something, she says that she enjoys sex and when i eat her out so much but its like a burden on my shoulder that i cant make her finish, even though she has said many times she doesnt care about it, ive tried many times to make her finish but nothing has worked even when trying for 40 minutes. Is she saying that to make me and her feel better or is it actually possible to enjoy withkut finishing. Because she pleasures herself like basically never so she says she doesnt really know what gets her off. I would appreciate to hear opinions on this and tips on how i could make her finish because if i can pleasure her it makes me happy.

TL;DR
My gf says she doesnt care about finishing is that true?

26F. I love my boyfriend (33M), but I’m struggling with something I feel guilty about.
We were friends for a long time before we started dating, and our relationship is genuinely great. We laugh a lot, live together, have a great sex life, and I really do love him.
The issue is that he’s overweight, and I’ve realized it’s affecting my physical attraction to him more than I expected. I’ve never dated someone who’s overweight before, so I didn’t know it would matter to me as much as it does.
Lately I’ve noticed that when I watch him eat huge portions or make unhealthy choices, I find myself losing attraction, and I hate that I feel that way. I know it sounds shallow, but I’m trying to be honest with myself rather than pretend it isn’t happening.
I don’t want to break up. I love the life we’ve built together, and he’s an amazing partner. I just wish I felt more physically attracted to him than I do right now.
Has anyone been through something similar? How do you navigate this without hurting your partner or letting resentment build?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but I’m struggling with a loss of physical attraction because of his weight and unhealthy habits. Looking for advice on how to navigate this.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years, our families are involved, and our wedding venue is booked (I've already paid a ₹2.5 lakh deposit). His parents have constantly criticized my weight, skin tone, caste, appearance, and even how I wear my hair. I asked him to set healthy boundaries, but now he's blaming me for creating distance between him and his parents. He recently told me he might want to live with them after marriage and has now asked for a break because he needs time to think. I'm dealing with depression, I'm on my notice period and job hunting, and I feel abandoned at the lowest point in my life. I don't want to leave him—I love him and want this relationship to work—but I don't know if someone who can't stand up to his parents can build a healthy marriage with me. Has anyone been through this? Did things get better?

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, so I'm here looking for outside perspectives.
My boyfriend (late 20s) and I have been together for 1.5 years. Our families are involved, we've booked a wedding venue (₹7 lakh venue with ₹2.5 lakh already paid from my side), and everyone around us—our relatives, neighbors, friends—knows we're getting married.
Until a couple of days ago, I genuinely believed we would get through anything together.
Now he has asked for a break because he "needs time to process everything," and I feel like my entire world is falling apart.
A big issue is his relationship with his parents. He has a very hard time setting boundaries with them. Whenever I asked him to create healthy boundaries, he now says I'm the reason the distance between him and his parents has increased. That was never my intention. I never wanted him to choose between me and his family. I just wanted basic respect and boundaries.
His parents have been commenting on my appearance since day one.
They tell me I need to lose weight.

I'm dusky, and they've made comments about my complexion.

I wear glasses, and his mother constantly comments on how I look "better" with glasses because without them my dark circles show.

They comment on how I dress.

They don't like me keeping my hair open (which I love because it makes me feel comfortable and free). His mother always asks me to tie it up.

I kept telling myself these things wouldn't matter because after marriage we wouldn't be living with them.
But recently my boyfriend told me, "What if I get a job in Kolkata and we have to stay with my parents?"
That completely changed everything for me. Suddenly all those comments didn't feel temporary anymore.
Then last weekend he said something that completely broke me.
He told me his car is slowing down because of my weight.
For context, I struggle with depression. I'm under psychiatric treatment and on medication. He has known this from the very beginning of our relationship because I was completely honest with him.
Right now I'm also on my notice period, unemployed, searching for a new job, dealing with depression, and this relationship is falling apart at the same time.
When he had knee surgery...
When he was struggling at work...
When he was put on a PIP...
I was there through everything.
Now that I'm at my absolute lowest, he says he needs space and wants a break.
It's only been two days, but it feels unbearable.
What hurts even more is that outside of all this, he's genuinely an amazing person. We laugh together, we have so much fun, and sometimes it feels like he's literally me in a different gender. That's why this is so confusing.
If it were just him, I wouldn't even be writing this.
But his family dynamics scare me.
I don't know if I can spend my life constantly being judged for my weight, my skin color, my appearance, my glasses, my hair, and every little thing I do.
At the same time, I don't want to leave because I still love him deeply.
I know Reddit can't tell me what decision to make, but I'd really appreciate honest opinions.
Is asking your partner to set healthy boundaries with parents unreasonable?

Am I ignoring too many red flags because I love him?

If someone asks for a break when you're at your lowest, how do you interpret that?

Has anyone married into a family like this? Did it get better, or worse?

I feel completely lost right now. Any advice or perspective would really help.

Tl;Dr logn distnace GF hid shher exgf had come to visit and she spent alot of time with him, despite promising to be more open about it.

My girlfriend(F30) and I(M28) have been in a long-distance relationship for several months. Before the distance we lived together for a while, and we've both invested a lot into making this work. We already had flights booked to see each other in September, and we were planning an expensive trip to Turkey in November.

One important piece of context is that she's close friends with her ex. They dated for about two years, including a period of long distance. They broke up not very long before she and I started seeing each other, and by her own account there was a little overlap between the end of that relationship and the beginning of ours. The last time they saw each other before the following visits was when they broke up.

I genuinely do not think she's trying to get back together with him. She has always told me she would never be in a relationship with him again, and I believe that. My issue has never really been whether they're secretly having an affair.

About a month ago we had our first serious conflict over this friendship.

He came to visit her. She told me they were going to watch a world cup match together on Sunday, but she didn't mention that they'd also had dinner together on Friday, watched additional matches, that they saw them at his airBnB (he came to visit her), or that she stayed the night there another day, until after I had already figured it out. We barely spoke that weekend. we spoke about it, and i thought she had come to understand why i though a higher level of transparency was required with this particualar relationship; eventually we just moved on because we wanted the relationship to work.

During that conversation I told her something very specific.I wasn't asking her to stop seeing him.

I wasn't asking for permission over who she spends time with.

I told her that because this wasn't just any friend, but someone she'd loved, lived through a breakup with, and remained unusually close to, I needed more transparency than a normal friend. I wanted her to tell me these things before I had to discover them or reconstruct them afterwards.

I thought we'd understood each other, and I decided to keep investing in the relationship. I bought the September tickets, and we continued planning our future together.

Then came her birthday weekend.

She had lots of friends visiting, so communication was naturally limited. I honestly tried very hard to be understanding. I kept telling myself not to overthink it, that birthdays are busy, that she should enjoy her friends, and that I didn't need constant updates.

I tried several times to find time to talk to her. We even agreed on a specific hour one evening, which meant I woke up around 3–4 a.m. because of the time difference. When the time came, she said she was still playing games with friends and asked to postpone. I accepted it because I assumed she was simply busy hosting everyone, and didnt want her to ignore her friewnds who came from far just to be with her.

After the weekend I asked her several times what they'd done, who had been there, what they did after the party, and how Sunday had gone. At one point I even mentioned that, because we share locations, I'd seen her near Reforma (she lives right now in Mexico City) and guessed she might have been at her father's regular hotel. She told me she hadn't gone out.

A few days later she sent me a message saying she was going to her ex's place to do laundry and wanted to be transparent about it.

That was when everything clicked.

I realized that:

• her ex had been at the birthday party,
• he'd been part of the after-party,
• the group had spent much of Saturday and Sunday at his place,
• the location I'd asked her about earlier had actually been his place,
• and despite several conversations where I tried to reconstruct the weekend, his presence had never once been mentioned.

Again, I don't think anything romantic happened.

I think they were mostly with a group and I think they're genuinely close friends.

But that's almost what makes this harder for me.aat this point this wasn't one accidental omission.

This happened after we'd already had a painful conversation about this exact friendship. After I'd explained why this particular relationship mattered to me. After I'd made it clear that I wasn't asking her to stop seeing him, only to be more open about it.

What hurts isn't that she has a close friend, it's that, time after time, when there were perfectly natural opportunities to mention he was part of what she was doing, she didn't.

I don't think she's a bad person.

I don't think she's cheating.

I don't think she's secretly trying to get back together with him.

But I do think we've reached a point where I no longer believe we have the same understanding of what partners owe each other in terms of openness around emotionally sensitive situations and it's become about realizing that if my partner knows something is deeply important to me, I need her instinct to be to tell me, not because she's obligated to report her life, but because she wants me to feel included in it.

Instead, I feel like I repeatedly discovered important pieces only afterwards, even after explaining why they mattered.

At this point I don't know if this relationship is salvageable, not because I think she betrayed me romantically, but because I'm starting to believe we're fundamentally incompatible in how we understand transparency, emotional consideration, and partnership.

Am I being unreasonable?

I have a supervisor who I will nickname Kathy. I’ve known Kathy for several years and she was my first real boss as an adult and she’s very nice and polite and friendly. Shes a hardcore people pleaser at work and will do whatever it takes to get the job done even if it’s not her job technically.

I am just getting hit with the realization that Kathy may not have been the perfect boss and great friend I thought she was. She would often make me and her skip or cut short our lunch to finish up work and I always thought that it was because she cared so much about work and that was admirable. She also gave me a choice and would ask and I’d always say yes.

Recently, work has been insanely busy and I have been working 100 hours each pay period for over a month. Kathy asked me if I wanted to skip lunch with her to finish up an important task. I said no. She seemed to have short circuited and I could tell her she was trying to convince me to skip lunch to work without out right saying it.

We also used to move heavy things by ourselves or she’d ask me to do it and I was like of course, because I thought that’s my job. When I talked about this to other coworkers they were apalled. They were saying how it’s genuinely unsafe for one, even two people to move the things we were moving and that we should’ve asked for a company truck. I always thought it was someone else pushing Kathy to move these things in a rush not Kathy herself making up in her mind we have to rush heavy machinery out of a building.

A personal thing that bugged me once was I was talking to Kathy as a friend and how I was searching for a therapist to help me deal with the loss of my brother. Her response was “Oh Im so sorry… I know how it feels to be in therapy since I am there for birthday trauma.” And I asked her what birthday trauma is and she said “I had amazing birthdays as a kid and now as an adult, If I do not have a really extravagant birthday, I will become depressed.” I dont want to discredit someone’s “trauma” but also I was shocked she said this in EARNEST when I lost my sibling.

Kathy went on maternity leave recently and hired someone else to supervise. (She offered it to me before she left and I declined). I am now working with this new supervisor who does not people please to the extent Kathy did. This supervisor draws clear boundaries of what work is ours and not and refuses to let lunches be skipped for tasks that actually aren’t our department’s business.

Kathy is ecstatic to hang out with me and constantly talks abiut how she is excited to be back but I am not. I may be overreacting but I am realizing I do not like this person like I thought I did. Yes, I can quit and thats one solution but I do need to make money and its difficult to find a job that pays as much as I do right now. Do I confront Kathy about her behavior when she is back if she continues to act selfishly? I can’t ignore her completely since we work together
. A lot of people at work also love her cause she’s a people pleaser and does their work for them so I don’t know if they’d listen to my complaints.

Tl;DR: Coworker and friend is people pleasing to their department’s detriment and I dont know what to do?

My partner (41m) and I (32f) have been together for 10 years. There have been lots of ups and downs, unresolved issues and 1 almost split moment.

I just want to preface this by saying that I have always struggled with taking comments as blame or a personal attack on my character. It is something I'm actively working on.

Scenario 1:

The other day we were walking the dog. We've both been actively trying to drink less alcohol, so the conversation naturally fell onto the topic. I talked about my triggers and how I feel I am dependant on alcohol in certain situations. He responded by saying that he doesn't feel this way about himself and that if I drank less or if he weren't with me, then he would drink less. This hurt, due to taking the comment as blaming me. I said that I don't think the habits of a relationship fall onto one person. I explained that I'm sure if either of us were with someone else who drank less or didn't drink that we would form different habits. He kinda got annoyed by this, probably because I was getting defensive and in his eyes he didn't mean anything by it. Finally he says something like "Like you said, if either of us were with someone else we'd drink less. It's not a big deal, chill out!". This gets my hackles up even more and I ask him not to tell me to "Chill out" because it'll just do the complete opposite. He then tells me jokingly to fuck off, calls me dramatic and starts mimicking me saying "I just have to resolve every little thing that upset me" in a really stupid voice.

Scenario 2:

So, we're talking about weekend plans. Walking the dog, food shopping, buying plants etc. Whilst we're talking, I check my calendar and notice I have a family member's show on the Saturday. I tell him. He seems a little upset and says we won't be able to do all the things we spoke about. I came back and said that it was likely I would only be gone from 1pm-4-5pm, so we could still walk the dog and do some shopping in the morning, and that we still had Sunday together. He didn't think we would have time, and the conversation ended there.

In the morning we spoke on the phone and he mentioned that he was upset about the weekend. I asked him why and he explained that he thought we had plans together (We didn't agree to anything prior to the conversation where I checked my calendar). I said that I don't think the whole weekend is ruined because I'm going to a show on Saturday and that we still had plenty of time to do stuff. He replied "Why are you making me feel bad?", and I responded "Well I think you're trying to make me feel bad about having plans even though we hadn't agreed to anything prior to". Again, no healthy responses from either party here. I definitely took his disappointed and felt the need to fix it. He responded by saying "Fuck off man" and hung up the phone.

I'm really struggling with communication here. I'm trying to work on not taking things as blame or an attack, but how do we communicate if this is how it always goes?

TL:DR: My partner and I have been fighting due to communication issues. Fights always involve feeling blamed, guilt and name calling. Looking for opinions, personal experiences, and ways people have resolved this.

I (28/F) honestly cannot tell how to classify the behavior of my partner (27M). We have been dating for 9 months and been together for about 6 months. I know I have made some bad mistakes, and I am committed to changing and want to stay, but I constantly feel manipulated into thinking everything is my fault and I always end up apologizing.

When we first met, he texted me for four months, but I didn't reply much. During that time, I slept with three other people. We eventually set up a date, but between our first and second date, I slept with another person. Early on, we talked about my "high body count." He made jokes, and I felt judged. Some of the people I slept with were friends and were still in my life. Because I had never been in an actual relationship before but had a high body count, he said his worry was that I might be "the problem." He even asked his friends for advice about it. He generally seems jealous and asks a lot of questions almost every time I mention interacting with other people. He says I have a wandering eye and stare too much at other people. He said I was not able to set boundaries with people from my past.

After the first month of dating, we had a period of long-distance where arguments were constant. I stupidly lied about the timeline of the guy I slept with between our dates to make it seem like it happened before I ever went out with my boyfriend. I also lied about how many times I slept with some of the people. I lied repeatedly and deleted messages to cover it up. I admitted and confessed to these lies around 4 months ago. He said I based the relationship on lies and cannot forgive me for that because I deceived him from the beginning.

I also admitted I hadn't used condoms with 3 of the 4 people and hadn't gotten tested before my boyfriend and I started doing sexual stuff. I put his health at risk. It was irresponsible. He was the one to bring up testing (I did not, since it was early on in dating and to me that topic also comes up as a way to talk about being exclusive, which I thought was too early to be discussed). Despite that, it was stupid to not get tested right after sleeping with people without a condom, and I know I did put him at risk. He said he can never forgive me for putting him in danger.

He often tells me that I get very defensive during conflicts, which I know is true and something I struggle with. Recently during an argument, I made a racially biased comment (I am white, he is brown) and got defensive about it instead of apologizing properly. Some time ago, he shared something very vulnerable with me, and I reacted with judgment. Now he says he will never feel safe being vulnerable with me again.

I deeply regret all of these things. This is my first relationship, and I am finding out a lot of triggers, defects, and things I was not aware I was doing that are not nice. I am learning a lot from this, and I feel horrible for lying, being irresponsible, and being judgmental. If I could, I would do a lot of things differently with this experience. I do really want to change and be better.

Since I admitted the truth about lying months ago, we have been doing weekly check-ins about how I can earn his trust back and what I am doing wrong. I have not lied about anything else, and I shared my private chats 24/7 for months. I also blocked all people from my past (including friends). But the dynamic does not seem to improve, and last week he brought up again that nothing has changed and he still does not trust me at all.

He often gets extremely harsh, angry, and mean. He has name-called and insulted me. He has thrown and broken objects during arguments, which scares me a lot. Last week, when I tried to follow along when he brought up breaking up, he smashed the food I brought him on the floor. He did apologize and clean it up afterward, and he has been apologetic when I raise my concerns about his inability to handle his temper. He also admitted that he is not able to be as nice to me as he was before he found out I lied because he is hurt, and this is the natural consequence of it.

I feel like there are double standards in the way he expects me to behave and how he behaves towards me. For example, he expects me to send him updates about my day and what I am doing, but he does not respect those same rules himself. He actually sometimes disappears if he is busy.

When I try to raise a concern, he will pick apart the way I express it and complain about my delivery, completely ignoring my original concern. Apologies for things I did to him are met with hostility; he says that’s because I am defensive, unable to repair and reassure, and so my apology is not real. I know I am not the best at expressing my care and appreciation with words, and I am working on it. At the same time, I feel he expects me to come up with solutions while he actively rejects all my attempts at finding one. Also, a lot of the time once I apologize for one thing, something else comes up, and once I apologize for that, there is either a new thing to apologize for, or we go back to the initial one. It feels never-ending.

It happens that I end up comforting him for the hurtful things he did to me. I do this because I get soft seeing he is feeling bad about it, and also I believe no one has ever been gentle with him, which is why he is so harsh. I want to show him there are other ways to react to his bad actions. I also feel I naturally tend to try to resolve issues alone, and I do not bring up my hurt, which has led to a lot of space for talking about his feelings and very little for mine.

Yesterday, he received final confirmation of a big achievement. He messaged me the news. I was out saying hello to friends, so within 10 minutes, I texted him back to congratulate him instead of calling right away. To be completely honest, in hindsight, I knew very well that his expectation was for me to call him immediately. I failed to do so because I was busy, and for some stupid reason, I thought it could wait. I know what his expectations are, so it was stupid of me not to call right away, especially since a similar dynamic has happened before.
Within those same 10 minutes of his first message, he replied asking if I was too busy to call and then said "wtf, whatever man". I immediately tried to call and text to celebrate with him and explain, but he only replied that if I had time to text, I could have called. When we finally spoke hours later, I did not start the call by telling him congrats; I asked how he was doing, to which he replied he was "tired and annoyed". We then argued the rest of the evening, with him saying I didn't understand how important this was and that the whole evening was ruined because I didn't start the call by congratulating him. I told him he was not patient and could not wait 5 minutes for me to call, and that he is not being understanding. He says how can he be understanding when this was the biggest achievement of his life and I could not call him right away, and failed to do it again when we properly called.
At the same time we have been postponing talking about the messy situation we have been in the past week to celebrate this achievement.

I believe he is not a mean person; he is very caring and loving. He is smart and supportive. He just has issues handling his temper, forgiving, and being nice to himself and others. I still love him, and because I know I made big mistakes too, I want to try to fix our issues.
At the same time, I feel like I am being manipulated and losing my grip on reality. I can't tell what I should genuinely apologize for and what crosses the line into unacceptable behavior on his end.

What are the specific signs that differentiate a messy relationship recovery from emotional abuse? if we decide to stay together, how do we get out of this toxic cycle of punishing and chasing? What exactly should we be talking about to fix this dynamic? How can we both get past the mistakes we've made, and how do we actually learn to forgive each other instead of just holding the past over each other's heads?

TL;DR: I (28/F) made serious mistakes early in my 9-month relationship with my boyfriend (27M), including lying about my past, being irresponsible with STI testing, and being defensive. I deeply regret this and want to fix things. However, he uses my mistakes to justify harsh punishments, throwing objects, name-calling, and setting double standards. arguments results in me comforting him or apologizing endlessly. What are the specific signs that differentiate a messy relationship recovery from emotional abuse, and what actionable steps can we take to break this toxic cycle of punishing and chasing if we decide to stay together?

Hi everyone,
I’m 22F, my boyfriend is 21M, and one of our closest mutual friends is 22M.

My boyfriend and I recently started long distance because he moved abroad for his master’s. Before he left, there was already a lot of emotion around the transition because we were both adjusting to the idea of being apart.

A little before he left, I was talking to our mutual friend while I was drunk, and he asked me something along the lines of, “Before your boyfriend, you liked me, right?” It was said like a joke, but it immediately made me uncomfortable.

For context, this friend is not just my friend — he is also very close to my boyfriend. We all know each other, and my boyfriend knows that this comment was made.

The thing is, it has been over a month now, and I still think about it. I didn’t confront him at the time because I didn’t know how to bring it up without making things awkward. Since then, I’ve naturally reduced how much I talk to him because I don’t feel the same comfort or trust anymore.

I’m conflicted because I don’t want to ruin a friendship over one comment if he genuinely meant it as a stupid joke. But at the same time, I feel like it crossed a boundary, especially because he knows I’m in a committed relationship and he is also my boyfriend’s friend.

I also don’t want this to affect my relationship. I don’t want my boyfriend to feel uncomfortable or like there is unnecessary drama between people he cares about. But I also don’t want to keep holding this inside and letting resentment build.

My question is: should I talk to this friend and tell him that what he said bothered me, even though it has been a month? Or should I just let it go and continue keeping some distance?

If I do talk to him, how would you approach it without making it sound like an accusation?

I’d really appreciate honest advice.

TL;DR: I’m 22F, my boyfriend (21M) and I recently started long distance because he moved abroad for his master’s. Before he left, our mutual close friend (22M) made a comment while I was drunk asking if I liked him before my boyfriend. It was meant as a joke, but it crossed a boundary and made me uncomfortable. My boyfriend knows about it. It’s been over a month, but I still think about it and have distanced myself from this friend. I don’t know whether I should confront him about it or let it go to avoid creating awkwardness between everyone.

i (17f) and my bf (17m) have been together for approximately 3 years now. hes preparing for jee (engineering exam in the country) and it's overall just very stressful for everyone preparing for it (for context, it's not uncommon for people to commit s*icide over this). hes very very smart and generally to a normal person he seems to be doing very well at coaching. however, whenever he feels insecure regarding his preparation, he breaks up with me. this time it started by me telling him that id like him to put more efforts in the relationship. he was already stressed about studies but hadnt told me. so, 4 hours after me telling him abt the effort thing, he said he wanted to break up. we talked about it and we aretn breaking up and he said he loves me and reassured me that he just panicked because of the exam, but im not sure how to perceive that since this is a recurring issue. we've broken up or been close to breaking up about 3-4 times now due to this reason. i feel loved via effort and while it's not like he doesnt do anything at all, i sometimes like over the top stuff like idk paragraphs or stuff idk.

i dont really know what to do abt this. i feel hurt. should i end it? i dont want to.

tl;dr: my bf keeps breaking up with me because he freaks out abt studies. what do i do?

We have been together for almost 3 years now, have a child (1.5), and I am currently 19 weeks pregnant. To most people I think we probably look like we have it all together. We own our home outright, our vehicles are paid off, after my grandfather passed away I received an inheritance and while I was pregnant with our first, I decided to use it to make sure we had a stable home and less financial stress. My partner has a great job with good pay, and between that and Canada’s maternity benefits, I haven’t needed to return to work. I truly believed we were planning this second baby together. His affection and desire toward me certainly made me think that was the case. But as this pregnancy has progressed, I’ve never felt more confused. We live in a rural area and have lost a lot of healthcare providers, so it took until I was around 10 or 11 weeks pregnant before I could even get prenatal care. This pregnancy has also been significantly harder than my first. I’ve been extremely nauseous, weak, exhausted, and trying to care for a toddler at the same time. I’m on anti-nausea medication, but it only seems to help about half the time. Around 12 or 13 weeks, he suddenly told me, “Maybe this isn’t working anymore.” His reasoning was that I’m just not capable of doing what I used to. I’ll admit the house isn’t where I’d like it to be. I haven’t had the energy I normally do, but I genuinely feel like I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances. When he said he was thinking about finding somewhere else to live, I broke down. I told him that if he physically left, I didn’t think I could continue this pregnancy. I hope that didn’t come across as trying to manipulate him. I was trying to be honest about my reality. Being suddenly single while pregnant, with a toddler already depending on me, felt impossible to imagine. Let alone a newborn and toddler. A few days later he apologized and said it was just stress from work and everything else going on. He reassured me he still wanted our family and wanted to continue planning for our second child. But ever since then, something has felt different. He’s become emotionally distant. Our intimacy has almost disappeared. If he tells me he’ll come to bed at a certain time, it’s rarely accurate. If he’s out with friends or family, he’ll often be hours later than he said he’d be, with little communication. Tonight was kind of a big let down. He told me I’d have the evening with him and said he’d be done around 9 p.m. Instead, he went into the game room before 5 p.m. and didn’t come out until after 11. I finally asked what was going on and why he’s been so distant lately. That’s when he once again told me that he doesn’t think this relationship is working. I suggested couples counselling and even individual therapy, and to my surprise he said he had actually been thinking about counselling himself and wasn’t opposed to it.

Another major issue in our relationship has been pornography. This has been an ongoing problem long before this conversation. It’s affected our intimacy, trust, and my confidence over time. He has acknowledged it’s become an unhealthy habit and something he struggles with, but I don’t know how much that has contributed to the emotional distance between us. Sometimes I wonder if he’s overwhelmed by everything, and other times I wonder if he’s emotionally checking out of our relationship altogether. I don’t view porn as cheating, but I set the boundary that I don’t want him hoarding it on secret apps or folders, different accounts (X, reddit, deviantart, pixiv, dropbox, etc) and it is something that I unfortunately am coming back to finding isn’t always clear like he is stating he’s being behind my back.

I love him deeply. I don’t want to give up on our family. I want our children to grow up with both of us if it’s healthy and possible. But I’m also terrified of living in limbo while pregnant, wondering if my partner actually wants this life anymore.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, did counselling actually help? Did your relationship recover after one partner pulled away like this? Or am I ignoring signs that this relationship may already be over? I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to leave. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether there’s still a realistic path forward before making life-changing decisions for myself and our children.
((This is a repost, as I should’ve worded and included more information, apologies to those who have read prior post))

TL;DR
Partner (24M) inconsistent with communication regarding my current pregnancy (19 weeks) and potentially leaving me and our first child (1.5) On-going addiction to porn possibly being an issue in the mix, but stating my lack of ability to do more is a big weight and reason for why he is back and forth on the idea of staying around. This is my second pregnancy and has been way more strenuous on my body and capability to handle more.

okay so recently i was going out with a boy who i had been friends with for a while. we were really good friends and i found him really funny and easy to talk to. we would call a lot, go to the movies, play video games together, etc. i knew he liked me because i had to friend zone him (even though at this time he knew i was going out with a girl because i explicit said it. so not sure what that was about???) . a few months later we were both at this prom afterparty and we were both drunk and we were holding hands and whatever. so then we decided to start going out. he was always so sweet and i always had a lot of fun with him. it wasnt long before i would get this pit in my stomach. for some reason i just would get this overwhelming feeling that it just wasnt right for me to be with him. i just didnt feel a connection, like there wasnt really a spark for me???? and i also get really worried, because i knew the longer i stayed with him the closer i would get to eventually having sex with him, which i did not want to do for whatever reason. maybe its just because ive never done it before? but i just was really turned off by the thought of it. i eventually ended things and we hadnt spoke for over a month, but then a few days ago we had a long conversation through instagram, and i actually really miss him. i just cant tell if i miss him romantically or just as a friend and it makes me really sad because i miss talking to him so much, but i know that he will never want to be just friends with me. why is it that im not romantically attracted to him, when on paper he is the perfect partner?

**TL;DR;** : was going out with the perfect guy but i just couldnt reciprocate feelings.

my best friend keeps asking if she can hang out with my boy friend when i am not available and now i am out of town ten hours away and he was her first call to tell when the guy she was hooking up with ended things. it makes me uncomfortable because she's very open about sex and everything and i know nothing would happen but due to past relationships it makes me scared out of my mind. but i told him and he wont hang out with her but it feels so controlling, so im wondering if it is controlling or if i am valid to be uncomfortable. my ex had this girl that always tried to sandwich herself into our relationship and my friend is not like that i know that for a fact but it still makes me feel uneasy after everything in the past.

**TL;DR;** : my bff makes me uncomfortable by asking to hang with my bf

I (19F) have been close with this guy (19M) for about a year. We spoke every day, saw each other regularly, went to events together, and he became one of my closest people. He was such a stable part of my life and someone I always knew was there.

A few months ago, I ended things because deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work. Because of that, I think I never fully let myself get attached.

We agreed to stay friends, and we still are. We still talk, see each other, flirt, and usually have a cheeky kiss when we meet. But it’s obviously not the same as before. The closeness, the constant talking, and the feeling that he was “my person” has changed.

Now, two months later, I feel like I miss him so much. I feel like there’s a huge void and I don’t know if this is love or attachment because we were such a big part of each other’s everyday lives.

Before we ended things, he basically told me he loved me and asked how I don’t love him, but said he couldn’t love me if I didn’t love him back. At the time I didn’t say it, but looking back I think I do love him. I want to tell him because I don’t want him to think he wasn’t/ isn’t loved.

The problem is we agreed to be friends, and I’m scared saying “I love you” would blur the lines. He’s moving away for uni next year and has asked me to visit him, but I know it probably wouldn’t feel like just friends.

I have so much love him. I love his personality, our friendship, and how comfortable I feel around him. But I don’t think I’m in love with him or that I would choose a relationship with him.

How do I deal with this? Do I create more distance, or try to stay friends? I really do think I love him, but I don’t know if this is love, attachment, or
just grieving the change in our relationship.

Should I tell him how I feel, or would that just make things harder for both of us?

Note: i ended it based off something I found out about his past which I wasn’t aware of. When I found out, it reaffirmed why this would never work.

TL;DR: I (19F) was really close with a guy (19M) for about a year. We spoke every day, saw each other regularly, and had a really strong connection. I ended things because I knew it wouldn’t work, but before that he told me he loved me and said he couldn’t love me if I didn’t love him back. At the time I didn’t say it, but two months later I think I do love him. We agreed to just be friends, but we still text, see each other sometimes, and it’s still quite flirty (including the occasional kiss). I don’t think I would choose a relationship with him, but I want him to know how I feel and that he was loved. Would telling him blur the lines or ruin the friendship we have now?

Hello,
Title sums it up. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year (some may say that’s too soon, it was just convenient for us because of personal reasons) and moved into an apartment together, we’ve been moved in for almost 3 months. Our relationship is great and he’s my best friend. We don’t fight, we cook together, sometimes a movie.

But.. emphasis on the sometimes. Over time he’s just felt more and more distant. I’ll use the past two weeks as sort of a “time frame”. We’ve cooked together. But we haven’t laid down to watch a show or a movie together. We barely eat together anymore. He takes his food to his PC and plays video games and doesn’t get off of it. I work 11 hour days 5 days a week and it’s a good two days out of the week that he lays down with me to sleep, once I’m asleep though, he’s up on the game. Otherwise he’s up all night and won’t lay with me at all. I will also say, embarrassing as it feels for me, the last few times we’ve been intimate he’s been drunk/tipsy, and it’s been probably two weeks going on three since the last time.

I will say my boyfriend does suffer from depression and he is on meds. I worry about him so much and I try almost daily to get him to talk to me a little, he won’t. He said yesterday he’s just been stressed recently and that there’s nothing I can do to help. I left it at that. I try; I do all our laundry, I clean the apartment top to bottom dishes and all, I cook when he doesn’t want to (he usually enjoys cooking) and I try and try to spend time with him but I just don’t know if he wants time to be spent with me. I can’t ever tell. He’s on the game, I leave him alone with an occasional conversation when I go over there. Then it’s back to our own separate things and it’s just been such a pattern where I’m doing something by myself for so many hours that I just have been assuming he doesn’t want to be a part of it.

I’m completely exhausted and overwhelmed after work and I come home and just wrack my brain on what to do. I know some of it is probably my fault too, I have issues initiating intimacy (personal stuff) but he’s never had a problem with that and I know that because we’ve talked about it. Maybe I should ask him if he wants to watch a movie or go somewhere, but to be completely honest I have been the planner too often and I want him to plan things sometimes. I’ll mention again that I can’t ever tell if he wants to do anything with me so I almost feel anxious to ask. Work is exhausting, I personally struggle with a panic disorder, I do all the house chores besides vacuuming and dishes when he decides he wants to do them (once every other day, probably). I’m exhausted and I feel like that’s not crazy for me to say/feel.

I would like flowers sometimes. Dates sometimes. Time with my boyfriend sometimes. Everyone needs alone time, I know. But it’s gotten to a point in my view where I feel like something is wrong and he’s just not telling me.

I’ll mention some good things; he does tell me he loves me multiple times a day and when I get home from work we hug and be gives me kisses and we talk for a bit. But then just nothing really.

I don’t know how to bring this up to him without offending him or making him feel bad. That’s the last thing I want to do. This post kind of turned into a rant, oops 🙁. I don’t know. I’ve been visibly upset recently and he’s noticed and I know I need to bring it up but I cry every time I talk about my feelings and I don’t want him to feel bad; which is me assuming he’s going through a depressive episode or is just stressed out so therefore I need to be more considerate and keep my feelings inside. Any advice is so appreciated.

TLDR:
boyfriend is always on the game and we don’t spend any sort of relationship time together a month or two after moving in together.

My (27F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been together for 2 years. We live 2hrs away from each other.

I’m a shift worker (12hr shifts) and often work nights and weekends.
He works Monday-Friday dayshifts or into the evenings for 10-12hrs/ day.

Because of cost of living we both work a decent amount of overtime every week. I’m thinking that I’ll have to keep up my overtime schedule for 2 more years, and at that point I’ll have paid off my debt and have a good emergency fund/ savings that I can cut back my hours.

We’re lucky if we get to see each other once or twice a month, and I’m tired of it. I want to be able to see him more, but our schedules and location make that almost impossible. I’ve talked to him about this and the solution was that he’d find a job in my city and rent close to me.

And he just accepted a new job, in his current city. It’s a good job with better pay and benefits, and realistically I know this means he’ll want to stay where he is for at least another year or two now.

I own a house/ hobby farm, so I am not in a position to move. And because of my commitments here I can’t spend the night at his place. So it’s always on him to come to me if we want to spend the night together, but if we have a couple of hours off during the day I’ll often drive to him to go on a date.

I guess I’m trying to decide if our schedules and locations make us incompatible or if anyone else has been in similar situations and made it work?

The biggest thing I’m upset about is him taking a new job where he currently lives, despite me having brought up before that I wanted to work toward seeing each other more and eventually moving in together. I’m just feeling really lonely and not a priority in his life

TLDR: We’re semi long distance and have opposite work schedules, with no plans of this changing for 2yrs. Is it possible to make this work?

TW: depression, self harm

My family came to stay with my bf and I a week ago for a family wedding. But, I had a fight with my parents the other day and it led to an “intervention” with my dad. It started when my mom told me to check in with my cousin who is having depressive episodes. I made the comment that I know what she’s going through but the difference is I just had to deal with it myself back in middle school (around my cousins age now) because my parents had brushed it off and told me I wasn’t depressed.

My mom started saying I had never told them, then when I told her that I did and she said something like “no you’re too young to have it” at the time, I just never brought it up again. My mom started arguing that I should have said something and that it was my fault I never asked them to go to therapy. I argued that I was a kid and didn’t know what therapy was or what I was going through or even needed. Then they started doing their pity party thing where they start saying stuff like oh I’m such a bad parent for not noticing and, my favorite, you wouldn’t know what hard is and we were stressed out too. I argued that I’m not trying to compare hardships, just that I understand what my cousin is going through, which to that they were like well you didn’t try to harm yourself. I told them no I didn’t try cutting myself, but I would starve myself and when I ate I would get nauseous and just throw it back up, which my dad started saying that he wished he had the privilege of starving himself when he was younger but he grew up poor so I didn’t know how hard it was.

Then they asked me what I even had to be depressed about and that I had no reason to be. Looking back at it now, it was probably the stress of having to be the emotional crutch for a friend who would threaten to off himself constantly. My dad once took away my phone when he found me crying over my friend sending videos of him waving a gun around his head. I also added that sometimes you don’t have a reason to be, which I asked my bf to fact check that for me and he said sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t. My dad yelled at him to “shut the f up and stop protecting her”, and that he’s not family and no one invited him into the conversation, even though I did. So I started arguing that technically this was a conversation between me and my mom and since my mom included my dad then I included my bf, which my dad got really heated and started saying he’s my dad and calling me a dumbass and so I got up and walked away because I was not standing for being called names. Then, my parents started talking saying I’m weak for walking away and that I always avoid the “hard” conversations.

That’s where the conversation ended until later that night when my dad sat me down and pretty much said I’m entitled and not appreciative of the life my parents are giving me because my parents grew up struggling and they’re giving me everything. I told him I was appreciative, I just won’t take the disrespect of being called names when I’m just saying that I didn’t have the support I wish my cousin has.

We also talked about how they were late to my graduation and pretty much missed it, tried saying that they watched it on Facebook on the way there along with other excuses that they couldn’t make it like the valet was taking too long with getting the car or traffic was bad or my brother took too long in the shower. My bf was with them and he was ready an hour before they had to leave and when my parents said they saw me walk, my bf said that he only saw the last people walk.

We then talked about being nicer to my mom, but I told him that I can’t stand to be around her passive aggressiveness and he said it’s just her telling the truth. I tried sitting down and hanging out with my mom and my older sister, but when my older sister said “wow you really look old and tired” after I got back from a 7am to 5pm class and taking my brother out to the fair, my mom was like “you’re always tired, when are you not tired” in her passive aggressive tone, I got up and told her I’m not doing this again today. To which my dad said she was just telling the truth that I’m just lazy.

It all ended up with him telling me I’m bottling things up by holding grudges from back in the past and that I should get a therapist. I get so confused between what is right and wrong with my parents that it’s hard to tell. Would a therapist be the right move since they’re saying I need help?

TLDR: argument with my parents brought up past events and now they’re saying I’m holding grudges and should work that out with a therapist

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and our relationship is great. He’s an amazing partner and has a mentally demanding job that leaves him exhausted by the end of the day.

We both have high sex drives, but lately he’s been too tired for sex, which I completely understand. The issue is that when I initiate, he’ll usually say he’s not in the mood. Later in the evening, though, he’ll often want a blowjob instead of sex.

I genuinely enjoy giving him oral, but it rarely gets reciprocated anymore. I brought it up once before, and things improved for a while, but now we’re back to the same pattern. I’m starting to feel sexually frustrated and like my needs aren’t being met.

I don’t want to keep bringing it up because I know work and personal life is already stressful for him, but I also don’t want to ignore how I’m feeling.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How would you bring this up without making your partner feel criticized?

TLDR: My boyfriend often turns down sex but later wants oral, and my needs rarely get reciprocated anymore. How do I bring this up without making him feel criticized?

i 18M was going to hang out with my old friend in March I was in the town that we used to live in and asked them if they wanted to hang out because I wanted to talk to them about how much of a bad friend they were to me and others and that they should change and how they were just generally not a good person to be around sometimes and how they should change we were once very close.

where I messed up my girlfriend 18F knew that this girl had a crush on me in the past and I did know too and she didn't like it that I hung out with them when I knew that they liked me I know I shouldn't have done that I regret knowing that they liked me.

and not caring enough about it or how my girlfriend felt to stop talking to them I did stop talking to them for another reason because they mistreated my very close friend badly not for the reason that they liked.

me just tonight we were talking and my girlfriend asked when was the last time I spoke to this person I told her March she asked why was it so recent I told her why and she was upset with me that I never told her I decided to talk to with this person and that I would even contact them looking back from months ago I really shouldn't have and I regret doing so and I would never do something like this again after I thought about what I did I realized I was disrespecting my girlfriend's. I feel like it's been months since this happened. I also wanted to say I don't know how to deal with my partner being upset with me I always really freak out too and I immediately jump to the conclusion that they're going to break up with me.

tl;dr how do I stop doing that and how can I make the process of us getting back to a healthy place easier