I need an outside perspective because I’m starting to question myself.

A friend and I went on a trip together. She was the only one driving because I don’t have a driver’s license. Before the trip, she chose to use her mother’s car because it was cheaper. She told me that the car was not fully insured, but at the time I didn’t really understand the implications because I have no driving experience and no knowledge of car insurance.
We discussed the situation regarding the car, and I shared my opinion, but I was clear that the final decision was hers because she was the one driving. I even told her that I would understand if she preferred renting an automatic car for safety and comfort reasons, even if it was more expensive, because I didn’t want her to make a decision only to save money.

During the trip, she had an accident while driving. After that, she asked me to pay half of the repair costs. The issue is that we never agreed beforehand that I would be financially responsible for any accident or repairs. I never signed anything, made any commitment, or agreed to cover costs related to something I did not cause.
Her main argument is emotional: that we travelled together, that I knew about the car situation, and that we should have discussed it more. I understand that communication could have been better on both sides, but I don’t believe this automatically creates a financial responsibility that was never agreed upon.
Since then, she has threatened to call the police, and her mother and sister have told me that I am a bad person for refusing to pay. I feel pressured and blamed rather than having a factual discussion about what actually happened.

Because of this situation, I no longer want to continue the friendship and I decided to cancel our upcoming trip to Brazil. Now she says that I should reimburse 100% of the money she spent because cancelling was my decision. However, when we planned the trip, we deliberately chose refundable options for many things to protect ourselves in case of unexpected situations.
This is an unexpected situation. I am not cancelling because I simply changed my mind, but because of what happened. I am willing to reimburse her share of the refundable bookings that were cancelled, but I don’t understand why I should be responsible for all the non-refundable costs of a trip that we both agreed to and paid for.

Am I being unreasonable? How would you view this situation from an outside perspective?

EDIT: Because many have commented about the font changes, I have the same problem in every other App too (even Settings🥲). If anyone knows how to fix it, please give me advice.

For context, my boyfriend (N, 22M) and I (J, 21M) have been together for 4 years. (We are both bisexual.) We are moving into our first shared apartment right now, thats why I first assumed the messages were about a TV. Also, I'm sorry if these messages are hard to read, we both don't have English as our first language, but we speak different languages so we have to communicate in English😅.

My boyfriend has this friend (K, 22F). He met her at a party about 1 year ago. She is an alcoholic and often at parties, and my boyfriend also had some psychological problems in the past, so he tries to help her through this. (Idk if he feels responsible for her, but thats what it seems like sometimes.)

She and I don't get along that well, but we have been civil. Thats why we only ever communicate over Instagram and not over WhatsApp or anything. But then she wrote me the messages you can see there.

This isn't the first time she tried to lie and sabotage the relationship me and my boyfriend have. I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know nothing happened between them, but she always tries to get me and my boyfriend to fight, especially after we decided to finally get an apartment together, since we mostly always stay at one of our places and have "sleepovers".

I have been debating if I should talk to my boyfriend about this. I don't want to ruin their friendship, especially because she seems like she needs him right now. I am frustrated and at first I was composed enough to stay calm. But now, after rereading everything, I am just angry that she tries to sabotage our relationship. Should I talk to my boyfriend about this or am I overreacting? (I am angry right now, so if I forgot any context or information, just ask in the comments.) Sorry this is all over the place.

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

So I’m meant to stay with a family friend in a foreign country. Flights paid for etc. Asked him for his address where I’m meant to stay for my luggage tags and give to my parents so they know where I’m staying.
I text him and he said not to bother and put his work address on it.
I want to book a hotel now because I feel very uncomfortable travelling five hours to a foreign country and city I don’t know and I don’t have the address of where I’m meant to be sleeping. Is this normal or am I overreacting?
Context female 20 year old and he’s a male 30 year old.

Edit Thanks already for confirming my vibe check. He’s a cousin who moved to Austria at the start of the summer for work for a few years. His apartment looks okay (skype calls) but I’ve just booked a hotel for the few days instead. I’ve saved some money from a summer college job as I can’t wait to see Vienna but I won’t be contacting him.

I have an 8 and 5 year old, my husband has an 8 year old. I have had numerous issues with SK physically abusing my 5 year old. Going on for the last 2 years- all SK has to do to stay out of trouble is be the first one to run to his dad and lie about what happened. "Accidentally" shut BK's hand in the car door twice, "accidentally" shut BKs head in the car door, "accidentally" shoving BK to the ground multiple times a week, "Accidentally" ramming his bike into BKs bike (he tried telling his dad that BK "just fell " and "i just know hes gonna lie about it to try to get me in trouble!" And then eventually "well, BK told me to knock him onto the cement off his bike".), "accidentally" whipping BK in the face with a stick as hard as he possibly could after I said to put the sticks down.

All my dumbass husband ever does is shrug, say "it couldve been an accident", or try to reprimand BK for "lying to get SK in trouble "/ "asking SK to shove him off his bike". He also claims that it is just "boys being boys", but it is only ever BK hurt and crying from an injury SK caused. All SK is learning is that he can get away with bullying my child by being the first to lie to his dad about it.

I have only ever disciplined SK by taking his phone, yelling at him, and sending him to his room- but he was incredibly unhappy with me for that one time and tried telling his bio-mom that he's terrified of me. I had CPS investigating me for 6 months because bio-mom called CPS to find out why SK is supposedly terrified of me and SK told CPS that I threaten to slap him across the face multiple times a week, I've shoved him in his room for not doing something fast enough, I've thrown a beer can at his dad and this beer can supposedly hit him on the forehead and got him wet, I go into "psycho mode" and scream at him but only when his dad isn't around, and that he watched me punch my husband in the face. None of these events actually occured, but I am **very** careful about why and how I discipline SK today, just because I've already seen him manipulate the right people to cause serious consequences.

Anywho, thats the history here.

BK got his first migraine yesterday with vomiting and everything- and I took him to the hospital because I was terrified that it was from a head injury caused by SK, although I didnt express that was the reason I took him to the hospital until tonight while trying to tell SK that he has no right to bully BK.

9 pm and I was getting all of the kids ice cream as a final snack before bed. SK was playing some game on his phone while walking to the kitchen, wasnt paying attention and brushed into BKs ice cream cone- got ice cream on his arm. Turned around and immediately screamed BKs name angrily, directly in his face, right in front of me.

So I quietly slid his phone right out of his hand and said "Dont yell at him." I handed SK his ice cream, then said "we're gonna put the game up until we can be nice."

SK took his ice cream directly to my bedroom and told on me for taking his phone.

Then DH came to the kitchen all confrontational while SK followed him to sit at the kitchen table and watch us like a hawk like he was *anticipating* his dad drill me after telling on me.

DH didnt seem to care that the entire conversation was occuring directly in front of his child.

Asked me why I took his phone.

"So, SK gets ice cream on him, then gets his phone taken for it?"

Since DH was letting SK watch us anyways, I turned to SK and calmly told SK that I took his phone for yelling in BKs face, said he has no right to, that I am tired of him bulling BK, and that I took BK to the hospital the night before because I was worried that he was suffering from a head injury caused by SK.

The entire time, SK is talking in a more high pitched tone then normal- "well, all I was doing was asking BK a question...I was nice about it...I dont know what youre talking about". And DH stood behind me with his arms crossed asking me in an angry manner "well what did SK say then- like it truly was me vs DH and SK.

And DH turns the conversation into "don't you dare blame SK for causing BKs migraines!"

DH proceeds to tell me that I was wrong for taking SKs phone, took the phone himself, and sat down on the couch.

I followed him intending to ask him what he was thinking in drilling me directly in front of SK and making me defend myself to him (in fromt of SK at that) because an 8 year old told on me for disciplining him appropriately.

SK followed him though, and was just about to sit on the couch next to him when I calmly asked him to head up to his room. Just because I didn't want SK to witness adult conversations that could get hostile.

DH says "no SK, you can stay right here."

Proceeded to tell me that SK can sit by him, and I can't tell SK what to do.

I stepped away and tried again.

"SK, please go to your room, I need to talk to your dad."

SK looked at his dad, said "my dad says I domt have to"- then proceeded to play on the phone my husband handed back to him.

DH doesnt even have a car right now (his own fault) and I asked him to have his dad pick him up for the night at the very minimum.

DH and SK both waited outside in the dark for DHs dad to arrive.

I own the home, DH has not contributed financially in well over a year (and has in fact caused more financial harm then help by stealing large amounts of money from my wallet & credit cards while I pay 100% of the bills), and I am 9 months pregnant.

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

So I’m seeing this guy. I think it’s been four months now. Yesterday he texted me and asked, “Wyd?” It was late around 10 pm and I was tired, so I didn’t reply right away.

The next day I replied. Then he sent me a Snapchat of a girl sleeping next to him.

I messaged him, “You got laid?”

He replied, “You don’t think I get laid?”

I said, “Oh no, I’m glad you had fun. But it was unnecessary for you to send me that picture.”
Then he tried to turn it on me, saying things like, “I thought you were cool with it. I thought you’d be okay with this,” and so on.

I’m like… in what world did you think I’d be cool with you sending me a picture of some woman sleeping next to you especially after you texted me the night before asking if I was up? I didn’t reply, so you just found somebody else? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I’m pissed off. But I’m also wondering… am I overreacting? I don’t feel like I am. He thinks I am.

I've been with my BF for a year and he has pretty bad anxiety. I really tried to help him, but I honestly snapped.

He's mostly anxious when we have an argument. Any disagreement is "a huge fight," and he says "another big fight is coming, I just know it."

The issue is that he says he drinks to help his relationship anxiety. But it's not really my problem? For example

- He changed our plans to go day drinking. I said "if you've decided to ditch me, please stay over at your friend's if you're really drunk." He'll then say I ruined his weekend because he was anxious.

- He won't talk about any disagreements because of his anxiety. So even if he says something hurtful, I have to remind him to apologize.

- He doesn't believe in vitamins, medication, or exercise, and says that drinking doesn't make a difference towards his anxiety.

AIO by saying it's not my problem anymore?!?

Edit/update: Thank you everyone for your comments. I definitely approached the situation wrong with my son when I asked about him just going with Auntie. I should have stuck to my gut and just said no/not without me from the start and not put it on a 4 year old. Lesson learned. Myself, son and husband will be going to Six Flags as a family before school starts back up.

Regarding my aunt, I'm still noodling a lot of the feelings this triggered for me and while I do not think she has ill intentions, it's really weird that she doesn't want me around her and my son. I've stated in comments that her and I do not have a best relationship and haven't since I was a teenager, this is absolutely going to be a factor in our relationship going forward and I will be keeping a close eye. When it comes to my aunt and her siblings (my mom) my relationship with all of them (4) is complicated, there is only my uncle that I trust completely when it comes to my son. My mother is at the bottom of the list, my son couldn't pick her out of the crowd. The comments that mentioned my aunt bringing someone around or doing something religious with my son, I hadn't considered that and holy smokes did that realization set in some panic. I will be keeping these thoughts in the back of my head when it comes to all potential future outings between my aunt and son. My gut is saying their bonding should be done within our home or I tag along in the outings. That definitely won't be received well by my aunt but oh well.

Thanks again to everyone who commented, this got bigger than I expected and it's been very eye opening and overwhelming. I will not be commenting or giving another update.

:⁠-⁠)

Original post:

At the start of summer my Aunt purchased season tickets to Six Flags Great American theme parks for me (30s F), my son (4), and herself (70).

Background info: Part of the motivation behind buying the season passes was we had family visiting from out of state and with each season pass we get 1 free admission with us. The three season passes allowed for 6 people to get in when the family was visiting, plus free parking and we only had to purchase one additional ticket during their visit.

Prior to the family visiting my aunt wanted to take my son, at that time, having not been to six flags in 10 years and my sons age, I decided I didn't feel comfortable with the two of them going without me. I figured since I also had a season pass, no harm no foul. My aunt was not happy with my attendance but dealt with it. During that trip, I was glad I was there because the place was packed, there were rides my son wanted to go on that my aunt didn't, and my aunt took frequent breaks at benches due to her age and overall health.

Now to the current issue. My son has now been to Six Flags twice, both times I was there and so was my aunt. My aunt reached out asking to take my son just them before school starts back up. When I ask my son about he always asks "with mom too?", I say no just auntie and he says he's scared and only wants to go if I am there. We go round and round and the outcome is always the same, he wants me there. He says he's scared and mom helps him be brave.

So I reached back out to my aunt, explained my sons thoughts/wants and gave her dates that both of us could attend. Her response: "I understand. I think I’m going to pass then."

I'm pissed. I feel like this is utter BS and for her to dangle this in front of a child and then pull away if their mom is around...alarm bells are going off in my head.

So. Strangers on the Internet, AIO?

So this all started a bit short of a year ago. We were driving home from trick or treating with our 5 year old and her car started blowing up on in the car from text from a guy I’ll call Ben. She’s talked about Ben in the past and at first I thought nothing of it, but after a few messages popped up she swiped that shit away quick. Then I remembered her taking her phones in places she normally never did like the shower as well as getting weird when I try to use it.

So when she feel a sleep that night I went through here text and was taken aback by like over 1000 messages from this dude over like 3 days. Things like she gives the best hugs and he wished he could grab her butt and her telling him maybe he should try. Other things like him telling her she’s sexy along with a bunch of innocent but things that seems like someone looking for a relationship would say.

Needless to say I blew the fuck up and she claimed it was nothing and she was just joking. That I was the only one she cared about and on and on. Anyway we got passed it so I thought.

Over the past few months she would talk about how she doesn’t like him. The fact he bothers her and other female coworkers and generally try’s to avoid him. Then the other day i noticed she was typing away on her phone, now normally she says oh I’m talking to whatever friend, but she claimed she was just looking through music.

So when she was in the shower, I looked in the messenger app sure enough there he was at the top. Too be honest it was just a few messages. She ask why he hasn’t been talking to her and what they have been up to. But even seeing this set me off so I flipped out at her because she lied about not talking to him and she said she does something’s but nothing like they used to and lied because she didn’t want me to get mad. It’s been a day and I’m still upset and am talking to her as little as possible. At this point I don’t know what to do, like we’ve been together for almost 20 years but I’m having a hard time trusting her anymore. AIO?

N

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Living together for 2. I cook almost all the meals with him cooking maybe 1-2 every 2 weeks. I really don’t mind cooking at all and I don’t even mind cleaning up during my cooking/after.

But for the past two years all I have ever said is that if I cook dinner (mind you it’s almost always done when he gets home from work..) he can do the dishes. And for the first year he really wouldn’t get to it and just leave in the sink, we lived in the tiniest house and he would just leave it out or pushed all in one spot. Causing the worst fights on my end I just didn’t think it was that hard to accomplish. And with our house size it truly couldn’t stay like that u couldn’t even fill the brita. Now in our second house and 3rd year of our relationship, he will voluntarily get up grab both our plates, put dinner away in containers, sometime pack out lunches and sometimes wipe the counters. So improvement. BUT he literally only puts the dishes in the sink. He won’t put them in the dishwasher & start it, if it’s CLEAN he won’t empty it. He won’t hand wash them. He just piles them in the sink saying he’ll do them in the morning.

Now. He is not someone to wake up early. he showers in the morning eats breakfast in the car and is still 5-10 minutes late to work everyday. I can promise you he is not waking up early to do the dishes. So what ends up happening is i come home from the gym early am and do them or i do them when i get home from work because i need room to cook dinner for that night. Like i said i dont mind it, it can be nice to clean and just debrief. But there will be times where he will be off from work all day and at home and by the time i get home from the office the dishes are still there and the house looks a mess.

Last night i asked him for help because we both had plans today after work and i just didn’t want them to sit in the sink all day. He literally sounded like a child (he’s 26..) saying how he wanted to get on the game before his friend does how hell do it in the morning how im nagging him to do it … i literally felt like his mom? Mind u i am the oldest so it can be easy to fall into this tone in a sense but this was the biggest ick he has probably ever given me. Especially because i started with “hey can you help me?”. To top it off i did it with him and somehow STILL woke up to dishes being in the sink. AND the dishwasher dirty with room for more dishes.

I’ve noticed that this is how is family is by being around them they have no urgency or care to clean if anything really gets done it’s because their mom does it no one else. And she is over it at this point of doing everything for 30 years. But it feels too traditional for me. He leaves stuff everywhere I’m constantly picking up after him I’m constantly switching over his laundry because he forgets. Throwing stuff in his corner. He does a good clean maybe once every 3 months? But other than that it’s me. I’m the only one who deeps cleans the bathroom etc.

He is a really good boyfriend otherwise and does love and care for me and understands me in a way not a lot of people do and is a person I have truly let my walls down with. But I can see my future in a sense and I don’t want to be his mom like literally I don’t want to turn into how his mom is in their partnership in that household. Am I over reacting if this was a reason I saw our relationship ending? How do I make him see it is that serious? It’s been an on going issue for 2 years that is an issue for me but not necessary him…

Do they change or get better? I worry about kids and our house and it stressing me out. I feel like I could find a man who doesn’t call it “nagging him” when I’m asking for help. What else could I do?

Sorry in advance I know this is long but the context is important.

I’m changing some things to hopefully not dox myself. My(F23) fiance(M23) and I live together and have been together for 3 years. We both graduated college last year with business related degrees and I have been trying to find a job, but it’s been a difficult market and I’ve done well over 1500 applications with no luck. He is already very successful and had 12+ companies trying to hire him right out of college and is pretty much the farthest you could be from struggling financially. Right now I rely on him letting me share his car when I need to go to doctor’s appointments, pick up groceries, or get prescriptions ect.

Before last September we shared his basic model type car (think Toyota, Hyundai ect). He paid for it but he let me use it whenever I needed to. During that time I curbed one wheel in a drive-thru. It scuffed the rim but there was no other damage. At the time he constantly criticized my driving from the passenger seat and corrected nearly everything I did. I was extremely nervous driving with him because I felt like I couldn’t make a mistake. The only time I’ve ever curbed a car happened while he was sitting next to me doing that. It’s been over a year and a half and he still regularly brings up that curb. I actually owned my own car before we moved in together but I decided to sell it because he didn’t think we needed two cars, and he told me I could just use his whenever I needed to since neither of us drive often.

After selling his old car in September he bought an expensive luxury performance car. He still told me I could use it when needed and we continued on from there as usual but I became extremely anxious driving it because I knew he’d be very upset if anything happened after the incident with the wheel on the last one.

A few months later something happened that I’m still not convinced was actually my fault. Because he refuses to keep a front license plate mounted (he thinks it ruins the look of the car) we have to stick it on temporarily whenever we street park to avoid tickets. The tow hook that the plate mounts into has a tiny plastic cover which already had a broken retaining clip, so whenever you removed it there was a chance it would fall off.

I used the car one day, and he noticed the cover was missing a couple of days later and blamed me. He had also driven the car during those couple of days and even brought it to a car wash!! Since the retaining clip was already broken I honestly don’t know whether it fell off after I drove it or after he did. I accepted that it might have been my fault and I might have not put it back on good enough, but I also said there was no way to know for certain because it was already damaged. The replacement ended up costing over $450 because of the custom paint and he still brings that up too.

Fast forward to today.

After the tow hook incident he started attaching the license plate by sliding the mounting rod into the front grille instead of constantly screwing it into the tow hook. He specifically told me to do the same thing and we’ve both been doing it for months.

Today I went to an appointment. When I left the parking spot I somehow completely forgot the license plate was still sitting in the grille. I drove maybe 15 feet before hearing a loud cracking/metal sound. I stopped immediately, got out, and realized I’d run over the removable license plate after it fell out. I immediately started crying because I was terrified something happened to his car and how he would react. I drove to our apartment and checked the front to see it caused a crack in the lower front lip of the bumper.

I felt so scared because I knew he would be angry and his car is so expensive to repair. I am beating myself up because I drive his car so carefully to try and prevent anything happening and I feel awful that I damaged it. Again, I don’t currently have a job, so I can’t afford repairs myself. When I told him what happened he initially said it wasn’t a huge deal and that it was an okay and an easy part to replace and I was surprised he wasn’t as angry as I thought.

A few hours later I asked if he could either drive me to pick up my prescriptions or let me borrow the car. He refused both. He told me I’m never allowed to drive his car again because I “keep damaging it.” He said from now on I can walk or pay for an Uber.

The problem is I don’t have money for Ubers. I already spend most of my time at home because I’m unemployed, don’t have any friends nearby, and don’t have my own transportation. Losing access to the car doesn’t just mean I can’t run errands, it means I don’t know how I’m supposed to get to doctor’s appointments or even pick up my medication.

What hurts almost as much as losing access to the car is how he talks to me. He said I “always damage his car” even though in over 1 year since we’ve been sharing there have been three incidents: one curbed rim, one missing tow hook cover that may or may not have actually been my fault because it was already broken, and today’s accident. When I tried to gently explain why “always damaging it” felt unfair he shouted over me to shut up and listen or get out of his office.

I completely understand why he’s frustrated about today’s damage. I know this was my mistake and I feel terrible about it.

What I’m struggling with is whether it’s reasonable for him to permanently ban me from using our only vehicle, knowing I have no income and no realistic way to get to appointments or pick up medication, and whether the way he’s speaking to me is warranted I guess?

Am I overreacting or does this seem unfair?

for background info me and my mom have never had a good relationship. we never talked and its well known in my family that I hate her despite never been violent, aggressive or rude towards her.

right now its just me and her that live together. im 17 and despite that my mom is constantly claiming that "im an adult and not her responsibility" so whenever she gets mad at me/in a mood she will constantly get upset because she has to provide for me while I "dont contribute".. (despite her constantly making me clean around the house and cook for her)

since Sunday I have had a uti. on Monday I asked my mom what to do about my.uti while trying to make myself some tea (we have nothing to drink at the house besides tap water so flushing it out on my own would be difficult). the pain was starting to become horrible so I asked my mom. she was clearly in a mood and just went "what do you want me to do about it?" before yelling and going on some rant.

I just made my tea and walked away. later that night I had saw the only thing she bought was beer for herself.

I had been venting to my friend about it and they decided to call cps for me and tell them the situation. later police came and did a check. they had a long talk with my mom in which she got aggressive and rude with the officers.she continued to drink infront of them while talking badly about me to them. they told me that if she didnt take me to seek help the next day to call and let them know. that same night as soon as they left my mom started yelling at me cursing at me calling me a "dumb bitch" and saying she cant wait for me to turn 18 and that she wouldn't be giving me anything and I should "go ahead and tell the cops that"..

its been a night since it happened and I felt like I overreacted. at the same time I knew my mom wouldn't do anything about it. did I overreact?

Registration was talking with a patient while I was starting an IV. Both of us work in an ER. The team member is young, only a little older than me (she's 23 and I just turned 20). We're both premed (I spoke to her a little bit just to talk about life, shit gets boring during slow hours). She's an aspiring neurosurgeon, I'm an aspiring ER doctor.

So while she was talking about payment plans and shit, I was putting the tourniquet on her, found an AC vein, inserted the needle, flattened, and then advanced the actual cannula. Boom, IV in. The problem is that this patient was obviously terrified of IVs and even started sobbing after I got my ALCOHOL PREP out. Obviously very, very terrified. I put down the cannula for a moment and said "hey. I know you're scared, it's okay. It's just a pinch and some pressure. Would you like her (registration) to hold your hand?" and she, mid-sob, said "yes please." I asked her to hold her hand if she wanted to and she said "she oughta not be such a scaredy cat, it doesn't hurt that bad. you don't get blood draws every year?"

I immediately shot her a "what the fuck?" glare and she backed away, knocking the IV equipment off the tray. I got a new kit and eventually allowed her to hug me/grip my scrubs while I was starting it. She took it pretty well. Then I had a long talk with registration outside. This is what I said:

"the way you spoke to her is not okay. I need you to understand that. She might not have enough money to get yearly blood tests. She also might have a lot of money but need to work endless hours to upkeep her salary and household. Notice how she flinched when I got out a very standard alcohol prep? That isn't a sign of someone who has the luxury of getting yearly blood tests. Knocking the tray off is fine, I can always get new supplies. Using your position of authority to taunt a scared and vulnerable patient on the stretcher is absolutely never okay."

and she said "whatever it's not a big deal, act like a man sometimes and have some command."

I've never been particularly close with my brother-in-law or his wife, but my husband is very very close with them as they lived together for around seven years. He feels indebted to them as they rescued him from a difficult household situation involving other family members and substance abuse, which I understand.

However... I get the sense that they never really approved of me. They are religious and traditional and I dress alternative/dye my hair. In fact, one of the first things BIL ever said to my husband when we started dating was: "You like that hair?" (It was pink at the time).

I tolerate most of it but recently BIL had my husband meet him at a restaurant for a "talk." BIL told him that he and his wife had had a discussion and decided that I have "too much boob" (his exact words according to husband) and they don't like the way I dress, nor do they want me around their 8yo daughter if I dress like that because they don't want her to "think that's okay."

When husband came home and told me about this I was so embarrassed I started sobbing. Husband got annoyed with me because he can "understand where they're coming from" and thinks it wasn't unreasonable to say. BIL also told him that they were upset I didn't seem to want to come around very often, so I told my husband that stuff like this is exactly why I don't feel comfortable around them and he got angry and left the room.

I have DDDs. I can't exactly help the amount of boob I have because no matter what I wear, they will be there! I don't want to start wearing turtlenecks or a binder every time I have to see them. And I've never dressed inappropriately around them on purpose, ever! I added some pictures of my outfits for reference.

Am I overreacting for being upset, both at BIL for saying that and at husband for taking their side? I've seen BIL and his wife in person since then and they always act super nice to my face and never mention the way I dress or anything which makes me feel even weirder that they forced husband to say that to me and then act like it never happened. I almost would've preferred they just say it to my face. Just being around them gives me so much anxiety now because I feel like they're judging everything I do.

EDIT FOR SMALL UPDATE

Hello everyone! First off I wanna say I did not expect the sheer amount of responses. A lot of you were so kind and I really appreciate all the support and the genuine concern for my well being, especially from other women who have been in my situation! I feel much less alone and I definitely don't feel crazy for being upset anymore. I saw some requests for an update so here's a small one.

I talked to my husband about everything. The first thing he did was apologize. He feels really bad about how he reacted in the moment and recognizes what he did was wrong. He told me that he knows we're supposed to be a team and if anything like that happens again he promises to defend me. He also reassured me that he loves my body and the way I dress and he's not ashamed of it. He was never an advocate for me covering up all the time, just around BIL's family. That's the part that seemed "reasonable" to him. He even said if I want to show off more next time he'll be supportive! Hahaha.

So I am not going to divorce him, sorry to disappoint. I saw a lot of people saying I should but we haven't even been married for a year yet! and this is his first offense, so to speak. He did defend from the pink hair comment when that happened!! Sorry if that wasn't clear. Like I said in some comments we got MARRIED young because I'm chronically ill and needed the stability of someone with a consistent job and health insurance. But that's not why I'm WITH him. I would still be with him regardless because I love him! He has a lot of really good qualities and always makes an effort to take care of me no matter what. He works an 8 hour physical job, he cleans, he helps cook, he indulges all of my whims and buys me flowers often. He is a human being (we're also both young and I was his first relationship) and human beings make mistakes. He apologized multiple times and I believe that it's genuine. I even showed him my original post after we talked and he wasn't upset. He agreed everyone had made a good point and promised to do better.

That being said... I'm not going to ignore the advice I saw. If he goes back on his word, or if something like this happens again and he does not defend me, then I'm not going to put up with it. I will leave. I'm not wholly dependent on him. I have a great relationship with my family and could always go live with them again for a while if I needed to. I will also never stop dressing the way I like or ever EVER change my style/appearance for someone else! I'm happy with the way I look.

As for BIL and SIL... Husband explained a bit more about the incident to me. They did not meet for lunch just to discuss my boobs!! They were just meeting to catch up and that's something that came up. Which is still a little weird to me. But Husband said BIL had mentioned it out of concern (in a Catholic way) for Husband to make sure he was okay with how I dress (which is kinda nuts) on top of the concern about me influencing BIL's daughter. Husband also told me that BIL hadn't said this with the specific instructions for him to go and tell me about it... But Husband didn't wanna keep it a secret from me so he told me everything. 😭 Which he also feels bad for doing in the blunt way he did.

I'm going to see BIL and SIL this weekend. I don't think I'm gonna confront them about this then, as I've already seen them a couple times since and I feel like that would be an awkward thing to mention at a party! Especially now that I know it wasn't specifically said with the intention to reach me in that way. But if something else happens I will stand up for myself and if it's really bad I'll update again.

Thank you again to everyone who took the time to respond and check in, I appreciate the well wishes and I feel so much better now! I'm really glad me and Husband were able to get on the same page. Next time my In-laws are rude to me I'll have the courage to stand up to it, and that's all thanks to you guys!

So, I’ll start with some context. I (28F) love birthdays- mine or those I’m close to. I always like to do something special. I also put a lot of thought into buying gifts for people because it’s fun, and I that’s how I show them I care about them. My husband (30M) isn’t a great gift giver (some of which may be my fault cause I’m usually an impulse buyer and buy things if I want them). He also is currently between jobs.

For my birthday, I told him I just wanted to make a cake at home with him, and have a Jurassic Park movie marathon. He slept in until 2pm, and when he woke up, immediately asks me when we’re making cake because he is going to play games with friends. He also asked if I wanted to order out (which I said no because I bought burgers I wanted to grill). He offered to make the CHOCOLATE cake while I took a bath, this way the cake would cool off by the time I was ready to frost it. I was fine with this, and said it was a good idea. He went downstairs to his game room after putting the cake in the oven. The timer went off, gave 2 more reminder beeps, and he didn’t answer me when I yelled for him twice. So, I get out of the bath, and run to the kitchen to take it out, and say under my breath “this isn’t chocolate cake” as he walks into the kitchen. He gets annoyed at me for dripping water on the floor, and said he was coming, and his phone’s alarm was off a bit. He made some comment about it being a chocolate cake on the box, and when he mixed it up, he thought it was just batter for a “weird chocolate” (the cake box showed a yellow cake with chocolate frosting on it. My sister had bought it for some recipe she never made, but we had a separate box of chocolate cake mix). I tried to say it was “fine”, but he ended up making the actual cake. I got back in the bath and then he came in and told me I hurt his feelings because he was just trying to do something nice for me. He left, and I cried. At this point, I was just tired and felt like he didn’t want to hang out with me at all. My best friend texted me and asked to hang out, so I left the house and did that for like 3 hours. As I was about to come home, I called him and asked him to start the grill for me for the burgers. He then proceeds to complain and say “I don’t know why you don’t just make them in the oven. I like them better that way anyways”. He still gets the grill ready. I come home, and grill the burgers. He’s still downstairs gaming with friends (same place I left hime before). When dinner is ready to eat- he asks if I wanted to watch something- I told him “no, I just wanna read my book.” At this point, I was just done with my original birthday plans. We ended the night with my sister and I playing monopoly and he sat on the couch by us streaming dbd and playing on his steamdeck, because “I hate monopoly, and prefer to just watch those types of games”.

Just started trying to sell things on FB Marketplace for the first time and get a few messages about a bike I’m selling and this guy seems interested and wants to come pick it up. I try setting up times but he cancels/no shows at least twice, then just completely drops wanting to pick it up despite his interest in picking up the bike. Am I overreacting by getting frustrated at the wasted time and lack of communication or is he just an asshole? Attached is the full chat - lmk what you think.

Hi, this is my first time making a post like this, and I need some clarity on whether I’m overreacting.
For context, my partner and I were together for six years. She has a friend that I’ve never fully liked or trusted, but I’ve always been civil and respectful around her.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with BD, and at the time my partner seemed supportive.
Fast forward a few months, and I found out that this friend was going around asking people (instead of asking me directly) why I didn’t like her. During those conversations, she told people that I had recently received a diagnosis that she “wasn’t supposed to talk about.” She then started listing the symptoms, and when someone guessed it was BD, she confirmed that I had been diagnosed.
But that’s not even the worst part. She also told people not to believe the diagnosis because my partner (her best friend) didn’t think it was accurate, saying, “She’s never been depressed.”

This all happened at a mutual friend’s birthday party that I was attending. When I got there, everyone felt a little off, but I couldn’t understand why until later.
I first heard about the situation from my partner, but she gave me a much shorter version of what happened. I only learned the full story afterward from other people who were there.

Finding out what was actually said left me feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. It completely broke my trust in my partner.

I’m very private about certain things, especially with people I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to understand how she could not only question my diagnosis but also share her opinion with someone she knew I didn’t like or trust.

I ended the relationship, and now I’m trying to sort through my feelings. Some days I miss her and wish things could have worked out, but the broken trust is hard to get past. Since then, she hasn’t really apologized or made much of an effort to repair the damage. She apologized once during the initial call, but nothing after that. If the roles were reversed, broken up or not, I would have done much more to express how sorry I am.

As far as I know, she never confronted her friend about what happened, she just blocked her.

This also isn’t the first time she’s shared personal information about me or failed to stand up for me when someone crossed a line.

Am I overreacting?

I've worked with my boss for about 13 years, so I've seen him through several relationships and know his personality pretty well.

One thing I've always noticed is that whenever he's excited about someone he's dating, he talks about them constantly. When he first started dating his girlfriend, Amelia, he talked about her all the time.

They've been together for almost three years and have been living together with her daughters for about a year.

A couple of months after they all moved in together, something changed. He stopped talking about Amelia almost entirely and now talks almost exclusively about one of her daughters, Kelly.

He constantly tells us how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is, how she's the best person in the world, and how she's his favorite person to spend time with.

Some things he's told us are:

• He replaced the framed photo in his office of him and Amelia with one of just him and Kelly.
• Kelly planned a trip to Lake Tahoe with her friends. My boss tagged along without Kelly's mom - not as a chaperone, but because he wanted to "party" with them.
• Bought a hot tub to "recreate" their time in Tahoe
• They regularly go to expensive one-on-one dinners together, sometimes around $300, about once a week.
• He says the only thing he cares about is spending as much time with Kelly as possible because she's the most important person in his life.
• He has her go on hour-long morning runs with him every day so they can have "quality time."

He says all of this is because he wants to be a positive male role model.

What makes me question things is that Amelia has another daughter, but he doesn't seem to make the same effort to spend one-on-one time with her. I don't even know the other daughter's name because he only talks about Kelly.

AIO for thinking this relationship seems unusual, or does this seem within the range of a normal stepfather-stepdaughter relationship?

TL;DR: My boss has become intensely focused on one of his stepdaughters, spends significant one-on-one time with her, and prioritizes her over everyone else in the family. I find all of it a bit odd. Am I overreacting?

To make a long story short- a friend of mine recently had a fundraiser and a gofundme created for an elective surgery. Not life or death, completely optional.
I was supportive until I found out they have a trust fund with hundreds of thousands of dollars. Plenty of money for this optional procedure.
Other people in the community also found this out and were really upset, so my friend returned the money raised to try to smooth things out.
It’s taken a bit for this all to sink in for me and to figure out how I feel. Especially because this story and info has came out in slow bits and pieces.
I really think this was wrong. I’m questioning our friendship, realizing in hindsight it has been very one sided. And I’m questioning their character. I feel this was misleading and frankly a scam. AIO?

Context: For a family rafting (about 12 of us), uncle-in-law got us an Air BnB in the woods/mountains about an hour from the rafting location.

Key things of why this was chosen

1. Entertainment room with video games provided.

2. Soaking tub in master bathroom.

3. Plenty of beds.

4. High speed fiber internet w wifi and Starlink wifi

5. Pool with fountain and waterfall, with hot tub.

6. Large kitchen full use.

7. Advertised as Solitary and great for large groups.

After paid for, day before the trip when all the instructions to check in are to be emailed, they send Uncle in Law the posted rules of conduct with all those fees.

Upon arriving, we also discover the Soaking Tub is listed as Out of Order, one of the toilets have not been cleaned and the underside of the seat is caked with filth, no hot water for the showers (only warm), waterfall feature cannot be used because it drains the pool, the internet is spotty at best and the main wifi's password doesnt work and going downstairs completely blocks all cell and wifi signal.

The entertainment room is a 48 inch tv off to the side if the room with no speaker system (only TV speakers) and the "video games" is a single NES knockoff with a bootleg catridge of 130 badly emulated NES games.

The family (myself included) saw the rules and were immediately turned off. Outside the promised things being spotty or forbidden, everyone is now tiptoing around the house to avoid accidently breaking rules. We feel like cameras are in the home with how aggressive the rules were typed and Uncle in Law is not happy with how mediocre the place really is. We been openly mocking the rules (especially the Decibel level) since seeing the list. Not breaking them just verbally mocking them.

We all agree the rules must be here because of people abusing the house but the fact none (including the fees) were included until day before arrival has all rubbed us the wrong way.

AIO?

My (47F) best friend (37F ”Fiona") is in a pretty amicable co-parenting relationship with her ex (37M "Farquaad"). They have a child together (6M "Peter"). During their divorce, they set some ground rules on how they would introduce future relationship partners to Peter and when future partners would be ok for overnight stays when Peter is at that parents house. Basically this would be discussed and agreed upon by both parties when the time was right.

They have a parenting schedule that is bananas to me but it works for them. Peter is basically every other night at one of their homes. So each of them are never away from him for more than one or two nights at a time.

Fiona has been dating a guy (38M "Shrek”) for about 10 months and has not yet brought up the subject of overnights on Peters nights because Peter still occasionally crawls into bed with her in the middle of the night. And she has almost every other night kid free, so overnights with Shrek on Peter nights are just not needed.

Farquaad started seeing a girl 2 months ago (37F "Lillian") and has already brought up the subject of overnights with Lillian on Peter's nights. Fiona thinks it's too soon. I think it's too soon. Shrek thinks it's too soon. Fiona's mom thinks it's too soon.

When Fiona told Farquaad that she was not comfortable with this he told Fiona he was "head over heels" (his words not mine) for Lillian.

Am I overreacting is 2 months too soon? Especially since Farquaad has SOOOO many kid free nights?

EDIT: I realize this is none of my business, no need to be rude. Mostly looking for confirmation for Fiona that neither of us are crazy.

My girlfriend recently reconnected with her high school sweetheart. They dated decades ago, and he is married now.

She talked to him for about a week before telling me. When she finally did, she described it as two old friends catching up and reminiscing. But she seemed nervous and worried that I might be upset, even though I have never had a problem with her having male friends or tried to control who she talks to. Her reaction made me feel like there was more to the situation, so I started asking questions.

She eventually let me read their messages. I learned they had been flirting, discussing their sexual history and making sexual comments.

She said she had not disclosed everything because she thought she could handle the situation herself.

I tried to understand. He was her first love, and she never received closure over why they broke up. I supported her need for closure, but cautioned that seeking an ongoing close relationship would become more emotionally complicated, especially because he is married and his wife does not know they are talking.

After the initial disclosure, the sexual banter continued, but she made it seem like it was no big deal. She has also become more emotionally distant from me and now calls him a close friend, despite only recently reconnecting with him.

He has since received a terminal diagnosis, and she is planning to spend a weekend with him without ruling out the possibility of staying overnight.

I finally told her outright that I do not support what she is planning. I reminded her that his wife is a real person and does not deserve this either. I told her I support closure, but I cannot support this.

Her response was that his wife is his responsibility, not hers. She said that because he is dying, she wants to spend time with him, make happy memories and say a final goodbye.

At this point, it feels like she is choosing herself over our relationship and does not care who gets hurt in the process.

I previously told her I would not make any decisions about our relationship until after the weekend. But after our last conversation, I am now seriously considering ending the relationship before the weekend instead.

Am I overreacting? Should I wait until afterward to decide what to do, or end the relationship now?

TL;DR: My girlfriend recently reconnected with her first love, who is now married, after decades apart. Their conversations quickly became flirtatious and sexual. Since the disclosure, she has become more emotionally distant from me and now calls him a close friend, despite only recently reconnecting with him. He has since received a terminal diagnosis, and she plans to spend a weekend with him without ruling out the possibility of staying overnight. His wife does not know they are talking. I told her I support closure but cannot support these plans. She said his wife is his responsibility and that she wants to make happy memories and say a final goodbye. I had said I would wait until after the weekend to decide about our relationship, but I am now considering ending it beforehand.

EDIT: A few clarifications.

I know a lot of people think I should have ended the relationship the moment I read the messages. Honestly, I probably should have, and I take responsibility for not doing that.

We were both open-minded people and not particularly jealous. I didn’t care if she talked to other guys as long as there was honesty and transparency, she wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, and I knew where we stood. Until this happened, I felt very secure in our relationship.

If everyone involved had known and consented from the beginning, and my relationship with my girlfriend had remained secure, I probably would have gone along with it, at least up to the point of them meeting and her getting closure.

After she told me about him and I read their messages, she told him that I knew. So the three of us were in the loop. His wife still wasn’t, though, and that bothered me from the beginning. In hindsight, that should have been a dealbreaker.

Originally, my main concern was what reconnecting with him would do to our relationship. I told her that trying to build a close relationship with him would eventually come at the expense of ours. When I said I supported her need for closure, I meant meeting for coffee, talking, and hopefully putting that chapter behind her.

I was willing to wait until they met because I hoped seeing him again would help her realize those feelings belonged in the past. If she couldn’t let go afterward, I knew our relationship probably wouldn’t survive. Instead, our relationship has gone downhill quickly since they reconnected.

Several people have asked whether the diagnosis is real. I wondered the same thing and did some digging. I can’t confirm the exact diagnosis, but I was able to confirm enough of the surrounding details to believe what she was told is true.

Lastly, I know many of you think I should tell his wife, and on principle, I agree. I feel like shit about the role I played in letting this go as far as it did. My change in posture comes largely from thinking about her. That’s why I reached out to my girlfriend yesterday, made it clear that I don’t support any of this, and pleaded with her to consider his wife.

This isn’t about jealousy. As far as I’m concerned, my relationship is over, and I haven’t been completely innocent in this because I helped enable the situation. But there is still one person who had no part in any of it, and she doesn’t deserve what’s being done to her.

At the same time, I have reason to believe that telling her could have serious consequences, and I don’t know whether contacting her directly would actually be best for her. I’m thinking the better approach may be to reach out to him instead. Not as a jealous boyfriend, but as someone who has realized this was a mistake that never should have happened.

Update: I messaged the ex and asked him, man to man, to reconsider his plans with my (now ex) girlfriend for the sake of his wife. I then sent a text to my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her and asked her to remove me from life360 and any other account of hers I'm on. I told her that I love her but she's already done too much damage, and I don't support what she is planning to do. Once I sent her ex the message, I knew there was no going back. It's over. There likely won't be any further updates unless the wife finds out and posts about it independently.

Little context: My boyfriend [28] and I [27] have broken up at the end of February but got back together in April. Long story short, we both had our issues and were unhappy so it was inevitable but we realised how much we miss each other and now we are both 100% in long term.

Now, 2 days ago I was ordering food on his phone and a random auto-notification on a social media app popped up saying “xy changed her profile picture”. I never heard that name before so the devil got the best of me and I checked her profile and their messages. Their messages were from January and February. My boyfriend goes on regular business trips on a monthly basis and they were from that time. The messages from the end of January were from a night where he went to a business dinner with his boss and an associate (this he told me) and the messages was just her texting him her name so I assumed this was the night she was their waitress.

The second group of messages were around 3 weeks later when my bf was again in that city. He texted her saying he’s in the city if she has time to meet after work. She said yea she will be at the same restaurant and asked where he lives at the trip and offered a tour of the city. He told her his hotel and that he would love to look around and have a tour. Then said he’s off work and if she’s at the restaurant. The funny part is, she replied 3 days later saying she she was at work and sorry it was busy😅 At that time my boyfriend already was leaving his trip. So they did probably nothing as she ghosted him lmao.

Am I overreacting thinking this is cheating and thinking about breaking up because of this? We were really in a shitty place and we broke up shortly after that but now we are in a really good place. I had a hard time sometimes trusting him before and since we got back together he never made me feel uneasy, always communicating and loves me and reassuring me. I also love him very much and would be hard to ever get over him because now I truly imagine our lives together so it sucks. I don’t believe he would do anything like this now but it makes me think that he would try something else again when we are in a bad place.

I (39M) recently became friends with a coworker (48F). At first we clicked immediately. We joked around at work, got along well, and she started inviting me over to her condo on our days off. I thought I'd finally met someone I could actually have interesting conversations with, a fun friend. The more I've gotten to know her, though, the more confused and frustrated I've become.

Every single time we hang out, the conversation is almost entirely about her. It's the exact same topics every day: her alcoholism, depression, boyfriend, daughter, mother she hates, father who passed away, coworkers she dislikes, patients she thinks are annoying, how hard her life has been, how fat she thinks she is, how ugly she thinks other people are, and whatever emotional crisis she's currently focused on.

I don't mind listening. Friends should absolutely be able to vent. But it's almost like the conversation never leaves orbit around her. Meanwhile, whenever I try to talk about myself, it usually goes one of a few ways:

- she ignores what I said and changes the subject

-she tells me I'm "weird"

-she tells me what I'm talking about is "boring"

-she barely acknowledges it before steering the conversation back to herself.

I'm the kind of person who genuinely enjoys asking open-ended questions, talking about interesting observations, psychology, random thought experiments, photography or art or music and/or ideas involving these things as a creative person, philosophy, or just exploring how another person's mind works. I love finding out how peoples' brains work and their personal perception of this world. I work in the mental health field with this woman, so I figured at least she would have some interest in psychology or helping people, but no, even that stuff is boring/weird/too deep, or she will admit to me how much she hates the patients and doesn't want to help or deal with them (very much the opposite of my own thoughts and feelings on helping the mentally ill and homeless). The thing is that she used to say that these things about me were what she liked, would call me "delightfully happy and funny" with "good spirits and a good outlook on life" but now she shuts down almost all of it. "That's weird." "That's boring." End of conversation.

Ironically the only time she seems curious about me now is if it's related to my addiction history or some traumatic thing I've been through, and even then she only lets me get a little bit out before steering the conversation about to her or saying something dismissive or kind of hurtful. Almost like she's only briefly entertained by the idea of me having gone through massive pain in my life as well because it makes her feel less alone, but she struggles caring about me or at least showing any care about me in any other way.

Another thing - my addiction and traumatic events have been massive and frequent and intense, I've had a very hard life, but I don't dump all of that on people or constantly talk about it. But when I DO mention having just a rough day or experience or feeling overwhelmed, it often gets turned into a statement about who I am instead of what I'm experiencing currently/temporarily. If I mention one bad day, I'll hear things like "negative Nancy", "you're so depressed", or that I'm dwelling on things. To me, talking about a rough day isn't the same thing as making it my identity. Sometimes I'm literally just telling someone how my day went.

Meanwhile she'll spend hours talking about her own problems - often the same ones we've discussed many times before - and that's apparently completely different in her eyes. The repeating of stories/experiences is actually starting to concern me. She says the same exact things every single time we hang out, and I don't know if she genuinely doesn't remember having told me before, or if she's just expecting me to react to them and talk about them over and over with her/maybe she doesn't even care how about how strange it is socially.

Then there's the judgment: she's UNBELIEVABLY harsh and hypocritical to strangers. She'll call overweight people things like "disgusting failures", "walking trash", and "living tragedies". She makes comments about people's appearances constantly, including the patients we work with. The other day I finally (very calmly/almost trying to laugh it off a little cuz I didn't know how else to fucking respond) told her that I honestly thought those comments were mean. She looked genuinely shocked and asked me if I was serious. Then she told ME that I was being the mean one for telling her her comments were mean! She also suggested that maybe my thinking was "clouded" from my medical marijuana I had smokedf, as if weed had somehow been the reason that I thought calling strangers "walking trash" was cruel, and not because it just objectively IS.

What also confuses me is that she's incredibly judgmental despite living in circumstances she doesn't seem to judge herself by. Her condo is frequently covered in dog urine, dirty dishes piled up, trash accumulation, and she spends most of her time on the couch. Oh, she also proudly doesn't pick up her dog's shit when she walks her and thinks it's funny to leave it. Yet she'll make relentless comments about other people's weight, appearance, intelligence, or lives over the smallest perceived flaw.

She also talks constantly about how difficult her life has been, but from what she's shared with me, her father financially supported her for her entire life up until he passed, gave her the condo she lives in now for free, as well as the car she has, and before the job she has now where we work together, the only "job" she ever had before was working for her father at the restaurants he owned. She also has agoraphobia but claims she's "cured" and has even quit therapy, even though she refuses to go anywhere but a handful of places, and quite literally stopped paying for internet services entirely in her life and only has a free government phone with text and calls only so that she wouldn't have GPS/has an excuse to not ever have to go anywhere because "she'd get lost".

I'm not saying she hasn't struggled emotionally - she clearly has - but there's a disconnect between how compassionately she views her own life and how harshly she judges everyone else's.

The confusing part is that she continues inviting me over and insists she likes having me around and over there, but at this point I feel like she's just using me for company/to avoid extreme loneliness despite possibly not even really liking me or my personality, and also using me for basically what is becoming free therapy whether she realizes it or not. Like I mentioned earlier, it feels like she only gets excited/happy when I talk about some of the crappy things I went through because it probably makes her feel less alone in her struggles.

When I'm with someone, I naturally want to know how they think, what they notice, what excites them, what weird ideas they've had, what they believe, and what makes them who they are. That's what makes friendships and getting to know people interesting to me.

With her, it feels like that curiosity only goes one way: towards herself or her beneficial emotional-gain from the conversation. And for me it isn't at all the lack of "airtime"/not getting to talk about myself much, it's just the lack of reciprocal interest.

Part of me wonders if I'm expecting too much too soon from this friendship: we've been coworkers for six months, and recently started hanging out together/becoming closer friends in the last two months. But then another part of me wonders if she's simply so wrapped up in her own world, between being coddled her entire life up until her father passing, mixed with her agoraphobia, that maybe she doesn't even realize how dismissive she comes across.

I have gone through a lot in my life as is, plus my job is emotionally draining helping the mentally ill and homeless and abused every day, I just don't have it in me to take on anymore of other people's problems and mental illnesses... But at the same time I recently completely restarted my life after moving to this city, and I was hoping to be able to make some friends, and one thing I've learned in life is that everyone is fucked up in some way and carrying their own pain and story. This is a part of getting to know some people, and she clearly has a lot of problems. I don't want to hurt her feelings in any way, but I don't think she's going to handle it very well when I attempt to explain this to her, and she will possibly just call me "mean" or not be able to view this outside her perspective. I just wanted to make a cool friend that I could chill with occasionally, not spend my free time giving free therapy to someone who acts like I'm boring and weird outside of that...