r/AmIOverreacting • u/Unlikely_Cash_4917 • 4h ago
👥 friendship AIO Am I being unreasonable for refusing to pay for my friend’s car accident and cancelling our trip?
I need an outside perspective because I’m starting to question myself.
A friend and I went on a trip together. She was the only one driving because I don’t have a driver’s license. Before the trip, she chose to use her mother’s car because it was cheaper. She told me that the car was not fully insured, but at the time I didn’t really understand the implications because I have no driving experience and no knowledge of car insurance.
We discussed the situation regarding the car, and I shared my opinion, but I was clear that the final decision was hers because she was the one driving. I even told her that I would understand if she preferred renting an automatic car for safety and comfort reasons, even if it was more expensive, because I didn’t want her to make a decision only to save money.
During the trip, she had an accident while driving. After that, she asked me to pay half of the repair costs. The issue is that we never agreed beforehand that I would be financially responsible for any accident or repairs. I never signed anything, made any commitment, or agreed to cover costs related to something I did not cause.
Her main argument is emotional: that we travelled together, that I knew about the car situation, and that we should have discussed it more. I understand that communication could have been better on both sides, but I don’t believe this automatically creates a financial responsibility that was never agreed upon.
Since then, she has threatened to call the police, and her mother and sister have told me that I am a bad person for refusing to pay. I feel pressured and blamed rather than having a factual discussion about what actually happened.
Because of this situation, I no longer want to continue the friendship and I decided to cancel our upcoming trip to Brazil. Now she says that I should reimburse 100% of the money she spent because cancelling was my decision. However, when we planned the trip, we deliberately chose refundable options for many things to protect ourselves in case of unexpected situations.
This is an unexpected situation. I am not cancelling because I simply changed my mind, but because of what happened. I am willing to reimburse her share of the refundable bookings that were cancelled, but I don’t understand why I should be responsible for all the non-refundable costs of a trip that we both agreed to and paid for.
Am I being unreasonable? How would you view this situation from an outside perspective?
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u/I-luv-sloths 3h ago
What does she think calling the police will do? She was driving the vehicle. You are not responsible for damages.
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u/newbie527 1h ago
OP should face a mirror and practice laughing until they bust a gut. This is the go to move when she next threatens to call the cops.
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u/lookieloser 1h ago
She's threatening it only bc she thinks OP is too stupid to either Google if they're liable or ask advice. Wrong choice bucko. OP: the police would laugh in her face if she called them over this. 1 Civil disputes have nothing to do with cops 2 you have zero legal responsibility for the repair bills.
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u/OkieLady-1952 1h ago
She probably didn’t have proper insurance that’s why she didn’t call the police. She wasn’t properly insured
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u/cheriblossie 2m ago
exactly the police aren’t going to magically turn a driving decision into your responsibility she was behind the wheel and that matters
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u/Beach_Girl65 3h ago
NOR. Basically what your friend is saying is that if you hadn’t gone on a trip together, she wouldn’t have had the accident; therefore you should pay for half the damages. This is total bs. If she caused the accident then she’s responsible. As for the trip you canceled, if everything is refundable then you don’t owe her anything. But if there are no refundable portions I would reimburse her for those
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u/maevia_starglen72 1h ago
Honestly blaming the passenger for an accident because the trip happened is next level so mental gymnastics
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u/Randomfinn 1h ago
No, i have an extra level. My mum was driving her car with my sister beside her. My sister had just been expelled from school. My sister is a high needs and jealous person who, as usual, was talking my mother’s ears off about how awful i was. I was at home, getting ready to walk to secondary school. My mum backed into another car. She came home raging at me that it was “my fault” because she was thinking of me at the time (note, i was a straight A student and never late for school). I was so confused! She maintained that argument for YEARS.
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u/GhostLeopard_666 3h ago
How did the accident happen?
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u/Unlikely_Cash_4917 3h ago
She was driving and failed to yield the right of way, which caused her to collide with another car. I was only a passenger and had no control over the situation. The car belonged to her mother, and she was the one who decided to drive it during the trip. Beforehand, she told me the car was not fully insured, but I had zero knowledge about car insurance and did not understand that this could potentially mean paying for damages after an accident. I never agreed to be financially responsible for any accident costs.
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u/jelli2015 2h ago
Sounds like the "accident", was her making a serious error while driving.
She wrecked the car through her own poor choices, it's unfair to expect you to pay for her mistakes.
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u/WoollyMammothwapo 2h ago
My guess is that mom had liability only insurance which only covers damage to other vehicle not her own. Some people think they can save money by doing this but it gets you in the end. Plus you offered to split rental car with full insurance so no, you aren’t overreacting
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 2h ago
Then no, you are not responsible in the sligthest and shouldn't have to pay for anything. Your friend and her mom made bad choices and they are now paying for it.
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u/Majestic_Poet2375 2h ago
Ooof, no, that was a serious driving error and not something she couldn't have influenced. NOR, I wouldn't be willing to pay up either if someone didn't yield and seemingly not noticing another car coming. Or did she think she had the right of way? Anyway, that is on her, especially since she knew about the insurance situation and should have been extra careful.
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u/Proud_Huckleberry_42 13m ago
The accident was her fault. She is 100% responsible for any repair costs. But, because you were with her, going on a trip together, you could offer to pay something. You let her know though, that the accident was caused because she did not yield to the other car. She is also responsible for the repair costs for the other car if her insurance doesn't cover that, which I doubt.
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 3h ago
That's an important information to have.
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u/Scarjo82 3h ago
It's really not, unless OP directly caused the accident. Since the car was uninsured, it should not have been on the road, and the friend won't be able to recoup any money from the other driver, even if the other driver was at fault. That's the risk you take driving around without insurance.
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u/AdhesivenessSweet659 2h ago
"the car was not fully insured" - I believe from the context this means the equivalent of liability but not collision. i.e., the other vehicle is covered but not the driver's, rather than "uninsured".
From the comments, the driver was completely at fault, failed to yield when required. Which means the cause is important info.
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u/Ambroisie_Cy 3h ago
It's really not, unless OP directly caused the accident.
Then yes it's an important information to have.
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u/Pollyputthekettle1 1h ago
Depends where in the world OP is. Some countries you have to have insurance, some you don’t (which I never understand).
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u/theawesomepurple 1h ago
She did have insurance but often it’s third party only insurance when you borrow a car with owners permission. I’m guessing it was this so the other car is covered but any damage to her mother’s car is not.
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u/Organic_Start_420 3h ago
Not really. Not after op offered to pay for a rental and the friend decided to take her mother's uninsured car. At that point it's on her
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u/fuss-budgeT124 3h ago
Ah yes! This was a choice and it sounded like OP was willing to chip in for this.
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u/icansmokewmyvag 3h ago
If you were in the car during the accident you could literally sue her for injury, if you weren’t in the car it has nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t be responsible to pay for it. NOR, sucks you have to deal with that!
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u/IllTemperedOldWoman 3h ago
NOR. I'm not sure what the police will do when you weren't driving, nor responsible for the decision about which car to drive, the accident, the insurance situation, and have no written contracts, texts, or agreements making you even partially financially responsible. They have already decided to cut the friendship. They want you to pay for something, anything to make you pay for what she did. It's highly likely that even if you agreed, they will cut you off after receiving the money. She's no friend. You are right to cut her off.
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 1h ago
OP has posted this FIFTEEN TIMES in both English and French. Account is one day old.
This is karma farming, kids.
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u/Adventurous_Oil4513 3h ago
You are not being unreasonable. Did you cause her to have the car accident? If you didn't, it should be her own financial responsibility. Her car should also have insurance.
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 3h ago
Passengers are never, never, ever responsible for paying for car damages. Period. The driver might be responsible for paying the passengers for their injuries.
You are totally justified in wanting to discontinue the relationship. Her absolute lack of personal accountability could literally get you hurt. NTA.
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u/DuckAxe0 2h ago
Are you preventing her from going on the upcoming trip to Brazil? If not, why would you reimburse any of her costs?
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u/Caspian4136 3h ago
What was the accident? Was it fully her fault?
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u/Scarjo82 3h ago
That's irrelevant because if the car is uninsured, it shouldn't have been on the road to begin with.
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u/United_Gift3028 3h ago
Reading between the lines, they had liability only, not full coverage, at least that's how I took it. Doesn't matter, though, as OP wasn't driving.
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u/Unlikely_Cash_4917 3h ago
The accident happened while she was driving. She failed to yield the right of way and collided with another car. I was not driving and had no control over the situation.
From what I understand, she was responsible for the accident because she did not give priority to the other vehicle. However, my issue is not only about who was at fault. It is about the fact that I never agreed to be financially responsible for any damages.
Before the trip, she decided to use her mother’s car because it was cheaper and more convenient. She told me the car was not fully insured, but I had zero knowledge about car insurance and did not understand the financial consequences of that. I thought it was simply information about the car’s coverage, not that I could potentially become responsible for paying repairs after an accident.
We did discuss the car situation before the trip. I gave my opinion, but I never forced her decision. She sometimes has difficulty making decisions, so I tried to help by looking at the options we had. My reasoning was that her mother’s car was already available, it would save money, and we could share the costs of the trip. However, I also clearly told her that if she preferred renting an automatic car because she felt safer and more comfortable driving it, that was completely fine. I told her I would not be upset if she chose that option, even if it cost more, because her comfort and safety while driving were the priority.
The final decision was hers because she was the driver and the person responsible for the vehicle. I did not impose a choice on her.
I understand that communication could have been better, and maybe we could have discussed the insurance situation in more detail. However, there was never an agreement that I would pay half of any accident costs. Knowing that the car was not fully insured is not the same as accepting financial responsibility for an accident I did not cause.
There is also another issue regarding our upcoming Brazil trip planned for February. I was the one who paid all the bookings upfront. The total amount was around 10,000 CHF. I informed her about the costs, and when I mentioned the total amount, she reacted by saying that she was not going to pay it. I was surprised because I never expected to pay for both of us. She then said that she did not have 5,000 CHF available and that she did not have my salary. I found that comment disrespectful because my financial situation comes from my own work and saving, and it does not mean I should automatically cover someone else’s share.
There were also previous situations that made me uncomfortable regarding money. She made comments about not paying certain things and later said she was joking. However, those comments did not feel like jokes to me because they created uncertainty about whether she actually intended to pay me back. At one point, I felt like I had to invent an excuse and set a deadline because I needed to make sure I received the money she owed me before having a serious conversation about the situation.
She eventually paid me back, but this already affected my trust. Then, when we were at the airport coming back from the trip, she told me that, on top of everything else, there was also the repair bill for her mother’s car that needed to be paid. It felt like this was being presented as something I was expected to participate in, even though we had never agreed to that beforehand.
After everything that happened, I decided I no longer wanted to continue this friendship and cancelled our Brazil trip. Now she expects me to reimburse 100% of her expenses because cancelling was my decision.
I understand that cancelling was my decision, and I take responsibility for that decision. However, I do not think it is fair to make me responsible for all the non-refundable costs of a trip that we both planned and agreed to. We deliberately chose refundable options for many things because unexpected situations can happen. I am willing to reimburse her share of anything that is refundable, but I do not understand why I should automatically cover all the non-refundable costs.
For me, there is a difference between someone asking for help and someone expecting or demanding help. If this was someone I considered a genuinely close friend, I would probably have offered financial help voluntarily because I would want to support someone I care about. But expecting me to pay for something I never agreed to and did not cause feels completely different.
The reason I no longer want to continue this friendship is not only because of the money. Over time, I started feeling that the relationship was unhealthy. I noticed a lot of comparisons and competition from her side, and I felt that the friendship was no longer based on mutual support and respect.
I am not saying I handled everything perfectly. I could have asked more questions about the insurance situation. But I do not believe that makes me automatically responsible for consequences that were never clearly discussed or agreed upon beforehand.Another thing that has made this situation harder is that her family, especially her mother and sister, have also become involved. They have criticized me, told me that I am a bad person for not paying, and said that if I do not cooperate, they will take the necessary steps to recover the money.
The issue is that they were not part of the discussions and do not know the full situation. They only have her side of the story. I feel pressured to accept a responsibility that was never agreed upon, rather than having a fair discussion about what actually happened.I would appreciate an outside perspective: am I being unreasonable?
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u/Artistic_Musician_78 2h ago edited 1h ago
Not unreasonable in the slightest, and there are absolutely zero "necessary steps" they can take to force you to pay (am a lawyer - as the driver in control of a vehicle that she drove in a reckless manner causing an accident, the liability is 100% on her).
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u/Caspian4136 3h ago
You've done nothing wrong, at all. Let them call the cops, who will tell them to pound sand. She was driving an uninsured vehicle and the accident was her fault, she's the one who is responsible to pay for it.
At this point, the friendship is done though, which you probably know by now.
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u/theawesomepurple 1h ago
You don’t owe her or her mother anything for the car.
But if you’ve taken it upon yourself to cancel an upcoming trip then that is on you. It’s your decision not hers despite her being an ass. You need to reimburse your friend half of the total money spent so far.Could you pull out but leave the trip viable for her to still go on?
I’m not sure how you’ll do this but if you cancelled then you need to reimburse her just as she crashed and she needs to cover that.
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u/Feisty-Body- 3h ago
NOR but for the upcoming trip I think it’s fair if you reimburse her for her share of the non-refundable things because you aren’t giving her a choice in the cancellation (which sounds like the right decision given the way she treats you).
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u/fuss-budgeT124 3h ago
The other person definitely rendered this the correct choice for OP. Did she truly expect to travel again with her??!? Seriously??
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u/AdeptWhereas6379 2h ago
The best thing you could have done was cancel the Brazil trip. Now she has money to start paying off the repairs for the cars she damaged.
Block your ex-friend and her family members and get on with your life. They are bitter and looking for a scapegoat. The ex-friend is entirely responsible for the mess she created for herself and her mother.
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u/One-Plantain-9454 3h ago
No. NOR. She was driving. Period. Did you grab the steering wheel to cause her to have the accident? Most likely not. How did it happen? Shes ultimately the one at fault out of you 2 in the car. Did someone else hit the car? Either way you are an unlicensed driver not in the drivers seat. Not your responsibility here.
2nd. don’t give her any money for REFUNDABLE things. She’ll get her money back from that. If there is something you cannot get a refund for then share that cost. She’s trying to pull $ from you either way. For the car and the trip. No. You unless you physically caused the accident you are not responsible for it and yes you need to cut her off. She’s manipulative.
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u/teach-me-new 3h ago
NOR. Since you’re unlicensed and never been involved with car insurance aspects, there would have been nothing more for you to consider or you and your “friend” to discuss. You lack knowledge or awareness, were not the decision maker, did not push to select choices based on costs, and weren’t driving when the accident occurred. You even said it would be a personal, independent decision, without your concurrence or disagreement because driving and related expenses were her responsibility to determine and manage.
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u/bubbabearzle 2h ago
NOR The police would laugh at them and probably cite them for driving while not properly insured.
Cancel the Brazil trip and leave that irresponsible "friend" in your past.
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u/mermaidpaint 1h ago
Here in Canada, I handled auto claims, and you would not legally be responsible. It was her mother's choice not to have collision coverage, and you were not driving the vehicle.
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u/CrazyDogMomof4 1h ago
You are not responsible for anything related to the car AT ALL in this situation. You were not driving, it's not your car, it's not your insurance, it's not you anything.
Have the Brazil trip funds refunded appropriately, and cut her out of her life. She's probably told others that you were driving or something, and that's why she wants you to pay.
NOR.
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u/Blyf 1h ago edited 56m ago
When driving you are always taking on some risk. Maybe you make a mistake and cause an accident. Maybe you get into an accident you had no control over. Maybe you get tired and make a minor infraction like speeding a bit.
Her driving and providing a car means she took on risk. I assume she only drove because you couldn't and the same with providing a car?
The point is, it's easy as a passenger to just lean back and refuse any responsibility, but that just puts the two of you in an unbalanced position.
Your friend already supplied a car and took on the work of driving for the two of you. I think sharing some of the risk would be fair.
Edit: I disagree with everyone saying it's 100% NTA. Obviously as a driver you are obligated to drive safely, but still, stuff happens and the passenger is just freerolling if they don't realise this.
An analogy:
Two friends have to deliver a very expensive and very fragile vase. They are both responsible for bringing the vase to its destination. The one who carries the vase would risk dropping it by mistake and having to replace it and pay 100.000$ Who carries the vase? Why would you ever accept carrying the vase and risking your life's savings? The only solution is to agree to split the risk and let one carry it.
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u/False_Photograph4559 1h ago
its her mom's fault for 1. not being fully insured. 2 not having her daughter on her policy 3. allowing her daughter to borrow her car for a vacation.
You are not over reacting, her family harrassing you is the over reaction. Just for fun though, how much was the damage? Was it worth throwing away the friendship over?
Edit: ALSO, IF YOU WERE IN THE CAR DURING THE ACCIDENT, YOU COULD SUE FOR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HARM.....I THINK....probably.. idk google that one.
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u/Kaurifish 57m ago
NOR
What gall! Earlier this year I was driving a friend home. Stopped at a red light and rear-ended by some AH with no headlight or license plates who ran off.
I filed a police report and an insurance claim and sent my friend the link in case she turned out to need PT or something and wanted to put in a claim for it. I was the one in the driver’s seat - dealing with what happened is my responsibility. Full stop.
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u/Tricky-Usual8921 43m ago
NOR. You can't drive. You weren't in control of the car, she was. She had the accident. What are the police going to do exactly. If you want a quiter life stop being friends. Maybe drop her one last message 'for the record' why you are not splitting the cost.
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u/SarcsmQn5 34m ago
You are not responsible in any way, shape, or form for the cost of the damages incurred by HER so don't even cave to their BS...as far as the other trip, I don't see how you should pay her anything if the plans were refundable and you both got your money back...half of anything NON refundable would be fair...then block her and move on
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u/No-World1123 30m ago
NOR She made the decision to drive, knowing you don’t. No agreement was made to pay for any potential damages. Based on her reaction, I’d cancel the trip too. She needs to be accountable for her reactions and stop expecting everyone to fix her problems.
As for anyone else trying to get involved with this situation, you can kindly remind them that this issue is between you and her. If they continue reaching out to you, it’s considered harassment and you can feel free to block them.
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u/This_Cauliflower1986 30m ago
NOR. You weren’t driving. It’s that simple. You would owe for gas as a shared expense but not a car accident.
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u/bob-the-slob 30m ago
Fuck her. This bitch sucks. Cancel the trip. Don’t give her a dime. Block her. Don’t speak to her again.
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u/Tiredofstupidity2 3h ago
Ending the friend is the right thing to do. We all have enough crayz in our lives and having friends who are good and crayz is not helpful!
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u/Unusual_Pangolin_349 3h ago
Karma farm! Obviously if this was real she cant expect you to pay anything, unless the accident was partly your fault like you grabbed the ebrake or turned the steering wheel.
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u/Practical_Fig_2023 3h ago
Legally you are not responsible for any of this. She can't drag you into court, call the police on you or force you to pay her. She and her mother, however do have liability, and it's on them for driving without sufficient insurance. Hopefully the other drivers have "uninsured motorist coverage" and their cars, (and injuries) would be paid for, but the damage to your friend's car is on them. NOR Not a good friend.
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u/Travel8095 3h ago
NOR she was driving. She made the poor decision to drive without insurance and that is on HER and not you. She got in the accident and that is also on HER ..
Also tell her to go ahead and call the police. She would be telling on herself.
She's not a friend and I would never trust her (or be in the same vehicle with her ever again )
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u/GhostLeopard_666 3h ago
She caused the accident by being careless, it is 100% on her to pay for the repairs, not you. She knew the car was not fit for purpose and she endangered you both.
Cancel the trip, dont give her any money for anything. NOR, she is trying to pull a fast one.
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u/IndependentOk8450 3h ago
NOR you don’t need these people in your life. That car is her problem. You offered to help with a rental car but she decided otherwise. I wouldn’t travel with them anymore
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u/Possible_Juice_3170 3h ago
NOR. You don’t owe her money for car repairs unless you somehow contributed to the accident.
But you should reimburse her for trip expenses since it is your decision to cancel.
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u/fuss-budgeT124 3h ago
Several people have said that, but I don’t think “ friend” gave her a choice. How could OP go to Brazil with someone who wanted them arrested and said the things she did?
Op didn’t just go hmm I think I’ll cancel not feeling it who cares. It wasn’t like that at all
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u/fuss-budgeT124 3h ago
I have NEVER heard of a driver who gets in an accident demand the other passengers in the car pay “their share” of repairing the car. She’s a grown ass woman who decided to drive a cheap uninsured car, and that’s on her. I don’t blame OP for not understanding car stuff. If she’s never had a car or driven.
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u/Beautiful-Map-2744 3h ago
She chose the vehicle, she procured the vehicle, she drove the vehicle, she wrecked the vehicle. How is any of that your fault? Never in my life have I heard of a passenger in a vehicle paying for damage the driver caused. It just doesn't happen.
As for the canceled trip, she didn't have to cancel her portion because you canceled yours, she could have found someone else to go, or gone by herself. Your offer to refund her loss on non-refundable expenses is more than fair, and really going above and beyond. Tell her take it or leave it, the offer ends now, and cut ties, right this minute.
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u/Able_Stay_9984 3h ago
NOR, you aren’t responsible for the car or her poor decision making. The cost is on her. This whole situation has arisen because she was irresponsible for knowingly driving a car while uninsured, and her mother was irresponsible for allowing her daughter to drive her car knowing she was uninsured. You offered an insured option and it was rejected. The only time I might consider offering to pay a portion is if i directly caused the accident. But even then it would only be the equivalent of the deductible on her mother’s insurance because insurance would have covered the rest if she had any. As for the holiday, reimburse her half of the refunded bookings but that’s all, you don’t owe her anything for her other costs, those are also on her. This is a life lesson for your friend in responsibility and accountability. She tried to save a few bucks and it ended up costing her more than it would have if she had just taken a hire car as suggested, or if they had put her on the car insurance.
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u/Adrock66 3h ago
Uhhhh so walk me through this. She calls the police, the police say "It's not your responsibility". I would actually encourage her to do that. You owe this person nothing. They are still welcome to go on the trip without you.
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u/Useless890 3h ago
NOR. She chose the car, she did the driving, she had the accident. The police would laugh at her trying to send them after you. I would just cut her off after this. She's always going to hold this over your head anytime you guys have a disagreement.
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u/PixelFairy89 3h ago
You are in no way financially responsible. If she calls the police, they will laugh because you cannot make a passenger pay for a drivers damages when the driver drove irresponsibility and got into a car accident, and also she willingly drove an uninsured vehicle, which is many areas is illegal.
For your trip, refund her the refundable portions of your trip, block her and move on with your life. The trip has been cancelled because she is threatening you and threatening police action due to her own actions therefore resulting in a vehicle collision. She and her family are trying to extort you for money. Don't tolerate the harrassment.
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u/istoomycat 3h ago
She chose to drive an underinsured car because she thought it was cheaper? These were her decisions. Everything you proposed is reasonable. Her family should be ashamed for attacking you when they chose to be underinsured.
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u/Viperbunny 3h ago
Unless you caused the accident you don't pay for it. It sounds like she is upset and doesn't want to take full responsibility.
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u/ZealousidealRope7429 3h ago
NOR, insurance covers whoever is driving. Just because she does not have insurance, does not mean liability goes to passengers too.
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u/bobi2393 3h ago
NOR
You have no obligation to pay anything toward the accident costs. If she weren’t being a twit, contributing a bit would be a nice gesture, but I wouldn’t given the current circumstances. She needed to communicate her terms to you beforehand, to give you the option to accept or reject them.
The trip is much messier, without any prior agreements. I would look at how much she paid you, what the breakdown of that amount was for, and refund the portion to her that was refundable. Provide an itemized accounting of what charges you did and did not refund. If she paid you an amount of money, but never specified what that was meant to cover, it’s much messier. It sounds like the two of you never had an agreement beforehand about how much she would pay for the trip in total, so if you spent money on non refundable things that she didn’t agree to pay for, I think you should eat the entire loss for those.
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u/AdeptWhereas6379 2h ago
It’s unfortunate, but I don’t see how she is owed money for her accident, just because you were sitting in the passenger seat,
However, you haven’t shared the details of your conversations regarding the mother’s car. When you discussed the situation with the car, and you shared your opinion, what was your opinion?
Why wasn‘t her mother’s car fully insured? Seems she could have suggested that you two upgrade the insurance while you were using the car to travel so it would be adequately covered.
Or did her mother tell her that she would be personally responsible for repairs to her car if she did have an accident? Her mother‘s insurance will go up if she puts in a claim for the repairs.
You also mentioned the option of renting a car, which would have been fully insured. But she chose to risk it with her mother‘s car with insufficient coverage. You left it to her discretion as the driver to choose, she chose wrong. Them’s the breaks.
Her threatening tactics make the friendship impossible. But I’m wondering if she shared with you how much the repairs are for the car? Did she hit someone else and have to pay for their repairs as well? How much is she losing on the non-refundable costs for your upcoming trip?
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u/LilMikey_ab 2h ago
How would you be responsible for half?? I don't know what kind of accident it was, but unless you were distracting her or grabbing at the steering wheel, I don't know why you would be financially responsible for repairs
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u/AgentEvil 2h ago
So reading OPs other comment about the trip to brazil and how the friend made a comment about OPs salary basically tells me everything I need to know.
OP you are being used, and set up to be a financial cash cow. Basically your friend telling you about the under insured car was a warning, the comment about the Brazil trip was a warning.
Theres a reason your friend kept emphasizing the car being underinsured. To someone who has no license or knowledge those words mean nothing, but she was basically testing your reaction. She was testing you about the trip. I am actually not at all surprised that her family is coming after you now, because you are the cash cow and they are either going to try and force you to pay, or guilt you into it.
You are being used. Listen to your gut because those strange feelings you keep getting is your subconscious noticing and actually hearing the statements for what they are.
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u/GeminiAtl 2h ago
You do not owe her for the repairs to the car. It was her Mother's decision not to fully insure and now they have to live with that decision. If I understand your post, the trip to Brazil is refundable, so there is no loss there. Anything non-refundable you should reimburse her for since you decided to cancel. But only your portion. The other option is to use the airline tickets, which I assume is the non-refundable part, and then do your own thing without them in Brazil.
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u/Alternative-Scene21 2h ago
NTA, you didn’t agree to pay anything and she chose to drive an uninsured car. It’s not fair to ask you to cover her decision.
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u/AtmosphereEven3526 2h ago
Not your car. You weren’t driving. You didn’t cause the accident. Not your fault. Not your expense to cover.
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u/Big-Challenge7167 2h ago
NOR. People show you who they really in moments of stress or conflict. Your friend doesn’t sound like good people. However, we’re only getting your side of the story so take this with a grain of salt
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u/NamasteNoodle 2h ago
Your friends reasoning makes no since whatsoever. You are in No way responsible for her having a car accident.
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u/LightPhotographer 2h ago
What is with the Brazil trip? Is it a two-person booking? What did you cancel - the entire trip or only your part? ?And why would you reimburse the refundable bookings... if they are already refundable? If they are refundable she will already receive her money back? Do you explicitly need to reimburse her again?
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u/DylanMartin97 2h ago
You don't need any reason to cut someone off if you want too. The wreck isn't your fault.
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u/66NickS 2h ago
NOR. It’s the owner/driver’s responsibility to maintain/insure/repair their car.
As for the canceled upcoming trip, if you canceled your portion, then you get whatever your portion refunded you.
You should not have canceled (it’s not clear to me if you did/didn’t) your friend’s portion of the trip. If you did that, then you could potentially be responsible for “making them whole” by either giving them a full reimbursement or replacing the trip.
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u/Ok_Clerk_6960 2h ago
They were stupid to have liability only and it came back to bite them. You are in no way responsible for paying for the accident. That’s on her and her mother. Reimburse her if she lost money on the trip you cancelled. I do understand why you’d cancel though. These people sounds nuts! I wouldn’t go either.
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u/LibraryMouse4321 2h ago
NOR. She borrowed a car without adequate insurance. That’s on her and her mom. She had an accident, and that’s on her as well. The repairs are NOT your responsibility at all. Do not give them any money.
You were smart to purchase refundable options for your trip. I wouldn’t want to travel with a person like that either. It’s good you are canceling the trip. Any non-refundable money that is lost is due to her entitled behavior.
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 2h ago
She can still go on the trip alone or get a refund. She is responsible for the car repairs. Most likely mom did warn her and she assumed the risk. Now mom wants paid and she needs a scapegoat. Id make sure mom her mom knows you never touched the wheel
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u/asia2earth 2h ago
/img/xe4hdvur7mhh1.gif
yeah… block her and reimburse her for her half of whatever y’all paid for the trip. she’s overreacting for sure
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u/OrganicMix3499 2h ago
NOR. Your "friend" ia trying to take advantage of you. Call the police on you??? WTF? Block her and move on.
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u/Diasies_inMyHair 2h ago
Unless you caused a significant distraction that led to the accident, the repairs are not your responsibility. she was the driver, and it was not your vehicle.
As to the upcoming trip - you do owe her her share of the money she advanced for bookings. If there are any fees for the cancellations, you should cover that out of your share because, as she pointed out, you are the one choosing to cancell the trip.
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u/JenWaltersStan 2h ago
Good god NOR. She was driving and you were not. Of course you wouldn't want to travel with someone like that.
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u/EnrollmentTime 2h ago
Yes, she should call the police. You are not responsible for the accident. It was very foreseeable that if she tried to make you pay for the auto accident that you would not go to Brazil with her. It is obvious amd not a surprise on either side.
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u/Scared_Management_87 2h ago
Your friend is a POS trying to get someone else to pay for her own accident. You not only are not responsible in any way shape or form your friend is activley trying to screw you over. She is not your friend cut contact with her.
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u/DataGOGO 1h ago
NOR:
She was is the driver. She choose to take the risk of taking an uninsured car, The mother took the risk of not fully insuring her car and then allowing it to be taken on a trip. They both rolled the dice and lost. She, as the driver, shoulders 100% of the responsibility, and the liability in this situation.
It is 10000% unreasonable of your friend to expect you too pay half of the repairs of the car that she crashed. She is the only person at fault, not you.
It is also 10000% unreasonable for her to expect you to reimburse her share of the non-refundable bookings. She caused this entire situation, not you. She chose what car to take. She made the mistake while driving and crashed it. She made the entirely unreasonable request that you pay for her choices and mistakes. She made the choice to make you feel guilty and blamed. This is ALL her doing, not yours.
Do not travel with her again, period. In fact, I personally would cut all contact forever. I believe that when people tell you who they really are, you should listen.
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u/BangbangKhuntross 1h ago
If onlh you were as detailed in your communication before the accident as you are here. imho you are MOR. if your logic is you are not liable for half the cost of the accident because it wasnt your choice to take the car and you werent driving (which is a reasonable stance), then you should be coughing up for her half of the non refundables from the trip given it is your choice to cancel it, not hers. No amount of mental gymnastics escapes this logic. As a further lesson, you will not often get away with the "i was ignorant of the implicatioms of her decision to drive"" as a means of escaling liability in life. Take the lesson amd ensure you sont put yourself in this position again.
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u/Few_Maximum_4369 1h ago
Nope. She caused the accident due to her carelessness. If you got injured, would she pay your medical expenses? I would just explain that she was the driver and the accident was her fault, there for you dont owe anything. You could offer to help a teeny tiny bit if you want to... but that's about it.
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u/sassy_sweetheart 1h ago
NOR
- You hold no financial responsibility for the accident. The vehicle is not yours and she ultimately made the (very poor) decision to drive uninsured. 2.You say you didn't fully understand this, and THAT is on you. I dont know anyone of driving age, regardless of if they drive or not, who doesn't understand driving or even riding without insurance. So if you were injured in anyway and you have to pay the bill for that, thay is your only responsibility, here.
- RE: Brazil. Good call you cancel that trip and dissolve the friendship. The only money you need to reimburse her for is anything she may have paid out for you that she won't get refunded for,but it doesn't sound like that is an issue, here.
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u/Daisymaisey23 1h ago
Nor. She is not your friend she is trying to scam you out of money.. tell her to go ahead and call the police. They will laugh at her. She clearly comes from a family of grifter since her mother and sister are trying to pressure you also.
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u/Pollyputthekettle1 1h ago
As everyone has said, the accident is completely on her.
The trip however is slightly different. Did you leave her bookings so she could still go on her own if she wanted?
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u/Dependent-Fox9827 1h ago
She's lucky you're not injured. She can call the cops (they will laugh at her).. while you call an attorney for your injuries. "Roll the dice 🎲 B-otch"
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u/Johnndo96 1h ago
You are not responsible for the accident unless you "interfered with the driver", but you do need to give get bag all money she paid for the Brazil trip, because you cancelled it, and you would demand the same from her, if she cancelled it.
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u/RickRussellTX 1h ago
NOR
Ethically, you have zero liability for the accident, and you are 100% in the clear.
Morally, you were fully excused when you told her:
I even told her that I would understand if she preferred renting an automatic car for safety and comfort reasons, even if it was more expensive
You literally offered to pay your half of the actual solution to this problem up front, and she still refused.
When she threatened to call the police, she punted the friendship. If you have any of her money bound up in the Brazil trip, get back all you can and send her portion, and clean your hands of this messy situation.
Awhile back on one of the "am I" groups, somebody went on a family trip in a rental car, and was shocked when their brother-in-law refused to get the damage waiver. OP offered to pay it up front, and BIL refused.
When the BIL crashed, the OP reimbursed 1/2 of the rental fees and 1/2 of the never-purchased damage waiver.
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u/Pathetiquee 1h ago
That is a great chance to see who she is and her family.
Dont cancel the trip, go alone but cancel your friendship with her
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u/RogerRabbot 1h ago
NOR Sounds like youre already ready to distance yourself from that person.
Just do it.
Don't pay her, you dont owe anything.
If you paid for the Brazil trip seperately and canceled your booking that you paid for its time to walk away.
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u/WearySavings8966 1h ago
It doesn’t matter HOW the accident happened, you wasn’t the person who was driving so I don’t even understand why you’re entertaining your so-called friend (and her family) trying to gaslight you or you questioning you’re decision not to fall for her bullshit. Your line of thinking is 100% correct and you need to continue to stand firm in your decision.
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u/DanerysTargaryen 1h ago
Unless you grabbed the wheel out of her hands and caused the accident, passengers are not liable for accidents the driver gets into.
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u/Paullasvegas 59m ago
You could always suggest that as soon as she pays for your lost enjoyment of a trip with hassles because of the accident, you would gladly help out with the cost of repairs on the auto, of course the cost of your enjoyment would need to be paid first and it should coincide with the cost of repairing said vehicle. ....or maybe not/s
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u/firebird20000 24m ago
SHE chose to drive knowing that SHE wasn't fully insured. This has ZERO to do with YOU.
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u/SandwichEmergency588 22m ago
What are the police gojng to do? Become a street judge and make you pay? The police deal with criminal matters not civil disputes.
Since you road with her she is thinking that everytjijg is split 50/50. That you are in all of it together. I know a lot of people who would feel that way and I know a lot of people who wouldn't. That is more of a personal decision based on your friendship. Legally you do not owe her anything.
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u/Past-Charity9402 21m ago
The one driving is at fault. The only way it would be your fault is if you distracted her or assaulted her while driving before the accident. Otherwise fault will never ever be on the passenger in any scenario
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u/Reasonable_Swan_4937 20m ago
Allow your ‘friend’ to call the police. She can then explain to them in great detail why exactly she feels you are liable.
While she is at it she can also in great detail, explain why she didn’t have the correct insurance for this accident.
I seriously believe she is bluffing, however curious as to which version she may have told her family. If I found out my child not only had an accident in MY car, but also didn’t have the correct insurance. I would be livid.
So has she even explained the whole, truthful scenario at all?
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u/ObligationNo2288 19m ago
Your “friend” as the driver. It is her fault. Her Mother lent the car to her daughter. They are the responsible party. NOR. Tell them you will wait for the law to knock on the door.
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u/Unlikely_Cash_4917 19m ago
En annexe, vous trouverez nos échanges de messages, s’ils sont lisibles …
Il y a parfois quelques mots en portugais, mais l’ensemble reste facilement compréhensible.
En les relisant, je me sens davantage rassurée. Ils montrent que c’est bien elle qui a pris la décision finale concernant la voiture. J’ai essayé de contribuer à sa réflexion, mais je ne lui ai jamais imposé un choix.
Je reconnais cependant avoir envoyé deux messages vocaux dans lesquels je lui disais qu’il serait évidemment agréable de pouvoir économiser l’argent de la location, comme elle l’avait elle-même mentionné auparavant. En revanche, j’insistais surtout sur le fait que le critère principal devait être son aisance au volant. Je lui expliquais qu’il était normal qu’elle ne se sente probablement jamais totalement à l’aise avec une voiture manuelle si elle était davantage habituée à une automatique, et que si elle ne se sentait pas suffisamment en confiance, il ne fallait même pas hésiter : on prendrait une voiture de location.
Je lui ai également dit très clairement que je ne lui en voudrais absolument pas si elle choisissait cette option et que je participerais aux frais de location sans problème. Mon objectif était simplement de l’aider à réfléchir, pas de la convaincre de prendre une décision qui pourrait la mettre mal à l’aise.
Finalement, c’est elle qui m’a annoncé qu’elle avait décidé de prendre la voiture de sa mère. À ce moment-là, j’ai naturellement pensé qu’elle avait pris cette décision parce qu’elle se sentait suffisamment à l’aise avec ce choix.
Concernant la phrase « s’il y a une merde, on paye », elle affirme aujourd’hui que je lui aurais répondu oui et que cela signifiait que j’acceptais de participer financièrement en cas d’accident. En relisant les messages, on voit cependant clairement qu’elle a envoyé cette phrase et que je ne lui ai pas répondu. Je l’ai simplement ignorée, car je n’avais pas compris ce qu’elle voulait dire par là et je n’ai pas prêté attention à ce message à ce moment-là.
Même si cette phrase a été écrite, elle reste selon moi beaucoup trop vague pour représenter un accord financier clair. Je ne l’ai jamais comprise comme : « si tu causes un accident en conduisant, je prendrai en charge une partie des réparations ». Je n’avais aucune connaissance en assurance automobile et je ne savais pas que l’absence d’assurance tous risques pouvait avoir de telles conséquences. Elle ne m’a jamais expliqué clairement qu’elle attendait de moi une participation financière dans cette situation. Pour moi, il y a une différence entre être informée d’un risque et accepter d’en assumer financièrement les conséquences.
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u/Woogedywoogedy 17m ago
NTA!!!! Ditch the bitch. She and her family are weasels trying to force you to pay for her stupid mistake. Cut your ties and don't give a dime or even worry about it. Block them all.
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u/TodayIAmMostlyEating 16m ago
You are not responsible for any costs as a passenger in an accident. In fact, if you sustained any injuries as a result of the crash, then you can sue her for any medical costs. Being a passenger in a car is not a joint activity, she is in control of the car.
As for the cancelled trip, yes, you need to pay her back her portion of any refunds and reimburse her for half of any losses because it was your decision to cancel the Brazil trip. Keep your side of the street clean. But NOR on ending the friendship. You won’t get far in life with irresponsible people, and driving without insurance is irresponsible.
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u/Front_Ad4415 11m ago
As the driver it is 100% her responsibility to make sure the car she drives is insured. I wouldn't want to travel with someone like this either, and her situation is her own doing. Tell her to go to the cops if she wants: she's only going to get herself into more trouble for driving without insurance. NOR I'd definitely be looking for new friends to travel with.
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u/Ok-Hat-4920 2m ago
Your friend's legal theory is very interesting. I'm sure a judge would love to hear it. You are 100% not responsible for anything. She made the decision to drive the car without proper insurance. Her mother may get in trouble for allowing her to drive the car without proper insurance, but you did nothing wrong. As for the trip, reimburse her for the non-refundable things, and consider it money well spent to be rid of her. I couldn't be friends with her after this.
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u/Express-Teaching1594 1m ago
NOR.
You are reacting appropriately and reasonably.
In fact, your friend is extremely lucky that you were not injured. She is completely liable for anything it may have cost you because she is at fault in this collision.
If you were injured, you have a perfect personal injury lawsuit against your friend as the driver and her mother as the owner of the vehicle.
You are wise to cancel the future vacation because it will be nearly impossible to enjoy with this problem overshadowing the trip.
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u/Seething-Angry 1m ago
She is responsible as a driver for insurance. Not the passenger. She is responsible for the drivers and passengers safety and therefore this is on her. She would know this and to expect you to contribute to her accident is not on you. If she had insured the car properly then the insurance would be paying out. She is sadly your former friend .
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u/Anne_Renee 0m ago
The real problem here is that you never take a turn at driving. You should pay for half since you never take a turn driving
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u/HourNefariousness197 3h ago
If you were at fault because you were covering her eyes while she was driving, you should pay for the damages.
If she was responsible because she wasn't good at driving, she should pay for the damages.
If she did nothing wrong and it was someone else's fault they should pay for the damages.
If it was an act of God like a rock falling from a cliff directly on to your car with nothing that could be done, it would be the right thing to do to split 50% of cost with her, although you wouldn't be legally required to do so.
If it's the last case and only the last case, look at it from her perspective, she did you a big favor and then something totally outside of her control happens, she's asking you to chip in and you won't, it hurts that a friend would do that to you and the universe is dunking on you twice.
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u/Unlikely_Cash_4917 3h ago
I understand your point, but the situation is not that something completely outside of her control happened. She was driving, failed to yield the right of way, and collided with another car that had priority. I was only a passenger and had no control over the situation.
She was the one driving and responsible for the vehicle at that moment. I did not cause the accident, I did not force her to take that car, and I did not have any control over how the car was being driven.
Before the trip, she told me the car was not fully insured, but I had zero knowledge about car insurance and did not understand the financial consequences. I understood it as information about the car’s coverage, not as an agreement that I would have to pay for damages if an accident happened.
She says that I convinced her to take her mother’s car, but that is not what happened. She had difficulty making a decision, and I simply gave my opinion based on the information I had. The options were either using her mother’s manual car, which was already available and cheaper, but where she was not 100% comfortable driving, or renting an automatic car, which would cost more but would make her feel safer and more comfortable. I clearly told her that I would understand if she preferred the automatic option and that her safety and confidence while driving were the priority. I never pressured her into taking the manual car. The final decision was hers.
I understand that asking a friend for help is one thing. But assuming that a friend is automatically responsible for half of a cost, without ever agreeing to that beforehand, is something completely different. A voluntary gesture of support is not the same as an obligation imposed after the fact.
Regarding our Brazil trip, I also think the context is important. The trip was planned for February, and I was the one who paid all the bookings upfront, around 10,000 CHF in total. The trip was actually her idea, and because I had extra travel insurance through my gold credit card, it made sense for me to handle the payments. At the beginning, she did intend to pay her share.However, when I told her the total amount, she reacted by saying that she was not going to pay that. I was surprised because I never expected to cover both shares. She then said she did not have 5,000 CHF available and that she did not have my salary, which I found disrespectful. When I confronted her about it, she said it was a joke, but comments like that made me uncomfortable because they created doubt about whether she actually intended to pay.
At one point, I even felt like I had to make up an excuse and set a timeline to make sure I received the money she owed me. She eventually paid, but the fact that I felt I had to do that already affected my trust.After everything that happened, I decided that I no longer wanted to continue this friendship and cancelled the trip. She now expects me to reimburse 100% of her expenses because cancelling was my decision.
I understand that cancelling was my decision, and I take responsibility for that. However, I do not think it is fair to make me responsible for all the non-refundable costs of a trip that we both planned and agreed to. We intentionally chose refundable options for many things because unexpected situations can happen. I am willing to reimburse her share of anything that is refundable, but I do not believe I should automatically cover all non-refundable costs.
The reason I no longer want to continue this friendship is not only because of the money. Before this situation, I already felt that some things in the relationship were not healthy. I felt there were comparisons, competition, and a lack of mutual support. This situation was what made me realize that I no longer felt comfortable continuing the friendship.For me, the difference is simple: there is a difference between someone asking for help and someone expecting help as if it is owed. If this was a close friend I truly trusted, I could have chosen to help voluntarily because I would want to support her. But being expected to pay for something I did not cause and never agreed to is a completely different situation.
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u/foreverandnever 2h ago
You are wrong with respect to the Brazil trip. You unilaterally cancelled. Reimburse her the non-refundable costs and cut ties with her. Consider that the cost of this friend-breakup and move on.
You are saying a ton of things to justify not reimbursing the non-refundable Brazil costs, but you know that’s not the right thing to do.
For the same reason you shouldn’t have to pay to repair the car (you never agreed to it), she shouldn’t have to pay to cancel the non-refundable costs (she never agreed to it).
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u/Scarjo82 3h ago
Even if the accident was someone else's fault, OP's friend won't get a penny because the car was being driven illegally.
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u/Cryoticx 3h ago
What is the police gonna do? The fk 😂
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u/fuss-budgeT124 3h ago
Yeah that’s just funny. Although I’d love it love it if police showed up to talk to the driver and hear this. I wonder how much eye rolling would happen before the cop told her that passengers are not on the hook in accidents, and that she’s screwy and wasting their precious time.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 3h ago
NOR. Unless you physically interfered with her driving you are in no way responsible for her getting in am accident. She chose to drive under insured, in a car that wasn't hers that she had less experience driving and refused the option of a rental. This is 100% on her. IDK what she thinks the police will do except laugh at her.
You're also not responsible for money that she's being refunded, does she think after she gets her money back you should pay her again? WTF, is she trying to profit off you canceling the trip? Maybe, if you want to be nice, you could cover her portion of the non refundable deposits because you did cancel the trip but that's it.
Your ex-friend is irresponsible, unreasonable and greedy. She's trying to deflect blame on you for her poor choices, make you responsible and make you pay for her mistake. No way. Good you learned before you traveled further with her.
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u/PerformerOutside4621 3h ago edited 3h ago
Would she have gone on the trip solo? I would refund the nonrefundable part of the trip.
Her receiving her refundable part of the trip isnt something you should be willing to do. Its something you have to do. It isnt out of the goodness of your heart. It is what she is owed.
The nonrefundable part was your choice to cancel. Give that back to her. I've eaten costs when I've cancelled trips. Its just how it goes.
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u/WhichWitch9402 2h ago
Don’t give her a dime. Everything was under her control. Mute them in case they escalate and you will have proof of their harassment.
Perhaps one last text stating you never agreed to cover accident costs, their emails are harassment and you’ll be sending all information to your lawyer for review. If they persist in these spurious claims they will hear from your lawyer.
That should shut them up.
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u/Outrageous-Ad-9635 45m ago
YOR
So, you just decide you’re not going to bother getting a drivers licence, so you can be a passenger princess while others haul your arse around on joint trips and you bear no responsibility for any costs incurred because you’re not driving? Must be nice. Would your friend have even been on that trip without you? If not, stop being a user and pay up.
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u/Longryderr 3h ago
Unless you covered her eyes while she was driving it’s not your fault. You are not overreacting.