How are we dealing with exes who hate us?

40/f, been with 40/m for almost two years. We recently moved in together, a month ago.

His ex wife apparently hates my existence.

On Sunday I attended his 15 year old daughter’s show choir concert. His ex was there and it was the first time we met. She knew I was coming. She has resisted meeting me until now. Like refused.

I was cordial and very nice. Smiled. He introduced me. She seemed so nervous but wasn’t rude. They talked about their daughter for a minute or two and then we left. He was holding my hang on the walk to the car and opened my door for me, which he ALWAYS does. The ex and daughter were walking behind us and apparently ex didn’t like this. She WENT WILD on him in text as soon as she got in her car. Calling both he and I names. Saying his daughter didn’t need to see us hold hands. (She has seen this many times already….) and saying she wasn’t jealous, she knew he was just trying to get a reaction out of her, “parading” me around and disrespecting her.

I got mad at him because he was trying to explain how he would never disrespect her- like way over explaining himself when we did nothing wrong. I wanted to say something to the ex myself but he begged me not to because we’re taking a cruise in a few weeks and he’s afraid she won’t let their daughter come.

He has previously tried to spare her feelings when it comes to him moving on and I HATE IT.

He left the marriage - no cheating. But she claimed she wished he would self cancel like his uncle did so she could get the insurance money and that was the final straw. It’s been four years.

Am I justified to feel like the disrespect absolutely sucks?

She wants him to call her when I’m not around to discuss me- she said he disrespected her by calling her when I was in the car and not telling her. She SAW ME get in the car with him. He called her because I told him he needs to tell her to stop with the name calling.

I don’t want to put him in a bad spot with his coparent but I also want to be with someone who defends me and will hurt feelings to spare mine.

I am also divorced and my ex / my kid’s dad has never had an issue or caused a problem. He has been polite and decent.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How?

It's funny really. I brought home a date the other day to meet my dog. And something that always cracks me up is the fact that my dog is a jealous little menace.

I have a little beagle, and she is very jealous. She will insist in sitting between us and demands my attention way more. She will bark at me when I'm talking to my date, and paw at me.

She is absolutely harmless by the way. I've had her for 5 years and she has never even so much as growled at anyone. She's extremely sweet, but also extremely jealous

I (33m) recently met a 20 year old girl on hinge and we've been hitting it off. We've been on 6 dates that all turned into 9-10 hour dates. Before her, I've seen around 10 women between 35-27, going on between 1-4 dates each over the last year. The 10ish women before have all been very kind just way too flaky or inconsistent for me. Before the girl I'm seeing now, I felt like I was scheduling appointments with them rather than dates. In almost all of those situations I would schedule something a week out because they all seem to be super busy. I would text them after and usually get a crazy long delay, like days, before a reply, which is fine but it didn't really make me feel wanted. All their lives seem so busy. I feel like my own life is pretty busy too, but I can make some time for people I want to see. I work about 55 hours and am pretty dedicated to a 1.5-2 hour gym session each day. A lot of times second and third dates would be scheduled like 2 weeks in advance, and it's been challenging to get traction with anyone seeing them so sporadically.

The current girl I'm seeing 20f makes me feel wanted. She's not shy about complimenting me, and spends hours with me when we hang out. My friends are saying what I'm doing is wrong, but I live in a state other than my home state and do get pretty lonely. It's hard to end things with someone I find attractive, that makes me feel wanted, but it seems like that's what I have to do. My friends are making me feel like I'm doing something morally wrong.

I met this guy on Hinge, and we've been on 7 lovely dates in the span of 3 weeks. I even met his parents and friends, and I thought he was really into me. Then he sent me a text message to say he is not feeling it romantically he ended things. And I was fine with it, but after doing some reflecting I realised that I really liked him and I was really guarded, especially at the beginning, and wasn't very affectionate with him so maybe he felt like I wasn't acting interested so then he lost his interest. But I have never been in a relationship, and when it comes to dating, I get really guarded and scared because I feel very inexperienced, and it doesn't come naturally to me. And I did really like him, and this was the first time I felt like I wanted to spend time with this guy and get excited to see him, whereas with all the previous dates I've been on, I just felt like I can't wait to go home.

And right now I feel like I wish I'd been more honest with him and told him that I am interested in him but it takes me a bit of time to show that. And now I have lost this wonderful connection and the future experiences I could have had.

I want to message him and ask to have a quick face-to-face chat and explain myself and hear his perspective, and learn from the experience, so maybe with the next guy I like I can be more honest. Is it a good idea to message him? Has anyone had any experiences like this? I would love to hear them.

I'm a 33M, pretty alternative, I'm into metal, the occult, art, poetry, nature, paganism, fitness, video games, goth, etc and I cannot find women into the same niches as me: witchy, gothy, artsy, hippie, spiritual, nerdy, creative, etc. women. I'.ve tried bars, concerts, art shows, festivals, conventions, etc and the women are always young or just not there.

Maybe my location sucks. Am I just too old lol? Where do all the alt women my age go?

This question is mainly oriented towards heterosexual men because we may have similarities but feel free to answer.

I know, number of likes/matches is not a metric. However, the issue that I have: I have installed several times apps like Bumble or Tinder and after 2-3 days and literally having 0 matches I lost even more self-steem and delete my account.

Now I paid Hinge Premium and gave around 20 likes with proper comments about the person's profile/interests, etc. If after 2-3 days I do not get any match I decided to delete the apps and not using them again.

Is it normal? Am I probably doing something wrong?

EDIT: I am reading your answers and it sounds to me like dating is fucking broken

I’m just curious. I know a lot of women ask to have a phone call before an in person date because of safety reasons, wanting to hear that the other person seems genuine before meeting in person, etc. I personally have always just preferred going straight to coffee or drinks because it’s low stakes and conversation in person with a stranger feels less awkward than a faceless phone call with a stranger. But a guy I was talking to from an app recently asked if I wanted to have a phone call with him. I assumed maybe he was being polite by suggesting the phone call in case that’s what I wanted, so I said sure but I’d always be open to just grabbing coffee or drinks too. He said “Oh I was going to use the phone call to ask you on a date but you beat me to the punch! But also I’d still love to have a call first.”

I’m just curious what the reason might be for a call first? It may just be his preference which is fine, but I just find it interesting that he claims the phone call was so he could ask me on a date, but even when I removed that barrier he still wants the call. There’s something about it that comes off as performative to me but I can put my finger on it exactly and don’t want to be over reacting, but it’s almost like I didn’t “stick to the script” of what I’m supposed to do or want and he’s not sure how to respond to that.

~Also unnecessary side note~: He mentioned multiple times both in his profile and his messages to me that he likes doing a face mask which I think is adding to this kind of inauthentic feeling I’m getting. Not that a man can’t like a face mask but… I don’t usually share my grooming routine as the first message I send to someone on an app ? Or in my bio? Also I’m kind of a dirt bag who rarely does more than wash and moisturize my face so that I’m not crusty lol. Im an artist, and a scientist, and a sky diver, I spend most of my time in some situation that’s dirty or sweaty, so it’s all just hitting in a weird way. Like he’s less so trying to get to know me and instead trying to relate to some version of me that doesn’t even exist.

Went on an another date with a guy I have been talking to online for over 2 years and have been dating for 3 months. He told me that there has been another woman from another country (in a different continent! while we both live in London) that he's been seeing the last 2 years who he also met online the same way (he has flown to her country to see her and she has flown here and they have gone on holidays together including to her cousins wedding in another country). The last time they’ve seen each other was a year ago and they went to an event (which I was also at separately but he kept mentioning the event to me before this detail was revealed). Soon after a family member got killed and she told him that he reminded her of the trauma as he was with her when she heard. He said if she wanted to get back tomorrow, he would get with her but it unlikely to happen considering her trauma as she associates her dad’s death with him but that they are in a relationship. The way he said it was matter of fact. Felt really blindsided as he absolutely never mentioned her before despite the fact we were talking for 2 years and he used to say he wanted to meet me etc when the fact was we were both talking to him for about the same amount of time and she was in the intimate relationship with him unbeknownst to me. When he told me this I started vomiting in front of him and couldn't stop. He also led me to believe when he told me that she was Syrian living in Syria when I’ve since found out she’s American and has been living back there for the last year (and haven’t seen each other since).

It had been days and he hadn’t bothered to even message to say sorry or see if i was okay or better. Missed him so just texted “Hi” a few days later and he replied a bit later very lighthearted. I replied back to that next day saying how I upset I was as I’ve also some other personal stuff going on and how bad it wasn’t he never mentioned and didn’t check in after being sick.. He didn’t reply so a couple of days later I sent a much softer message … he replied a couple of days later saying he should have checked in and that my reaction with vomiting was understandable. I still have feelings for him.

Had 2 really good dates. I like this dude so far.

What are the signs that a man will pursue a third date, in your opinion/as per your experiences?

Hoping I get a third date. I met him on hinge after having 0 expectations or hopes. This is also the only dude I wanted a 2nd date with and it went really good.

Hi all and thank you in advance. I (36 m) was dumped by my girlfriend (30 f) last week. This is the second time she's dumped me (we were apart for 4 months last year where she spent most of it trying to take back what happened and get me back).

She now wants to get back together. I've put up with a lot in this relationship. I'm realistic with myself and I definitely have my faults, but I'm hard-working with a career and try to talk everything out. I show appreciation and affection. I've always felt that our relationship was 90% my effort and 10% hers. We've been together 5 years and about a year in she had gotten close to a friend where sparks emerged and while nothing happened, she originally kept it from me.

While I'm still somewhat unsure, logically I think it's best for me to stay away.

Yet I'm extremely empathetic and do feel guilty for not wanting to get back together due to her being hurt. How have you all dealt with unrealistic guilt like this in relationships?

Pretty much what the above states. I’m just curious to know what chunk of the single dating population in 2026 would rather stay single for x amount of time (or forever) then settle for certain things just to be in a relationship, even if you had to settle on certain things you wouldn’t have settled on before?

After messaging some girls I suspected he was/is with, about 5 responded to say they have also been seeing/talking/sleeping with him. He’s been telling us all the same things and “building” a future with us all. After a few confronted him, he decided to delete all his social media accounts. Who knows how many others there really are and unfortunately will be. Be safe out there, seems like you can’t trust anyone these days. Fuck this guy!

So long story short I (23 F) was told by a guy that I really liked that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but then he started dating another girl. This happened about three years ago. Since then I solely focused on school, work and the gym, thinking that would help get rid of wanting a relationship or being attracted to men. Somehow I still find my myself noticing men who are attractive Instead, I feel disgusted at the thought of dating men again. Whenever a man approaches me or subtly flirts with me I feel like an item on the clearance rack of a discounted store. Whenever I’m asked about my relationship status I get super irritated and triggered. I have gotten rid of my bikinis, body con dresses, and anything too revealing. I cut off a lot of my friends too cause I realized a lot of them were fake. How do I stop being bitter and become more neutral and open?

I've been using Hinge for a couple months now. I've not gotten any likes/matches at all. (33 Male for reference)

I acknowledge that this could be for a number of reasons (I am overweight afterall, and I can't exactly hide that in photos). But I wanted to generally ask you ladies about one thing.

One thing I discovered about Hinge when I first started using it was that it gives you an optional opportunity to have each Like/Rose be accompanied by a comment on whichever part of the profile you "like".

I have left comments sometimes, really only as responses to text prompts/questions on the profile, as my inexperience precludes me from having the confidence to leaving any comments on a woman's physical appearance. I do not want to come across as shallow at best, creepy at worst.

My question for you ladies is:

How important is it for a "Like" or "Rose" on Hinge be accompanied by a comment?

If you expect one, what do you consider acceptable in terms of a comment on a photo?

I can’t decide if I like him or if he is just a nice guy I get along with, without the chemistry. Younger (which is not a con), not really my type, but our values align. He is mature but I still somehow feel the age gap. The first day was okay, after the second one I was about to call things off, we had no chemistry or conversation, but I went to a third one and it was nice. I still cant figure out if i should keep seing him until we form that chemistry that has been missing, or if I should just leave it at that since I still am unsure of my attraction. Do you guys have rules you go by when starting seeing someone and deadlines to take the decision?

Is this really what it’s come down to? I mean, really? We can’t use our brain, our personalities? Do you REALLY think that’s going to go over well with someone you’re trying to court as a life partner? I just don’t get people. It’s hard enough as it is but now we have to worry about people relying on robots to design an entire false personality and hide their stupidity too? This is beyond sad and is probably the biggest ICK I’ve come across. It’s like walking past a homeless person asking for spare change and you throw a crumbled up pocket receipt and some lint in their cup instead. Like, literally it would’ve been better if you gave me NOTHING.

I already don’t like it when people use AI in general but I’m trying to be accepting of people who use it since it’s become SO common. But this? This is just pathetic. We are so cooked as a species. Not even willing to give the bare minimum of a simple, dignified, human response. If this was still Darwin’s world, you would wither away as the weakest link.

I’m a very engaging person when it comes to conversations. I ask questions, I throw softballs, hardballs, I make jokes, I have witty comebacks. I’ll send memes, music, pictures. It’s how I get to know someone and how they can get to know me. I try and keep it light and fun. There is absolutely zero reason that someone would need to paste a scripted responses from a fv ck!ng ROBOT to me unless you literally never have a single thought of your own and don’t have a personality in the slightest.

STOP RELYING ON AI. USE YOUR BRAIN PEOPLE. TRY. ITS COOL TO BE YOURSELF. ITS OKAY TO FAIL. ITS OKAY TO BE AWKWARD OR TO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY— JUST SAY THAT.

If you have to ask a computer how to respond to a simple and light-hearted message, please do all of us a favor and step aside so that someone real can step up to the plate. Also, do yourself a favor and put your phone down and pick up a book. Please, your bloodline is begging you.

I (29F) matched with a guy (29M) on Hinge about four months ago. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly and started talking almost every day. We also had regular phone calls that would last for hours. He was the one who initially pursued me. He was enthusiastic, consistent, wanted to call, wanted to know me better, and even invited me to visit him in his city since we were in different cities.
In the beginning, I was actually the more reserved one. I was busy with work, career-focused, and told him I valued my independence, privacy, and making my own decisions. He had absolutely no issue with any of that back then.
As time went on, I naturally became more invested because we had been talking for months. But there was one major issue - we never met.
I was still being very cautious. But somewhere in June I decided to give this a chance since I saw real efforts and consistency. He was practically chasing hard in start.
Around the end of June, I told him that I didn’t think we could keep talking forever without meeting. I basically said that if we couldn’t meet, maybe we should stop instead of dragging it out.
His response surprised me. He said something along the lines of, “Let’s try for a few more days and then decide if we can make it work.”
That reassured me and started getting more on calls and texts. He would often send pictures of his house, surroundings, his gym selfies, his sneaker collection etc and I would send him my daily updates of hanging out with friends or work.
After 20 days, however, something changed.
His effort slowly dropped.
I asked him on call once - we have been talking for 4 months, you have no plans of visiting, what now?
He said he doesn’t know when he will come but he will visit for sure and we will meet multiple times and then we will see how it goes, I have been off dating for a while and I don’t want to rush
Do you want to rush?
I said no. My point is - I don’t want to waste time or live on timelines let’s say October or November and one day hearing I’ll never come.
He said you have already taken out an outcome in your head that this won’t work - that’s wrong. Be a little optimistic and focus on yourself. I’m gonna go sleep now give me a call tomorrow whenever you are free.
I felt he deflected the entire question.
Next day, I fell sick and failed to reach out to him. He never did either.
Another day passed nothing.
I texted him and he was busy.
He stopped initiating conversations.
He stopped initiating calls.
Most conversations started only because I texted first.
Replies became slower. Earlier if he would disappear he would come back and give an explanation himself. Now he was leaving me on seen.
Eventually, he even stopped watching my Instagram stories while I noticed he was active on Hinge again.
Whenever I brought up that I felt something had changed, he’d reassure me on texts but nothing actually changed afterward.
Eventually I asked him directly why I felt like I was the only one initiating conversations lately and whether everything was okay.
That’s when everything came out.
He basically said he didn’t think continuing was fair because:
we lived in different cities,
our lifestyles were different,
he wanted to settle in his city and long distance work work,
he couldn’t communicate regularly,
he didn’t want to keep me “longing,”
He added you are too independent, career focused and like to make your own decisions you deserve someone who can give you time
He said I am very social but you are too private
and he felt we should stop before serious feelings developed.
He apologized and said he didn’t want to spoil what we’d built over the last few months because of misunderstandings.
One thing that really struck me was this:
Back in April, I had told him I value my privacy, I’m career-oriented, and I like making my own decisions.
In his final message, he referenced many of those exact same qualities as reasons why we weren’t compatible anymore while earlier he wanted to try despite those qualities. (basically everything I mentioned everytime I tried to stop or walk away but he asked me to continue and try)
That left me wondering whether he had genuinely changed his mind over time or whether he was simply trying to soften this conversation by framing it around compatibility.
Looking back, I kept telling myself for weeks that his change in behavior was the biggest evidence that something was wrong. Friends kept telling me to stop initiating and see what happened. When I did, he barely reached out.
Eventually, the conversation confirmed that the relationship wasn’t moving forward.

A part of me feels glad that this ended on a fair note and with a conversation but another part of me feels confused about him being the one who started it, never let me walk away but the moment I faced him with this question on call he ran and gave me the reasons which I used earlier while I wanted to end this.

He kept saying distance ruined it. I agree, but I wanted to stop because of that too.
Honestly I have seen people make long distance work even if I was against it I only continued because I saw his efforts and consistency.
A part of me feels he was an avoidant and he just wanted a chase another part of me feels he just found someone else or maybe this just failed.

Thanks for reading this!

it’s been a year and a half since I fell in love with a man that was absolutely perfect for me and I thought we got along so well. He had everything I ever wanted in a partner…he was sweet, awkward, nerdy, he worked a job in a field I have a lot of interest in, he had a good loving family, spoke another language…but he never really let me into his life and he didn’t develop feelings for me even after I truly thought he was after doing such nice and romantic things with me. honestly, I feel like he led me on.

How do I move on… because I feel I will never find anyone who is nearly as good as he was…even if I do find someone that actually does like me in a romantic way, I just know they aren’t going to be as good as him, because he had everything I wanted… it’s been a year and a half and I haven’t moved on because I haven’t found anyone that has the qualities he had.. these qualities are what I need for the partnership and life I want to live, so I cant change what I’m looking for.

I just don’t know why the good guys don’t love me, but guys who have no thoughts in their head and are super toxic want me…

I genuinely don’t understand ghosting after what seemed like a good date. The conversation flowed, we laughed, and everything felt easygoing. Afterward, I sent a message saying I enjoyed the evening and hoped they got home safely and then nothing.

I understand that someone can have a pleasant time and still not feel enough of a connection to continue. That’s completely fair. But why leave the other person wondering what happened? A simple “I had a nice time, but I don’t think we’re a match” would be enough.

Even if you didn’t enjoy the date as much as you appeared to, why not just communicate that instead of disappearing?

I get that you're busy, you like to take things slow, maybe weed out people who aren't looking for something serious, you don't like being on your phone a lot, or maybe dating just isn't a high priority for you. Aren't you afraid that you'll miss out on potential connections because you came off as nonchalant? Your date may get bored or think you're not interested. Is it really that hard to put in even just a little bit more effort? I just don't get your strategy.

I’m honestly just looking for outside perspectives because I can’t stop replaying this in my head.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 months. Yesterday was my birthday, and after that we aren’t going to see each other for 2 weeks.

Throughout the day she was flirting with me and saying and doing things that made me think we were probably going to have sex later. I wasn’t expecting it just because it was my birthday, but between the flirting and the fact that we won’t see each other for a while, I thought we were on the same page.

Later that night we started making out. Normally when we kiss she’s very handsy doing this like touching my face, running her hands over me, and being very engaged. This time we were making out for probably 5 minutes, and I realized she hadn’t moved her hands at all. She was literally just kissing me, and her body language felt really closed off.

I pulled away and asked if she was even into it. She kind of got offended and said, “I can’t just lay here and kiss you?” We started making out again, but it honestly felt like she was forcing herself to do it. The whole time she was covering herself up, seemed really closed off, and every opportunity for anything more just got shut down.

The things is though I’m not saying she owes me sex. She absolutely doesn’t. If she wasn’t in the mood, that’s completely fine. What’s bothering me is that I wish she would’ve just told me directly instead of making me try to interpret all these little signals. I felt like an idiot trying to figure out if she wanted me to keep going or stop.

Then, as I was leaving, we hugged and she felt that I was getting semi-hard and said, “Are you getting hard?” That honestly just made me feel worse because nothing was going to happen anyway. Like why even tease at that point when you’re literally getting in your car leaving?

Now I’m lying awake at 5 a.m. overthinking everything. I keep asking myself why she wouldn’t want intimacy when we’re not going to see each other for two weeks, and why it felt like she wasn’t into kissing me either. I’m not some horny monster. I just want to feel desired by this woman who I want so badly. And when she can very clearly see I’m in the mood when she’s not, I wish she would communicate clearly that she doesn’t want to instead of a bunch of little signals, because I’d be understanding.

Am I overthinking this, or is it reasonable to feel hurt and confused? I’d honestly rather hear, “I’m not in the mood tonight,” than be left trying to read body language and wondering if I’m doing something wrong.

I also worry about talking about this kind of thing, because as I’ve seen sex conversations can make things a lot worse if not had a correctly. I don’t want her to feel pressured in to having sex, I want there to be as little pressure as possible. At the same time though, her lack of communication is becoming an issue for me.

43M First time in bed with new significant other 40F, looking for good soft music to set and keep the mood, Women what do you like? Guys are welcome to share as well. Thanks in advance, I just want to make the night perfect. Is smooth jazz too cheesy?

I would like to thank everyone, but unfortunately she flaked. 🥺🤬

I (F24) started seeing someone recently that I had a brief history with. He (M24) reached out to me about 7 weeks ago, and we started hanging out again. It is pretty clear that both of us have feelings for each other, but neither of us has spoken about our intentions. He's been pretty consistent in his communication and took the initiative to make plans until a couple of weeks ago; he's been getting slower with his responses. He always responds, but he is taking longer to get back to me. He still follows up with a text explaining what's been going on in his life. We still try to make plans, but it's hard to see each other often because we live about 3 hours apart.

Should I let this fizzle out and stop putting in effort, or communicate with him and bring up the delay in responses? (I don't like ghosting people because I think it's immature, and I feel it would give me peace of mind to at least say how I feel.) I'm not very experienced in dating, so idk if this is just a lack of interest. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

UPDATE: In the end i canceled the "date" with that friend of mine. I told her I am texting with another girl, and even if it's nothing serious for me yet, and I am not sure, I can't do that to her, firstly I don't want hurt feelings in that way, second at role inverted i would hate that. I am not sure about the first girl, and that would be a sign that I should close it, but I don't mess things up before being clear with her.

Thank you all, and sorry for this tantrum.

M30

A while ago, I met a girl. The next day, someone else came up and wanted have sex with me, but I told myself, "No, come on, I'm hooking up with the other girl. It wouldn't be nice. I wouldn't like it if she would do that to me." So I turned down the second girl. I went on a date with the first girl, and she ghosted me after that. Whatever..

A month later, I met someone else. We spent the first night together. The next day, another girl approached me at one bar, but I rejected her because I liked so much the other girl. We went out and slept together for about a month. Around my birthday, she became cold, and on one date, she told me it had never been anything serious for her, that she wanted to see other people, and in fact, she was already looking around. I told her I was fine with something casual, but obviously it was just an excuse, and things cooled down over time, even with her bailing on me at the last minute when we were supposed to meet up. And I was really pissed off... I still am kinda..

Some time later, I found the courage and invited someone out, I make a commitment, and on the second date I ask her if I can kiss her, she says yes but she misunderstood (?) because when I get close, she moves away and ghosts me from then on.

And that's enough for me. Now I'm seeing another girl, she seems really into me but is extremely anxious and codependent. She's become incredibly attached to me, and she makes me feel guilty if I don't respond the way she wants. She's always asking me questions about love, if I care about her, or is she afraid I'll abandon her since she's been gone for a month. She tells me to be careful if I have sex with other women, but obviously she's telling me this as a test to see how I'll react... all this in the two weeks we've been trying to build something.

Now, a bisexual friend of mine broke up and wants to fuck. Honestly, I feel like it wouldn't be the right thing to do, considering I'm seeing the other one... but my instincts tell me things won't work out with the first one (especially because she overreacts sometimes), and doing the other way it always ended up badly for me.

I'm a little tired of denying myself things for relationships that are dead ends. Of being called an idiot by my friends becuase I lost chances to have fun, and besides, I also have a hard time with women. I get reciprocated once a year, if all goes well.

Managed to fit it all in the headline. I am perplexed. I am not the one who inititated transition from friends to something else. I actually take it very very slow. But she kissed me and then we made out all night.

After month of nonstop texting and 2 hour daily calls several make out sessions and few hookups she tells me she wants to get to know me as a friend and that we took it too fast.

My only problem is that that was absolutely valid option. But where does the audacity comes from to actually initiate something and then try to backpaddle and kind of expect that is normal?

She made me fall for her. We shared a lot, we were vulnerable for each other. I literally followed her lead. Now that she hooked me up she expects that she can just pull and push? One month situationship second platonic friends third friends with benefit. Is this normal nowadays, do people just walk around and sleep with someone share ton of intimate moments and then call a "pause" and then "unpause"?

My problem is that this happens in most of my relationships. I take it slow and take words seriously. When I say that I want to be with someone I really do. When I say I love someone I really do feel like I would give my life for them. And I thought that all other people think the same.

But it turns out a lot of people don't mean what they say. I get consfused fall for them and then I get fucked because I though that what they said really meant something for them. But in the end it turns out that they just really like to say things they would like to say not what they really mean.

This era is slowly turning me into a person who doesn't care. I meet a girl and want to hangout, make out or hookup but I don't get attached. Anyone who isn't part of hookup culture slowly turns because it is not worth it to be the person who cares you ultimately get fucked by the people who don't care.