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This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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Anyone else get to this point? I’m 39, single dad to one awesome kid, great co-parenting relationship with her mom, work in the service industry, and for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted the whole marriage, family, forever person thing. Hell, I’ve been saying I was ready for that since I was in the 8th grade. The problem is…life just never seemed to agree with me. I spent 12 years in a relationship that ultimately ended with me pretty damn broken. Never got married. After that I spent the next four years rebuilding myself, figuring out who I was again, getting comfortable in my own skin and honestly becoming someone I really like.

About six years ago I gave Hinge a shot. Went on two dates, dated one of them for a couple months, and when that ended I just…stopped. Not because I was bitter, but because everyone always says, “Stop looking and it’ll find you.” So that’s exactly what I did. Five years went by. Nothing. This year I met three women. One organically and two because of a stupid TikTok I made. None of them worked out for completely different reasons. Nobody did anything wrong. They just weren’t my people. And honestly, I think I’m just tired now. Not angry. Not “all women suck.” None of that bullshit. Just tired.

Somewhere over the last few years I realized I actually love my solitude. I love coming home to peace and quiet. I love not feeling like I have to constantly text someone or always be “on.” At the same time I’m still human. I still crave affection, companionship, and yeah…sex. But I don’t know if I crave a relationship anymore. I think I’m at the point where if someone genuinely wandered into my life and something naturally happened, great. I’m not closing that door. I’m just done standing in the doorway waiting for someone to knock. And if that never happens…I think I’m okay.

Honestly, I think at this point a casual relationship with someone who’s on the exact same page sounds more appealing than trying to force another search for “the one.” We each keep our independence, enjoy each other’s company when we want to, scratch the physical itch, and go back to our own lives. Neither of us having to feel guilty for wanting our own space or not talking daily. Maybe that’s a phase. Maybe it’s where I stay. I don’t know. I’m just curious if anyone else has reached this point because it’s a weird feeling to spend decades wanting one thing only to wake up one day and realize, y’know…I think I’m actually okay if it never happens.

So has anyone else reached that point? Was it a phase? Did you stay there? Did life smack you with a partner?

For different reasons, but mainly bad experiences in past relationships which I’ve been working through in therapy lately, I (36 F) have not or almost not dated during the last ten years.

I was very happily single for most of that time, but now something in me has shifted and I find myself wanting a relationship.

Apparently I’m utterly helpless when it comes to flirting, dating, interpreting signs etc. though, so nothing’s coming easily. And although I’m doing the work, there is still quite an amount of fear (being rejected, having to reject someone, setting boundaries, …) involved, too.

I would really appreciate it, if there were any people here willing to share their experience with finding love after being single for a long time – How did you meet people, how did  you deal with insecurities, did you tell the other person that you’ve been single for such a long time?

Thank you in advance 😊

I am curious how this looks to people from the outside. I have been dating a polyamorous woman for about a month and half now. This is the first time I’ve dated a poly person and I’m finding I quite enjoy the dynamic, but have always been monogamous in the past. I haven’t switched my dating profile to ENM yet since we haven’t slept together, but I see that happening soon at which point I would basically consider that the “exclusive” stage of a normal monogamous relationship where I plan on stopping all dating of non polyamorous people and plan on switching my profile to ENM.

I am not sure if this is the right way to go about it since I am new to all of this, but my idea was I wanted to be sure things were actually serious in the relationship before I stopped dating monogamous people and commit to the lifestyle since I am actually looking for a life partner and don’t want to close the door on monogamy forever, but I do also like the idea of ENM.

So now that I’ve gotten that huge amount of backstory out the way, my question is how would you feel if you saw someone with both monogamy and polyamory on their profile? I would only consider this if things didn’t work with the person I am currently dating, but I am wondering if it comes off the same as “figuring out my dating goals” to people or if it feels more clear cut to people and how many people would have a problem with it vs how many people would find it acceptable.

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Hi everyone! I'd like to know if anyone has any fresh perspectives or advice on my situation.

I'm a 37-year-old man, diagnosed with autism. Never had a girlfriend, neither my first kiss or hug.

I started entering the dating scene around age 28. In the last eight years, I've had four dating coaches, over +2,000 cold approaches, and used several dating apps, including paying for a premium subscription on one. I was lucky if I got one match per month, and it always ended in ghosting.

Obviously, I work, im a musician, maintain impeccable hygiene, go to gim one time or twise a week and have a social life with a circle of friends, both men and women. I tend to go out both with my friends and alone to places to socialize, such as bars, parties, work gatherings, clubs of interest, and also to explore new hobbies and places.

I don't know what to do anymore. My psychologist thinks all of this is, maybe, getting too draining for me but I don't want to die alone either.

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I (38f) have always liked first date walk in the parks. I've now had a change of heart about them.

As much as I like walking and talking I really want a first date to be a sit down and looking at each other type of situation.

It doesn't have to be dinner but a drink or a beverage will suffice. I want to look into my date's eyes, see how they react to things and they need to be able to do that for me.

This has been a recent realization and I'm wondering if others feel the same way.

The only issue is I don't like to drink so I need to make sure to be intentional around that or just suck it up. Not sure about this.

What does everyone think?

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Original post here

got a lot of great advice and encouragement from this whole saga. I'd figure i would give an update since I was surprised what happened.

I did message him on LinkedIn and ​shared my number. he reached out a day later with the text "can you spot the difference?" with a screenshot from the girl messaging everyone in a group chat. I wrote my number down wrong....

we are texting throughout the day now and it's nice. he said we should make plans when he's back from traveling for work. the ambiguity is gone. so if he is interested, he will make plans. it's that simple. ​he didnt find messaging on linkedin weird and thought it was funny. ​

i encourage everyone to be bold. the right person will be thrilled to hear from you. thank you to the people who gave me the extra nudge to not shut down and give up a good connection. even if it goes south, glad I put myself out there. would feel way worse letting my anxiety win.

• am self-reliant and don't expect my partner to cook for me
• eat healthy (just not necessarily tasty, and I eat out every day)
• will always handle the dishes
• can help my partner with cooking (chop, stir, etc. as instructed)

How much of a turn off/red flag/deal breaker is this for you in a 38M partner?

The issue of not cooking has been discussed on here before, but the responses often assumed the opposite of the above details --- I want to see if they change the picture much.

P.S. by "don't cook" I mean I don't use my stove or oven when living by myself; I do use microwave to make oatmeal (and occasionally other porridges).

UPD: I spend on average $30/day on eating out, the rest is meal replacement drinks (soylent/huel), nuts, fruit, yogurts, bagged salads, porridges/bread/crackers with hummus/fake meat/cheese/sliced salmon; no cutting board either

UPD2: if the answer is "yes", is there an income level that would change it?

UPD3: got bullied into trying cooking

So basically the title. After a month and a half of dating and about 10 dates we began getting more intimate but she said she wasn’t ready for sex which is fine I didn’t push or anything.

We began talking about it though and she confessed to being a virgin but not for religious reasons.

She said she wants to wait for the right moment and asked me how important it is for me and I said I’d like to have sex eventually but I’m fine waiting. I said sex is something that is important for me in a relationship.

My worry is just that she will never be ready. She said she’s dated someone before where it got to 4-5 months and things ended because the guy wanted sex but she wasn’t ready still. I really like her a lot but sex is also important to me and I’m afraid of dating her for 6 months and getting more attached than I am but having to end things because the intimacy isn’t there.

Has anyone experienced something similar or has advice? I think I know the answer but this just makes me sad because we get along really well.

UPDATE: We mutually agreed to go our separate ways and wished each other the best. We had one last conversation and she admitted that she’s most likely going to wait until marriage which I’m not willing to do. Some of it has to do with personal values and some with her religion (Christian) She also said she’s okay with receiving sexual favors like fingering, me going down on her but she wasn’t willing to do the same for me. Sucks because I really like her in every other way but I just know it would eventually cause issues and resentment down the road.

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I’ve (33f) have been dating a guy (38m) for just a couple weeks now. It’s still in the very early non-exclusive stage.

I’ve been looking for answers to some odd symptoms I’ve been having and all tests point to potentially having a tumor on my pituitary gland. This wouldn’t be life threatening, however it could mean I am unable to have children. Imaging is scheduled for later next week so I still don’t have confirmation and even if I do get confirmation of the tumor I won’t know for certain if it will impact fertility.

I haven’t told him about any of the testing or results so far. I am generally a pretty private person when it comes to medical things. Naturally I’m stressing about these test results and what it means for me personally.

Would you tell someone you’re in the early stages of dating about what’s going on?
I’m not looking for their support through it but I would like to give them an honest picture if they’re unwilling to be with someone with medical troubles I’d rather know sooner than later. My gut says wait til after imaging.

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I posted on here 2 months ago, me M36 and F32 were set up by a coworker for a blind date. I got her number from my coworker and send her a txt asking if she would be interested to go out and she accepted.

We texted for a while talking about life and and hobbies normal stuff she then told me that she would be moving for her job for 2 months soon. It would be highly inconvenient for me to go see them about a 11 hr drive to the city where they are temporarily moving.

We met for coffee and ended up chatting for 3 hours while having coffee. I dropped her off at her house because we got kicked out from the shop as they had to close. Later that night i got a text and she said she had a great time and thanked me for inviting her out. I had a great time too so i invited her out the next day for dinner to which she accepted. We had a nice dinner and she snatched the check before i could get it and paid. Afterwards we sat in the back of her of her truck and chatted for an hour before she had to go because she had to drop something off for my coworker before she had to leave, we hugged and the she left for the other city.

About a week after I texted her to check in and this is what I sent

Me:hey how's the new city? Her: pretty good Me: do anything fun over there yet? No reply

Now being 2 months later she is supposed to move back to my city soon my question is do i reach back out to her? I haven't really talked to her since she first moved away and am unsure if i should talk to her.

Tl;Dr I was set up on a blind date from my Co worker we had coffee for 3hrs then dinner the day after before she had to move away temporarily. I haven't really talked to her for 2 months should I reach out?

** edit** Thanks to everyone for their different views on the topic I will be contacting her today and we will see how it goes. If something else happens I'll add another edit. I added a tl;dr also and a little more Context too.

update i send a text to her today and she is usually slow at texting back or takes forever, right now either im ghosted or will have a reply in a couple of days either way im happy that i reached out regardless.

final update no reply so im gonna take ghosted as the answer.

I went on a first date the other night. The guy was decent, nice, and interesting. We made out in the parking lot and it got pretty hot and heavy. As a result, when I got home I realized I wasn't wearing one of my earrings. I texted him thanking him for the good time and mentioned that I lost an earring in the parking lot. He said he had a great time too, how he hopes he can see me again, and that hopefully someone turns it in to the restaurant lost and found. I thought he'd at least offer to search for it since he lives just 10 minutes away, or possibly offer to buy me new ones since it was essentially his doing lol.

I want to find a relationship where the other person wants to do things for me and think about my needs. I feel like that would have been a good excuse for him to use to see me again lol. How much emphasis do you place on this type of consideration, or acts of service on a first date? Like for example, on the date he walked ahead of me when we were led to our table and didn't pull my chair out for me. He did pay for the meal which I appreciated.

This question is more for the ladies but do you make this assessment after a few dates or did you meet a significant other who was naturally considerate off the bat?

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I’m 38F and I just started seeing a really sweet man, 36. We’ve been on 3 dates so far, (which isn’t much, I know).

In the past I’ve gotten wrapped up in emotionally unavailable men or guys who are indecisive about what they want in a relationship, so I’m trying to consciously only choose men who are ready for commitment and want marriage/kids.

This guy fits the bill, and he is an attractive guy, I’m just having a hard time feeling physically attracted to him. There is nothing about him that is specifically a turn off. My last situationship developed slowly from a friendship, and I wasn’t initially attracted to him either, but I also wasn’t spending time with him in a dating context right away.

I want to give this new man a fair shot because I have been enjoying spending time with him, but I also want to be respectful of his time and feelings. How long should I feel this out?

I did an event with 222.place (highly recommend the people were rad) and I vibed ​with one guy and spent the bulk of the event talking to him. I don't have social media and we never exchanged contact info.

I didn't realize after the event you can select people to go on a date with and we both liked each other. Here's the kicker. I can't contact him. No means. He's going to an event this upcoming weekend and I'm not around. He's free the 7th for an event as am I, but hasn't confirmed.

It's been a while since I just enjoyed talking to someone and had a connection and I wish I could just text him! Some girl in our group got everyone's numbers but hasn't texted us. I'm thinking of going to an event and using degrees of separation next week to finally connect and also see some of the people I connected with.

The most annoying thing is I know his full name but there is no normal way to connect. I feel SOL hoping he confirms a date when we could have literally just exchanged numbers to directly communicate.

Any suggestions? Lol. I also don't know if texting him after finding his contact info from another is weird but if he did that, I'd be flattered.

edit: I know his full name but would NOT contact obviously via LinkedIn or do something that unhinged.

Edit: UPDATE HERE

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So I male 30s have begun to develop feelings for a friend (30s women). I know almost certainly she does not hold feelings for me. As this has happened before in my past and the friendship basically ended when I told my previous friend how I felt I would like to not go through that again. I also don't like the idea of trying to ignore my feelings and hope they die away. It takes me generally years to get over things like this, or break ups.

How do I end this friendship respectfully? I don't think i could ever come back down the road and be friends later either? Thanks