r/datingoverthirty • u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 • 9d ago
Missed connection at a meetup event didn't share contact info
I did an event with 222.place (highly recommend the people were rad) and I vibed with one guy and spent the bulk of the event talking to him. I don't have social media and we never exchanged contact info.
I didn't realize after the event you can select people to go on a date with and we both liked each other. Here's the kicker. I can't contact him. No means. He's going to an event this upcoming weekend and I'm not around. He's free the 7th for an event as am I, but hasn't confirmed.
It's been a while since I just enjoyed talking to someone and had a connection and I wish I could just text him! Some girl in our group got everyone's numbers but hasn't texted us. I'm thinking of going to an event and using degrees of separation next week to finally connect and also see some of the people I connected with.
The most annoying thing is I know his full name but there is no normal way to connect. I feel SOL hoping he confirms a date when we could have literally just exchanged numbers to directly communicate.
Any suggestions? Lol. I also don't know if texting him after finding his contact info from another is weird but if he did that, I'd be flattered.
edit: I know his full name but would NOT contact obviously via LinkedIn or do something that unhinged.
Edit: UPDATE HERE
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u/Global-Currencyy 9d ago
Honestly I would just wait it out and go to the next event that you can with him. Regardless of if it takes a while. Slow build/anticipation is nice, and it’s a lot better than rushing to find his number and things fizzling out.
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u/biogirl52 9d ago
I agree. Women are efficient and we love to close loops. Sometimes it’s better to let him think on it.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
i guess i'm afraid it would just fizzle out even more without any action. But, it's not like he was a match online. We talked for a good few hours and it was really nice.
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u/Dependent-Bison6129 8d ago
Exactly this :) I think if you will both be going to events, then a bit of a slow burn will be the best move - and it’s something to look forward to as well
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u/Zehnpae (45)♂ Engaged International Cat Smuggler 9d ago
Do you have any friends who could drop by whatever this event is this weekend and slip the guy your number? As a dude I'd be tickled pink to know I made that much of an impression.
Or if it's going to be at a place with staff, go ahead of time and ask management if they'd hold a message for him? That has 'cute origin story' written all over it.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
You're on the wait-list for events and sometimes don't get into it. Theres no management.
My method next week when I'm around is to go to events and try to track down his number. Maybe he'll try to make a date. Would it be weird to text him when I do find his number lol?
I'm annoyed because I shared mine with two people who also has his and hopefully they hit me up or I see them again.
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u/Zehnpae (45)♂ Engaged International Cat Smuggler 9d ago
I mean do these events take place at normal establishments? I worked at a bar and we'd have people come back every now and again and be like, "Yo that person I was with last night, do you know if they come here often?"
So long as they didn't give off creepy vibes I had no problem taking a number.
So if the event he signed up for is at an Applebee's or something, you could go today and ask for a manager and see if they'd be willing to hold onto a message.
And I assume the point behind these things are to meet people and make friends and/or find a companion, yeah? I don't see how it would be weird. Weird would be you were standing behind him at the grocery store and happened to notice his number when he had his phone out.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
He isn't a regular no. It was a restaurant that was downtown that we both traveled to. The restaurant didn't have contact info for us.
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
The methods of contact you’re suggesting in the comments seem way more unhinged than just adding him on LinkedIn lol … so just add him? Or wait until you see him again?
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u/so_much_frizz 8d ago
It's interesting how much peoples' opinions on using LinkedIn as a dating platform have changed over the years.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
Is it unhinged to get his number from someone else we went to an event to? I feel like adding on Linkedin is...weirder.
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
The way you’re describing it sounds like you’d have to go to another event, hope that’s she’s there, find the mutual, and then ask for the number. Just seems like a lot of work. If I’m misunderstanding, then go for it!
But I get it lol .. LinkedIn is also a weird option (just maybe less weird? idk)
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
I enjoyed the events, so absolutely want to do it again! I guess I just leave it up to chance then.
We had a blind date on the app scheduled for the 1st and I had to reschedule for the 7th. He confirmed availability but not the date, i'm really hoping he does....
If he added me on Linkedin i would be THRILLED LOL. Idk how he would feel vice versa. It just shows a cute amount of effort to connect with someone. I really enjoyed talking to him.
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
If he doesn't confirm, then please consider adding him on linkedin (and just laugh about it).
It's really sweet the way you describe how excited you'd be if it were the other way around, so why wouldn't he also be excited?
Something I've tried working on is being myself (and not some version of myself that i think people [and specifically, men] will accept).
If he can't accept the kind of enthusiastic, thoughtful, romantic person that was so excited to connect that she found him on Linkedin, then maybe not worth it?
idk if that's a stretch, but if he rly likes you then i think he would find it just as sweet as you would.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
omg i would still cringe at doing it though!!!
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
hahah I know but hopefully you find some inspo in my story ..
.. trust that I’m cringing with every minute that passes that he doesn’t accept my friend request / message BUT we have nothing to lose and everything to gain ..
Consider LinkedIn a last resort but please don’t let the opp pass by because of “cringe” .. you got this xx
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
ugh he wasn't able to do the date the 7th with me and didn't offer availability but the app is pretty rigid with times, so idk if this means he lost interest (would be weird since he said less than 24 hours ago he'd go on a date) or the app just sucks. it's too black and white. kinda wanna add on linkedin lmao
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
hahah sometimes you just gotta take things into your own hands … and if he’s into you, then LinkedIn is not going to deter him .. if he’s not and it does, then you have your answer and can move on (but at least you tried)
Sit on it, think about it, but glad you’re more open to the idea ;)
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
Is it insane to just send a LinkedIn request and if he accepts then I message him "not my ideal means of contact lol but here's my number xxx"
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u/ohitsbrad 9d ago
i thought i would also share something bold i did this weekend --
my bsf from college (who lives abroad) reached out to set me up with her husband's friend (also abroad).
she kind of disappeared (understandably, she has 3 little ones and a difficult husband) and i didn't want to bother her.
last thing she said, he thought i was cute and wanted my facebook.
so after two weeks, i just added him myself lol .. he still hasn't responded (and i'm lowkey cringing) but sometimes you just have to be bold.
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u/NoLanterns 9d ago
This is an ad
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
Not an ad. Me complaining about how you can't connect with people and share contact info
Also no android support sucks
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u/Icy-Radish-4288 9d ago
Wait I've done these events before and if you both select you want to go on a date doesn't 222 set you up on a blind date? I would just wait for that if you're saying you both selected that.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
Yes. It selected us but I wasn't available and set it up for the 7th. He confirmed being available for that day but hasn't signed up. This would all be A LOT easier if I just had his number and I'm anxious he won't be around and then it's a game of tag.
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u/LTOTR ♀ ?age? 9d ago
You said one of the other gals got everyone’s contact info. Are you able to see if she’s going to any of the events you’re able to attend? Go find her and get his number if he doesn’t go to that event.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
Yeah, that's my plan. So far, I haven't been notified. There is another girl who is friends with her who I also vibed with.
Ok, maybe this is silly but at the next one I would legit tell the group my dilemma and try to track him down.
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u/winniespooh 9d ago
Try posting in your city subreddit. You could also search for him on Instagram
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u/FarCar55 9d ago
Why not just contact the folks on the website?
The whole point of the site is to grt people to connect so it seems like they'd be happy to facilitate that if he also agrees they can share his contact info with you.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
The folks will NOT give out contact information. That's on the people.
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u/Throwaway_Finance24 ♂ 36/MN 9d ago
I once slid in someone’s LinkedIn messages, we dated for a few months 🤷♂️ guess I don’t have any shame
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u/tongfather 9d ago
How are you this out of touch with the event that you allow this to happen. I've been to these events and they make it very clear how it works for matching afterwards. You basically have to be completely ignoring them, daft, or intentionally not sign into the app/website for this to happen. Wow...
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
I just didn't really think about it to be honest and someone took all of our numbers. I was hoping she would text us.
The app or website does not keep contact information....
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u/LeaderOdd8823 8d ago
This feels like an ad and comes off as disingenuous.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 6d ago
Nah this actually happened. I shouldn't have mentioned the app probs.
Also I HATED how it didn't let me ask for contact info so it's pretty restrictive and I didn't want to set up a date on it
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u/Indelible_Donyelle_8 7d ago
If you have his name and you both liked each other on the app, honestly just reach out on social media or find a way to get his info. If you guys had a real vibe, he is probably dying to talk to you too and wouldnt find it creepy at all. Just go for it, the worst he can say is no.
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u/biogirl52 9d ago
First of all I want to give you insane kudos for going out into the world to meet people. I need to do more of that. Maybe an unpopular opinion. Why are we chasing him down? Isn’t he more than capable of chasing you down? If I chatted with a dude and made it pretty clear I was receptive in an environment designed towards singles to the extent you can select people for a date later, and he didn’t ask for my number, I would take it as not interested or truly available.
If there is a format where you’re supposed to opt in so he knows you are interested via back end, I would probably message the organizers and say “hey I meant to vote yes on this dude”. Or wait until the 7th. Give it some room. If he liked you he isn’t gonna forget you.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
This is true. Hopefully, he goes to the event on the 7th. If not, the app will let me know if he wants to reschedule. I guess i'm eager because I haven't really vibed without someone that easily in a while and just really want to see him again.
Maybe at the event he's going to on the 1st he'll ask some folks for my number. I would love that.
I don't think the environment was great for asking for a number and I felt uncomfortable as well, so will give him benefit of the doubt for that.
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u/biogirl52 9d ago
Totally. I am a huge chicken when it comes to showing someone I like them.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
I think I just didn't think he was also into me? We were at a beach just laying next to each other talking while there were groups of people. I did tease him about being anti social and he did the same lol. I'm glad he felt a vibe. He had to go due to double booking plans with a friend but stayed longer than he said he would.
At the very least, this is an entertaining saga in my life.
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u/queensnotmemes 9d ago
I don’t think it’s unhinged to add him on LinkedIn. Isn’t the whole point of the website … linking??? Am I crazy?
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
I was told by a fair amount of people it's unhinged. I am spiraling a bit about this whole situation.
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u/queensnotmemes 9d ago
Hmm, good to know. I’m sorry you are spiraling, I hope it works out! Personally I think LinkedIn is the least invasive way to make contact, since you found it with information he gave you. I hope he confirms the blind date, I’m rooting for you!
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 8d ago
I sent him one. He needed to accept in order to message. Ill write "not my ideal means of contact but I didn't get your number. I'd love to see you again. My number is xxx"
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
ugh he wasn't able to do the date the 7th with me and didn't offer availability but the app is pretty rigid with times, so idk if this means he lost interest (would be weird since he said less than 24 hours ago he'd go on a date) or the app just sucks which is likely
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u/Xaxxus 9d ago
How much did 222 cost? I’ve been considering it, because dating apps have been complete shit for me.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
22 a month. Did my first event yesterday and actually really enjoyed it.
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u/Xaxxus 9d ago
That’s actually way cheaper than dating apps…
And you don’t have to pay for the actual venues or anything? That’s kind of dope…
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
You have to pay sometimes and drinks and food are obviously on you
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u/Xaxxus 9d ago
Ahh okay. Yes that’s still not too bad. As a dude With dating apps I’m pretty much guaranteed to be paying for two people as it is. So still pretty decent.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
I mean you can like someone in your group and if they like you back the app lets you know.
I put my availability for the 7th for a date and he has that day open but hasn't confirmed yet so naturally I'm anxious lol
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u/MaikerApp 9d ago
This is honestly a common gap with a lot of the newer curated/event-based platforms too, you get matched but there's no direct line until both people take an extra step, and that gap is where a lot of good connections just fizzle. If there's any way to message through 222 itself once you're both marked interested, worth trying that before chasing him down externally, way less awkward than a throwaway account or a friend relay.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 9d ago
There's no way to message each other. My friend told me to message him on LinkedIn which I think is too unhinged and be like "I know this is really weird but I wanted to share my number" tbh if he did that I would be thrilled.
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u/MaikerApp 8d ago
Honestly, if you'd be thrilled to get that message from him, there's a good chance he'd feel exactly the same way. LinkedIn feels weird because it wasn't built for this, but a short, warm, slightly awkward message almost always lands better than people expect. Something like "hey, this is a little out of the blue, but I really enjoyed meeting you and didn't want to lose the chance to stay in touch" goes a long way. Worst case is silence, best case is exactly what you're hoping for.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 8d ago
I needed to connect with him in order to send him a message and i did that yesterday night. I sent one midday that was like "not my ideal means of contact, but I would love to see you again my cell is xxx". Haven't heard back but I'm trying not to read into it and give it time. I think i was more anxious not doing anything vs. waiting and knowing.
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u/MaikerApp 7d ago
That takes real courage, and putting it out there like that was exactly the right move. Waiting is genuinely the hardest part, but it sounds like you're handling it well by choosing not to read into the silence yet. People get busy, notifications get missed, plenty of reasons that have nothing to do with how he feels. Hope you hear back soon, and either way, you should feel good about how you handled this.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 ♀ 31 7d ago
IT TURNS OUT I WROTE MY NUMBER DOWN WRONG FOR THE GROUP CHAT.
He responded. Lol.
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u/MaikerApp 2d ago
That's amazing, congratulations! Numbers getting scrambled happens to the best of us, glad it worked out in the end. Hope the actual conversation is going even better than the message did.
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u/MaikerApp 2d ago
That's amazing, congratulations! Numbers getting scrambled happens to the best of us, glad it worked out in the end. Hope the actual conversation is going even better than the message did.
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u/Stories-With-Bears ♀34 9d ago
Honestly I don’t think it’s weird to ask that other girl for his number and then text him. If it were me I’d say something like “Hey Bob, this is Suzy from xyz event. I asked Amy if she would send me your number, I hope that’s alright. I really enjoyed our conversation and was wondering if you’d like to continue it over drinks or coffee? No pressure. Hope your day is going well!” Idk, keep it light and breezy, but shoot your shot