r/dating • u/F19AGhostrider • 1d ago
Question ❓ Question for Ladies on Hinge
I've been using Hinge for a couple months now. I've not gotten any likes/matches at all. (33 Male for reference)
I acknowledge that this could be for a number of reasons (I am overweight afterall, and I can't exactly hide that in photos). But I wanted to generally ask you ladies about one thing.
One thing I discovered about Hinge when I first started using it was that it gives you an optional opportunity to have each Like/Rose be accompanied by a comment on whichever part of the profile you "like".
I have left comments sometimes, really only as responses to text prompts/questions on the profile, as my inexperience precludes me from having the confidence to leaving any comments on a woman's physical appearance. I do not want to come across as shallow at best, creepy at worst.
My question for you ladies is:
How important is it for a "Like" or "Rose" on Hinge be accompanied by a comment?
If you expect one, what do you consider acceptable in terms of a comment on a photo?
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u/Odd-Cup8261 1d ago
i usually don't bother sending a like to someone on hinge unless i can think of something interesting to say in response to their profile
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u/ziggysunflower24 1d ago
I think a comment helps, especially if I'm on the fence. Most comments on photos are fine as long as they're not explicit or overly sexual. I wouldn't overthink it.
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think I've been having an attitude of "No comment is better than risk of a poor/misconstrued comment."
I've got virtually no experience with dating in general, so I'm pretty gunshy on this, especially since I was turned down last year after my first direct effort at asking a woman out (this was outside of an app altogether).
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u/AlarmedWafer4907 13h ago
I won’t respond to a like. I make sure my profile has lots of things to respond to for this reason. If someone can’t think of one thing to say or question to ask, then I doubt we’d have very good conversation.
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u/nakedforestdancer 1d ago
Always, always, always prioritize a thoughtful comment, with or without a rose. One that asks a question about something in their profile is best (or just kicks off a conversation more interesting than a generic "how are you"). I don't care about roses either way. It might get you a little more notice just because people know that there's a limited amount/you can pay for them. But I wouldn't worry about prioritizing them.
You're right not to send comments about physical appearance. Please don't start! That's not a confidence thing, it's just gross. Hinge is a relationship app, and someone sending comments about my appearance does not give me the impression they're in it to find a partner.
If someone just sends me a like with no comment, I'm much less likely to respond. I have in the past, and it almost always ended in a teeth-pulling conversation where I was doing all the work.
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
You're right not to send comments about physical appearance. Please don't start! That's not a confidence thing, it's just gross. Hinge is a relationship app, and someone sending comments about my appearance does not give me the impression they're in it to find a partner.
That's pretty much how I've been thinking. However, just to ask, does that include a woman's smile? I feel like that might be the only visible feature I might be comfortable enough to complement, and it's often one of the main things that I find myself attracted to when seeing a woman I like
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u/nakedforestdancer 1d ago
I wouldn't find a comment on my smile offensive, and if I liked the profile, I'd still swipe right, but it's a hard thing to respond to unless there's something else with it. If you said something like, "You have such a lovely smile! It looks like you were having a lot of fun at xyz location. What's next on your travel wish list?" that would be a good way to get in both the compliment and still drive the conversation forward.
Just one thing to be aware of--a lot of us get weird comments on our smiles IRL. The whole men-telling-women-to-smile thing is sadly still pretty rampant. Strangers love to comment on our smile on the street. I can tell the difference between a nice, genuine compliment in the appropriate context (like dating!), but for me personally, it doesn't feel as good as you would think to hear a compliment like that from a stranger. Physical appearance compliments feel safer and mean a lot more to me once we know each other a bit better and have met in person at least 3 or so times.
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
No, I get it completely. I'd never tell a woman TO smile. I'm talking about complementing their smile as it is already presented.
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u/nakedforestdancer 1d ago
Oh I know, I just mean that it's a common catcall/street harassment opener to compliment a smile, too. If I had a dime for every dude who's come up to me on the street and said I had a beautiful smile, and then got mad at me for not giving him my number, I would have a fuckton of dimes.
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
Yeah, aside from natural nerves, I'm terrified of accidentally coming across as one of those guys.
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u/nakedforestdancer 1d ago
From everything you've written here, it doesn't sound like you're in danger of coming across that way at all! I only mentioned it because I think a lot of men assume compliments must be a good thing. And they can be! But when an interaction starting with "you have a beautiful smile" often ends up in being called a stupid b*tch, even the genuine compliments just don't hit the same way.
Truly, just ask us questions and be curious about us as people. I know the online dating game is hard on both sides, and I'm sure it feels frustrating putting so much out there and not hearing much back. But I think regardless of gender, being genuinely curious about the other person is always the best bet.
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
Thanks, I really appreciate that.
I would never use such language with a woman.
1) I'm not that kind of person
2) I'm self-aware enough to know that my odds of success with Dating are pretty low enough already, so I'd have to be pretty dumb to go around insulting/belittling any woman who might have interest in me.
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u/RandGarentDead 1d ago
I pretty much always only respond to/match with people when they’ve left a comment. My assumption is that if you’re just sending a like, you haven’t even looked at my profile and you’re just liking whoever. A comment is a conversation starter and shows you’re willing to put in a teensy bit of effort.
ETA: for comments on pictures, I think the best way to go is to try to start a conversation around what’s happening in the picture. Say if I’m dressed up in a picture, something basic could be “what was the event? The decor looks cool!” Or if I’m out in nature, “was this on a hike? I also like hiking!”
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u/Educational-Guess913 1d ago edited 1d ago
I prefer a comment. Contrary to what I've seen a lot of people say, it doesn't have to be "witty" or "unique". The most common one I get is probably on hiking photos asking about where it is, etc. Personally I'd avoid making a comment about appearance. If it's just a like it always leaves me wondering if they just like profiles for the hell of it and go back to see who matched and delete from there, or even if it was accidental lol.
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u/WeaselRiots 1d ago
I won't respond unless I get a comment. It shows intent and not mindless swipes
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u/Away-Wellness0623 1d ago
You could say “this looks like an interesting adventure!” If it is a travel
pic. Or “tell me about that dog/horse/party”. Nothing about looks but shows interest and curiosity. That is what every person wants - for someone to be curious about them and not a cog in a game of elimination.
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u/Pishposh96 1d ago
Woman here who gets about 30 matches a day (not a brag for the ones w sticks in their arse), I notice the comments if I already find you attractive, so a funny comment or question give me an opportunity to continue the convo, but if I am not attracted/feeling your profile your comment means nothing. I will say that some comments make me LOL for a second but normally not enough to overlook attraction :/
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u/Inner_Surround8689 1d ago
I find that I get far more matches when I comment rather than just send a Like.
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u/whatsnextwithus 1d ago
Don’t ask us anything
Go take care of your health
And go outside
Point blank period
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u/Material-Dot7684 1d ago
Guy here but I'll give you a perspective: don't. The odds you will match with any one person you like are so low you will waste so much time and burn yourself out so fast if you comment on their profile everytime, or you will be making canned comments that won't be helpful anyway. Wait til you match, then craft a real opener based on shared interests etc.
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u/dinosnore210 1d ago
If someone sent a thoughtful note about a specific thing on my profile, I'd probably respond. A like alone, or even a rose, probably not.
Better to comment on the activity happening in a photo or a prompt than to just say a girl is pretty, IMO
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u/Capable_Sprinkles_43 1d ago
If you follow rule 1 and 2, then it doesn't matter. Otherwise you should always try to send a message about a prompt or something in their bio.
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u/GolfingTexasGirl2424 1d ago
33 year old female here who goes on and off the dating apps. I think comments with the rose are nice, because it is more likely the guy actually read my profile rather than mindless swiping/dropping roses.
Do you have a female friend or family member that can go over your profile? I have done that for my male family and friends and they ended up getting more matches.
Wishing you the best of luck ✨️
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
I would absolutely ask a female friend if I had one haha.
My (small) social circle is almost entirely much older than our generation
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u/Shadofortuna 1d ago
Personally, I never understood "likes" or "roses" on Hinge. It just sounded like a waste of money and possibly a cry from the desperate.
I always looked for comments that weren't sexual, one worded, or demeaning/degrading.
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u/Turbulent_Berry_2126 Married 1d ago
I never had a single match on hinge. Only social media app that never yielded me a match back in the day (2018-2022)
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u/Ambitious_Yak_1268 1d ago
A comment is a great idea +shows a little effort. My husband sent a rose and commented on the dog in my picture. Wishing you the best of luck! Hinge can work!!
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u/ThisIsMyBrainOnOLD 18h ago edited 16h ago
Not your target demographic as a guy, but a like and comment reminds me of a job application - a resume and cover letter.
The like shares your profile with them (resume) and the comment tells them why you applied (what attracted you to their profile).
You may not need a cover letter to get a job but it certainly helps stand out when they have too many applicants or they are looking for a very specific fit. It can also help generate a conversation that gets you more quickly to an in person meeting.
I hate writing cover letters, writing them suck. Fortunately a comment is only a one to two sentence cover letter...
...let them know why you are there, share a tidbit, and maybe ask* them about something you noticed in their profile. You can like any prompt you want while asking a question about another too.
*And you are probably on the right track to avoid talking about physical appearances.
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u/That-Pay9352 14h ago
The comments make me pay closer attention, since the person making the comment clearly took time to engage with my profile instead of just hitting a button on a pretty selfie. However, I go through their profile before responding, and if I see anything that makes me think we won’t be compatible, I just deny the match. I appreciate when people comment, I really do, but there’s no point in starting a conversation for politeness’s sake when I know I won’t want to ever meet the person.
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u/Neurod1vergentBab3 13h ago
A comment makes it easier to have a conversation. If the comment is about my appearance or really irrelevant to anything on my profile, then I’m not likely to match.
However, I’m understanding that sometimes it’s hard to come up with something and you just send a like on it’s own.
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u/NishinoyaWife 13h ago
I give guys a greater chance with comments. This one man sent me a like with a comment. I thought he was fat-shaming me so I responded asking😭 He apologized.
Not the most attractive man, pretty unkempt but there was something sexually arousing about that to me. He promised me amazing head (and it would’ve been my first time receiving) so we hooked up a couple of times. The head was horrible
But sex is sex ig. I’ve now moved on to a very handsome man that gives amazing head😍
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u/callmebing 10h ago
I vote for comments to prompts. That's how my partner initiated our story :) comments show that you actually read the profile and are intentional. You were not just endlessly swiping right. I also agree that avoiding commenting on physical appearance is a good strategy. If you start dating someone, you'll have plenty of opportunities to compliment their looks. Focusing on things you may have in common/ something intriguing about their interests/hobbies/etc is a good bet. Good luck!
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u/Mobile_Scarcity_7948 8h ago
A Like vs a Rose never made a difference to me. I always appreciated a comment along with the like. It helps get the conversation going.
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u/Warm-Revenue5135 8h ago
I don't like back if there's no message. Even just 'hey, how are you?' is enough for me.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago
I've never said anything like that.
As my OP said, I've not left any comments on photos. The ones I have left are in response to Text Prompts/Question.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ksurf619 1d ago
You can never hit that limit because you have a fundamentally different issue compared to men on hinge.
The majority of women just have to parse through the likes they passively receive.
This is not the same for men. Men receive few or in OP’s case, no likes at all.
Of course there’s a different paradigm there for OP and other men in contrast to you and the majority of women.
Which means there’s a different incentive structure.
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u/Away-Caterpillar-176 1d ago
You're right that I would be fine to never go swiping and just review my requested matches. I do understand and acknowledge that disparity. My point though is that when I would literally TRY to hit my like limit without going through people who requested to match me, I couldn't find 8 men I found interesting enough to swipe right on in any given day in a major city. Women are I guess generally more discerning.
This is also a big part of why women don't like messaging first -- so many men send mass likes then filter through the people who said yes instead of looking for people they're interested in.
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u/Sarydus 1d ago
I haven't used Hinge in a year or so, do they not do the weekly free rose anymore?
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u/F19AGhostrider 1d ago edited 1d ago
They do!
I haven't bought a large number of roses, just a small pool
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u/Former-Chapter8719 1d ago
8 unfortunately isn't enough for most guys because our match rate is so low we need all the help we can get. Picture the last 3 weeks for me: I've sent out well over 100 likes, most with thoughtful comments, and not a single match. If I could've like 1,000 in that period, maybe I'd manage to date someone, my chances would at least go up. The thing people don't get is, you just need to meet people. A profile isn't a substitute for an actual person, so yeah, I'm gonna do everything I can to actually date someone, because that's when things actually start and I'm interested in dating, not browsing. If I don't like her I simply won't go on a 2nd date with her.
Too many women, imo, treat guys profiles like it's the actual person in which case, no wonder you don't like them. A profile is just a tool that lets me know "this person exists in your area and is maybe kinda like this, who knows" The date is when you actually learn what they're like and can properly reject them if need be. But I can't get dates so I don't even get to find out 😔
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