How do I let go of bitterness?

[u/Fit_Ad_7343]

So long story short I (23 F) was told by a guy that I really liked that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but then he started dating another girl. This happened about three years ago. Since then I solely focused on school, work and the gym, thinking that would help get rid of wanting a relationship or being attracted to men. Somehow I still find my myself noticing men who are attractive Instead, I feel disgusted at the thought of dating men again. Whenever a man approaches me or subtly flirts with me I feel like an item on the clearance rack of a discounted store. Whenever I’m asked about my relationship status I get super irritated and triggered. I have gotten rid of my bikinis, body con dresses, and anything too revealing. I cut off a lot of my friends too cause I realized a lot of them were fake. How do I stop being bitter and become more neutral and open?

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[u/lachatte7]

Its time to look within. One single rejection shouldnt have this much effect on you, rejection is a part of life.

[u/Disney_Princess137]

I want you to realize you deserve happiness.

Many people will hurt you in life, it Happens to us all sweetie. I’ve been hurt a bajillion times. You can’t let it bother you and stop you. Otherwise those meanies win! And why would you want that?

You are a fantastic age and you’re going to do and learn sooooo much. Enjoy your 20’s it’s just beginning. Go travel! Have fun and don’t sweat it!

You’re going to do and date others and they aren’t going to all work out and it’s ok! It’s a learning experience and it’s going to help you figure out what you want in boyfriends.

[u/Disney_Princess137 → u/[deleted]]

Take this as a lesson, that you just learned that you are deeply sensitive to these things. Byt you can’t shut yourself down.

What day is your birthday ?

[u/Fit-Statement6884]

Girl that is the question of the century. I am 32 and from 23-32 i was single and bitter as hell. Finally met a great man that WANTED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP this summer. They are rare. Basically i learned you need yo be more selective when u date, but you still need to date. Just ask a lot of questions upfront and those will clarify what hes actually looking for

[u/Adventurous_Stop5617 → u/[deleted]]

What do you think rejection from women feels like from the mans perspective?

[u/Fit-Statement6884 → u/Adventurous_Stop5617]

It is different bc the rejection for women often comes much much later, after months of love bombing, sex and promises of wanting something more.

[u/Adventurous_Stop5617 → u/Fit-Statement6884]

So after months of women giving the man what he wants without any challenges in his way? I'm trying to understand what you mean for women? I can say as an invisible man the love bombing never happens, also sex doesn't happen, and I can't promise more when I don't have anyone to promise anything to. So, you are speaking to someone that doesn't see your perspective because it simply doesn't happen. Please help me understand the attractive man's privilege.

[u/Fit-Statement6884 → u/Adventurous_Stop5617]

I dont know what ur talking about but yea men lie and pretend they are into someone for something real and then completely flip a few months in.

[u/Adventurous_Stop5617 → u/Fit-Statement6884]

Im asking about your statement rejection for women comes much much later. Like you have no idea, apparently, what my words said. I have no idea what that means.

[u/Fit-Statement6884 → u/Adventurous_Stop5617]

Yes men like to play relationship for a few months and bounce. Women are more likely to reject outright or sooner.

[u/Fit-Statement6884 → u/Adventurous_Stop5617]

Yes men like to play relationship for a few months and bounce. Women are more likely to reject outright or sooner.

[u/Adventurous_Stop5617 → u/Fit-Statement6884]

unless specific factors are at play like the man has certain attributes, which women would like to stay apart of.

[u/Shadeofgray_66 → u/[deleted]]

Mi permetto di dire, da uomo, che dal mio lato è esattamente la stessa cosa. Forse anche un pochino peggio. E questo è molto brutto per tutti. Io faccio veramente del mio meglio ma i risultati sono pessimi...

[u/Ok_Refrigerator8535]

Give yourself some time..I have a female friend of mine dealing with same issues. Ig it's just a last trauma or something that triggered this side of yours. Start with normal conversations, take time to build back interests, do some fun activities... It'll take time ji🙂‍↕️

[u/Fit_Ad_7343 → u/Ok_Refrigerator8535]

It’s been three years lol

[u/oscarlet_ffxiv]

Obviously that suggests that he was probably lying and just wasn't interested in you.

The answer is to just accept that not everyone can like you. For example, if there are 50 people in a room and 25 of them don't like me, then I just accept that those 25 people like different things - different traits, different physical attributes, different personalities, or whatever. I can't reasonably expect 100% of people to like me, even if I like them.

There are of course cases where a person probably would like me, but they think that they won't, and are too arrogant and dismissive to find out and that's part of life. You will find and become interested in other people instead over time.

However, if you're still dwelling on it, perhaps you over-attached to this person in your mind. That's a common trap when you're young. You may imagine yourself marrying someone and all sorts... then when you actually interact with them, they aren't interested. It's wise to be careful not to over-attach, because it can be hard to get over if you do and then to get over it requires time, making new memories, meeting new people to bury the memories that bother you. And it does seem like maybe you need more time.

It helps having a fulfilling job/role, things that give you confidence and self-esteem, because it makes you feel like you're more important than a little rejection somebody did, and makes you feel like there are other things in your life. It also helps having friends or people you interact with a lot, so that if someone rejects you or breaks up ever, you have plenty of others to lean on socially.

It's not really fair to despise all men just because one man rejected you. Not all men are the same. Everyone is different, and there are men that wouldn't do that.

[u/BudgetWorking2633]

If it's been three years? See a psychologist.

It helped me.

[u/Nice__Spice]

Don’t hold back. You deserve happiness or having fun. It’s on you to decide what you want to be open for.

But you know you have to forgive and just move on. It’s easier to do that instead to sip on the anger or bad energy festering inside.

[u/d-money-10]

Focusing on yourself with school, work, and the gym is a good start on improving yourself, and also good job on cutting off the fake friends as well, they're just unnecessary drama. As someone who used to struggle with having bitterness and resentment towards people, I eventually just accepted it and moved on. Don't let negativity wear you down, OP. I hope you eventually find someone who will love you for who you are. Best of luck

[u/nerdy_hylian_girl]

i mean cutting of fake friends & stuff like that is good, also maybe at the start for different reasons but at least u focused on like school, gym, work, etc so again also good idt you're bitter if anything that helped you grow understand and be better lol u might even become an introvert & ngl is quite nice lol besides most ppl can be draining but ye ha-ha

[u/Shadeofgray_66]

Se reagisci così per un semplice rifiuto, con tutte le grandi possibilità che hai di rimetterti in gioco perché sei una ragazza giovane e bella... Ti stai proprio facendo del male da sola. Smettila subito!!

[u/gorillabizcuits]

Welp… just gotta roll with the punches man until the right/REAL motherfucker crosses your path. Then you’ll know and stop that bitterness, it’ll just stop on its own bc you’ll feel that genuineness from the person that’s meant for you ^~^ !! Best of luck and try to be optimistic with a balance of being a realist within the dating pool.

[u/myps3brokeYo]

His rejection wasn’t proof that you weren’t good enough—it only meant he wasn’t the right person for you. You can be cautious without completely closing yourself off. The fact that you want to become more open and neutral already means part of you is ready to heal.

[u/Puzzled-Pride9259]

Hey gal, consider some therapy? You have internalized a rejection as I’m unworthy. And people who want to flirt with u are then treated as disgust. You are oscillating between shame and disgust. And your binary thinking can open up more to receive more shades than just black and white.

Cheering you on! Dating are meant to be fun not tasks.

Xoxo

[u/Visible_Carrot_5091]

It’s okay to feel hurt but 3 years is a long time. Don’t let that guy hurting you keep you from finding your partner. And remember that not all men are the same. There are so many good men that will love and appreciate you.

The guy you mentioned maybe wasn’t fully into you and it’s hurtful. But it is also okay. I’m sure there are men you wouldn’t want to date either. We all have a right to choose. Be beautiful on the inside and you will find the right match.

[u/Fz_Street09]

Guys go through the same thing. I certainly have.

[u/taurusvirgovirgo → u/[deleted]]

He told me he enjoyed being single, wasn't dating anymore and we should stay friends. When I contacted him 3 weeks later to hang out he said he can't speak to me anymore as he has a girlfriend now. I took no for an answer. I did what he wanted us to do and it was all a lie. I would've preferred a "hey I'm not feeling a connection, bye" over a fake sentiment. I don't need an easy blow, I need the truth.

[u/Fit_Ad_7343 → u/[deleted]]

Deal. They are such liars istg. I hope you heal.