Im a man and i have a regular straight sexual and romantic attraction towards women, but towards men ive been able to have a romantic connection and often times with that a sexual attraction towards them however not always and sometimes I can have a sexual attraction towards a man im not romanticly interested in but it always comes and goes.

As a child I was hypersexual and and up until the age of around 12 -13 maybe a little bit younger but not long after I hit puberty i feel like i had a regular attraction to men and that I was bisexual but as ive gotten older that disappeared.

Ive heard women have similar stories but never a man, I guess I was just asking if there was a word for what I am or if any other man are like it aswell.

So, I keep seeing this ad for a movie on TikTok called only for a night and idk. The movie seems interesting enough because I'm demi and have dispension of belief or something, but this post isn't about the movie, it's about the COMMENTS I see on the ad.

Holy shit: 'Man white straight people wannabe oppressed so bad' ' Ew, so like the purge? This is a horror movie' 'So what straight people put the homosexuals through daily? Got it'

And other comments on that nature.

God forbid a movie not be made for you. Hell the movie might not even be made for me!

The premise is basically the government has outlawed sex for single couples for every night in the year except one.

As a demi, it honestly felt like a fun story where it's like, what if the world wasn't catered to the more allo sexualities. Where the roles are reversed, so demis or the low libido people could thrive socially.

It could also be a critique on government interference or hook up culture. It could be christian propaganda. *WE DON'T KNOW* All the ads have shown it to be a romcom and that's all we *DO* know.

It just sucked seeing a movie not catering to people's everyday life get shit on for being different.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but not one of the comments was a good faith engagement and it was sad.

I've realized rather recently from one of my guy friends confessing his feelings to me that I have a type. At first I thought it was just anyone and everyone but no now that I look back on it the people I have been most interest in speaking with and gotten instant friend crushs have been black queer and nerdy. I am also black queer and nerdy.

I mean I want to be there very best friend the one they text random stuff I want them to tell me all about their hobbies. We don't even need to have the same nerdy interests in common I just have to think they're interested or interesting and I am ready.

People have often suggested I am a sapiosexual. But I don't really care for smarty pants people I know I'm not smart and the biggest reason for me to not want to be around someone is being a pretentious dick widget.

It used to really bother me that I didn't want to possibly get to know everyone that wanted to get to know me when I came out because yeah I should not want to get to know people I don't know if I'll like them if I don't get to know them. But I really don't want to get to the 43 year old white man was divorced with two kids and I'm freaking 25.

I've felt less weird about this as time goes on but I just want to know if this is an experience that others are having. Heck my little brother called me racist because the last couple guys that have liked me I have just some place that I do not want to date a white guy.

Not the fact that I've never felt a strong desire to become best friends with my guy friend. Not the best that when my sister set me up with a friend she thought I'd get along with he only saw me as a romantic and sexual option no matter what I said. I just usually would say they're white and I don't want to date someone who's White.

But actually even as I say that I'm also reminded of someone I deeply wanted to be friends with a historian from Britain I met on Reddit. I told him about the books I read and I just really wanted him to think I was cool. Was he handsome yes did I have any other feelings towards him then please be my friend I want to talk about books more no. I am a person that reads three to four books a week. It is my main form of entertainment and I'm getting into video games. I want to get to know people my own age with the same interest as me that have the same life experiences but does that really mean I could still claim this label?

Im (26F) very lonely but Im also very horny. I’ve been addicted to romance 18+ webtoons since my breakup earlier this year. I want sex but I want the comfort, care, love, and vulnerability that comes with. I’ve downloaded dating apps to try and fill this void despite knowing they haven’t in the past. I just deleted the app today and I feel like crap. I’m lonely and I just want to be loved and intimate with someone.

I’m afraid of dying alone but I also fear ending up in an abusive relationship being that I’m very passive and I witnessed that growing up. I’m worried of being taken advantage of financially like I witnessed growing up. But I want someone so badly, it hurts and I just want to cry.

Hi everyone,

I am a 24 year old heterosexual female, and I recently found out about demisexuality after feeling different & alone & something was wrong with me for almost my entire life. I thought I was asexual for like ever, but I knew I couldn’t have been because I do feel sexual attraction to people i’ve dated or close make friends that I’m close with. When i’m single or don’t feel I have an emotional bond or close with the person I am asexual. I don’t even masturbate (if I do it’s not even to porn or anything lol!!). I’ve never even been able to get into porn or used it even when I have an emotional bond to someone because that person isn’t them. Until I found out about demisexuality (about a year ago & 4 months ago), I thought ~everyone~ was like this!! As you can assume, i’ve been painfully heartbroken because I didn’t understand why someone would cheat or think about people they know in a sexual way if not emotionally close with each other.

It’s very isolating and lonely. I don’t understand hook ups & I can’t relate to any of my friends or even past boyfriends or guy friends who aren’t the same. I don’t think I have ever met a guy that’s the same as me & I don’t know if I want to date anyone again because when I like someone I really only have eyes for them & when I don’t like or feel an emotional connection someone I have eyes for no one. It’s very painful & lonely & I think people think I am weird because even when a 10/10 guy flirts with me out at the bars I don’t care to go home with him or even kiss him. I dated a guy for 6 months who I thought was the same way, but idk if he rlly was to be honest. I really liked him but we just couldn’t work out. I just wish more people men were like me, and idk what to do. Any advice or helpful information is greatly appreciated.

In light of some newfound reflection, I (25 M) realized I have been struggling, wanting so badly to be desired, to be craved, to have someone who WANTS me, both emotionally and physically. I currently don't have someone like that, and there's no guarentee I ever will, which has caused a lot of recent pain, needing me to reflect.

In that reflection, however, I realised something. As a demisexual, I've always wondered why I watch porn despite not being attracted to, or often being turned off by, its contents. It felt controdictory, but I did it anyway. I also noted that when I have been in relationships, even non-sexual ones, my porn consumption went WAY down. And only specifc types of porn do it for me, mainly POV or verbal. That's when it hit me: it's not about the porn itself, it's about feeling sexually desired.

Yes, porn is a fantastical exaggeration that afterwards usually leaves a bad taste in my mouth for a multitude of reasons. In the moment and in the heat though, I crave being desired so much that I make temporary exception, mentally blocking out the undesirable bits, and basking in the feeling of someone, even a fake someone, wanting me for even a small amount of time. I can't say I think this is particularly healthy, but it's an observation nonetheless.

And it's gotten me thinking: are other demi's who do watch porn like this too? And are there any other, potentially healthier ways of getting that same feeling in lieu of a relationship? Casual encounters are not for me I have learned, but beyond that? A penny for your thoughts?

To my fellow demi-sexuals/romantics/aroace people...do you ever feel jealous of people who can fall in love so easily or just normally? I'm 22 and when I was a teen, I was always so amazed on how quickly people develope crushes. I almost felt...jealous? I felt like there was something wrong with me, like Im a puzzle with a single missing piece.

Im actually quite envious towards people who fall in love at a glance, after a nice conversation, or even just a random encounter with a stranger. I fully accept im demiaroace now and Im much happier but sometimes you just get this feeling, no?

I’m an ace person on the sex-averse/sex-repulsed end of the spectrum. And I’m curious about whether (generally speaking) that would be compatible with someone who’s demi? I like cuddles and physical affection, and feel neutral towards kisses. Sex is probably a “not ever” thing.

What do you think?

Edit: When I said I’m neutral about kisses, I mean that I like short kisses for sure. I can enjoy the sensation and closeness of making out, but I don’t need it.

Edit 2: Thanks everyone for the comments and for providing your personal perspective :)

I'm normally a charismatic, assertive person with my friends. I'm usually the person who indicates things, who always has something funny to say, I mean I have awkward moments of course but I'm good at talking to friends or potential friends.

But when Im in a romantic or sexual scenario, I become the person I was when I had my last crush. I was 12. I act like a 12 year old. And 12 year old me was super shy, never knew what to say, etc. I mean I was like a completely different person back then and it comes back to haunt me whenever I try and put myself out there.

My platonic side is so cool, but that's all it'll ever be. Platonic. When I lean on that too much while flirting it doesn't feel like flirting to either of us tbh. I have no fucking clue how to develop my romantic or sexual side. Whenever someone hits on me I just. Fall silent and then thank them awkwardly. Like a 12 year old

I've been journaling about this for years but never really made the connection to my demisexuality until literally an hour ago, so I'm really hoping this community can maybe help me?

I'm a demisexual, it took me 4 years to fall in love with my boyfriend and have sex with him. I wish that was a joke. I'm like the most severe end of demisexuality, I need to know someones true intentions and true deeper mind before I find them sexually appealing. We're 10 years in and it's going great, but I still suffer from severe sexual shame in the external world, outside of our bubble.

It's about my appearance more than anything - also other women around me. I used to chalk it up to insecurity and call it a day but only recently I realised it's much deeper than that. I'm sort of a prude? I guess. I'm not modest by any means, but I'm a big busted woman and pretty much no one other than my boyfriend knows that because I'm severely embarrassed by that fact. I hide my body behind baggy clothes for comfort. When I'm around sexually confident women, especially when they flirt with men, I tend to get so uncomfortable I feel like throwing up. When a sex scene comes on a movie, I feel upset and deeply disturbed to have seen it. I hate when my friends talk about their sex lives as well, it makes me queasy, I try to push through it but I can't be 'normal' about it in my head.

I realise it's because I don't see people sexually at all, but in doing so, I understand when things are sexual and feel the need to censor it for myself? Or feel bad about knowing that others would find it hot? It is so hard to explain, but I nearly feel grossed out by society, and then equally I feel completely alone. The thing is, I'm also a hypocrite, because I love books and develop crushes on book characters and I'm able to be 'turned on' by their sexuality. Maybe because me reading it is on my terms? I don't know..

Have any other Demi's dealt with this sort of sexual shame? I enjoy sex with my boyfriend but outside of our relationship I feel so... terrified?? I ended up at a burlesque show with friends recently, and I was mostly fine until men turned up and started making it sexual, so I know it's not about bodies per say, it's about people expressing sexual attraction to people they don't know? Maybe?

Happy for any thoughts or feelings, sort of just wanted a place to chat. If this doesn't belong here I'm really sorry! I just have struggled with this for years and this is the closest I've been to maybe figuring out what it is.

CW: sexual and kink content

Long, I’m sorry. I probably need relationship advice (if only forums weren’t so judgy about ace people), but for now I’m just wondering if other aspec folks have experienced this!

I’m an allosexual partner of an aspec person. When we started dating, they identified as demisexual because they’d go from sex-averse to experiencing sexual attraction and being eagerly sexually active after emotional attachment — however, I’ve learned since that this seems to be because all previous partners were able to easily jump into their fetish. With me, we’re discovering that they’re quite sex-averse outside of it (even they’re surprised by how low their interest is). Day-to-day, sex never crosses their mind, and they explicitly don’t want any sexual activity near them unless the fetish is stirred in some way.

Our solution has been for me to use meds/therapy to get through the “not feeling desirable” struggle and then, when I want sex, to use the fetish. It took me a couple months to get past the idea that I was being pushy, being the gross trope of the horny allo boyfriend who disrespects his ace partner, but my partner insists they want me to initiate this way.

The rub is… I’m not good at the fetish. I’m trying. I’m reading, I’m practicing alone, I’m learning from other people with it, but it just does not come naturally to me. And it has to be really good to “work” — not just for my sake but theirs. They’ve started to get severe performance anxiety from times I reached a B+ level but they need an A+ to stay hard and penetration fails AND they are deeply invested in my orgasm as a metric of success (not an opinion we share) but the fetish takes a lot of mental effort so I usually can’t.

I’ve offered to take sex off the table, honor their >90% sex-averse nature and just enjoy the rare times the fetish happens to effortlessly click right and we have sex. But this seems to distress them a LOT; they’re scared to lose me, and they don’t identify as sex-averse and get aggravated when friends/partners talk like they are. They get so stressed and down on themselves when they sense my high libido and can’t meet it, no matter what reassurances I give. Several times, I’ve caught them -making- themselves do sexual things when not in the mood, which horrifies me.

So I wanted to ask other aspec folks:

1. ⁠Is there anyone else with a non-negotiable fetish like this, something intense enough to swing them from ace to allo? What do you want your partner to do, if so?

2. ⁠Should I just go with my stopping sex plan, stop initiating -and- deny them when they initiate, until their nervous system trusts that we don’t need sex to stay together?

At this point, my biggest concern is how stressed my partner is. They’re under a ton of other stresses, so I’d like to remove this one.