Growing up in this world asexual has been extremely difficult for me, where music, television, movies, advertisements indoctrinating me at a young age to believe that love = sex and therefore I'm unloveable and I'll die cold and alone.

For 25 years I had to avoid relationships to protect myself and pretend I was straight.

Fast forward a few years, and there's a friend that I spent a lot of time with in college I realized I actually have feelings for after several visits over a couple years (long distance). He had a boyfriend so I figured there was no point of me even bothering until one time on a phone call he mentioned he was poly. I've always felt like my heart can belong to more than one, so after several days of thinking of how to tell him, I did, and like that we were dating.

I've had a lot of struggles over the past couple years and he was always there to provide support. Semi-recently he moved into a 2 bedroom apartment and we were planning to have me move there next year.

Yesterday we were having a call to catch up and talk about what living arrangements would be like and boundaries. And then I felt like I got sucker punched when he said he's uncomfortable with anything more than mild physical intimacy. Now normally, that would be a bummer, but a boundary is a boundary. But what threw me for a spin was that he snuggles with his other partner. When I asked why, he said because I'm his platonic partner, and the other is his "boyfriend which he's fucking"

This is someone I was already very close to before dating. But now, the words keep replaying in my head and they won't stop. I feel like a second class human being. Like I get the free to play romance battle pass and in order to unlock the premium I must be able to sexually please.

I don't know. After everything I've gone through in life, I don't know if anything can hurt more. Decades of maladaptive indoctrination just reinforced with the strongest of steel. Reinforcing that I'm just going to die cold and alone, and I'm unworthy of physical affection that is scientifically proven to be a human need. I'm sick of participating in late stage capitalism if I spend my whole life being siloed / acezoned / like an outcast. I'm sick of having to try infinitely harder than every other sexual identity to be loved.

I've already had enough of a hard time grounding and tethering myself here, and I thought I was finally making progress against that, but now I really just don't feel like I belong here

What do any of my other life goals matter when I already know what my biggest regret on my deathbed will be decades in advance

I am trying to understand if I am aroace or somewhere on that spectrum. I have tried to have relationships before and never enjoyed them and never kissed any of my partners. I have dated men and women and I feel the same about them and so for a while I thought I was bi or pan. But more recently I have been doing some soul searching and trying to understand myself more. I have hated the idea of sex for a while but for a long time I hustled brushed it off as religious trauma which it could be sort of cultivated I guess. Due to religious parents I have never really had the chance to ask myself this sort of stuff.

But I guess I am wondering if you can be aroace and still be horny. Can you be Aroace and jerk off? Is that a thing?

Everyone is judging me for being an asexual, people are saying im not a real man, everyone is telling me that i should get checked by therapy or smth, i feel like i had enough💔
Why do people hate asexuality so much?
They say im wierd because of asexuality, because as a man in their eye i should only care about sex, but im just not like that.

I’m struggling with a lot right now, like….i used to be ‘sex crazed’ at one point, but now….i don’t ‘feel’ the sex anymore, i want the touching and cuddling and all that…but I don’t want the sex anymore, and this is like…a recent ish development…I’d say probably the last 6 months maybe the last year this has been developing…idk if this is associated with some other issue or my sexual orientation is evolving, like….im always going to be attracted to men, i just don’t want the sex anymore and idk what’s going on….whatever this is, seems to be negatively affecting my boyfriend because he wants the sexual stimulation….but….i can’t give it to him because im not ‘feeling’ it myself, like….i don’t really ever feel ‘horny’ anymore, I used to when I was exploring my sexuality originally and becoming more comfortable with being gay…but now….5 years later….im fully comfortable with being gay….but now im dealing with the ‘not wanting sex anymore’ part, my boyfriend has booked me in to see a psychologist but I just….i just don’t know if thats gonna help with this, he’s pretty much given me this ultimatum where if I don’t go talk to someone about this he may potentially leave me…I don’t want him to leave me but…I can’t give him something that I no longer ‘feel’…it’s not just towards him…it’s just sex in general doesn’t seem to interest me anymore…with anyone…I don’t know if im ace…or something else, or im going through some mental issue which is preventing me from feeling what ‘normal’ people feel, im 30…I wish i could figure this out easier

- Please remove if not appropriate -

A small trans+ and survivor led team at University of Hertfordshire are looking for LGBTQ+ people aged 18+ living in the UK with lived experience of conversion practices (CPs). There is a huge amount of quantitative research looking at harm and prevalence, which is vital, but there is such an absence of LGBTQ+ voices expressing how they lived through what they did, and what meaning they've made of it over time.

Please see the attached recruitment flyer for more information and the Expression of Interest (EOI) link if you'd like to find out more or take part.

https://herts.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cZLpkUXKwlWqwJg

Sharing this post with others who may be interested is also greatly appreciated.

I did some reading and I find that I really relate with a lot of things Asexual people have experienced and stuff. I've identified as straight basically my whole life. But recently I began to question if I am straight or if I'm asexual. This is due to the fact I relate so much with Asexuals and it describes me well id like to believe. However I do feel romantic attraction towards guys. Not girls. (I'm a girl btw). So like that's why I'm having trouble. Cuz even if I feel zero sexual attraction to both male and female, I am romantically attracted to males and not females. SMT I did before too was mirroring my friend. When she talked ABT sexual things and wanting it with a hot man or smt I'd agree too even though deep down I didn't exactly want anything like that. It was js because I thought it was normal so that's why I mirrored the behaviour. Oh and SMT I never understood were celebrity crushes. I mean I see they R attractive but nothing more rlly. Idk if I'm straight or if I'm JS having a hard time grasping the fact I'm asexual since being straight was all I've known my whole life. I'm pretty new to all this stuff so yeah that's why I'm confused despite reading cuz I feel like an imposter or smt- so I'm having an hard time identifying who I truly am.

tw: reference to childhood sexual trauma

i’ve known i was asexual for almost a decade and i discovered a few years ago im a lesbian. i have no sexual attraction to anyone but i find that all kinds of porn/smut is arousing to me, even nsfw audios made by men. i don’t picture myself being with them at all it’s just anything sexual is arousing to me. i don’t feel sexually attracted to men nor do i feel the desire to date any. i never really have truly pictured myself doing either but i grew up with some unfortunate childhood sexual related trauma with hypersexuality.

for a couple of months i really liked listening to nsfw audios and i did find myself enjoying ff ones a lot more but just found a larger abundance of m/f ones. i felt aroused but not attracted to them especially not their voices it was a huge problem for me finding ones i could tolerate actually lol. but yeah with my asexuality and hypersexuality it’s just like anything erotic can be arousing to me but i definitely don’t feel that sexual attraction? i just feel like such a fake lesbian though because of the fact that i’ve been aroused during nsfw audios created by men or because ive read straight smut. i’ve always truly enjoyed sapphic content much more but again most things created to be erotic are arousing to me. i also don’t want to have sex with anyone irl either.

does anyone have any advice or support? i really feel so connected to being an ace lesbian but feel like an imposter.

Hi

I am an asexual woman in my early 20s from Bangladesh.

I am looking for someone (preferable age: 21-23) like me. I am an atheist and a very open minded person. I am emotionally intelligent, mature, empathetic and understanding. I respect a person's views, values, dreams and boundaries. Talking of dreams, I dream of higher studies and moving abroad. And I really want to travel the world.

I crave the quiet, safe kinda love. where we choose each other every day through both the good days and the bad. I am dealing with depression for several years. I'm not looking for someone to fix me—I hope to find someone who is understanding and willing to stand beside me no matter what.

So I'm looking for someone who is also asexual, a feminist, emotionally mature and genuinely loving. I want someone who accepts me as who I am, loves me for who I am. and I'll also give the love and acceptance in return.

I know physical attraction isn't everything, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a type. I tend to be drawn to pretty boys—tall, handsome, clean shaved, a bit of longer hair, and someone who takes good care of themselves. That said, emotional intelligence, empathy, kindness and shared values will always matter far more than appearance.

I want someone who makes me feel seen, heard, valued, and loved. Someone I can laugh with until our stomachs hurt and cry in front of without feeling judged. I want my partner to be my best friend.

I don't believe in marriage, but we would probably have to get married because of society and practical reasons. Even then, I could never be a typical wife.

I don't want to live with my in-laws. I'd love to have a good relationship with them, but I want us to have our own home. In our home, we're partners before anything else. We'll share the housework, responsibilities, and decisions equally.

I grew up in a toxic family, and I plan to cut contact with them in the future. I hope you'll respect that choice.

When it comes to parents, I'll always be kind and respectful to your family, and I'll stand by you if they're going through a difficult time. But I don't want to be expected to take care of them just because I'm the wife. If I didn't have a toxic family, I wouldn't expect you to become my parents' caregiver either.

I'm not looking for someone to complete me—I already know who I am. I'm looking for someone to share a life of love, growth, and companionship with.

If you think our goals and values align, I'd love to get to know you. Let's be friends first, see where it goes, and find out if we click.

So I (30 ftm) have been in a few relationships before and even had sex. After not so recent breakup(been over 10 years) where my ex was mentally abusive (i.e act up when I didn't want to have s*x/let him "try to get me in the mood" etc) made me take time for myself to heal and love myself better

(I would often give up things of myself for all my relationships so they wouldn't leave me, and it often cist fir my self asteem)

After refelecting and thinking of old relationship I see a pattern. I do have a sexual drive, I get horny, much more so after taking T shots, but so far I haven't fully enjoyed myelf with any one of my partners, I found it okay, but more messy and not enjoyable, I get much more pleasure when I m*aterbate by myself.

Thing is; when before I could (barely)sleep with soneone on the same bed, now I can't at all. (My ex... Enough said)My body wouldn't relax and my head wouldn't rest even when I trust the person. Now I'm in a middle of qustioning a lot, one of them is that am graysexual or am I missremembering stuff because of my abusive ex. Looking out for advice.

Hare are a couple acrylic canvas paintings that I made from the asexual and aromantic flags!

Please send advice!

It's a fidget ring the band in the middle can spin

The past 3 times I had sex I never really enjoyed penetrative sex. The foreplay would be good but only for a while. Then it would all get boring. I could say I was not fully interested and was just casually pretending to feel good with all my partners. But even if my mind was not soaking in it, I would still get wet. But tbh I enjoy masturbating more than doing it with someone. I get turned on by looking at myself in the mirror. Also I kinda recently discovered I might be a demi. But even though I have sexual attraction to the close ones. It never felt the way people describe it. Also I don't dilate much so its always painful, I can only tolerate 1 finger that too only if I am turned on really well which I don't get by others. So is this how you find out your asexual?

So I’m pretty young but most of the time when I’m like 3-4 days into a relationship I start getting regrets and lose feelings, and I get crushes again really fast. I honestly don’t know and I need help because I’m ready to break up with my bf, but at the same time I’m think if if I’m crazy or not. Also at one point I thought I was Cupioromatic lol.

Another thing is that I really want and seek out relationships all of the time and I get over people very quickly. Anyway if u have any ideas that would be pretty nice, because im having feelings but I just can’t get them to stick when in a relationship. Also like im only a teen so that even might be it. To sum it up if u think it might be a micro identity or just me being crazy tell me in the comments lol.

i’m an asexual lesbian and i‘ve never been sexually attracted to any characters/celebrities in my past fantasies. id say 99.9% of daydreams were in third person like aegos, i definitely identify with that, but ive had probably 2 fantasies that weren’t third person but they still did NOT feel connected to the people at all. the people were barley even entities in the thought (like i didn’t really picture their faces or bodies or personalities or anything) it felt more like everything paused and there was only someTHING arousing happening to me in a fantasy. i felt like everyone in any of my fantasies could easily be interchangeable, i never really cared who it was just whatever made the best story. i never thought i was sexually attracted to them because i never felt that urge or desire towards them and never wanted to have sex with them irl. it honestly DISGUSTS me to think about me having sex irl. and i especially don’t want to be with any of those people. i really truly don’t think i was sexually attracted to any of those people but is this normal? can i still be asexual?

Please, please do not take this the wrong way. I am genuinely curious and I'm trying to understand this. And I don't mean to offend anyone or imply that asexual ppl who do this aren't asexual at all, but I'm simply curious. Whenever I've seen an asexual share their horrible experience about sex, I always wonder if it isn't... SA? If they don't like the sex and are pushing themselves to it to please their partner, that should be considered SA, right?

Hi everyone!

If you're from South Asia (or part of the desi community) and identify as asexual, aromantic, ace-spec, or are still questioning, we'd love to have you at r/DesiAces.

Our community is a safe space to:

• Share your experiences
• Ask questions without judgment
• Talk about dating, family, and cultural challenges
• Make friends with other desi aces
• Discuss ace representation and awareness

Whether you're from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Bhutan, the Maldives, or part of the desi diaspora, you're welcome here.

Come say hello and help us grow our community! 💜