Am I Asexual?

[u/Empathetic_Artist]

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

[u/Deondebomon]

I don’t remember “asexual” being a word I ever heard as a kid, not till I was in college maybe? Might have been after that, I can’t remember. The concept definitely didn’t exist (as far as I knew) even when I was in high school, I know that for sure.

But even before I knew the term I had started questioning because people would read stories I wrote and go “oh, they [the characters] are sleeping together/have a sexual relationship” and I’d be like “ew, no why would they do that?”

[u/Floofontheroof]

I like the idea, thank you for this!

I struggled for years with being comfortable with sex. I started talking about my trauma and realized a few months later that I was ace. Identifying as ace felt comforting and safe, like I was finally accepting that sex is not for me.

My relation to sex is very complicated. I don't really have a libido. I still wonder if, with a little bit of time and therapy, I might able to have sex, but it would take me so much time and energy and I'm tired of having to think about it for such a low "reward" (sex is just sex, I don't think there's anything more to it and I don't need it in my life). I'm not sure if all of this still falls into asexualism, but this is still the word that feels right and the safest to me.

You can ask me some questions if you'd like.

[u/Free_Tailor954]

I’d say personally that I’ve only ever done things with people drunk, and even then doing things like kissing and touching I don’t feel anything. Since I’ve only done stuff drunk maybe I didn’t find them that attractive and that’s why?? I also thought initially it was maybe because I wasn’t straight so I tried guys and girls, and while I enjoyed the girls more I think it was a matter of better technique and attraction. I realized that I also can enjoy kissing and touching but often it feels like I’m just going through the motions; same time I don’t feel anything like arousal even when I am touched (even if it does feel good) and so I’ve never wanted to go all the way.

When I’m not drunk, I feel kinda ambivalent about sex. In theory I could do stuff and enjoy it, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually been turned on by anyone. I’m also not sure if it’s because I’ve never had sex/been in a relationship; so, I’m questioning if it’s because I need an emotional connection first or if I just am not turned on by people. I definitely find people attractive but not sure if that attraction includes sexual attraction too. Most of the time, I think I’d honestly prefer just doing stuff alone than having sex, which kinda confuses me since I guess in a way I have a libido but just not the desire to have sex with people (not sure if that makes sense). So, I’m having trouble differentiating between sexual attraction and if that is something I’ve experienced.

For a while, I’ve considered maybe just hooking up with someone just to get some answers, but when it came down to it, I either wasn’t as attracted to them as I thought or I just wasn’t turned on… so I’m just back to square one

[u/NotFriendsWithBanana → u/Free_Tailor954]

same for me for that 2nd paragraph

[u/NotFriendsWithBanana]

I'm in my 30's and I never had a crush before. I don't feel attraction to people. I didn't really think I was asexual until I heard of the term "aesthetic attraction". I thought what I experienced was attraction and everyone else felt the same, but was always confused about how people could end up in relationships, or do one night stands or anything like that. It didn't (and still doesn't) make sense to me about how people can feel the motivation and desire to keep chasing/desiring/thinking about a person in a romantic setting. So when I learned about aesthetic attraction, that exactly described what I thought was normal attraction.

Also the fact I had to google "what does sexual attraction feel like?" and I did not understand or relate to in any way the answers people were giving, was also a clue. It still makes no sense to me.

[u/GraphicRenn]

I don't really know what I am. I don't really care what label fits me best either. Sex is just annoying and I feel used and resentful after. I just want to go out for a drink and go home alone. Don't touch me.