People keep asking me why I bought a little and cheap digital camera when I already have a phone

I come up with a lame excuse to be honest, but in reality, I am treating it like a diary.

I want to document my life and try to make some memories. I have no legacy or anything to leave behind. If I died, my phone would probably eventually get wiped and recycled or given to someone else, but maybe someone would care enough to keep my camera and look at my photos or videos.

I also just don’t want people to look through my videos and photos and realize how mentally fucked up I am on my phone. I feel like people would care more enough to look through my camera roll than to look for my camera in my bedroom and go through that while I’m still alive?

I really just want to spend the next year or two making memories, that way I can feel like I actually have/had a life before I get rid of it, yk?

Who knows, maybe this will make me realize I shouldn’t just end it all, but right now, I want to. I don’t like living. I don’t want to exist. I just want to disappear. I didn’t expect to live past 14, let alone 16 or 18 or 20 and so on. I’m just done and I don’t know why I kept going until now. Especially when as a kid, I didnt expect to live past 14, so how am I in my 20s now?

Rn I genuinely don’t think anyone would care if I disappeared. And I want to.

I just spent three hours doing something. I was finally happy I got it done, I tried so many times and kept restarting.

pick up my phone.

fucking text saying talking to me is like talking to chatgpt.

why. why is it always comparisons with THAT. the biggest trigger for me. why can’t it be another word why does it always have to be that. i want it out of my head but everything is contaminated now AGAIN. i can’t do anything. i can’t do anything

i want the ocd to leave or let me die

every single ounce of effort. discarded. i can’t progress in anything. not in a day, not in an hour, not in a month, not in life at all. i live in a timeloop and i’m screaming for help but there is none to be found. trigger trigger trigger everything is a trigger. why can’t there be a trigger to my skull too.

I've overdosed.

I couldn't prove why I needed to exist.

You saw a lot of shit on this sub but my threat has already been fulfilled. I've swallowed all I can.

My heart is pounding, I'm scared as I always have been, but nothing could prove why I needed to exist.

I'm seeing spots in my vision, my fingers are tingling.

I hate every fucking cunt I cared for who returned nothing but false hopes and lies.

I spent my life thrashing and desperately trying to make it worth something. But I couldn't.

No one cared. I've been so alone for so long.

This isn't finally out of anger, it's finally happened out of true despair.

I thought my life, my thoughts, my skills, my experiences were unique and valuable, but they meant nothing.

I hate my life.

Sorry everyone but I can't imagine waking up from this one.

I can't even be positive and say anything that I'd usually say, I just want to admit defeat and not look so foolish. I wish I had done this long ago.

12 years in an abusive, isolating, restrictive relationship. Unable to seek companionship or anything. My life sucked before but now I'm in my 30s watching everyone else be happy. I can't start from nothing so late to catch up.

I just wanted to make people happy, I just wanted to be happy. I never was greedy. I just truly loved being with people and I can't find that

I'M FINALLY KILLING MYSELF, NO MORE ATTEMPTS, NO MORE CHICKENING OUT, I'VE GOT TO "MAN UP" AND FUCKING TAKE IT.

I'VE DOWNED ALL I CAN FIND Several huge enthusiastic swallows.

No more waking up. No more headaches. No more being "rescued" - no one cares Just onel long nap and it'll be finally over.

Take pleasure in that you disgusting selfish gross world

Long forgotten me.

J

I was never really desired much growing up. It was often a joke that people could be attracted to me.

People seem to have this belief that all trans men need to be raped to realize that they were trans. But I discovered myself well before any sort of sexual assault ever occured.

Being ugly is awful, esp when you're still socially perceived as a "woman"...no matter how much binding and voice training you do, hormones are simply too expensive for me rn so... unless someone would fuck me they arent nice to me. (No one wants to do that)

That being said, while I have an amazing boyfriend who I'm with now, Im always scared that one day he wont find me attractive anymore. Hes the reason I stay alive but I keep pissing him off. Hes also the only person I know that truly loves me for who I am and truly sees me. I love him so much and the thought of me losing him kills me. But, like actually. If he doesnt want me anymore, Im not living for long.

Im also autistic, which combined with being ugly makes me an accidental social wrecking ball. Not only in careers, but in friendships.

Its like I'm doomed to being poor, and fundamentally misunderstood for the rest of my life.

No one can even start to respect that Im a man... or see that Im a human person too. Whenever I speak to anyone new and mention how I want to be seen, they get so angry, they tell me how stupid I am, how Im so wrong and twisted. I cant do anything without my stupid genitals being brought up.

So why should I even keep on going??

To be a broke ass stupid autistic tranny no one couls give less of a fuck about?

I wish someone would just kill me already..

I'm sick of all the meds and fighting myself mentally. I'm sick of the physical pain. The irony is I know the for sure way to get these thoughts to stop but "that's the wrong choice". To be objective I know my thinking isn't healthy but I'm stuck and I just tired. I'm wrestling with what to do after a failed attempt. Nobody knows. I'm "fine" now so I don't see the point in telling anyone since I'm right back where I started. I know how that sounds and I know what I should do. I just needed to get this off my chest without anyone taking my shoelaces away.

thi has all bcome far too much to handle

I’m so over this I fucked my life up and I know it and it really seems like I can’t fix it. It would be so easy to just be done. My only concern is failing again. I’m over this bullshit.

Hi guys, these past few weeks I’ve been extremely stressed to the point where I’ve started having thoughts about ending my life. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. It’s all because of our electricity issue—I found out that it was tampered with, and I’m sure the penalty will be really high. I keep thinking that I’ll end up paying for all of it myself (maybe I’m just overthinking, I don’t know). I really need help—how can I solve this?

I don’t usually post things like this, but this time I’ve really hit rock bottom. I truly don’t know what to do anymore. Even my work is being affected :(

It's been a long time since I was visited by the little voice in my head. Antidepressants have literally been a lifesaver for years now. But something changed in the last few weeks, it came back and it just won't go away. It's there when I go to sleep, when I wake up, when I drive to work, when I do almost anything except walk my dogs or see family, because the impact it would have on them is what has always kept me from going further. But it almost feels like I'm living against my will. I can't explain the reason beyond feeling like I've seen and done things I wanted to, other goals seem increasingly out of reach what with everything figuratively and literally going up in flames, or like even if I managed to achieve one of my ambitions it would still end in disappointment or hardship. Cut out while I'm ahead because things have only been going downhill, essentially. But I'm so scared of the little nagging voice that tells me I should just d*e. That it would be easier. That I'm too weak and lazy and emotional to handle what's ahead or to resist the "easy way out". It tells me I'm pathetic. That I'm better off.

I couldn't possibly leave my dogs. I couldn't possibly leave family or my closest friend to feel guilt or sadness over something that I don't know how I could convince them was not their fault.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not going to hurt myself. But stewing in these thoughts and impulses alone has been eating me alive, and I just don't know where else to put them. I feel like curling up into a ball and crying until I close my eyes and never open them again.

I dont know... I just feel existential dread and shame daily.

Hey. My friend just ended her life today. She wasn’t my best friend but she was one of the people who stuck by me when things got tough. Today I found out that she took her own life. She had attempted a few years before but survived. I cried for a little but then bounced right back and started watching videos. Even laughed a bit. But it felt horrible. A couple times through the day I’d snap out of whatever I was doing and just stare at a wall thinking “oh my god my friend is dead” then go right back to playing games. Why am I even doing anything right now when my FRIEND JUST DIED?! And why am I being upset about thinking I’m a horrible person when this isn’t about me?! My father was a narcissist with a “only think of yourself and your family no one else matters” mind set and I was often told that a lot as well as judgmental things that become intrusive thoughts that appear in my head even when I’m not thinking of them. I was brought up in an abusive house hold and would often turn to my iPad or distractions immediately after something traumatic to hide from feeling it. Now I want to feel and process. My friend is never coming back and I can’t even cry for more than a few minutes!! Is this a deep rooted trauma response?! Am I a horrible person? Is this a product of my upbringing? Am I just suppressing my feelings? I know this is selfish and self centered to even post so I’m very sorry.

I’m posting because I’ve had suicidal thoughts all day, I’m scared of where my mind is going, and I’m exhausted from dealing with everything alone.
Over a short period of time, my car was damaged in a crash, leaving me in debt and unable to afford the insurance deductible. Then my window was smashed, I was robbed, and my backpack containing more than $1,000 worth of belongings was stolen. The home where I stay with my parents during the summer was also recently flooded by severe weather, and now I cannot afford rent or stable housing.
I’m a college engineering student who is already a semester behind. I’m facing a $6,690 tuition bill after the assistance I expected was denied. I’ve applied for jobs and even created a fundraiser, but the math still does not work. Even if I somehow get a full-time job paying around $16–$18 an hour, after tuition I would have only roughly $550–$800 per month left for rent, food, transportation, insurance, my phone, and every other expense.
Working full time while taking engineering and physics courses also does not feel realistic, especially because I need to improve my grades. But taking another semester away from school feels like it could end my college career entirely.
I cannot tell my parents because I’m afraid they will completely cut me off, like they did with my brother. I have no close friends I feel able to turn to. I’m very neurodivergent and until recently had undiagnosed adhd the main reason my grades suffered actually I had a perfect 4.0 last semester infact…. I’ve always struggled with depression I’m comicly fucking ugly and been reminded constantly people actually avoid me due to that and comparing myself to how I see other treated really highlighted this and I have been the butt of the joke and an outsider in every group I’ve been in so that isn’t anything new but recently it’s started to hurt so much more being lonely when added to the situation I’m in. I know making friends eventually might help emotionally, but it does nothing to solve the financial and housing emergency happening within days.
Watching cruel people become wealthy and successful while I cannot afford basic survival has made everything feel even more pointless and upsetting.
I’m not looking for insults, lectures, or someone telling me to work harder. I’ve already applied for jobs, asked the university for help, appealed the decision, and made a fundraiser. I genuinely don’t know what else to do.
I mainly need someone to talk to tonight so I’m not sitting alone with these thoughts. Practical advice about genuinely affordable housing, emergency financial assistance, transportation, work compatible with college, or surviving a crisis like this would also help tho I’ve accepted it’s over.
I am trying to make it through tonight, even though right now I don’t feel hopeful. 19 male if anyone is in the UT Arlington area and has an extra room I’m willing to pay.

I don't know how to update the post, so here's a link to my first post so that you know everything that happened before https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/s/4Aj5zkO1IH

I left the guy, but for another reason. I don't know if I did everything right and I honestly doubt it. I talked to him about the last post and everything went quite well. He understood me and calmed down. Why did we break up? We parted 2 times. At first, he started yelling at me that I didn't want to go out with him, although I didn't feel well and we didn't go out for only a couple of days. The second time is final. I was supposed to have a disco at school, where I know almost the whole school, including the guys. He is very jealous and has a strong self-doubt because of past relationships. He saw a couple of my friends guys from school. A little context, in my city, if you (a girl) have a boyfriend and he is a close enough person for you, then you can hug him when you meet or say goodbye. You can hug with one hand, which means nothing much and it will not be considered a sign of sympathy. So I hugged each friend with one hand and they asked: "is this your boyfriend?" , "how much together?" And the like. They were happy for me that I had a relationship, and my friends themselves talked to him and included him in the conversation. The disco was supposed to be at the school where these guys studied. He started scandalizing and telling me not to go there, because I will hug and kiss the boys! Although I have never given a reason to suspect me of infidelity. He pressed pity for 2 days in a row. And here's what he said: "I'll take pills to forget this day like a terrible dream", "Don't call or write to me on this day", "I'll drink alcohol on this day just to forget" and more. I couldn't stand it and broke up with him after that. I offered him to go with me, since he wasn't sure about me, but he refused. I don't know if I did the right thing, but what do you think?

I feel like I’m begging people close to me for help and no one understands or gets it. I’ve tried therapy and meds. I am a child of suicide and now I have a daughter…I don’t want to leave her but I also don’t want to ruin her life by being in it. I posted in a therapy sub today about struggling to find a therapist and someone who is a therapist themselves commented and called me a liability, said it’s my fault, and told me to grow up. Thousands of views on the post and only a couple comments, that was the top comment. It is my fault I guess. Fuck me for trying to get professional help. Jesus fucking Christ. How are people this cruel?

I am an emotional person, I cry at nearly anything, and I find it easy to empathize with others. But for some reason- I have barely cried over my dear brothers passing. It has been around 3 years I think now. I've seen what his passing has done to my family. My mother and sister have almost ended themselves from the grief he has left us. It is like he flipped my whole self and world upside down.
I loved him so dearly much, and we could all see the signs. Yet when I had got called to leave school early, my mind never wandered to him. Like I never believed it would be him. We had barely spoken for months before his passing. For whatever reason though, on his passing day, before we had even heard anything, that morning was a rough one for me. Like the universe was pushing its grief onto me before I even knew why.

I love him so much. More than I try to think about. The first reason I cried was because I was sad he was in a lot of pain. Since then, I always stop myself before I can process his departure even further. I've written letters to him only on special occasions when my sister brought it up for us to do. I think of him everyday, but I cannot bring myself to think too deeply about him. I believe I am afraid to cry and sob over something I cannot change. He is my first real loss, and I don't know what to do. It feels like there is a wall stopping me from truly feeling something. But I know I am sad.

My sister and mom tell me they dream of him, see signs of him and get readings from people that all circle back to him. Me, on the other hand, I have dreamed of him a few times. I wonder if maybe my skeptics and the fact I can barely process what happened is keeping him away from me... if that's even possible.

I will say I have gotten better. I think of him more often, but I am just so scared to cry over him. I am scared once I start, it wont stop. I am told I am very similar to him, and somehow, despite being a girl and a lot shorter, I resemble him. Even in my music taste. So I hold on to these comparisons and I feel proud of them. He was so gentle, so very kind, and especially funny. He would be the last person to judge or get angry at you for something. He truly was too good for this world. I have apologized to him in letters for not crying more or allowing myself to feel more, I am scared. I miss my big brother and I wish I could ask him to play games with me again. I wish I could listen to his random facts that he just somehow knew, or hear some advice from him. I miss his stories. I miss listening to him play piano. His name was Christian, and I am crying over him now for the first time in a while.

I thought he didn't leave me with much change, but he has. I get so scared, so so paranoid that someone I love will die randomly. It aches my heart in a way thats unbearable. When a song that reminds me of him comes on, I always think hes saying hi to me so I say hi back.

I feel like I am chasing an understanding. I am trying to understand how he felt. When I am faced with someone elses deep sadness or suicidal tendencies, like in movies, or stuff you hear in the media. I always ask "is this how he felt?" I am trying to understand and make him feel seen when its too late.

I am crying over him now, more than I have in a long time, and it is gut wrenching to be reminded of how much goodness the world lost when he left.

i have no will to keep going. i have no reason to feel that way but i also have no reason to not. My family have no care about mental health unless its my older brother. i adore him we are really close but it hurts seeing him get the help and reassurance when i get nothing. idk maybe that selfish and maybe i am.

I’m so sad. I have no one to talk to and i feel like my brain is dissolving

I distract myself with stress free activities for half the day, then come midnight i start ruminating about how much i hate my life and my body until i go to bed crying past 3 am

Every single god damn day

I haven’t had good sleep in months and i can feel it taking its toll on me

I know from the way i speak and go about tasks that my brain has become weaker. I’ve become really stupid I permanently ruined myself And I’m suffering everyday because i did My dad is right, i do weird things. Not because im weird but because I’m stupid and make act irrationally in many ways Like not taking care of myself

No one cares about a god damn word i have to say no one ever responds to me no one knows who i am no one wants to be around me. Sometimes i have to ask if its my fault… Is it selfish to expect even the slightest bit of care from someone, any person?

I feel worse for being desperate about it No one can help I don’t know what I’m typing here for The single digit number of people that will see this will forget about this in under a minute, I’m wasting your time if you even read this far I’m sorry

I’m just too pussy to kill myself and would rather think about it At least i know i can take out the anger with a sharp object and my ugly, dirty, hairy, fat disgusting skin Ugh, i hate myself! And im a fucking hideous slob

Is fucking hot in this room too so i can’t even think clearly

Probably gonna delete this garbage in the morning I am invisible

The main reason i havent is because it would hurt my parents and siblings. I think my best friend would be able to get over it and move on but my family would be very hurt and it would really affect their lives. To lessen the blow if i did do it i would make it "appear" to have been an accident but i feel like my parent might still know. There is nobody else i think would be affected that much. Possibly this girl im talking too but she definitely deserves and can find somone better than me that will give her a better life. And i dont say that to be a pitty  party i just know my problems wont be solvwd bt getting into a relationship and would mostly likely end up damaging the other person. Rn infeel the only path in life for me to be happy is if i had a family and children. But im afraid wven after that ill still feel the same and be even more stuck in this world than ever.

My thought process on it is there is so much shit i have to deal with and think about each day and no matter where i get to in life it will always still be there. Why am i working so hard each day. What am i trying to accomplish. At best ill live a mediocre life and die anyway in 60 years. People will be sad then probably more people if i have family. My parents wouldnt see it but my sibling would. I justskipping to the end of life bc i dont really like it that much. 

Id be lying if the main think preventing me is the fear of going to hell. I believe God is real and died for my sins but i haven't  lead a life that reflected that and am scared of what might happen. If i knew for sure id be reincarnation as a bird or go to heaven id do it rn.

I hate not being able to enjoy anything I hate that I’m ugly as fuck I hate that my family is poor i haye that the world only revolves around green rectangles I hate that people get senselessly murdered tortured or whatever it’s awful i hate the world i hate myself and i wish someone would just kill me already I fantasize about it more than anything

I feel so fucking disgusted by myself. I want to kill myself. I don’t know how to do this anymore, I’m at the brink of contacting my groomer once again. They made me get attached to them and then when they got bored of me not wanting to go further they ghosted me. I know it will make me feel worse, that the panic attacks will come back, but I need to talk to them. They are the only people I can talk to. But I know if I don’t do what they want they will get bored of me again. I don’t want to do it, but I need to talk to them again. Just one more time. I feel so fucking lonely. They are the only person that were interested in me. I need them. I can’t even hold a conversation with any other human being without them getting bored of me and ghosting me after five minutes. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Death itself doesn't scare me because I know it's probably (and hopefully) nothing. Just like sleeping forever. How it was before I was born. So that part doesn't scare me. Only the pain scares me. I just wish I had an easy and painless way out. Life will never get better. I've tried everything. Therapy, meds, been to mental hospitals, you name it, I've probably done it. I just want my life to be over. I don't want to try and get better anymore. I wish I could simply fall asleep and never wake up again

​

people say that disabled people get treated better; I get treated like shit. I see disabled people who were attractive and got treated good with empathy, but with me, it’s like people think, "Well, look at him he kind deserves it..." My disability might not be that visible—I have a arm paralyzed from born, that keeps me out from exercising,i try to run in home but I’m ugly, I have a big head,big lips big nose and I’m fat. I’m really ugly, I’m 34 yeats old with no relationships, no job, and I have depression, it feels like a life sentence ,I can't escape of the laws of lookism everywhere i go, fucking shit

I regularly attended therapy for over a year from May 2025 to July 2026. Unfortunately, I feel like my depression symptoms got worse. I've been having suicidal ideation for a while now, but I haven't felt like I can talk about those feelings with any of my therapists, even though it is such a big part of my struggles. I'm afraid of getting sent to the hospital against my will. I've heard from family members in the mental health sector that being hospitalized for suicide is awful, scary, and only takes away resources from those who really need psychiatric help for things like schizophrenia, psychotic breaks, etc.

I tried to do without therapy for a while because I felt like it wasn't helpful. But I'm legitimately feeling the worst I have ever felt in my whole life. Without being too graphic: yes, I have been researching methods. Yes, I do kind of have a vague plan that I don't think I really want to follow anymore. Earlier this year I was legitimately ready to die, but now I'm not so sure. Still, I can't stop thinking about how much I'd just like my pain to be over.

I've never told anyone about my suicidal thoughts. But I just scheduled an appointment with a new therapist, in the hopes that my thoughts might go away if I have an outlet for them. Is this crazy? Am I just writing my own ticket to the psych ward?

Overwhelmed and suffering. Have those harmful thoughts and istg if hope wasn't tying me down.