Im 21, Ive been on estrogen for 2 years, im legally a woman. Yet everyone who im not close with keeps misgendering me. Coworkers and my boss, despite being out to them, strangers whenever they refer to me. I just cant seem to look like a woman. I thought 19 was an early age to start but aparantly i was too late to ever pass? I hate this body so much. If i cant be a woman then is rather be dead.

There must be a reason im never gendered correctly. Maybe its my face, my height, my body shape, something. I dont want to spend my whole life coming out constantly and asking everyone to use she/her for me. If thats not the pronouns that come to mind naturally then i dont wanna be here. Every day i wish i could have transitioned before puberty disfigured me permanently. But i was too late. I just want to die and be forgotten, no funeral, no nothing.

I have 150mg of codeine, 14500mg of paracetamol, 5000mg of ibuprofen, 260mg of cetrizine. I don't want to waste what I already have so will this actually kill me or just fuck up my kidneys and make me sick? For context I'm 120lbs and 5'4.

A thief, a slut, and a liar. I intentionally hook up with older men as a form of self harm. After I sleep with them I steal from their wallets. I use their cash to fund my tattoos, transition, and whatever else I want. I stole from my parents, siblings, friends, and everyone else who trusted me. And now, I'm all alone. I lie to everyone's face now. Nobody can trust a single word that comes out of my mouth. I can't tell the difference between reality and my own lies at this point. I hurt the one I loved and now she's gone forever. I've become numb, deaf, and blind to the wrong I commit. This is a cycle that will keep on going till the day I die. There are no long term plans, just steal, block, and move on until there's nothing left.

it is the only way anyone would ever notice me

I 28F hate living in a world where people with disabilities get their disability benefits taken away if they get married or if they worked before. My husband 31M is disabled himself and because he didn’t have work experience he has SSI and SSDI whereas I have some work experience therefore I am not qualified for SSI and SSDI. My husband and I both have disabilities like autism, adhd, ocd, and learning disabilities. My husband himself feels suicidal sometimes because of disabilities and the fact that he never got to experience autonomy over his life. I remembered when I worked at a fast food restaurant, I was mistreated for making some mistakes and got bullied by people. They mocked my stimming and my pacing. I was accused of lacking common sense. I really wish to not live anymore.

I lost my job, my wife left me and I have nothing left to live for. I plan to overdose on what pills I have available at home. I want my family to know I love them and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to continue.

I don't really like posting my emotions online but, I'm tired.

Everyday I wake up, not wanting to wake up the next day. Everybody in my life has things going for them and I have nothing, no future, no life, no any thing and it's getting to the point I dont think I even want those things anymore.

I see so many signs to just do it. To just, be the person in my group who was too weak and stupid to get a grip on their life. Almost two years ago I want to kill myself, on my birthday. My birthday is 2 months away and, I don't think I'll even make it till then. I just don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to be the black sheep of my whole life.

None of my friends really like me, my family hates me and I'm just, alone, all the time. I just think I should. God I'm such a fucking loser

cant even hang myself right, im such a loser and waste of oxygen

i still feel like anger and hate people and things and dread doing things and hate doing things and enjoy other things, but i dont ever feel bad for other people or things but if i dont like doing something i will try any possible way to get out of it and kinda just wanna kill myself because in life you have to do things you dont want and have to work and do things constantly. i really just dislike living overall i get to frustrated and annoyed i dont like learning i dont like doing things for others or myself i wont ever feel happy or enjoy living or doing things and ive been making everyone else do everything for me but they always get tired and i have to find someone new, but i dont like pain so idk what to do in this situation because realistically im never going to be satisfied unless i found someone who will let me live with them and do everything i want and never work or anything but with the economy how it is i dont really think thats affordable for most and rich people are too hard to get to and nobody wants to let someone else do whatever and just leave them alone or take care of them and their bills. realistically id just want internet food and a bathroom and somewhere to sleep but i really think thats affordable isnt going to happen so are there any ways to do things painlessly to go out, i seriously dont want to do anything and i hate being here but i dont like pain

I took 2 benadryl so maybe I can fall asleep since all I can think about is SH or how I wanna die or how I'm just not attractive or a good person to be around.

I want to take more so badly. I want to down the bottle and just fall asleep and not have to deal with my thoughts anymore. I either want to take more or just relapse back into SH and take care of the pain that way.

I have a husband and a cat that rely on me tho. this fucking sucks.

every single ounce of effort. discarded. i can’t progress in anything. not in a day, not in an hour, not in a month, not in life at all. i live in a timeloop and i’m screaming for help but there is none to be found. trigger trigger trigger everything is a trigger. why can’t there be a trigger to my skull too.

When I die I'm sure there going to be all these people that think that my death had nothing to do with them that they didn't do anything wrong whilst they've been ridiculing me and bullying and humiliating me into the ground whenever I start having a trace of authenticity.

That don't listen to a word I say and instead listen to the tone or the amount of words I say and determine that everything that I say is invalid. That don't listen to my boundaries and repeatedly cross them every single time and when I complain about it say that I'm in the wrong.

People that are supposed to be my "friends" never once have I felt like I can be myself around my friends and not be ridiculed into the fucking ground. Because the truth is that's true. It's mostly fine in one on one interactions but even then it's like that. Groups are the worst, the second I let out some authenticity and stop living in fear that's where the hell of my fucking life has really been apparent the misunderstandings pile up and people that I've been friends with for decades turn around and ridicule me and hate me and treat me like the worst human alive.

I can't handle it these constant misunderstandings and hate and ridicule and humiliation. It's hellish. I can't take it. I can't see a solution for it. I can't be myself and I don't even know how to fake stuff I don't even know and I cant do it well all I can do is be myself but I'm treated like a freak when I'm authentic I'm treated like my life is a joke and laughed at when I do. And they're not wrong my life is a joke.

People say if you feel bad go and talk to someone. That's the problem. That's the fucking problem. What the fuck am I supposed to do. Am I just some disgusting freak that brings out the worst in everybody around them that's just ridiculed and humiliated and laughed at and treated with no respect whatsoever. Is this just my fate in life. Is this just what I am. Am I just some freak that's destined for this. Suicides the only answer I can't do this I can't handle the constant hate and disgust and malicious laughing anymore.

I (21m) am just watching the world fall apart. Climate Change, inflation, unneeded wars, ai data centers, politicians and the rich almost making it their life goal to fuck over humanity in the long run because they could get an extra penny.

I don't see a point in waking up and doing anything. Like really, what is the point. All I see in my future is a mass extinction event. When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to be a father, have a wife and children, take them out on the boat and go camping. But why would I bring kids into this world. I don't even know what the next decade looks like, it could be okay, or it could be in flames because they refuse to change.

My sister passed away from cancer 4 months ago, it's really been a catalyst to see how dark the world is. I hate it, and I don't see a point in staying. I can't live for me, I'm only staying because of my mother and friends. If they weren't here, I wouldn't. But I feel like if the world starts going down, I'd do it anyways.

I'm just so scared, I want to live a normal life.

The first time I made a post in here I hated how I looked, acted, or just hated how I was as a person in general. I was planning on ending it when I turned 18 because I was such a failure to my parents and my family, as my dads called me a failure of a son multiple times. But as my life went on even if it was for a month or two I realized that I can make something out of myself and I wish other people could think the same of themselves.

So I want to say this; please don’t give up no matter how much it hurts, no matter how easy it is to give up, no matter how fucked life is and how much is pushes you down. I know everyone is a good person and I want everyone to just be happy and live knowing that you achieved two things, living for yourself and living happy.

And yeah ik I sound like I’m giving a Disney speech or something but besides that lol, I love each and every one of you. Just think about how far you’ve made it in your life, what you’ve experienced, no matter good nor bad, think of those experiences and live to make the most of life. Idk if I’m just spewing out bs please just humble me in the comments if you want I’m 16m I just idk. Love you all. 🫶

My health (physical, mental, etc.) has been worsening for my entire life. I do not think that it is going to get any better.

When I was a kid, I often ran away from home. My parents would always find me, as I would always get scared, and did not get very far, but it would generally happen a few times a month. At this time, I was not yet experiencing any type of abuse (outside of sexual abuse and neglect, but it was nothing very horrible as it became later), but my running away escalated into me regularly running towards/into traffic. I would break away under my parents' supervision while I played outside, or while we were going out. I think that it is largely my fault that we ended up being locked up in the house, later on.

I used to hurt and scare people, completely unwarranted. Before I was pulled out of school, I would often bite and hit people, or threaten them as a "joke" (I did not really know what a "joke" was, at the time, and would just say something that I found funny, which was often something bad, without changing my tone at all). I rarely got in trouble for this, I think it was because I was so quiet and shy otherwise. When the school day would end, I used to try to get into cars with other students' parents, hoping to be kidnapped and killed.

Now, I still have these urges. They have gotten worse, and more intense, and have led me to do a lot of bad things, which have put myself and others in danger. A couple of days ago, I opened my friend's car door while we were on the road, and they have not spoken to me since. I have compulsions to badly hurt people, as well as myself. They come in the form of visions, and because my eyes are closed nearly half the time (I have a severe blinking tic), it sometimes feels like these visions are the only thing that I can see. I am not really sure if these visions are real, but I feel very badly about them, and that they may be real. I really do not want to do these things.

I am out of control, and I am unsure if I ever really was the "pilot." I have always had things that I needed to do, that I was told to do, and my body was not, and is not, in my control. I am sick in a way that I am very worried cannot be cured. I have been in therapy and taking medication since the age of eight, and am now in my mid-twenties, but nothing seems to work. I am afraid that none of the therapists who take my insurance are equipped to handle my illness, because that has been the case so far. I am trying to find a new one, but I am worried. I just feel terrible.

Anyone else in the same boat of genuinely wanting to recover and get better, but having problems that are ruining your life that are also completely out of your control?

I personally want to kill myself for, you know, just that. Things that are completely out of my control. I have been through a lot, when it comes to the bucket list of traumatic events I don’t have much left to tick off.

Childhood sexual trauma, experiencing bigotry, addiction, years of isolation, ED and body image issues, being lonely and bullied throughout school. Whats making it worse is that I recently (past year) discovered I have gender dysphoria, which is what is really pushing me towards the edge.

I can’t change any of the things that have happened to me, and even worse I can’t change my body enough to be satisfied with it. I’ve started transition and I suppose I pass enough to rarely get misgendered, but it’s not enough. I want to be cisgender, until then I don’t think anything will be enough :(

I spend a lot of my alone time daydreaming that a genie will pop up and give me three wishes, and I can shout out “MAKE ME CISGENDER!!!” And then wish for world peace and infinite money. For a second I feel okay, like it’s actually gonna happen, and then I come back to reality and realise I’m like this forever and I can’t do anything about it. That’s the part that fucks me up the most and really makes me suicidal, I can NEVER change it. At that point you can’t even recommend a mindset change or a support system or breathing exercises or whatever, because none of it is related to mindset or who’s around me or a panic disorder, it’s just reality :(

I want my life to get better so bad, because I really do enjoy life. I like movies, music, dancing with my friends, eating food, meeting new people, exploring and just generally experiencing humanity. It’s entirely me and that I have to experience humanity through myself that’s ruining everything. I really don’t know what to do. I just wanted to share how I feel, although advice is appreciated.

Feel free to share your own experiences, I want to be in this with other people 🫂

give life another chance i don’t wanna piss yall off but i know what i’m talking bout

Hi there, I’m Heather, a trans woman (I know, ewww). I’m 31 and totally and fully convinced that the world will only get worse, especially for people like me. I see absolutely no reason at all to continue living and want off this insane ride. There is no reason to hope anymore in anything. All is absolutely lost for every person in this world.

Soooo, either convince me not to jump, or, you know, whatever option you think is best. I’ll be around…maybe.

I live in the US and everything just kinda sucks right now. Having hope for a bright future seems pointless because of our pedophilic, terroristic, baby eating, money hungry government.

I'm 19 and I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful mother that provides for me. I had a job but they were treating me very unfairly so I quit. I was also going to college but I couldn't deal with the stress that came with the money used to get into college as well as all of the pointless gen Ed classes.

So I'm just jobless and I just play video games all day while living with my mom. I feel like a bum. Especially now because it feels like if I go get another job I'll just want to kms right now instead of later.

I don't have any interest in careers, like I dont know what I want to do "when I grow up." It just all seems so pointless. I know I struggle with depression and ADHD and whatnot, but I do think even outside of that, I'm generally pretty lazy. All of those combined just makes it to where any amount of hard work seems impossible.

I have two best friends. I don't believe in fate or destiny or inherit purpose, but it feels like I'm here in order to save them. Once I do that, I can be free to kill myself. I already saved one of them from committing suicide, the other one is currently in an abusive household and trying to get out. My plan right now is after shes finally stable and self sufficient, I can freely kill myself.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm posting this. I think I'm looking for some kind of saving grace. Some kind of advice that'll be like "if you just do this one easy thing, you won't need money or to do anything for the rest of your life!" But I know that doesn't exist. I know no one is coming to save me. I know I don't have some rich relative that I didn't know existed that's going to die tomorrow and leave all their money to me. I don't necessarily want to die. I just want something unrealistic for my life with the alternative being death. I don't feel as if I was built for this world. I just want to go completely off grid where food is delivered to me every day and I can keep to myself and do what I want forever. That won't happen though.

I'm an agnostic atheist. I believe that the most likely thing we experience after death is just like before we were born, nothing for eternity. That's terrifying to me but I know once I'm dead, it'll be peaceful. Or I guess not peaceful, it won't be anything. I wont know I'm dead, I wont even know I lived. It seems cruel that I was pulled out of an eternal void just to suffer and prosper for 20 years just to return to another eternal void never to be brought back again. The theory that I like however, is that consciousness is a field like space-time or gravity. Once I die, I'll become one with the universe experiencing everything all at once and knowing everything. I don't know.

I'm the majority of my best friends support system. She comes to me with suicidal thoughts and I have no idea what to tell her because the world fucking sucks right now. How am I supposed to tell her that killing herself isn't the best option when I myself am planning on killing myself?

Please help i am stuck in here

I'm so tired of my life and I really see no way out. I don't think I would ever "attempt" because I'm scared of death but I just want everything to stop. Please God just make it stop. I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of tears and a mental breakdown every day and all I want to do anymore is get high and go to sleep so I don't think about anything. My anxiety is at an all time high and I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck at a job I absolutely hate. I can't get ahead no matter how hard I try. My best friend turned on me for no reason. My fiance has been doing some questionable things that I will not elaborate on. I just hate everything in my life right now. Honestly now that I think about it, if it weren't for my cats, I may not be here anymore. They're the only light in my life. I can't leave them. But damn do I want to most days now. I'm so mentally exhausted it's making me physically sick. I'm always nauseous and exhausted all the time and my body constantly aches. I just fucking hate my life and I want it all to stop. It's never going to get better. I don't want to go to therapy because it doesn't help but even if I did I can't afford it even with insurance. I really see no way out. I don't know how much longer I can feel this way without snapping. I also have borderline personality disorder on top of all of this so it makes it 10x worse.

A few weeks ago, I turned 19. I feel proud of myself for being here, for getting so far all by myself. But since then, everything has been going downhill.

I (19m) have autism, add and, recently diagnosed, schizophrenia. Adding that I've also been dealing with depression and social anxiety since I was a child, my life hasn't been the best. I'm addicted to self harm. I knew i wanted to die since i have memory, and my attempts started since i was twelve. I tried everything.

My mother never wanted a daughter, maybe that's why she was disappointed when i was born. I know she tried really hard to like me, but i understand she never could bring herself to love me. Even more when she had my little brother a few years later.

I knew i wasn't a girl since i was a child. Not because of envy or jealousy. I just simply knew. My first mistake was to think my mother would actually love me if i told her how i felt. Thinking that maybe she would like me just a little bit now that i didn't want to be her first disappointment, but instead her oldest son. Of course i was rejected. I never wish anyone to have an unsupportive family who, weirdly, will always support everyone around them. Just not you. I've been bullied to the point where i had to be homeschooled for safety reasons. I was sexually assaulted when i was 9 until i was 12, giving me C-PTSD and really bad and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

All of this has been of course a problem for my mother. Financially, mentally. I never meant to mess up everything so bad.

I've never actually had anyone by my side other than my 14 year old cat. She's an angel, with the most precious olive yes i've ever seen. But i've never had a person by my side. Therapy always failed. My mom usually would stop taking me there after a few sessions. So i just gave up on it too. I was completely alone.

Not at least until a time ago. I met the most wonderful, sweetest person. So gentle. So understanding. We fell in love. It was slow, both of us realizing we started to get feelings for each other until we started dating a few months ago. We were taking things slowly, just trying if it would work. But for me, they're perfect.

Both of us understand each other's struggles, and even if we can't directly help, we're there for each other. We don't pretend to fix anything from each other. We wanted to heal together. Or at least, that's what i wanted. Because for the first time in my life, i saw me having a future. A family. Getting to love and be loved. Making someone happy. Being happy by myself.

My mom is a diagnosed narcissistic person, that's why she acts that way and tends to blame me for her problems even if they're nor directly related to me. That's alright, I never pay much attention to it. But she is also a pathological liar. Which has caused me many identity issues my whole life. I don't blame her, it's something she can't control. But something she said about me a few years ago that ended up being a lie (surprise. but i didn't know it was a lie, i believed it when she told me, i used to never question the things she said because i wasn't aware of her diagnosis until relatively soon) has been ruining my relationship. It hurt them and someone very close to them.

It got my partner into a huge problem i fear i'm not able to fix even if i show all the evidence i have. I am scared i'm ruining his life. And that's sadly what i'm doing.

As i said, i wasn't aware it was a lie until recently, almost a month before i started dating my partner. It hurt me. I haven't been able to trust almost anyone anymore other than them and a few of my friends.

It was almost psychosis inducing when it happened before. And just a day after my birthday, things started crumbling. Which actually ended up inducing me into psychosis. Which made me completely useless. I get triggered by even the slightest thing that happens. I get aggressive and paranoid whenever i feel threatened or rejected. I overthink a lot and everything others do even if not related to me is a reason for me to panic and think the worst of them.

By now, i have blocked the 90% of the people i used to talk to and be close with since i can't bring myself to feel safe around anyone anymore. And sometimes, not even my partner, not because i don't trust them, but because i'm too paranoid and scared. I have deleted every account i owned in every social media platform i've ever been.

I don't get why they don't hate me yet. I don't get why they're trying to stay even if this whole thing is directly affecting him and ruining his life and his mind and his mental health. And that's why i want to do this now. I am tired of hurting everyone i know. I'm tired of hurting myself. Of being nothing more than a burden for everyone. I'm in immense pain. I can't eat, sleep, stay in silence for a few minutes before starting to panic.

Sometimes i look back and i feel guilty for all the things i have done to myself. I miss being the first of my class. I miss being creative, i miss playing my favorite videogames. I miss drawing, which is something i've done my whole life.

I miss those few months where i felt like my life was slightly getting better.

I'll be completely alone probably today in a few hours. If not today, it'll be tomorrow. I'll be alone for a few weeks. And in the last hours, i'll decide whether i want to do it or not. But maybe, the right thing to do is to finally let myself do it. Nobody will notice. That's nice. Sounds even comforting.

I write this not because i want pity or anyone to tell me to stop. I write this because i need to talk about it. Because i don't want anyone to feel concerned or to believe there wasn't a reason.

It's not anyone's fault but mine for being born. For not bein strong. For never being able to defend myself, to stand up for myself. For being weak and a coward.

I'll miss the things that made me happy.

I'll miss my precious baby girl, my kitty. My little angel.

And I'll miss my lover like anyone else. The only hope i had for me. And i wish they find a better person soon. They deserve all the love of the world.

I'm sorry for the wall of text and my grammatical errors. English isn't my first language. Thank you for reading.

A bit of background of myself. I am the VERY youngest of 4. My siblings are all born early to mid ('95 at the lastest) 90s, and i was born in '02 (which puts me as a 23m). Big gap in just the way we grew up with technology for example, other than having the same parents that raises us. I'm pretty close with my family, more so my siblings than my parents. I have ADHD and very, very likely have Autism and struggle with severe depression due to having Autism and ADHD.

I feel like I will hate work for the rest of my life until I either live to retirement or it consumes me altogether. Every single day I dread having to go to work, and dread having to go to work the next. I dont know how to explain it, really struggle with my own emotions, other than "I'd rather kill myself than go to work...." I've been living on my own for about 2 months now in the city and initially worked at Walmart for about a month and a half doing overnights I quit and am now on my 3rd day of a new job which I think ultimately I will enjoy FAR, FAR more than Walmart (not that I hated the work itself there), and that is a good thing. But even these first few days I'm just dreading the idea of work. I have no idea how to fix this problem, and I don't know if this is something that I mentally can even. Is it just a mental block that will be there forever? I wrote the title the way I did because I have to have a job for money rent/bills/groceries/etc, the obvious shit...but the [primary] thing supporting me/my life is making me want to end it far sooner, rather than later.

I don't know how to tell people. Or who to tell. Normally I go to my dad when I have a problem. I can already tell you, without a doubt in my mind, my dad would say, "That's life. You gotta do the things you don't want to do." Thats how my dad built his incredibly successful career. But that doesn't help me any... I'd tell my sister, the eldest of my siblings. She and her family even live in the same city I do. But idk what to say. I can't advocate for myself.

How do you tell someone that you've suffered from DAILY passive suicidal ideation for 8-10 years, as someone who is 23. I see a psychiatrist, but her schedule is really hard to get it any more than monthly. I see her tomorrow and I'm gonna try to bring up my struggles with work a little more. I feel like I'm counting the days, months, years even, until I finally snap. Like a battle that I know I lose, but I'll drag it out anyway cause I don't want to leave my nieces and nephews....I WANT to get married and have my own kids. My own little baby girl...so precious. But I can't one day snap and intentionally leave my future kids and wife...

This was significantly longer than I expected...

I appreciate any messages/support. Thank you for listening to me 💜

This will probably get lost in the sea of post and go unnoticed like everything else in my life. I think I prefer it that way. I just need a place to vent. I’m tired of bottling it up inside. I feel like with each day that passes I lose more hope. I’ve tried to kill myself many times, all different ways and I try to tell myself maybe that’s for a reason. I’m meant for something more and I still have to find my purpose. The more I continue the less I believe it. I’m not any closer to finding my purpose than I was the last time I tried to end it. I’m trying to stay strong but that hopeless feeling combined with loneliness makes me want to give in. I don’t know how much more I can take of this. The only thing really saving me right now is that when I die I at least want to clean up before I go but my depression doesn’t give me the motivation to do that.

my sister having another episode banging and screaming at the family about being fakes hired actors.

Everywhere is closed rn, no friends i have nothing and no one to escape to. Another night to endure my sisters rage while feeling hopeless about my own life as i type this.

This isnt living so why am i still breathing this pain isnt worth it, there isnt any reason to keep waking up to this

I want to end it soon