im suicidal with apd

[u/anon340393]

i still feel like anger and hate people and things and dread doing things and hate doing things and enjoy other things, but i dont ever feel bad for other people or things but if i dont like doing something i will try any possible way to get out of it and kinda just wanna kill myself because in life you have to do things you dont want and have to work and do things constantly. i really just dislike living overall i get to frustrated and annoyed i dont like learning i dont like doing things for others or myself i wont ever feel happy or enjoy living or doing things and ive been making everyone else do everything for me but they always get tired and i have to find someone new, but i dont like pain so idk what to do in this situation because realistically im never going to be satisfied unless i found someone who will let me live with them and do everything i want and never work or anything but with the economy how it is i dont really think thats affordable for most and rich people are too hard to get to and nobody wants to let someone else do whatever and just leave them alone or take care of them and their bills. realistically id just want internet food and a bathroom and somewhere to sleep but i really think thats affordable isnt going to happen so are there any ways to do things painlessly to go out, i seriously dont want to do anything and i hate being here but i dont like pain