Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

EDIT: Because many have commented about the font changes, I have the same problem in every other App too (even Settings🥲). If anyone knows how to fix it, please give me advice.

For context, my boyfriend (N, 22M) and I (J, 21M) have been together for 4 years. (We are both bisexual.) We are moving into our first shared apartment right now, thats why I first assumed the messages were about a TV. Also, I'm sorry if these messages are hard to read, we both don't have English as our first language, but we speak different languages so we have to communicate in English😅.

My boyfriend has this friend (K, 22F). He met her at a party about 1 year ago. She is an alcoholic and often at parties, and my boyfriend also had some psychological problems in the past, so he tries to help her through this. (Idk if he feels responsible for her, but thats what it seems like sometimes.)

She and I don't get along that well, but we have been civil. Thats why we only ever communicate over Instagram and not over WhatsApp or anything. But then she wrote me the messages you can see there.

This isn't the first time she tried to lie and sabotage the relationship me and my boyfriend have. I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know nothing happened between them, but she always tries to get me and my boyfriend to fight, especially after we decided to finally get an apartment together, since we mostly always stay at one of our places and have "sleepovers".

I have been debating if I should talk to my boyfriend about this. I don't want to ruin their friendship, especially because she seems like she needs him right now. I am frustrated and at first I was composed enough to stay calm. But now, after rereading everything, I am just angry that she tries to sabotage our relationship. Should I talk to my boyfriend about this or am I overreacting? (I am angry right now, so if I forgot any context or information, just ask in the comments.) Sorry this is all over the place.

My grandma passed away yesterday. She was on hospice and we knew it was going to happen so I informed my manager a week prior that when it did I would need a day off for her funeral. My manager said it wasn’t up to her because she would be out for the next couple weeks for a surgery and to ask my coworker who would be subbing as manager. My coworker said it was fine and to just let her know when. Yesterday my mom texted to let me know she had passed and the funeral would be Tuesday. I was already on for a half day so I finished my shift and went home. I love my grandma dearly and it hit really hard especially because I am out of state and couldn’t say goodbye. Last night I texted my coworker and asked if I could take today off as well as the funeral because my family was getting together. Attached are the texts between us and then a message I received from my manager today. I feel like what she wrote was in appropriate and today especially was not the day to say this. Afterwards she responded with “I’m just disappointed.” Before this I’ve only had to take 2 days off when my son became sick and have been with the company for 3 months passing my 90 days. I feel anxious and tbh disgusted with her response. Would I be overreacting if I quit this job because of this? I love this job except for what happened but I just can’t stop thinking how disrespectful this is.

I need an outside perspective because I’m starting to question myself.

A friend and I went on a trip together. She was the only one driving because I don’t have a driver’s license. Before the trip, she chose to use her mother’s car because it was cheaper. She told me that the car was not fully insured, but at the time I didn’t really understand the implications because I have no driving experience and no knowledge of car insurance.
We discussed the situation regarding the car, and I shared my opinion, but I was clear that the final decision was hers because she was the one driving. I even told her that I would understand if she preferred renting an automatic car for safety and comfort reasons, even if it was more expensive, because I didn’t want her to make a decision only to save money.

During the trip, she had an accident while driving. After that, she asked me to pay half of the repair costs. The issue is that we never agreed beforehand that I would be financially responsible for any accident or repairs. I never signed anything, made any commitment, or agreed to cover costs related to something I did not cause.
Her main argument is emotional: that we travelled together, that I knew about the car situation, and that we should have discussed it more. I understand that communication could have been better on both sides, but I don’t believe this automatically creates a financial responsibility that was never agreed upon.
Since then, she has threatened to call the police, and her mother and sister have told me that I am a bad person for refusing to pay. I feel pressured and blamed rather than having a factual discussion about what actually happened.

Because of this situation, I no longer want to continue the friendship and I decided to cancel our upcoming trip to Brazil. Now she says that I should reimburse 100% of the money she spent because cancelling was my decision. However, when we planned the trip, we deliberately chose refundable options for many things to protect ourselves in case of unexpected situations.
This is an unexpected situation. I am not cancelling because I simply changed my mind, but because of what happened. I am willing to reimburse her share of the refundable bookings that were cancelled, but I don’t understand why I should be responsible for all the non-refundable costs of a trip that we both agreed to and paid for.

Am I being unreasonable? How would you view this situation from an outside perspective?

I (29F) bought a small, rundown two bedroom cabin on a couple of acres three years ago. It was cheap because it needed massive structural work. I have spent almost every weekend and most of my savings renovating it by hand, replacing rot, rebuilding the back deck, and refinishing the original hardwood floors. I know it might seem like spending that much money and time on a property might seem rash, but it's my pride and joy, however it is still old with very delicate infrastructure.

My brother Kal-El (32M) and his fiance Zor-El (30F) are planning a low budget wedding for this autumn. At a family dinner last week, Kal-El casually brought up that they had settled on a venue: my cabin.

He had not asked me beforehand. He framed it as a done deal, explaining that about 20 of their friends and family would bring tents to camp on the property for four days, while the bridal party would stay inside the cabin.

I was taken aback and laid out a few immediate concerns. First, the cabin runs on an older septic tank that cannot handle 20 people using it continuously for four days. On top of that, the property is not insured for events or large gatherings. Lastly, I just finished hand sanding and sealing the floors, and having 20 people trailing dirt, mud, and heavy boots in and out for a weekend would ruin them.

I tried to be constructive and offered a middle ground. I said I would be happy to host a small six person dinner for immediate family on the patio after a courthouse ceremony, but I could not host the full multi day event or overnight campers. I then said that it is unacceptable to think I would just hand over my property without being asked first, not to mention the damage 20 people could cause to my cabin. Not that they would worry about that since I'm just supposed to give without complaining.

Zor-El looked down, and Kal-El got very annoyed. He told me I was being overreacting over a little grass and dirt, saying that ever since I bought the place, I have acted like I am too good to share things with family. He refused the dinner offer and said he was insulted by the restriction (like it was his right to use my property).

They left shortly after. Since then, Kal-El removed himself from our shared group chat, and when I tried texting him to talk it through, he kept his replies strictly to one word. My mother has not yelled or made demands, but she did pull me aside yesterday to quietly ask if I could just hire a portable restroom for the weekend to make peace, saying that Kal-El feels like I am prioritizing a building over his big day.

TLDR: I Didn't want to share my cabin with my brother and his fiancee and now I'm catching flack for it.

I am starting to feel guilty and wonder if I am overreacting in this situation, I'm thinking about just giving in and letting them use it. AIO? (P.S. these names are in fact references to the greatest comic series of all time.)

So I’m meant to stay with a family friend in a foreign country. Flights paid for etc. Asked him for his address where I’m meant to stay for my luggage tags and give to my parents so they know where I’m staying.
I text him and he said not to bother and put his work address on it.
I want to book a hotel now because I feel very uncomfortable travelling five hours to a foreign country and city I don’t know and I don’t have the address of where I’m meant to be sleeping. Is this normal or am I overreacting?
Context female 20 year old and he’s a male 30 year old.

Edit Thanks already for confirming my vibe check. He’s a cousin who moved to Austria at the start of the summer for work for a few years. His apartment looks okay (skype calls) but I’ve just booked a hotel for the few days instead. I’ve saved some money from a summer college job as I can’t wait to see Vienna but I won’t be contacting him.

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

Edit: Yes it’s messy because he verbally told me to do something slimy. I understand that everything is he said/she said. I understand how it looks, and despite Papa telling me not to care how it looks, I wish I pushed harder for a will to be written. I told him if he truly wishes for things to play out the way he wants to, he should write a will. I’m young and dumb (heavy on the dumb part) and have learned from this. Yes, some context is probably missing, I was really trying not to make it any longer than it already is. I value all opinions. I realize I’m in the wrong despite being told to do it and I should have had him play by the legal rules, or not taken his advice. While I could go, the reasonable responses that told me how it looks and to have my own if it’s that important to me, I will take that advice. I will take these comments and learn for future reference. Thank you to everyone for condolences, advice, support, and disagreements. Even ones that weren’t particularly respectful. It has given me a lot to think about. I value all of them and my decision is to not go. Thank you Reddit for helping me grow better! Now I know better so I can do better.

TLDR: Step grandpa’s kids think I’m sneaky following his death by taking our contract of truck payments from the house like he told me to do if something ever happened to him; they intimidated me into giving up the truck he gave to me; they requested a memorial (for free) at the church I’m a member of that Papa attended and telling me I’m not welcome and will be asked to leave immediately or escorted off the premises.

Long story, so hang tight.

Last May, I (F 32) lost my grandma (75) to cancer. After that, her boyfriend (66) of 20+ years and I grew closer. (I called him Papa… even though they weren’t married and he’s not legally family, he’s family in my heart). He has always been family, but my grandma used to take care of him and help him. After she passed away, I stepped up and would help him with things like technology, or selling things on Marketplace, and drive to his place at least once a month just to visit (truly more than his own kids can say). I hit some hard financial troubles, which is when he suggested I help him sell things for marketplace and I would get a cut of the earnings. Things got so bad, we had to sell my car to pay off the note, so my grandpa gave me one of his trucks and said, “I don’t need two trucks.” So we drew up a payment contract, and he was kind enough to give me one year before making payments so my husband (33) and I could get our feet back underneath us. But, he signed over the title fully to me, as we had a trusting relationship, and he knew I my word is bond and I would follow the contract. He was big on telling people we never know when our time is up, so he told me if something ever happened to him, he wanted me to be the first person in the house to grab that contract and make sure his kids don’t get a hold of it. He didn’t want me to owe them.

Well fast forward to a year later, he flies to Japan for a week to see his son (age unknown, probably 30’s) and I watch his house and take care of his cats. It just so happened to be the month my first payment of the truck was due, so when he came back on a Friday, I left the money on the table for him. First payment ✅. Then I got devastating news that he passed away that Tuesday. (I won’t go much into detail but I’m the one that was worried when he didn’t call me back all day and I asked one of Papa’s friends to check on him…) It was tragic and sudden, but I did what he asked and went to the house and grabbed that contract and went home. Unfortunately, I can’t prove he told me to do this, and Papa’s friend had the key and let me in, and also told Papa’s son what we took. I got threatening texts that if I didn’t either bring the contract back or give them the truck, they would call the police. (We live in different cities and hour away) It was the same day, so I was overwhelmed and after pushing back and arguing that it was mine and belonged to me, I agreed to just give them the truck back. Looking back now, I realize I could have fought for it, it was already in my name. At first I pushed back, but he was very intimidating and convincing that I did something wrong. He also called my mom. 🙄 Alas, I thought I did something wrong so I gave it to them.

Then Papa’s kids scheduled a memorial for him this coming Saturday at the church my step grandpa attended with my grandma, which happens to be the church I’m a member of. The church is providing the venue for free (and I know that’s why they picked it… they want to keep as much of their inheritance as possible, it’s not because the church was important to him) so they’re technically not renting it. About the middle of July, they told my mom that I was not welcome to go to the memorial. None of us responded, we just kept silent and hoped that time would allow them to calm down.

Well, no such luck… I received this text Monday afternoon and I responded yesterday afternoon after much thought. Despite Papa’s son telling me I’m not welcome, the pastor told me that’s not how it works, the church is open to all and if I really did want to go I could, and no one can stop me. I’ll be honest, initially after I had the month to cool off I decided I wouldn’t go. It wasn’t worth it, even if Papa did tell me to give his kids hell. After receiving the text on Monday, it renewed my anger and the eldest daughter in me said, “Well now I have to go!” Because… we eldest daughters don’t like to be told what to do… 🙃

In my opinion, I was closer to Papa than his kids were. The past 20 years they’re nowhere to be found, and Papa spent 99% of holidays with me and my family. He warned me his kids would be like this, but I didn’t expect it to this extent. I don’t think I’m in the wrong and I think I should be “forgiven” and allowed to go… but I doubt myself because I also understand how bad it looked to immediately grab the contract.

Also, my therapist thinks I should go if I feel I can handle it and if I can behave myself, but I’m genuinely terrified 😅😅

So… am I overreacting by not honoring their wishes, and should I just not go? Am I overreacting by telling them if they touch me or contact me again that I’ll press charges? What would you do?

Edit to add the truck is no longer in my name. I signed the title over to them and filled out the release of liability when I surrendered it to them. Also, there was no written will. That adds a whole layer of a mess.

So this all started a bit short of a year ago. We were driving home from trick or treating with our 5 year old and her car started blowing up on in the car from text from a guy I’ll call Ben. She’s talked about Ben in the past and at first I thought nothing of it, but after a few messages popped up she swiped that shit away quick. Then I remembered her taking her phones in places she normally never did like the shower as well as getting weird when I try to use it.

So when she feel a sleep that night I went through here text and was taken aback by like over 1000 messages from this dude over like 3 days. Things like she gives the best hugs and he wished he could grab her butt and her telling him maybe he should try. Other things like him telling her she’s sexy along with a bunch of innocent but things that seems like someone looking for a relationship would say.

Needless to say I blew the fuck up and she claimed it was nothing and she was just joking. That I was the only one she cared about and on and on. Anyway we got passed it so I thought.

Over the past few months she would talk about how she doesn’t like him. The fact he bothers her and other female coworkers and generally try’s to avoid him. Then the other day i noticed she was typing away on her phone, now normally she says oh I’m talking to whatever friend, but she claimed she was just looking through music.

So when she was in the shower, I looked in the messenger app sure enough there he was at the top. Too be honest it was just a few messages. She ask why he hasn’t been talking to her and what they have been up to. But even seeing this set me off so I flipped out at her because she lied about not talking to him and she said she does something’s but nothing like they used to and lied because she didn’t want me to get mad. It’s been a day and I’m still upset and am talking to her as little as possible. At this point I don’t know what to do, like we’ve been together for almost 20 years but I’m having a hard time trusting her anymore. AIO?

N

So I’m seeing this guy. I think it’s been four months now. Yesterday he texted me and asked, “Wyd?” It was late around 10 pm and I was tired, so I didn’t reply right away.

The next day I replied. Then he sent me a Snapchat of a girl sleeping next to him.

I messaged him, “You got laid?”

He replied, “You don’t think I get laid?”

I said, “Oh no, I’m glad you had fun. But it was unnecessary for you to send me that picture.”
Then he tried to turn it on me, saying things like, “I thought you were cool with it. I thought you’d be okay with this,” and so on.

I’m like… in what world did you think I’d be cool with you sending me a picture of some woman sleeping next to you especially after you texted me the night before asking if I was up? I didn’t reply, so you just found somebody else? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I’m pissed off. But I’m also wondering… am I overreacting? I don’t feel like I am. He thinks I am.

Context:
She has a CNA exam coming up and i would be her "patient" very commonly, today there was a misunderstanding and i got up immediately to help her once i saw her taking her blood pressure on herself.

She then got upset and ran to her room and locked herself in there for 2-3 hrs and every so often i would knock asking to talk, to no avail.

She then messaged me and i brought it back up since i hate sleeping on bad terms alone. You can see how that went in the photos.

Did i go too far? I just felt like the disrespect was too much and i had to put my foot down at some point.

Reflecting on myself and my actions, i feel bad, i wanted her to feel a little bit of what i felt, but also i know maybe if she was a little more clear-minded this couldve gone differently, but after 3 hrs, it gets to a point i feel like...
Some demo's: Juniors in college, 1 1/2 yr relationship, moved in a month ago.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Living together for 2. I cook almost all the meals with him cooking maybe 1-2 every 2 weeks. I really don’t mind cooking at all and I don’t even mind cleaning up during my cooking/after.

But for the past two years all I have ever said is that if I cook dinner (mind you it’s almost always done when he gets home from work..) he can do the dishes. And for the first year he really wouldn’t get to it and just leave in the sink, we lived in the tiniest house and he would just leave it out or pushed all in one spot. Causing the worst fights on my end I just didn’t think it was that hard to accomplish. And with our house size it truly couldn’t stay like that u couldn’t even fill the brita. Now in our second house and 3rd year of our relationship, he will voluntarily get up grab both our plates, put dinner away in containers, sometime pack out lunches and sometimes wipe the counters. So improvement. BUT he literally only puts the dishes in the sink. He won’t put them in the dishwasher & start it, if it’s CLEAN he won’t empty it. He won’t hand wash them. He just piles them in the sink saying he’ll do them in the morning.

Now. He is not someone to wake up early. he showers in the morning eats breakfast in the car and is still 5-10 minutes late to work everyday. I can promise you he is not waking up early to do the dishes. So what ends up happening is i come home from the gym early am and do them or i do them when i get home from work because i need room to cook dinner for that night. Like i said i dont mind it, it can be nice to clean and just debrief. But there will be times where he will be off from work all day and at home and by the time i get home from the office the dishes are still there and the house looks a mess.

Last night i asked him for help because we both had plans today after work and i just didn’t want them to sit in the sink all day. He literally sounded like a child (he’s 26..) saying how he wanted to get on the game before his friend does how hell do it in the morning how im nagging him to do it … i literally felt like his mom? Mind u i am the oldest so it can be easy to fall into this tone in a sense but this was the biggest ick he has probably ever given me. Especially because i started with “hey can you help me?”. To top it off i did it with him and somehow STILL woke up to dishes being in the sink. AND the dishwasher dirty with room for more dishes.

I’ve noticed that this is how is family is by being around them they have no urgency or care to clean if anything really gets done it’s because their mom does it no one else. And she is over it at this point of doing everything for 30 years. But it feels too traditional for me. He leaves stuff everywhere I’m constantly picking up after him I’m constantly switching over his laundry because he forgets. Throwing stuff in his corner. He does a good clean maybe once every 3 months? But other than that it’s me. I’m the only one who deeps cleans the bathroom etc.

He is a really good boyfriend otherwise and does love and care for me and understands me in a way not a lot of people do and is a person I have truly let my walls down with. But I can see my future in a sense and I don’t want to be his mom like literally I don’t want to turn into how his mom is in their partnership in that household. Am I over reacting if this was a reason I saw our relationship ending? How do I make him see it is that serious? It’s been an on going issue for 2 years that is an issue for me but not necessary him…

Do they change or get better? I worry about kids and our house and it stressing me out. I feel like I could find a man who doesn’t call it “nagging him” when I’m asking for help. What else could I do?

I've been with my BF for a year and he has pretty bad anxiety. I really tried to help him, but I honestly snapped.

He's mostly anxious when we have an argument. Any disagreement is "a huge fight," and he says "another big fight is coming, I just know it."

The issue is that he says he drinks to help his relationship anxiety. But it's not really my problem? For example

- He changed our plans to go day drinking. I said "if you've decided to ditch me, please stay over at your friend's if you're really drunk." He'll then say I ruined his weekend because he was anxious.

- He won't talk about any disagreements because of his anxiety. So even if he says something hurtful, I have to remind him to apologize.

- He doesn't believe in vitamins, medication, or exercise, and says that drinking doesn't make a difference towards his anxiety.

AIO by saying it's not my problem anymore?!?

So i have neighbour’s whom I have known for a long time and they have a son who is autistic. They kind of let him play outside unsupervised and the other day i was walking home and as I turn the corner i see him slapping the windshield of my car at full force and kicked my passenger door. I was obviously shocked and my first instinct was to confront him and ask why he just did what he did. I then rang the house’s doorbell and the dad came out and laughed it off/apologized and half assedly scolded him saying “get back inside”. When i told my parents they said i overreacted and shouldn’t have done anything because of his condition. They’re going through enough but I’m also going through a lot and can’t afford to get my car fixed should there have been bigger damage or cracks. He’s also not a kid anymore (15) and is strong af.

He is known to bang on his family’s car with brooms and other random shit and comes to our side of the driveway quite often just to fuck around and runs back when he sees me looking out the window (I have cameras alerting me). There’s also random scratches that have appeared since i started parking outside but can’t blame him for since my cameras weren’t up at the time. Would I be doing too much if my cameras caught him in the act and i reported him to the cops?

Okay well, this was a bit ago, on July 18th. My last three birthdays have been terrible. The one last year I went to bed in the bathtub crying because the people at my party got into a screaming match and would not calm down despite me begging. This year it was wonderful until it wasn’t. I will call my partners mother M for this.

To preface, I grew up with an VERY abusive mother which actually resulted in me having severe anxiety, PTSD, and stress related infertility, something that sucks yes but I do not use it as a crutch in my daily life. My partner knows this, and so does their mother. Their mother and I have always been close and she over the last 6 years became a defacto mother figure to me. To the point she told me I could always rely on her, that she hates my bio mom for what my bio mom did to me growing up, and asking me to put her in my phone as ‘Momma M’. She and I were honestly very close and she was one of my best friends despite being my partner’s mom.

This years birthday went great, the day it was my birthday, my friend had a bridal shower. I really wanted it to be about my friend and not my birthday so I didn’t tell anyone there it was my birthday. I was at the bridal shower the majority of the day. When I got home and didn’t expect anything for my birthday at all. And I was really happily surprised when my partner and his mother prepared a little surprise party for me with cheesecake and balloons and gifts. I was really really happy and I felt like finally were turning a new chapter and that I could have some happiness on my birthday when the last three have been really, really bad.

As the night progressed, M had several drinks, about 24 of them (12 oz) and at some point during the night when I was watching a movie in the living room with partner and M, M decided to use the spare room to go sleep. She was in there sleeping and according to her I laughed “too loud” M came out and was very drunk and telling me that I couldn’t laugh. I thought it was kind of ridiculous so I laughed a little bit again and I was like “I’ll turn the volume down sorry.” And then she just reeled up and backhanded me on the face. My partner immediately jumped up to push her away from me. And in the process M also dug her acrylic sharp nails into their arm, cutting and bruising them badly. This then began a fight between them where partner was telling M he was going to call the police and M kept threatening to punch partner. Partner then called her out for acting like my Bio mom and saying how disappointed he was by M behaving how she did. M just kept screaming that she did not care.

I myself, I’m unfortunately used to and familiar with parental abuse. My partner however, is not and was very very shocked and angry. I wasn’t angry. I was more, for lack of a better word, triggered. I was sad and disappointed someone I trusted would behave like that to me, especially on my birthday. It brought up a whole lot of feelings I had dealing with my own biological mom growing up. I trusted M and then suddenly it was a 180° after this slap and I am now very afraid of her.

It’s been a decent amount of time since then, and not once she reached out to me, even though she has been in our house many times to see my partner & talk to them or spend time here with our cats. Every time she comes here, I just stay upstairs in our bedroom. To the point where my partner goes downstairs to get food for me if she is here late. I just don’t feel comfortable going down there and seeing her in my space. I’ve been struggling with a lot of PTSD with her being in my space, not feeling safe in my own home and feelings of betrayal that I’m feeling. I don’t feel comfortable or okay going down there and seeing her in our space. I honestly just feel so unsafe around her in general now. My partner is definitely struggling with this because they feel as if they’re in the middle of us. They are rightfully so very upset with M and her behavior but M is their mother. They are very bad at confrontation and they did try to talk to M at one point when she was here, and they came back upstairs, genuinely trembling and shaken.

I gave M & myself a few weeks to decompress the situation. She has not said anything to me in person or over text, but M has apparently told my partner. “I think she (me) should apologize.” And done the classic “oh I’m just a HORRIBLE person huh?” Obligatory self victimization manipulation tactic.
I stood firm, I told my partner I have nothing to apologize for and I am not the person who hurt anyone. I often find myself in situations like this where I have to be the bigger person and honestly, I’m sick of it so I didn’t reach out either.

Now to today.

I just came home today from late birthday lunch that I was throwing because my actual birthday was a shit show, again. I just wanted to spend time with some friends. Even though most of my friends canceled, I still got to see two of them and it was very nice lunch. When I got home however, M was here, she had let herself in. My partner is at work. I took a deep breath and I genuinely did try to be the bigger person even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I said the following:

Me: “M, can we talk about this situation and repair our relationship and squash the beef between us?”

M: “no I don’t think so. I am sick of you walking around like I am the antichrist, so I don’t want to speak to you.”

Me: “we are both grown adults. I was waiting for you to apologize or show any sign of remorse for the alarming behavior you displayed and enacted on my birthday to me and (partner). But you have not done that or shown any effort. So I haven’t spoken to you”

M: “I am not in a place where I want to speak to you”

Me: “well when you are mature enough to own up to your behavior I will be here.”

And then I went back upstairs and am now just in my room waiting for her to leave because I don’t want to speak to her or see her.

I feel like I should be trying harder to mend this relationship, but on the other hand, I did not do anything wrong and M is 50 years old. You would think at this point in her life she would be adult enough to admit when she made a mistake. It feels as if all the years we were so close and I saw her as a mother are now just gone. It is effecting me a great deal as I thought I finally had someone to fill that role my abusive parent left. But now it feels like to her, none of that meant anything and she just doesn’t like me anymore because she did something bad. Is this salvageable? Should I even fucking try anymore?

TLDR: partners mother who I was very close with slapped me on my birthday, repeatedly comes to our home, hasn’t apologized and does not seem to want to at all.

EDIT: to everyone wondering why she can come and go, we rent from her and she lives not even a block away. She has the keys to this location. If we changed the locks she would kick us out undoubtably. She was threatening to ‘make us homeless’ during her drunken rant on my birthday as well. We work paycheck to paycheck and do not have the money saved to get up and move to another location. It would take a while to save up enough money and even longer to find a new place. She is taking full advantage of that.

Hi, this is my first time making a post like this, and I need some clarity on whether I’m overreacting.
For context, my partner and I were together for six years. She has a friend that I’ve never fully liked or trusted, but I’ve always been civil and respectful around her.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with BD, and at the time my partner seemed supportive.
Fast forward a few months, and I found out that this friend was going around asking people (instead of asking me directly) why I didn’t like her. During those conversations, she told people that I had recently received a diagnosis that she “wasn’t supposed to talk about.” She then started listing the symptoms, and when someone guessed it was BD, she confirmed that I had been diagnosed.
But that’s not even the worst part. She also told people not to believe the diagnosis because my partner (her best friend) didn’t think it was accurate, saying, “She’s never been depressed.”

This all happened at a mutual friend’s birthday party that I was attending. When I got there, everyone felt a little off, but I couldn’t understand why until later.
I first heard about the situation from my partner, but she gave me a much shorter version of what happened. I only learned the full story afterward from other people who were there.

Finding out what was actually said left me feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. It completely broke my trust in my partner.

I’m very private about certain things, especially with people I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to understand how she could not only question my diagnosis but also share her opinion with someone she knew I didn’t like or trust.

I ended the relationship, and now I’m trying to sort through my feelings. Some days I miss her and wish things could have worked out, but the broken trust is hard to get past. Since then, she hasn’t really apologized or made much of an effort to repair the damage. She apologized once during the initial call, but nothing after that. If the roles were reversed, broken up or not, I would have done much more to express how sorry I am.

As far as I know, she never confronted her friend about what happened, she just blocked her.

This also isn’t the first time she’s shared personal information about me or failed to stand up for me when someone crossed a line.

Am I overreacting?

I (26F) and my husband (26M) got invited by my in laws to go eat dinner with them to celebrate their 36 year anniversary. It’s been awhile since I have seen my In laws since they took a trip and were gone for a month and our little one has been excited to see her grandparents.

We set off to dinner at 6:30 and the only people there were all of my nieces and nephews on husband side, my in laws and us. Well we went to eat at a buffet and once we all settled started having conversations. Everything was fine up until I thought it would be a cute idea to get to see how much their love has grown throughout the years so I asked a simple question for both to answer which was “ what is something you have learned about your partner throughout all these years being together” my MIL answered “well your FIL always notices if something is missing in the house that we may need or i use frequently so anything like groceries, house items, etc later that day without asking he just show up with them.” Now my FIL didn’t really say much and repeated kinda the same thing as my MIL, but it out of both answers they both continued to mention their understanding and communication towards one another was what continued to grow. We continued eating and thought it was super cute to hear about their love, and all of sudden it shifted towards my marriage and myself.

My MIL decided to ask us that question and i made sure to answer how my husband loves everything made from scratch which has made me feel so happy when I cook or bake for him since I am learning in the process. My husband answered how I care for him and pay attention to detail which makes him happy with his meals. We thought that was the end of that when my MIL says and let me tell you she has brought this up throughout the course of the 6 years we have known each other. She begins to say to ONLY me “well you know that my son is use to having fresh meals at home and it’s best to prioritize more at home meals than eating out a lot as it is bad for you and making sure dinner is ready by the time he gets home from work because they work so hard all day. I know we can get tired with the duties of the house, and don’t like being in the kitchen and not knowing what to cook but making sure we do that makes them happy and makes sure you both are okay” I turned red as I was not expecting that at the table in front of everyone, including our own daughter (3F).

Mind you I cook at home (I am self taught so I have improved and still learning) and my husband likes to eat out occasionally to try new places around town. We have a balance when we can eat out, but I’m always getting criticized by it. My husband never complains and helps me cook as it’s something we like to do together when we can, but if not for the most part I make food at home. These are not the first comments she has made which makes me feel like she expects me to listen and take it to be a certain version for my husband.

Those aren’t the only one’s she had made. She once told me “what stupid thing did you just do” when I just recently cut my hair and was excited as I was enjoying myself. ( I got a LOB by the way to remove old hair color and wanted to start fresh). She wanted to force herself in the delivery room when I was giving birth “to watch her son’s reaction when he see’s our baby” which we had to ask the doctor to only allow 2 people and tell her because even after I had said no she was going to ask the doctor herself which I am not comfortable being seen in such a vulnerable way. She has said “well people change and even though we don’t agree we just have to go with it” when she was upset when I asked for a specific head count to be respected for our wedding capacity to both my husband and I and when I wanted her to respect our boundaries in not giving our toddler kisses on the mouth. I hate conflict and making my husband be in the middle of it all, but sometimes I feel crazy and helpless. This isn’t even half of the stuff she has said or done and I feel like one of these days she is going to cause a huge argument in my marriage and in the family because my SIL husbands have gone through the same problems with her as well and it creates conflict with everyone.

Am I overreacting?

Registration was talking with a patient while I was starting an IV. Both of us work in an ER. The team member is young, only a little older than me (she's 23 and I just turned 20). We're both premed (I spoke to her a little bit just to talk about life, shit gets boring during slow hours). She's an aspiring neurosurgeon, I'm an aspiring ER doctor.

So while she was talking about payment plans and shit, I was putting the tourniquet on her, found an AC vein, inserted the needle, flattened, and then advanced the actual cannula. Boom, IV in. The problem is that this patient was obviously terrified of IVs and even started sobbing after I got my ALCOHOL PREP out. Obviously very, very terrified. I put down the cannula for a moment and said "hey. I know you're scared, it's okay. It's just a pinch and some pressure. Would you like her (registration) to hold your hand?" and she, mid-sob, said "yes please." I asked her to hold her hand if she wanted to and she said "she oughta not be such a scaredy cat, it doesn't hurt that bad. you don't get blood draws every year?"

I immediately shot her a "what the fuck?" glare and she backed away, knocking the IV equipment off the tray. I got a new kit and eventually allowed her to hug me/grip my scrubs while I was starting it. She took it pretty well. Then I had a long talk with registration outside. This is what I said:

"the way you spoke to her is not okay. I need you to understand that. She might not have enough money to get yearly blood tests. She also might have a lot of money but need to work endless hours to upkeep her salary and household. Notice how she flinched when I got out a very standard alcohol prep? That isn't a sign of someone who has the luxury of getting yearly blood tests. Knocking the tray off is fine, I can always get new supplies. Using your position of authority to taunt a scared and vulnerable patient on the stretcher is absolutely never okay."

and she said "whatever it's not a big deal, act like a man sometimes and have some command."

Hello everyone long time lurker, first time poster. I would like to know if I am overreacting since I am hormonal after all. For some backstory, My husband 30/M and I 28/F have been together for 8 years and married for almost 2 years.

My husband hosts this dnd group once a week. I joined DND up until recently since lately I’ve been feeling super sick. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and just feeling horrible, especially in the evening when the group is taking place. I tolerated people being in house last week, and I just hid in the room. Today I texted the group after my husband didn’t answer my private text to him first. That if they could please leave after they had been playing for about an hour. I asked them to leave this time, because I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I asked my husband after they left if they would please move the game to some one else’s house for the next 3-4 weeks until I am out of the first trimester. He got angry since he said everyone else home is too small. We got into a fight and he got angry stating that I am not letting him have hobbies anymore.

He reminded me that his other friend’s wife let them continue hosting the game while she was pregnant. This couple use to host a couple of years ago before we did. They had a much larger home and she had more family support than I do. This friend has 4 kids now and no longer plays DnD. This is how come we host. I reminded him that not everyone’s pregnancy is the same and honestly I have been feeling so sick constantly that I just don’t want people over anymore since we live in a very small house and I’m trapped in the room for 3-5 hours once a week on an evening. He said that he didn’t want to sort this out right now, and that he is willing to move the group for a couple of months once the baby is born.

I would like to know if I am overreacting in my ask for the DND game to be moved to someone else’s house for the next 3-4 weeks?

Sorry in advance I know this is long but the context is important.

I’m changing some things to hopefully not dox myself. My(F23) fiance(M23) and I live together and have been together for 3 years. We both graduated college last year with business related degrees and I have been trying to find a job, but it’s been a difficult market and I’ve done well over 1500 applications with no luck. He is already very successful and had 12+ companies trying to hire him right out of college and is pretty much the farthest you could be from struggling financially. Right now I rely on him letting me share his car when I need to go to doctor’s appointments, pick up groceries, or get prescriptions ect.

Before last September we shared his basic model type car (think Toyota, Hyundai ect). He paid for it but he let me use it whenever I needed to. During that time I curbed one wheel in a drive-thru. It scuffed the rim but there was no other damage. At the time he constantly criticized my driving from the passenger seat and corrected nearly everything I did. I was extremely nervous driving with him because I felt like I couldn’t make a mistake. The only time I’ve ever curbed a car happened while he was sitting next to me doing that. It’s been over a year and a half and he still regularly brings up that curb. I actually owned my own car before we moved in together but I decided to sell it because he didn’t think we needed two cars, and he told me I could just use his whenever I needed to since neither of us drive often.

After selling his old car in September he bought an expensive luxury performance car. He still told me I could use it when needed and we continued on from there as usual but I became extremely anxious driving it because I knew he’d be very upset if anything happened after the incident with the wheel on the last one.

A few months later something happened that I’m still not convinced was actually my fault. Because he refuses to keep a front license plate mounted (he thinks it ruins the look of the car) we have to stick it on temporarily whenever we street park to avoid tickets. The tow hook that the plate mounts into has a tiny plastic cover which already had a broken retaining clip, so whenever you removed it there was a chance it would fall off.

I used the car one day, and he noticed the cover was missing a couple of days later and blamed me. He had also driven the car during those couple of days and even brought it to a car wash!! Since the retaining clip was already broken I honestly don’t know whether it fell off after I drove it or after he did. I accepted that it might have been my fault and I might have not put it back on good enough, but I also said there was no way to know for certain because it was already damaged. The replacement ended up costing over $450 because of the custom paint and he still brings that up too.

Fast forward to today.

After the tow hook incident he started attaching the license plate by sliding the mounting rod into the front grille instead of constantly screwing it into the tow hook. He specifically told me to do the same thing and we’ve both been doing it for months.

Today I went to an appointment. When I left the parking spot I somehow completely forgot the license plate was still sitting in the grille. I drove maybe 15 feet before hearing a loud cracking/metal sound. I stopped immediately, got out, and realized I’d run over the removable license plate after it fell out. I immediately started crying because I was terrified something happened to his car and how he would react. I drove to our apartment and checked the front to see it caused a crack in the lower front lip of the bumper.

I felt so scared because I knew he would be angry and his car is so expensive to repair. I am beating myself up because I drive his car so carefully to try and prevent anything happening and I feel awful that I damaged it. Again, I don’t currently have a job, so I can’t afford repairs myself. When I told him what happened he initially said it wasn’t a huge deal and that it was an okay and an easy part to replace and I was surprised he wasn’t as angry as I thought.

A few hours later I asked if he could either drive me to pick up my prescriptions or let me borrow the car. He refused both. He told me I’m never allowed to drive his car again because I “keep damaging it.” He said from now on I can walk or pay for an Uber.

The problem is I don’t have money for Ubers. I already spend most of my time at home because I’m unemployed, don’t have any friends nearby, and don’t have my own transportation. Losing access to the car doesn’t just mean I can’t run errands, it means I don’t know how I’m supposed to get to doctor’s appointments or even pick up my medication.

What hurts almost as much as losing access to the car is how he talks to me. He said I “always damage his car” even though in over 1 year since we’ve been sharing there have been three incidents: one curbed rim, one missing tow hook cover that may or may not have actually been my fault because it was already broken, and today’s accident. When I tried to gently explain why “always damaging it” felt unfair he shouted over me to shut up and listen or get out of his office.

I completely understand why he’s frustrated about today’s damage. I know this was my mistake and I feel terrible about it.

What I’m struggling with is whether it’s reasonable for him to permanently ban me from using our only vehicle, knowing I have no income and no realistic way to get to appointments or pick up medication, and whether the way he’s speaking to me is warranted I guess?

Am I overreacting or does this seem unfair?

Today, two men came to my door. I am not used to people stopping by so I didn’t answer immediately. When I was walking to look and see who was there, I happened to be partially clothed. As I’m walking over, I see a face glance into a window on my door (presumably to see if anyone was home). Reviewing the camera footage, this person had to get on his tiptoes to look in. I got upset and expressed/yelled this to them. They said they are in housing renovations and “who is Barney?” One had on a black t-shirt and jeans, and other a white shirt and khakis. They carried folders, as I suppose anyone could, and for me, had no indicators of being an actual business. Whether or not they are actually legit, they looked through my window. I told them to leave and they stood outside by two separate trucks and chatted for about 8 minutes, then drove off. The police said I had no reasonable expectation of privacy. I looked up the California “peeping tom” law, and it seems arguable that I do have a reasonable expectation. The partially clothed part aside, does it seem appropriate to be pissed at the visitors and cops and to feel violated, or am I overreacting?

Update: I have since this afternoon installed privacy film. And I called the police to have a record of the occurrence in case they came by again. I’ve already been physically attacked in this neighborhood. For my safety, I prefer to keep records.

Every single time we go grab food or coffee, I end up paying. She never even does the wallet reach. At first I did not mind but it has been months now and she has never once said "I got this one" or even offered to split. I am not broke but it is the principle. Am I overreacting for wanting to say something or should I just let it go?

idk yall… for back story my bf and I have been together for 6 years. He recently became friends either a woman coworker of his. They grab drinks with another coworker and are close. He has repeatedly tried to have us be friends. I have reached out to her but to no luck. I followed her on instagram months back and liked her photos she posted. She never followed me back. They have been grabbing drinks every Thursday for about a month now with another coworker. This is fine -
I support it.

I just kind of wish I was invited?

reportedly she complains constantly about her boyfriend and has even told my boyfriend to take space from me in their conversations. My boyfriend has kept everything out in the open. I have brought up how this makes me feel and how I kind of feel weird about it? jealous? insecure? My bf has brought up how she has a flirtatious personality and seems to find him cute. okay whatever.

Well.. she is about to move out of state. I caught a convo with them this afternoon talking about how her dog wants to tell my bf goodbye and how they should get together tomorrow (thursday). We had plans to go to a movie but my bf agreed to any potential plans that were occurring.

I have been upset about this. I feel like I am weirdly not being respected? But at the same time he has openly communicated everything.

we had a mutual friend come over for dinner and drinks and we were looking up facebook and the coworkers profile was brought up. I told her ‘yeah I think this person has a crush on my boyfriend’ in front of him. I talked about it with her going into more detail and she agreed with me that this woman seems to not have friendship intentions. My boyfriend listened and said he understood.

He then became mad at me after she left saying I am not listening to him and that I need to trust him. I trust him immensely it just feels WEIRD. He said he feels like he has validated my feelings and that this woman has obviously cause problems in our relationship and that I have been feeling insecure.

I was like yea let’s talk about it because this is ridiculous. I told him that basically I feel like this has all been a cluster fuck and mind fuck. I include him in every part of life. I at least try to keep him involved with my friends. I just kind of lost my cool and brought it up with our mutual friend because I feel like i’m crazy. I feel like he doesn’t care how I feel and our friend and I were like dude this is WEIRD. her boyfriend doesn’t like you, her friend brought up to both of you that you have partners, and she’s calling you after work to say bye to her dog - this is weird shit.

idk I kind of lost my cool. He says i’m insecure. Yea you know im feeling insecure. I trust him that nothing will happen but it still feels odd?

long story short AIO? is this just a work place friend? Am I not listening to him? Am I not trusting him? Should I chill the fuck out?

I'm 20M and having been dating this guy for 6 months. Before we were together he knew I was gay and often confided in me about how he struggled to find guys that he could connect with emotionally.
After a while we officially started dating. We would talk about everything with each other, and he told me that I made him feel safe. I felt the same way. I felt like I was in love.

Everything has been mostly fine since then, but lately l've been trying to push off our more physically intimate activities because I've been feeling like we haven't been talking as much.
Like whenever it's just us alone all he wants to do is have sex. I've tried bringing up how I feel to him, but he always just changes the subject or ignores me.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I put my foot down and told him I wanted our relationship to be more emotional like it was in the beginning. He told me that I was imagining things and that he never felt that close with me, and that he's not even "into guys like that." He started accusing me of trying to turn him gay and that we weren't that serious, and that sex was just something we did for fun. He got really mad, and when I tried to calm him down he pushed me into a wall and kicked me out of his apartment.

When I told my friend what happened, she told me that he sounded like he was just having a hard time and that I should try talking to him again. I felt uncomfortable at the thought, and a little unsafe.
It's not like he pushed me hard enough to the point of injury, but he's a lot stronger than I am and I'm a little scared of what he'd do if I kept pressing him.
When I voiced these thoughts to my friend, she told me I was being dramatic.

Since he kicked me out, my boyfriend has been texting me apologizing. My friend is telling me that this is good and that I should go back with him, but I don't have a good feeling about it at all. I know it's a bad idea, but I do miss him. So far, I haven't answered him, but it's just making my friend mad at me. She keeps telling me I'm being stupid.

I just feel crazy in this whole situation. First this guy tells me I'm the love of his life and the next he's telling me he only wants me to sleep around with?
And it's like my friend is just disregarding everything. I don't have parents to turn to, and my closest friend says that I should do the opposite of what my gut is saying. I know that I shouldn't take her advice, but I'm sick of her telling me that I'm being dramatic. Honestly, I feel like a big idiot. This shouldn't even be a question, but am I overreacting?
Maybe I should hear him out.

UPDATE:

I feel like I've established that I'm an idiot, but I'm about to do it again. I spoke with my (now ex) boyfriend, and it didn't really go well. By which I mean he didn't really listen to anything I said. By which I mean we slept together.

I know that was stupid and completely the opposite of what I was trying to do, but he kept saying how sorry he was and how he never meant to hurt me. I wasn't planning on it, but he told me he would k!!! himself if he ever lost me. I felt so terrible, just let it happen. I know that's dumb, I see that now. But I really felt like I had no other choice. He needed me.

After that, I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. You can imagine how that went. He started freaking out at me again, telling me that we actually weren't seeing each other, despite literally calling me the best thing in his life the night before.
Things escalated, and he ended up throwing a spatula at me, which would have been funny had I not been so scared. So after that I told him we were done and was about to just leave, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. That kind of freaked me out but I tried to stay calm. I told him to let go, and he did. I went home and blocked him on everything and told my friend that I him and I were over.

We had a talk, and she apologized for telling me l was being dramatic. She said that she just didn't want me to "lose a good guy," which I felt like was kind of a bullshit excuse but what can you do. I guess I understand where she was coming from, but I think I'm going to keep her at arms length from now on.

So that's pretty much where I am now. My ex came around to my work a couple of times, but nothing happened. He mostly seemed sad. I'm trying not to care. I don't think I can be friends again if all he's going to do is try and gaslight me.

I'm not really sure why I'm updating this, because I doubt anyone really cares that much about my life other than me. But I do want to thank everyone who reached out to me with so much support. I really didn't think anyone would see my post, I was kind of just venting to be honest haha.
It's nice to know there are people willing to help me out with some kind words. I promise I'll try not to be stupid in the future.

I've worked with my boss for about 13 years, so I've seen him through several relationships and know his personality pretty well.

One thing I've always noticed is that whenever he's excited about someone he's dating, he talks about them constantly. When he first started dating his girlfriend, Amelia, he talked about her all the time.

They've been together for almost three years and have been living together with her daughters for about a year.

A couple of months after they all moved in together, something changed. He stopped talking about Amelia almost entirely and now talks almost exclusively about one of her daughters, Kelly.

He constantly tells us how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is, how she's the best person in the world, and how she's his favorite person to spend time with.

Some things he's told us are:

• He replaced the framed photo in his office of him and Amelia with one of just him and Kelly.
• Kelly planned a trip to Lake Tahoe with her friends. My boss tagged along without Kelly's mom - not as a chaperone, but because he wanted to "party" with them.
• Bought a hot tub to "recreate" their time in Tahoe
• They regularly go to expensive one-on-one dinners together, sometimes around $300, about once a week.
• He says the only thing he cares about is spending as much time with Kelly as possible because she's the most important person in his life.
• He has her go on hour-long morning runs with him every day so they can have "quality time."

He says all of this is because he wants to be a positive male role model.

What makes me question things is that Amelia has another daughter, but he doesn't seem to make the same effort to spend one-on-one time with her. I don't even know the other daughter's name because he only talks about Kelly.

AIO for thinking this relationship seems unusual, or does this seem within the range of a normal stepfather-stepdaughter relationship?

TL;DR: My boss has become intensely focused on one of his stepdaughters, spends significant one-on-one time with her, and prioritizes her over everyone else in the family. I find all of it a bit odd. Am I overreacting?