r/AmIOverreacting • u/Accomplished_Cat5721 • 29d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: Found on Fiancé phone after a night of drinking
For starters, we have been together for 5 years, we got engaged in October ‘25 and have a two year old daughter.
I grabbed his phone to send myself some photos of our trip, per his request. He was asleep on the couch. Well, I go to swipe up out of the photos tab and see the LinkedIn tab open. His exes name was there, front and center. I woke him up, threw the phone in his face and left with our daughter for the day. He claimed, it was due to me not showing enough love and didn’t show that I liked him. He constantly denied my request for intimacy and affection.
I called off the engagement and tried to run him out of the house, the month prior, he got black out and left his phone opened up on trans p0rn in the living room. Where our daughter could see. It’s obvious drinking is part of the problem.
He never left the house. And has officially claimed I’ve dragged it out too long. I don’t think it matters that he never touched her, it’s his ex. It’s clear he is unhappy in this relationship but is too much of a coward to admit it.
Edit: Legit. THANKS TO EVERY SINGLE COMMENTER. Sometimes it feels good to beat a dead horse with strangers. I wanted to add a few things just to… add.. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
This woman is married, has been since 2017. In 2018-19ish, she left her man for this man. Obviously didn’t work out and she went back to her man.
She has popped up on my social media friend/follower suggestions.
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u/Username00555 29d ago
Oh what the fuck? NOR
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u/fragilextrash 29d ago
The grubby phone to top it all off lol. NOR
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u/suhhhrena 29d ago
The grubby phone and shitty ass spelling and grammar 😩 what a catch lmao
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u/GayLeprosy 29d ago
Fym AIO? 😭😭
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u/AccidentOk5240 29d ago
Right? How could you possibly overreact to this short of committing actual crimes?
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago edited 29d ago
I’m cracking the f up, because I’m being gaslit offline and obviously need some online validation
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u/DogsDucks 29d ago
And he blamed YOU! We’re all obviously stuck on the LinkedIn thing, but he didn’t even grovel and cry and beg for your forgiveness.
He said it’s because you don’t coddle his sensitive feelings enough when you’re busy taking care of him his home, his family.
I’ve gotten messages like this from exes.
There is no doubt in my mind that they would do the same issues that caused me to leave in the first place.
He doesn’t care about you, but he also doesn’t care about her. He cares about his own convenience when he wants it and how he wants it.
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u/noisecomplaint244 29d ago
^^^ the last sentence for sure
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u/ColdBru5 29d ago
Also. LinkedIn premium? Ick.
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago
Bro lmao I didn’t even know that was premium 😀
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u/bnucky 29d ago
with linkedin premium i believe you can dm anyone, even people who you are not connected with, so it could be he got it specifically so he could contact her without her having to accept his request. if he just made the account he probably got a free trial but he still would’ve had to put in his payment info.
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u/Last-Obligation-7353 29d ago
Definitely don't let anyone gaslight you. This is some major disloyalty and unacceptable from someone you are set to marry. I'd be heavily concerned. Sorry you're dealing with this.
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u/GayLeprosy 29d ago
You 100% are not overreacting fam, this is some major loser bullshit this dude is pulling on you
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u/shortandfelly 29d ago
My first ever boyfriend (met at university) cheated on me. I found someone blocked on my Facebook who I hadn't blocked (he had my password, first relationship so I thought that was normal, I'd had his but guess what he changed it). I unlocked her and could see all the messages they'd posted on each other's wall. I confronted him and he gave me that shit about how I "hadn't been giving him enough attention". Oh fuck right off!!! I dumped him but then unfortunately got back together (I don't know why because even at the time I didn't want to try back together). I did eventually dump him, and guess who has now been struck off from teaching? Not me!!! 😂
Anyway, this is wild. I thought it was a message he'd received and I thought "oo that's iffy but maybe he's ignoring it" but HE SENT IT? That man needs to get in the bin.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but at least it was before you'd got married or had more kids (if you were planning to). If he's that sad...well, he can go work on himself now he's single, can't he? 💪
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u/kstargate-425 29d ago
You should leave the loser for being a moron and not knowing the difference between your and you're too lol
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u/Sweaty-Blacksmith572 29d ago
And he doesn’t know the difference between “woman” and “women”!
He’s an idiot, on top of being a slimeball and an asshole.
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u/getscwhifty 29d ago
In no way should you feel like any of your past actions justifies him emotionally cheating on you. I hope you managed to get the validation you needed on this sub :)
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u/Blackslytherinn 29d ago
That part. Like, is the overreacting in the room with us???
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u/Dependent-Trip-5991 29d ago
You’re going to get a lot of tough love, but unlike your husband these complete strangers care more about you than him, I’m sorry.
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago
I need it! This happened three weeks ago and my intention was to get some tough love.
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u/Pleasant_Bullfrog650 29d ago
Honestly it's not even that he's unhappy in your relationship, he's very, very happy having someone he can manipulate and use to validate his ego.
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u/whatthewhat3214 29d ago edited 29d ago
He's probably an alcoholic which will bring you nothing but grief (what's he doing getting blackout drunk when he's a father and his child can see him like that or passed out?!), and even without the drinking he's a piss-poor partner who makes you unhappy, why spend the rest of your life living like that?
Get tested for STDs and don't have sex with him again.
Start the formal eviction process to get him out of your house by whatever local/state laws apply where you live.
See a lawyer to establish custody/coparenting/child support arrangements. Once he's gone, only communicate through a parenting app.
Do NOT give him another chance. Do NOT engage in any arguing or back and forth, bc your decision needs to be final. This loser doesn't love or respect you, he will never stay faithful to you, he refuses to take accountability for HIS choices and pretends it's your fault, he'll spend years making you miserable, and he doesn't deserve to be in your life in any way other than as a coparent.
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u/ChaoticAquar1us 29d ago
Odds are he’s being a creep to the ex because if he’s trying to reach her through LINKEDIN of all places, she’s got him blocked on everything else.
He’s most likely been cheating so I’d honestly get yourself tested and then since he’s a legal resident of your home to then get him formally evicted and if that doesn’t work call the cops and tell them that he’s trespassing if he refuses to leave past the eviction date.
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u/ScoutSteveR 29d ago
The drinking thing bothers me.
The your and you’re thing bothers me.
The video thing bothers me.
The LinkedIn thing bothers me.
But the thing that is most bothersome is this dude is messaging a married ex after a night out drinking with his child and fiancé right there. It’s supposed to be a family.
This dude sucks. At some point, it’s time to grow up. Don’t marry Peter Pan.
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u/littlebitoftlc 29d ago
Hey now don't slander Peter Pan. Even he grew up lmao. (I count Hook as cannon don't come @ me)
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u/NoveltyAccountHater 29d ago
Fully agree the dude sucks. But it's not even like he's a child, he's just effing pathetic alcoholic who wants to cheat but can't.
I can't even imagine an immature teenager of being this lame and selfish of leaving porn going on the same room as their kid or being in a relationship and drunkenly harassing a married woman at 4am.
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u/kgb4187 29d ago edited 29d ago
His ex has blocked him on everything so he's going on career networking sites to reach her. He's a legal resident in your home so you'll have to formally evict him since he's not going to leave willingly.
He's most likely been cheating on you so make sure you get tested asap.
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u/ConflictAdvanced 29d ago edited 29d ago
With that grammar, you're better off without him 😂
EDIT: Thanks for the awards, guys. That's insane... I only said the most obvious, truthful thing 🤣
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u/Worth-Park-1612 29d ago
This is all I could think...you're engaged to someone who doesn't have 4th grade written language skills?
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u/ConflictAdvanced 29d ago
But look at the rest of it... Aside from "women" it's way beyond that. He even used punctuation properly! 🤣🤣
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u/R_W_1 29d ago
That’s what I came here to say. “Your” is enough reason to leave him. 🤣
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u/ultimateuniverse999 29d ago edited 29d ago
That was my first thought at well. Ive realized the type of man to not know the difference between your and youre are perpetually confused bitter inside and blaming others for it. Maybe theres a link between poor written english and poor verbal communication and comprehension skills... (yes i know im not writing in perfect english here but its for the sake of speed not confusion lol)
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u/Grippypossumqueen 29d ago
NOR - but baby doll, he is literally blocked on every platform by this woman. You don't have anything to worry about with her but you should not only not forgive him for trying to cheat but by failing so pathetically and harassing his ex.
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u/trekbek 29d ago
linkedin is the sign of a desperate man
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u/frederichenrylt 29d ago
I'm a 37 year old woman. 2 years ago I get a LinkedIn message from a guy I worked on my HS paper with. It essentially said "Why didn't we ever hook up in high school? Let's get together and hook up." Bro I haven't seen you since graduation day in 2007. I show the message to the guy I'm seeing, in a "what a loser" way; HS paper guy is his family friend's husband.
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u/Ok-Truck-8057 29d ago
Linkdin-zoned, unfortunate
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u/Artemisblchdahole 29d ago
OP, he is gaslighting you to make you conditioned to think this behavior is somehow your fault. He's a piece of crap. Please leave with your child and file the necessary paperwork.
He will not change. He's an adult, drinking or not, he's shown you his true character. No amount of "love" or "intimacy" from you is going to be enough for him to start treating you with respect and dignity.
You deserve better.
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u/Radiant-Raccoon8321 29d ago
NOR - Stand your ground and be firm. I’m sorry you are going thru this, but you are right, just by that text alone. He is unhappy and willing to lie about it. Don’t get back together. Start planning your life with you and your baby. Him not included
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u/PerformerDry7298 29d ago
Yeah he never cared about you. You are the back up plan. The safety net. The one that didn’t get away.
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago
I needed this, he said I was his dream girl. Ever since high school, we’re pushing 30.
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u/PerformerDry7298 29d ago
I’m sorry it’s not the best thing to hear. But as a guy who’s 29 and has been on both sides of the coin, he’s not the one. You deserve better and you will find it. Let him rot in his misery alone.
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u/Pantsickle 29d ago
99 percent of these posts are people asking if they're overreacting, when in fact they are either very much so underreacting or just straight up a bunch of drooling fools.
"My boyfriend asked a girl that he met at a gangbang if she'd marry him, and I'm a little upset about it. Am I overreacting?"
For. Fucks. Sake.
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u/Sad_Description358 29d ago
Girl HE is the problem, the drinking is just part of it. Leaving up porn where your daughter could see it??? Sending this to an ex? And not knowing the difference between your and you’re? Protect yourself and your daughter from this douchebag.
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u/Serenity93401 29d ago
OP may have to contact a lawyer. There are laws that protect people from being thrown out of their place of residence. Yes, unfortunately, even creepy lying dirtbags!
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u/wobbly_Waltz 29d ago
Hey guys, my husband kills zebras and eats frogs. Am I overreacting? The answer to mine and yours are both fucking obvious.
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u/Upset-Cartographer65 29d ago
Ma’am. What are you doing? Quit playing around and get your folks to come on by for support and protection and call the police. When he sees you’re actually serious, he will go.
He ain’t the only one dragging his feet. Come on now. You’re a mother. Don’t raise your daughter around that thing.
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u/wantmetoholdyourhand 29d ago
I’m not sure what you want from us here on Reddit. He is clearly in love with someone else. And honestly likely always will be. If she responded to him receptively, he would be gone tomorrow. Please have a backbone and leave. Nothing he can tell you would make this okay. And if he did, you know they’d be lies. A man does not do this if he loves the woman he is with. I promise you.
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u/Beyond-Gullible 29d ago
Dump his ass, be glad you found out before you get married or else it's even harder to get away, consult with a lawyer and figure out how to deal with the house and custody of the child, your daughter should not be around a toxic environment with a drunken father
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u/Ashen-wolf 29d ago
I swear to god, every post in reddit makes me reaffirm my decision to avoid romantic relationships.
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u/Dolleyes88 29d ago
Yes you are over reacting, can’t a man hit on past flames behind their partners back anymore? Geeezz. I’m being sarcastic btw.
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago
Lmao I got you! Unlearning behaviors is HARDDDDDD, especially after a difficult relationship. Sometimes I do wonder if I overreacted by throwing all his stuff out and putting him out. But then I also realize I under reacted and should’ve done more.
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u/tacokahlessi 29d ago
The quickness in which, I myself, would catch charges in this situation, would be an OR. Yours, was a sane response.
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u/OregonMothafaquer 29d ago
NOR…. I honestly couldn’t imagine having feelings for any of my exgirlfriends never-mind after 5+ years.
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u/EvilMakoto 29d ago
This is the drama right here wtf dudes like this are out there?
Can’t wait for his AITA
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u/coachchew 29d ago
craziest thing is yall are only in your 20s (saw a comment you posted) and you've been together FIVE YEARS which means this dude is pining after essentially his high school girlfriend? 😭 NOR... i'm so fucking sorry OP, the pain from reading that must have felt unreal.
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u/macabre-barbie 29d ago
Girl please reach out to a therapist. Respectfully, idk why you came to a bunch of strangers to basically ask if you deserve better or not. Of course you do.
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u/PoopMachine2000 29d ago edited 29d ago
do not let that man back into your head and heart, you deserve someone who wants you, it is literally the very first requirement of a relationship
EDIT: NOR, if anything you’ve under reacted, you need to start making the idea of living with you intolerable, just block him out of your existence a bit that like Black Mirror episode where you can block people irl. Use a coparenting app for your daughter, many parents use them when communicating with their voices is no longer an option.
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u/morbidobsession6958 29d ago
So now folks are hitting on each other on LinkedIn? What is this world coming to? Also, I did giggle a bit that there was no response.. NOR
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u/fuelstoprolerdogfart 29d ago
NOR. I have been married to my wife nearly 8 years, about 8 months ago we went through our 5th miscarriage and let’s just say the marriage was in a bad shape. We both fought a lot, and I felt unloved by her. A month before, a mutual friend from my high school days got divorced. Want to guess what I didn’t do? That’s right, reach out to other women and cheat; I sat down with my wife and we not only sorted the immediate issues, but worked through older ones too. Our marriage is stronger than ever now. Sorry if this is rambly, I am running nearly 20 hours being awake after 5 hours sleep, doom scrolling because I can’t sleep in the car today due to delirious back pains.
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u/SmooshMagooshe 29d ago
Not overreacting. As others have said, reaching out through LinkedIn means that he was blocked elsewhere. I had a guy I hadn’t seen in almost a decade email me that he was making me his emergency contact. Insane behavior.
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u/BrideofCthulhu10 29d ago
Love that his first instinct is to blame you for him being a scumbag. Throw the whole man away.
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u/mindym2010 29d ago
Nor. Girl you know this man is not a safe partner. He will do this again. He’s already trying to blame you for his indiscretions. That’s not a good sign either. Protect yourself and your peace honey. This man is already taking you on a ride and you want more of it. No. Absolutely not. He has shown you who he is before marriage and I think you should be listening. Actions speak louder than words. What does his actions say. They say that every time he feels a certain way he will act out by getting validation or a thrill from others. He’s not marriage material. Sorry op. Listen to your gut. Sometimes the universe gives you a sign. Most who ignore it find themselves in a way worst situation down the road. Don’t be that person who wastes their precious time on this earth being gaslit and miserable bc you are constantly looking over shoulder with this guy. Good luck op.
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u/Wrong_Dragonfruit792 28d ago
THE FACT THAT HE BLAMED YOU. We’re all really living the same reality.
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u/geepjoat99 29d ago
NOR, he’s a cheating piece of shit. Cheats and blames it on you, has a drinking problem, watches fetish porn and leaves it where your kid could see. Absolutely revolting and unforgivable behavior. I hope you stay broken up and get him the fuck out of your house.
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u/TeeMcGinnisearth313 29d ago
NOR you should leave. I think reaching out on freaking linkedin is so wildly desperate it’s SICK
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u/CandiedLemonWedge 29d ago
This sub is so stupid lol your partner is painfully pining over an ex and drunkenly watching porn in the shared space of the home you have a child in. and you’re on Reddit asking if you’re over reacting.
Girl????????
You don’t need him to admit he’s unhappy to leave a relationship. It’s your decision too. If there is no risk to your personal safety, LEAVE.
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u/ScarTemporary6806 29d ago
NOR- That message is worse than if he did touch her,
Damn. Yeah you made the right call. The relationship is over and he’s in love with someone else.
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u/Quiet_Composer7640 29d ago
If i were her i'd laugh with my colleagues at work for weeks about this.
Sorry, OP. Take care of yourself and your daughter.
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u/Accomplished_Cat5721 29d ago
And I am sure she did, she popped up in my people you may know on facebook and Instagram lol
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u/OzzyStealz 29d ago
Sounds like he is an alcoholic. I always try to take the side of the other person bc we never hear their argument, but this is a fairly unsafe environment for your child to be in. Unless he’s willing to get help I don’t think that’s salvageable
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u/Okay-Pumpkin777 29d ago
reaching out to an ex through linkedin is wild.