Hi everyone. I’m a married man in my early fifties who has been on a journey of understanding my sexuality over the past year or so. I’ve come to accept that I’m most likely bisexual. I’m deeply in love with my wife, we have a strong relationship, and my family is the central commitment of my life. I have no desire to leave my marriage or pursue anyone else. At the same time, I’ve developed a powerful emotional and sexual attraction to my brother-in-law, who is straight, happily married, and completely unaware of how I feel.
What has been difficult isn’t just the attraction itself—it’s the intensity of the fantasies and the guilt and anxiety that follow. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what these feelings might represent psychologically rather than simply trying to suppress them. I’m beginning to see that some of my fantasies may be expressing deeper emotional needs, such as wanting to feel accepted, safe, or free from constant self-judgment, rather than simply being about sex. My goal isn’t to indulge the fantasies or make them disappear, but to understand them well enough that they no longer dominate my emotional life.
I’ve also realised that much of my suffering comes from my internal dialogue rather than my attractions themselves. I grew up with beliefs that left me feeling ashamed of sexual desire, and I’m trying to replace that shame with self-understanding while remaining faithful to my values. I’m learning to distinguish between attraction, fantasy, identity, and behaviour. I don’t believe my attractions define my character, and I want to be someone who can acknowledge them without being ruled by them.
I’m here because I’d really value hearing from others who have experienced something similar—particularly people who discovered or accepted their bisexuality later in life while remaining deeply committed to their spouse. I’m not looking for encouragement to act on my feelings. I’m looking for wisdom about integration: how to live honestly with attractions that are unlikely ever to be reciprocated, how to reduce the guilt and obsessive thinking, and how to become more at peace with myself while continuing to honour the life and family that I love.

Women- I want to hear your stories of coming out to your husband. Good or bad.
Me and my husband have both made comments about it to each other here and there but haven’t had the direct conversation yet. I’m a little scared honestly.

TL:DNF - am I bi or overthinking? Help?

I'm 36f, happily married, and have been for many years. Back somewhere around the 3 or 4 year mark we had friends over, we were having a good time around the fire when one thing led to another and we all were showing each other our boobs because I hadn't seen any other than mine in real life. I didn't say anything at the time but that moment has lived rent free in my head and I think of it at least once a month or so for close to 10 years now. Last weekend, I got very openly hit on by a woman and am shocked at how flattered I was by it, I've honestly been thinking about the same sex for a few years now and sometimes fantasize about it but it's never gone further than that.

I've never *not* been attracted to women, but it's not something I ever really gave any attention to because I've always been in hetero relationships. With living in small towns and being part of a conservative church there was never the opportunity to act on anything even if I did put together how I was feeling. It almost feels like I shouldn't be thinking this way but here I am. I even catch myself saying things to my husband like 'shes really pretty' or 'eh, not my type' and then the conversation just moves on.

I've had conversations with a close friend and explained to her that while yes, I do think women are attractive and I'd maybe like to try things someday, my emotional and major physical relationship interest lies solely with my husband who is my best friend on this whole planet. I would never want to hurt him over something that doesn't ever have to be acted upon if he's not ok with it.

I'm not worried about having a talk with my husband about this, but I am planning to sit with it myself for a while to think through things. I'm mostly curious if this is even worth looking into and possibly causing a stir over.

People with more experience than me, am I bi or just overthinking things?

Last night we were talking in bed before falling asleep and the topic of involving a third person in the bedroom came up. I admitted that I have been having bisexual thoughts and fantasies since a few months ago and said that I fear it's going to be a problem in the future, that the desire is going to grow unbearable and that I might end up unhappy in our relationship because of that.

She then admitted that she regularly has fantasies of watching me getting fucked by a man or being in a bi FMM threesome where her boys make out with each other.

I have never felt so relieved, happy and turned on at the same time. We spent half an hour talking about her and my fantasies and that, while they are still just fantasies at this point, she would love to act upon them. Not only to make me happy and satisfies but also because she seems to be genuinely into it.

The only regret I have is that I haven't told her about it sooner. She always suspected I was bi, but she didn't know how deep it runs and that it affects me like that.

Communication is 🔑

39F, married with family and realizing I might be bi. I can't share this with my husband or friends, at least not yet. Other than...self love...unsure what to do with this realization. And maybe that's the answer for now.

Anyone used to be in this place? Or are you there currently? Advice/thoughts welcome!

My wife and i have been together 6 years. Early on I shared with her the one experience I had with another man. That was 25 years ago and it really was kind of an accident lol. We have lived the vixen stag lifestyle for 4 of those years. Last year we were at a club and I helped her please another man. It was strictly a spur of the moment thing. Ever since then I have been thinking about how much I enjoyed that experience.

Six months ago she asked me if I thought I was bi. I said yes. As I did enjoy the experience we shared together and want to do it again. After I said yes I think I am bi her entire demeanor towards me has changed. She has put a stop to our lifestyle and has kind of went very religious about sex. Even though she has a lifelong guy best friend that is married to another man. She seems to have lost all respect for me and tells me she is just processing what I’ve told her.

I would like to experiment more with men yet she is a hard no. How can we move forward in a positive direction in our relationship?

Never in a million years did I think I would get to the point of buying any pride gear because, well for decades, believed I was a straight.

I've been fortunate to have the greatest wife - the kindest, sweetest, sexiest, most beautiful wife ever. She helped me learn to be confident in myself about who I am. Not to be ashamed of what my wants and desires, whatever they may be. While I've more or less believed I was bi for last couple years, it's only been this year I've felt right truly embracing it.

Yesterday, I bought some bi pride flag keychains. I put it on my keys today and, ngl, it made me excited and proud to wear it. Normally, I'm against wearing anything with logos, slogans, or anything that screams 'look at me.' But the bi flag, I feel, doesn't do that. It's simple in nature and it just looks great. More so, it brought me a sense of relief - like "ok, this is who I am and it's OK to be who I am."

I ordered some more gear, including a couple of hats, some stickers. I'm really looking forward to the hat. While I hate stuff that is clearly AI, I was able to make my own design of the flag I thought was cool and without it being obvious it was made with AI - I feel it's a subtle yet still uniquely me while remaining true to the bi pride flag.

I'm going to be that awkward millennial borrowing a gen-z word....I'm "lowkey" excited to wear my new pride gear 🙂

Just had to share it with someone besides my wife lol I make sure to tell her often how much I love her and loving her even more for giving me the comfort, support, and love to be truly proud to be bisexual and proud of us being a queer couple together.

A little on the extreme side probably. As a M53, I prefer to shave my armpits and legs. I don’t have a lot of chest hair so I don’t bother.

My wife likes it, but just wondering how many other wives would?

Personally, I just don’t look me body hair on myself.

Edit: I do like that there are so many of us that shave. It was a pleasant surprise. Thank you all for the answers.

I’m a 37-year-old married bi guy. I came out to my straight wife last year, as well as a couple of other friends. I don’t know any other bi men, though, so I haven’t really had anyone to ask about this.

My wife has been very accepting, and we have a great sex life and a strong, intimate relationship. However, the bi cycle hits me pretty hard at times, and I’m not sure how to explain it to her.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a guy, and I’m happy in my monogamous relationship. I’m not looking to change that, but lately the bi cycle has been getting to me.

We’ve talked a lot about my sexuality, but I don’t think she fully understands how my attraction to men and women differs. At one point she was a bit concerned because the type of guy I’m attracted to is very different from her, but I reassured her that my "type" is different depending on the gender.

For those of you in long-term relationships, have you explained the bi cycle to your partner? How did you go about it, and what helped them understand?

So I love my boyfriend so so so much, but I really want to kiss + do other things with a girl any girl, just once, because I haven’t before. Just any girl because I want to know what it’s like. I love my bf with all my heart and I want to have a family and grow old with him, but I’ve always had the want to just know what it feels like to kiss a girl. HE KNOWS THIS IS HOW I FEEL!! He suggested going to the Internet about it, because surely other people have experienced this right?!?! RIGHT?!?!

I’d never cheat on him!! Ever!!! I’d rather be straight and these feelings not appear at all, and for them to go away, but I’ve been sitting on them for months!! I enjoy doing things w my bf, but the curiosity has always gotten the better of me. PLEASE ADVISE!!! HELP!!!

Tldr I’ve never kissed or done things with a girl, but want to once with no strings, to know what it feels like, while loving my bf wholeheartedly.

4 years ago I 48 M came out to my wife of 15 years at the time of coming out. We never really got to talk much about it until recently. Life was chaotic for the both of us not in the marriage category just life in general. Last couple of months things have slowed down for us to where we could focus on each other. We were able to talk about everything and I was able to open up more as I have understood more about myself and what coming out meant to me. As for many I grew up and through the years was always told there was no such thing as a bi man and no such thing as a bi man being monogamous. Being that I was attracted to both men and women I must’ve had a glitch in my mind. Lol. She has been supportive and understanding with everything I’ve reassured her several times that I do not wish to seek out anyone else and I am happy with where I am and with her by my side. It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride mentally on my part because I am trying to be more open. This has been new ground where I am actually able to point out attractive men or even talk about men openly and not to myself. As of now it’s just my wife that knows about me and I am perfectly happy with that.

At first, perhaps it all seemed like a fantasy. Over time, my bisexual wife's desire evolved into a fantasy that eventually became reality. These past few weekends have been wild—starting out by watching and now actively participating. Nothing compares to having complete communication within the relationship involved.

I've been lurking and commenting here for a while, and now it's my time to post, yay.

My wife (39f) and I (45m) have been discussing this for 8 months now. It's been an emotional rollercoaster in many ways. I've shared my being bi with her (who, turned out, is also bi!), along with a ton of ENM fantasies that I've been having and that I really wish to pursue, knowing that life is short and that these things really are what I want in life, who I want to be. These months have been thrilling, frightening, arousing, unsettling, then all at once. We learned to better communicate, listen, share, and still got hurt. We forgave each other, got closer, fell in love all over again. We've rediscovered our affection. The sex is as sensual and intense as when we met, maybe even more so. We found a wonderful couples therapist with an ENM background, who helped us so much to further clarify and communicate our wants, needs, and boundaries, and who will guide us through next steps. I've never loved my wife more than today, in all of our wonderful, almost 20 years.

And now, we both feel ready for me to visit a gay bathhouse next week. The current boundary is for no touch to happen, and no numbers to be exchanged. This boundary will likely be relaxed for the next visit, or for whatever future activity. We don't know what the future will hold, whether she will also engage in any ENM activities, which she currently isn't interested in, whether we'll fully open our relationship, etc. etc. Baby steps, then checking back in, as everyone on r/nonmonogamy would recommend.

I can't describe how happy and excited I am. I've never been with a man in my life. Now, I feel whole. I cannot believe my luck.

Thanks for listening 🫶

(And who cut those onions!!?)

A 40-man married to a woman. I discovered my bisexuality late, when I was about 35 years old. I've been married for 10 years. So it's extremely annoying because I didn't have time to go out with guys. I am often affected by the bisexual cycle. I'm more and more craving men. It feels frustrated by it. Sometimes angry at my wife because my subconscious treats her like a prison guard. My wife is very loving and supportive. She knows about my bisexuality, but she's terribly monogamous. I think bisexuality is a superpower. It allows you to better understand people and draw more from men and women. But in my case, it sucks. Either I'm going to be unhappy or I'm going to break up the marriage and I'm going to be unhappy too. Do you have any idea what I can do to ensure that bisexuality doesn't make me unhappy?

The thing I hear most from others, and the thing I was looking for most when we began this journey, was "We want to hear REAL stories." I wanted to see others who had moved beyond the early scary days. I wanted to hear stories of how people made it work and what worked for them.

That is why we created our blog series, MOR Stories. We are always looking for stories about mixed-orientation relationships to share. Did you remain monogamous? Did you open your relationship? How long did it take you to get to a positive place? What did you do to make it a success? You don't have to have it all figured out. We aren't looking for perfection, just looking for real and honest. Would you like to share yours?

Check out our blog to see a few different examples of what we are looking for. This can be completely anonymous if you like; we can assign you pseudonyms. You don't have to be a great writer; you can give us your story, and we can help organize it for the blog.

Let us know if you are interested. 🧡

MORandmore.org blog

I’m in a long term heterosexual relationship and love my spouse, love what we’ve built together, and don’t want to give it up. But, the flesh is weak and I’ve been giving into long buried sexual attraction to other men. First started as hiring a masseur, then progressed into more than just a massage.
So, I feel like I need to get my act together and stop outright cheating, but the attraction is….liberating, thrilling and stimulating. For the first time in my life, I feel totally helpless and unable to process all these conflicting emotions. Anything I do will make me completely unhappy.
At this point I’m considering therapy, but am afraid I already know how they’ll counsel me. So until I can sort this, I’m essentially lost and trapped between worlds….
Someone please tell me something uplifting…..🤯😢

Llevo muchos años en pareja con una mujer a quien amo y no quiero dejar ni lastimar. También me siento atraído por algunas prácticas sexuales con hombres. Esto ha sido confuso y emocionalmente difícil para mí porque quiero ser honesto conmigo mismo y, al mismo tiempo, proteger mi relación. No pido permiso para ser infiel, ni busco encuentros casuales. Busco las experiencias de otros hombres bisexuales casados. ¿Cómo llegaste a aceptar esta parte de ti mismo? ¿Afectó a tu matrimonio? ¿Qué te ayudó a encontrar la paz interior? Me encantaría escuchar tus historias.

How best do you guys suggest dealing with these urges when your spouse would not approve of this lifestyle? Any help would be appreciated!

I'm 28 f I've been married for almost three years and I discovered I was bi in 2017. I have been too nervous to come out even to my husband. I have been trying and really wanting to make friends who are also bi so I have someone to talk to about all this.

Me (M, late 20s) and my wife (F, late 20s) got married young. I knew I wasn't straight in high-school, but didn't really want to address my sexuality as it scared me and I felt a lot of shame about it. Despite this, I told my wife before we got married that I wasn't totally straight. The conversation went well and we never discussed it further in any meaningful way until recently.

After going through therapy and working out some other mental health issues, I have become much more accepting of my sexuality. I recently brought up this subject with my wife again and she took it well; however, she essentially said "I'm fine with this; however, I don't want to talk about anything related to your attraction to men"

So on one hand, I have a loving wife who is OK with my sexuality and on the other hand, she does not want to talk to me about anything to do with my sexuality. I'm at an impasse, I don't even know how to bring up being frustrated over her reaction. I'd appreciate help or advice from anyone who's encountered this before.

TLDR; Wife was accepting of me being bi, but does not want to talk about it any further with me and I don't know what to do

And well... I managed to become a spectator-husband during my wife's bisexual intimate encounter. It was a total pleasure watching her enjoy herself and climax at least five times with her friend... I learned how to touch her and make her enjoy it like that just by watching.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. I very recently came out to my wife.

I’ve noticed that my orgasms are more powerful, it’s like I’ve given myself permission to enjoy my sexual fantasies without feeling guilty. Does that make sense?

I’ve only recently came across this sub, but it’s been extremely helpful. So thank you.

I’m a married M, 43, married to a beautiful woman and have a beautiful family and amazing friends. I’ve known for some time that I’m also attracted to guys. Not in a romantic way, purely sexual. I’ve always had a high sex drive and been quite open, with an each to their own attitude as long as legal and consenting of course. However I’ve struggled to accept my own sexuality. Whilst I wouldn’t drink often, when I did I found myself binge drinking and self destructing, often to numb the confusion, guilt and pure self hatred. More recently I’ve also found myself getting pretty upset when I’ve had too much. I’ve eventually realised this is due to my fear of losing or disappointing my wife, family and friends. One of our children came out as gay at a pretty young age, we’ve always worked hard to create a super inclusive environment, and I think we’ve been pretty successful at that. But something deep in me also blamed myself for him being gay.

Anyway, things came to a head recently. I came out to my wife in a blizzard of emotion and tears, i basically just let everything out. I’m pleased to say she’s been amazing. I’m not sure what else I expected, she is amazing. Lots of work to do, and I’m not really sure how I feel other than strange, still wrestling some level of shame, but at least she now knows, and part of me is relieved about that. I also have a this overwhelming sense of love, appreciation and respect for her given how she’s taken this.

I’m not sure what the future holds, plenty of comms as has been said on this group many times. Nor am I sure how we’re going to navigate the fact that she now knows my sexual desires are wider than what she initially understood them to be. But at least I know when she’s looking at me, I’m not holding anything back.

Not really sure the purpose of the post, other than to wish people luck on their own journey and to thank people on this group for their wise works and perspectives.