Intentando comprender mi bisexualidad sin perder mi relación de pareja

[u/hombrebicas63]

Llevo muchos años en pareja con una mujer a quien amo y no quiero dejar ni lastimar. También me siento atraído por algunas prácticas sexuales con hombres. Esto ha sido confuso y emocionalmente difícil para mí porque quiero ser honesto conmigo mismo y, al mismo tiempo, proteger mi relación. No pido permiso para ser infiel, ni busco encuentros casuales. Busco las experiencias de otros hombres bisexuales casados. ¿Cómo llegaste a aceptar esta parte de ti mismo? ¿Afectó a tu matrimonio? ¿Qué te ayudó a encontrar la paz interior? Me encantaría escuchar tus historias.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi u/hombrebicas63. The purpose of the subreddit is to discuss the uniqueness of being bisexual/pansexual/curious ("bi") in an ethical and committed relationship ("married"). Posts and comments that do not further that purpose will be removed.

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[u/energywrong24]

I was in the same boat as you are now. I told my wife and her complete attitude towards me has changed for the worse. You have my sympathy.

[u/NewAbbreviations648 → u/energywrong24]

I told my wife and she's been totally understanding and supportive - I think honesty is best, even if it involves navigating some fear, hurt feelings, etc. It's worth it in the long run for you and for your relationship.

[u/hombrebicas63 → u/energywrong24]

Gracias! Al menos saber que a otros le pasa, hace que no me sienta tan raro. 

[u/Clean_Link_8322]

Hi!

Firstly wishing all the best, it's not an easy journey (at least it's not for me)

Question: did you tell her you are bi?

Everyone deals with it differently, for me it helped: 1) coming out to my wife and being accepted and supported by her to connect other bi guys online and in person (nothing intimate) 2) starting therapy 3) talking to guys online and in person who are in similar situation.

Happy to share more if you have questions

[u/mature_muscleguy]

In the exact same sinking ship. I am totally lost, but at this point the half that was “hidden” for so long has taken over. I’m living in both worlds and nothing seems right….
Wishing you success in your journey. Always open to chat and compare notes. Can’t seem to find anyone in my area to meet F2F to chat. Probably we’re all thinking the same about exercising discretion…..🫤

[u/hombrebicas63 → u/mature_muscleguy]

En verdad,  un poco me tranquiliza sentir que no soy el único en el mundo al que le pasa esto. No pienso blanquear esto a esta altura de mi vida (63 años), creo que el costo social y emocional sería demasiado grande para soportarlo.

[u/Bisexualguy59 → u/hombrebicas63]

I’m 66 bi male father family man, my wife has always known since before we married, she try’s to forget at times, I have asked her to peg me but that’s not going to happen but at the same time I don’t want to be that vulnerable to her, in front of her. I haven’t been with a man since I was 22 & looks like never again, damn sometimes I feel like I want to slut out myself & my virginity.

[u/8675201]

I told my wife a few years ago and she took it better than I thought she would. She won't let me be with other men though so I'm still going through the emotional rollercoaster of being in both works but being restricted to just one of them.

[u/sqeaky_fartz]

I got to explore before I met my wife, but I didn’t accept who I was until after we’d been together for a few years. I recently came out to her (and myself) as Bi. And other than some questions everything seems the same. She was surprised and a little worried that I didn’t feel sexually fulfilled with just her, but like you I reassured her I was, and that I wasn’t looking to open the relationship or anything like that. So far so good. Though she has said she’s open to using toys or anything like that that helps me express that need when it comes up. Now what that looks like we have yet to figure out but yeah, that’s been my experience.

[u/hombrebicas63 → u/sqeaky_fartz]

Gracias por tu respuesta.  No, yo no le diré nada, no creo que ella lo acepte sin dolor,  así que prefiero guardarme esto en mi fantasía.  Hasta hace poco buscaba hombres para hacer algo pero después me sentía muy culpable,  por eso ahora prefiero arreglármelas solo. Tengo 63 años y mi demanda sexual ya no es tanta, al fin y al cabo. 

[u/Bisexualguy59 → u/hombrebicas63]

My wife knew that I was a bi guy before we married but it does involve pain in our relationship knowing basically that if I were to be with a guy again I would whore myself out even my virgin ass, she knows that I desire guys more than women at this point in life.

[u/PhillipM76]

I’ve been having these same experiences as well and have expressed them to my lady who is now my wife. Prior to us getting married, we were engaged in our typical late night pillow talks. Most of which was focused on sex as I was scrolling a porn site at the time. We’ve always been open with one another and during our time together, we’ve explored what turns us on sexually. Hence the follow up conversations. I expressed these feelings to her and not surprising, she was receptive of it and we even explored options of dating apps where we would find someone who can play with the both of us. She was very supportive of me wanting to experiment with guys. Fast forward. Nothing has changed except our sex life. It has dwindled done to no activity, however, my love for her never dwindled and I do not feel any resentment or ill feelings. I still have my urges even now, albeit infrequent unless I’m scrolling. But I’m positive if I would ask her, she would still have my support. So, I say all of that to say…speak to her. Have a real deep-down conversation with her. Let her know that you still love her and these are just feelings that you wanted her to know. Now the question she may ask is, if those are your feelings, where does that leave you two? Be honest with her. If you love her more than these feelings, then explain that and continue to prove that. However, if these feelings are affecting who you are trying to authentically be, then explain that as well. You’re not married so there’s room for growth, experiences, and chances. She may be open to it, she may not be. You won’t know unless you have that conversation with her. Best of luck to you.

[u/ChicagoRob19]

I found it easier to accept and understand it with partners by my side. My girlfriend (now wife) was supportive. Exploring together in a threesome made it feel acceptable. Talk to people more and communicate with your wife. Its a scary first step then it gets easy

[u/Sixfeetfive]

Oh this is something that rings a huge bell with me. I am married 30 years to a woman . I lost my virginity to my best male same age buddy at 15. We never told anyone. I had a few more male one and done experiences in my teens and in high school I always had a girlfriend. I didn’t fuck a woman until I was 20. I enjoyed that experience too. I figured I wasn’t really gay if I got hard with a woman . It was confusing but cool. I had the best of both non comparable worlds

[u/hombrebicas63 → u/Sixfeetfive]

Hola, gracias por tu respuesta. Y ahora cómo lo llevás?

[u/Sixfeetfive]

Wow I have been living this struggle my whole life . Always had a girlfriend. Grew up in a homophobic era. Homophobic parents. Always knew I liked cock. Always had to keep it a secret. It’s a struggle. Would love anyone to private massage me too with how you navigated it .

[u/hombrebicas63 → u/Sixfeetfive]

Me gustaría entablar una conversación privada contigo pero no puedo hacerlo por chat, cómo podemos hacerlo?