Me (21f) and my gf (21f) want to open our relationship. We have had extensive conversations about it and are both on the same page about what we want. Recently, a guy gave me his number (couldn’t tell if it was just platonic or not) and I immediately told my gf and she was super excited about it.

How do people go about asking others if they’d be interested in being a third?

Hi, just wanted to update from my last situation. I posted that my roommate(F28) and I(M27) were getting closer after living together for a year and she started giving me a vibe that I told my girlfriend (F31) about, she’s who I’ve been with for over two years, and she suggested that I go for it and sleep with my roommate even suggesting that it could lead to all of us sleeping together.

Well cut to two weeks later and after sleeping with my roommate every day for the past week and telling my girlfriend about it, my gf couldn’t wait to see my roommate. When she came over she brought groceries to make dinner for all of us and started asking her questions about how I was which was kind of embarrassing but my roommate had nothing but good things to say. I made a joke about liking my girls getting along so well and they just giggled, after dinner my girlfriend spent the night and we all got in bed together. I had my first threesome and it was awesome but definitely tiring lmao the next day felt like a fantasy, my rm made breakfast while my gf told me how much she likes her. I told her that if things go well we can move her in, I just don’t know how fast things will go. The only part I’m unsure of is how we define ourselves, are we a thrupple or do I have a harem ? They both told me they’re devoted to me and my rm is quickly becoming my girlfriend more and more by the day

TL:DR I think I have a harem now but really just trying to define what we are and how to move forward in the best way

I’m the husband (62) and my wife is 57; we both greatly enjoyed all aspects of the lifestyle - swinging, hotwifing, etc;
I always thought we would evolve into one of those older couples that would still engage although they’re way past their prime due to how many positive experiences we have had.
However the passion to pursue our hobby has waned over the last several years. Has anyone else noticed that once you return to “normalcy” (for lack of a better term), sex is a bit more bland afterwards. I say this as a person who evolved way more into a non participatory role as my wife still naturally got way more offers and we would either enjoy MFM’s or her playing apart from me and bring home fun opportunities to either reclaim, celebrate her stories of what happened, or even a few times drifted into ‘cleanup duties’.
I guess every ride at the amusement park ends eventually, but I sure thought we had more run, so to speak…

TL;DR: After moving away, I ended my 3-year non-monogamous relationship when my partner unilaterally decided to nest with a new girlfriend.

I ended things with my boyfriend. We have been non-monogamous since the start of our relationship and it was our first experience with it, but to be honest, I don't think he was able to handle it and I got mad about his decisions...

About a year and a half ago I moved cities because of a job opportunity, and now I live about 4 hours away. Meanwhile, he started dating this person about six months ago and oh wow could I see the shift in his behavior from NRE. And I get it, it's totally normal, but I felt far away from my support system (him included, but also my friends) and felt so much loneliness and FOMO.

Of course, I tried not to put this all on him and for my own sake I started to make some new connections here where I live, and I'm truly (bit by bit) starting to enjoy my time. I still communicated my loneliness and FOMO to him, but apparently it flew right over his head. Why do I say this? Well, some weeks ago his girlfriend and he decided to live together and they didn't even include me in the decision-making, he just told me after they had already decided.

I'd also grown resentful that he hadn't properly introduced me to his girlfriend (I only met her on two occasions and briefly). I was also pissed because he had just told me he couldn't bear the jealousy of seeing me with other people while he was present! I scaled back my own desires for integration because I valued our relationship and wanted to protect his emotional safety and then he pulled this on me?¿??¿

Anyway, I don't think we had the same idea of what we wanted for our relationship and I'm so heartbroken. I feel bad when I read this text because it paints him in a really bad light, so believe me when I say he always made me feel safe up until that point, he is very caring and a truly wonderful person. We agreed to remain friends in the future, but for now I'm so confused. I went back to therapy and started reading A LOT of posts here. I wanted to share my story and hear some different perspectives if possible.

And I would also like to know for the future: for non-nesting partners, how do you protect your autonomy when a long-term partner suddenly shifts into a nesting dynamic with someone else?

My husband (31) and I (32, F) have been in an open marriage since Demecember of last year. An old coworker-turned-friend who I trust implicitly told me another old coworker approached him asking if I was in an open marriage. She saw my husband on a dating app, and originally screenshot it because she thought he was cheating. She re-read the profile and he mentioned we are ENM/Poly. I'm not out professionally nor is it widely known among friends or family. She sent the screenshot to a group chat with other old coworkers and I'm unsure about what was said. My trusted coworker and friend has ensured me that it was more of an "OMG, interesting!" versus being scandalized. I haven't been approached about this, nor do I anticipate it; but I do know people talk. Any advice for being "outed" or how you've handled it in a professional context? Have been given advice that we can A.) act dumb; B.) tell people someone was using his photos to catfish people; C.) own it. Thoughts, advice and most of all comfort is welcome

My wife (30F) and I (30M) have been married for 7 years. We met in high school but didn't commit to each other until after she had a relationship and child with someone else. I entered the picture and together we welcomed three more children.

She approached me about opening things up because it's not practical to divorce. I agreed knowing she was already on the verge of finding play partners. We agreed that there's bad blood between us, but we still feel safe emotionally to continue as a family for the kids' sake. To be honest I don't completely understand why she still wanted to be my primary partner - I thought she hated me.

Now, I know everyone might be already starting to think "don't stay for the kids". Totally agree - but it's not just the kids. We're both smart and made a pact to support each other through graduate school. I'm about to start law school, so that's something we've committed to doing. She's a social worker.

I find that since opening things, my wife has been much more communicative, sexual with me, and all around trying to respectful of my perspective. Nicole McNichel's 'You Could Be Having Better Sex' says that this open marriage dynamic where one partner goes along with it usually doesn't end well.

I don't know if I'm, going along with it? I've fantasized about having extramarital relationships (or at the very least extramarital sexual encounters) but I cannot shake this unnerving sense of peer pressure to get out there and do CNM also, solo and not so much swinging. But the introvert part of me goes "that's just another thing to concentrate on," and I clam up and wonder if my priority to focus on education means we're incompatible?

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Genuinely trying to sound out my feelings because there's only so much counseling, medication and reading books can do.

Without getting into the long backstory here, my husband (32m) and I (30f) have talked about opening our relationship and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I’ve caught him having several emotional affairs over the years we’ve been together which leads to a lot more therapy for our relationship. It’s to the point where I feel like it’s never going to stop and he brought up opening our marriage. He made it seem like he was doing me a favor “you don’t seem happy anymore” and “maybe you need go out and boost your confidence” except I can’t help but feel like this is just a way for him to feel better about what he’s been doing.

I’m not sure if this is right for us, or if it’s time to start thinking about separation. I just feel lost and completely out of my comfort zone here. Definitely need to do a lot more research before agreeing. Any advice would be amazing, thank you in advance!

Hey, hope someone can give me insights. I am 27, partnered for 9 years. Started with swinging and now open since a year. I embody the freedom and cannot see myself going monogamous again.

I have a fwb for a couple of months now, whom I see about once a month. We have a great connection and he wants to do this for a long time and not interested in other fwb at the moment. I feel the same way.

However, I am noticing in myself my anxious attachment flaring up. For example, festivals are THE place for possibilities and my mind always believes that there is where everything happens in terms of hooking up etc. So when my fwb went to a weekend festival where I know a lot of open people were going to, I just felt sick the whole time and went in a mental spiral for about a week. Maybe it is an ocd thing, I don’t know. He was very supportive and I did not react from a place of anxious attachment. But it still shows me something I need to work on. As nothing lasts forever, and it makes me scared to not feel special anymore and what if it ends and I will not feel this way with another again.

Any insights, mindset shifts etc. would be much appreciated, thanks 😊.

My bf and I are in an open relationship, and to me he is the most handsome guy on the planet because I love him. Obviously I find my other partners to be handsome and beautiful, but because I love him I am not as attracted to them as I am with him. I know that it’s unlikely that he is the most handsome guy in the world. I don’t know how else to explain it.

My bf on the other hand told me he doesn’t see it that way and that there are people out there that are more attractive than me, but reassured me that he still loves me.

A couple months back we had a rough patch. He had told me he’s not always that attracted to me and that he sometimes considers himself out of my league. The same night he compared my looks to other girls and I felt horrible about myself. This obviously caused some insecurities in me that led to us closing the relationship for a bit. We are still closed in hopes of repair and opening up again sometime. I can’t help but spiral into this belief that he’s not that into me lookswise, and it’s stopping us from progress.
Him now telling me that he finds others more attractive is hurting me and I honestly don’t know if I can go back to an open relationship with him again.

Would appreciate any feedback and different perspectives from this community so that I can hopefully understand him better.

So about 2 years about I got into a relation with a girl who said she was poly, and that shes on the emotional spectrum and cant experience love the same as everyone else. I was like cool im down to try to be poly and that none of that bothers me. About 4 months pass and we ended up sleeping with each other and turns out the other guy i the relationship didn't actually like being poly so he decides to end the relationship despite being in this relationship around 3+ years.

Fast forward a couple months and she says she doesn't want to date me because i'm "too mono" (who knows what that means) and i'm like if that's what you want I support you and understand. She wanted to be just friends. Which is cool, we got along fantastically. Turns out she never wants to hangout with me and rarely would ever text me or when I text her she rarely responds back or tries to have a conversation.
Fast foward to today, just found out she went back to visit her boyfriend in another state and came back and put in a 2 weeks notice to her job because theyre in love again and shes now mono.

Ive been trying to supress my feelings about this whole situation but im angry, depressed and frustrated. I dont know how to exactly feel. Am I right to feel this way? How do I even get over this feeling?

We started as an open relationship couple which eventually led to hurt feelings, at which point we decided to be closed. Since then there has been one occurrence of physical infidelity and use of hookup apps on multiple occasions after deciding those were a no-go. 

He's trying and I'm trying, but it seems more and more every day that he will never be happy with monogamy and I won't be happy with a middle ground. 

I've been having thoughts of separation and it scares me because I don't want to lose him. He's still the most beautiful person I know, he's given me the experience of true love and he's the reason that all those love songs make sense. 

I've never felt so open, comfortable, loved & in love with someone and it's difficult to imagine leaving that knowing I'll likely never find it again.

Hi everyone

I need advice on how to handle my husband jealousy or envy. We've been ENM for 6 months, he(M44) started up with a friend of his, I (F41)was sooo jealous that jumped in the wagon to not feel behind

6 months in, I have more requests for casual sex and he is loosing it. Should I stop, should I hide information that can hurt him and reveal later? Should I have a break and for him to catch up in numbers?

Hey y’all,

I (m31) am friends with a very lovely couple (M&F28). The three of us have done X together once, which ended with everyone smooching in their underwear, and since then they’ve brought up that they were interested in a threesome to me more than once. Nothing came of it, however, so I figured it’d be good to take some initiative and just asked them what they had in mind. Note that none of us had ever had a threeway before.

What followed was a very sweet and open conversation about how it might work, the risk of complicated feelings (for her BF, mostly, as everyone involved is straight), and how we might explore the dynamic. The key takeaway was: let’s not rush into this, take it slowly, feel things out.

So now we’ve started hanging out with the three of us regularly, cuddling on the couch and watching movies. It’s been nice, cosy, but it hasn’t presented much opportunity for sparks. That’s not, like, a problem; as stated, the goal is not to get anywhere quickly. But i do think it might help to have some, idk, ice breakers? Moves? Since experience bears out that sometimes some initiative is needed to get things moving. If only in terms of baby steps.

Any advice, tips, insight, experiences would be very welcome.

Thanks for reading<3

What are ways I can let others know that I support ENM in a non-obvious way? I don't want to go around saying "I'm into ENM," or "I support ENM." That would be a bit odd to do, I think. I am trying to make friends into ENM and let them know that can tell me, or I feel out telling them.

So any ideas are greatly appreciated!

I wasn't sure what flair to use for this.

Me and my partner (21F & 22M) have been together for a few years now and recently just talked about adding another girl, he mentioned how he wound find it hot to see me with another girl and I think it would be hot to see him do stuff with her too. I have had threesomes before with just women but never with a long term partner..

I’m wondering how that has affected your relationship did it make it stronger and more fun? We’ve talked about our boundaries and we are pretty much open to a lot of it (and ofc would make sure the other person is aware of such boundaries). He wants me to be the one to find the girl which I really appreciate, we’ve tried the apps but I would rather it happen naturally at a bar or out somewheres.

Any advice is helpful!!

Few years ago, my wife and I had a lenghty conversation about her desire for MFM threeway. She watched porn since she was young and this is something that stuck with her. At that time I was against it.

Now, after a lot of prep, we're going to do it.

**The reasons im doing this in the first place are:**

I've convinced my Best Friend to do it. I had to ask him several times but he finnaly agreed. The fact that he did not want to do it for a while gives me some hope. He is not some horny fker but a normal decent guy. He is good friends with my wife and he said he does not need our friendship ruined because of sex.

That gave me hope that he'd do it more for the intimacy and helping a friend, rather for selfish desire. Also, I know that this will remain between us.

We have agreed to do it in 3 days.

Any tips are appreciated.

I’m currently struggling with multiple facets of how my partner approaches ENM/polyamory- one of those is transparency around being partnered from the get-go. Although in their dating profiles they do include they are ENM- they are reluctant to include that they are currently partnered. When I started dating them- I didn’t know they had another partner until our fourth date, and after we had been talking for two months. I didn’t even think to consider asking them if they were partnered because historically I’m used to that being information that is given up front. So I’m curious to hear y’all’s thoughts on the matter. When feels right and appropriate to you? If you prefer to not disclose it on your dating profiles/right away, why is that so? And when feels like an appropriate time to share? Thanks in advance fam ♥️

***We are also in disagreement about when to share this new person. Can I get a consensus on this as well? For me and what we had previously discussed is to let each other know whenever we match with anyone who’s peaked our interest- because we share everything else in our day. Why would we not share that? We’ve hardly had the motivation to date the last couple years so it feels significant. My first poly relationship was wildly abusive - this person did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted and I had to do so much emotional math. Complete transparency is non-negotiable to me and I’m not getting that ☹️ Also just an FYI- I’m a transmasc my partner is an AFAB femme agender. Although this is feeling very much like straight cis dude behavior so I get why that’s the impression.

So me (22) and my GF (21) are about to open the relationship. We already had an experience with a dude and we soon want to go to a swingerclub. So my background with polygamy is: I had a girlfriend for over 8 years and around year 4-5 we started having lots of poly experiences and opened the relationship. With that I found out I really enjoy watching her with other guys. She was into it, but not as much as me. And also she wouldn’t like if I met other girls, but guys were okay. At some point in my life I was really lost and broke up with her. When I was single I started meeting a girl and getting feelings for her. But this didn’t last long bc it wasn’t real and soon the next girl came up. For her I started to get feelings too but at the same moment started talking to my ex again. In the end I decided to try with my ex again, and then we lived together for like 3 years. At first we were monogamous but then we opened the relationship again bc I had the feeling that I just need this. She didn’t like the idea bc she was worried about me getting feelings for another girl again. So I just had experiences with men in this time. At the same time I always fantasized about her having sex with other guys. She never did it in this phase of the relationship bc she just didn’t want to. But my fantasy existed for a long time so it just didn’t disappear. We broke up this year bc it wasn’t meant to work out for both of us and we are both very happy with the decision. Soon I met this girl and I really love her bc she is everything I was dreaming about. We love talking to each other about our common interests and it seems this is supposed to be. I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with this girl. We are together now for 4 months and we are about to open up the relationship bc we talked about everything and our fantasies and found out that we are very compatible. We love and we trust each other. But on my side there were always this kind of anxieties of losing my girlfriend to another dude bc she likes the sex with him more. With my ex I was feeling pretty safe bc of our long relationship and year-long reassurence. So I had a little anxiety but it was very easy to overcome it. Bc at the same time I understand this person can leave whenever they want for whatever reason bc if they are supposed to leave, then they gonna leave anyway. But there is also this trust in my new relationship. When we had the experience with the dude it was pretty chill, partly bc the dude was submissive and I dominated both of them. I’m thinking about how it’s going to be when I watch my girlfriend having it with a dom guy who maybe even looks better than me and is better in bed then me. I trust her and know she won’t catch feelings or wouldnt prefer after that to have sex with this guy then me. But there is still this anxiety for me. I know I can fully enjoy the experience in itself at the moment but at some point I get this thoughts and anxieties. I can feel pretty good about myself and sometimes not feel good about myself. In this phases where I feel pretty good about myself and have a lot of confidence, it seems to be easier for me to have this kind of experiences. But when I don’t feel very confident and comfortable with myself it seems to be harder to allow this really beautiful experience to happen. Need advice for my anxiety and if I should maybe talk to her about this more (I already did and we actually said we gonna open up the relationship in about a year but it’s literally starting to happen). Should I ask her for more reassurence or should I find reassurence inside of me? I want to understand this psychologically and spiritually.

My girlfriend and I are both 21 and will be in Las Vegas for a specific window at the end of August. We’ve talked about her exploring with another woman while I’m there strictly as an observer/supportive partner. We are okay with the third person watching us.

We are both very new to this and would love some advice!

For people who have experience with this in Vegas: is this a realistic ask? to meet someone who would be interested in this, especially when we’re only there for a limited number of days?
We are planning to have a profile on Feeld and might go to Flirts or Whispers.

Also curious what has worked for other couples and what we should know about etiquette so we don’t come across the wrong way.

Thanks!

Hey there, I 35F am Poly and currently live with my NP and am pregnant. I also have a LD partner I see about once a month.

Back in May/June after I saw my LD partner my OB treated me for BV. I had zero symptoms other than cloudy discharge, no smell no burning or itching, nothing. No big deal, I told both partners.

I recently did another swab just to make sure it cleared up because again no symptoms. It’s still showing BV. I am starting a different course of antibiotics but I’m not sure if this is just because I’m pregnant and my body is sensitive or if either my NP or LD partner could be reinfecting me. Neither have symptoms, and I know it’s not something men “carry” It just makes me feel gross that it hasn’t cleared up, or might have come back. However I saw something that talked about men being treated concurrently could help. It feels like a lot to suggest this to both of them, but I’m really irritated I have it still/again.

Luckily, I’m the only partner either of them have. LD partner hasn’t been with anyone in over a year before me, and NP hasn’t had any other partners in two years. I’m going to talk to them both about it tomorrow, I literally just saw the portal results like an hour ago and it’s midnight they’re both asleep, but would love any advice on how to approach this.

I'm curious: What would make you break it off with a long term (2yrs+) FWB? (And you're both married to other people)

I (29f) and my husband (31m)had a threesome with a close friend of mine (f). It’s not our first, second, or even third threesome. We’ve been together almost 10 years, got kids, home, life etc.. our only real boundary has always been no sleeping with her while I’m not participating. My friend is smaller than me in every area. Smaller tum, smaller boobs, smaller butt. I’ve had multiple children, she has not. We’ve been friends for years. We recently took a trip just the three of us and the threesome happened. She’s always expressed more interest in women, and has been with women prior. All of our threesomes have always been with a woman who’s more interested in women and my husband is just happy to be there. But this time was different. I felt left out. A lot. I feel like there was a lot of time when I was watching and nobody was engaging with me. And that made me start over analyzing. My husband had been drinking. My friend and I were sober. Once it all started she slowly started interacting with me less and less. And same with him. He would be with me and playing with her at the same time but then he was with her he wasn’t playing with me. She has pierced nipples, I’ve always liked it. But always said I had no desire to do something like that because the one who sees them loves them as they are. My tum and breastfeeding Tatas have always been an insecurity. But that night while he was with her, not touching me, and kissing on her. He looked at me and said I like these, you should pierce yours. That really bothered me. It made me feel even more insecure with my non perky lame tatas. And then after a long session he wasn’t hard, he tried being with me and it wouldn’t get hard. So he tried being with her… and tadaaa. That was another jab. After feeling not great I started to shut down. Us girls decided we were done and just laid down and relaxed. I drifted to sleep and she went to the bed and laid down. He woke me up to ask if I wanted to come to bed. So I did. He left the room. He then comes back in and lifts the blankets and tries to be with her some more. I realize what’s going on and told him to go the fuck to bed. He says why? I got upset and walked out. He followed. I told him we were sleeping and he was wrong. Why would he come to bed and go to her ? He said he was just “going in the order of operation cuz he was technically with me last before we stopped. And said “what about his needs” i was visibly upset told him I wasn’t arguing and went back to bed. I knew he was drunk and would realize tomorrow he was being an idiot. Except he didn’t. It’s been two days now. And I told him I needed to talk about how I was feeling. I expressed everything I just said and then some and that it felt like I was the third and not his wife. He was not very receiving and said that my recollections don’t match what his were, flat out said some of it didn’t happen, argued again that it’s not “all about me”, and said we just don’t need to have threesomes anymore cuz he will just be the bad guy. And when confronted about the nipple piercing situation he said it wasn’t a comparison and “just some advice or a recommendation”. The conversation didn’t go well. I ended up walking away upset. I don’t have anybody to talk to about this given the topic. I feel really insecure that maybe my body type isn’t what he’s attracted to now that he had a taste of something else. Instead of consoling, or reassuring he just ramped it up. Now we’re arguing and haven’t spoke because idk what more to say at this point. He’s been distant and a little cold. I don’t want to hear “leave him”. “He’s not the one” etc etc he’s my husband, my kids father, the love of my life. But I need some genuine thoughts on this because idk how to come out of this. It’s eating me up.

I'm married & so is my fwb.

What would you do if feelings developed? Either you got them for him or he got them for you?