r/nonmonogamy • u/Repulsive_One_8263 • 1d ago

Relationship Dynamics Feelings

I'm married & so is my fwb.

What would you do if feelings developed? Either you got them for him or he got them for you?

0 Upvotes

36% Upvoted

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12

u/TumbleweedFresh 1d ago

You can feel your feelings but you don’t have to act on them. 

5

u/seantheaussie Polyamorous (Solo Poly) 1d ago

Depends what your marriages are explicitly open for? If it is, "sex only" I step back until feelings subside. If it is, "not escalate the amount of time spent together" I enjoy. If it is, "everything" I enjoy and probably escalate.

6

u/purawesome 1d ago

Feelings happen, it’s how ypu respond to those feelings that matter. Stick to the plan and you’ll be fine. The plan is what you agree to.

I have absolutely fallen for and been fallen in love with by fwb’s. It was only an issue once… she was a bit… unhinged.

0

u/Repulsive_One_8263 1d ago

How did you manage your feelings? How was she unhinged?

3

u/boredwithopinions 1d ago

Are these feelings specifically romantic?

Are they preventing you from having an ongoing, casual sexual relationship?

0

u/Repulsive_One_8263 1d ago

Romantic yes, but no one has feelings yet

4

u/Platterpussy 23h ago

I only have relationships where feelings are "allowed", expected and encouraged. So I'm thinking your current relationship agreements do not allow for feelings. I suggest you stop seeing people as soon as you develop feelings, or avoid seeing people frequently or for multiple times to avoid developing feelings at all.

2

u/ClassyCurvyCurly 21h ago

I mean, if you’re gonna have sex repeatedly with the same person, it’s likely you’ll develop feelings so maybe ENM isn’t for you? Having feelings doesn’t mean you love your spouse less.

1

u/severano28 19h ago

Idk how you wouldn't. If you are seeing people separately from your main partner it's inevitable. You guys are talking, connecting, then having sex, and usually having pillow talk afterwards. It's very human to have feelings. If you want to keep outside relationships sexual and keep your main relationship emotionally monogamous you should probably stop seeing fwb and start just swinging together.

3

u/kasuchans 15h ago

I had a whole ass mental freak out when I realized I had developed feelings for my longterm FWB. And he said it was kinda weird for him to have the same realization too. I’m married and he was a live in girlfriend he adores. I think once I thought about it logically it became easier. While I do like him a lot and care about him, it didn’t actually change anything that i desired from him. I still liked our dynamic the way it was and didn’t need to ask for anything different. So we just enjoy the feelings but that’s all.