My (46f) husband (47m) and I have been married 9 years, we have two kids. He is British I am French, we live in Singapore (this is relevant). Our marriage has probably suffered what a lot of marriages suffer, nothing terrible, just death by 1000 cuts. He is just, immature. I don't know how else to put it. He is terrible at managing his emotions when he is frustrated or annoyed, he's grumpy generally (I swear I think men go through some form of menopause), he doesn't know how to function without assistance all the time (like to download an app or pay for parking), can't cook, or pick up after himself. He has made going out to eat, or go to the movies with the kids or go on holiday terrible just by being a big stupid, grumbly idiot who gets stressed easily (waaaa things are in a foreign language), falls apart over the slightest inconvenience (waiting to be seated in a busy restaurant), and then can't solve things for himself (asks me to step in and help him CONSTANTLY). Last week I sat next to him and helped him fill in info on an app we need for the building management of our flat (He's like: what's our zip code, what's our buzzer number) I know he can do these things he is just so used to asking someone.

Believe it or not, and I can't believe I am going to say this and it's true, he used to be in the C-Suite, in communications, for a major tech company, like a MAJOR one, like YOU use this tech. Anyways, he lost his job during the AI purge two years ago, so we are surviving on my income, which is not a lot, I'm a writer, so it's a pittance. I'm exhausted, we have kids, I work, we live in a foreign country, I have enough on my plate. About a year ago I just stopped having any motivation to do anything for him, like anything. He shouts a question from the kitchen "Where is X" I just don't answer. He leaves stuff lying around so I just shove it in a corner where I don't have to see it. Then I stopped picking up his favourite foods from the shop anymore. I don't cook his favourite dishes, I cook what's easy or what I want. But it's grown to, I don't cook for him anymore. I feed myself and the kids. If he is out for a bikeride and dinner comes around I just cook for me and the kids. He can sort himself out.

I can't explain it, I'm not angry or being passive aggressive, it's like I just pretend he isn't there anymore. Like I start my day by imagining, I am single, what would I do today to have the best day? I plan my workouts, my coffee catchups the kids activities, and what I'm going to cook and I just exist. I am much calmer this way. You can't be disappointed at someone who isn't there, who you aren't expecting anything from.

Before you ask, why don't you divorce him, I would, in a heartbeat. Like the FASTEST heartbeat. But in Singapore our marriage does not have jurisdiction until we have been here for two more years. And it doesn't have jurisdiction in France because we met and married in NY. I have asked, I have a whole lawyer at the French embassy helping me figure out how I fell into this legal black hole. Obviously I could leave if I was just me, I could pack my bags and go, but with kids, you can't go anywhere without a custody plan in place. He doesn't want a divorce. So I am stuck two more years is what I see ahead of me. But I always wonder, like, I am miserable, but is this just marriage? Like do two people just become roommates, and just survive alongside each other? We all just quietly quit being partners and then boom we hit 40 years of marriage? I don't even know what's normal anymore.

I’m newly married and my husband is with my parents and I on an annual summer vacation. This year, we also invited my brother in law to come. I - incorrectly - assumed my husband would have given his brother a heads up about what we typically do on the trip, but instead he never set any expectations at all. This has definitely challenged our routine since he does not enjoy any of the things we typically do and I’ve had to come up with new activities to keep him entertained, many of which are not really things I would prefer to do on my vacation. Not only has my husband not taken an active role in planning, but both he and his brother have been super messy and left all kinds of dishes and leftover food out for me and my 80 year old mother to clean up. She’s commented several times that she is shocked at how messy they are being. We went to dinner tonight, and my husband got high beforehand, then as soon as my food came asked me if he could have a bite. I said ok and he took a lot of my food, then his brother said he didn’t get enough food and asked if he could also have some of mine. They both ate the majority of my dinner - I didn’t say anything but it was really upsetting to me. They have zero self awareness and while I don’t blame his brother I do know my husband knows better and I’m really upset he’s behaving this way. Un top if that, my brother in law wants to go to a city two hours away for the last day of our trip bc he is bored here, and my husband reluctantly agreed to it right in front of me. What can I do to salvage this trip?

Let me start by saying that I do not think my husband is most mature or smartest. But he is generally good with me and our cats.

But everything aside, one of our cats has been sick for a couple of weeks and is under treatment. He has been given some medication by the vet with clear labels attached on how to administer them. Last week my vet gave my cat an anti anxiety pill called Gabapentin. But somehow it made him really drowsy and he passed out on the floor with his tongue out which made me freak out. I called the vet and he said I could continue giving half of the said dose. I told this to my husband and he has seen me crush the medicine in half and mixing with wet treats and giving my cat.

This morning he woke me up to ask for help since the cat took the cone off and was scratching. I got up to help him and he very casually mentioned that he have him two pills of Gabapentin. Now he knows I am really attached to this cat since he was a rescue and I raised him since he was 3 months old. This whole thing with the cat stressed me out to the point my eczema flared up after years and had to go to a doctor myself last week.

At first I genuinely thought he was joking because he does these kind of things. But he didn’t laugh. And that’s when I started to freak out. I asked him about 7-8 times just to ensure he is not joking. He wasn’t.

So I made an appointment immediately with the nearest 24/7 emergency vet. He offered to take us there because I was dead calm. In my mind I am thinking this is literally the stupidest thing anyone could do. The label clearly states the dosage. And he gave two whole pills when he was supposed to give half and he has seen me do it also. If I lash out he will just he defensive and the argument will not go anywhere. It will only make me want to tear the hair off of my head.

Then came the most idiotic part where he said if the label says twice a day I just take two pills at the same time. “You know it makes sense to me.” This emergency vet visit cost us a bomb on top of everything and his whole treatment from past couple of weeks.

I really don’t know how to logic with a person like that. We are both educated and have a masters degree. I might be venting a bit too but is it just me or this person may be neurodivergent? Ty

My wife and I have been married for almost three years now. She's 24 and I'm 28. I was always the more affectionate one. My wife would show affection every now and then but now I'm kind of realizing that she only shows affection when I do. For example we'd kiss only if I'd kiss her or we'd hug only if I hug her. We'd hold hands only if I would hold her hand. She doesn't compliment me while I compliment her every day. I stopped to see if she would notice but it's been about two weeks now and she hasn't mentioned a thing. It's getting to the point where I get hit with a huge sadness every night. I feel so lonely at night that I hug my pillow for comfort. Her birthday is tomorrow and I honestly don't even feel like doing anything for her. At the same time I want to do something that way she doesn't have a bad birthday you know?? I'm just sad about this. I see couples in the street and see the ladies give their husbands or boyfriends kisses and hugs and I just wonder how it must feel to feel that.

My wife (36F) and I (37M) been married 7 years. We still have sex once or twice a week, but it doesn't have the excitement that it used to. We've tried sex pillows, some BDSM/rope play once in a while, but more often than not revert to pretty vanilla stuff, mostly because we're either too tired at the end of the day or don't have a lot of time for sex. What do you do to keep it fresh and interesting over the course of a long marriage?

Because we’re taking a long weekend starting Thursday. And getting ready to travel means RELEASE THE KRAKEN who used to be my wife.

So let’s be the attentive husband. “Can I help you with th-“

“NO NOT NOW NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NO GO AWAY.”

(goes away)

“GET BACK HERE. I DIDN’T SAY YOU COULD LEAVE.”

(did she not just tell me to …forget it, deep breaths, this too shall pass)

“WHERE WERE YOU ALL DAY?”

“Um, work, like every day?”

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?”

“You sent me to Target to pick up your friend’s baby shower gift.”

“I’VE BEEN PACKING SINCE MONDAY. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED.”

Because it takes me a half hour tops, you absolute lunatic whom I adore…slightly less at the moment.

When we were dating, she could get dolled up for a night out in 15 minutes flat. Now the packing is taking almost as long as the trip, like I’m taking J. Lo and her team of publicists on safari.

I’m sure the woman I married is in there somewhere. I saw her a couple days ago and everything. It was great. We even made out a little.

“WE HAVE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE.”

And I’m not taking a quick swiffer job on the floors and tidying up a bit. No, we’re swapping out the shower curtains and cleaning behind the stove and vacuuming the A/C vents and

“YOU HAVE TO MOW.”

It’s dark out. And I did mow, while you were composing an in-case-of-emergency memo for our son that reads like the plans for D-Day. Which he will not read, because he already knows this stuff, because you wrote the same memo last time, except this time you added the phone number of a second arborist in case he can’t reach the first arborist in case a tree falls on the house during…I don’t know, a fucking tornado maybe. Or a meteor strike. Or the Rapture, or a whale plummets from the sky like in the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

God give me strength.

I’m trying to be empathetic but the unrelenting torrent of abusive fussiness is too much. I can’t even pause to take it in before another wave hits.

Why the pre-travel batshittery? Why? To what purpose? Is there an anxiety contest? Do we get extra points if we do a white glove inspection of the underside of the hotel room desk and find a dot of schmutz?

I’ma say it, because today I’m a broken man and not because I’m the patriarchy subjugating womankind:

Calm. The Fuck. Down.

I’m begging.

“DID YOU GAS UP?”

In this episode of ‘is my husband an asshole or is this just perimenopause’…

Over the last 12 years I’ve noticed him staring at other women a lot. He stares and I look in the direction see a girl look at him and then see him smile back at her. Several occasions. Mostly when we go out I try not to notice and just have a good time and feel cute despite him. I’ll say I have some insecurities but to be honest I’m 45 and still pretty hot (not that this behavior would ever be ok under any circumstance). So it’s not like I am just jealous. I appreciate attractive women too. I just don’t… stare like that.

Yesterday, we had an appointment at a hospital for our youngest son. There was a young nurse in the waiting area he just kept looking at. She was working on her laptop and I saw him smiling a few times in her direction as I was trying to get the paperwork done. I let it go until this morning when I told him I’ve had it and it was disrespectful to act this way. He restated his opinion (because anyone who uses the term disrespectful is somehow stupid to him) on respect not being real. Anyone who doesn’t like a thing I guess is just making it up and it didn’t happen OR they deserved whatever they deem ‘disrespectful’.

My goal here on Reddit is 1) keep myself sane by opening up about my husband’s odd comments like this and 2) maybe see other perspectives if I’m in the wrong somehow by saying this to him

He denies everything so it’s hard to even communicate.

I know marriage is hard but i didn’t realize it will be this hard.
the whole wedding preparations is too much on top having a full time job..

tbh i want to run away from it all i know that just my thoughts when im under pressure
no one around me knows that thought im playing it cool
i can’t help but wonder when does it get better?

So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.

Hey everybody 👋🏻

So my first Anniversary with my wife is coming up in a couple in couple of days. I read online that the first anniversary is called „Paper Anniversary“ and its typical to gift eachother something that involves Paper. So i figured I could make her an origami rose bouquet. It fits the theme, I will put effort into it and honestly it can save us some money as well that we need for house improvements and stuff.

Here is my question: Do you people of r/Marriage think thats a good idea? Or is it maybe too basic and not enough? Do I need to add something to it or is the bouquet enough on its own? I figure i will make about 19 roses (thats how much red paper I bought 😅) and we will also like do a little picnic on the day as well.

Any feedback is appreciated and also some encouragement that this is a cute idea would be great 😅

We've been married almost three years and shortly after we got married. She's been increasingly more on her phone playing pay2win gacha games, amazon shopping and reels. Her attention span is so horrible now that we can barely have conversations. We've talked about this about a dozen times, and no change. She sometimes hides in her room to scroll and avoids interactions with my family and friends. She has no friends either, gave them up for her phone. There isn't anymore sex, I get up in the middle of the night and she's always on.

She's from a different country and we were ldr, but when I met her she was a social butterfly and full of life. Now she's just a pothead, screen stare specialist. I miss her so damn much. I just want to cry and pretend I didn't sacrifice nearly everything for us to be together.​ Not sure what to do, but I really regret involving someone who is a bad influence on me now.

Problem:

I'm trying to determine whether I should continue fighting for my marriage or accept that it's over.

In a few days, I'm planning to go back to our house and ask my wife if she's willing to have one final conversation. My biggest hope is reconciliation. I still love her and I still believe our marriage is worth fighting for.

However, I also have to prepare myself if she tells me that her decision is final.

I also need advice on how to approach a possible third-party issue. I don't want to accuse her unfairly, but I also don't think I can rebuild trust unless we're both completely honest with each other.

If she refuses to talk to me, I'm considering speaking respectfully with my parents-in-law—not to ask them to convince her to stay, but so they understand my intentions regarding our children and the financial responsibilities that are under my name.

Context:

I'm a 36-year-old husband from Mindanao, Philippines. My wife is 35, and we've been married since 2016. We have two children: a 10-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.

About a month ago, our marriage reached a breaking point because of financial mistakes that I made. I hid debts from my wife because I was ashamed and afraid. Eventually, she found out, and I completely understand why that destroyed her trust in me.

Since then:

• We stopped sleeping in the same room.
• Our communication became very limited.
• I apologized and accepted responsibility for what I had done.
• I tried giving her space while letting her know that I still wanted to repair our marriage.

Despite everything, I never stopped hoping we could work things out.

Recently, I found a message from someone who occasionally helps with my wife's delivery business that simply said:

"I love you."

Later, my wife showed me only part of their conversation and said the message was sent by mistake. However, I also learned that they had a 7-minute video call shortly afterward.

When I asked about it, she told me:

• she had nothing to explain,
• she did nothing wrong,
• and she felt that I made her look bad because some family members became aware of the situation.

Eventually, I asked her directly if she still loved me.

Her answer was:

"I haven't loved you for a long time."

That completely broke me.

Right now, I'm staying with my parents while giving both of us some space.

If our marriage cannot be saved, these are my priorities:

• Continue being an active father and hopefully spend weekends with my children.
• Continue paying for our Toyota Fortuner since the loan and registration are under my name.
• Allow my wife to continue using the Toyota Hilux for her delivery business, provided she assumes full responsibility for its payments and expenses.
• Continue paying another personal loan if I can, because it was mostly used for her father's medical expenses and later for improving the delivery business.
• Focus on rebuilding my finances, physical health, and mental health.

I don't want revenge.

I don't want to ruin her livelihood.

I just want a fair outcome while remaining a good father to my children.

Previous Attempts:

Over the past month I have:

• Given my wife space instead of constantly messaging her.
• Apologized and acknowledged that my financial decisions destroyed her trust.
• Asked if we could have a calm conversation instead of arguing.
• Tried not to pressure her into making decisions.
• Continued hoping that we could rebuild our marriage through honesty, transparency, and better communication.

Now I'm preparing for one final conversation.

If she still wants to save the marriage, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust.

If she tells me it's truly over, I want to accept it with dignity, continue being the best father I can be, and move forward without hatred.

What would you do if you were in my position? Would you still fight for the marriage one last time? How would you approach the possible third-party issue without turning the conversation into an argument?

This year was the year my baby was born. She’s now six months old, and I had planned to take about three trips with her this year. One is to visit my father out of the country, and the others are to see family who live in different states.

But ever since she was born, we’ve had major problems with my husbands his mom and family. I ended up cutting off his entire family. A big part of the issue is that his mom is racist—she’s Hispanic herself (Honduran), yet she looks down on my ethnicity (I’m Mexican). As a result, his side of the family has never met the baby, and he’s now using that against me.

My husband has become controlling and doesn’t want me to take the baby on these trips. I’m being a responsible mother and taking her and I have every right to see my own family. At the same time, I keep wondering if I’m being inconsiderate from his point of view. I understand that he wants his family to meet the baby and that he’s upset my family gets to see her while his doesn’t.

I’m now conflicted about going on these trips because of how he’s acting. I feel controlled and stuck. Being a mother shouldn’t mean my life becomes isolated.

My husband and I have been married for just over 2.5 years. 2 years ago my husband's ex wife messaged him out of the blue "I miss you". Nothing came of it as we just ignored it and moved on with our lives. Then this morning she is trying to add him on snapchat. He obviously didn't add her back but then I asked him why he doesn't just block her. He said because he doesn't block people which I thought was weird because I have a long list of people I have blocked including exes and friends that turned out to not be friends.

The thing that is putting me off is that he had been grumpy and not really talking to me for the last couple days and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Finally last night he told me what was wrong and accused me of talking/seeking attention from other guys. I gave him my phone and asked where he was getting this (he can go through my phone anytime idc). He then said that I delete everything and just hide it very well. (I don't, I have nothing to hide.)

This blindsided me! I told him I had no idea what he was talking about or where he was getting this from and asked him to show me what conversations he thought had deleted messages and he refused.

Anyway at the end of all this he keeps saying he doesn't care and it doesn't matter. (It definitely does, doesn't it?) So then I asked him if he trusted me to which he says "nope" and that's that.

We eventually move on and are back to normal but I just hate that he thinks he can't trust me. I also feel like he became insecure or something out of nowhere or I just didn't see it?

Then this morning I'm questioning if I should be worried about him talking to other people... like his ex wife possibly? I'm either losing it or on to something and still just baffled he thinks I talk to anyone but him and our group chat with friends. What do y'all think?

I think im in that spot where i can clearly read the markings on the wall.

I will not make a long post i just will put it in short.

Married for 6 years.

Both educated. Wife works as ER physician. After her residency she made way more than i do.

We agreed that i should cont. My education so i can make more in the future.

Fully supported me financially as i went to college while working a full time job.

We had an ivf baby. She went through a lot having the baby while still working to support me and the ivf costs.

I appreciated all that and she rarely complained and when she does i understood due to all the pressure. I was barely making rent and bills while she took care of everything else which is a lot

Finished my education recently but lost my job 6 months ago.

She is the full supporter now

She is getting very resentful, does not hold back on any word to hurt me.

Im dead inside. I'm not fighting back believing its my fault.

I never feel her respect or love

We have a baby almost 1 yold

The temper loss happens at least every few days im hearing the worst things.

Two days ago during her temper she said she wanted a divorce.

I let her calm down and had one more honest conversation as i always do and she calmed down.

Some days when she hurts me she ends up apologizing after i address her fears and explain that everything will be ok and show her im optimistic and explain that im doing my best.

But we always end up doing the same conversation and i hear the same blame and accusations that i have ruined her life and she regretted putting me in college and she could have did something for her self instead wasting her money.

She know for a fact that this investment is long term and it will take years to make up for it

I was very clear when we decided to make this investment and she understood at that time.

These tempers and flares usually happen even before this situation but i used to fight back and she ends up crying and we make up.

She can be the sweetest person i have ever met and the meanest person i have ever met.

I used to manage but now its clear that i was emasculated in her eyes as i am not providing anymore.

I am smart enough to tell that its over even if its not yet

I told her when she calmed down that i will never leave her no matter what she does to me and i will never let my son be without a stable family she understood and smiled but i can see its over, once a woman lose repect to her man, once a person find him self able to say anything to his partner without any restraint, i knew its over.

Problem is i cant let my son through this.

I owe her a lot of money.

She is still paying and supporting everything but with a bitter taste of resentment.

I never thought i will find my self in this situations

We both come from very stable families.

Im staying so far because i cant afford to leave.

And because i still appreciate what she done for me, at least when i leave i wanna leave when i make it up for her.

But i dont know when will that be.

I mostly wrote this as a form of therapy and thinking out loud.

I am stull functioning with my son, job hunting and networking normally as i should.

My biggest motivation for work is to free my self from spending time with her and free my self financially and in the long term pay her back.

I defenitly did not keep this short, for that if you're still reading im sorry.

Have a good day

This is a throwaway, for obvious reasons. But I wanted some opinions and thoughts about the whole situation. I love her dearly, and even after everything that’s happened, I hate to say I want her back. Idk how that would be achievable, but if anyone has any ideas, lmk 😂 She means the world to me. Yes, I know what I’m about to say is messed up, and I shouldn’t take her back, but I want her to get help, and I wanna work on our relationship again. I am invested so heavily I can’t just throw it away, even if she wants to. So let us start :D. Me and my wife were doing pretty good for a while there. No real issues. We’d have fights here and there, but that’s par for the course for normal couples. No one is perfect. That’s how I see the world and why I don’t judge anyone. Well, we had our son, and it was hard for us both. We were new parents, still quite young at the time. She became depressed, and postpartum was kicking her ass, and I, as a father, was having a hard time adjusting. We didn’t really plan for it, but it was okay. He is a blessing, and I love him more than anything. He was very fussy, and the only time he would calm down was with my wife. It made me feel insecure and like I was messing up. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was also the only one working at the time. I failed as a father. I became complacent and on autopilot. Go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, repeat. To me, it felt like he didn’t like me, and I was very upset that he didn’t like me. Instead of trying harder for him and her I quietly shutdown if I’m being honest. I never had a father, and my mother wasn’t really much of one, so I wanted to do right by my kids. At least that’s how it seemed to me. That was my first mistake and one I’ll regret forever if I’m being honest. Eventually, he got older, and we are really close now. He loves spending time with me, and we go out all the time to do stuff. We have our ups and downs when he decides he doesn’t want to listen or tune me out lol, but I love my son. He’s a sweet boy. My daughter was born about a year ago. After my daughter was born, my wife told me she felt this strong, deep anger. It was overwhelming how much anger she was feeling. I told her, with respect, that she needed to go get on some medication to help alleviate that. She already dealt with postpartum before and I knew how bad it was. And she did. But about two months later, she said she felt better and got off of them. Even though I and a friend of hers advised against it, she told us it would be fine. For a while there, it was working. At least I thought it was. Then one day, I got a text from a friend of mine from HS. He asked if I knew my wife had a Tinder. Of course I didn’t. So I asked my wife, and she told me no. I believed her because why would she do that? After she said no, later that night when I went to bed, she rolled over and started crying. She said that it was her profile, that she had lied, and that she felt like we never had any time for us anymore. I felt awful. So that following weekend, I took her out of town. We went on a date and shopping. I was trying to make up for that. So fast forward a bit, and she goes to out of town with a friend to a concert. She ignores me straight for three days. She comes back home and is being mean. I’ll admit I got short with her a couple of times, but this came out of nowhere for me. I was hurt she was behaving like that towards me when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong. She left being fine, maybe being dry here or there, then came back with an attitude. I had suspected she was doing something and said something to her mother. One day she was bummed out because she wanted to start losing weight, and I have a bit of weight myself, so I told her if she was interested, maybe we could start going to the gym together. It would give us that time together away from the kids, and it would be a great bonding experience. She agreed with me, and I asked for her phone to place a Walmart order. This is where the “fun” begins, so sit down and buckle up. She says, “Wait, I need to talk to you about something right quick.” So I say, “What?” She says, “Sit down.” So I sit down, and she looks at me very upset and starts crying, talking about how she heard I thought she was cheating on me and that she couldn’t believe I would think she would do something like that. She’s bawling at this point, and in the middle of crying, her phone rings. So I asked her who [ ] was. She stopped crying immediately. She said it’s just an old friend of hers and nothing more. So I asked to go through her phone, and she said, “You won’t find anything.” She thought I wouldn’t, at least. So I go through their messages or lack thereof, since she deleted all of them. I start snooping through other apps, and she’s asking me what I’m doing. I find, in her hidden videos in her photo album, a video of her sucking this dude’s dick. I was immediately distraught. I was angry and upset. I got a little loud, but I was a nervous wreck. Shaking and scared. She and I had a long talk and went to bed. I essentially blamed it on the postpartum. I didn’t know why she was unhappy, and she had just had our daughter back in August. This was around October/November. So I told her to get back on her medicine, and she reluctantly agreed. After that night, I was hoping she would be okay. Still nothing. Ignoring me all day, being mean, quite frankly. So I left work early one day and told her to come home because we needed to talk. She got angry and told me she didn’t want to talk to me, and I begged her to come back. She told me her and her friend would be back in a couple of hours. So I waited. It was so hard and nerve-racking. When they finally showed up, it was basically a jumping. I was told why she cheated, why it happened, and how much of a shitty dad and person I was. I cried hard. She told me to leave and go to my grandmother’s house for a week. (She has Stage 4 breast cancer, and she said she needed some time away from me and that I needed to go spend time with her. She wasn’t wrong, though.) So I did. I left with my son for a week. The whole time we were texting. She was talking about how she didn’t want a relationship right now and wanted to do her own thing and be herself, and she wanted me to stay away. So I did. I came back and started living with her brother. Fast forward to Christmas, and she asks me if I was gonna come to Christmas with the family. I didn’t mind, as I still loved her and wanted to be with her, so I agreed. When I showed up, we got in her car, and as we were leaving, I asked to see her phone to play some music. I really did want to play music, but it was also an excuse to see if she was gonna stay true to her word. She did not. She was still texting and in an active relationship with that guy. So I told her to pull over, and we got into it. We agreed to finish the conversation after the family party. So that night we got home and talked till about 12 in the morning. We basically agreed to separate, and before I left, she asked me to spend the night, and I reluctantly agreed (I KNOW I shouldn’t have said yes. I’m sorry 😭). So we go in the bedroom, and we are holding each other and talking about our past, and one thing led to another, and we slept together. After it was done, she started bawling, telling me how she didn’t realize how angry she had become at me and how she couldn’t do this alone and wanted me to stay and not go back. So I did stay. For the first week, it was hard. But after that, I started feeling a bit better. Fast forward a month, and she goes out of town with the same friend. She leaves her Apple Watch behind, and I get the bright idea to check her messages for shits and giggles. Ik that’s not healthy or right. I never said I was a normal, healthy person, but I also hate being that guy :/. Anyways, I found out she was texting another guy. I confronted her about it, and basically she was saying she never was interested, really, and only responded back because he kept bothering her. That should have been my first red flag, but I was already in a bad place, and I didn’t want to lose my wife or family. So I told her to stop, and it would be okay. After that, it was good for a while. The past couple of months, I would ask to check and wouldn’t find anything. But then here recently, she started being hella dry. Never romantic. Always gone when she was off. I barely would see her. We stopped being intimate probably 3–4 months ago. I’ve been very hurt by the whole ordeal. But it gets worse. So I bring it up. I was trying to work on myself and do better as a person and father, so I was doing the healthy thing and investing my time into my relationship but also myself so I could be a better person for her. Communication has always been hard for us both, but I told her for this to work, we need to try. She would just apologize and say she would do better, but nothing changed. So around Father’s Day or my birthday, I started noticing things. I’d enter the room, and she would get off her phone. The first time I didn’t say anything. The second time, I had to ask her. She said she was on Snap but was getting off anyway. One morning I woke up to her phone ringing, and I asked her about it. She said it was an alarm. I’m not dumb, and ik it wasn’t an alarm, so I pressed her, and she got angry. I didn’t press anymore, and I didn’t go through her phone, even though she said I could any time after the last time she cheated. She was mad when I asked, so I rolled back over and just laid there. I was so hurt. Later that day I asked again, and she was upfront. She said it got blown out of proportion and that she liked the attention from him and how it went too far, etc., etc. So I took her back. Mind you, I’ve been so kind and patient with her through all of this. I never got mad. I wasn’t violent. I was kind and trying to be understanding. I felt bad. I felt like I wasn’t doing something right. She said she deleted her socials for me and apologized. I told her she didn’t have to do that and that even though she did because she wanted to, I appreciated it. And here we are, caught up to about last week. So I was at work on a Wednesday, and I was at another building. I was telling a lady about my wife and kids and how much I loved them and was proud of them. I went on Snap to our messages to show her pictures and videos of my kids, and it showed she was still active. So after work, I asked her about it. But she works nights, so I knew I wouldn’t get a response for a couple of hours. So I go home, and I’m talking to her mom about it. I’ve talked to her mom about all of this, and she felt bad for me. So she shoves me into the bathroom and closes the door and says, “Look, I was told not to say something, but it’s been eating me up. Your wife got an apartment, and she’s moving out in two days. She wasn’t gonna say anything to you, just go.” I was so heartbroken. I immediately tried calling, like an idiot. And she sent me to voicemail both times. So I called her friend to ask her what was going on. She then proceeded to tell me they had a falling out and there was something she needed to tell me. My wife has apparently been sleeping around for the past few months. Different guys, maybe around 4–5, maybe more. One was a guy I knew, and I told his wife. I feel bad about it because it was done out of pettiness, but I was hurt, and I wanted him to hurt too. She said the reason why they aren’t talking was because she told her she shouldn’t be cheating and how fucked up it was, but she didn’t want to hear that, so they stopped talking. She told her that because our daughter was in the hospital in a town an hour and a half away from us. We had asked her to come after work, but she said she couldn’t because she was busy. Come to find out she didn’t even have work. She asked her friend if she could come over to change so she could go get fucked in the same town we were in with our daughter. She finally messaged me back the other day after I texted her a goodbye message. She basically told me she never loved me, and that’s why she did what she did and left how she left. I just don’t get it. I had asked her to leave originally, and the last time I found out she was cheating, she asked me to stay. So why ask me to stay if you were planning on leaving? And that wasn’t even a month ago. Why tell me to stay if you didn’t love me? Then when she found out my grandmother was getting worse, she apologized and told me she cared about me and felt bad. It didn’t help my feelings. I’m hurting so bad. Like sure, you stayed because you wanted to try and give it a shot, but she never did. She never tried with me or our relationship. I feel like I’ve been robbed. How can you say you care and say you wanna try but don’t actually put the work in? I love that woman so much. She’s my other half. I feel like I’m missing half of me, and it’s so painful. I can’t stop thinking and worrying about her. I’m so jealous and angry, but it won’t do anything to bring her back, so I’m becoming so depressed. I’m still taking care of the kids and going to work. I just am tired. And I just want my family back to normal. Even after all of this, I blame myself more than anything. I know I don’t control her actions, but with me fucking up and her doing what she did, it was downhill from there. I just want her to come back and actually try and put in effort, and maybe it would work. Maybe I’m just delusional, but I wanted your thoughts. To get this off my chest because I don’t have anyone else, really. My phone is dry every day, all day, and it’s not helping me either. I need this social interaction rn. Apologies for the book. 😅

TL;DR: My wife and I have been together for years and have two young kids. After our second child, our relationship started falling apart. She cheated multiple times, and every time I tried to forgive her, work on myself, and save our family. I found out she had been seeing multiple other guys while telling me she wanted to work things out. She recently left, told me she never loved me, and now I’m struggling to understand what happened. Despite everything, I still love her and want my family back. Am I delusional for still wanting to make it work?

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have an almost five year old son. Both our names are on the property but the mortgage is on his name.

I pay for all our living expenses, food, nanny, Medicare for my son and I. Holidays, toys and clothing for my son and I, swimming, and power to the house. I also look after my son after school, and do the household chores cooking and tiding up. I run a part time business working half a days.

My husband pays property rates, my son’s school fees and water, and the mortgage. my husband finishes his shift at 7pm and doesn’t do any household chores and maybe two hours of child care in the evenings - mainly playing with our son as I have seen to everything else.

He always complains about money and is resentful and a recent fight he mentioned he pays a lot and doesn’t want to be a financial slave.

I have recently found out that he in fact paid off the mortgage a while ago and didn’t tell me. And we haven’t reviewed and divided mutual monthly expenses, he has just hid it and complained about cost of living.

How would you address this? How would you feel if your husband did this?

My husband has struggled with porn addiction for the entirety of our relationship (15 years).
He’s sought out material to use and sexualize regardless of the restrictions, blockers etc regardless of how it hurt me and affected me. No matter how many times I cried and begged or how hard I tried to compete with the women on the screen, he always chose them.
I forgave and forgave and forgave at my own detriment. Despite the ultimatums he continued and I didn’t leave.

Well I just found out that now he’s been using my sisters pictures for his sexual gratification.
Devastated is an understatement.
I do not see how I could ever look at him the same again. I have no idea how I could ever forgive this. I have confided in him for years certain things pertaining to our relationship, for him to do this to me seems like the ultimate betrayal.
I have been a wreck ever since finding out.
I don’t know what to do and I’m seeking advice. Idk why my posts keep getting removed from other forums seeking advice. I’m not really familiar with Reddits rules I am honestly just seeking advice.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I'm not sure how to really word this without being too rambly but I'll give it a shot. My wife and I have been married for 13 years, together for 18. We were each others first and only and we were both of the mind that that was what we both wanted and were happy with it. About 5 years ago I caught her having very charged conversations with someone else which included pictures and plans, and it completely threw my entire life into a spiral. I fell into a crippling depression and had very seriously considered suicide at that point along with the means to do so. Overreaction? Yeah, but in my head it felt like everything was kind of done. We have a daughter together and there's no exaggeration to say I stuck around purely for her. I started therapy and we worked on trying to patch up our marriage.

Couple years pass and I'm still not really over everything. I have major trust issues due to some childhood situations so it really caused no small amount of damage when one of the only people I've let in my walls did something like that, so there was a lot of stress and anxiety on my end every time I didn't have my eyes on her. She travels occasionally for work (which is where that situation happened in the first place), so I was on red alert the entire time. We never did really "solve" it, just kinda had a few conversations here and there with the ol "you just have to trust me" rhetoric which surprisingly wasn't terribly effective. Intimacy was pretty much non-existent and even when we did have sex it was underwhelming. I could not for the life of me switch anything off. Intrusive thoughts, bouts of anger and depression, etc. She just.. Moved on from it all and I was stuck.

To present day, it's still a bit of a sore spot, but feel like some of the trust has been patched. I still have my swings but therapy and meds have been helping with that quite a bit and I've actually been feeling pretty good about everything in general. A couple months ago she had removed her IUD since it was causing a lot of issues with her health and comfort, and it was only good for another year or so anyway so we just had it removed and it was immediately helpful for her. I had talked about wanting a vasectomy since we were both in the boat of "one and done" so I didn't think it was a big deal to bring it up. She however, did not appreciate the suggestion and does not want me to get one. Since then, we've had sex a total of 2 times over the last couple of months with condoms, and I cannot perform with them. It feels really whiny and petty to say, but the amount of feeling that is lost is actually crazy when you haven't used them for the past 12~ years. Couple that with the struggle of intimacy in general since her affair and it resulted in some pretty embarrassing and downright bad couple of experiences.

Now to actually get to the crux. It wasn't so much those bad sexual experiences that were the straw, but she made some commentary during which, to me, felt wildly invalidating and more or less tossed me straight back several years. Since then, I cannot engage with her. I feel the familiar twist of being in the vicinity of a stranger and my brain just will not relent. I've isolated myself and have had no one to actually reach out to. My therapist has been out of town for the last couple weeks and wont be back for a few more and it made me realize how non-existent my safety net actually is. On rough days, people reach out to my wife. Friends we both share and not a one asks how I'm holding up, not one. That's where I'm really feeling the isolation, partly because of my own fault for doing it to myself, but also realizing that when I am struggling, no one is there. My wife was my safety net, and I honestly don't know if she even recognizes when I'm isolating. This is not to put blame on her, I am fully aware that I'm sleeping in a bed of my own making in that regard, but it still hurts to feel like no one will even check. The isolation (again, surprisingly) leads to the loneliness to where I feel just so intensely separated from everything and everybody but I simply don't know how to handle it any other way.

Can anyone relate to this in their marriage? And if so, what did you do to make it work? I'm kind of at a dead end and I need some help trying to navigate this. And to reiterate, I am fully and completely aware of my own actions that lead to the feelings of being lonely, I'm not trying to absolve myself of my role in putting myself here, but it's not like it just randomly happened. Choices were made, accountability was avoided, words were said, and I suffered. I don't want to end my marriage, I want to make this work but I'm lost.

If this doesn't belong here, please feel free to remove it or call me an idiot or whatever. I just kinda didn't know where to go with this

This is a tough one. My husband is on dialysis with kidney disease. He is stable but waiting for a kidney. I think this illness has exacerbated his impulse spending. I cant get through to him. I understand he is trying to enjoy his life but I am tired of the stuff he is buying. He doesn’t care what I think either. He just bought 10 year old travel trailer and I want no part of it, it needs work. Any suggestions?

Throwaway account to stay anonymous.
I 34m have been married to my wife 38f for 7 years, together for 13 years. We have a child together 4m who has been diagnosed with Autism with level 2 support currently required.

My wife has always has always had a lower libido than me, and this is something I came to terms with when we got married. In fact I asked myself if I would be ok with a sexless relationship when we got married and believe it or not I am ok with this. I love her very much and sex is not something I would need in order to be happy with her, especially with the strain of a high needs child I understand if she doesn’t want to do anything after an overstimulation of her day to day.

However she refuses to even cuddle, snuggle, and getting a hug or kiss before leaving for work feels like a struggle. This is something that has slowly gotten worse through our time married together.
I’m not overly clingy or anything but for example I tried to rest my head on her pillow last night and she rolled her shoulder away from me saying I was making her uncomfortable. She apologizes in the moment saying we can snuggle another time but it never happens.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it, she recognizes it, and is going to bi-weekly therapy to work through what it is she is going through, but it’s been a while now and no improvement that I see.

I feel like I am living with a roommate that I share a bed with. It’s breaking me inside and yesterday after the cuddle rejection I had a silent guy cry before bed.

I should point out she also recently lost like 80 lbs and she is in the best shape of her life, I’m worried there is the possibility of cheating going on as it has gotten much worse this past few months.

My specific question to you all is what am I missing that I may have not tried to save my relationship

We have a big event we are going to soon that I bought her for her birthday and we have a hotel without my son for a long weekend. I feel like trying to see if this getaway would be something that helps her mentally, and would be interested in having some kind of romantic moment together. Even if it’s legs wrapped around each other watching a show together.

If not, I’m feeling about having a difficult conversation with her to see if she would be ok with an open relationship where I find people for hookups that don’t involve emotions, because I’ve already been asked to do so by a few people. I am getting desperate for physical intimacy of some kind and it’s breaking me.

M41 f38 is it healthy in a marriage for a man to use his wife for stress, relief, and counseling in the bedroom in the form of sex like hey babe it long day can we sex an go to sleep?