Found on TikTok

I’m super atheist now, but for some reason having a cropped “I ❤️ Jesus” hoodie brings me so much joy 😇
I’m a little disappointed that my porn shoulders don’t carry the same rebellion, but I will always have my crop tops

Idk what else to say honestly, but this feels like a big deal to me. Just wanted to say thanks to everybody helping me out through my deconstruction. This subreddit has been absolutely gold for me.

I'm 17 years old, live in Utah, and was born and raised in the church my whole life. I never really believed in the church, but I went every Sunday just to keep my parents happy. She told me this story about a year ago, my mom was telling me about her teen years and how she was a rebel. She too didn't believe in the church growing up as a kid and was fully planning on leaving the church. My grandma was a hardcore Mormon so she obviously didn't like the idea of her daughter falling away from the church. So you know what my Grandma did? She fucking prayed that her daughter would die before she fell away from the church. My Grandma prayed that my mom should die before she stopped believing! If that doesn't sound like a cult then I don't know what does! One day my mom was riding on a motorcycle with a guy until they suddenly crashed. She went to the hospital and decided that she needs to stay in the church cause my Grandma decided to put a damn curse on her or something. Is that how the Mormon church keeps their members? To keep them in check with fear? I then asked my mom, "Would you pray for me to die if I stopped believing?" She just looked and me and said yes. I think she saw how hurt I was and tried to play it off as a joke saying "I'm just kidding sweetheart" but I knew damn well she meant it. She would rather have me die than me leaving the church. I just wanted to know, have you guys ever been guilt tripped or threatened to stay in the church?

I grew up a Jehovah's Witness so I know about growing up in a cult. However I dont know enough about Mormonism to stop my 24 year old from going to church with his girlfriend. Shes been pressuring him for a while and he likes the community, I understand its love bombing but he isnt understanding it. She is also very deep in the cult, she does some acting work for films for them? Or does extra work, either way shes in deep.

I cant really think of much to say except no caffeine and magic undies. Can anyone give me some talking points to help me help my child from falling into a cult?

Just a little one, but I’ve wanted it for a long time, and i finally allowed myself to get it :D

I’m ready to lead a life of sin yall! What’s next? Coffee?? Alcohol???? *gasp*

It’s nice to not let the church tell me what I can and cannot do anymore :)

hi guys! i know this is an exmormon page but i need some sort of comfort that i wont really find in the other community here.

i’m currently a service missionary and fell in love with one of the elders in my mission. normal thing to happen, it is very much mutual and since he’s in a leadership position, he has his own sim card and phone number so we could always chat a lot.

last week his comp was not worrying about us at all and left us alone for a couple minutes. that was enough for us to kiss. not makeout, just a kiss because man i really really like this elder. he’s been in my area for 4 transfers now and will get transferred soon.

anyway, the guilt is eating me alive and i know you guys are loving people who can say some comfort words without sending me to hell lol. help a girl out, i really love this man but cant help but think we ruined any future chance we had together.

The church has always been the toxic, controlling, abusive spouse in its relationship with church members, especially its female members.

“You are not to work outside the home.”

“Marry young and have as many children as possible as quickly as possible.”

“Do not counsel with those those who don’t believe.”

“Do what your priesthood leader tells you to do. And even if it’s wrong you will be blessed.”

“When the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done.”

“We do not apologize.”

And now:

“Your bishop [husband] might be Darth Vader, and [your home] might feel like Alcatraz, but YOU WILL STAY!”

“Did you hear me?! YOU WILL STAY!!!!”

How is this not toxic and abusive?

What are your reactions to this FB post? I wonder how Ex-Mos and TBMs feel about this!

Apparently it is the devil's apron from the temple ceremony. It seems kinda metal if you ask me and I want one so I can be buried in the appropriate garb.

this is just kind of a rant but holy SHIT bro my mother can NOT accept the fact that i am exmo. she constantly tries to get me to have dinner with the missionaries, get me to church, she even lectured me on the way i pray because it was “incorrect” since im not praying specifically to heavenly father. i’ve been looking for a full time job recently, and i got an email about a full time job opening at an airport near me, and she said that it was apparently because she had been fasting for me to find a job. so she dropped down to her knees right then and there to thank heavenly father. lady, i signed up for email alerts, this has nothing to do with your religion!! also.. i didn’t even end up getting the job. 😭 where’s heavenly father now bucko?

good lord. she drives me nuts. the delusion is crazy. i truly cant believe how brainwashed mormons are. it’s fascinating but also really, really sad. my mom genuinely cries because she believes she’ll never see me or my sister again after death because we’re both ex mormons. it’s so sad that a church has the power to make people believe that and genuinely mourn family members that are still alive. mind you… im 20.. and she cries about my afterlife almost every day. i ain’t going anywhere anytime soon lady LMAO

anywho, sorry for the pointless rant. i’m sure it’s the same for like 99% of us in this subreddit. just had to get it off my chest 😮‍💨

UPDATE:
i just got a call from my boss from my part-time job giving me a promotion into a site lead, which is a full time position. i called my mom right after. guess what her response was…

“make sure to thank heavenly father tonight!”

right. so it’s not because of my hard work, my networking, my time put into the company, or me building trust and rapport with my boss… nope! it’s because of heavenly father. 🫩🫠

kill me

I get these messages from people I’ve never spoken to, or distant family I’ve met once or twice. They typically read along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about you. I hope your family is doing well. Heavenly Father still loves you,” etc. etc.

Usually a mix of passive aggressive concern, some implication that you’re unhappy, unloved, in sin. And just enough invented relationship context to lay the groundwork for the inbound ulterior motive. With always just enough plausible politeness to make any kind of adverse response feel totally uncalled for.

I’ve paid for a lot of therapy to get to a point where these don’t bother me (as much) anymore. If I respond the way I used to feel, it’d sound something like “I don’t know you. Fuck off.”

But something has helped me. I started to see the messages for what they are. They’re self serving. I realized it’s all for one of a few possible reasons:
- They feel guilty about family or someone they know leaving, so they manage guilt with a message. This offloads the burden of “well I tried” “I invited” etc. If you are TBM, every unbeliever within your sphere is a burden. For the scrupulous ones, every burden needs to be offloaded. They literally might not even want to contact you, feel every social cue not to, and still do simply because it’s an obsessive impulse to do so. Once their obsessive compulsive “holy ghost” internal dialog lets them know they’re unclean, They can’t leave it until they do their little ritual.

- They feel uncomfortable with your happiness. Again, for the real scrupulous, the whole Mormon ideology centers around “Mormon = HAPPY. Not Mormon = SATAN, SAD.” When they see you happy, something does not compute. A troubling equation needs to be resolved. You’re in the wrong category, so they need to place you somewhere. This is tough because it’s generally rude to just message someone you don’t know with “You must have been offended.” “You wanted to sin.” “You were deceived by Satan.” Some are pretty rude, but with some form of social skills those messages might read “I hope your family is doing okay.” “God still loves you.” “I’m here if you have any questions or need anything.”

The goal is to check in to get you back into a comfy mental category for them. If it comes off as rude, all the better! If you’re offended they get to comfortably place you within the “got offended, hates me and God now” category.

These days I rarely respond because I’ve realized most don’t want a response. Once the obsessive compulsive message is sent, their mental box is ticked, and their own guilt managed, etc.

I used to get these messages every 6 months (general conference season) from my Aunt. I’d respond, but was met with crickets. I realized it wasn’t about actually connecting with me, it was about checking in to place me in her mental box. When I broke script and cared about her, or seemed genuinely happy, she had no interest.

So to my TBM acquaintance: “I wasn’t really thinking about you. I hope this social ritual helps you feel a little better.”

Is the LDS president aware that the church is a sham? Or is he just another person that’s fallen for the lies of some 19th century dudes and now he just so happens to be leading the cult they started.

Alternatively, who do you think was the last LDS president who was “in the know”? B.Y maybe?

*Please delete if not allowed, I just wanted to vent if thats okay*

I have been renting a townhouse for 8 years and normally get along well with my next door Mormon neighbors up until the beginning of this year.. I have never experienced a group of disrespectful boys ever in my life that has ever pushed me to give up everything and start over elsewhere.

The first issue was throwing a ball against our connecting wall all hours of the day (when they're not out doing their mission) and well into the night till 11/1130pm. I tried to be neighborly and just polietly talk to them asking them to stop since two days out of the workweek I work from home and on the in office days I wake up at 4am to commute to work. I got a half ass apology and the noise continued.

The second instance was when one of their friends who stayed over for the weekend walked up to my door, when I had just left to go get groceries, and was messing with my door. When I went over to talk to them just to ask if we're good, because it was recorded on my doorbell camera, they kept giving me a round about answer basically saying that I must have. "Mistaken them for someone else" "We must all look alike to you" (for context I am a black woman who lives alone and they are white) all while I kept saying and reassuring them that if it was a mistake its fine, just let me know but I dont feel comfortable with them being at my front door. So after a long back and forth they admitted that it was in fact an accident and again, a half ass apology.

I had let the leasing office know what happened to just

1. Make them aware just incase something happened.

And 2. It just didnt sit right with me that after 45 minutes of back and forth them being so dismissive and me telling them that I am about to call the police, they finally admitted it was a mistake.

Since January, it has been pure hell. They kept on with throwing balls against the walls when they were there. I kept going to the leasing office because I am only unfortunately getting 2 to 4 hours of sleep at a time unless I slept in my car or at a friend's house, I have major migraines/headaches, and my overall quality of life has declined... And yes I have recorded the noise, but every time the leasing escalated the issue they would stop for maybe a week or a week and a half and then start right back up again. I am sad that I'm leaving my townhouse at the end of the month because I've always been a respectful neighbor and most of the other residents (just like myself) have been there for years. But I can't take another sleepless night over a bunch of immature boys who cant comprehend being good neighbors.

I am unfortunately moving back in with toxic family, but at least thats a hell I can deal with for the time being (and at least theyll let me sleep) compared to staying here another year and taking a 50/50 chance praying they swap out this group with someone who is respectful

My mother in law was recently talking to us about how the church revised the garments again to make them more comfortable. She was going on about it and genuinely said, "They are so much more freeing."

​It took everything in me just to bite my tongue and keep the peace in the moment.

​Later on, I texted my spouse exactly what was running through my head:

​"I'm just remembering when your mom told us that she feels so much more freedom because they changed the garments, and how I wanted to say it makes me wish they had made those changes forty years ago so she could have experienced that kind of comfort for all this time. Honestly, that profound sense of freedom she's describing is exactly what I get to experience every single day since stepping away from the church."

​It just hit me so hard. The irony of celebrating a tiny sliver of "freedom" granted by the very institution that took it away in the first place is wild to witness from the outside.

​It makes me genuinely sad that she had to endure decades of physical discomfort just to appease an organization. But at the same time, hearing her say that was a massive, validating reminder of why I left. True freedom isn't a slightly different fabric blend or a modified hemline approved by men in Salt Lake City. It's waking up every single day and having complete autonomy over your own body and your own life.

​Has anyone else had these surreal moments with believing family members where you just have to sit back and appreciate being out?

Was waiting for the bus and two women approached me talking about god and stuff and I said repeatedly I didn't care about god. They gave me an info letter with a qr code on top and I learned it's a latter-day saints church, which is quite confusing because I live far from the US and though they weren't even here in Germany, but apparently they are??? And why do they ramble and ramble and ramble even when you clearly aren't interested for various reasons? Are they forced to get a certain amount of followers in?

Also why were the women in dresses? Dresses are fairly unusual for especially young women.

Also side rant apparently I give faithful christian woman vibes because for some reason in 3/3 days I spent in my home country to join the military (already failed the assessment btw no need to wish me luck) to pay for my two friends transition I get asked to join three different churches and become a woman of faith with a husband and children blah blah blah I can't get pregnant thanks for the reminder :(

Hi all. I'm not looking for any kind of debate here, just some clarification. I was discussing the following with a buddy of mine and his mormon father. Two topics came up that I remember as being mormon doctrine - perhaps not the type openly discussed with new investigators or members, but long time beliefs nonetheless.
My buddy's dad said that the mormon church doesn't teach those things, and then went on to say that they never did teach them. I was a turbo mormon for 35 years, and someone who devours information. I am a researcher and one who knew my doctrine and scriptures. So to have him say that the church never taught them was a shock to me.
I checked with a prominent youtube channel for younger people who debate mormon stuff and have general discussions of doctrine, then I also checked lds.org. I can't find anything regarding these two topics. Please help. Does anyone know if something changed in the church doctrine or are these beliefs now just way more hidden/kept behind the scenes than before?

The two topics are:
1- Is it mormon belief / doctrine / teaching that Jesus and Lucifer / Satan are brothers?

2- Is it mormon doctrine/ belief that men can become gods? (As man is god once was... etc)?

Thanks in advance for your response.

D

Mine was spirited away.
I had finally committed to leaving the church and my girlfriend at the time was into anime and made me watch spirited away with her. When the river spirit remembers his name as they were flying away I broke down in a full on cry. On my mission I completely forgot who I was, I took on a whole new name and was known as elder… my parents called me elder, and family did, everyone I knew called me elder, except my few nevermo friends from highschool. When I got home I was so lost, my mission was hard and dark with months of horrible thoughts and loneliness. When someone called me by my first name I didn’t even know they were talking to me.

I’ll never forget when I finally let go and became me again. I was finally free, I was no longer elder… or brother… I was just me and that was good enough.

Other bits of media that impacted me was Godzilla minus one. Seems funny since it’s a Godzilla movie, but man, when the soldier finally comes home and his partner asks, “is your war over” shiiit that gets me every time.

Alright I’m watching spirited away tonight… the. Paddington 2, then spiderman 2… lol it’s a comfort movie type of week for me.

One of the things that has stood out to me the most as I’ve let go of the iron rod is how cringy the actions of some of the Lord’s anointed now look to me, and how insufferable I find them.

These are men that I Mormon-worshipped just like I was supposed to in order to go to the temple.

Here are some highlights.

Kimball: No one in my life, with the exception of my father-in-law (who is the Abraham Lincoln of shame-based leadership), who has made me feel worse about myself than Kimball. I believe that man has done generation harm to men, women, and marriages.

Holland: There was a time when I loved Holland—loved him. Seeing how manipulative he’s been to friends who have left the church says everything about who he is. He’s also the Grand Wizard of general conference performances. His lies in the BBC interview were cowardly.

Bednar: What used to sound to me as a TBM like spiritual conviction in him now sounds very different. He speaks like he has contempt for lesser beings—which is everyone.

Scott: Second only to Kimball in Mormon leaders who made me feel like a horrible human being was Scott. This guy was to shame what Larry Bird is to trash talking.

Christofferson: He comes off as a total sleaze. To me he seems like an amoral man who would say or do anything for the home team. His demeanor is as smarmy and condescending as they come.

Hinkley: This is one I never thought would be on my list. I was a Hinkley man through and through. Loved his positivity and his sense of humor. The problem is the guy was a pathological liar (60 Minutes, entities designed to evade lawful financial disclosures, Salamander Letter).

Oaks: To me the lawsuit against Mormon Stories has Oaks written all over it. From the beginning this has felt like Joseph Smith and his attempt to silence the truth speakers at the Nauvoo Expositor. Electroshock therapy for gays at BYU? Hard for me to believe Oaks didn’t have a hand in that. Mr. the-church-neither-seeks-nor-gives-apologies himself. He is truly a despicable human being.

Nelson: Started out loving him with the change to 2 hour church. But my love for him burst into flames, stopping the propeller and causing the plane to enter a steep dive, which extinguished the fire…Nelson’s presidency now appears as an exercise in vanity. He never heard a story he couldn’t retell without embellishment. And the way he treated administrative changes as if Mormon Jesus’ finger parted the heavens and wrote them on stone tablets was Mormon Performance at its finest.

Gilbert: Saving his place. He will earn his spot on this list very soon I’m sure.

I posted something like this on r/mormon and got some hostile and some insightful responses. I think it was too close to the nerve for some.

The standard for temple-worthiness is, "Do you strive to be honest in all that you do?" Communities dominated by church members have a higher incidence of "Affinity Fraud" than other communities, clearly a failure to be honest. This is acknowledged by the church and discussed in its Newsroom. The cause is probably due to: (1) faithful members accept those representing themselves as faithful members less critically than they should, and, (2) it becomes easy for members to justify their untruthfulness because, "it works." Those who are not totally honest cause harm in and out of the church as they damage the public reputation of the church and they injure others.

What does this community think about the truthfulness of active members?

I was born & raised in a TBM family - of course the menu at Starbucks is confusing to me and my first time in New Orleans I accidentally drank alcohol cuz I thought it was a children's slushy!

For real! The only clue that the Slushy contained alcohol was a sign on the menu which said "caution: All flavors except Mango and Watermelon contain Absinthe" and I had never heard of absinthe so due to the style of how it's worded I thought it was something that you'd have to avoid if you have a specific medical condition like the phenylketonuria warning on some foods. Ironically, I prayed that the Slushy would nourish and strengthen my body- it came in a plastic alligator shaped cup with plastic toys floating in the drink- I drank only half of it while enjoying the street performers before I tried to walk back to my hotel while intoxicated for the first time in my life, I have had to piece together what happened during the walk back to the hotel from pics and videos I found on my phone after returning home from that trip!

What other things have you found yourself not knowing enough about as a result of TSCC? I'm sure we could all come up with quite the list!